Clown Car Begets Short Bus
May 8th, 2015 | 
Author: Twenty two viable republican candidates for president of the United States.
Not necessarily legitimate.
Not necessarily credible.
Not necessarily sane or reasonable.
Of course not.
But viable.
Sure.
So what is this?
On one hand, it is a sure sign that the entire conservative movement is fracturing and imploding and courting extinction and flirting with obsolescence and otherwise devolving into a parody or a cartoon or a malodorous stain on American history etc.
I confess, republicans keep me partisan.
On the other hand, maybe it’s on purpose.
Could be there’s a reason.
The earlier a republican candidate declares is in direct but inverse proportion to how seriously that candidate will be taken. So far we have Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, Carly Fiorina, Rand Paul and Ted Cruz. Now that’s a clown car. Holy crap. Take a minute and picture them. What this group has in common is a remarkable facility for chucking red meat directly onto the grill at every teabilly picnic, wake and campground. Lowest common denominator politics. Each one of them is some amount of greedy, cynical and stupid. None of them will get the nomination but the base will be foaming and frothing with pitchforks and torches before they run out of money.
It’s people like you what causes unrest.
The same can be said for the rest of the field that has yet to declare. They serve at the pleasure of the elite whether they know it or not. The smarter ones understand it for the transaction. The smarter ones who occupy the greedy and cynical end of the curve anticipate the bargain and never intended being elected in the first place. If they actually aspired to give a mad fuck, they would run for an office they actually have a chance of winning.
It can be a lucrative business, running for president.
Higher speaking fees and bigger book advances.
Swimming pools.
Movie Stars.
The stupid ones anchoring the other end of the curve, the Donald and the Ricks Perry and Santorum, will be branding. With little more than hubris and the presence of mind of a goldfish in hand, they’ll come out even bigger assholes than before. They serve a purpose and will sustain some level of relevance and aggrandizement for themselves.
Some surrogates romance the base even after the primary.
They can’t help it.
They have a chip on their shoulder and pack a grudge for a long time despite having the attention span of pigeons.
It is the convenience afforded whatever candidate is left standing. The one who will have already been anointed by way of money and judicial fuckery. No need to labor the onus of firehosing us with all the hateful shit. He’ll be standing on the shoulders of them that came before him.
He can be cryptic about that near takeover of Texas by Obama’s federal Kenyan jihadis. He can be family values. He can be as populist as he needs to be. He can lie about everything else.
Whoever he is he’ll have the luxury of being able to focus on the important issues.
The really challenging shit.
Drinks for my friends
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Maybe it’s my tinfoil hat slipping, but I get the feeling that the clown car riders are playing roles and are, unbeknown to them, being played as well.
That they’re all too self-involved or too stupid to see it.
That their ‘campaigns’ are part of a much larger, grand scheme, a pre-show, designed to make the true ‘Son of Koch’, the one candidate/puppet who secretly holds the keys to their Koch-hearts, emerge being perceived as far more moderate, more “common sense”, that is, less crazy, than all the earlier candidates. That this is the build-up to the leading act. Granted, it would be a very expensive way to get your Golden Boy into office. But with the U.S. now dangerously teetering on the brink of devolving into a true theocratic oligarchy – with only the pretense of democracy remaining – it would seem the coming election is the most vital the wealthy and powerful have seen since David Koch’s 1980 run as the Libertarian Party’s vice-presidential candidate. Especially when you add the possible appointments of up to three Supreme Court judges.
The 2014 elections put the pieces in place. The Supreme Court’s worst decisions and the recent announcement by the Chair of the Federal Election Committee that violators likely won’t be charged have braced the door open. The wealthy have never been in a better position to own the U.S.A. I fear the coming election will be considered by historians as the one that determined our 21st century glory…or our downfall.
My money is on Scott Walker … he’s the biggest Kochsucker in the bunch …
Tom Cotton
Not cool to refer to the short bus in that way.
A lot of folks on my friend list worked with me as service providers for people with special needs. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from them.
I assumed he referred to the movie
Nailed it, bruh…nailed it!
So far, all I have seen from the Republican camp are the window lockers…so, I believe you are right.
I think the nominee would have to be a moderate to have any chance of winning. But moderates won’t make it through the primary unless they’re the ones being backed by the big money. However, it seems like Big Money is behind the fear mongering and spreading rumors about a takeover of Texas. So, the chances of having one of the crazies on the GOP ticket may be better than it should. Still, if they want to wrest back control of the military for corporations like Halliburton…. Either way, great analysis of this madness. Nobody does it better!
This is not related directly to this article, but I think all,of you might want to know.
A new thing from,conservatives on Facebook is that liberals are mentally ill. They have “proof” in the form of a long time psychiatrist saying this.
I decided to do a little checking and found there were indeed articles regarding mental illness in liberals. Suspiciously, though, none of the articles were from psychiatric journals. I then looked up psychiatric journals and lookedliberals as mentally ill again. There were articles with those words in them, but it was about liberals being more accepting of the mentally ill in the community.
When I looked up conservatives as mentally ill in psychiatric journals, I got many hits.
The jounals did talk about the more extremes of both left and right had higher probabilities of some mental illness.
Good investigative work, Donna!
Great article, Michael! I especially liked: “The stupid ones anchoring the other end of the curve, the Donald and the Ricks Perry and Santorum, will be branding. With little more than hubris and the presence of mind of a goldfish in hand, they’ll come out even bigger assholes than before.”
Now when I watch Perry and Santorum, I’ll be imagining air bubbles coming out of their mouths.