Biscuits and gravy baby.

Glazed ham. Mint Jelly and foul smelling lamb. Men in porkpie hats and seersucker jackets.

People who refuse to understand.

Me, I like to plumb the depths. Best way to go. People are always interested in the bottom. As am I.

Because I can’t stand it. So many men are boys and that confounds me. Dumbya is one bewildered little boy. He had no idea what he was getting into and no doubt he’s not even remotely cognizant of the damage he has wrought. Absolutely tragic.

I could tell you things. Crazy shit. Fishmongers. Surgeons. Sausage kings. Cigar aficianados. Whistle punks and excellent shovelers.

Sometimes I like to pile on, make something out of nothing, call a spade a goddamn spade. Always ends up being the absolute truth.

I gotta tell ya, craziness is pervasive. It’s everywhere.

I don’t like people or dislike them. I love them or hate them.

We are all just dust in the wind.

Matty is a punk.

He believes he’s funny. He is mistaken. I may need to wash my hands.

It’s as though he anticipates the worst place to put a foot when the time comes.

It burns burns burns, that ring of fire, that ring of fire.

Between me and mine. Stupid fuck.

Things are awful among those I know. Just awful.

I see their faces and I know to worry.

On the other hand, untruths. Bad ones. Ones that give me pause.

What to do now? This is fucked up.

Eddie Money’s first record is as pure a pop masterpiece as ever has been. Genius production and songwriting. Gorgeous. It rivals the Foo Fighters “The Color and The Shape” and Green Day’s “American Idiot”, in terms of butter flavor and bursting nuggets. We’re in Roger Miller and Neil Diamond territory. Don’t even look at me.

I’ll do my best not to embarrass you.

Here’s a tip: Crunchy brand Cheetos and Tostitos Salsa con Queso.

We move on from one place to another. Nobody notices.

My girlfriend is gubernatorial. Ever seen the movie “Excalibur”? It’s like three hours long and she knows every single word. “Gubernatorial” therefore being long for “goober”, as in geek. Who knew?

It’s crazy how we watch the the world literally atrophy while waiting for Our Man to assume the position. I suspect the attitude dividend will at least afford a glimpse at blue sky again. I’m counting on it.

Sometimes my own breath smells like an ass packed with gorganzola.

Reagan, what an anti-intellectual joke. George Dumbya is the labotomized brain on Reagan drugs. The Republican agenda. The post modern conservative doctrine. Trickle down bullshit. Stupid. Forgive me but Republicans are dipshits. Assholes. Idiots. Mouth breathing, crystallized snot festooned faced, barely distinguishable from the unfucking dead, unrepentant helmet wearing riders of the short bus to the goddamn mall.

To believe what they believe is a deformity. A genetic flaw that no amount of truth and/or physical therapy can correct. It makes me sad to tell you that they should probably all be institutionalized. This, for their well being as well as our own.

Here’s the thing. I found this Der Winerschnitzel that has beer on tap. Told ya about that already. The thing is this: my girl and I have discussed it; we can afford to explore the menu. It’s doable.

What I’m trying to tell you is that an open mind is optimum and essential. Don’t be afraid to combine various flavors. Combine Tater Tots with bacon, sour cream and avacado. All the sudden you’ve got trailer park nachos. The key is an open mind. Sometimes you’ll shit gravy and sometimes you’ll achieve a pinnacle of white trash cuisine. A palette of flavors deserving the accompaniment of wine from a chilled glass bottle.

At the end of the day, what’s to lose?

The other thing I’m trying to impart to you, in all seriousness, is that my significant other, much to my embarrassment, is a taco head. There are times where that is challenging in public. I worry. She has special needs. Certain ointments and protective gear.

I once knew a chronic masturbator named Sam. He was a damn good guitar player.

Sorry I couldn’t do any better Hunter. It’s all I had. This one’s for the lovely Ella. All six pounds and thirteen ounces of her innocence. Blessed be her red head. Welcome to earth. Peace to you and yours.

Drinks for my friends.

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