“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”

“I invented the cordless extension cord”

-Steven Wright

We do ourselves a disservice by assuming Obama is anything other than a centrist Republican.  He’s a DINO, Democrat in name only.  It’s not all bad, he is occasionally willing to wrestle in the mud with ugly, wart festooned Republicans, neocons and tea party retards.  A crusading liberal he’s not; we can no longer afford that perception.  It’s been an expensive nicety.

Obama is at best a moderate Republican from your father’s Republican party.  He campaigned to the left and has rushed to the right ever since.  It’s as kind as I can be.  I understand he’s accomplished some monumental things but I’m nonplussed about his real agenda and I’m both wary and weary of guessing at his sincere intentions.  I’m starting to wonder whether he’s a dick of plutocratic magnitude.  He surrendered the public option before the shouting began, he ignores war criminals and the crimes they committed and is embarrassingly recalcitrant when it comes to the giant bank motherfuckers that control everything that happens.  He’s no FDR and he makes LBJ look like a bird of prey.

If you’re a liberal, Obama kinda sucks actually.

This has never been about merely eating our peas or peeling off a band aid.

I gotta tell you this may be as much about the environment as his personal convictions.  Nature versus nurture.

The center has shifted towards hard right buffoonery.  The right has jerked violently in the direction of avarice.  Religious zealotry.  Madness.  Austerity for the working masses.  Contrary to public opinion or popular sentiment.  It’s amazing.  They just don’t give a single shit about anything unless it has to do with raping the ordinary and enslaving them to the wealthy and corporations.  I hate it.  I’m absolutely astounded that they’ve been able to convince so many Americans to go along with it.  I can’t believe there are so many dumbasses.

So to be fair, Obama inherited a shitstorm and has no choice but to navigate pestiferous waters.

Because Americans are dumb as shit.

How is that?

How is it that a reasonable majority keeps chasing such mendacious fatuity?

I don’t know about you but that bitch is ugly and stupid and she stinks and I can’t figure out why we keep pursuing her.  No amount of makeup or perfume can possibly assuage it.  You can put lipstick on a pig but that’s all it is.

Oh, sorry, I’m not talking about Michele Bachmann specifically;  I’m speaking metaphorically.  I hear pigs are pretty damn smart, so forgive me.  And I adore women in general, so allow this trespass with the understanding that it is anything but prurient.

Even Boehner and MCconnel have given voice to reason only to be subverted by a callow, amateur, jackackass like Eric Cantor.  I know he’s a jackass because he makes no sense and he can’t belie a personal agenda that’s more about Eric Cantor than the American people. I fucking hate that guy.  I’d like to see him piss up a rope or actually explain his position on anything.

Bring him to me.  I will kick his ass.  I will make him cry.

It’s unclear whether they know what they do.  They appear to be so goddamn dumb that they are willing to jeopardize the entire world economy because they are selfish, ideological, thumb sucking brats.  They walk out of meetings with the President of The United States and say shit like ‘He started it’ on national television.

The road to common sense and equitable solutions used to be through the middle.  I no longer believe that.  Clearly, Obama no longer sees that road as a pragmatic option.

Lawrence O’Donnell is indefatigable in his insistence that Obama is playing master poker/chess with our future.  I don’t buy it.  I’ll be ecstatic if he’s right but I’ve witnessed far too much capitulation to buy that bridge to nowhere over a swamp of prime real estate.  We’re gonna get fucked.  It’s gonna happen.  I’m so tired of one step forward, two steps back.  You’ll need to read my last couple of blogs to understand where I’m coming from here.

We keep fighting conflagrations with lime jello.  I think that Boehner actually said the same the other day but that’s not what he meant.  Irony.

They don’t fight fair and I don’t understand why we don’t fight harder knowing full well we can still do it honestly.  I must be stupid because I just don’t get it.  Forgive my naivete for not understanding why we refrain from kicking jackasses like Cantor in the teeth with logic and common sense, in public and in front of the American people.  Why don’t we make this insipid little intellectual midget cry in front of his friends?


Why, do we instead, take him and so many like him seriously in any public venue?


I’ll do it.  Let me at him.  I would destroy him.  I’m calling out Eric Cantor.  Paul Ryan too.  Remember that high school student who challenged Bachmann to a debate on the constitution?  I’m not holding my breath.

Am I wrong in hoping, daring to ask, that we do to them what they shamelessly do to us so absent of sense, decorum and discretion?

Beware gin without ice.  It tastes hot.  Burns my tongue.  Weird.  I drink whiskey straight though.

They are such dicks.

I hate it when I run out of ice.

My girlfriend forgot to fill the ice trays again.

