July 4

Belated happy Independence weekend wishes to you all.

I do hope it was at least as good as mine.  At least as interesting.  I hope as warm.

“I try to use positive association……anytime anything good happens to me, I stick something up my ass.”  -Margaret Cho

I spent the day at a family barbecue.  Not my family, my girlfriend’s.  Extraordinarily pleasant and I hope to show you how interesting.

I always bring wine because I’m flush with wine and  that’s what I want to drink in the afternoon.  Hard liquor in the afternoon is uncivilized when women and children are present.  Family barbecue.  Zins and pinots for everyone.

Except the pinot had gone bad.  Cork came out way too easy.  No pop.  Tasted like ass.  Poured it out for fear it would get drunk and come back on me.

Very nice people.  Pleasant and warm and sincere.  I was under some degree of scrutiny.  You see, I was with my girlfriend, at a holiday barbecue, with her people.  Not mine.  Her relatives and very close friends and all manner of folks who’ve known her since she was a child as well as people who’ve never not known her.  They were checking me out.  I caught nobody staring.

I learned to slap some bones. I hope I got that right.  Dominos.  I was monitored during this activity as well.  Two charismatic women at the end of our table lent tacit approval while my girlfriend showed me the game.  They kept a close eye and nodded in approval when I made a play.  I’m not sure why.

Food.  Pork ribs,  meat sliding from the bone with juiciness and justice for all.  Homemade mac & cheese of creamy texture and richness.  Baked beans with excellent consistency under tooth with all the peppery and  flavorful.  Sublime deviled eggs made me greedy.  So many other things to taste but it’s conspicuously rude to fill your plate and not finish it.  It was just so nice.  My family does it too.  They set up a spread and pretty much welcome whoever walks through the door like an old friend as long as you’re with someone they know.

I haven’t often understood how swell it feels to be the stranger on a day like today.  Warm.  It’s warm when the woman you’re with affords you the benefit of the doubt in such a large gathering of people you’ve never seen before.

We ate and drank and the roosters sat four at a time at the domino table by the pool and talked the most hysterical shit you can imagine.  Brutal but always funny.  That was the line; say whatever you like but it better not be mean and it better be funny.  Nothing personal.  Inside those rules and the rules of the game, they played and played.  Loudly.  Roosters.  Peacocks.  Awesome.

I was one of two white people there.  There was me and one other honky in attendance.  I’m not here to make a big deal about that but it is germane to the story.  I’m sorry, I adore the word honky.  The word honky is goddamn funny.  Even funnier in italics.  Honky.

Picture George Jefferson or Fred Sanford.  Honky

So here are all my cards.

Cracker.

I moved from Carson City Nevada to Atlanta Georgia when I was nineteen years old.  I want to say this as simply as possible.  I grew up with white people.  The handful of people with different skin pigmentation were few and far between.  My parents were non judgmental,  open minded, freedom loving Democrats.  Not Hippies but progressive hicks.  I really never had a chance to develop a bias and I was never really exposed to much.

Honkies.

Atlanta Georgia hit me right in the mouth with it’s polite but overt racial divide.  First person I talked to fresh off the boat used the word nigger in his first sentence to me.  Southern comfort.  It was Atlanta when black women began to ask me what I was mixed with.  It was mostly women.  The better I knew them the harder they laughed.  I really didn’t think too much about it.  They were teasing me or flirting.  Still,  ‘Honey, what’re you mixed with?’  is something I’ve heard hundreds, if not thousands of times.

Through my years as a recording engineer I did everything from hip hop to gospel.  Punk to metal.  I remember being asked that question one way or another, over and over.

My Girlfriend and I ended up at Magic Johnson’s TGI Fridays in the not too recent past.  We drove away and it occurred to me  I was the only white guy in there.  Almost as soon as I brought it up she told me nobody else noticed because most probably assumed I was black.

I’m no idiot.  I understand that it’s almost mathematically impossible for me to be exclusively Caucasian.  I’m Scottish and German.  I  also understand I’m a descendent of Custer.  I’m pretty white.  Not pretty, but white.  Blue eyes, fair skin, blond hair…..curly to nappy and I’m all torso.  Broad shoulders, barrel chest and an oversized head.  Short but powerful hindquarters.  I’d make an excellent backwards digging rodent.

