Archive for the ‘JFK’ Category

I’ve gone through a change.  Transformed.  Like menopause.  Suddenly, the Republican Agenda makes sense to me.  I’ve gone from liberal to vacuous.

Seriously.  Work with me here.

Torture makes complete sense in the context of liberty and justice for all.  Dick Cheney and his minions should not be investigated or prosecuted.  They were merely doing their best.  It’s hopeless silliness, not to mention unpatriotic, to pursue any form of persecution of these brave defenders of the American way.  As American’s, we are better than everyone else, we don’t deserve the scrutiny.  We are above it.  God put us here to rule the world and he is on our side.  Our unique responsibility is to rid the world of evil.

We are special.  Jesus tells us so.  The Bible tells us so.

Our qualifications are exclusive and divine.  Christian Americans are The Chosen.

Republicans in particular.

The faithful.

Those who’ve failed to reach their fiscal potential are not my problem, my concern and certainly not my fault.  Maybe God’s will is that they should be left behind.  A kind of religious natural selection.  Ha!  Take that you atheist Darwin lovers.  After all, God only helps those that help themselves.  Christ has no use or patience for the weak or impaired, they are unable to do for themselves and are therefore worthless to the Holy Spirit.  Never give a fish to a Democrat, teaching the worthless to fish is a waste of time. Some have been chosen and some have not.  The Christian way and obviously what the Heavenly Father intended for the Christian nation of America.

The rich should be taxed minimally, if at all.  Wealth drives the modern economy.  They provide the largess for jobs and industry.  They are the chosen.  Thus, their generosity is evident and already in place.  They do far more than the beggar or the homeless can or would.

I’ve come to loath the rotting toothed, stupid and desperate poor.  God has not chosen riches for me but I shudder when I gaze upon the worthless because I know my tax dollars go to prolong their miserable lives.  Poor but obese, they lack the sense to choose wholesome and nutritious food.  They neither know nor care enough too seek proactive medicines or practices and I don’t doubt that’s all part of God’s plan.  That these zombies are allowed to drain the money and resources of American society in general confuses me.  God does work in mysterious ways.

I don’t hate them because God says not to.

America is the land of opportunity.  Always has been.  Those who’ve failed to take advantage of America’s vast and ripe system of free education and abundant possibility are simply beyond hope, especially once they pass the threshold of adulthood.  I work, I have a job, so these greasy, dentally challenged trailer park dwellers, these weak and worthless veterans of our wars who can’t get it together and refuse to do for themselves, make me want to puke.  Look at all the goddamn foreigners that take jobs as convenience store clerks or manual labor workers that take jobs from worthy Americans.  Are these people less capable, less able than honest Americans?  Maybe they are, maybe they’re not.

Falls under not my fucking problem.  All I know is I’d much rather have my tax dollars go towards fighting the raghead terrorists than these wastes of God’s air.  I see these people in wheelchairs sporting an oxygen tank in casinos and I just know my money is paying for them instead of keeping us safe from Satan’s Muslim evil doers.  They should be euthanized like the diseased cat’s and dogs that make a mess of my trash and threaten neighborhood children with a cornucopia of malaise.  Tics, fleas and ringworm.

Ever heard that expression “Kill ’em all and lot God sort them out”?  I’m down with that.  I’m no judge and jury but get them off my block and out of my town.

Sometimes I think Hitler was more on the ball than he gets credit for.  Everyone knows the Jews control the banks and the entire entertainment industry.  You know “The Family” on C Street more or less agrees.  He really was just looking to rid his country of Faggots, Gypsies, Jews and the ethnically impure. Hitler was a Christian too, you know.  He had “The Ultimate Solution” and I think we could take a page or two from his playbook.

It’s a good dose of reality as opposed to the fascism and socialism pinko liberals try so hard to cram down our necks every fucking day.

See, they’re not patriots like me and you.  They love niggers and spics and anyone who isn’t from the Mayflower like us.  They are weak.  They give money to all the dirty and lazy regardless of their color.  Ask me for money on the street, I’ll tell you to get a job you piece of shit.  They wander around pushing their stolen shopping carts full of stolen trash and I hate them.  Their skin a map of rashes, their eyes bloodshot with their hands out and the cloud of foul stink they walk in.  This instead of a job?

Fucking lazy if you ask me.  No excuse.

Christ has blessed my soul with charity but these people have no will or desire and don’t deserve the fish I can afford.  If they won’t die, better off behind bars at $30k a year because they are a menace.  Know God or pay the price.

We should attack and punish those countries who threaten us.  The future of the world depends on the triumph of Christianity over Islam.  They’re heathens and there’s no chance of co-existing with a bunch of towel headed camel jockeys.  Crude and uncivilized.  We have nukes and they don’t.  Time to use them.  Negotiation is pointless.  Turn their the desert into glass.

Take a breath.

