Pride and prejudice

It’s all building up to something.

I’ve landed three butts on the target windowsill 25 feet across the way.  Three perfect arcs. 25 feet.  I am pleased.   I’m not sure my life has become perceptibly better but I feel it coming on.  I’m all gleeful with the obvious pregnant portent.  We got fat, hot, greasy corn dogs with plastic pillows of cheap mustard and flat Coca Colas in sweaty waxy cups without enough ice.  I taste sauteed mushrooms in an exotic sauce.

I imagine fields of green.  Caviar.  A nice blanc de blanc.

You think the people of Wisconsin suffered defeat today?  Think again.  Republican greed driven fuckery has reached critical mass and opposition to it is about to spill over.  The most salient observation here is that Wisconsin state Republicans have completely surrendered the notion that this issue is fiscal, at least not in the context we’ve been led to believe and understand.  Fiscal for us as opposed to fiscal for them.  Some of us already knew that but they just painted faces with it.  The unions have already conceded virtually every issue that has anything to do with money.  The fight is over the ability to bargain as a group.  A force.  An equal and opposing force.  See, unions represent the last and only bulkhead with campaign cash enough to counter lubricate the fat arrogant chili meat and grease shitting corporations.  I don’t doubt the union pile isn’t a little filthy.  I swear to Dog the plutocrats have and can afford entire teams for toilet bowl maintenance.  Bet they wear hazmat suits and otherwise drink tea in the breakfast nook.

Anyway, yeah.  Scott Walker’s eyes are too close together.  That always bothers me.  His approval rating has tanked enough for his haters to spark up stogies.  Close enough for a cigar.  He went too far.  I have to tell you I’m not entirely sure what will happen here.  So what I’m gonna do is tell you what I hope will happen.

1) Al Franken shows up and wrestles Scott Walker face down onto the capitol steps.  It’s a violent and vulgar display of physical prowess and domination.  In the movie AIRPLANE! someone asked for a little lite reading and was rewarded with a pamphlet on famous Jewish athletes.  Al Franken was listed.  Bloody and humiliating for any American male who doesn’t know how to fight.  Conservatives will bray about invented homoerotic aspects and call for Franken’s death by stoning.  Franken will respond by getting the Nobel prize for something and become a UFC champion.

2) The people storm the gates of the palace.  Count on this.  I am.  I want them to bring as many faggots as possible, you know, torches.  C’mon, make your gay friends come.  Solidarity!

3) The entire country wakes up and realizes what’s at stake.                                                                                                             Uh, I gotta default to the people aren’t stupid they just don’t pay attention theory.  I think this is a beginning.  It sure as hell isn’t an end. There’s a fine line between resolve and willful ignorance.  As dumb as they are, they don’t lack discipline.  We on the other hand while still a mess, aren’t stupid and are starting to make herding cats seem possible. 

4) Since the wealthiest country in the world spends almost half what the entire world does on the ability to kill shitloads of people, we finally get free boxes and bottles of every food product with high fructose corn syrup listed as a top ten ingredient.  From cereal to soda we are covered.  It’s the Republican New Deal.  Pay no mind to those ordinances, they’ll be dumping sewage in a neighborhood near you.  You might as well feel free.  It’s all going to shit, that’s the style.

5) Michelle Obama, undeterred by withering criticism, dons a cape and a skin tight super hero outfit to fight for nutrition and labor issues.  She wears thigh high boots and her costume is kind of a corset.

6) I want Andrew Dice Clay to be the new spokeshole for the goofcock Republicans and their Governor in Wisconsin.  No shit Dice can play an excellent villain.  I’m not gonna wax poetic about his range but he could play Walker.  Picture it.  Seriously, he’d be so fucking perfect.  He’d have to get svelt.  If he still has hair, let him keep it.  Imagine Dice as Cheney.  Now that he’s older.  I’m getting excited.  Have to shave him for that.  I’ve never written a script but I have the vehicle for the Diceman.  Anybody have his number?

This guy Scott Walker is a punk, a patsy and a fucking puppet who has everything but the best interest of the people who elected him at heart.  As far as I’m concerned, teachers should be paid better than sociopath     avaricious CEOs.  What they do is far more important.  No fat cat plutocratic piece of shit ever inspired me at all, much less to the degree that my own public school teachers did.  You wanna talk about a lazy, tit hogging worthless class?  Let’s talk about politicians and the people who buy them to monopolize and manipulate hardworking Americans.

