Archive for the ‘New Hampshire’ Category

Kentucky and Oregon vote tomorrow. She’ll take the hillbillies, he’ll take the hippies. The song remains the same, but our man edges ever closer and she can’t do the math.

At least she shows these days without handfulls of odiferant fecal matter/compost. No cheap shots lately. She understands she needs to stop being a vicious unethical bitch, bat her eyes and bring a nice bottle to dinner if she’s gonna get a juicy cabinet post or be prospected for assistant manager.

Warren Buffett, evil man and also the world’s richest, endorsed Senator Obama today. You don’t get to be that rich without blood on your hands. Bill Gates is doing everything he can for extra credit. Has he endorsed yet?

Ok, good. You know the most senior member of the US Senate and former “Exalted Cyclops” of the kkk, Robert Byrd endorsed our man today. Uh, both weird and cool. Kinda big too. I respect Mr. Byrd, despite his past.

Endorsements I’d like to see:

1. Colin Powell

2. David Letterman

3. Is there a union, besides MENSA for smart people who pay attention? If so, them.

4. Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. Despite being dead, they could sway a number of dumb old white people.

5. Oprah. Wait.

6. Gene and Paul from KISS. They connect well with the mullets. We need them.

7. The Beastie Boyz. Tremendous Jew factor.

8. Lee Majors. More mullets and lots more stupid people.

9. Cronkite still alive?

10. Furnell Chapman. He’s black too. Excellent toupee.

11. Bob Dole.

12. Big Jim Slade.

13. The tide. Wait. The ocean and the moon.

14. The Big Lebowski.

15. Brainspank. Wait.

16. Is there a union for really stupid people besides the NRA?

17. Who’s got a mint?

18. Any remote test facility.

19. Kraft. Cheese. Any Kraft product with cheese.

20. True Blooded.

It is time for the pantsuit to walk. She’s a deficit to the campaign for a Democratic Whitehouse. She flirts with absurdity and her butt looks big cause her ass pockets are stuffed with opprobrium. Take a goddamn pill, you’ve made your point. We see through you. Take a walk lady. Take a goddamn walk. Pull the fork from your back and take Big Bad Bill to an island somewhere. Get drunk and hoover him. Call Chelsea. Take pictures.

Come back and work like the demon you are for our man. Turn Bill and Chelsea loose. It’s the right thing.

Just do it.

Anyone remember Bella Abzug?

Drinks for my friends.

Hillary prevails because the women of New Hampshire saw her tear up. Obama carried women in Iowa. He didn’t in New Hampshire.

Who carried the Gays?

Stay with me.

I do wish Edwards had somehow been able to maintain the trifecta. Here, the difference of deep pockets glares at us. Shame on you New Hampshire. He is clearly the best of the three, at least in terms of message.

Ralph Reed is on CNN. What the hell is he doing there? I loathe this bastard. Christian Coalition fucktard. But wait, he just said what I said about Hillary. What should I do with that? Does’t matter, he’s a dickhead.

Ron Paul wrestling with Skeletor for fourth makes me grin like a poor kid with a new bike.

Looks like Richardson will take his ball home. No big loss but a good man.

Record Democratic turnout and Republican voters are actually down. The poor kid with the new bike just got a new bell and a sparkly gold banana seat.

Wolf Blitzer sucks.

Edwards is tired and so is his speech. It is true, righteous even, but tired. No original chords or melodies. Yet still, good populist stuff. Honest. The best message out there. He tells us he’s staying in the fight. That’s good news. He is the best of any of the horses running with the remotest chance of winning.

I’m afraid my favorite little paste eater is unable to hide the fork sticking out of him. Oh well. So much for massive balls and complete honesty. If the upcoming Democratic administration has an intellectual conscience, Kucinich will have a place in it. I’m not holding my breath.

The Associated Press has just forecast Hillary as the winner. There’s lots to be said for inertia. Momentum.

It may be premature, yet as I say this CNN is owning it. I’ve watched enough elections to agree.

Obama speaks. Very well. This guy is good. Really good. This time he actually references MLK. This man, is a goddamn rockstar. Confidence, charisma and composure. Half the reason I watch is to see this guy play.

Blue eyed murder in a sideswipe dress.

Hillary speaks. She has aged before me. She is metered. Measured. Following Obama is a bitch. No pun intended. She’s virtually Stepford after a master orator. She’s kinda plastic. She kinda sucks. Weak finish.

The Bill & Hillary machine is awesome, however. What we saw was that impressive apparatus in swift and purposeful motion at the bottom of the ninth in the second game of seven. Very impressive.

Here they come. I told ya.

The content was significantly more populist in both Democratic speeches.

You aren’t stupid. I know this because you’re here. I’m sure you can imagine me pulling the lever for whatever Democrat rises to the surface of this contest.

And that’s just what I’ll do.

It’s not that the Democrats are so great, although a few are, it’s that the Republicans suck so fucking much. McCain can’t even comb his own hair. Poor bastard. He’s the best they can do? He’s got a hard on for the war for painfully, and I do mean painfully, obvious reasons and I imagine he has some degree of PTS.

Dick-in-Bush snuck up behind and sucker punched him in 2000. When he woke up he was finished and bitter. Who wants this guy on the switch?

Hustler magazine has this regular feature where they render a photo of a female celebrity with a huge cock in her mouth. It’s hysterical. I know some folks over there and I’m going to call and request that they do the biggest blowhard on the planet, Mitt Romney.

Then there’s our man Skeletor. Fuck him.

Forgive me for not being able to take these assholes seriously.

Drinks for my friends.

The New Hampshire debates are nothing if not entertaining.

Really, it got a little ugly between the Democrats, still, they stayed germane to the most important issues. They all did well. It’s an excellent field.

Hillary is starting to swing and we like that. Nothing untoward, she just rolled up her sleeves and demonstrated she was ready.

I missed Kucinich and Biden.

The biggest gaff for me was Richardson’s pounding near the base of his mic to emphasize his sluggish and doddering message about his message about being a governor and a two time cabinet apointee.

This guy is cabinet worthy for sure but he’d suck as President. He’s smart and probably very capable but he’d bore me in a bar.

See what I’m saying?

I wonder if all the sudden Edwards is bucking for assistant manager or maybe just using some camaraderie with Obama to pinata Hillary a little. I like this guy. He was interesting and I’m a sucker for his populist rhetoric.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch the Republicans. Saw a clip of Guiliani saying that the difference between his party and the Democrats is Democrats want to raise your taxes and he wants to lower them.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

We are in an economic cluster fuck of shitstorm proportions and this absolute dickhead wants to talk about tax cuts. I fucking hate this guy. He and Fred Thompson both (who seems to have gone the way of the Do Do, thankfully), are almost invisible when they turn sideways because they’re constructed entirley of paper.

Never mind that what is being talked about is reversing the cuts given to the wealthy over the last seven years, who’ve gotten wealthier by the way, and finding ways to eliminate the government sponsored drain on the middle class, who are sinking by the way.

Then on Fox tonight I see Huckabee and Romney shoulder to shoulder attempting to out obfuscate each other about…………..

Wait for it.

That’s right.

Fucking taxes.

I really hate these guys.

I picture Napoleon Dynamite slapping his head.

The contrast is so acute, it is simultaneously comic and egregious.

I watched it tonight on CNN and again, somebody had travelled forward in time, observed my reactions and then travelled back to put my impressions in the mouths of CNN talking heads.

Frustrating. Anybody hiring?

Drinks for my friends.