I hope you understand that I’m kidding.  I’ve painted a picture for you of what I hate.  It is a caricature for sure.  A broad stroke, the impetus, the catalyst, being a solid month of right wing talk radio and it’s blatant, overt dishonesty.  Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh are simultaneously American icons and stains on America’s aspirations and her identity.  What they do everyday is sick, irresponsible and evil.  They and their ilk seek nothing more than to pollute our national discourse so egregiously as to rile the stupid and offend the thoughtful to the extent that they are actually paid handsomely for their treason.  Shining examples of the worst of us.  The physical manifestation of everything that is wrong with American society, patriotism and all our precious ideas.

They are paid handsomely to stir shit.  Disgusting.  I would swing on either one.  I fucking hate these guys.

This blog is dedicated to Teddy Kennedy.  Not perfect by any means, I understand his flaws better than you can know, a lion nonetheless.  A champion of all those I’ve lampooned so harshly here.  The dynasty has ended.  It really is America’s loss.

His passing is poignant and symbolic.  It was with JFK’s assassination that the modern era of brutal politics flooded us.  The subsequent courage of LBJ and the assassinations of Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King cemented the vulgar ugliness of right versus left in this once vital and proud nation.  We have fallen from those heights.  Those ideals and those hopes.

In so many ways, we are in the same place.  A half African, half Caucasian man as President.  We are back in that place more than you probably know.  Round headed idiots showing up to Town hall meetings sporting  loaded weaponry enough to slay everyone in front of them.  Adolph fucking Hitler invoked over and over.  There are so many children in America, both literally and figuratively.  I worry so much that despite the election, we are forced to choose between a martyr or Superman.

It would be convenient and gratuitously exculpatory to pontificate here, but I’ll spare both you and me.  Save this:  Both John McCain and Orin Hatch disingenuously lamented the absence of Ted Kennedy from the health care debate in the last day or two, insinuating that his presence would have made a difference.  Fucking pricks.  Shame on you assholes.  You and your ever shrinking party are beginning to trip over your own dicks in your own race for shamelessness.

Public option or bust.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m fourty four years old. Sometimes I think about that and it impresses me. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve done a lot.

I’ve seen a kid on a bike launched by a car doing sixty. I’ve seen people splattered and dying face down on warm asphalt. I’ve been rushed to the hospital bleeding in an ambulance. I’ve met governors and senators. I’ve seen comets and eclipses. Managed a Der Wienerschnitzel. I’ve rolled end over end off the side of mountain in a Subaru. I had a knife pulled on me. Been to a whorehouse and ridden miles above in a giant balloon. Lost my mind on hallucinogenic drugs. Got booked on a felony and made the front page of my hometown paper.

All by the time I was twenty one or twenty two.

I always wonder how many other people flirt with insanity as much as I do. I don’t think I’m going crazy or anything but I wonder about everyone else. Imagine working in a hospital. People with there shit hanging out or infected with insidious diseases. There are so many professions I’m automatically excluded from because of my prejudice for gore and human or animal excretions be they voluntary or not.

I am grateful to be an American. Despite her flaws, copious and profound, I’m happy I was born here and not anywhere else. They call India ‘the worlds largest democracy’, yet the caste system in India allows for a man’s only employment prospect to be diving in the crude sewage system to clear obstructions. These poor fucks have little beyond facemasks, gloves and snorkels. They climb out of manholes covered in shit.

Fuck me.

Welcome to Planet Earth.

“So, let us not be blind to our differences – but let us also direct attention to our common interests……For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.” -JFK

He said that nearly a half century ago. How far have we come? We’ve elected our first bi-racial or racially mixed President. A very high watermark. To my dismay we are still coated in fear, willfull ignorance and graceless stupidity. Still so disasterously handicapped by institutions and insipid indoctrination. People actually lament the end of Dumbya’s dynasty. Millions still believe reproductive rights to be a priority beyond any other issue. Millions still have mullets and poor dental hygiene. They all listen to Rush Limbaugh.

We can’t ignore these bastards. They used to just be stupid. Now they’re mad. Not a welcome development. Seems like the only thing to do is marginalize them. Zeitgeist appears to endorse that notion. The pendulum is in motion and it’s arc seems to favor sensibility. I don’t trust these zealous fuckers, they may be mad now but they’ve always been insane, that’s how it all happened in the first place. It’s been welcome to the monkeyhouse for eight goddamn years.

“…..in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity….”

I just have to say this. As fucked as we are, these dipshits want to stand at every hole we attempt to fill stomping and screaming about how we shovel or what we use to fill the hole. The Republicans, after all this time pissing and moaning about the budget, finally produce a document we’ll have to call an alternative. We can’t call it a budget because there are no goddamn numbers in it. I haven’t read the whole and I refuse to. I have neither the time, the patience or the humor. It’s a joke.

