Really?

You people floor me.

There is no way all of you can be this goddamn dumb.

How do you deserve the benefit of my doubt?

Rick Perry.

Could not remember one of three government agencies he would absolutely abolish if he were elected during a live televised presidential debate.  Despite that, he’s running again.  This time he’s wearing glasses.  Under federal indictment.

Unfuckingbelievable.

George W. Bush.

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”

Same deal.  You know the rest.

What happened?

I mean, how is it that you can possibly even entertain the notion that the US military under executive order will be invading you anytime soon?

What exactly the hell is wrong with you people?

You publish textbooks for the rest of the country that actually endorse completely ridiculous shit like Moses is the father of our democracy and our founding fathers gave more than a passing fuck about Christianity.  You actually fight to include creationism in your science.  You would have modern homo sapiens cavorting with goddamn dinosaurs.

You’re just as crazy for the death penalty as you are for saving fetuses.  You lead the nation in executions. It doesn’t matter whether those pregnancies are the result of violent rape by a jaundiced and crusty alcoholic uncle.  You actually lead the nation in laws that defy and ignore women’s rights over their own bodies.  While you’re simultaneously adamant those fetuses never benefit from a single social program or basic infrastructure.

That’s the kind of stupid that just can’t be fixed.

The only people, the only place Ted Cruz is taken seriously is your state.  He said proposed federal relief for victims of Hurricane Sandy was a pork project that would serve only to further expand our national debt.  As opposed to helping people that just got their asses handed to them by God I guess.  Then he completely lacks shame in begging for federal funds for the climate disaster visiting his state now.  A disaster that just about every scientific mind agrees is the result of the human impact on climate change that Ted Cruz vehemently denies.

Every thing is is bigger in Texas, even the mendacious hypocrisy of your elected representatives.

Ted Cruz is a lying, hypocritical prick, he’s your junior senator and he is absent self awareness so profoundly that he is running for president too.

Your senior Senator is John Cornyn.  Oh boy.  Apparently you people hate the poor bastard.  Because he endeavored to end the economic maelstrom his party created by holding his nose and voting for the bailout.  He said it was a “necessity” and he was right.  Because he voted to raise the minimum wage from $5.15 per hour to $7.25, which still wouldn’t allow for a homeless man to support himself even with all the dumpster diving a man, woman or child could avail themselves of.  And he voted to raise the debt ceiling, to pay the bills he and his colleagues had already written checks for.  Gosh, no wonder you hate him.

You gave us Louie Gohmert and Pete Sessions, thank you very much.

Your entire state seems to revere stupidity and celebrate ignorance.

Highest percentage of minimum wage jobs in the country.

Lowest rate of high school graduates.

Top three in teenage pregnancy.

Dead last in voter turnout.

Greater reliance on federal aid than any other state.

You want to secede but don’t understand you’d never make it on your own without the filthy federal government lucre you so despise.

I have a number of friends from Texas and they all say you are the stupidest motherfuckers they have ever met and that is why they left.

The dirty South indeed.

The epicenter of American stupidity and the cartoon that inspires the loathing of America by every other civilized country.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what you are all so proud of.

Drinks for my friends.

 

 

 

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