The need

The need to communicate.  To write.  Despite not having anything immediate to say.

I’m here in Carson City because I imagined it to be a haven of sorts.  If not that, then friendly.  Sanctuary from exorbitant bills and ridiculous drama.  I was weary of the drama and the bills.  Mostly the bills.  Spent am I.  Pun intended.  It started off okay.  Business prospects were promising.  I had irons in the fire.  Sibling drama did rear it’s ugly head but I was honest and above it.  Restrained.  I chose distance in light of the wildest cards and it served me for a time.  I’m smart.

Dad fell from a ladder, broke six ribs and a shoulder, madness prevailed on every level.  Soon after, sibling rivalry exploded like Krakatoa.  I wake up checking to see if I still have an ass.  I realize now I’m in deep depression once again.  I would risk the reader’s patience at this point were I to detail how often and how hard life has been punching me straight in the mouth in the last year or so.

I’s okay, I roll with it and drink a lot.

A carnival of nonsense.  My sanctuary a mirage.  I do tap the occasional oasis and it is like paradise by the dashboard light.  I get refueled, nourished and a chance to wash my face and hands.  I wash my stinking crotch and put on clean socks, put on a little lotion.  Don’t always know where to find those islands, but I know if I sail long enough……   No sooner than this and I’m waiting for vulgar to ring the bell.  Ugly will revisit any day.  It’s true I’m feeling sorry for myself but you can’t know what’s visited me in the last year or so.

It’s been pretty fucked up.

I am weary.

I hate most people and most things.  Sometimes.

Outside the wind rages, but inside Swirly Girl the Cat snores like a drunken boxer, whistling and snorting.  It makes me smile.  Her face flinches and flickers in the throes of a dream.  I smile some more.  Her paws are curled inward.  Her nose tucked between them.  We’ll move to the bedroom and she’ll sleep beside my head all night.  I am her father.  She is my beloved problem child.  She frowns and objects a lot.  I just love on her as best I can.

I have to care about what happens next but it’s easier said than done.  People really suck.  You have no idea.

I’ll take politics and world events for five hundred Alex.  If you visit regularly it’s most likely the reason.

Item one:

Can you believe this fuckhead Stupak?  Smoking tobacco is no different than smoking lettuce leaves.  He didn’t say that but I don’t care.  No real surprise that he rents a room at C Street and his head is misshapen.  Can you say hydrocephalus?  This guy is a dick.  44,000 people a year dying due to lack of health care insurance and he wants to make the whole thing about Roe v. Wade?  What an asshole.  News flash, we’ve got it covered with the Hyde amendment.

No worries dickhead.

To stir this brand of shit in light of just how important this issue is, is beyond irresponsible.  It’s plain stupid and I think someone’s ego needs a leash and a muzzle.  Thanks you peniswhipped cocktail.

Item two:

Sarah Palin and her new book and book tour.  She’s doing the “battleground” states.  Who cares?  Run the stupid bitch in 2012.  Please.  Run Romney and Huckabee and Limbaugh or Hannity.  The Keystone Cops, The Stooges, The Flinstones or maybe Tucker Carlson and Orly Tates and Wile E. Coyote.  Yep, bring it.  Give us a show.  I swear I equated Romney to Guy Smiley before the Daily Show did.  Bitches.  I’m way on top of this shit.  Sometimes.

Item three:

I’m very much encouraged to hear Obama has rejected all battle plans he’s been presented with for Afghanistan.  We don’t have the resources in terms of personnel and we don’t have the money to even attempt to support a government we know to be abstrusely compromised.  It’s a no win boys and girls.  The pooch was raped seven years ago.  People die for no reason everyday.

Time to take the long way home.  Russia failed.  England failed.  No invading force or country has ever prevailed despite it being among the poorest countries on earth.  We’re certainly no smarter and likely even dumber than those who’ve come before us.