And another thing, most of the people who manage to get a degree in this country end up owing an assload of money. In their early twenties they are desensitized to the idea of humongous debt. So, duh. No wonder so many are so confused. They were working and now they’re not. They had savings and now they don’t. They were living check to check and now they live hand to mouth. They lived in their cars and now they live on a sidewalk.

Another indicator of just how bad the shit is hitting the fan is conflagrations on our southern border. Juárez is occupied by the Mexican military. Thousands dying every year. Far more than our wars across the globe. It is blowing up. This shit is fucked up and it’s because of our senseless, pointless, compassionless and thoroughly ineffective ‘War On Drugs’.

Evil, draconian policy arriving home to roost. Hillary showed up, I don’t know what she did. People who buy pot, smoke pot or even sell pot should not be behind bars anymore than people who buy booze, drink booze or sell booze. It’s that simple. It’s that regoddamndiculous.

My cat Beddy likes to sit on my back while I take a dump. She let’s me know with her eyes and one of at least ten variations on the sound of a pigeon. She’s petite but I still need to lean forward a bit. She turns every direction of the compass. Otherwise she doesn’t approach me in the bathroom much. She’s transfixed by the water closet however. I call it that because of her. It’s a story for another day.

It’s just that we are still so plumbing the depths.

I no longer buy bottled water.

This is the strangest place I’ve ever been.

Drinks for my friends.

7-11 has gotten pretty aggressive with branding of late. The products seem to be of quality and affordable. I tripped on a canard though. I bought some trail mix labeled “Swiss Trail Mix” that contained M&M’s. How can it be Swiss, if it’s most delicious ingredient is an iconic American candy? Not only do they contribute to the palatability of the recipe, they are the backbone in terms of contrasting flavors and textures. In concert with, but far beyond, the raisins.

It’s not a stretch to view this instance as an analog for the salt and pepper of Republicans and Democrats in Congress. Actually it is, but bear with me, there’s a tragic flaw. These two elements are not mixing with any sort of shared purpose. Too bad, ever had sea salt and ground pepper on calimari? Far less pepper is required than salt.

The Republicans are pepper.

No unity. Zero cooperation. What should be a symbiotic relationship, is the furthest thing from it. A contemporary example of the classic conundrum; the pot accusing the kettle of blackness and all the internecine feline agitprop.

Ladies and gentlemen we have a blog title.

I gotta stop buying those Cheladas.

Childish, churlish and obstructionist. They are the body designated and elected to serve our best interests. We The People.

“Watch for the classic tactic of American rightwing propaganda: Always accuse one’s opponent of doing the very thing that one is doing, especially if one has been caught or exposed while doing it.” -from my friend J’s blog

It’s what they accused Democrats of over and over when they were in charge. Obstructionism, when they encountered opposition to silly irresponsible tax cuts to the very rich. Fiscal irresponsibility is at the top of their lungs now, though it was the Republicans who ran the deficit up to a trillion dollars with chickenshit tax cuts and senseless wars.

Nothing proactive there. Our man understands he’s steering into deeper waters. He’s not happy about it but he understands that any way he turns the wheel, people on this boat will piss and moan. He’s got a very smart crew. They think the sea might be more manageable where we’re headed. He’s chosen course as best he can because we have to keep moving. Stand still you die.

Just who the fuck are these guys? Identity and principle have never been less important to the GOP. The tragedy is that in times so breathtakingly dire, they still think it’s 1994. They still think it’s a goddamn game.

They don’t see America. Criminals, pimps, whores, fastfood workers and union folks. We want to address the malaise at this point. Lawyers and midgets. Philanderers and microbioligists. Those chicks who paint you up at Macy’s. We all want it to work.

We’re a mystery to them. They know not what to make of us. See how they walk around with their mouths open?

I’m still fond of the notion that our government benefits from some modicum of parity. A ballast to power absolute. Checks and balances. It’s just these jackasses aren’t up to the ideal. Virtuosity for the sake of virtuosity perhaps. They’ve praticed a black art with such facility for so long that they now practice it exclusively for the sake thereof. Completely absent any regard for the people, their constituents. They have no moral or ethical imperatives. They have no center.

Like balloons in a thunder storm. No power against the Earth’s whipping wind. Notice how they keep falling? Have you seen the debris? The wind has no regard for faith. Faith is centered in the Midwest. So is wind. Huh.

You know why I like Biden despite him being such a loose lipped cashier? He’s the least wealthy member of the Senate and probably most of Congress too. The Guy’s broke despite having been there forever. The only guy in debt. Just like the rest of us, he’s got a mortgage. Now he’s the Vice Goddamn President. Not much speaks louder than that.

As near as I can tell, Our Man has done more in a month to reach across the aisle than Dumbya did in eight years. Magnanimous. Refreshing. Futile? Naw.

