How to talk to the Republican about Benghazi
May 14th, 2014 | 
Author: It is not the intent of this author to condone, sponsor or foment violence of any kind on any animal or human.
Let’s say the republican approaches you with Benghazi on its lips.
Here’s what you do.
If the republican is male and you’re right handed, raise your left thumb and say “See my thumb?” Then ball up your right fist and hit them as hard as you can in the mouth. Then say “Gee, you’re dumb.”
Left handed people use the opposite hands respectively.
As the republican tries to get up, and if they are male, kick them hard enough in the torso so they land face up and ask them what the names of the four dead Americans they care so deeply about are.
As the republican gasps for air and looks at you with complete confusion, produce a world map without anything but borders, no text, and demand the republican show you where Benghazi is.
When the republican can’t, commence urinating on the republican.
Offer the republican a warm damp towel and a comfortable place to sit. Show some compassion for fucks sake. The republican probably isn’t evil, merely stupid, brainwashed or willfully ignorant. Ask the republican why they are so much angrier with the administration than the people who actually killed the four Americans.
When two women are the scenario, there is the option to bitch slap the republican or move immediately to the interrogatory. Pissing flurry is also optional. Male democrats when confronting female republicans should definitely move directly to the interrogatory.
Do not clean the appliance with water when still connected to an electrical source.
Once the republican is comfortable, put on your warmest and most sincere face and remind them that there were thirteen such attacks under the last president. 60 dead.
Remind the republican that in one such attack under Reagan over two hundred marines perished. Remind the republican that under Reagan at least, fingers were pointed at the people who carried out the attack. Not Reagan. Not the head of any intelligence agency. Nobody even questioned Bush despite the wars he and his administration lied to get us into, that ultimately cost 4,500+ lives.
Wars that actually opened the proverbial door for such virulent ant-American sentiment.
Wars that led to Benghazi!
Point out that in the last hour, more people have died in states where republican governors have refused to expand medicare/medicaid.
Just in the last hour.
Gently cover one of their hands with one of yours and explain, in a soft paternal voice, that they’ve been duped. Describe in as much detail as necessary, that if the republican party had a single policy or issue to run on that Benghazi wouldn’t occupy a single rung on the ladder of contemporary political discourse. Do your best to illustrate how championing Benghazi merely reveals how they have not a single other thing with which to gin up the base.
The rest of us it see it for what it is.
Abject desperation.
Hillary will run.
Obamacare is working and therefore a complete bust. They got nothing there. Folks be getting happier.
It’s been litigated in the court of public opinion and before congress about ten goddamn times already and even prominent republicans like Buck McKeon, chairman of the armed services committee said, “I think I’ve pretty well been satisfied that given where the troops were, how quickly the thing all happened and how quickly it dissipated, we probably couldn’t have done more than we did,” And, “The Armed Services Committee has interviewed more than a dozen witnesses in the operational chain of command that night, yielding thousands of pages of transcripts, e-mails, and other documents. We have no evidence that Department of State officials delayed the decision to deploy what few resources DoD had available to respond.”
Members of the families have contacted Nancy Pelosi asking that it not be revisited again. Republicans cut funding for embassy security despite democratic warnings that it would jeopardize diplomats and personnel.
And if you happen across Darrell Issa on the sidewalk or in front of a nice cafe, feel free to vomit down the back of his shirt. Try to get some on his actual head. He’s been doing it to you for years and here’s where I believe in an eye for an eye, vomit for vomit.
No republicans were harmed in the writing of this blog. The author is a pacifist and has not struck another human being in anger or self defense for nearly three decades and does not advocate any such violence no matter how incredibly fucking stupid the antagonist may be. The author is joking and engaging in fantasy and wishful thinking. The author does strongly recommend the usage of arguments and common sense provided. The author does endorse the vituperative action of hawking a loogie upon the conclusion of the confrontation to underscore disgust and disdain for the idiocy of the republican.
This shit is breathtakingly ridiculous.
The republican preoccupation is morbid and vulgar.
The author of this blog is far more fearful of huge grasshoppers than any spider.
Drinks for my friends.
Posted in Uncategorized
Michael Douglass, this is perfectly written as a real gentleman, full of data that can be verified, replete with options for actions, and teeming with compassion. Your piece suits my style. Wish I could write so imaginatively.
Teeming with compassion? 🙂 Thanks for reading.
yeah a ‘compassionate liberal’, cuz we’re built like that
Um……..
Two thumbs way up!!