We have no clear objectives or realistically realizable goals.  No one can define “victory” or a “successful mission”.  We are lost.  Strangers in a strange land fighting for what?  Use the money we are spending there, to increase security here, if the idea really is to be proactive.

I’m not talking about taking off your goddamn shoes or limiting the size of your toothpaste or shampoo containers before you board a flight from Burbank to fucking Reno.  I always travel to Reno at the behest of Allah because I don’t shit where I eat.  Ha!  Such policies are useless and miss the point entirely.  It’s all about demonstrating that someone, somewhere, is doing something to show the dumbest among us that someone, somewhere is doing something to protect us.  Nevermind that it represents nothing more than an inconvenience and an egregious breach of logic.  Somewhere, someone is doing something.

In the meantime, more people die everyday because of lack of health care or insurance than in our elective wars.  Pretty fucking stupid, huh?  It’s no wonder the world thinks we’re a big stupid bully.  It’s no wonder Sarah Palin still has a realistic shot at the presidency.

The only way to even find out if the conflict in Afghanistan is solvable is to escalate it to the level of the Vietnam conflict.  That means 50,000 dead Americans and millions of dead Afghanis, many of whom will be civilian.  Good plan.  Time to walk away.

Wait.  That’s actually more than we lose every year due to our health care clusterfuck.  Oh boy.  Now we’re cooking with butane.

Item four:

I don’t really care if the Ft. Hood massacre is defined as “terrorism” or not.  It was terrible.  Horrible.  Horribalism?  Anyone?  It’s a fucking tragedy and Republican efforts to label it as terrorism amount to nothing more than a cheap shot as well as shameful exploitation of what is simply an American tragedy.  Somehow these pricks believe that if they can succeed with the blatant polemic nomenclature of terrorism they can claim that a terrorist event occurred on Obama’s watch.  Good luck with that you fucks.  Your’s happened two months earlier under your watchful and diligent eyes and you lost three thousand in an event so contrived that I doubt we know half the truth.  We lost thirteen.


Drinks for my friends.

14 Responses to “The need”

  • Master Bacon:

    Good Lord, three days and I must vacate the Eagle Valley. You have survived re-entry. Hardcore!

  • admin:

    It’s not pretty but I’m surviving with an eye on the future and a plan to be published and get the mad fuck out of this Godforsaken locality.

    I may need your help. Advice?

    Do you know the Keating women at all?

    I’m feeling gimlety this eve. The folks have a well stocked larder and a generous supply of mixers in the pantry but no Rose’s Lime elixir or a broth even similar, and yes, I anticipate being available on your next visit to this land of dry climate and sun induced insanity, much to my chagrin.

    I trust you’ll dispatch telegrams in advance. I need your digits as it appears I’ve lost them. We’ll look in on the stalwart and lovely Tresnits I suspect and anticipate.

    Oh the humanity.

  • Joe:

    I like all your points and I too am so sick and fucking tired of all the filthy tricks the wingnuts continue to foist on the dumbest fucking nation in the world. All shit for brains, herd mentality, brain lazy fucking sheep. Is anyone awake out there?

    Seriously, I’m thinking (which I try to stay away from as often as I can), you know, if you don’t sell your holdings in a down market, you haven’t really lost, have you? No, the wise money stays put and sells their losers when they have some fucking gains to offset, right?

    Well, I truly believe the repugs look at things pretty much the same way, they didn’t really lost the last election, did they? No and you know why? Because they haven’t fucking admitted that they’ve lost! They continue with one fucking monsterous lie after another until you’re fucking head’s numb.

    I mean, these fucks have one faction who write satirical articles, clearly intended for humor, then a different group of the same fucks, quote from this ‘published’ unnamed source, passing it off as the g-damn truth and continue sputtering this venomous bullshit until they’re called on it. What the fuck is that? There’s a special place in hell for these fucks.

    Then that big fat piece of swill, Limpdick, once he gets caught, says, ‘oh, well he would have said that or done that, etc’ That fucker needs kicked in the nuts EVERY FUCKING DAY!

