Archive for the ‘DNC’ Category

This will get ugly quick because Doubtfire has nothing to lose. He’s in the suck and losing ground. It will be painful for a cornucopia of reasons. We’ll actually suffer for the inevitable shift of focus further away from legitimate issues and onto complete bullshit.

It’s gonna really piss me off. I can tell.

At issue and as example, something like a hundred and fifty nine thousand jobs lost last month alone. Double the average of monthly losses this year. This is very bad news. Think about it. That’s twice the number you saw packing the stadium in Denver for Barack’s speech at the DNC.

Understand, we need a net gain of somewhere between a hundred and a hundred fifty thousand jobs a month to sustain the zero sum game that accommodates nothing more than population growth and newly elligible workers. Assume this means men and women eighteen and up.

What I’m getting at here is this month alone, the actual net job loss was more like two hundred and fifty to three hundred thousand. See, now we’re talking about three, almost four times the people in that stadium.

That’s a shitload of lives.

Don’t forget to add that figure to every monthly job loss report this year. It effectively doubles the figure of seven hundred fifty thousand so far, to about one and a half million jobs lost this year alone. Conservative estimate.

Ten thousand foreclosures a day.

We are in very serious trouble.

Can you hear me now?

Don’t forget the number of Boomers retiring and therefore acquiescing to a fixed income and the rite of passage into drawing from social security, medicare, medicaid etc. To be clear, they’ve paid into these programs their whole lives. They deserve every damn dollar. The Republicans hate these programs and call them “entitlements”. Just like they call their jihad against the average citizen being able to sue the shit out of a major corporation for punitive AND actual damages, “tort reform”. When they whine about “frivolous lawsuits”, they really mean we shouldn’t be able to take the rich to court.

I hate them. I see John Boehner. I hate that guy.

We are hopelessly entangled in wars and caught up in the gears of countless foreign policy debacles. Ten billion a month in Iraq on credit and we’re still obstinate enough to pick fights. No wonder the World thinks we’re assholes.

Whatever.

Still, the contest for our next President is up in the air. Obama’s numbers continue to encourage, but Americans are fickle and stupid. I will never again underestimate the average American’s ability to do the dumb thing.

Our Man will prevail and that’s good, but I shudder at the toxic hazard he inherits. I worry that unless he’s got spheres hanging, of beautifully sculptured cubic zirconia, he’ll end up with the blame for a country rent asunder, the fall of The American Empire. He may ultimately preside over our demise.

I’d still pick him for that. Who better?

McCain would end up a puddle of melted crayons. Maybe a cheap roadside firework.

I loathe that the best choice we’ve had for President in a very long time is to be bequeathed such fragile, dangerous and explosive wreckage. Hard to believe he wants the job at all. I do think he wants it for the right reasons.

In turn, I believe McCain either wants it for reasons he doesn’t understand or, more likely, reasons that are not in America’s best interest. I’m trying to tell you that he’s more than a little crazy. He scares me and his laugh is fucking creepy.

Sarah Palin is not merely an empty suit. She is handsome pinstripes, expensive wool of Italian design, floating in the vacuum of space.

She sucks.

This man, Our Man, might just be able to lead us from the desert. I believe it’s in him so long as it is in us.

Drinks for my friends.

From last Friday evening until the day ballots are cast across this country on November four, people en masse have finally begun to search their hearts and their minds.

The Presidential campaign has commenced.

The majority of Americans who actually intend to vote have begun to wake up in the morning and think about it, have lunch and devote a few minutes of thought to it, or go home and discuss it with their significant other, as of Friday night.

They’ve also begun to consume mainstream media without discrimination and with more appetite than we’ve seen in a while. I’m alarmed by this but at least they’re curious.

The first debate. A Clash of Titans.

Campaign season officially and unoffiicially started September Twenty Six, the day of the first confrontation.

There was record viewership of the conventions, but it really begins with the first debate. I’ve been watching this thing and writing about it for two years. If you’re at all like me, you understand where I’m going with this. We are consistent in our responsibility to pay attention. We have tracked and monitored candidates from all parties and given no quarter to those who run off the rails.

Here comes the great unwashed.

I nailed The Pantsuit over and over with one of those guns that actually shoot nails. Very cool invention.

