Archive for the ‘Fags’ Category

I hardly know where to begin.

Just when I think the army of ignorant, mouth breathing retards who oppose all things Obama, consistently and without grace or agility and discrepant against their very own interests, cannot possibly get anymore hypocritically and incoherently shrill, well, they pull down their pants, run around screaming, shitting and pissing themselves.

Now these roundheads are encouraging their children to skip school on Tuesday to save their fragile minds from some evil socialist indroctination by the President of The United States.  You can’t write this shit.

My old friend Gabby put it this way:  “Don’t worry kids, Obama’s not gonna ask you to procreate or practice loading your 45s.  He just gonna ask you to do your homework, which I guess from the conservative stand point, is a horrible thing.  Ok, so all you Republican Kids, just go back to your unprotected sex and guns.”
-Gabrielle Birchack

Racism, ignorance, stupidity and fear are alive and well in America.  It reminds me of leaving wet food as a treat for the warehouse cat at work, only to discover the bowl squirming and glistening with maggots the next morning.  I remember my disappointment and nausea inducing disgust vividly.  It was summer and I was a little saddened that my gesture had been so perverted by some of earths lowest creatures.

Well, it’s summer.

They would have us believe and likely believe themselves, that health care reform will:

1) Ration care, deny treatment to the elderly based on whether a government death panel deems them worthy and deserving.  It will do neither.  Um, by the way, health care is rationed rather egregiously in America today.  Weeks, sometimes months for an appointment with your doctor if you have insurance.  Automated phone voices instruct us that in the event of an emergency, meaning care is needed any more urgently than say, a month, hang up and call 911.  The chances of your insurance paying for the specific treatment, prescription etc. that you and your doctor have agreed is most efficacious is as low as sixty percent in many cases.  People have died and are dying as a result of the insurance company coming between patient and doctor.

Sounds like rationing to me.  It’s not just the uninsured that are going bankrupt or literally dying.  Sounds like death and or bankruptcy panels to me.

2) All illegal aliens, undocumented workers et al. will be automatically covered at our expense.

Guess what?  They already are.  They, as well as uninsured Americans go to an emergency room, as there are laws in all fifty states mandating that no one be turned away from emergency rooms.  We pay for it in higher costs across the board.  It should be noted, there is no provision in any of the bills in committee, that provide for care to illegals.

3) This is just the first step in a government take over of health care.

My first reaction is so what?  We’re the only modern industrialized nation without it and the wealthiest.  Contrary to the opposition’s chronically mendacious bloviating, those people in those other countries are quite happy with the care they receive.  Perfect?  No.  Would they choose to do without it?  In a word, nofuckingway.  Then, the fact that Medicare and Medicaid are tremendously popular in this country, despite both programs being entirely administrated by the government and the appearance that most of the opposition are willfully ignorant of this, reveals the argument to be specious on it’s face.

They use Stephen Hawking as example of someone who would never survive socialized medicine, despite socialized medicine being the best and only reason Mr. Hawking is still with us.  They are full of shit.  Idiots.  Empty blowhards.  Liars.

The stated goal is to increase efficiency and foster competition to bring down costs and end the chronic, unchecked avarice of the insurance and drug industries.

Every year, insurance company profits go up, premiums go up and the the number of insured goes down.  Remember, one way or another, despite the rampant suffering, it’s you and me who pay for those uninsured whether we like it or not.  Some estimates have the price of health insurance requiring half the median income of Americans within ten years.  Are you ready for $20,000.00 plus premiums?

4) We can’t pay for it.

I will admit, this perhaps their most legitimate protest.  But first, I say to you who would tout it, so what?  Remember Reagan spewing the nonsense of tax cuts to none other than our children during a period of double digit inflation, interest rates and unemployment?  Remember your icon telling us that deficits don’t matter?  So why do you care?  Why all of the sudden are you so ardently in favor of fiscal responsibility?  Why so vehemently concerned about the price our children will pay?  I smell political opportunism.  I smell hypocrisy.  You folks stink of intellectual dishonesty.  You folks reek of goddamn stupidity.

I’m a firm believer that increases in efficiency and a slim tax increase on those who’ve prospered so plenteously the last eight years will go a very long way towards funding a program that will improve the life of virtually every American.  Failing that, let me say this very plainly, we could opt to spend somewhat less than the near trillion dollars we spend each and every year to kill brown people overseas.  It’s just that simple.  Kill less brown people and foment life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all of us, including the brown people.  

The fact is, that without a robust public option to not only cover the 50 million who have fallen through the the cracks, but to obviate the greed and vacuum of compassion of the status quo, any “reform” legislation is antithetical and more than likely worse than nothing at all.

See, it will fail to incentivise competition and nothing will change. The simplest and most comprehensive as well as comprehensible way to do this is expand Medicare appropriately.  A walk in the park.

As to the trigger idea that has surfaced of late, I’m calling bullshit on that.  Ostensibly, it would give insurance companies a few more years to clean up their act before a public option would be implemented.  It won’t work.  The dirty greedy bastards will conduct business as usual at best, daring the powers that be to do what they haven’t been able to do for half a century anyway.  A pretty safe bet on their part.  At worst, they will go for broke, wring us all dry in the time allowed, take the money and run, much like the Bush administration and it’s corporate cronies did with everything including the war, leaving a gigantic mess, nearly beyond repair.  For eight years it was open field running for the plutocracy under Dick-in-Bush.  It’s insane to think they’d behave any differently under the same circumstances.  These people care far less about you than your government and that’s a mouthfull.

The real reason for such virulent opposition to health care reform is that it is literally the first, and therefore most important, domino to be tipped.  Should it lose it’s center of gravity, the horror show that is the great unwashed will be subject to any socialist whimsy we in the majority see fit to impose on their jingoistic, empty headed sloganeering asses.

We may choose to prevent bloody mass murders by over armed nut jobs by pressing for incrementally better gun control.  No, we’re not interested in taking your fucking guns away, even though you dress ridiculously to kill defenseless animals.  We may seek to at least make sure that creationism can’t be taught exclusively, but mandate that evolution at least be offered along side it.  We may just, *gasp*, insist that gay people be treated fairly under all aspects of law, including marriage.

The prerogative to get all bold and righteous will be upon us.

We might legalize the demon weed, in order to tax it, better regulate it and keep it out of the hands of teenagers.  Legalize hemp production and we’ve got oil, paper, textiles, plastics, even high protein food, all renewable in twelve weeks, no pesticides and no detrimental environmental impact whatsoever.  We may push to stop imprisoning all non violent drug offenders because we currently incarcerate more people per capita than any country on earth at $30k per.  You can bet we’ll pursue green industry more aggressively because even if we’re wrong about global warming, and we’re not, there’s nothing wrong with cleaning up the water we all drink and the air we all breath.

Our sun vomits more energy in an hour than we use in a millennium.  Might as well work that shit.  It’s free beyond the technology to collect it.

The whole human race can survive without war.

