Goddamnit.

He told me that the power of no was more powerful than yes. He told me this as my star was rising. He really wanted me to understand it.

He told me this in his office without a desk or chairs on the tiny lot that was A&M records. Bean bags, carpets and a good sized bong.

Always high and sometimes sweaty, he never lied to me.

Ever.

An enigma if I ever met one.

One singular gorgeous bitch.

He told me, during one of our many late night recording sessions, that he could have been a bad guy but he’d decided to be a good guy. I understood what he meant. I could see exactly how formidable he would be as a bad guy. He could easily be a scary motherfucker but I was never scared of him.

He decided to be good.

He taught me abandon. To be good and not give a shit otherwise.

He would call the Studio C phone that rang on the console and say “Frusen Glädjé”? It was a question for permission to cross the lot and see and listen to what we were doing that day. What artist. What band.

I understood that if I granted him access, he would wade in.  Sometimes I said no and sometimes I said yes.

He never came over just to make nice and say hello.

He was A&R.

Artist and Repertoire.

When he participated, he was no musician. He glowed and floated. He ‘played’ feedback on guitar and Mellotron on one record Alex Reed and I made. His footprint on that record was invaluable. His influence and collaboration on many others was indispensable.

My good friend and exceptional partner Alex Reed happened upon us one night after assisting one Niko Bolas as we were finishing a mix on the record we were making only to ask us what the fuck we had done.  To this day I believe he was equal parts disgusted and in awe.

He was the first human to get me to actually think outside of the goddamn box.  I loved him because of what he earnestly showed me about myself.  I believe he was fond of me. I adored him.

I’m not old yet but his passing makes me feel old.

Only a few years older than me.

Without a doubt one of the coolest fuckers I’ve ever met.

He looms large in my mind.

He taught me that you don’t have to do anything in a particular way.  You don’t need any conventional thing to be badass. He furthered my crazy and gawd love him for that because I can never forgive him.

He burned brighter.

I’ve missed him for some time.

Now, I’ll miss him forever.

Drinks for my friends.

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