Archive for the ‘Maverick’ Category

A little levity to get us started. Salt to taste.

What’s black and white and red all over and has trouble getting through revolving doors? McFuckstain dressed as a penguin with a spear through his head, or Moosewoman, harpooned, but dressed as a nun.

No worries, they probably know about me.

Colbert has Yo Yo Ma tonight. Wasn’t but a month or so ago he had Rush. A few weeks ago, James Taylor and last week, Wynton Marsalis. Colbert doth flirt with the boundaries of cool.

The Yo Yo Ma performance inspired me to imagine a meat tenderizing hammer or a small cheese grader against my taint. I guess they played well but there wasn’t a balanced distribution of wealth. I mean frequencies. It was shrill. The interview was good though.

Ok. Onto it.

News reports say Palin is going “rogue”.

Internecine drama. Cocky up in here. Doesn’t like the way she’s been “handled”. Unhappy about her (National) rollout, Doubtfire aides quoted calling her a “diva”. This is rich. Proof in my mind of her inability to function in almost any enviroment that includes gravity. She sucks. She’s stoopid. Doesn’t get it at all.

Give her a show.

McCain’s aged ineptitude is now neon. Pyroclastic. Cool word. Poor judgement. Rash stupidity. Pandering and intellectual dishonesty. Unmindful patronizing of you and I. Adult Diapers.

The entire Republican party is a ship of fools. Consider who’s been jettisoned. It’s a list. DeLay, Frist, Santorum, Rumsfeld, Rove, Gonzales, Abramoff, Whitman, McClellan, Card, Fleischer, Ashcroft, Bremer, Brown, Libby and Powell. Just getting started………

Paul O’Neill, Franks, Richard Clark, Whitman, Foley, Larry Craig, Tenet……….

A promenade of pimps, punks, pedophiles, perverts and pirates. Sheezus, fuck me, there ought to be a law.

Snap!

Just today, Ted Stevens, slime festooned Senior Senator from Alaska (it’s a country full of rednecks way up north and a little to the west), was handed his horribly disfigured ass in a greasy paper sack with a side of leaking coleslaw and cold fries. That’s right, he was convicted on seven counts of felony corruption. Longest serving Senator in history. Prick.

Our Man drew over one hundred thousand supporters yesterday in Colorado. Five times the population of my hometown when I started school. I believe his largest domestic crowd so far. He’s on fire.

Doubtfire counted three thousand just three days ago in the very same city.

Still, it’s a contest. It is in their very best interest to keep it interesting.

There is no longer any doubt in my mind we are looking at the next President of the United States of America. My fate and yours is now inextricably linked to Barack Hussein Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid and the infamous Nancy Pelosi.

It’s a package deal kids, and not without expensive luggage.

With the exception of the inevitable egregious fuckery and malfeasance, which will occur on one level or another, the only thing standing in our way is ourselves. It is up to us. Entirely.

If the worst should happen, if there should be an attempt on justice a third time, well then, we should be prepared to take to the streets. They need to own that we will rise up. The third time is indeed the charm. There will be no theft. The people will decide. One way or The other.

Were it to happen, look for a movement of actual people similiar in size and strength to the inverse of current financial woes as compared to the S&L crisis of the late eighties. Sorry. In other words, tenfold. People are pissed. America’s malaise has grown on that scale for almost eight years now, any pushback will be at least as formidable. Both parties will participate.

“Fair warning Lord, don’t strike that poor boy down” -DLR

I honestly don’t anticipate such a scenario, but I’m quite prepared to go from outspoken to full blown activist. There are millions and millions ready to bust the same move. The broken Republican machine has not a prayer, not a hope in hell. You all know the trouble I’ve seen.

Step aside. Our Man is winning in unlikely states and enjoying a contest in others that haven’t considered a Democrat in decades.

Common citizens on the verge of prevailing. Joe the Plumber my ass. I think I saw an ignorant redneck.

Reality has a liberal bias. Liberals have a reality bias. There’s a healthy amount of gorgeous symmetry, given the context of American history, that a man half African and half Caucasian, is ripe to be our next President and the next leader of the free world.

There will be optimism again.

Actually, a man who will excite a sigh of relief from the world and arouse a sense of hope, even in people who hate us. Even in people who hate us.

Letterman’s got Bill O’Reilly, so I gotta wrap this up. Vote. Unless you’re stupid. Tell the boss you gotta vote and just go to Starbucks or Taco Bell or whatever if you haven’t been paying attention. Don’t shit in the river you fool.

Brainspank sees odds as nine to one for Barack Hussein Obama.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m a proud American. I’m a patriot. Love it or leave it. Don’t you dare criticize. What other reason could you possibly have for objecting to wiretapping and surveillance unless you got something to hide?

Hell, I ain’t worried.

Like I said, I’m a patriot and I love my country.

Fisa can blow me, it always goes south when appointed judges stick their progressive dicks in it. Liberal judges legislating from the bench are not needed in these circumstances. Our government is just trying to protect us. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re there for.

If you can’t trust them, who can you trust?

Liberals need to relax while patriots can feel good about it.

Sure, I smoked a little dope when I was younger, beat up the occasional sissy. That was years ago. I’m a Born Again, so I love everybody now. I say let people do what they want. Within reason. Less government.

