Archive for the ‘Paris’ Category

I just now remembered that one day, five or seven
years ago, a friend unknowingly demonstrated that had no idea how to pet a cat. He patted and stroked The Gurry awkwardly, without any
rythm. This, despite the fact that he had two of his own. It
was obvious that the pleasure of the cat was not even
in the periphery of the moment for him.

For reasons unrelated, I now think of this guy as a complete douchebag.

I’ve never been able to write a damn thing in
longhand. The tempo is all wrong. I must have a
keyboard. Plus, I loathe the physical act of writing.
Filling out a check or the return address on an
envelope represents a major pain in the ass to me.
I hate deposit slips.

As a kid I was fascinated by the maginfying effect of
water. I kept all manner of things submerged in
glasses and jars full of water. Rocks, marbles,
cereal box toys, coins……………

I can actually see sounds. What a cool thing it is to
have made records and then listen to them.
“Swallowing colrs of the sounds I hear” -Ozzy

I used to think most people weren’t stupid, they just
failed to pay attention. Now I’m not so sure. I
catch myself not paying attention and I’m not stupid.

The difference between Rosie and Paris is that Rosie
stands for something. It matters not how foolish or wise.
Paris is held aloft by our collective gasp, whether it
be in disgust, dismay or disbelief.

Dick Cheney is the most evil motherfucker to ever SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. This is because he has never given a mad fuck about a single one of us. I fucking hate him and his little dog Dumbya too.

Sorry. Yay team.

Lewis Black on Stewart just said that a fake news show on Fox should show real news. I love this guy. I love that Stewart won’t let the latest Cheney hubris go. Way to go my little Jack Russel Terrier.

Coors Light has labels that turn white mountains blue when the bottle reaches an acceptable temperature for consumption. Genius.

CNN 360 with Andy C has been rockin the enviromental tip of late. Good for them. Andy himself endeavors to be remembered for never having spake the name of America’s favorite heiress. You gotta love that.

By the way, the last five or seven blogs I’ve posted have all included records I produced, recorded and or mixed in the ‘tell us what you’re listening to’ section. I used to be cool.

My shrink and I have had numerous protracted conversations about social networking via the internet and my level of participation in said. She’s careful to focus on the role it plays in my overall social sphere and she never strays into the pejorative.

It’s days like today that provide the most petite of ephinanies. I understand her emphasis, now that I cannot send or recieve messages on myspace and I want to kill harmless birds with a fork.

I honestly feel a low frequency shittiness right now.

Myspace is a pretty vital communication conduit for me. I interact with a lot of people every day on it. I’ve made good friends, rediscovered old ones and even found hot women to make out with and buy dinner for. I’m somewhere over twenty two thousand hits on my blogs.

It’s like I bit my tongue or pissed myself. It won’t go away.

And oh my, it is indeed darkest before the dawn. The lord taketh away and he giveth. The storm was violent and it did so raineth and bloweth on the land, as to have us believe our demise was imminent. Yet at the last possible moment, when my streets were awash and my infants in danger of being swept away, the clouds did part and the sun did more than showeth.

Seems like my goddamn mail is finally working again.

Takes pistol out of mouth and places it on table pointing away.

Drinks for my friends.

So, the no confidence vote on Gonzales went down like
a flaming depleted uranium Zeppelin yesterday in the
Senate.

Big suprise.

Ooooh. The jackass party was able to achieve lockstep
for an action that was completely symbolic. Ahhhh!

Yet with barely a glance from the great unwashed, it’s
eggshell skull was dashed upon the rocks and sensitive
brains were washed away like scrambled embryos. Eggs, I mean.

Most who’s heads were opened in the fray were already inflicted with advanced scoliosis. A few lacked spines entirely but their floating visages were held aloft by the power of knowing that what they chose to do on this day didn’t matter a bit. After all, it was a foregone conclusion and no one was watching.

Paris was back in the pokey!

Their bravery and conviction would make my lips
quiver, if I had a fucking vagina!!

Do I care if Gonzales takes the dirt nap? I realize it doesn’t matter because they’ll just plug in another asshole. They’ll probably end up amputating one prong from whoever the poor bastard is because the neocons are a two prong receptacle. They lack a seperate ground. I digress.

Fuck yes I’d like to see that scheming, hopelessly corrupt, sociopathic, dickless excuse for wearing a suit, spiral into shame and oblivion. Maybe we can trump up some child molestation charges and send him to a state prison in Texas.

Really. Wow. Our legislative branch was not even
able to label the most overt stumblefuck of the
Dick-in-Bush administration a fucktard today. He counts as the most overt one because former superstars like Rumsfeld are gone.

What’s Rummy up to? Growing herbs in a window box and maybe a little model ship building?

“A waste of time”, the elephants of the GOP had to
say.

“Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell chided
Democrats for ‘spending our time on a meaningless
resolution about giving the president advice about who
the attorney general ought to be.’

-from Bloomberg.