Today I met a white black man.  It was his house I was at.  Very nice man.  We shook hands.  He was white.  His sister saw me from afar and mistook me for him.  She and I had never met until today.   A rooster at the domino table.  His other sister observed me for a time and summoned my girlfriend from across the swimming pool.  She had a question.  The family half African American and Half German.  Grew up in Compton.

“What is he mixed with?”

It wasn’t just her question, other people wanted to know.  The thing is this.  My epiphany was thus.  All this time, the question was not whether I was black or not, it was assumed I was black.   The question was what else was I mixed with.

Not how black, but how white.

I contemplated all this this while driving in silence with her along the freeway.  Sitting in her driveway and the gorgeous cacophony of fireworks bouncing and echoing through a hilly neighborhood of beautiful houses.  Turned on the radio.  Frampton came alive and Journey sealed the deal.  Technicolor bursts  as we sped through dusk on the 60 and the 405.

I’m an agnostic.  Whatever.  If there is a sensible idea, it’s that we’re all supposed to be equal.  We’re all supposed to procreate to the point where we have no reason to discriminate based on pigmentation, sexual preference, orientation or gender, religion philosophy or fashion sense.

All along, these folks assumed I was black.  I think that’s kinda cool.

Drinks for my friends.

23 Responses to “July 4”

  • Jessie:

    The relatives are all around and surely the question comes up, what do you do? Uh, I sell glass sex toys? How does that one go over?

  • admin:

    I no longer do that but I finally ended up saying just that when asked. Don’t make me search your ip address, tell my readers who you are.

  • shade glass:

    Really liked this post, I can relate coming from GA… also the wine drinking when children are around.

  • admin:

    Didn’t know you were from GA. Nice to hear from you.

  • Ralph:

    July 4th used to mean something in this once great nation that is no longer
    Celebrating it used to be a good thing when it was about celebrating freedom.
    I refused to celebrate our enslavement into socialisim by the head bastard in charge and his henchmen and women.
    This country is nothing more than a socialist piece of shit.
    Fuck July 4th.

  • admin:

    Well now that’s surprise.

  • Joe:

    Ralph needs to come to grips with reality. This country has almost always been ‘socialistic’ in some sense. Look it up, socialistic has it’s roots in social (i.e., civil) and society. Mr. Ayn Rand needs to grow up and join with the masses of people below his lofty stature and help to make this ‘society’ better for everyone. Tearing down the country and spreading the same gospel doesn’t help one bit.

  • Ralph:

    Hey Joe,, a-where you goin’ with yo’,,head up yo’ ass,,,yeah.

    The United States has NEVER been a socialist country.
    Revisionist history is just that Joe.
    You are a moron Joe.
    Read Mark Levin’s new book Liberty and Tyranny.
    It’s the most accurate book about this nation’s founding, the constitution and who we have been traditionally as citizens of this nation.
    This nation is DONE, Over.
    Soetero has DESTROYED this once great nation.
    FUCK THE US of A Now.
    This country is total shit now.
    I litter and I pollute as much and as often as i can.
    Fuck this country, the enviroment and fuck you Joe and every other lily livered socialist no good fuck who worships this no good bastard president Soetero.
    .

  • admin:

    Sheezus Ralph. Talk about pathetic and shrill. Tragic retardation.

  • Joe:

    Hey Ralph, I was always taught to never argue with an idiot, he’ll only bring you down to his level, then beat you with experience. Looks like you have lots of experience too.

    Admit it Ralph, you not only litter and pollute, you’re also a racist and a bigot, right? You believe in civil rights, but only for you and your kind, right? You believe in the Constitution, but are willing to bend over and take it up the wazoo for the Repugnacants who have stolen your rights. Hell, you even applauded the suspension of habeus corpus and the loss of protections provided by the 4th amendment (but that’s okay because it wasn’t against you…this time).

