We’re the funniest monkeeeees…………..

Make that naive.

This race for President is what they call a statistical dead heat. Scary. My mind tells me this is to be expected. Most of the electorate are just beginning to pay attention. This scares me too.

They have almost completely assimilated Our Man’s message of “Change”, even after they made fun of it. It’s not a wafer thin slice of deli meat, not even an RCH short, of equal parts creepy and awesome. So depressingly illuminating. Proof that it doesn’t take much too fool some of the people all of the time. Proof that there’s an assload of them.

Same thing they did with patriotism.

I’m having a lazy day so expect nothing above the level of ad hominem, grandiloquent, fucking pomposity.

I gotta tell ya, this shit is ridiculous. Sarah Palin has not strayed from the script by so much as a misplaced pause. They were going to let her play with others on her own starting tommorrow but they understand two things. Not only is she way too short on experience and knowledge of any kind, but there’s enough stupid people in America lusting to hear the same goddamn thing she says every night, word for retarded word, over and over while they languish in their adult diapers.

Bonus, they hang around for Doubtfire.

I’m not here to pretend I’m confused or shocked. I’m thoroughly cognizant of how many mouth breathing, God fearing, dogmatically handicapped there are among us. It feels like the majority.

I’m not here to abandon hope. I’m still convinced our ticket will prevail. It has to. I’m not kidding when I say the future of the human species depends upon it.

Somehow, I retain optimism.

Here’s the deal. Just because they’re stupid doesn’t mean they can’t be manipulated by the forces of good. Proof they are infinitely malleable is the Darkside’s easy exploitation of millions by fear alone. Nothing says they won’t respond to logic and compassion.

It could happen. Regardless of whether it’s possible, it must come to pass. It must be.

What I’m trying to say here at the risk of sounding way too rah rah, is that it’s time for every single one of us to do something. Donate, volunteer, talk to your friends, intimidate your neighbors, staple bumper stickers to the heads of the great unwashed. Have parties. Get hookers and strippers to get other hookers and strippers involved. Recruit. Convince and pummel if necessary. Don’t be afraid to throw hands if they get snide on ya. If they’re like that, it’s a lost cause.

Try to hum the Star Spangled Banner to yourself and be sure to show good posture in administration of your duties as a member of the brighter side of things. Be positive and cheerful. Smile. Show them you care.

We always make the mistake of focusing on the fact that there’s so many idiots out there. Nevermind that it’s sad but true. Understand that if they are engaged in a way that smells good to them, they’ll respond with enthusiasm. Barbecues work and so does booze.

Don’t forget less than savory women and cocaine.

The challenge you face is not winning over the mentally disadvantaged, that which you face is about you and your willingness to see this bud of hope flower. To hold it in your hands as it blooms, feeling it’s soft petals strain against your palms and fingers.

That’s what you can expect if you believe.

I am here tonight to implore you elite and sophisticated pricks to take arms. Coddle, cuddle, convince, cajole, coerce, cudgel and calumniate. Do your best and then your worst. Let them know you’re not here to fuck around. Take charge and blame everyone else if necessary.


Drinks for my friends.

9 Responses to “We’re the funniest monkeeeees…………..”

  • Statistical dead heat is not the word… Headed straight for the “nightmare scenario” is more like it.

    Forget the national polls. The electoral map has an excellent chance of ending up in a tie. Off the top of my head, I would say we have a 40% chance of both candidates winding up with 269 electoral votes.

    Mark your calendar. This election will be decided on October 2, the night of the VP debates. For your sake and mine, JB better bring his “A” game.

    Happy now?

  • i’m totally with you on this. in fact, i just received an e mail from a friend who said basically the same thing. we have to get up off our asses. for the first time in my life, i donated money to a political candidate, barack obama. not because he’s a democrat. i’m an independent and i don’t give a shit about the parties but because obama actually speaks to “the better angels of our nature” to quote one of the more poetic figures from the civil war, abraham lincoln. and it’s amazing, here we are still fighting the same old battle. it’s a conflict of those who think it’s time to move ahead into the positive against those who would stay in the fear of the past. make no mistake, this is a big deal. this is a true test of american democracy. i believe it will prevail because democracy has won out over fear in the past in much more difficult circumstances. the civil war, world war two, the mccarthy era witch hunts, etc. but each of us must step up and take responsibility as citizens. you are right to encourage action and involvement. it is the only way to make it happen.

  • admin:

    It’s going to get better. This bump is temporary. She’s far too simple to end up a serious problem. Having said that, I’m looking for the best way to wade in.

  • admin:

    Well said and thanks for reading.

  • flifishun:

    “Gentlemen Please, relax your sphincters”__
    Hedley Lamar
    Don’t read too much into polls or the baby bump. The gambling odds makers still have Obama as a 2-1 to 2.5-1 favorite, unchanged after the RNC convention. They will need to keep poor Biden on tranqulizers to keep him from chipping his teeth on his bit before the veep debate.

  • David Lee 3:

    The polls are all jive & theater. Diebold will see to it that unless the populace actually votes by say a 75-80% majority for Obama, the Presidency will go to McCain.

    That we didn’t raise Hell with electronic voting machines already almost guarantees Hell being raised upon us.

    Buddha, Jesus Christ, Krishna, Lao Zi, Moses and Muhammad, I’ll even take Joseph Smith…any and all of the super-best friends,.. please fucking help us now!

  • admin:

    I’m not sure it’s that bad but we should all be afraid and aware. Fear is a great force multiplier.

  • She hasn’t spoken since the RNC. When she finally opens that mouth and inserts her foot…and when we finally hear those campaign ads where we’re reminded that the Repugnacrites fucked up in the first place….I think we’ll see a reversal of fortune….right now the public has a new toy to play with…when we find out that it’s just as cheap as the last one, we’ll throw it away…..

    But a little prayer doesn’t hurt….I’m invoking the Minister of Silly Walks….

    I’ll have a gin and tonic with a twist of lime.

  • admin:

    I hope you’re right. Coming right up!

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