It occurs to me that the legislative branch ought get
involved when the blind and ignorant or evil and all knowing executive branch dogmatically and stubbornly supports a complete loser.

I mean, according to his own testimony, Albert with a
0 (that’s a zero kids) can’t remember what his dick looks like. What he
likes in his coffee or if we’re all created equal.

See kids, here’s the deal. Gonzales is the bulkhead protecting Rove and Cheney on this issue. The same way Rumsfeld was on a completely different issue. The same way Libby was. The same way Peter Pace was. Or Powell, Ascroft, DeLay and Wolfowitz. Heard much from Condi lately? Bitch.

I typically write these rants once I’ve worked up a
head of steam, gotten my mad on, if you will. Tonight,
not so much. I’m not suprised and can barely manage
disappointed.

Let me take another run at this.

This guy is a global embarrassment. He’s a fucking
pawn. Everyone, and I mean every one, knows what this
sycophantic automaton is about. And it’s sick, that
this piece of shit gamepiece enjoys the blanket of
neoconservative warmth. That he who is supposed to
embody justice fights so obstinately against it. This
greasy prick showed up with with Andy Card at
Ashcroft’s bedside when he was fighting for his own
worthless life, to twist his arm into allowing our
Aronists Laureate to do whatever the fuck they wanted
to do to you and me.

He doesn’t recall any of it.

Before this bastard was the law of the land he was
chief waterboy at the pissing end of Dick-in-Bush. As
White House Counsel he wrote that which he is now in
charge of defending at the pleasure of Dumbya.

This is all disturbing and profoundly disgusting on a day when Paris Hilton commands more attention than any of what I’m
pontificating about. It makes me sure that at least
in some way, we deserve it.

We do actually. We’ve allowed a scenario where our
very own elected representatives are more beholdin’ to a single
party and its jingoistic disease of dogma than the constituents at who’s pleasure they’re supposed to serve. Pricks.

Just like our military, our congress, our executives, our values, our morals, our ethics, just like all of them, our judiciary and the office of Attorney General of the United States is rent asunder. Scorched, perhaps irreparably.

Bobby Kennedy held that office and it may have cost him his life.

If that wasn’t the beginning of the end I don’t know what was.

Everyone besides Dick-in-Bush understands that this
pooch is screwed. Gangraped, from hell to
breakfast. Nine ways to Sunday. It’s over. We broke
it. Possession is ours.

Our fault.

Drinks for my friends.

Who honestly gives a mad fuck? 45 days or 21 or whatever, in jail.

Not, where the rest of us would do time,
but in a completely safe, isolated venue. Not in
any danger from violent inmates. No chance of getting
shanked with a shiv by an angry crack whore in gen-pop. No possibility of a furious acne scarred dyke with manly biceps and a pompadour forcing your delicate beak into her lesion festooned, puss oozing anal cleft……

Take my advice Miss Hilton. Read some books and focus on being more altruistic. Rescue some goddamn kittens. Bitch. Do your three weeks and endeavor to make it a positive experience. Try yoga.

This is precisely what’s wrong with us. That we care at all is absurd. It really disturbs me that people are rapt because although she is not all of us, she is a few of us, and at least a part of the rest of us aspire to be that.

Then there are those who belong to the same group as me. As long as she’s not subject to water boarding or any other US government approved interrogation method, I just can’t be bothered to afford a mad fuck.

I’m completely unconcerned if judge Sauer went beyond his authority with a harsh sentence that he insisted upon or whether Lee Bocca catered and pampered a celebrity who’s biggest claim to fame is smoking pole in front of a goddamn video camera.

I care that our legislative branch just demonstrated that they are incapable of crafting, much less enacting, a sensible immigration policy.

I care that someone else’s idea of God won’t get the fuck out of my politics. Did you see the Republican debates? Jesus fucking Christ. We may not elect a woman because she’s female. We may not elect a black man because he’s a nigger; at least according to the ignorant among us. But a Mormon who wears and believes in magical underwear has a real shot.

I honestly can’t wait for a gay candidate, that potential commander in chief has my vote automatically if only for the chaos that would ensue. That, would get my attention.

How many died in Iraq today?

Dumbya landed in Italy today where agents of our government are on trial for kidnapping people and sending them to be tortured. I care about this.

Ms. Hilton, there is a profound difference between people who’ve had their asses handed to them by the circumstances life is wont to visit upon us, and those who haven’t. I’ve gotten good at smelling that difference. Inevitably I favor those who’ve been there. Adversity is often good. My advice to you is to deal with it.

Honestly Ms. Hilton, were you smeared into a red stain tommorrow by a speeding bus, I’d only lament what you could have done. What someone born into your station in life should have done. Google Bill Gates, Bono or Jimmy Carter and realize that none of them were born in a position to affect change like you.

“Welcome to the jungle
We got fun ‘n’ games
We got everything you want
Honey we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money honey
We got your disease”

Drinks for my friends.