The churches will have to endure a renewed and vigorous scrutiny.  The message will be, get the hell out of and stay the hell out of politics or your considerable largess will be taxed.  Oh, and maybe, just maybe some real and actual campaign finance reform.  I’m getting carried away here but I hope I’ve scared the living shit out of all you neocons and thoughtless, unpatriotic, yes unpatriotic, dittoheads and obsequies followers of Hannity, Beck and O’Reilly.  Let’s be honest, you’re already scared shitless because a half African American, progressive Democrat is your President.

We know why you show up to town halls armed to the teeth.  It’s because you’re stupid and scared.  We’re not at all impressed.

The opposite also applies, should the first all important domino fail to be moved off it’s axis by the will of the people and a pantywaste full majority Democratic administration, any subsequent metaphorical monoliths will be twice as hard to encourage toward a capitulation to gravity.  We will be left with an administration weaker than that of Jimmy Carter and a better than even chance our next president will be some empty headed dipshit like Sarah Palin or crazy eyed Michele Bachmann (God will have whispered in her ear).

This is the first fight and it’s the most important because of the obvious and enormous precedent.  They know it on a sub-genius level almost as well as we do.  Get involved.  Contact your representatives, sign petitions.  You want change you can believe in?  Get up and get out.  This is no time to fuck around.

Drinks for my friends.

Today the DOJ, in support of the DOMA  (Defense Of Marriage Act), issued a brief using language invoking pedophilia and incest, eerily reminiscent of the vituperation vomited by the religious right ad nauseum since the dawn of the cerebral cortex.

Puns intended.

So much for change.

I don’t care if Obama was aware of this or not.  The only acceptable action here is swift, unambiguous refutation.  Obama and his administration need to get in front of this crap like yesterday.  It’s not just bullshit, it’s madness.  Best case scenario is Obama talking about this before I get out of bed.  The time difference alone gives him a hell of a head start.  Time to show me something Mr. Fierce Defender.

Enough.

Let this pass at your peril.  Hope will turn to doubt.

While we’re on the subject of Our Man, I was none too thrilled by the glaring omissions in his remarks in front of the AMA today.  It was a good speech, but no substantive reckoning that big pharma and big insurance are hopelessly infected by avarice and therefore ground zero for reform and regulation.  No mention of what an inefficient, bureaucratic clusterfuck the FDA is.  These items are at the very root of the problem and no reform has a chance at efficacy without force being brought to bear on them.

Blowing up balloons with holes in them.

The sad truth lies in the why.  Along with the AMA, pharmaceutical and insurance companies are championed by some of the biggest and most influential lobbying cabals in Washington.  If there were stars on K street or Pennsylvania Avenue like Hollywood Boulevard, two thirds of them would be dedicated to these filthy bastards.  For all you sniveling morons who live in such fear of communism, here is a bonafide  Red Menace for you.

Welcome to the plutocracy.  This thing is way bigger than just stubborn Republicans.

Along with energy, campaign finance reform and the military industrial complex, these are the windmills I expect Our Man to be tipping.  That’s why I voted for him.

We loves us some Bill Maher.  Maher said the other night in his New Rules segment:  “…..I’m glad that Obama is president, but the “Audacity of Hope” part is over. Right now, I’m hoping for a little more audacity”.

Me, I’m looking for those balls of zirconia  I thought I glimpsed on the campaign trail.  Dude, please don’t Jimmy Carter us.

Remember how I was pissing and moaning about pumps on lotion and soap bottles not long ago?  Well, for the record, adding water to any of the soap dispensing ones is pretty viable.

Sometimes I think all Americans are either corrupt or stupid.  Often both, but rarely neither.

Drinks for my friends.

Fuck that shit.  CHRISTIAN TERRORISM.

Timothy McVeigh was a domestic terrorist.

Whackjobs like Scott Roeder, who assassinated Dr. George Tiller yesterday in his own goddamn church, what should be a sanctuary, do so in the the name of their Christian God.  No surprise here that Roeder was a homophobe as well.  Christian Terrorist, nothing less.

Thank God I’m agnostic.  I crack me up.

“A man named Scott Roeder was convicted in 1996 of criminal use of explosives and sentenced to 24 months probation….” -CNN

Imagine this man was Muslim and he was known to stalk and then kill a Rabbi or a politician.  Think about it.  Really.

Like it or not, George Tiller was engaging in a legally protected activity.  Do these assholes really think these women simply wake up, watch an episode of Maury Povich and decide to seek a late term abortion as a matter of convenience?  I’m not even going to look it up, I’m confident that’s not the case.  Shut up, I will not entertain the issue.

Enter the glowering spectre of egregiously irresponsible “journalists” like Bill O’Reilly.  How much blood on his hands?

“Tiller, O’Reilly likes to say, “destroys fetuses for just about any reason right up until the birth date for $5,000.” He’s guilty of “Nazi stuff,” said O’Reilly on June 8, 2005; a moral equivalent to NAMBLA and al-Qaida, he suggested on March 15, 2006. “This is the kind of stuff happened in Mao’s China, Hitler’s Germany, Stalin’s Soviet Union,” said O’Reilly on Nov. 9, 2006″ -salon.com

As of today, no apologies from O’Reilly.  In it’s stead, Bill the pinhead offers that: “The far left is exploiting the death of [sic] Dr. Tiller to stifle any criticism of abortion.”  Note the euphemism “death of” in the the place of what should rightfully be “assassination”.  As though, “Tiller the Killer” some how expired or succumbed to natural causes.

There is no doubt in my mind that O’Reilly and his ilk are responsible in some degree for so recklessly fomenting the hate and fear for which such tragedies are an inevitable conclusion.  Inevitable, you douchebag.  Time to man up, you penisless reptile.  Do you imagine your useless vitriol to be without consequence?

To quote Snoop: “Fuck Bill O’Reilly.”

Man I hate these guys.

In other news, I’m thinking Sonia Sotomayor has benefitted  from the magic of rhinoplasty.  Good decision methinks.  She used to have a honker like a potato.  Seriously, she’s hot, smart and exotic, at least to me, self confessed trailer trash.  I’m saying that under the right circumstances, I’d hit that.

For the record, my current significant other is very smart and way hotter.

I gotta tell ya, I think Barack taking Michelle out for dinner and a show in New York is unbelievably cool.  He loves his wife and so do I.  Class and glamor.  A little Camelot for us all.  I am only able to muster a mere modicum of amusement at the FOX news talking heads invective over the cost of the outing.  Vainglorious and vituperatively disingenuous valor on part of their talking heads pretending to give a mad fuck over the expense to you, dear reader.  Did they complain, on your behalf, about Dumbya’s record amounts of vacation time to clear brush in Crawford?  I think not.

Assholes.

Man I hate these guys.

Drinks for my friends.

Cable is out. Chose not to pay the bill.

What people fail to understand is that Obama cannot afford to even address this issue of guns, to do so would ignite an already hot pile of insanity. These fucks, these crazy zealots, are lying in a puddle of their own excrement waiting for Obama to utter the words “gun control”. It will be an excuse for them to snap.

Patient but dumb.