I think it’s important for this administration to continue being the better man. Extend a hand and when you get a fist, walk away. Spit over your shoulder. Maintain transparency and clarity all the time. Have the cameras rolling and the microphones on. Play us like they did, only in the right direction. There’s no sin in that.

Let the record show who played good honest ball and who didn’t bring a decent game. Who subsequently lied, obfuscated and willfully assumed ownership of the Sore Loser Trophy. All the Republicans are willing to offer is business as usual. I don’t need to point out they’ve screwed the pooch at the expense of the middle class for not just eight, but every year since Reagan. They would have us believe tax cuts to be the key to the Rapture.

Innocence in America ended with the assassination of Jack, Bobby, Malcom and Martin. Corruption enjoyed a nascent emergence with Nixon. Ford fell down the steps and Jimmy fell up. Corruption became an institution with Reagan and Iran-Contra among other things. 41 was hapless but not evil. Definitely a prick. Barbara was and still is, a platinum haired sasquatch. I bet she stinks like bad deer meat.

Clinton was almost exactly what we needed. He stepped in shit but it was mostly his own. Not ours. And forgive me, but he beat them back, they were at the gates brandishing torches and he sent them home. Rockstar.

It all became business as usual with the Dumbya administration. An administration so corrupt, it’s towering incompetence was overshadowed by ghoulish moral depravity and malignant avarice. These guys fucking sucked.

One last thought on this subject: Let’s not forget, despite the gale, it’s in Barack’s best interest to deliver this vessel into more pleasant waters.

By the way. The Cartoon in the NY Post? Fucking racist.

Now they’re shrill about all the humor comparing Bush to a monkey because he was a dipshit. See, that was legit in my mind because it was the truth. The funniest shit is almost always the most truthful. Nothing to do with racism. Whenever blacks have been degraded in this country to the point of dehumanization, monkeys have been used as overt and shameless imagery.

A dead chimp and the caption: “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.”

The Post is owned, along with Fox, by Rupert News Corp.

That may be all boys and girls. I had to get that out.

Make sure you check him before he wrecks him. Our Man. Stay engaged. Think globally, act locally. Judge not lest ye be.

I mean, don’t do what I do, do what I say.

Drinks for my friends.

Just by talking.

Who is this fuck from Illinois? This Governor. An idiot. Rod Blagojevich.

Forgive me, it’s a stupid name. Just this side of pornstar without the requisite cheesy moustache. Too bad. Low hairline. Good enough. I’ve barely ever heard of this guy. He looks a little like a complete dipshit.

We likes us some Patrick Fitzgerald. Same prosecutor who smoked Scooter Libby. Subpoenaed Darth Cheney. This guy I admire. Big cubes and what seems to be a an absolute lust for truth, justice and the American way. Not pretty at all, just matter of fact. His reputation is thus: Don’t fucking lie to him.

I’m pretty sure this dickweed, Rod Blagojevich, lied to Mr. Fitzgerald. That pissed off this special prosecutor. You won’t like him when he’s angry.

Our Man should promote him. He may be compelled to.

I imagine this take down was a little easier than the Plamegate clusterfuck. The level of douchebaggery was far less sophisticated. Four of the last eight Governors of this state have been ignorant prideful dipshits. This guy, a Democrat no less, might just be the world’s premier idiot.

At least this week.

I’m not some patsy. I understand Democratic politics in Chicago. It goes back before JFK. I know. I know.

I hate hubris.

Seriously, how big of a megalomaniac must one sonafabitch be to assume he can sell a United States Senate seat to the highest bidder? I mean, the seat at play has been vacated by a President Elect. Are you fucking kidding me?

The asshole in question has an impressive pedigree. Northwestern, Pepperdine and a hardscrabble early life. I wonder if that’s why he thinks he’s someone or something he’s not. However he arrived at that notion, I loath him for it. Throw his ass on the fire. Never even talk about him again.

Rasmussen called him “America’s Least Popular Governor.” He’s a low hairline gangster. How does this happen? This is regoddamndiculous.

I understand the culture of corruption in Chicago to be pervasive but come on. Seriously. Who does this fuck imagine himself to be?

Today Our Man asks him to walk away. Dick Durbin too. To go as far away as he can get. True to form, the idiot stays and plays the idiot, turns his back instead of taking a walk. The giant vagina move. Trust me.

I honestly can’t give a mad fuck what this guy’s party affiliation is. Where do these people come from? How do they get elected? Yes, he’s a Democrat. But he’s a sociopath first. Just like Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Kwame Kilpatrick and Larry “widestance” Craig. All ridiculous people at the end of the day.

Then an absurd populace right there in the mirror. C’mon. That’s what it is. We are responsible. Not me. Heh. The people of Illinois, the people of Sugarland Texas, Tennessee and Detroit. I wouldn’t be suprised if each one of these losers has access to the water supply of their respective constituencies.

It’s either that or most Americans are simply retarded.

