and they will wake up the same way. I started to bail at halftime. Did my homework. Turned on the sound, saw the score and walked away. Went back to ABC later to learn the final score was one thousand to six (131-92).

McCain shows up on Kimmel and the stick up his ass manages to actually whack him in the head a half a dozen times. It was wild. It just kept waving around. He was trying to protect his head but the poor bastard just kept saying stupid shit and a wooden cudgel emerged from his ass and kept beaning him on his skull with only fine grey baby hair to protect his softening pate.

It was more painful, and therefore funnier, than the game. I think McCain may have just jumped the shark. He holds his own against Stewart but Kimmel didn’t care. Sucker punched Doubtfire over and over. It was pretty awesome.

Watch Kimmel with the sound off, the first thing you notice is he never really opens his eyes. It’s disturbing until you turn the sound back on and he’s actually pretty funny. Kimmel and Pasty McSquinty share blood somewhere.

He pulled the tail off the Bootlicker but it’s no thing. McCain is amphibious, a salamander with miraculous powers of regeneration. By tomorrow morning he’ll have a new nub. By Sunday he’ll be swinging more in the back than in front.

Got Gore endorsing Our Man yesterday. Better late than never. He was waiting for Hills to walk. Politics tastes like dirt to him these days. I’ve been thinking about the cabinet lately. Time to start working on that. I got some ideas. Expect a full report soon.

A Grammy, an Oscar and the Nobel. Hometown boy makes good after being the Vice President for eight years and winning a Presidential election. Like a phoenix, he rose from the ashes of defeat and shame.

By the way, Albert Gore will not be your next Vice President. Not going to happen. There’s a place for him in this cabinet though.

The midwest is underwater and it ain’t over yet. It’s always ugly somewhere in America.

Lately it’s ugly just about everywhere in America.

In other news, Doubtfire has joined our Arsonists Laureate, Dick-in-Bush, for another round of the “let’s drill in enviromentally sensitive areas for a thimbleful of crude that we won’t see for a decade instead of investing in a new infrastructure of alternative fuels that may just create new industry and opportunity for entrepreneurialship and growth, both financially and technologically.”

It was that kind of day.

That sentence may make my top ten.

Drinks for my friends.