Wouldn’t be prudent.

Most of you are just stupid enough to not understand how dangerous you are. It really bugs me.

Sorry boys and girls. The issue of guns will see no play this season. Understandably so methinks.

Unless assholes keep shooting shit up. Give it a rest already. I refuse to to fear this.

I got comic books on the brain. I bought a thousand bags & boards and five long boxes the other day. For the last three days I’ve bagged and boarded. Surreal. Amazing nostalgia. I adore comic book art. My collection is perfectly preserved. Exactly the way I left it. Beat up books are still beat up books, but pristine ones are still pristine.

Crazy. I touch each one as I place it on a board and manuever it into a bag and I remember reading them, almost everyone of them stirs something in my head and there’s over a thousand. Damn. They were gathered with care as well as abandon. As I rember them, I understand they have informed me as much as they are going to.

They are everywhere in my apartment now. Leaning or stacked, grouped by title. Huge swaths of Ironman, Spiderman, The X-Men, Daredevil, Avengers, Fantastic Four……The Flash, Superman, Batman, The Justice League……….Star Trek, Adam 12, Richey Rich, Zoro and Archie……Boris Karloff, Ripley’s……….Swamp Thing, an assload of MAD magazines, Heavy Metal, Conan and Epic.

An amazing historical capsule. Late sixties to early eighties. The breadth and diversity of my collection affords me permission to brag and be proud because I was a child when I assembled it.

My folks are heros for packing them, storing them and delivering them to me when I bought my first house.

The way they smell and the way they look and my absolute romance with them when I barely had opinion about anything. I began to obsess when I was twelve. I was twelve.

John Byrne, Jim Starlin, Chris Claremont, Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, Bernie Wrightson, Barry Windsor Smith, Frank Miller…… Jack Kirby

Life is so sticky I feel the need for a bath about every hour. Sign of the gypsy queen. As thick as an old Supertramp record.

Everything I ever did you could hear the fucking kick drum.

The kick drum is lichen on a boulder.

When I was a kid there was lichen on boulders.

Primus grooves way hard.

My sincere advice to you is to Sail the Seas of Cheese and clean your house.

A little Tommy The Cat will cure whatever ails ya. I’m also a spokesperson for Alka Seltzer and fragrant pinecones.

Anyway, today Michele “We’re Running Out Of Rich People In This Country” Bachman (R-MN), by far the biggest assclown in the US House of Represenatives, gracelessly attempted to infer that flu epidemics somehow only occur under Democratic administrations. See if you can follow her logic:

“I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter…….” -Huffington Post

The Human Shitsmear had this to say:
“[E]verywhere Obama is spreading Obamaism, there is a deadly disease taking place, either in the TARP community or in the newspaper business … Obama goes to Mexico — they have an earthquake. Obama goes to Mexico — get pig flu,” -wowwowwow.com

Awesome. Do the math. You’ve got an evil humanitarian and Nobel Peace Prize winning philanthropist, and our current President, a nefarious community organizer and two, count ’em two, outbreaks of flu related to pigs of all things. Oh, and, they’re both Democrats. I bet they used the same lab. It’s probably deep in the basement of some Red Cross shelter or maybe a Salvation Army thrift store.

Sheezus! That’s iron clad. A slam goddamn dunk! But wait. The original swine flu epidemic occured under Ford. I feel dizzy. I think I smell yellowcake uranium……my vision is clouded by pockmarks not unlike those littering the visage of George Tenet.

In late March 1976, President Gerald Ford emerged from a meeting with 27 health advisers with an ambitious request: “I am asking every man, woman and child in the country to get an inoculation this fall.” -dumpbachman.blogspot.com

It’s fair to say I love to loathe this woman. I adore her stupidity. I covet her retardation.

Why, just the other day she deigned to lecture Congress about Carbon Dioxide. She posited over and over that it’s a natural gas. She’s right about that but then so is the methane in my flatulence. What’s the point? She’s sure it can’t be bad for us because it’s from “nature”. She goes on to inform the esteemed deliberative body that there exists not a singly study proving this natural gas is harmful to humans. Five syllables Michele, asphyxiation.

She gives truth to the concept of failing upward:

In response to a question from host Chris Matthews, Bachmann said on the Oct. 17 show that she was “very concerned” that Obama “may have anti-American views” and that the news media should investigate the views of members of Congress. -Miami Herald

Hello McCarthy.

Then there’s Arlen Spector. Booya! I’ve always thought this guy to be inconsistent but obviously of his own mind. He confuses though not predictably. Maybe he actually has his own mind. Just can’t tell with these damn white collar tweekers.

Franken will get to sit and Spector makes sixty. A nice number. The Democrats, should they choose to act in concert, will have a majority immune to fillibuster. It’s something they rarely do regardless of whether they’re formidable or not. I’m not about a lockstep majority in the Senate but we need to be able to swing haymakers and roundhouses. Change won’t take unless we land some.

Homogeny is not a given among the jackasses.

Whatever. What these two stories point to is serious structural damage in the GOP. Take Mehgan McCain’s remarks:
“Karl Rove follows me on Twitter. That’s creepy, and ” Later, she wrote: “I can’t shake the fact that Karl Rove is following me-it can be creepy. So watch out.” and “Call it savvy marketing, but I find it disingenuous,” she said. “And it’s a bit weird to think his people-not even Rove himself-are following me.” -CNN

This thing will heat up. It will be a battle of the titans. Not so much between Democrats and Republicans but a contest between progressive and ignorant. Between smart and stupid if you will. Pro peace, pro choice, not fooled by creationism or abstinence, unafraid of gay people, tired of organized religion in our face rational humanists, versus desperately afraid war pigs that believe shit like Democrats are responsible for the fucking flu.

Guess who wins.

Drinks for my friends.

I have no problem with Miss California’s answer to the question put to her on same sex marriage. I disagree, but it was an honest answer. I don’t think she was particularly inarticulate; she was plain spoken and sincere. She did the best she could, I’m fine with it.

Having said that, I’ve long maintained that the legitimacy of same sex marriage fits succinctly and logically in the context of civil rights, obviously a much broader issue. I heard Dennis Prager say the other day that it can’t be a civil rights issue because there is no difference between a black man and a white man but there are profound differences between any man and any woman. It’s not an entirely weak point, he’s on the nose about substantial biological differences at least.

But that’s easy. And weak.

What a firebrand.

Maybe he wasn’t deliberatly being intellectually dishonest, but his argument is just that. I think it’s stupid. The most salient flaw being a presupposition that homosexuals choose to be homosexuals. I’m here to tell you that they do not. They will tell you the same. Individuals have no more control over who they are attracted in terms of gender, than they do over whether they end up with an innie or an outie.

Some of these things do go together.

I cannot wait for the day when science bears this out so people will shut the hell up about it or at least look ignorant.

I want to talk about the instructions posted at the trash chute.

I started to tear the laminated sheet from above the very well maintained, door to the trash chute. Right away I knew that was a mistake. I’m no longer twenty five years old. Stainless steel handle with a locking lever handy to your thumb.

