Archive for the ‘Chris Rock’ Category

“George Bush fucked up so bad he made it hard for a white man to run for President” -Chris Rock

McCain’s tie sucked but his knot was way better than Our Man’s. Our Man’s tie was far superior. We now know he has a better informed sense of the sartorial.

At approximately forty minutes in, Our Man is cleaning geriatric clock. Doubtfire lands a few haymakers but this thing is pivoting on body shots.

Not a bad game. Good fight. Sugar Ray Leonard vs. Roberto Duran circa 1980 in New Orleans. Doubtfire stops short of “No Mas”. Our Man is a boxer, an athletic technician. Stiff jabs and quick blows to the torso. The pasty little bastard is nothing if not a brawler. Smart to box this first round, as silly as it sounds, Obama realizes he’s still introducing himself this night to a shitload of white people.

I bet he punches a little harder come round two. I read somewhere today that boxing terminology is the accepted brand for political commentary. So be it.

In business, in life, in friendship, the most important question is what have you done for me lately (?). Doubtfire dwells in the past. He ducks, bobs and weaves with enough skill to avoid looking like an advanced alzheimers victim. Too much of it was not inspired or even novel. Instead it was boiler plate, stump speech bullshit. There was the “Miss Congeniality” thing for example. Evidence of an inability to think on his feet. Sad.

To his credit, he swung what he had. Hard.

So he can dance. With the exception of a few flurries and some jabs that looked good but didn’t sting, McCain performed like a man with old lungs, old legs and an aged intellect.

Our Man floats above the discourse. He dips down by necessity, and as he does so, he’s elegant, eloquent and Presidential. His cool charisma is in in stark contrast and a welcome respite from Doubtfire’s snide, and patronizing vitriol. There’s not much worse than a man attempting to engage in patronage when he has no reason or right to even try.

There are moments where I honestly anticipated his nearly translucent head exploding off his body in violent lift off like a Saturn Five rocket coming off the pad.

Here’s what’s interesting. I endeavor to abstain from bias or ideology. Simultaneously, I understand I can’t hope to honestly embrace the idea entirely. I do my best. Despite my efforts, McCain looked a fool to me. He was empty, clumsy and consistently off point. I was a little embarrassed for him.

I could plow the field for issues, dig up the substance, but if you’re a regular reader, you already know where I stand and who I agree with. Suffice it to say, Our Man was specific and clear and I agreed with most of it.

What will they say about this debate? I’m sure it will be crap. Irresponsible, despite low expectations for McCain. They will render it stupider than it was because of their own inherent chasm of misunderstanding. An inability to recognize or even look for the right things.

Somebody help with the idea that contests so important don’t have to end up as a carnival competition. This is serious business. The wrong guy could doom humans as a species. I guess people don’t understand that. If McCain is elected, there’s a far better than fifty percent chance that Sarah Palin will end up as President.

There’s a one hundred percent chance the world will be right about just how stupid we are.

Given her recent performances, limited though they be, this simply cannot come to pass. Think about it. Hard. See what I’m saying?

Let me be clear here. I want you all to understand exactly what I mean. No innuendo. No metaphor.

It’s unlikely either candidate changed any already decided minds in this venue, but McCain was obvious as the man he is. Rigid, ill-tempered, the polar opposite of affable and perpetually on the verge of a tantrum. He was unable to even look at Obama. Our Man was in complete control. Restrained even. Presidential. I was proud.

Jim Lehrer from PBS, did a bang up job, even exhorting the two to look at each other and answer. Doubtfire never did and Obama did effortlessly.

I was sad and disgusted to see Doubtfire close with the P.O.W. shuffle. Pathetic.

You see he hired his nurse to be his Vice President too -Chris Rock

Round one, Obama.

Drinks for my friends.