Me, I think it’s some embarrassing ratio that math would demonstrate is almost exclusively absurd, somewhat retarded with a distant third being crazy.

How do Americans stay hopeful with this shit in the headlines?

We’re working on it.

Drinks for my friends.

So it begins.

What a shame.

We were expecting it weren’t we?

They set to sea to plumb the depths for the next twenty eight days. Oh boy. I knew it would piss me off.

Governor Avon Lady* accused Our Man of “palling around with a domestic terrorists”, today. She refers of course, to Bill Ayers.

Our Man served on the same board, that of a charity for public schools. He was chairman. Yes, there were other associations but at the end of the day:

“……the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called “somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.” -NYT

Ayers is currently a respected and esteemed professor at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He’s been praised by Richard M. Daley as a valuable community leader. I would posit that to be a more dubious connection than Ayers to Obama.

We likes us some Daley, his father gave JFK command of the ship.

I hear Moosewoman is attemtping to resurrect the by now rotting corpse that was the Reverend Wright controversy. Yet another pale and very dead horse exhumed for flogging.

Fucking silly.

All painfully obviated in predictability. Easier to foresee than events subsequent to sticking any given digit or protuberance into a household electrical outlet. Just like fucking with the Jack Link’s Sasquatch. Outcome inevitability, off the scale.

Why?

Because on the issues, Doubtfire and What’s Her Name own the political equivalent of not even dick. They have nothing. They do not have dick.

He’s a terrorist, he’s a muslim, he’s a nigger! Good God, run for the hills. Steadfast family values and the enrichment of a small percentage of white people are at stake. Contact your local militia. Don’t talk to any Jews or Black people even if they tell you they’re voting McFuckstain*. Whatever you do, ignore the issues. Don’t tolerate any discussion regarding the economy, the war etc.

The message is clear, our rapidly imploding economy and potential global warfare and strife are not what’s important. What IS important is our way of life, hand in hand with good Christian acts and zero tolerance of anyone remotely different. Without food or gas maybe.

It doesn’t matter that McCain provided enthusiatic oral relief to Charles Keating in exchange for cash and prizes two plus decades after William Ayers protested the Vietnam war. It’s irrelevant that McFuckstain and his champion economic adviser, Phil Gramm, were the self appointed laureates of deregulation.

Here’s what we need to keep our eye on. The next President is going to inherit a ship with sales so tattered, she can barely catch enough wind to steer. A hull so compromised, she rides lower by the day. A crew so demoralized, if they ever see land again, they’ll all find counseling before they look for water.

If you’re among the rare, pink eyed albino undecided voters, you need to study this vessel and who you think can handle preventing it from becoming an aimless spectre. A ghost ship.

So, your skiff is no longer in this regatta. No excuse to throw your vote away. Unfortunately, third party alternatives are still a waste of energy. Now is not the time to stand on principle at the expense of pragmatism. Man up and pick the lesser of two evils. We’ve been doing it for years. This time, one is way less evil, far smarter and far more sincere than the other. A good man that just might change the way we look at ourselves on top of being able to slow or maybe halt this march to madness.

Wouldn’t that be swell?

Do you really want to risk being called a pussy for the next four years while we suffer under the other man flirting with the ethereal? One who will likely cross over into that realm while President, thereby abdicating the chair to a successful Avon Lady? Seriously? Fuck Ron Paul and Ralph Nader. Sheezus.

Let it go.

*New nick-name alert, the first supplied by Bill Maher, the latter hatched by own evil and diseased brain.

Drinks for my friends.

From last Friday evening until the day ballots are cast across this country on November four, people en masse have finally begun to search their hearts and their minds.

The Presidential campaign has commenced.

The majority of Americans who actually intend to vote have begun to wake up in the morning and think about it, have lunch and devote a few minutes of thought to it, or go home and discuss it with their significant other, as of Friday night.

They’ve also begun to consume mainstream media without discrimination and with more appetite than we’ve seen in a while. I’m alarmed by this but at least they’re curious.

The first debate. A Clash of Titans.

Campaign season officially and unoffiicially started September Twenty Six, the day of the first confrontation.

There was record viewership of the conventions, but it really begins with the first debate. I’ve been watching this thing and writing about it for two years. If you’re at all like me, you understand where I’m going with this. We are consistent in our responsibility to pay attention. We have tracked and monitored candidates from all parties and given no quarter to those who run off the rails.

Here comes the great unwashed.

I nailed The Pantsuit over and over with one of those guns that actually shoot nails. Very cool invention.

Optimistically and with unfounded enthusiasm I supported Kucinich. I knew he wouldn’t last but I wanted him to get as far as his little heart could. A bright and honest man. The Little Paste Eater. Then it was Edwards because of his sincere populist message. He championed the poor. Another good and bright man, this time with an assload of charisma. Oh well.