Optimistically and with unfounded enthusiasm I supported Kucinich. I knew he wouldn’t last but I wanted him to get as far as his little heart could. A bright and honest man. The Little Paste Eater. Then it was Edwards because of his sincere populist message. He championed the poor. Another good and bright man, this time with an assload of charisma. Oh well.

He turned out to be a dick, not for what he did, but for what he didn’t do. Honesty. He even lied to himself.

I’ve always liked Obama, but having been the poster child for unrealistic expectations in past elections, you can perhaps understand my reluctance. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama. Forgive me, but a name like that at a time like this?

I wrote with conviction a year and a half ago that this man although gifted, had not a hope in hell. That was my belief.

What happened next was extraordinary. It was an all star season at the DNC. He not only prevailed over a field of excellent candidates, he went toe to toe with the Clinton Juggernaut and handed them their ass on a bone china platter garnished with new potatos and parsley. Awesome. Don’t you dare question his balls.

Whipping the Clintons, when Hills would NOT let go, is a bigger feat for a Democrat, a more formidable task for an African American male Democrat, than for anyone of the Republican hopefuls. It bears pointing out that they were all losers. McCain did turn out to be the best they had. Sheezus.

If after the debate, you were disappointed by the lack of punches thrown, I understand. But you need to know that we have a man that is smarter than us again. Elitist. Bigots and racists say uppity. More intelligent. He’s roughly my age but he’s so much smarter. He knows what he’s doing.

He could be really good you know. The best choice you have ever been afforded unless you are old enough to have voted for JFK or RFK. If you voted for either of them, you’re probably with me here.

Time to pay attention. 9/11 happened on this watch. This economic venting of radiation and the subsequent meltdown, predicted and predictable. Happening on this watch. Same watch. These guys suck. They’re fucking clowns. This is blind, shithouse absurd.

I didn’t realize it but there’s a part two of Couric’s interview of Palin tomorrow night. Oh boy. It is sad indeed that in the same election a woman sought and almost secured her party’s nomination for President, another woman comes along as a running mate for the other party. Actually, there’s nothing unfortunate about that at all. What is damn near heart rending is that the former was an intelligent capable woman with experience and the latter can best be sketched with one word. Bimbo.

You know what? Republicans are idiots.

And here’s another big deal. The surface and the subterranean, the face and the bone and muscle beneath this electorate are far different than anything we have ever seen in a national election. How many turn out and who they are, is and will be a wildcard of historic proportion. The youth vote. The previously disenfranchised who are now pissed, the cell phone generation. The cultural groundswell. SNL has parodied, brutally, the McCain campaign in one way or anther for the last three weeks. See, no current model takes this data into account.

It’s a wild ass card and it could be huge.

I have a crack team of analysts on the case. We’ll get back to you on this.

Drinks for my friends

Make that naive.

This race for President is what they call a statistical dead heat. Scary. My mind tells me this is to be expected. Most of the electorate are just beginning to pay attention. This scares me too.

They have almost completely assimilated Our Man’s message of “Change”, even after they made fun of it. It’s not a wafer thin slice of deli meat, not even an RCH short, of equal parts creepy and awesome. So depressingly illuminating. Proof that it doesn’t take much too fool some of the people all of the time. Proof that there’s an assload of them.

Same thing they did with patriotism.

I’m having a lazy day so expect nothing above the level of ad hominem, grandiloquent, fucking pomposity.

I gotta tell ya, this shit is ridiculous. Sarah Palin has not strayed from the script by so much as a misplaced pause. They were going to let her play with others on her own starting tommorrow but they understand two things. Not only is she way too short on experience and knowledge of any kind, but there’s enough stupid people in America lusting to hear the same goddamn thing she says every night, word for retarded word, over and over while they languish in their adult diapers.

Bonus, they hang around for Doubtfire.

I’m not here to pretend I’m confused or shocked. I’m thoroughly cognizant of how many mouth breathing, God fearing, dogmatically handicapped there are among us. It feels like the majority.

I’m not here to abandon hope. I’m still convinced our ticket will prevail. It has to. I’m not kidding when I say the future of the human species depends upon it.

Somehow, I retain optimism.