    What’s with Soetero? Is that a cutsie code word for you and your fellow travelers to show total disrespect? Is Macaca next? Admit it, all of your ranting is due to deep seated racism, isn’t it? That’s okay too, because you were probably born and raised in it, Right?

    Oh, your daddy would be so proud that his little Ralphie boy has grown up with the same fears and hatreds the he had, and his daddy had, and on and on…..

    My suggestion? Leave the country now. Oh wait, who the would want a fucktard like you? Oh well, hang in there sunshine, you’ll be riding high again after maybe only 16 more years, when Obama and Biden are done cleaning up the 8 year nightmare this country and the world has gone through.

  • Ralph:

    Hey Joe,,,where you goin’ whit yo’,,,,

    Joe, my mother is Jamaican and my father is Irish. My mom’s family comes from Ghana so I supposed that (at the time), it qualified me to go to the million man March for half the day and I guess it allowed me to go to a Klan rally the remained of the day. That’s how absurd your assertions of racisim are to me. I do not consider myself black. I always considered myself an American, plain and simple.
    So far as being a racist, you are the only one mentioning the liberal diatribe of nonsensical knee-jerk reactionary accusations like all pantywaisted nit wits like you Joe.
    You mention Soetero? That is the president’s real name sparky.
    If you had an once of intellectual honesty and looked into it, you’d be as outraged as the rest of us who are NOT racist but are desirous of constitutional prudence when it comes to an obvious alien being elected the president of the USA.
    You and the rest of the Soetero worshipers have been DUPPED.
    You Joe like Mike the administrator of “Brain Speck”, and all other intellectually dishonest, political far left ideologues, are an idiot and are the reasons why this once great nation is now shit. Just shit.
    Go fuck yourself Joe, Mike and all of you anti-American, Marxist piles of shit who worship at the alter of Soetero.

  • Joe:

    Bend over Ralphie my boy, the wingnuts want to shove mo wisdom up yo ass. So you’re not black? Is that the cause of your racism? Are you ‘passing’? Is that it? Surely someone who hates blacks as much as you, can’t be black, can they? Hey Ralph, just how BIG is your gun anyway? You know, little dicks like you make up for their inadaqucies by carrying large guns. Now, tell me “can’t be me, I carry a derringer” You’re so full of shit, you stink. Do yourself and everyone else a favor, get yourself up into the hills and drop out of this society while you’re still coherent. I heard there’s lotsa shacks up on Ruby Ridge, waiting for assholes like you. GO!

  • admin:

    I may have to stop this car.

  • Ralph:

    The only one who is sounding racist is you Joe. You are pathetic as are all left wing Soetero worshiping Marxist, pricks.

    I could care less what a nit wit like Joe thinks or says. He’s a complete and obvious marxist ideologue just like the administrator of Brain “Speck”.
    Knee-jerk Pollyanna cries of racism has become the tool of the left to silence all critics of the chosen one “Bastard”, unqualified by birth, charlatan that currently inhabits the white house.
    Fact remains that this country is fucked.
    Period.
    Once cap and trade, government run health care is passed the final die will be cast and this country will cease to be. Over, finnitto.
    Anyone with even a smidgen of intellectual honesty sees that.
    Unfortunately, the left is deeply seated in one thing and one thing only and that is the destruction of the USA which is right on track sadly.

  • admin:

    Oh Ralph, yer so goddamn silly. And sad. And pathetic. And predictable and ultimately boring.

    Racism the tool of the left huh? Good luck with that.

    We cannot wait to destroy your country.

    Orange Whip anyone?

  • Hunter:

    3 Orange Whips…

  • Ralph:

    Mike,
    I know your side cannot wait to destroy America but lets all remember the America your side wishes to destroy.
    The America your side has destroyed is the America that honors the constitution to the letter of the document holding as the supreme law of the land, period.
    The America your side has destroyed is the America that honors and cherishes the individual and holds the individual as a sole entity given rights by the creator that are inalienable and not subject to any and all progressive left wing machinations that squelch and seek to deny these rights to the individual.
    The America your side has destroyed is the America that honors and rewards creativity and hard work by allowing those who choose to act in this manner the rewards of their individual labor and also the reward of the inevitable possible failures as well which affords the individual the dignity of risk.
    I know this is all soooooooo boring to a moronic and malevolent little prick like you Mike but then again real facts and information are always inconvenient and boring when it comes to minor intellects like the one running around inside your head.