Brilliant … I’ll have to invent a new word to do the article the justice it deserves … meanwhile, brilliant will have to do …
Well thank you very much. 🙂
Lovely, and fun to read. However, I won’t be talking to (or listening to) any republicans anytime soon. Plus, I feel bad because I like you and your blog, but I have pledged not to post anything with the word “Benghazi” in it, so I have to remove your link from my wall. Good job, Michael! Keep writing and telling truth.
I understand. Thanks for reading.
Michael, wonderful.
Now I am looking for a Republican female to bring to sanity and clear thinking.
I love your way of thinking..and writing.
Good job.
Awww. thanks. Good luck with the search.
While I appreciate the ironic humor of having to resort to violence to get through to these people, I don’t know that it accomplishes much besides fighting fire with fire.
I agree with virtually every point you made about the right’s distortion of every policy enacted by this administration and the horrifying lack of integrity, let alone accountability by the rightwing talkers who spew these distortions and outright lies.
It is a full time job holding these smear merchants’ feet to the fire, let alone trying to get through to the fools who sop it up with so much ignorance. The true believers over there are a lost cause. But I’m crazy enough that America is a moderate to middle nation. We can beat them down with votes.
I say let the shit talkers keep talking shit, it will be rope enough to hang themselves. Case in point: Rove’s antics on election night 2012. The behave like petulant children when they don’t get everything just their way. Let’s just keep shining light on their lies and hypocrisies whenever we can, and mobilize those who have not and will not be taken into their slimeworld. And if a random few end up seeing the errors of their ways and the gigantic flaws in their so-called logic, then we need to welcome them. America’s future is at stake. For realsies.
I really appreciate the thought put into this. Forgive me but it’s original intent is light hearted. Humor as a vehicle to make salient arguments.
I hear you, Michael.
🙂
Excellent advice.
Ha!
I wonder……if any republican would think of naming their kid Ben Ghazi.
That would be awesome.
I am SO RELIEVED so see that you are writing again. You have an amazing insight and are able to verbalize it in a way that I never could, but resonates deeply with me as every word is revealed as if I were writing this myself. Couldn’t agree more. Disgusted with what our country and it’s leaders have become. Perhaps if we could have Elizabeth Warren as President and Bernie Sanders as VP, you could get a spot in their cabinet. A guy can dream…..
Thanks very much Andrew. Made my day.
Joe Biden must have a brain the size of a cue ball. It is especially irinoc that the Libyan attack in which the Navy seals and the Americans they were defending occurred on the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Obama presented the Medal of Honor to ex-Marine Dakota Meyer of Kentucky for saving his comrades under fire in 2009 in Afghanistan by disobeying an order to abandon them. According to a press release for “Into the Fire,” Meyer’s account of the battle, Obama proclaimed ” The story of what Dakota did . . . will be told for generations. The “Dakota Meyer” Wikipedia entry states the following: “Meyer was awarded the Medal of Honor in a ceremony on September 15, 2011. When a White House staffer contacted Meyer to arrange the ceremony, Meyer asked if he could have a beer with the President.He received an invitation to the White House the afternoon before the ceremony. Meyer also requested that when he was honored, simultaneous commemorative services should be held at other associated locations to honor the memory of his colleagues who died or were mortally wounded during the ambush and his rescue attempts.”
You would advocate violence against another American while spouting off about too many wars? So it’s alright for Dems to answer with aggression but republicans get mocked for the same response. Why should it matter if we know the names of the brave Amerucans that died in Bengahzi? Their nationality is enough for me. Why did the Democratic Administeation choose to lie about the attack to the whole world? I don’t believe Hillary was involved in the day-to-day decisions involving our embassies or diplomatic outposts but we need to know why the embassy was not beefed up as requested prior to the attack. Simple answers; no violence.
Did you mean to paint such a giant target on your forehead. Did you read the piece? I’m not advocating violence of any kind. I’m not recommending the Dems answer with aggression. Duh. If you sincerely care about the four dead Americans, you should have the decency and compassion to know their names. Particularly when you exploit their deaths with a ridiculous conspiracy the sole purpose of which is to rile rile the low information, unwashed voter. Despicable.
The administration DID NOT LIE about the attacks. The embassy was not beefed up for TWO obvious and glaring reasons. Republicans cut funding for embassy security and the ambassador who lost his life specifically requested no greater military footprint than was already on the ground because he felt any more would have strained relationships and added to tension.
No violence. Sheezus. SIMPLE ANSWERS.
Funny and informative. Good job, Michael!
Thanks my dear 🙂
Well written friend. I live in Sheridan, WY and this is the most conservative state in the union. I hear tripe like this often. Keep it up friend.