If I ever get to design my own house, I’m going to include a dumbwaiter.

The Rules:

1) All trash bags must be placed inside the chute.

2) Do not leave trash bags on the floor.

3) Do not clog the chute. Use smaller bags.

4) Do not leave recycalable boxes or bags on the floor.

I have some observations I’d like to share. First, rule #2 is really just an extension of rule #1. What they are trying to tell me is to make sure I put my bags in the chute. In addition, they caution me that my bags are not welcome on the floor. In a sense, they posit that the only place for my bags, is the chute. Well, inside the chute.

I understand and agree with where they’re going with this. It’s the only place I really want to put my bags.

I’m a bit of a rebel but so far, there’s no conflict here.

I’m just a little troubled by how fucking stupid they must think I am or maybe how dumb the people around me are. It gives me pause.

I’m not looking to go in there swinging a Hefty sack full of holes, filled with yogurt, cat litter and rotting meat. Are they worried about that? I hope not. It’s this tiny little room just off the elevator.

I’m happy to follow the rules. They make sense.

Drinks for my friends.

I felt compelled to share this. It really is remarkable.

Steve Schmidt, former campaign manager for John McCain while speaking to Log Cabin Republicans today, had this to say:

“There is a sound conservative argument to be made for same-sex marriage,” Schmidt, who was McCain’s campaign manager, told the group. “I believe conservatives, more than liberals, insist that rights come with responsibilities. No other exercise of one’s liberty comes with greater responsibilities than marriage. In a marriage, two people are completely responsible to and for each other.”

He added: “If you are not willing to accept and faithfully discharge those responsibilities, you shouldn’t enter the state of matrimony, and it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if you’re straight or gay. It is a responsibility like no other, which can and should make marriage an association between two human beings more fulfilling than any other.” -CNN

Gorgeous. Eloquent, fluent and beautiful.

This kind of thinking and honesty is precisely what the Republican party owes America.

Yep, I said “owes”. Given the damage the Republicans have wrought the last three decades and particularly the last eight years, well, I feel they are beholdin’ to the rest of us.

Mr. Schmidt also had this to say:

“If you put public policy issues to a religious test, you risk becoming a religious party,” Schmidt declared. “And in a free country, a political party cannot be viable in the long term if it is seen as a sectarian party.” -Huffington Post

Hallelujah! Pun intended. Wow. This is one man who understands what the future of the GOP will look like if it has one. I am impressed. Social issues such as these, as opposed to those of policy, are our biggest divide. To table such concerns, might could be an envelope for allowing vibrant philosophical debate to once again rise to the watermark of legitimate. Without such violent and vigorous clouding and muddying of what is actually an important and vital set of issues, this country stands a real chance of moving forward and so then, does the rest of the planet.

America was never intended to be the world’s police anymore than it was to be the world’s moral arbiter. We’ve become mired and lost in that as a nation and have as consequence, lost our way on the world stage. It is exactly because of this that we are estimated by every other State to be anything from silly to hypocritical to lethally wreckless.

Guilty as charged. We are all of those things.

Far too long we’ve neglected tragedies that demand our attention and devoted it instead to situations that were barely our business. A lumbering giant, recklessly careening, who’s size and stature shrinks by the day.

A modicum of humility is therefore in order.

But wait, there’s more:

Hugo Chavez said to Obama today, “Eight years ago I greeted President Bush with this same hand. I’d like to be your friend.” -Fox News

Let the record show it was an interlocking opposable thumb shake. A ‘bro’ shake. I like this guy Chavez, he called Dumbya “The Devil”.

On Cuba, Obama said:

“decades of mistrust” must be overcome, but noted that he has already loosened restrictions that limited Americans from traveling to visit relatives in Cuba and from sending money to them.

Obama lifted all restrictions Monday on the ability of individuals to visit relatives in Cuba, as well as to send them remittances.

That may be just the beginning. “I am prepared to have my administration engage with the Cuban government on a wide range of issues — from human rights, free speech and democratic reform to drugs, migration and economic issues,” -CNN

This comes a day after Cuban President Raul Castro said he was prepared to discuss “everything, everything, everything” with the United States. -CNN

The neocons will no doubt bristle over this. I anticipate high comedy for my witness. Yet, this is the change we voted for. The one we Americans turned out in overwhelming numbers to endorse. We are beginning to understand that saber rattling is far from our only option. It’s stupid to assume that’s all we have to offer countries in our own hemisphere who pose no military threat to us whatsoever.

We could probably kick Venezuela’s and Cuba’s ass on any Thursday afternoon. That’s not the point.

The same way our opinions about our own citizens must change, so does our thinking about the rest of the world. Our bigotry and bias has led us to this precarious point in human history. America has within her reach, the potential to allow itself and the rest of humanity to progress beyond and above where we find ourselves now. If we can only learn to accept and tolerate a little more ourselves and then, the rest of the world.

See, I’m not here to endorse torture, terror, fascism, dictatorship or anything resembling. I’m trying to tell you that we’ve been going at this assbackwards. Archaic and absurd.

All good change comes from inside. We are all people, humans. We all bleed and suffer. It’s time to abandon the notion that to prevail, other humans must suffer and bleed.

Mr. Steve Schmidt has said and done a wonderful, cognizant thing.

Drinks for my friends.

We shall overcome.

The difference in hard numbers between those who voted against fair and equal rights for gays last time around and this time, prop. 8, is staggering. Encouraging.

20 plus points in two thousand as compared to four points this time. Talk about a shrinking violet. You thinking what I’m thinking? Do the math.

Progressives need to start pushing for a ballot initiative post haste. We need to get one on the ballot every election cycle. It’s a matter of time. The seismic upheaval we witnessed in this election has not begun to run dry of portent. Nope. As of this writing, it grows and gains strength. The downtrodden realize that their voice is legitimate and vital.

Fight fire with fire. Watch the jaws of the bigots drop as we push to put this issue on the ballot over and over until enough die off and allow us the majority we need for one of the last and most important civil rights issues to prevail.

Walk right out into a brand new day.

The tyranny of a majority is near to being obsolete.

The irony of Mormon culpability in all this rocks my planet. That these sick, sacred underwear wearing fucks, take it upon themselves to inject their archaic moral standards into modern American life is beyond audacious. What possible reason could such pious idiots have for the steaming hardon they brandish exclusively for homosexuals?

Just who the fuck do you think you are?

The extreme ends of their cult, the sick and disgusting fringe of their dogma, would make your average Southern Baptist blush and run to refill his flask. Revoke their tax exempt status for the role they played. They waded into politics and it should cost them. I’m sick and fucking tired of religion intruding into public policy and politics.

There is no religious bureaucracy in this country that isn’t guilty. They should all have their tax exempt status jerked away. I will tell you that the very idea religious institutions in this country deserve to enjoy any autonomy at all is ridiculous.

Money may be the root of all evil but money and religion are synonymous.