I really hope that asshole Rick Perry runs.  He’s the queen of the harpies.  He doesn’t cook.  He doesn’t clean.  He prays.  Another empty suit from Texas.  I should be careful what I wish for.


Raising the debt ceiling is about paying what we already owe.  It’s a manufactured crisis.

This should really be a walk in the park.  I can’t understand why it’s so hard.  It’s goddamn Fisher Price.  These people are idiots.  It’s clearly in someones best interest.  It sure as hell isn’t in that of the middle class.  They wage war with absolute lies.  Why can’t we do the same with the truth?  Social security has fuck all to do with the debt or the deficit and the only problem it will ever have can be solved easily by making the rich pay into it.  As is, it’s solvent for at least another quarter century.  Medicare and medicaid could benefit from various things like means testing (not all that efficacious), but both are still one hell of a lot more efficient than what the private sector offers.

Our woes are not the result of “entitlement” programs.  Our woes have nothing to do with the debt ceiling or deficits.  Dick Cheney said deficits don’t matter and Reagan raised taxes seven times and the debt ceiling eighteen times and these idiots sing his praises louder than a gay men’s choir being castrated.  Our woes are because of our wars.  Stupid, pointless wars that protect the interests of the wealthy and provide opportunity for them to vacuum even more filthy lucre.  Our woes are because the rich do not pay their fair share in taxes.  Tax breaks for the wealthy do not, and have never created one single fucking job.  My head nearly explodes whenever I hear some Republican asshole pontificate on what a big mistake it is to raise taxes on the wealthy in this precarious economic climate.  400 hundred of the wealthiest Americans possess more of the money than half, 150 million us.  Tax rates are lower on them than they have ever been.  The only mistake is the money they will give that particular douchebag to get re-elected, so that piece of shit can continue to advocate for that fat fuck to write off that fucking caviar on his eggs in the morning by the pool while the damn jet warms up.

It’s not about the deficit.  It’s not about the debt.  It’s not about “entitlements” – I hate that word,  because we, the middle class actually pay for them and deserve to benefit from them.  It’s about the American people and our opportunity to work hard for at least a living wage.  It’s about jobs.


Again, the road to common sense and equitable solutions used to be through the middle.  Not anymore.

The difference between us and them is the more powerful amplifier for their message.  Well you know, that and morals and ethics and all that.  Forgive me for pointing out we’ve begun to suck at that too.

Don’t go telling me we need to sell our souls too.  God help us says the unapologetic agnostic.

THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.

-Thomas Paine

We need to grow a pair.

Drinks for my friends.

11 Responses to “heartburn”

  • Chris B:

    “It’s not about “entitlements” – I hate that word, because we, the middle class actually pay for them and deserve to benefit from them.”

    This simply isn’t said enough by the left. Obama calls them entitlements, calls them welfare, never calls them the investment that they are to the workers who have dutifully paid into them. Something akin to your quote should be in every press release handed out to every reporter and journalist, knowing full well that these newspeople don’t do any actual research, but instead just regurgitate the talking points they are given.

    Obama doesn’t seem to care about changing the debate, hell, his entire re-election strategy seems to be around having the country see him as a moderator, opposed to actually standing for something. He wants to look like the adult in the room, yet every time he reaches a deal with the far right he looks like an idiot for accepting the wisdom of the children he wants us to believe he’s more responsible than. (Yes. Think about that for a second)
    I’m not voting for him again. Ill vote Green in protest, or I’ll leave my damned Presidential Box Empty. And I’m not the only one in my circle who is considering doing this.

    As for these broke-ass average Joes advocating for libertarianism and Tea Party extremism… they really don’t understand that when America turns into a form of corporate feudalism they’ll be the new serfs. The Republicans bankrupt and ineffectively run the Government, then stall it, defund and otherwise subvert it when Liberals get a little bit of control to make their narrative look correct. If the government was a candle, the Republicans would be screaming that it cannot provide any illumination, and when they finally are allowed near it, they would blow it out and triumphantly declare their narrative correct.

    Of course, what we’ve seen in Obama is that neither party really gives a single, solitary shit about the economic plight of the sick, or the poor, or anyone making less than 250k a year, so Gun-loving, Bible-toting, Queer-hating, fetus-loving rednecks might as well vote for their social interests, no matter how vile they are, opposed to voting for someone whose social causes they don’t agree with and whose economic theories leave them in the dust anyways. But, maybe the Social Security checks not going out will actually wake some people up, get them to take a look at the way things are going. Not that they really seem to have decent options to choose from in Washington. And not that Fox news would report that Obama and the Dems actually wanted to get the people the money they are owed. Damn, I just killed my momentary optimism.

