This one’s gonna leave a mark……..

I gotta tell ya. What I really want to do is smash up a supermarket. I walk those long, peaceful aisles and I look at the glistening jars, the scrubbed and oily produce, and I have violence on my mind.  I’ve had this fantasy since I was a kid when we used to blow shit up all the time.  From baseball bats to sling shots, amateur bombs and sometimes shotguns.  A day of mayhem in a supermarket.  Show up early for pastries and juice.  Golf carts and liquor.  Afternoon sun lit sheen behind the arc of relish under fluorescents violenced by a hard swung axe.

A gallon jar of mustard exploding in golden rays of a twilight sun through thirty foot storefront windows facing west.  Huge jars of maraschino cherries slammed onto a bleach white aisle floor, glistening in the low glow of a sun settling below our hemisphere.

Admit it, if you could attack an empty Safeway with your buddies on a Saturday afternoon with a hillbilly arsenal along with a no host bar you’d be there in a heartbeat.  I sure as fuck would.

You know what’s sad?

That this election is thus far completely divorced from intellectual honesty.  There is not even mere resemblance to intellectual integrity.  The debate over who should lead our country and therefore, arguably, lead the free world by example, if not through sheer force of might and too often furious violence, is being waged on a field of rhetorical symbolism as opposed to intellectual responsibility.

I am proud of my President because of the position he’s taken.  I see the the issue of same sex marriage, of gay rights, as fundamentally in and of the context of civil rights.  I am absolutely certain that sexual orientation, gender preference, what sex you desire to fuck upon maturity, is inherent.  Nobody actually decides to be gay.  That’s as profoundly absurd as someone deciding at the age of  five or seven to want to get sexy with the first grade teacher with the huge knockers.  I don’t remember that decision.  It decided me.  It hurled itself upon me in ever greater heaps until I was thirty, maybe thirty five.  I had no choice and I’m still firmly in it’s grip. It’s sex, stupid.  It’s primal and carnal and meant to be.

No different than discrimination against women, minorities, the handicapped or anyone else actually born the way they are.  Born the way they are.  A matter somehow consigned to clueless, misinformed, ignorant and the indoctrinated of intolerance these days.  Always fueled by the inflamed.  Always fueled by religious indignation.

So in light of that, if you feel differently, with all sincerity and conviction, I say fuck you and your God.  Because that’s most of the impetus.  Religious intolerance.  I am absolutely sick of your shit and history will judge you to be abject fools.  Get the fuck out of my living room, get off my fucking TV, get out of my fucking life you goddamn mindless, drooling Christian heretics.  Hypocrites.  Tolerance my ass.  You people trade in judgment and hearsay.  All you motherfuckers should be taxed the same as the rest of us if for no other reason than you’re completely full of shit and you never, ever, fail to seize any opportunity to proselytize politically.  And you do so by threatening everyone within reach of your bullshit vitriol with the specter of some idolized and ridiculously cherished Santa Clause for grown ups.

I admit it’s completely genius.  If only because it works.  People are way dumber than I ever would have thought.

Look, whatever gets you through the night. No matter how stupid it means you are.

So please, by all means, keep it to yourself and shut the fuck up otherwise.

I’m a humanist.  I believe in humanity.  I understand that some people are good and some people are bad and it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with Santa or the Heat Miser.

“God is not some celestial party chairman” -Mario Cuomo

I will not apologize for my view that Mitt Romney is an an absolute idiot on so many more levels than just his belief in magic underwear and the fact that he gives all of his charitable contributions to a religious organization that maintained that blacks had no chance of divine holiness until the late sixties.  A religious organization that afforded copious filthy lucre toward African American males in California to subtract the right of Gay Americans to marry and enjoy the same rights as Heterosexuals in California, America.  They absolutely preyed upon a bias they knew to be nascent yet efflorescent.  These bastards decided to afford themselves multiple wives.  All decent men understand the fantasy as well as they understand the basic fact that it objectifies fully half of us.  And this dickhead who would be king tells us that The Gays don’t deserve to be treated the same as everyone else.  Not the same as you and me.  Less than.  Not the same.  Sick and shamelessly opportunistic.  The Mormons did that.  Mitt Romney says that.