Dangerous times call for extreme measures and there’s no more dangerous times than now. The Arabs and the terrorists hate us for our freedom and want to kill us. Islam is a violent and hateful religion. They’re all crazy, you can’t talk to them. Fucking ragheads. Why don’t they just leave us alone? What did we ever do to them?

If it ain’t Communism it’s some Godless sandnigger religion. They say Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim. It wouldn’t suprise me. He’s the most liberal member of the Senate you know. He’s friends with terrorists who would kill our own. Sounds to me like he’s one cousin removed from hating America.

What are people thinking? A black Muslim terrorist for President? Over my dead body. It’s why there’s that amendment that let’s us keep our guns. He wants to spread the wealth and that’s socialism. It’s pinko. Every American has the same opportunity, depends on what you do with it.

God created us equal, it says so in the Bible.

Don’t come to me if you’re a crack smoking welfare mom. I work. Don’t cry to me about your son getting involved in gangs. Get him a job. Put his ass to work. I work for a living.

Some of my good friends are blacks. Nice people but I didn’t own them or beat them. What do they want from me? It just so happens, they’re black and I’m white. It’s like I should regret being caucasian. Why should I feel guilt for the way I was born?

If you ask me, the only way to solve the mess is to nuke the whole Godforsaken region. Turn all that sand into glass. Iran too. Let God sort ’em out. Trust in God.

Goddamn right we need change. We’re in a real crisis. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Outsourcing. Fuckin gas through the roof. Liberals want to blame the white man. The American businessman. Good honest Christians who are being taxed and regulated to death for just trying to make a buck and go to church on Sunday in decent clothes.

Leave these people alone so they can create jobs and save this country. They are heroes. They deserve and need that tax break.

All these foreigners need to speak American. Say the Pledge every day including “under God” and respect our God, the one this great nation was founded on. A Christian God.

Why is that too much to ask? A little respect, you know? This is the greatest country in the world. Take off your hat and put your hand over your heart when our anthem gets played.

Call me a redneck, I don’t care because maybe that’s what I am. I love my country and I love Jesus Christ. He was a carpenter you know.

I gotta tell ya just because “Joe The Plumber” isn’t a plumber and his name’s not Joe and he can’t afford to buy the business he works for, doesn’t mean he isn’t Joe Sixpack and a regular American with the same problems we all have.

The Bible says an eye for an eye and that’s why abortion doctors sometimes reap what they’ve sown. I don’t condone it but I understand. Even if it’s rape, it’s not up to us to decide. I mean, a life is a life. The bible says so. Unless of course, if that life has taken another, or sold dope, or is a traitor or a terrorist. Face it, what better deterrent is there than the death penalty?

People should understand that we’ll kill them if they screw up in America. Justice should be swift and mighty. Every war, including this one we’re in now, is for justice and truth and democracy. Even when it’s really hard, America does the right thing. Always.

You know, W. is a good man. He made a few mistakes. All Presidents do. Nobody’s perfect. He cares about us. I feel it. He’s a good man. I’d really like to have a beer with him. I bet he’s friendly and regular. Cheney’s a little spooky but he’s just the brains of the operation.

So whatever about the gays. It’s a choice and there are consequences. We all pay a price for bad decisions and that’s one of the great things about America. Accountability. No way will this American stand for faggots who want to soil the Christian institution of marriage. It’s holy and sacred. Can’t you people just leave it alone? What difference could it possibly make in their lives and their futures?

It’s a symbol. That’s why they want it so bad. It’s just silly.

Show me a homosexual and I’ll show you a liberal. Wanna bet?

It’s like they think it will make them legitimate somehow. Uh, not in the eyes of this patriot.

In a lot of ways, it’s like the French. We saved their asses in The Big One. What have they ever done for us besides sneer and act like we’re bullies and brutes? Overcharge us for wine and cheese. Ingrates. Why do we bother?

Those countries that sell their oil to the Chinese instead of us; it might be time to introduce them to the United States Navy.

McCain fought to save us from communism. He’s got my vote because he’s a genuine hero. This Sarah Palin is sassy and real and they’re both mavericks. I like that. I don’t care how smart Obama is. That’s not was this is about. I’ve always been suspicious of book learning as opposed to street smarts. This guy Obama eats arugula and fish eggs. He went to Harvard. I think his wife did too.

Tea with a pinky out.

By the way, Michelle Obama has been ashamed of America. Only recently proud. Can you believe this shit? Now what does America, the best country in the world, have to be ashamed of?

You know what else bothers me? What does it say to the rest of the world if America elects an African American Muslim for President? The world respects us. We are the example. America is the bar. There’s a ton of responsibility there and we’re gonna be held accountable.

The one thing I can agree with the liberals about is the idea that this country has it’s head in the shitter.

We can’t afford this second guessing and insecurity when it comes too choosing our leaders. A man with over two decades in the Senate. A man who’s crashed four airplanes and is still with us. A woman who shoots moose. A woman who’s been both Mayor and Governor of the wilderness. Both these Americans are patriots.

A woman who doesn’t break a sweat while spending more than twice what most American’s make in a year on two months worth of clothes. She wants to look good for us.

A man who’s not afraid to call his wife a “cunt” in public.

Drinks for my friends.