I’m out of town for a trade show the next few days and couldn’t find something to be pissed off enough to write about and still endeavor to bring a unique perspective.  So, have some more Dracula movie titles.  The objective is absurdity.  I urge you to contribute your own and not fear the abstract.

Dracula can’t help but worry about the towel bar in the bathroom. It appears to sag.

Dracula gets introspective in a heartbeat.

As far as you know, Dracula loves kitties.  What you don’t know is that he loves to eat them.

Dracula feels a solidarity with bed bugs.  Think about it.

Dracula was thinking about the chronic, sweet moist pineapples of ganja, when he snagged the head of his penis in his zipper.

Dracula makes a connection with the clerk at the 7-11 who wears a turban and has a weird wrap around beard.  Then Dracula has an epiphany and feels he can relate to the Jewish people.  It’s not long before Dracula starts to sample various ethnocentric cuisines.

Dracula cold cocks the woman at the toll booth.

Dracula brushes his teeth to TAPS.

Dracula is into hot dogs.  He’ll sample your dog.  Whatever you got.  Dracula likes cheese on just about any dog.  Know that.  Dracula appreciates different textures on a dog.  Bacon, tomato or pickle.  He likes to visit Wienerschnitzel in his favorite black button up shirt with the red stitched pentagram on the breast pocket.  He combs his hair and brushes his teeth and fangs.  Dracula always spots the man in charge and at least makes eye contact.  What Dracula really wants is to make friends with the man in charge.  To shake his hand.  Dracula likes to visit Wienerschnitzels wherever and whenever he finds them.  Dracula’s favorite is the chili cheese dog with mayo, mustard and onion.

Dracula’s car is custom.  Very custom.  Dracula wears the latest shoes and underwear.

Dracula has all stainless steel appliances and his counter tops are all granite.  Not marble.

Dracula absolutely covets old photographs.  It’s not just that he can’t appear in them, he really likes the smell.

Dracula is not ashamed of being bi-sexual.  He identifies with the gays and the straights.  Dracula doesn’t understand the problem.

He really is an easy going guy, Dracula is.

Dracula contemplates the viscosity of the bleu cheese in his bullet hole.

Drinks for my friends.

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