He’s fucktard incarnate and if you vote for him you’re a soldier of spectacular stupid.

I will not apologize for that.  Mitt Romney is a colossal asshole.  He doesn’t belong here and that’s what I’m getting at.  All he has is this ginned up culture war.  This novocain, antibiotic resistant virus of a politician who has no position on anything except what’s convenient today.  This man who is intellectually bereft of any thoughtful notion or action, wants to lead you.  To pretend to inspire you.  And his stock in trade is to confuse you with this nonsense because he’s got nothing.

His own party spits a pubic hair off their collective lip before they invoke his candidacy.

This should be about the economy and if it were to genuinely be about just that, Willard Mittens Romney would taste his own blood on the playground of politics because he’s got nothing.  He’s an emptier suit than George W. Bush ever thought about trying on. They all stand around and entertain this badinage, but he is a phony.  A charlatan.  A used car salesman who fiscally rapes and pillages and seeks to wear it as an economic badge of honor while hiding from everything he’s ever done. I can’t stand it.

Can we just please focus on what matters instead of Guy Smiley delivering the commencement address at godweird Liberty University?  Can we please get beyond Obama’s princely conduct of making public that he has no object against same sex marriage?  It should be a given.  Evolved people want to know what happens next. I hold these truths to be self evident because the only time my 77 year old mother ever uses the word “fuck” is when the word “republican” is in the same sentence.



We don’t get better until we do better.

Drinks for my friends.

25 Responses to “This one’s gonna leave a mark……..”

  • Michael Saraceno:


  • Vic Yepello:

    I Dont know when it’s been said so well. Thanks for putting how I feel today into words.

  • * sigh *
    Loved this. My mother, who was 75, died this year. And she’d have loved it, too. “Republicans”
    and “fuck” (various forms).
    Amen to all of it.
    My favorite: “dickhead-who-would-be-king,” The phrase just ROLLs. me.

  • Sean:

    Thunderous Applause 🙂

    • Michael Douglass:

      Thanks dude. Happy birthday.

      • Sean:

        Thank you! wish we were both in the same town for a chat and beer…soon 🙂

        • I want in on that too, damnitall, drinks and chat. That was a particularly choice brainspank rant. All I was going to say was bravo- but ‘thunderous applause’ says it better. I would also like to chime in on the bashing up of the supermarket. I’d love to hear the muffled shatter/splat/splash of a gallon glass jar of mayo hitting the deck the next aisle over, launched by a hefty lob. That sound in a silent store, maybe as the opening shot to the cacophony of the major Smash’n’Bash hoedown to follow. I bet sauerkraut bombs would sound great too. I fantasized once while shopping about how fucked up and fun it would be to stand at the hotdog section, hurling Oscar Meyer and Ballpark packages across the store, especially towards the checkout lines up front, clobbering random shoppers and clerks with squishy bricks of tube-meat. Thump thump wiener bricks. That’d be an excellent way to get arrested. Here’s another fine fantasy I had at the supermarket once: I’d like to print up a bunch of false labels on butter tubs and sneak them into the cooler, so when shoppers are considering which tub-spread they want for their toast, right next to the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’, they’d find my product: ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Ass-lube!’ Think the Mormons would buy it?

          • Michael Douglass:

            Thanks my old friend. Can’t imagine a better evening than the old gang and some good hooch. I actually thought of you when imagining my assault on corner grocery.

            Obviously the Mormons would buy a shit sandwich they thought it would increase their chances at that deluxe playground in the sky.

  • MIchael,
    I work with peace activists who mostly wouldn’t want to be caught talking’ like this … as for me, I fucking love it! You nailed it; although there is the infrequent closeted homosexual who is merely compensating to hide the truth, most homophobes are religiously intolerant fascists and Romney is that and an imbecile. Re Obama, I think he gets it that the political time has arrived to take this position; there is plenty of reason to believe that he is NOT particularly concerned about Civi Rights. Thanks much for this.
    Doug Zachary

  • Kelly:

    Thank you for putting so deftly into words the anger and frustration felt by many of us. Indeed, the evolved do want to know what’s next and we want to see these close minded idiots lose the microphone. We are sick to death of hearing from them and having their ignorance drive our policy.