He turned out to be a dick, not for what he did, but for what he didn’t do. Honesty. He even lied to himself.

I’ve always liked Obama, but having been the poster child for unrealistic expectations in past elections, you can perhaps understand my reluctance. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama. Forgive me, but a name like that at a time like this?

I wrote with conviction a year and a half ago that this man although gifted, had not a hope in hell. That was my belief.

What happened next was extraordinary. It was an all star season at the DNC. He not only prevailed over a field of excellent candidates, he went toe to toe with the Clinton Juggernaut and handed them their ass on a bone china platter garnished with new potatos and parsley. Awesome. Don’t you dare question his balls.

Whipping the Clintons, when Hills would NOT let go, is a bigger feat for a Democrat, a more formidable task for an African American male Democrat, than for anyone of the Republican hopefuls. It bears pointing out that they were all losers. McCain did turn out to be the best they had. Sheezus.

If after the debate, you were disappointed by the lack of punches thrown, I understand. But you need to know that we have a man that is smarter than us again. Elitist. Bigots and racists say uppity. More intelligent. He’s roughly my age but he’s so much smarter. He knows what he’s doing.

He could be really good you know. The best choice you have ever been afforded unless you are old enough to have voted for JFK or RFK. If you voted for either of them, you’re probably with me here.

Time to pay attention. 9/11 happened on this watch. This economic venting of radiation and the subsequent meltdown, predicted and predictable. Happening on this watch. Same watch. These guys suck. They’re fucking clowns. This is blind, shithouse absurd.

I didn’t realize it but there’s a part two of Couric’s interview of Palin tomorrow night. Oh boy. It is sad indeed that in the same election a woman sought and almost secured her party’s nomination for President, another woman comes along as a running mate for the other party. Actually, there’s nothing unfortunate about that at all. What is damn near heart rending is that the former was an intelligent capable woman with experience and the latter can best be sketched with one word. Bimbo.

You know what? Republicans are idiots.

And here’s another big deal. The surface and the subterranean, the face and the bone and muscle beneath this electorate are far different than anything we have ever seen in a national election. How many turn out and who they are, is and will be a wildcard of historic proportion. The youth vote. The previously disenfranchised who are now pissed, the cell phone generation. The cultural groundswell. SNL has parodied, brutally, the McCain campaign in one way or anther for the last three weeks. See, no current model takes this data into account.

It’s a wild ass card and it could be huge.

I have a crack team of analysts on the case. We’ll get back to you on this.

Drinks for my friends

We would do well to understand that the entire world wants Our Man to be President.

It behooves us to understand why. Why they will breathe a sigh of relief once Barack Obama is elected is something we should be keenly aware of. We need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that the interest of the world in our political process is a bad thing.

Why would we think that anyway?

The rest of earth’s people are watching, more than ever before and that’s a very good thing. A very important thing.

See America, this election is far larger than us. The planet is holding it’s breath.

So am I.

Understand that these traditional divisions by which we so willingly seperate ourselves no longer matter. Red or blue, conservative vs. liberal, are concepts that have become obsolete. Barack Obama is an American. He is a citizen of the world. Just like you. Just like me.

This is what the global community hopes we will arrive at. The rest of the world has long since held the competition between our conflicting ideologies to be silly. What wiser Americans hope can be put behind us, is what Our Man said “enough” to tonight.

He had plenty else to say but that’s a chunk of what I got.

Forgive me for being not so concerned about specific positions and pontification on policy when it comes to a campaign speech. He acquitted rather aggressively in that regard and I liked it. In Doubtfire’s face. Right in his pasty sour little face.

Those things however, are better suited to the personal task of actually READING what the candidates have to say on specifics. The onus is still on the individual to do a little homework. Sorry kids, required reading is of both candidates. Think of it as your civic duty; because it is.

Sometimes, someone comes along. That someone ends up being exactly what we need. JFK, MLK and yes LBJ. It happens because of the need instead of the someone. A result of the circumstance as opposed to the man. That’s what Our Man wants us to comprehend. It is a concept that we must go beyond understanding. We need to own it.

He’s trying to tell us it’s not him, it’s us.

What he asks of us is not just to elect him. What he asks is that upon getting that done, we join him in making things right. He is challenging us to help, while he leads. To stand against a military industrial complex that holds an entire planet in it’s grip. To speak truth to power and wield common sense for the common good against plutocracy, theocracy and ideology.

He’s imploring us to pay attention and to participate.

There are two parts to his message. Elect him as a leader and then follow him.

And, maybe get on with the most important task of saving us all.

Boys and girls, better times are ahead if we will only stop being afraid and take matters into our own hands. Stop allowing a media run amok to dictate what you think. Start paying attention and begin to make up your own minds.

“And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.”

“It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.”

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

That’s poetry.

Absolutely had to go there.

Drinks for my friends.

