Archive for the ‘Katie Couric’ Category

First off, forgive the focus of late, but it really is the most important issue of the day. The next month, and barring the apocolypse, a few generations from now at least.

You know, the election.

I gotta get this first thing out because it’s like a turd in my mouth. Sarah Palin is out of her element. A moose in the headlights. She rocketed past unprepared. Stopped to flirt with ignorant. Now she plays house with “special”. Unfuckingbelievable.

Take a glance at her interviews with Katie Couric. Absurd. Score one for Couric and mainstream media. Nice job.

You’re in a fuel efficient car at night, that moose is in the road, She’s coming through the windshield and taking out all occupants. She’ll still fuck your SUV all the way up, kill you and your co-pilot. She’s stupid AND she’s big. You know, metaphorically.

I’m really starting to worry about the carnage this Moosewoman* may be able to visit on the world. Imagine the average joe in another country sitting there watching Palin’s words translated literally across the bottom of the screen. He’s eating some eggs or having a beer and thinks she must be among the best we have.

I see this scenario in my head rather vividly and I’m embarrassed. I understand What’s Her Name in her native tongue and I am in awe. In the context of politics, American history and world affairs, she thinks it’s all ball bearings these days. She’s retarded.

Sarah Palin gutted Joe Biden and wore him like a pantsuit -Colbert

Ha!

I can’t wait for tomorrow night. The newly constricted format might just work for Biden. Maybe that’s why they of the men only vagina cult (Democrats), accepted the terms. Biden is a blowhard and his instinct will be to slap the shit out of her. Metaphorically, of course.

I hate to do this but I’m on the pot, feeling the gin and otherwise bold of heart and purpose.

Not merely optimism, but theoretical plausibility.

Official Brainspank Prediction: An Obama knockout by midnight, PST November Fourth, the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Eight. If not an absolute cinch, a forecast by most news agencies, a done deal confirmed by the morning papers.

Too bad Carlin’s dead.

Drinks for my friends.

*new nickname alert

Just like Doubtfire, economics is not my strong suit. I took macro and micro in college, over twenty years ago. I bought and sold a house that earned me a profit. Kinda. I can do math in my head. Kinda.

Ironically, in recent months I’ve become a banker, monkey suit and all. Not a real banker, but I sell credit, money. Most of my work is from home surrounded by empty containers of every kind. Gin bottles and ketchup packets, candy wrappers and Lysol dispensers. Fast food wrappers and plastic bags from Rite Aid.

I don the gorilla costume to actually show up at the bank and close deals I’ve solicited. Haven’t made shit yet, but I like my job.

Anyway, this bailout was a shitty bill, yet the stock market reacted disastrously when it didn’t pass. It cost American industry over a trillion dollars in one day. That’s a figure neither you or I have the capacity to even imagine.

The most humongous one day free fall in the history of the NYSE. Just last week we saw WaMu take the dirt nap. The largest bank in the history of the world to fail.

It’s gettin ugly up in here.

For once I agree with Ben Stein, he posits that the ideal would be a bill that extinguishes the fire from the bottom to the top. A bill that would allow for assistance to the homeowners and therefore trickle up if you will, to strengthen the lending institutions and banks on the verge of collapse. I’m a populist, so I tend to cast a favorable eye on an idea like that. The rich have made their money, the middle class are getting shithammered. The poor are more fucked than ever.

For you ingnorant fucks, ‘populist’ is code for socialist or even communist.

I also agree with Stein and Paul Krugman that something has to be done and fast. Credit must flow in ways you and I don’t understand. This is a financial conflagration that must have high pressure hoses trained on it right away.

Yes, it’s the fat bastards that are on fire, it’s weird how their outer layer pops and sizzles like bacon. I hate the smell of their hairy backs burning. Unfortunately, they still have the keys to the universe for most of us. Pricks. No matter what, it’s gonna suck, so we need to get started.

It’s ok they were allowed to burn for a few.

Put the fire out and hang the rich later.

I’m really not interested in who said what and why it didn’t pass. Pelosi chastised the dickheads and their panties ended up in a bundle. That makes them pussies. It’s awfully nice to see John Boehner get spanked by his own party though. I hate that guy. High comedy. Excellent drama.

Maybe just this once, partisan politics will lead to better legislation. Maybe. I hate to say it, but I’m of the opinion that congress needs to pass something and Dumbya needs to sign it. Sooner rather than later.

By the way, have you seen Dumbya lately? Looks like he’s been on the recieving end of a few too many blanket parties. I bet he’s drinking again and I don’t blame him. He’s the biggest fuck up in the entire world. He’ll end his days in a comfortable chair stinking of beer and cigarettes. In an upscale Texas trailer park. A doublewide with a paved carport at least. The high point of his day will be Jerry Springer and watering the dry patches out back. Around seven he’ll switch from beer to whiskey. His neighbors will like him and he’ll hang lights for Christmas until he falls in the kitchen and breaks his hip. He’ll stop beating Laura.