Tony Perkins from the Family Research Council is an asshole. He and his ilk are a dying breed. The racism and discrimination he and his organization espouse are near obsolete. I’m not reluctant to share with you that I despise this prick and all his misguided minions.

Organized religion is mankind’s single biggest mistake.

The single most positive thing human beings can accomplish in my lifetime is to walk away from this absurd idea of Santa in the sky.

“Two men say theyre jesus one of them must be wrong” -Mark Knopfler

Drinks for my friends.

How do we do this?

Sure, it was a landslide. By popular vote Our Man won by nearly ten million. Seven points separating him from Doubtfire. Look at the map, more blue than I’ve ever seen. America bleeds red, but her map has rarely been more blue. Indiana, North Carolina and Virginia? 364 electoral votes to 163. A thumpin’.

A shit sandwich on a week old hot dog bun with colonies of green and blue spores. No mayo no mustard, no lube whatsoever. The cheese is hard and sweaty. Flies.

In place is the single most imperative mandate I’ve witnessed in my adult life. For change. For hope. America is loud and clear. We’ve been offered this sandwich says She. We say, fuck this shit.

Torture, rendition, spying on our own without a warrant, indefinite incarceration, election fraud, preemptive war and aggression with nothing but bullshit justification, raids on the public coffers, Habeas Corpus rendered null and void, same deal for Posse Comitatus. A Constitution in tatters. It really does go on and on.

Here’s the sobering part. The reckoning.

Almost fifty nine million Americans voted for McCain. That many citizens of this country giving at least a tacit nod of approval by proxy for all this fuckery. Among them are bigots, racists, people with shitloads of money but without soul or conscience. The ignorant and the evil.

The scared.

We are still badly broken. Prop 8 passed in California. Racism and bigotry alive and well in this land of opportunity. How soon we forget. As recently as 1967, marriage between black and white was against the law in sixteen states. For those who would posit that the the law is the law and now constitutional, that we should let it be, succumb and surrender, I say piss up a fucking rope. I say this, because it is wrong.

Bitch slap: In california it was mormons and the minorities turning out for Obama who pushed prop 8 over the goddamn seawall. Narrow and deep irony. It’s a civil rights issue. Shame on you. Mormons are polluted by stupidity and ingnorance. Blacks and Latinos should be ashamed. Bad form. Hypocritical.

America is still profoundly fucked up.

History shows us that almost every worthwhile struggle starts at the bottom of a very steep hill. This one, no different. It will be ugly. Hearts and lives rent asunder along the way.

We’re no longer at the bottom. I can’t say how far we’ve come, but we are about to find out. Fascinating times. The paradigm shifts. Lava begins to rush.

So, how do we do this? Martin Luther King bequeathed upon us the most valuable and sagacious of maxims; consistent, unswerving, intelligent and righteous resistance. Absent violence of any kind.

There’s a remote chance that by asking them the same question over and over, they will realize how stupid the answer is. Don’t forget to tell them that you are a fiscal conservative. Lots of liberals are. They like that shit, they think they believe in it.

Let’s talk about the ‘scared’ shall we? I’ll be brave and guess that’s the common denominator between a third and half of the the almost 59 million. We need to find these frightened folks and get them a better haircut. Shave them if necessary. Treat them nice. Feed them well. Be kind.

Who doesn’t like pancakes with peanut butter?

A complimentary delousing. Free tupperware and sporks. New socks.

There plenty of fights to be had. Most will be easy to pick. For a lot of us however, our job is to engage. Get involved. No need to be confrontational, talk about what you care about. Keep it on the front page.

Forgive me. I’m serious. Waste no time on the dogmatic idealogues. They’re too far gone. Falwell can tell them to eat the children. He could and they would. Ever look into an evangelical’s eyes?

Find those eyes frozen by the headlights. Buy them a taco. Lead them from winter to spring. They’ll be melancholy for the previous season and nostalgic for the Abominable Snowman. Try to present the new season as fresh and hopeful. Point out the flowers and that animals both wild and domestic are fucking like mad.

Who doesn’t like pancakes with peanut butter?

You can see I’m struggling with this. I’m convinced on an intellectual level I’ve nailed it. Up here on the top floor, I own it. Not only makes sense but it’s wise.

Down below, closer to me gulliver, I’m all about making them pay. Evil or just plain stupid, they deserve some amount of consequence. Pricks. Dipshits.

But that’s no good, see?

The hopeless will resent it, the fearful won’t understand and they’ll hold it against us. Be nice to conservatives, at least until you figure them out.

Who doesn’t like pancakes with peanut butter?

Your mission is to figure them out and determine who is worth your time. Coming soon, a national Adopt a Pants Shitting Conservative Day.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m a proud American. I’m a patriot. Love it or leave it. Don’t you dare criticize. What other reason could you possibly have for objecting to wiretapping and surveillance unless you got something to hide?

Hell, I ain’t worried.

Like I said, I’m a patriot and I love my country.

Fisa can blow me, it always goes south when appointed judges stick their progressive dicks in it. Liberal judges legislating from the bench are not needed in these circumstances. Our government is just trying to protect us. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re there for.

If you can’t trust them, who can you trust?

Liberals need to relax while patriots can feel good about it.

Sure, I smoked a little dope when I was younger, beat up the occasional sissy. That was years ago. I’m a Born Again, so I love everybody now. I say let people do what they want. Within reason. Less government.

Dangerous times call for extreme measures and there’s no more dangerous times than now. The Arabs and the terrorists hate us for our freedom and want to kill us. Islam is a violent and hateful religion. They’re all crazy, you can’t talk to them. Fucking ragheads. Why don’t they just leave us alone? What did we ever do to them?

If it ain’t Communism it’s some Godless sandnigger religion. They say Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim. It wouldn’t suprise me. He’s the most liberal member of the Senate you know. He’s friends with terrorists who would kill our own. Sounds to me like he’s one cousin removed from hating America.

What are people thinking? A black Muslim terrorist for President? Over my dead body. It’s why there’s that amendment that let’s us keep our guns. He wants to spread the wealth and that’s socialism. It’s pinko. Every American has the same opportunity, depends on what you do with it.

God created us equal, it says so in the Bible.

Don’t come to me if you’re a crack smoking welfare mom. I work. Don’t cry to me about your son getting involved in gangs. Get him a job. Put his ass to work. I work for a living.

Some of my good friends are blacks. Nice people but I didn’t own them or beat them. What do they want from me? It just so happens, they’re black and I’m white. It’s like I should regret being caucasian. Why should I feel guilt for the way I was born?

If you ask me, the only way to solve the mess is to nuke the whole Godforsaken region. Turn all that sand into glass. Iran too. Let God sort ’em out. Trust in God.

Goddamn right we need change. We’re in a real crisis. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Outsourcing. Fuckin gas through the roof. Liberals want to blame the white man. The American businessman. Good honest Christians who are being taxed and regulated to death for just trying to make a buck and go to church on Sunday in decent clothes.

Leave these people alone so they can create jobs and save this country. They are heroes. They deserve and need that tax break.

All these foreigners need to speak American. Say the Pledge every day including “under God” and respect our God, the one this great nation was founded on. A Christian God.