The progressive blogosphere is ablaze today with speculation and outright dismay over Our Man Obama’s shuffle to the middle. The conventional wisdom is that it’s bad form and smacks of pandering to a demographic that had little to do with his nomination.

I wish I could disagree. I can’t. Thus far I can only manage disappointed, disillusioned and frustrated.

Our Man needs to take a breath and re-examine hisself. The man who’s gotten this far and why. He was different, brave and sincere. We believed him. We were inspired because he was exactly what we wanted. He’s what we desperately needed.

I nearly wept on March 18, as Our Man was expected to deliver a mea culpa over the Reverend Wright conflagration, but instead delivered the most courageous, eloquent, powerful and intellectually honest treatise on race I’ve ever witnessed in my life. That man touched my heart and appealed profoundly to my sensibilities.

The man I imagined as leader of my country.

The man who dismissed a suspension of the gas tax for what it was; a gimmick. The man who pronounced the war a mistake before we began it. Than man who didn’t break a sweat as he assumed the role of David against the Goliath that was the Clinton machine. The man who packed stadiums and with every soaring speech imbued us with ever more optimism and hope. The man who can call McCain on the carpet on every major issue and land firmly on the right side of all of them. The man who if true to his word, stands a reasonable chance at being among the handful of truly great American Presidents by affecting change on a scale we haven’t been allowed to aspire to since JFK.

That is the man I imagined as leader of my country.

Politicspeak defines his actions as some sort of “triangulation” to focus on and court “swing voters”. I define it as bullshit and it troubles me immensely. I gotta tell ya, this FISA thing is close to breaking my heart.

Mr. Obama, don’t do this to us. Despite copious and chronic voter fraud, the last two Democrats lost their bid for the White House because they were too cautious. They listened to handlers and advisers. Too willing to play to the middle when challenged by the Dick-in-Bush juggernaut for being dangerously liberal or weak.

Guess what? They were exactly that. Pussies, both of them.

We were all hoping you weren’t a pussy.

It didn’t work for them and it will backfire far more viciously on you for cultivating our most sincere dreams of a better, more responsible government. An American people better off and in a safer world. Cleaner. Less war. A lot less war. A reinvigoration of the middle class by maybe reversing the concentration of wealth? Perhaps with new green industries and a renewed concentration on infrastructure? A change in the tax code? A robust middle class is the key to a sound economy, you know.

We have chosen you as the best man, from a formidable field, to do this thing. We’re not here to fuck around.

I’m hoping this roar behind you continues. Even if you insist on losing your way, perhaps the roar of the people will show you the map, your map, and you’ll get right again.

Absent that, we’ll still get you in, but we’ll pound the shit out of you every day until you do the right thing. Worst case scenario, you abandon who and what gave you the keys to the universe and you’ll have to work even harder than Jimmy Carter to repair your legacy of failure.

Pay us now or pay us later. Just don’t fuck with us.

Drinks for my friends.

That’s what we call it. I began utilizing the action (?) as an alternative to the more customary handshake while doing trade shows a handful of years ago.

I’m a little bit of a germaphobe and it seemed an appropriate way to avoid sweaty hands, urine and booger residue. This one guy, big account in the midwest, could throw thirty to fifty thousand our way on a single order. Cool guy. Chronic hyperhidrosis.

He pretty much inspired me to join the cult of the “TERRORIST FIST JAB”.

I’m also a fan of what I call “ass gaskets”. I’m loathe to use a public restroom but I’m a pretty regular guy, if you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

I apologize to all of America for engaging in such blatant and overt support of killing the innocent and subverting Christian dogma. Not only am I a fool, but a patsy as well. I’ve been duped.

I saw that speech where that married couple who might be muslim terrorists did the dreaded “TERRORIST FIST JAB”. I saw it live. I’m ashamed. At the time I thought it was cool. His kinda hot wife gave her man knuckles.

We Americans are so naive and I’m not exempt. What I processed as a simple, perhaps somewhat hip gesture, was really a well understood signal by a pair of evil doers to the evil doers of the world to do more evil.

This is old news to some of you but I just happened onto this raging controversy today. My friend and sometimes sugar momma mentioned it as we jaywalked to my apartment after she sprung for sushi and beer.

“During the June 6 edition of Fox News’ America’s Pulse, host E.D. Hill teased an upcoming discussion by saying, “A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently.” In the ensuing discussion with Janine Driver — whom Hill introduced as “a body language expert” — Hill referred to the “Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound,” adding that “people call it all sorts of things.” Hill went on to ask Driver: “Let’s start with the Barack and Michelle Obama, because that’s what most people are writing about — the fist thump. Is that sort of a signal that young people get?” At no point during the discussion did Hill explain her earlier reference to “a terrorist fist jab.” -crooksandliars.com

Mirror mirror on the wall, who be the most simple minded jingoistic network of all?