Forgive me.

What will be interesting, is the Vice Presidential debate on Thursday, the same day Congress returns after holiday. Palin vs. Biden. I like Joe Biden but it will be the blowhard against the moose in headlights.

What’s up with the old man showing up to hold Whats Her Name’s hand for round two with Katie? Pitiful. Sheezus. He doesn’t trust her and she doesn’t know shit.

So much for suspending your campaign and postponing the debate until the crisis has been averted, huh Doubtfire? Go home and ride the mower dude.

“He [Dumbya] tried to ruin the country in his first term, now he’s trying to ruin the world in his second term. Let’s not give him [McCain] a third term”. -Paul ‘high functioning moron’ Begala

“We may all be killed” -Paul, Blue Velvet

Drinks for my friends.

Paul Begala said it of Dumbya about his speech last night and whether there was any resonance. I fell off the couch howling.

He was saying that no one cared. I had to watch the speech in pieces. A yawner. I kept thinking about how close together his eyes are.

The full twelve minutes was empty of anything save for common knowledge and the mashing, over and over, of the fear button. The red one that makes bells ring. He really should just stay out of this. He wields zero influence and has long since squandered any credibility, particularly in matters financial.

A high functioning moron.

And did ya see McCain’s broad with Katie Couric today? You have got to be fucking kidding me. I’m comfortable calling her a broad because she shoots magnificent defensless mammals but ducks the press. This broad is dangerously clueless.

I really hope Doubtfire takes a powder tomorrow night in Mississippi. What a tool.

Washington Mutual took the dirt nap today. Biggest S&L in the country and the largest bank in the history of the world to ever collapse. JP Morgan bought all the juicy debt. I think we got stuck with the rest.

It’s surreal, as it gets better, as in more entertaining, it gets worse, in terms of consequences.

A materialization of the perfect storm. The tempest without flaw that I’ve been predicting for years. There is no joy in being right about this one. It’s stupid and disgusting.

The blame here rests as much on John Q. Public’s shoulders as it does on any head of state, titular or not. We allowed this. We encouraged it with our ignorance, apathy, laziness and cowardice. We are fools on this ship already compromised of buoyancy by failed leadership. Despite the obviating of the inevitable. As we speak, this vessel of American prosperity and potential heads full steam towards the mother of all icebergs.

Good job. We should all take a bow. Yes, especially the stupid ones. Couldn’t have done it without them.

Know what alarms me the most about the whole thing? We don’t have the money. It’s preposterous. We are so broke we can’t pay respect. They say seven hundred billion but we’re borrowing ten billion a month for Iraq.

Guess what passed yesterday? A defense spending bill for over six hundred billion. Understand that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are not accounted for in that bill.

Start thinking about who you can blow and/or people with extra rooms. Prioritize things like clotheslines, wells and land enough for crops. Don’t worry about propane camp stoves, but a tent, sleeping bags and firearms are all smart purchases. Don’t forget the bullets!

I’m not here to dip your popsicle in dog hair but you need to be on top of this. This shit is realtime. Many of them are shrugging their shoulders with the attitude that it’s one last ass rape before they walk away. They. Don’t. Care. Think Doubtfire does? I don’t. He’s taking an unsanctioned time out. Tried to cover himself by putting Palin out in front today. No luck to be had there. She hit her mouth on the way down.

High comedy.

Both of them made of paper. One born that way, the other worn down to it. Empty shells. Empty suits. A future of mere mediocrity awaits both, regardless of how the election lands.

Barack Hussein Obama will not save us. He will not deliver us from evil. Yet I have every reason to believe that it is within his power to change the direction of this country. That is what I expect. It is why I will vote for him. I must tell you that my optimism is heavily mitigated by my fondness for the truth in the form of absolutes.

There is honesty and lies in almost everything. Black and white, cut and dried is still available, but rare. I respect the gray but seek and heed the black and white. Absolutes.

Here is absolutely the most honest and truthfull thing I can say to you. Barack Obama is your best bet. He is your only bet. Nader and Ron Paul have ceased to matter. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You don’t want to put your money on the other side. Even if you win, you’ll be very, very sorry.

He’s not here to come into your livingroom, solve your problems and go next door to solve theirs. Anyone who claims to do that is a liar. I’m hoping he can swing enough lumber to restore some fairness for Americans despite race or class. I don’t know he’ll do this but I think he can.

I do expect him to get busy on this pointless war.

Drinks for my friends.