Why is that too much to ask? A little respect, you know? This is the greatest country in the world. Take off your hat and put your hand over your heart when our anthem gets played.

Call me a redneck, I don’t care because maybe that’s what I am. I love my country and I love Jesus Christ. He was a carpenter you know.

I gotta tell ya just because “Joe The Plumber” isn’t a plumber and his name’s not Joe and he can’t afford to buy the business he works for, doesn’t mean he isn’t Joe Sixpack and a regular American with the same problems we all have.

The Bible says an eye for an eye and that’s why abortion doctors sometimes reap what they’ve sown. I don’t condone it but I understand. Even if it’s rape, it’s not up to us to decide. I mean, a life is a life. The bible says so. Unless of course, if that life has taken another, or sold dope, or is a traitor or a terrorist. Face it, what better deterrent is there than the death penalty?

People should understand that we’ll kill them if they screw up in America. Justice should be swift and mighty. Every war, including this one we’re in now, is for justice and truth and democracy. Even when it’s really hard, America does the right thing. Always.

You know, W. is a good man. He made a few mistakes. All Presidents do. Nobody’s perfect. He cares about us. I feel it. He’s a good man. I’d really like to have a beer with him. I bet he’s friendly and regular. Cheney’s a little spooky but he’s just the brains of the operation.

So whatever about the gays. It’s a choice and there are consequences. We all pay a price for bad decisions and that’s one of the great things about America. Accountability. No way will this American stand for faggots who want to soil the Christian institution of marriage. It’s holy and sacred. Can’t you people just leave it alone? What difference could it possibly make in their lives and their futures?

It’s a symbol. That’s why they want it so bad. It’s just silly.

Show me a homosexual and I’ll show you a liberal. Wanna bet?

It’s like they think it will make them legitimate somehow. Uh, not in the eyes of this patriot.

In a lot of ways, it’s like the French. We saved their asses in The Big One. What have they ever done for us besides sneer and act like we’re bullies and brutes? Overcharge us for wine and cheese. Ingrates. Why do we bother?

Those countries that sell their oil to the Chinese instead of us; it might be time to introduce them to the United States Navy.

McCain fought to save us from communism. He’s got my vote because he’s a genuine hero. This Sarah Palin is sassy and real and they’re both mavericks. I like that. I don’t care how smart Obama is. That’s not was this is about. I’ve always been suspicious of book learning as opposed to street smarts. This guy Obama eats arugula and fish eggs. He went to Harvard. I think his wife did too.

Tea with a pinky out.

By the way, Michelle Obama has been ashamed of America. Only recently proud. Can you believe this shit? Now what does America, the best country in the world, have to be ashamed of?

You know what else bothers me? What does it say to the rest of the world if America elects an African American Muslim for President? The world respects us. We are the example. America is the bar. There’s a ton of responsibility there and we’re gonna be held accountable.

The one thing I can agree with the liberals about is the idea that this country has it’s head in the shitter.

We can’t afford this second guessing and insecurity when it comes too choosing our leaders. A man with over two decades in the Senate. A man who’s crashed four airplanes and is still with us. A woman who shoots moose. A woman who’s been both Mayor and Governor of the wilderness. Both these Americans are patriots.

A woman who doesn’t break a sweat while spending more than twice what most American’s make in a year on two months worth of clothes. She wants to look good for us.

A man who’s not afraid to call his wife a “cunt” in public.

Drinks for my friends.

Politics no less interesting today than any other day. No reason to write about it. Not today anyway.

Who cares?

Except the socialist thing. You’ve got be fucking kidding me. Three quarters of these asshats don’t know what the word means. Most of them couldn’t spell it. See, Americans hear words like that and a certain number are preprogrammed to hear anything from communist to dictator.

More than a few hear faggot, homo and pinko.

Once again they play to the stupid, the ignorant, with words. Just words. The stupid are just that. Hopelessly vulnerable. Game birds on a reserve with clipped wings.

Richard Bruce Cheney standing there with the barrel of a twenty gauge up on his shoulder. Banging him in the head as sucks his flask though it were a golden teat. The front of his pants stained by his own piss.

Guess what happens next?

Anyway, my day sucked. The bloody fruit on top of the shit sundae was a good old friend treating my as though I were an idiot. Painful.

Now I’m furious.

Wierd when people spin on you like that. The lessons I’m learning by doing business with friends and colleagues are eye opening. There is no real glory in sales. It can be interesting and without a doubt challenging. It’s often ugly.

I was in a meeting last week where some guy they all respected was there to school us on sales techniques. He had some seven or eight point plan. To be fair, I walked in, in the middle.

It wasn’t why I was in my monkey costume that day. I was there on business. I had shit to do.

I both like and respect the big man. If I can make this work it will be a good fit. The big man, he’s a monster, requests my presence in this sales meeting, so there I am. The guy conducting made some points but there was much about him that made me want to wash my hands.

Again in fairness, I’m a compulsive hand washer.

Such a difference between pitching and closing on the phone and the art of the same in person. I don’t doubt I can do it but I’m not sure how eager I am.

I’ve got an ally and a mentor who gives me as much time as I need. He rocks. We understand each other. He brings a full tool box, loans me whatever I need. He has only one testicle.

Television:

“The Mentalist” -CBS

Crime scene. Some genius figures out there’s a secret safe room, finds the remote, figures out the code and finds the body in like the first two minutes. And he’s cheeky. Next.

I end up on a preseason Laker game against Charlotte. Both benches on the floor. I like basketball. Not tonight.

I turn the sound off. That works.

I understand there’s no good news in my mailbox, so I rarely check it.

My cat keeps peeing on my comforter.

My ass is broke.

I learned from television tonight that everyone has a nice house and a totally pimp office/work enviroment. I’m thinking this phenomena must be a big part of the current financial clusterfuck. They all seem to work in the public sector. They’ve all got huge ultra modern apartments and then they go home to a hidden rustic winery.

How can we afford that?

Throw three or four handfuls of baby peas (fresh or frozen) in with two cans of cream of mushroom soup along with a half can or so of tuna packed in oil, but strain the oil, some butter, sea salt, garlic powder and a fresh ground five pepper blend. Simmer depending on the peas (fresh or frozen) over low heat. Garnish with some shavings of parmesan and thinly sliced scallions. Serve in a shallow bowl.

Or. Grow some labia and chop a few tablespoons of shallots and sautee them in butter. Maybe toss in a few slivered almonds or pine nuts. A few spoonfulls from that can of tuna right before you add a glug of cheap dry white wine and set it to boil. Boil the wine almost completely off. Look for just a hint of crispiness on the nuts and translucence from the shallots. With any luck you’ve charred a little tuna. Add pepper and dill. Crank the heat down and stir consistently after adding the Campbells and peas.

Salt to taste bitch.

A shallow bowl.

A small plate of fresh white saltines and lemon slices sprinkled with capers and paprika. Or a fresh crusty bread with olive oil and a sweet vinegar.

Pour a decent blanc de blanc, pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc.