This is the silliest shit I’ve ever seen. Color me fucking dumbfounded.

The lowest watermark in public discourse I’ve ever witnessed. That there isn’t widespread outrage over it is definitive proof that we are a nation of dumbasses. I heard on Stewart tonight that only one in seven Americans can find Iraq on a map.

We have managed to elevate a fine man all the way to the contest for President of this once great country. He is perhaps the finest to run for that office in almost half a century.

Fox news can suck a fart out of my ass.

Drinks for my friends.

Those of you that have been reading me for awhile, may recall that my take on the last State of The Union was titled “No babies in garbage disposals”. A not so subtle nod towards the populist pablum. Tonight was more of the same.

He still insisted on mispronouncing ‘nuclear’ six or seven times and stubbornly whipped the deceased equine carcass of social security, or “entitlements” in the euphemistic vernacular of the neocons. Fuck that. Social Security is not an entitlement. We pay in when we are young, it pays out when we are old.

More pointless and baseless saber rattling at Iran. Way Too many Democrats hauling asses out of seats for this particular round of applause. Sheezus.

I feel like an eight year old. I was bored and really, I just don’t give a mad fuck what Dumbya has to say anymore. He may still be dangerous, but his irrelavance metastasizes by the hour.

I found more intrinsic entertainment in the shifts of smirk Cheney wore behind Dumbya’s right shoulder. I was amused by the Republican lockstep of standing ovations.

C’mon you pinheads, you’ve got be fucking kidding me.

Perhaps it’s irresponsible and lazy, but to counter the address point by point would be futile and didactic. If you don’t realize how full of shit he is by now, you never will. Like I said, I just don’t care.

On a far more interesting note, Obama collected the endorsement of Senator Ted Kennedy as well as a glowing op-ed in the New York Times yesterday titled “A President Like My Father” written by Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, in case you didn’t know. Now this, is heavy.

The momentum that Obama is gathering is formidable. Although still very early, it is of a brand that could thwart the Clinton Machine. Wow. A certain degree of credit goes to Barack himself. He’s demonstrated a not so simple grace in allowing the Clintons to make themselves look bad. Zen judo. Awesome.

Time to take a walk John. Don’t go too far.

Goddamn Super Tuesday will roar at us I hope.

Drinks for my friends.

60 Minutes has been the best show on network television for a lot longer than I can remember.

My least favorite crew member has always been Scott Pelley. Ever since he clumsily hammered Ahmadinejad when he visited last year, my disdain for him has swollen. He lacks suspension of disbelief. Seems like a dipshit sometimes.

I like that Anderson Cooper has joined. I’m thinking he should be Crew Chief of The Month. Brass rectangle added to the plaque and all.

I miss Ed Bradley. He was the coolest.

I realize that Pelley was probably put up to it by some CBS swine executive for mere schadenfreude. I still loathe him for it. It was dishonest on a global level.

Anyway, Prick JR. parked one tonight with his interview of George Piro. Mr. Piro was our government’s lead interrogator of Saddam Hussein. Absolutely compelling and fascinating. Enough for me to realize I was mouth breathing. What a coup for The Columbia Broadcasting System.

It was excellent TV; that’s all I’m saying.

Now. As you now know, Mr Obama prevailed spectacularly in South Carolina last night. My skirt is lifted by this gust of change.

I said early on that a black man with a last name that rhymes with Osama and a middle name that is Hussein, has virtually no chance of being President of The United States of America. I said that because I believed America to be sicker than she was.

I’m happy to be wrong. Very happy to be wrong.

There is a very tangible possibility that America will soon have it’s first Black President. I’m excited about this because it may just mean that American heads and hearts aren’t where I thought they were. Could it be these dark days were catalyst enough for some general epiphany?

Could this just be the right man for the right time?

I am happy to be wrong.

Let me just say this. We know know that MLK wasn’t perfect and JFK was barely able to maintain orbit. Then there’s Big Bad Bill. Bill was not your run of the mill house afire. I don’t give a mad fuck about that kinda shit.

I am concerned about Barack’s potential for efficacy. I’m not concerned about Hillary’s. She’ll get shit done. I worry about just how and where and what, however.

I digress. I am pleased and excited. Good stuff going on in America and I’m confident it’s indicative of an improving state of mind and over all better mental health.

Every effort has been made to slam our minds shut for the better part of eight years and a great many succumbed. Despite all that, we seem to be waking. Minds seem to be opening.

This man Obama can certainly be the wind to blow piss back into the faces of the complacent, apathetic and ignorant. The greedy and the powerful.

Make no mistake, if America elects this man, the entire world will exhale and relax a little. They will. That’s what I’m talking about.

I can’t know how well he would govern us. But he is smart, wise and confident. I am impressed. He is as real as they get on a stage so elevated.

For what it’s worth, George W. Bush is real too, he’s just really stupid.

Drinks for my friends.