    I have vowed to not let one fucking untruth go unanswered, no matter how small or stupid. A friend, (a wingnut) used to forward me these outrageous stories about Obama, health care initiatives, Bush/Cheney revisionist crap, etc that were total bullshit, usual hate-filled crap, gun-totin’ cretin lather, etc.

    I would simply look up the story on or and dispel the shit, making sure to ‘reply to all’ so I could also reach his whole fucking fascist network. Man the hate mail I got from those fascist pricks..’stop, stop, your hurting my ears’ ‘How did you get my address’ ‘take me off your list’ etc.

    Hey man, I thought they would appreciate the truth, you know?

    Thanks for letting me vent. I’ll take you up on those drinks now.

    Take care, fight the good fight and keep up the good work!

  • Master Bacon:

    The Keating Women (a series by Michael Douglass) as you describe them, are, in my opinion, The Brontes of Nevada.

  • kit:

    do you have an agent? the author of Twilight was on Oprah. did you see it? never had written anything before and the book was inspired by a dream she had. her dream is chapter 13. then she wrote the end, then wrote the beginning…

  • admin:

    Thanks for reading and contributing. You’re welcome to vent here anytime.

  • admin:

    @Master Bacon:
    The Brontes eh? I just know Mia has some juice and I’ve lost my connection to her through my obstreperous sibling.

  • admin:

    I don’t have an agent, at least not yet though I’ve been writing for years. Interesting that you bring up the author of Twilight. I haven’t read any of it but my horror novel “Man In Picture” is based on a dream I had when I was about fifteen.

  • Jana:

    I may be completely ignorant in these matters, but your personal non-fictional revelations are where you are, to me, astounding in your communications—ala Sedaris but, you know, different. I can imagine a similar circuit though—not comedy, but er, dramedy? is there such a thing? probably. have you considered a one-man show based on your musings about current times, etc? I read your posts like that sometimes, like you are standing on a stage speaking them out-loud to us. I can imagine you holding an audience transfixed. who knows it might be cathartic too. ?

  • admin:

    I’m not sure how to respond here but I’m flattered. I’m a big fan of Sedaris but I’m no Sedaris. He’s pretty exceptional and I don’t see myself that way. I’m a writer at best, a communicator at least.

    I’m really gratified that you imagine me talking out loud to a crowd, that’s pretty goddamn cool. When I write, that’s how I see it. Understand that I do this because I can’t not. I’d like to get paid for it but that’s where it ends. I’ve no real interest in performing.

    Pimp me if you can.

    Thank you very much for reading and contributing. I adore that you are entertained. Thank you.

    • michael… yes! i complete agree. i rlleay don’t like reading many of the political blogs out here. most of them just post and quote daily articles straight from news websites. what’s the point? they are simply just repeating what already has blanket coverage by all media outlets from tv (all 50 million news channels in taiwan, every hour on the hour), internet, newpaper and radio. but hey, it’s a free country, a free world… they are more than welcome to post whatever they want. i’m sure some folks find our blogs just as pointless as we find theirs.

  • Jana:

    I just popped on to clarify (lest it came off that way) that i don’t read your words as mere entertainment; I find them engaging and compelling—but also, I am sorry you are having to battle/survive in the way that you must. A lot of us are going through unforeseen bullshit these days… and none of us are less for it. You are brave for sharing and you have the gift for verbally encapsulating your experience. The time is certainly right. Cheers. (You know, Sedaris reads from his writings. You could do that.)

  • admin:

    Thanks very much for the kind sentiments. To engage and compel anyone with my words is really huge to me. My battles are my own but thanks for the compassion; what you say is true, none of us are less for it.

    I’ll need to get published before anyone would want to hear me read.

  • reiya:

    A therapist would have fun; possibly pay you big $ for your time and entertainment. You sir, for sure are in the right spot L.A.CA!

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