I can’t stand it.

The polls are suspect, but way too close.

I’m so tired of worrying.

Should we brace ourselves for a complete clusterfuck?

The economy can barely walk, lung disease and a nasty infection. Coughing up yellow shit.

The polls are close.

Maybe. I honestly don’t know.

Let’s entertain the notion. Just for fun.

January 21, 2009. McCain and Palin stand behind bulletproof glass beaming. Imagine the splendor. The granduer of a four time face cancer survivor and a woman who in the words of Fred Thompson, “can field dress a moose”. Awesome, the dignity of the ancient dottard and his cheerleader sidekick in full flower.

Behind inch thick plexi, mouths steam as they are sworn. January in DC. No blossoms on the mall for at least four months.

Oh, the pageantry. Oh, the humanity.

Then what?

I’m picturing a return to hoop skirts and a resurgence of marbles among adolescent boys. Pinball will enjoy a fresh popularity. Roller skating with clay wheels and car side service by chicks in pantyhose. Mmmmmm, frosted mugs of bubbly rootbeer. Yo Yos. Hula Hoops. Casseroles and many more things made of yarn than seen today.

It’s gonna be great. Lotsa plastic whistles and balloons and fresh baked pies.

I’m a little sad it won’t be as cool as the future I anticipated.

I wish I could have both. Technology. Broadband internet and Hi def TV. I’m seriously in a holding pattern for virtual sex. I’m really curious about this new collider in Geneva. I like my Mac a lot. I really like the internet.

The innocence of dial telephones, the birth of the muscle car and not a single digital read out anywhere.

Radium watches. Unchecked toxic waste. Korea and Vietnam. The cold war.

Kinda like the fifties. You know, when Christianity held absolute sway in the heartland. When blacks weren’t elitist, much less uppity. They knew their place. Women too. We let them vote but they were aware that uppity was not an option. Not for white women anyway. We kept our shit real in the day. Head of household was just that.

Commander in fucking cheif.

Though this utopian lifestyle will take effect on the same day as the inauguration, there will be wrinkles.

It will be an adjustment, but nowhere near traumatic. Life is good. Take it easy. America has opted for real change. McCain Palin are here to bring change. Long after Obama said it sincerely, these two pillars of virtue assimilated that message and are here to visit it upon all of us.

Wrinkles.

The hot gust of a sulphur and garlic fart. Moist heat and a cosmic resonance.

From loose nukes and poverty, to even white folks fearing the police, peanut butter becoming a staple as well as a commodity. Just like pork bellies. The middle class will become the working poor and there will once again be Robber barons and Captains of industry.

It’s kind of exciting. Maybe train robbery will become viable again. Count on the ubiquity of mid century style liquor store robberies. We’ll all need to rely on ourselves more. Sometimes, it will be at the expense of our neighbors. Sometimes, at their peril. Many of us will be forced into lawlessness. Don’t be alarmed at this change, it’s just how some Republicans let us know they too believe in natural selection. It’s a wink at evolution. Even the brightest assholes are cool with Darwin.

We should all brush up on our agricultural know how. It’s gonna be big in the post technocratic age. Trust me, study your climate and soil. When everything goes down, loot the bookstore for gardening books, nevermind the convenience store. Hit the hardware store for shovels, wheelbarrows etc.

Make sure your cool on sunglases and hats. Steal as much sunscreen as you can find.

The music from the ice cream truck keeps on keeping on behind all of it. So help me god.

Whatever kids. That’s how the West was won.

Drinks for my friends.

4 Responses to “I can’t stand it.”

  • my fave in a while.

    Heather and I prefer pinball though.

    oh fuck.
    has it already started???

  • admin:

    Ha! Thanks dude.

  • If that happens….I’m moving to Finland. It was highly recommended by Bill Maher….and you can see Russia from there!

    Why don’t they give McCain some soup and engage him in a game of shuffleboard….distract him! Distract him! Maybe we can lure Palin away by the wafting smell of fresh moose stew….then send her to Africa to live with the minister she credited with praying to God to make her governor….maybe they’ll find more people to accuse of witchcraft and causing car accidents…so hmmm…how about an abandoned village…then put up signs around the perimeter that say….”Warning…Moose Crossing…beware of witches and the Rapture!”

    Give me a tequila sunrise…and if McCain becomes president….add a cyanide chaser.

  • admin:

    Thanks for readin doll 🙂

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