He believes the earth is a mere five thousand or so years old. Despite that, he’s a pretty classy whack job. There’s something I like about his wife. She’s not attractive in the traditional sense, but I like how she looks at him as she stands quietly just a little over his shoulder. There is the fact that he’s a musician. I like musicians.

Huckabee.

Obviously, Doubtfire has finally wrested Republican gravity from the worlds most charismatic Southern Baptist. Not so long ago, considerably less than a foregone conclusion. Interesting yet, the voluptuous Red diva has commenced to warble in tune.

Doubtfire, our little Bootlicker, would be king.

He speaks. Terrorism. Duh. I’m screeching. Douchebaggery compels me like the power of Christ. He speaks to honor, when we have lost it. He references a swift conclusion in Iraq, when he’s been quoted suggesting one hundred years may not be too long. He speaks as though a more equitable trade policy in the face of a new world economy is somehow xenophobic. He pledges better access to health care for “some” Americans. Not a bad speech though. I guess. Whatever.

Nope. I don’t really mean that. His audience is laconic. There seems to be an abundance of seniors. When he’s done, we hear Johnny Be Good. Sheeezus. Grand OLD Party you fucking A.

I can’t help but pity him and I’m not entirely comfortable with that.

Hills takes Rhode Island and she’s one for twelve. No offense to it’s fine citizens, but I’ve got hemorrhoids that occupy more real estate. I’ve got one grape of ass that has an actual Super Delegate. Try not to think of me differently.

The evening darkens for our man Obama, although he siezes Vermont. Official brainspank forecast for Ohio goes to Hills at 7:10 pacific standard. It’s a dead fucking heat in Texas.

“I told her, never in hell, no special reason.
Must a lied ’cause I ain’t leavin’.
We’re in for a very long night.” -Van Halen “Romeo Delight”

“Got one foot out the door
Tryin’ to hit the road
Ain’t no match for your mean old man
I think it’s time to roll” -Van Halen “One Foot Out The Door”

I think it’s time to walk away for a bit. I just can’t stand it.

7:59, CNN projects Hills gets the king in Ohio. They’re a little behind.

Not exactly a Phoenix from an ash heap but fuck me in the neck, I’m a little frustrated by the margin.

The talking heads on CNN are lead by Lou Dobbs and I guess I’ve been distracted because this Canadian/NAFTA flap is a bigger conflagration than I knew.

Whatever happens, this has been one speed demon of a of a whiplash of a political contest.

Holy shit, watch the tail on that thing.

She speaks and gloats with grace but I still don’t believe her.

She postures like it’s incumbent on whomever wants to win this contest, they must engage the little Bootlicker. She swings hard to shift the direction and tone of this dialog and the field it’s played on. She seeks to marginalize Obama by engaging Doubtfire.

Nice move Grasshopper.

It’s bold and will resonate. At what frequency, we shall see.

This whole “Yes We Will” sloganeering makes me want to puke. They Borg Obama. They’re assimilating his message. “Yes We Can”. Hopes and dreams etc. Barely a week ago she mocked his optimism.

This tactic gives me pause because it’s working. The Clintons are infamous for packing switchblades.

If he’s smart he will fire back.

Next, our man Obama speaks in Texas. He orates. He does. He goes right after Doubtfire. This man is so sharp. Pairs him with Hills and then wipes them both from his hands. The world and what will we show them? He turns the microscope back to you and me and reminds us that the world is watching. It is a subtle and profound sentiment folded inside powerful words.

He is literally as good as it gets.

He is why I watch.

His point and message, far above hers. Even when he loses, he somehow doesn’t.

More fun to watch when he loses.

HA!

I kinda don’t care what he or his people said to Canada. Canada isn’t a problem in the scheme of things.

See what I’m saying?

And we wait for Texas.

It’s an archaic process in a state that I sometimes think should secede and be it’s own goddamn country for the sake of us all. Two thirds of delegates awarded based on the popular vote and one third delivered by caucus.

I mean, fer fucks sake. Kinda makes the electoral college look a little less sinister.

I may have to wait for the paper.

Word to Obama. It’s the economy stupid.

I’m out.

Drinks for my friends.

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