  • Scott Latislaw:

    That’s so true. Now write one about how all politicians are only in the game for their or their parties own good. Not the people’s good. They forget that we elect them to do what WE want them to do and not what they want to do for their party. It’s all about the parties now. Who fives a fuck about the parties!! People don’t, only the politicians do!! Get off the power mind fuck you ignorant assholes!!! Do something, something for the people. Instead of convening in debate and most of the time not reaching a conclusion because the FUCKING PARTIES couldn’t agree. Waisting out tax dollars, pissing off the people, making the USA’s government and people look like idiots in the eye of the rest of the world. You government fuckheads need to wake up. This country is in trouble and in my opinion is facing economic
    Disaster. Big corporate scandals ripping off the taxpayer and getting slapped on the wrist for it. If I were to steal $100 from the government, a corporation or private citizens I would be in jail and held responsible for paying back every penny of it. But, are big businesses and global businesses held to the same standards or morals? Fuck no. We give them breaks, why? They already have tons of money. How fucking greedy can you get. While I am at home with a shattered leg and can’t work, am worried about losing my home and cars, they will still stick it to me. The government won’t help me at all. Am trying to refinance my house to save money but, the banks have
    Made that impossible. Since I’m not in foreclosure and my wife works they say I’m not in financial hardship. I’m trying to keep from losing my home you ASSHOLES. everything is for the rich, the corporate world and overseas interests. Shit, the government barely even takes care of our military service personnel. wake the fuck up government. Wake the fuck up corporate world. Realize that all the citizens finance them and without us, they wouldn’t FUCKING EXIST!!!! I’m not the most intelligent person out there and as a matter of fact I’m far from it. But, I am still a person trying to make ends meet in this country with fucked up leadership. At least I have morals!!

    • Michael Douglass:

      Sorry to hear about all that Scott. We spend as much as the rest of the world combined on weapons and armies and ever more effective ways of killing shitloads of our fellow humans but we don’t take coare of our own who need it the most. It’s fucking disgusting.

  • Wayne:


    I don’t think you were tough enough on these insects. A good start though. Keep it up. Let’s keep in mind this war isn’t against repubics, it’s against conservatism itself, which includes all repubicans and two-thirds of the Democrats. For what I mean see this…..


    • Michael Douglass:

      Really? Not tough enough? Thanks for the link, I’ll check it out. I’m sure I’ll probably agree with it.

  • were screwed……………….when will the sheeple wake up?

  • corn:

    Love you. Love you show.

    Keep on keeping on, bro.

  • This article claimed Someone posted an article which said:

    ” Nobody actually decides to be gay. That’s as profoundly absurd…”

    WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF SOMEONE DECIDES TO LOVE A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX? Are you saying this can’t happen or is less worthy of respect and protect than being ‘born’ gay?

    Born or freely choosing a gay relationship has no place in the equation of love, protection and equality. We all are INDIVIDUALS and our choice of who to love is not the business of any other human being on the face of this planet!

    Get off this ‘born that way’ thingy — that is being driven solely out of a sick emotional need for some acceptance by the tea baggers/gop psychopaths! It is the same as “feel sorry for us, have pity — we can’t help it!

    FUCK YOU! This is BullShit!

    • Michael Douglass:

      Take it easy. I don’t give a shit either way. But I have a problem with those that would insist it’ some kind of casual decision that can be prayed away or worse a sickness that can be cured. I may lament your plight but I sure as fuck don’t feel sorry for you. Relax, we’re both on the side of non-judgement, live and let live and compassion. And there is plenty of evidence to suggest the majority of gender preference is inherent and therefore exclusively a civil rights issue. What the fuck is wrong with that?

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