Touch your naughty bits.

Stuff your ears with moist cornmeal and drink whiskey through your nose.

Remind me to tell you about the guy on the balcony just now. I believe he was a foreigner, perhaps a terrorist.

Drinks for my friends.

What we have here……is a huge celebrity. Worldwide. Global. Looks like it’s a problem. Our Man, by virtue of charisma, an absolutely uncanny ability to communicate, to orate a fresh and hopeful message, not just to Americans, but a good number of this planet’s citizenry, may have doomed himself for being so goddamn adept at showing us there is a better way.

Two hundred thousand plus showed up in Berlin.

What a shame, that so many of have grown so cynical as to stare so arrogantly into the mouth of this gift horse.

What a shame, that upon finally being presented with the real deal, so many many of us can’t help but be convinced that he must be an elitist. An arugula eating snob because he talks to the people of the world like adults.

I confess, I like arugula a lot. My favorite is a dish with perfectly grilled polenta, a thick vinegarette and a generous amount of gorgonzola. I get it to go and put a little Bob’s on top when I get home.

With the exception of the Bob’s, the other ingredients would probably lead most of the great unwashed to assume I’m an enthusiastic pole smoker. Were I to mention that it pairs well with a nice blanc de blancs, well then, I’m sure they’d be willing to assume the worst, that it’s not the only salad I’m willing to toss. Whatever.

They would be right. I don’t imbibe penis, but have no problem with those that deign to do so, regardless of gender. It goes without saying, I encourage and applaud the females. I am a progressive individual in both thought and deed.

I love sushi and crave caviar.

I believe health care should be free or at least affordable for the people of the richest country on earth. I think we should stop shaking our fists at countries that disagree with us. In fact, I really would prefer that we stopped bombing all the brown people. After all, the back of the most formidable military in the history of the world has been rent asunder by that very policy.

We should do our best to stop sucking our planet dry and instead utilize what the universe offers for free. The sun and the wind and the tide.

Know what else I like? Risotto. When prepared with care, it is like the most delicately textured pasta imaginable, in the unlikeliest pellet form. Mushrooms. Get it with mushrooms and aged parmesan.

I think we should legalize most drugs. Tax and regulate them to eliminate the criminal infrastructure and mitigate the astounding numbers of incarcerated that we pay for on top of the ridiculous “war on drugs”. On the other hand, it may suprise you to know that I’m thinking maybe anyone dealing meth or in the business of propagating it, might be better off dead.

Ever had a perfectly BBQ’d pork chop with a really good zinfandel?

You know what really chaps my ass? The erosion of our civil rights and liberties. FISA. Posse Comitatus. The Patriot Act. Amendments One and Four. All of the aforementioned have been severely and egregiously advanced in the last seven years while we voluntarily popped our thumbs into our asses and looked the other way because we were scared.

The most successful society in the history of humankind allowed itself to be frightened by it’s own so thoroughly, it’s literally frozen at the wheel. A deer in the headlights.

Both. Ha!

Try this:
Find a place with good, thin shoestring fries. Squeeze a lemon over them. Apply salt, preferably from the sea. Dip in mayonnaise and/or ketchup. I’m not a big beer drinker but most beers work well with this. Stick to lighter ones. Hefe weizen, pilsner and most authentic lagers work nicely.

I’m going to hold out two hands. You’ll need to pick one. Fair warning, in one hand is the very aggressive sale of fear and doubt. Let me know if you want me to tell you which hand it is.

I’ve started eating chili cheese fries. So far, Carl’s sets the bar.

I hear Cheney won’t be at the convention. Fuck me, that’s funny.

Drinks for my friends.

There is a kind of brutal asymmetry about the death of Jesse Helms today, the same day that both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson shucked their coils mortal in 1826. The birth of our once great country. A campaign season with the first ever African American leading in polls for President.

Happy Fourth of July.

Likely the best thing to be said of him, he had the courage of his convictions. He was consistent. Still, I wouldn’t cross a country road to piss on his grave. Mr. Helms was an evil bigot.

He opposed Martin Luther King Day in 1983.

“Helms once deeply offended a black colleague, Democratic Senator Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois, by singing part of “Dixie” on a Capitol elevator.

Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into Mosely-Braun in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, “Watch me make her cry. I’m going to make her cry. I’m going to sing ‘Dixie’ until she cries.” He then proceeded to sing the song about “the good life” during slavery to Mosely-Braun (Gannett News Service, 1993-09-02; Time, 1993-08-16″

“White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.” -From a campaign ad Helms was involved in creating.

Another ad featured photographs Helms doctored to illustrate the allegation that Graham’s wife had danced with a black man. (FAIR 2001-09-01, The News and Observer 2001-08-26)

A former Democrat, Helms straddled the Republican expoitation of racial division in the south to fuel his own success.

He consistently opposed gay rights. Although he did once describe the genitalia of Strom Thurmond as “gorgeous” and a “splenderous tract of man flesh”. This, despite the fact that Thurman’s unit had seen battle in an African American vagina.

He was instrumental in the ascendency of Ronald Reagan and therefore a major player in the birth of contemporary conservatism. Neoconservatism. The beginning of what may be the demise of our republic.

Jesse Helms was an asshole, I regret that I have but one toast to hoist in celebration of his dirt nap.

Drinks for my friends.

Today was a dark day in the great state of California. The dreaded marriage of faggots, dykes and lezbos was allowed to commence. What have we done? The venerated institution of marriage has been soiled. Shat upon by liberals and sissy lovers. Next thing you know, they’ll be marrying their pets or monkeys (I’ll be polygamist).

Woe is us.

David Lee Roth once said of this state something like, they tipped the map and everyone with a screw loose rolled to the left coast. As an agnostic, I just need to say, thank God I live here.

The same institution that until early last century legally posited a woman was a man’s property upon betrothal. The same institution that forbade the matrimony of an African American to one of European extraction until even later. The same institution that fails utterly and completely, at least half the time, with the carnage of children in it’s wake. The same institution that was the catalyst for delivering redneck bigots to the polls for the last Presidential contest in drooling, knuckle dragging packs.

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, pause for the laugh track, “decried the decision as a typical case of judicial activism in which the court overrode the will of the people. Too bad, the Family Research Council actually fought to have the will of the majority overturned when “the people of Oregon passed a law authorizing voluntary assisted suicide for the terminally ill.” -The Daily Fuel

What a tool. It was allowed because the California Supreme Court declared it unconstitutional. Hey Tony, keep your Jesus off my penis.

Now it’s going to be on the ballot. Again.

We have seen numerous examples in our nation’s history where the “will of the people” isn’t necessarily congruent with justice, compassion or fairness. This issue, in my mind, is overwhelmingly elementary. Homosexuality is congenital. It therefore belongs exclusively to the context of civil rights. Period. Next?

I’m reasonably certain most who would deny this civil right to their fellow human, have never even known, tried or wanted to know a gay person. What would they find if they did? They would discover, other than sexual preference, they are just like the rest of us. Some good, some bad, but almost all having the capacity for love, unless it was beaten out of them by some racist homophobe who’s masculinity was threatened.