Cheers,
Daxx
Thanks and hang in there.
So, is that how we measure whether someone’s feeling are real or not? I’m guessing you know the names of everyone involved in any issue or event you have ever advocated for, correct?
Let me ask you a question, or give you a little test. Do you have any idea what questions people feel have still not been answered about Benghazi? Do you know why the group who “investigated” Benghazi has turned out to be not very credible? How many interviews have you listened to with the families involved? Have you heard first hand ANYTHING the family members have said or how they feel or what they want? Do you know how Susan Rice got her talking points before those Sunday shows? Do you know how many people who participated in this attack has been brought to justice? Do you know what Panetta said when asked why help wasn’t sent?
If I use your logic I would say unless you can answer those questions you shouldn’t be against or for anything Benghazi, correct?
Now you have your talking points down, I’ll give you that much. Although, a few things you said have long been debunked. But you would need to dig way deeper if you ever REALLY want to know what people are after here and why. But I think it is asking way to much to expect a far left liberal to dig any deeper than whatever the mainstream media is dishing out to them.
You don’t want answers then don’t ask any questions. But please, spare me the ridicule on those who dare disagree with you who are simply asking the questions. It is the people’s right to ask questions and our gov’ts responsibility to answer those questions.
In the meantime, you can continue to compare apples to oranges (your reference to Reagan). Probably not a big deal since most on the left think all fruit looks alike.
Instead of devoting so much energy to bloviating about what you suspect I don’t know, and so much energy admonishing me for what you perceive to be shallow knowledge of the topic (accusation of relying exclusively om the main stream media), why don’t you elucidate? Why not actually demonstrate some depth of knowledge on the subject? Stop blaming me for ridiculing people for asking questions that have already been answered over and over and attempt a more constructive approach by actually contributing. Start by illuminating us on why the Reagan reference is inappropriate. And last I heard at least one of the families objected rather vehemently to any more “investigations” and any further politicization.
I keep hearing “asked & answered”. Easy to find a long long list of questions. Unable to find any of the answers. So, what are the answers? Also, Nancy Pelosi “claims” a second or third cousin, I believe it was, called her and asked they stop investigating. I seriously doubt the call ever happened but maybe it did. Who knows? What we can see are the numerous statements and interviews the immediate family has given since day one begging for a special committee. They have repeatedly asked questions, they have yet to get answers. I wonder why the msm has not seen fit to air any of these interviews or even interviewed the families themselves? Yet Nanacy Pelosi’s claim of a phone call is headline news for 2 days.
” thirteen such attacks under the last president. 60 dead. ”
“Remind the republican that in one such attack under Reagan over two hundred marines perished. Remind the republican that under Reagan at least, fingers were pointed at the people who carried out the attack. Not Reagan. Not the head of any intelligence agency. Nobody even questioned Bush despite the wars he and his administration lied to get us into, that ultimately cost 4,500+ lives.”
I can’t even address the blaming Bush part. That got old 6 years ago. This isn’t a debate about whether or not Bush lied. No one disputes similar attacks have happened, so what’s your point? There have been attacks on other facilities and people have died. Have you heard ANYONE deny that fact?
It sounds like you are saying if people only knew attacks have happened before that this particular attack would not be an issue, correct?
“I think I’ve pretty well been satisfied that given where the troops were, how quickly the thing all happened and how quickly it dissipated, we probably couldn’t have done more than we did,”
I guess the above quote you used would depend on whether or not you consider 9 hours “quickly” or not. For me, a 9 hour attack is not what I would consider a “quicky”. Now , I don’t know how long the average attack last, but I’m thinking 9 hours is a fairly long time to be under attack. We know the attack lasted 9 hours and we know we had assests less than 2 hours away. Of course, we didn’t know how long the attack would last but neither did the folks in charge. We also KNOW the help that was 2 hours away was never sent. Why? That question is one we KNOW has never been answered. Oh wait. That question was answered by Leon Penetta. He said we don’t send troops in to harms way without more “real time” information. You may consider that particular question “answered”. However, many people find this answer inadequate since we do send our military in to harms way without ALL the information. We do it all the time. That is what the military does. In addition, we now know they did have “real time” info. via drone. A drone was watching the whole attack unfold in real time. The folks in the Situation room watched the video feed from the drone. So, if the answer that Mr. Penetta gave is a satisfactory answer to you, then maybe we just have a difference of opinion on what a satisfactory answer is.
“The administration DID NOT LIE about the attacks. The embassy was not beefed up for TWO obvious and glaring reasons. Republicans cut funding for embassy security and the ambassador who lost his life specifically requested no greater military footprint than was already on the ground because he felt any more would have strained relationships and added to tension.”