Here’s the deal. Just because they’re stupid doesn’t mean they can’t be manipulated by the forces of good. Proof they are infinitely malleable is the Darkside’s easy exploitation of millions by fear alone. Nothing says they won’t respond to logic and compassion.

It could happen. Regardless of whether it’s possible, it must come to pass. It must be.

What I’m trying to say here at the risk of sounding way too rah rah, is that it’s time for every single one of us to do something. Donate, volunteer, talk to your friends, intimidate your neighbors, staple bumper stickers to the heads of the great unwashed. Have parties. Get hookers and strippers to get other hookers and strippers involved. Recruit. Convince and pummel if necessary. Don’t be afraid to throw hands if they get snide on ya. If they’re like that, it’s a lost cause.

Try to hum the Star Spangled Banner to yourself and be sure to show good posture in administration of your duties as a member of the brighter side of things. Be positive and cheerful. Smile. Show them you care.

We always make the mistake of focusing on the fact that there’s so many idiots out there. Nevermind that it’s sad but true. Understand that if they are engaged in a way that smells good to them, they’ll respond with enthusiasm. Barbecues work and so does booze.

Don’t forget less than savory women and cocaine.

The challenge you face is not winning over the mentally disadvantaged, that which you face is about you and your willingness to see this bud of hope flower. To hold it in your hands as it blooms, feeling it’s soft petals strain against your palms and fingers.

That’s what you can expect if you believe.

I am here tonight to implore you elite and sophisticated pricks to take arms. Coddle, cuddle, convince, cajole, coerce, cudgel and calumniate. Do your best and then your worst. Let them know you’re not here to fuck around. Take charge and blame everyone else if necessary.

GO FORTH

Drinks for my friends.

As far as I’m concerned, the Clintons have done their job. Passionate, sincere speeches full to bursting with conviction and enthusiasm. The matriarch and the patriarch of the Democratic party have gracefully bequeathed the Democratic flame.

Well done Bill. Well done Hillary. Very well done.

I mean at the very least, we know Bill to be an expert liar, but I bought his message tonight. Call me crazy.

I must tell you, my optimism is renewed.

“Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.” -Fleetwood Mac

Amen.

Be afraid you willfully ignorant Republicans. Be scared shitless.

I’m an American. I love my country and what it has stood for. It is time for us to stand for those things again. I say fuck you John McCain. In light of the policies you endorse and the ideals you embrace, I’m more than willing to question your patriotism. I’m here to question your judgement. I’m here to seriously question your sanity.

I’m not as anxious to cut you the slack everyone else seems so willing to afford you. I think you’re wrong, anachronistic, obsolete and absurd. I think you suck and you’re bad for America and the world.

I gotta tell ya, this convention is good stuff. The Democratic party has been gathering steam for years and they are about to explode all over America. No worries, it’ll be like a warm spring rain. Not sticky at all.

The Republicans have nothing but ad hominem rhetoric, fear and divisiveness. They sure as hell have nothing on the issues. They have rent the American ethic asunder, without apology, without remorse. They have no business attempting to cast aspersions on those of us who dare to think outside of their stupid, pitifully small box. How dare they question us after how badly they have screwed it all up in so short a time.

Ever notice how their eyes are way too close together? And they squint when they think hard.

As my old producing partner Al used to say, there’s a fine line between clever and stupid.

Then there’s Joe.

There is perhaps no better person in the U.S. Senate than Joe Biden. Know how I know? After thirty six years in the United States Senate, he’s it’s poorest member. On paper, he’s not worth shit. He’s in debt. My kinda guy.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the perfect ticket. A man of hope and optimism and the intelligence to see it through and a man with the experience and the goddamn down in the dirt kick your ass toughness to get shit done.

My man Biden parked it tonight. It was not one inch short of gorgeous. Biden is the shit. Powerful, pissed and righteous.

Republicans may as well sit this one out. Why show up if you’re just gonna get your ass handed to you? Why behave in public if you’re living on a playground? Stay home. Have a few beers and don’t worry. You only stand to benefit here, even though you may not deserve it.

What we have here, is a successful communication. Yes we do.

Doubtfire will go down in flames because he has it coming. He deserves it.

And really, this is far larger than either he or his faithful, or party-line Republicans have the capacity to grasp. It’s weird that it’s beyond them, but it is.

Drinks for my friends.