I’m gonna tell you something and I’m not sure why.

I’m not religious at all. I have nothing but disdain and disgust for any organized religion. It’s a joke. All of it, Santa in the sky with diamonds for adults just about anywhere. People really should know better. That’s not a picture of God in that book, on that candle or in that fresco.

What it is, is mankind’s single most pervasive and insidious problem.

The concept of sin is a different matter. It’s not as simple as not believing in or caring about your God.

I’m well acquainted with sin. I do my best but I falter. Yesterday, a lifelong friend; one who has stuck by me and never let me down. I let him down. I disregarded him, his loyalty and his concern merely because I was able to solve my problem without him. Stupid and thoughtless. Nevermind the anger, the pain in his voice was humiliating. I know sin.

He knows I’m sorry but it’s not enough right now and I understand.

A good man with shoeboxes of integrity in his closets. I took him for granted. Huge stupid thing to do.

I’ll make it right. I have to. Not just because I depend on this man, but because he deserves it. I can explain some of it so it’s not the worse thing he was thinking, but it is ultimately my thoughtless mistake. Not entirely thoughtless because I was thinking of only myself.

Among the worst sins, are self involvement.

Sin.

I’m disappointed in me and so is he. Sometimes close friends are a mirror, actually, most of the time they are. They allow you to see yourself and hopefully you’re able to return the favor. If each of you are so lucky, you don’t always like what you see. That’s the gift and the tragedy of letting someone inside. No free lunch, but when it’s just a cheeseburger, sometimes it tastes like a juicy pork chop wrapped in bacon with shrimp and a nice zinfandel.

I’m not gonna dwell on it but I got hit in the face with a serious lesson yesterday and I totally had it coming.

Sometimes, I’m still a dick. It happens less these days but seems to matter way more everytime.

It’s of the utmost importance to figure out who you are. You will struggle with it constantly and you may never figure it out completely, but you really must keep trying. Sooner or later one must own one’s self. You cannot even begin to estimate another until you begin to understand yourself. Do the math.

The ego is a curious thing. The id is a walk in the park. Not really, but my best advice is to get a grip on the id. Duh. Grab it by it’s skinny goddamn neck and wail away. I did. I didn’t kill it, I established dominance. I’m better for it.

No matter how old you get, there’s still growing up to do

It’s allright, but I still do things I shouldn’t. I try not to tell anybody.

People are people wherever you go.

Drinks for my friends.

4 Responses to “It goes without saying”