This is not true. First, it has been long established that cuts in funding had nothing to do with Benghazi. As soon as that was put out there is was quickly debunked. This was a very weak attempt to shift this to the republicans. Benghazi had no funding issues, at all. Second, Amb. Stevens made numerous request for increased security. His emails to the state dept. have been recovered and published. One of the more pressing questions has been why were his request ignored? Why didn’t the State Dept. do something when they were made aware of the impending danger? According to the Amb. he was growing very concerned about his safety and others working at the facility. He outlined in great detail the reason for his growing concern and he sent correspondence over a period of several months. He was actually told, at one point, that no addition security would be provided. The State Dept. even decreased security replacing many of our military guards with locals. Now we know how detrimental that move was. Read his emails for yourself. All this information is out there for anyone and everyone to see.
” Do your best to illustrate how championing Benghazi merely reveals how they have not a single other thing with which to gin up the base.”
Well, half the country would strongly disagree with you. There is plenty to “gin up the base.” There is Benghazi, Fast & Furious, NSA spying scandal, spying and listening to selected AP reporters, the disaster they call Obamacare, if you like your plan you can keep your plan, Sebelius & Hatch Act violation, Solyndra, EPA Lisa Jackson scandal, failure to prosecute the New Black Panthers, IG’s firing, Rosengate, Holder perjury, Sebelius demanding payment, Pigford Scandel, IRS targeting, etc etc etc….
There is plenty to “gin up” the base.
More breaking news on Benghazi. Watch to interview with Eric Stahl(Ret) he was the pilot on the C-17 that was there the next day to pick up the 33 survivors (that no one has been able to talk to yet after 21 months)the injured and the 4 who died. He was in Germany on a stand by status and said he could have easily gotten to the facility in time to save those who died. He also said the Amb. had asked for a similar plane to be on stand by status just in case anything came down and he was denied for unknown reasons. So, it looks like you don’t have the correct information only the talking points. And everyone who has read this blog thinks they have the facts and they do not.
http://www.ijreview.com/2014/06/147155-benghazi-matters-breakdown-bogus-memes-deflections-deception-lies-screw-ups-cover-ups/
http://www.buzzfeed.com/katherinemiller/the-right-wing-has-its-own-upworthy-and-you-wont-believe-how
Okay,so……. what does that have to do with anything? You may try to discredit the source. However, the facts on Benghazi don’t rely on any one source because they are the facts. Most of which I got from the hearings. So, I don’t get your point.
Still no one is asking why General Ham’s rucese team was told to stand down, not once but twice, and then relieved of his command? when he later ignored the stand down order. Something stinks to high heaven. Even the two seals who came to their aide were originally told to stand down. So basically there were only two people at the CIA safe house, ambassidor Stevens and his aide.
Gee – is everyone as shocked as I am that the republicans LIED about Benghazi?
But of course now that the truth is out, the republicans will admit they made up lies because they know how easy it is to fool the fools.
And of course the fools who were fooled into spreading these lies will apologize for being weak minded enough to blindly believe those lies.
And of course Santa is coming to town next month too.
From http://www.nbcnews.com/…/house-benghazi-report-finds-eviden…
House Benghazi Report Finds Evidence Doesn’t Back Rumors
The Republican-led House Select Committee on Intelligence on Friday released its report on the deadly 2012 attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, and it found that the military and the Central Intelligence Agency responded appropriately during the attacks.
The investigation, which took nearly two years and thousands of hours of work, found the CIA had “ensured sufficient security” and “bravely assisted” on the night of attacks that killed four Americans, including U.S. Ambassador Christopher Stevens. The panel also found no intelligence failure prior to the attacks.
The committee said it found no evidence that the military was ordered to “stand down” during the attacks in Benghazi, as some had claimed, and that “appropriate U.S. personnel made reasonable tactical decisions that night.” It also found no evidence of similar claims that the CIA was involved in arms shipments or other unauthorized activities.
The report did say that the initial narrative by the White House that the attack stemmed from a protest was not accurate, but it blamed that on contradictory intelligence assessments in the attack’s aftermath rather than an effort to obscure the truth. The committee said it found “no evidence that any officer present during the attacks was intimidated” to prevent them from addressing Congress or revealing what they witnessed.
May I use your disclaimer if I find it necessary to do so? I really don’t want to harm any republicans either. I just want to shake them til all that gunk comes out. Of course, then, I’d probably step in something gooey and unpleasant.
–Thanks for the great laugh and good humor.