    News flash Captain Mike, your leader is being challenged as we speak by thousands of US service personal lead by one Maj. Stefan Frederick Cook.
    See:
    http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=104009

    Also there is a 25 million dollar reward for anyone who can provide a legitimate long form birth certificate for Barry Soetero.
    See:
    http://www.rewardforobamasbirthcertificate.com

    I guess your “Man”, just can’t seem to produce this document and niether can any of you who support him. Otherwise it would and should be an easy 25 million eh Mike?
    Seems pretty simple does it not?
    Guess what. The walls are closing in one this charlatan in chief and his Soros financed minions.
    Soetero is not a legit president.
    Prove me wrong assholes.
    There is 25 million waiting for ANYONE eho can do so.
    Fact is you cannot because there is NOT any long form birth certificate with Obama’s name on it.
    But it does not matter really.
    The damage that has been done up to this point by both Soetero and Bush is un-repairable.
    We are fucked no matter what.
    Thanks a lot to assholes of the left.

  • Joe:

    Ralphie,

    Why don’t you just get a transcript of the shit they shovel on Faux Noise and paste it here. You’re awfully close, you know. Your little fag Stefan ain’t such a warrior is he? What an original crock of shit. This panty-waist ‘volunteered’ to go to Afganistan, and as a volunteer can elect not to go. Of course, when the bullets started really flying they have this past month, your boyfriend’s balls schrivelled up into his ass faster than you could say ‘mission acomplished’ , didn’t they. All part of the dirty tricks the Repugnacants have been playing on fools like you for a long time. Joe McCarthy, Tricky Dickie, Ronnie ‘the great pretender’ Reagan (what an abomination that prick was for our country), and then there’s ‘W’ the cruelest, dumbest fuck of them all. I spent the last eight years with the remote control in my hand so I could turn that asshole off before I heard one stupid word from that dried-up drunk. He fucked this country so bad and now your friends are saying this country is fucked because of Obama? Who’s been in office six months?

    I totally loathe every fuckin’ one of you asshole, heel-clicking, fascist pricks. Seriously, please move with all your friends to Ghana. Have the kool-aid ready. Okay, sunshine?

  • admin:

    Nice passion. Well done Joe. Ralph, I believe this man has invited you to the bike racks at three. By the flag pole.

    Will you disappoint us yet again with predictable boiler plate horseshit?

  • Ralph:

    Talk about not wanting to argue with an idiot.
    Joe, your post sums it all up pretty much.
    Joe, your getting spittle on that faded Che Rivera tee shirt Mummy just washed up for you again. Your remote is not the only thing you’ve apparently had in your hand the last eight years.
    Go back down to the basement in your Mummy and Daddy’s house and calm down.
    Your friend and lover, your computer, waits patiently there to be all it can be for ya’.
    Don’t worry, you have the full support of Mike, administrator of Brain Speck who himself is a dedicated anti-American Marxist lone masturbator just like you.
    I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys haven’t exchanged phone numbers so you could “Meet up”.
    Flagpole???Bikerack????
    what a crock of shit Mike.

  • Joe:

    Give it up Ralphie, you really don’t have an original thought in your head, do you? You’re so fucking used to listening to that rabid fat fuck Rush and repeating his blather as your own 24/7, that you’ve lost the ability to think for yourself. Why don’t you file for disability, oh wait, you’re most likely already on the public dole, drinking beer and buying big guns with your ‘free’ money, while railing against the welfare/socialist state.

    ‘Methinks thou protests too much’

    Seriously, were the Cheney secret hit squads okay with you? Was torture of innocents okay by you? Was spying on ordinary citizens okay with you? Was the supension of habeus corpus okay with you? Are you okay with the Bush Doctrine? Is Sarah Palin smarter than a 5th grader? Are you comfortable with the rampant racism and sexism of the Repugnacant party?

  • admin:

    Yeah Ralph, what he said. Retard.

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