    Also, dude, what’s up with Reid’s Cap plan? Haven’t exactly heard good things this far east.

    • Michael Douglass:

      Vulgar theater with consequences we aren’t able to imagine. Battle of the fucktards. This is ridiculous.

  • Jeff Prager:


  • Suzanne Daniel:

    I am so glad that you said that Americans are dumb as shit. Because it’s true. I get so tired of commentators and politicians saying things like the American people are smart, they can figure it out, or see through this and that. Wrong. Most people are not even following what is going on in this country. They are too busy working their asses off and then coming home to watch mindless sitcoms and talent shows. This is understandable sometimes because the truth is too frightening to hear.

    • Michael Douglass:

      Yup, the truth has become so ugly that we’re afraid of it. We don’t want to believe what is actually happening, but there exists no possibility for change until even the dumbest, white trash, dentally challenged tea party goofcock owns just how seriously fucked we are.

      Holding my breath with paramedics on standby.

      • Alex Reed:

        “Holding my breath with paramedics on standby.”

        I haven’t had as good a laugh in too long a time. I’m stealing that line.

  • Graham Wells:

    Agree with the sentiments, but it isn’t about jobs – not directly. The economic growth on which the capitalist system depends is pretty much over, and “they”, the smarter ones at least, probably realise it, which is why they’re going for broke (as it were). This guy puts it much better than I can:

    Temporary Recession or the End of Growth?

  • I have know you for years, you make me think. I may not always agree with you, but damn you make my brain hurt. Keep it up my friend.

    Three words that should never be used in the same sentence: “Sarah Palin President”
    Three more: “Michelle Bachmann President”
    It should actually be illegal to even say much less think it.

    You’re correct, Americans are as dumb as shit. We have become complacent. Too much media BS and our brains are fried. The politicians have us right where they want us.

  • Beca:

    Michael, excellent post, however, you are being way too generous towards President Obama. He is NOT a “moderate” Republican, he is a full-fledge Corporatist Republican. Perhaps what still confuses you is that his public persona does not fit with the crude, crass, rude, bully asshole image of a ‘real’ Republican. This is why he is so valuable to the Corporate cartel who owns the Republican party. Obama creates an incredible cognitive dissonance among Americans who see his public performances be in complete opposite to his actual policy actions. He says to us “I love you and I will never leave you”, then he goes back to the White House, fucks your sister, signs over the deed to your house, takes your bank’s pin number and wipes your bank account out while doning an evil laugh. Then comes back to you and says “Oh but I do love you! It’s those bullies who are ruining us! It’s your sister’s fault!! I am trying hard, but your sister is evil, plain evil! I love you!!”
    Obama is dangerous, he is more dangerous than G.W. Bush ever was or wished to be. Not only has Obama succeeded in continuing Bush’s most egregious policies, he has succeeded in expanding them and even institutionalizing them! He has effectively silenced the Democratic party and many progressives and liberals by the fact that he wears the Democratic suit–while being a full fledge corporatist Republican.
    You are correct, this is a manufactured crisis–Obama is intent on destroying the Social Security, Medicare, Veterans benefits funds in order to continue funding his wars.
    He is in bed with the corporatist Republicans while proclaiming his love for the Democrats! I wonder how Michelle Obama feels about this wolf in sheep clothing! Better yet, I wonder how his mother-in-law is feeling about now?

  • Junior's Ghost:

    I’m watching this Satan’s sandwich of a deal go through congress and I’m almost at a loss. This crisis may have fictional roots but it’s doing some pretty real serious damage to my liver. This is a blatant takeover of the state by corporate power. Nothing more, nothing less. There was once this spunky Italian guy who practiced this maneuver so proudly that he actually gave name to this process. The guy was Mussolini, and the process is called fascism.

    Right now I feel like a traitor to my nation because I’m spending this very moment staring blankly at a computer screen instead of fighting in the streets. May God have mercy on my soul if I don’t help the people of this nation successfully fight off this fascist movement.

    Yes, this is fascism. And yes, it mut be defeated, utterly. We must kick it in the ass.
    Just like George Washington kicked King George III’s ass.
    Just like Abe Lincoln kicked Jeff Davis’ ass.
    Just like FDR and Ike kicked Hitler’s ass.

    Future generations of Americans aren’t going to care about how peaceful this upcoming confict will be. They’re only going to care about whether or not they live in a free and democratic nation. Democracy can at times be a messy process.

    Unfortunately, at times it can also be cruel. It’s been said that one never feels more alive than when staring death in the face. Right now as an American I’ve never felt more free.

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