Archive for the ‘Georgia’ Category

An actual headline from the website.

These people are full of shit.

Duh.

“ExtenZe is the strongest, most advanced formula available today to increase the size of your penis and enhance sexual desire, pleasure and performance. With the newest, most advanced medically designed formula ever created for male sexual enhancement, it’s simply the best and is all natural with no harmful side effects. Increase the size of your penis in just a few weeks by taking one ExtenZe tablet each day. ExtenZe works for men of any age.
Even if you’ve tried everything, even other pills, you owe it to yourself to try the one that really works…ExtenZe!”

I called the toll free number. I told them I was a prominent blogger and would be happy to tell the truth about their product if they would agree to send me a free sample.

The TV deal was postage only for a free seven day trial so they only wanted 97 cents.

They only accept credit cards, however.

I reminded them I was a very prominent blogger and they should just send it to me.

They only accept credit cards.

They refused to waive the postage for the very prominent blogger.

I suggested COD to the very polite and friendly Phillipino lady.

No way I’m giving these fucks my credit card.

Wait! The Commercial is on again. Who the fuck is Doctor Stein from the Stein Institute? If he were suddenly thrust into the public school system he’d automatically be diagnosed with a learning disorder, given a helmet and assigned to the short bus. If that didn’t work they’d make sure he was bullied constantly and made to believe he was a homo and that it was very bad to be a homo.

They only accept credit cards.

How fucking stupid can people be?

I will share this with you. If there were a product on the market that could increase the size of male humanoid genitalia, in a male dominated world such as this, it would be available as lozenge sized discs packaged in a foil wrapper at the counter of every convenience store, gas station, drugstore, vending machine and public restroom in America. Eventually pushbutton dispensers for gorillas and every other male primate on God’s green Earth would be made available.

They only accept credit cards for the fucking postage.

I tried, she was polite, I regret not telling her that I’d be recording the conversation as well for purposes having nothing to do with quality or customer service. I wasn’t recording, I just wish I’d said it.

I asked about ingredients. She was a little vague.

It’s on again. Stein has personally researched the product! He’s got golden signage on a pinkish brick facade. Five men, at least one of them gay, testify to having achieved a larger unit.

“Dr. Stein has lectured internationally and is a regular guest on a variety of television programs nationwide. He is also widely quoted as an authority on sexual health and medicine in popular magazines such as Redbook, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and Mademoiselle.” -extenze.com

Pillars of responsible journalism all. I don’t care who this horse’s ass is, if he’s trying to convince me he’s got a pill that will make my dick bigger, he’s insulting my intelligence and that makes him an asshole and a potential sociopath.

“Special area of the male body”

“Male enhancement”

Now there’s a full on infomercial with three broads on a couch answering questions like, “When did you first discover size?” They have taken over the airwaves.

This is the cheesiest most resolute pandering to the lowest common denominator goddamn thing I’ve ever seen.

It may be gratuitous to mention, but my male membership has recieved consistent praise. I’m a Douglass after all.

“Size is a big thing”

“The most easiest product I’ve taken”

Unfuckingbelievable.

The fact that this broadcast makes it into my living room is an example of the millions of idiots breathing my air.

This angers me.

“synergistic blend”

For men who are not only dipshits, but tragically under endowed.

Doctor Stein is creepy as a septic tank.

I understand there’s been a Chupacabra sighting in Texas by a fat cop with an onboard camera.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, welcome to the Dope Show.

This shit with Georgia and Russia scares the piss out of me. We got nuthin. Not a damn thing. Lest ye think them that talks tough are brave, trust me when I tell you they are instead, stupid. We got nuthin.

See what I’m saying?

Drinks for my friends.