This ain’t over.  They’ve done themselves a lethal disservice and perhaps finally gone too goddamn far.  This is fucking sick.  Every reason Wisconsin Republicants and those in every other state for that matter, give for doing this is an absolute shameless and hypocritical lie.  We might be broke but it’s not nearly as bad as they would have us believe and I guarantee it’s nowhere near our fault.  When I call my mother this week and we inevitably land on this subject, she will say “Fucking Republicans”.  The ONLY time my mother ever uses that word.

We are having this debate while a mere 400 of them own more than half what over 150 million of us regular citizens do.  By far the largest income gap in our history.  While our elected leaders solicit and implore  us 150 million to sacrifice more, again and again.  While they try to tell us that our modest, middle class income is the reason for our current crisis and impending demise.  While they cut social programs and threaten social  security, medicare and medicaid without altering by one cent the $50 billion in subsidies to energy and oil, the most profitable business in the history of mankind.  The trillion a year or so we hurl at “defense”.

Any logical, sane person from any other era in our planet’s history would have no trouble deciding that Americans are probably among the largest group of chumps ever.  It’s tragically authentic.  Embarrassingly and empirically valid.  Woe is us.

We are still a nation of one person one vote.  There are even efforts to mutilate that but let’s table that for tomorrow.  I’m awed and inspired by the citizens of Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio and Indiana.  We are at a tipping point.  It is time for every single American to put on those comfortable shoes to march.  To remember the pen can be mightier than the sword of multinational conglomerates.  One person, one vote.  Now or never or I promise you, one person one vote will go the way of the dodo.  They would love nothing more.  What do you think they’re doing now?  These bastards have goals, they have an agenda.

Drinks for my friends.

20 Responses to “Pride and prejudice”

  • Bob Conway:

    Excellent!

    Yes, these bastards have goals, and they’ve become increasingly transparent in recent weeks. They are rapidly making themselves more closely resemble the Emperor with New Clothes:

    I see London,
    I see France.
    I see someone’s
    Oligarchic tallywhaker!

    We *MUST* defend ourselves against this blatant class warfare assault on American Values!!!

  • Who would have thought, in a million fucking years, that Madison, Wisconsin would be the setting for the human mask to be removed from the Tea-Bagging GOP? Can it be possible for ANYONE to remain blind?

    By the way…I’ve been cat-herding for YEARS!

  • Geez, just when I think you can’t possibly top yourself … there ya go!!!! BRAVO!!!!

  • RedFive:

    Mike, Been awhile since I commented, but hope you know I’ve been reading.. All my twisted hopes and dreams seem to be coming true! Class war in my lifetime!! Enjoyed this piece (as I do ALL your work). Keep it coming!!

  • Karen McJunkin:

    Agree so very much.

  • Cynthia Georgandis:

    I’m hoping the transparency becomes very clear as 2012 approaches. Great read Mike!

  • victor b. Paquette:

    I really enjoyed reading your points of view. As a Canadian I rarely find candid points of view as refreshing as what I have read in

    this column. I shall return to you as often as time permits. Would love to go to Madison as an observer. I think I would have to

    keep quiet for fear that someone might think I am not minding my business. The issues paramount in the USA touch all citizens

    in this hemisphere. Keep up the good work.

    Sincerely,

    Victor Paquette
    Vancouver, BC
    Canada

    • Michael Douglass:

      Thanks for reading and wading in. I admire Canadians. If only we could embrace the example of Canada. You people are so much better at all of this than we are.

  • Suzanne Daniel:

    Oh my goodness Michael. That was fantastic! I am so glad I read this! Thank you so much.. I loved it! I agree with your description of Walker’s eyes too. I noticed that as well. Somethings not quite right there. I can’t wait to read more of your writings. I would give you a standing ovation if you could see me. Keep it up!

  • donna shade:

    My favorite part: “This guy Scott Walker is a punk, a patsy and a fucking puppet who has everything but the best interest of the people who elected him at heart. As far as I’m concerned, teachers should be paid better than sociopath avaricious CEOs. What they do is far more important. No fat cat plutocratic piece of shit ever inspired me at all, much less to the degree that my own public school teachers did. You wanna talk about a lazy, tit hogging worthless class? Let’s talk about politicians and the people who buy them to monopolize and manipulate hardworking Americans.” I really love that. But the last paragraph is the seriously best and most important part. Great blog!

  • robert dagg murphy:

    It was reported by Bill Mahr today that Scott Walker is an underwear sniffer. Bill said he kids the Governor.

    Notice the kiss Scott Walker gives his son. Talk about unnatural.

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