The news was juxtaposed with footage of a lesbian couple that had been together since Ike was President, gingerly slicing a wedding cake. How cool, and just what the fuck is wrong with that?

I understand the terrible engine behind this idiocy combusts on fear and ignorance. What I don’t understand is what there is to be so afraid of.

I’m grateful time seems able to slowly but deliberately render discrimination obsolete as it’s practitioners are driven into shame filled closets of their own. Prisoners of their own device.

Drinks for my friends.

Every once in a while, a genuinely good thing happens in the world and I find myself smiling. Guess what kind of day today was?

This, after a pretty good day yesterday.

Today the California Supreme Court ruled overwhelmingly that same sex marriages are well within the protection of our state constitution. Keep on rockin the free world. Some pundit mentioned that California was among the first, back in nineteen forty eight, to declare the very same protection for interracial couples.

Look at us. We’re so goddamn chiquita.

A societal fundament.

Big news. A major civil rights victory. Huge.

The Outtake Bistro had the tomato tarragon soup with chicken. I chose to pair it with a blanc de blanc. We started with mixed greens and a miso dressing.

“I was just a little pup
And it was derby day

Was dad and me and darrell
Out in san pablo bay

Taco flavored doritos
And my orange life vest

Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test

Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half

Darrell’d say “jump ya sons a bitch!”
And he grabbed for the gaff

When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long

I was so danged impressed i had
To write a song called

Fish on” -Primus

Then Dumbya, after declaring solidarity for all the troops waiting to die and those who already have, by allegedly giving up being photographed playing golf, opened his dumbass mouth again while speaking to the Israeli Parliament.

It was like a warm buttermilk biscuit on my doorstep. A packet or two of honey and that butter flavored stuff.

This guy is the pointy part of a turd above a white collar and a red tie. What a dick.

In front of The Knesset, in the lamest way one can imagine, he swings a limp pecker with conviction that can only come from some dissociative fantasy based on his dick actually being hard.

For all intents and purposes, he called our man Obama a Nazi sympathizer. Doubtfire waded in like a pasty faced zombie. He shat in his bag and began to explore his nostrils with all fingers.

Rove called the pixilated residence of Darth Cheney pleading for someone to put a leash on the goddamn monkey as he was really hoping to spend his sunset years destroying somebody.

Biden erupted in his inimitable way by saying “This is bullshit. This is malarkey. This is outrageous. Outrageous for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country, sit in the Knesset…and make this kind of ridiculous statement,”

I understand they caught him coming out of an elevator. We likes us some Joe Biden. We likes him more when he’s pissed.

My point is this:

This administration’s foreign policy is a debate any immigrant 7-11 clerk could hand Dumbya, or McCain for that matter, their asses on.

Hey, how’s that not talking to anybody working out for you assholes?

Are you guys aware that your own Secretaries of State and Defense advocate talking to these nations?

Sheezus!

It’s like Darth and Dumbya ride ponies around in the basement everyday playing cowboys and indians. They come up for lemonade and head right back down. Darth stuffs his pockets with moon pies. Dumbya’s got a flask. They’re both on lithium and sleeping in coffins.

I just saw a backlit mystery stream spray a home pregnancy strip and a woman was ejected by her bed to an opulent lobby. TV on but no sound.

Drinks for my friends.

So I wrote a pretty incendiary piece earlier this week on Pope Benedict’s visit. I’m not here to apologize, keep your panties from bunching. No mea culpa here bitches, I’m just gonna elaborate.

I suppose it’s only fair I acknowledge that Pontiff Benedict spent face time with a handfull of sex abuse victims by priests during his visit this week. So noted. It was the right thing to do.

My friends and I have a saying we got from Chris Rock. “Don’t try to take credit for shit you should be doing anyway”, or something like that. What we really say is “Well, you know what Chris Rock says.”

I’m amused by the talking heads debating if what he’s done is enough. Can you guess what I think? Bet you can. My answer is, not even fucking close. I’m not unhappy about what he’s done. If the man has the courage of his convictions however, he has much more to do.

No need to pore over all the details. If you’ve been paying attention, you know enough of the story. Suffice it to say, it’s been a travesty, a cancer, a tragic malignancy that has left thousands damaged beyond repair. Thousands who’ve had their dignity and the innocence of youth stolen, absconded, by no mere evil priest, but by a culture of repression and rot both pervasive and systemic.

It is that culture that must be addressed. It is there that change must absolutely begin. At the foundation. The very roots. The condemnation of homosexuality and the ridiculous notion that priests must remain chaste to be holy. A culture of repression. A culture that is archaic and absurd.

How can one honestly believe that under such circumstances, under a bureaucracy so corrupt, that America is the only country in which such rampant and egregious abuse has been allowed to flourish? No fucking way. Watch this debacle unfold and you will surely learn that it is world wide. The real estate soaked by this stain will spread across the globe to wherever Catholics wield power.

Cardinals Bernard Francis Law (who now resides safely at the Vatican) and Mahoney, should be prosecuted to the fullest extent jurisprudence will accomodate. These two at least, are the epitome of an evil that you and I can only guess at. It’s bullshit that these men and countless others are allowed to remain free from punishment and incarceration. Pope Benedict, should demonstrate to America that he gives a mad fuck by cooperating in any process necessary to bring these men to trial.

They are goddamn pedophiles by association and compliance at the very least.

No more two billion dollar civil judgements. What is needed by the institution is criminal proceedings to pair the darkest of men with the fate and punishment they purchased long ago.

Unless and until such an action can be supplied motion by the pontifex in charge, Pope Benedict, the institution of Catholicism and it’s infrastructure will continue to decay and atrophy into obsolescence while it’s spiritual influence wanes.

Let me just say this. How can you people insist that I embrace your version of God while the rot from your basement invades your rafters? That is insane.

Drinks for my friends.

Pope Benedict XVI showed up today in America. Boy, am I excited. Did you know there’s like seventy million Catholics in this country? Did you know that by being Catholic you’re automatically full of shit? Trust me, I know a few Catholics and some of them are nice, but all of them, completely full of shit.

It’s true, I loathe Catholicism. Gays will burn in hell. Third world countries shouldn’t be allowed access to birth control because premarital sex is a sin. Then there’s the rampant and chronic ass raping of children by priests. That last one is a big one. I hear it just cost them two billion bucks. That’s maybe a day and half in Iraq.

I really could go on and on and on………

Allow me to lend you some perspective. People jumped all over Barack Obama a few weeks back because the pastor of his church was percieved by some to have insulted America. How could he belong to such a church? Why didn’t he leave that church and denounce that man?

Despite the fact that Jeremiah Wright spoke the truth, it occurs to me to ask this question: How the fuck can you people, nearly seventy million of you, in all good conscience, remain Catholic?

So I’m pretty sure I saw his image today.

I was walking along skid row and in a river of crap and piss, I glimpsed a piece of toast that made me think of this fuck’s face. True, it did look a little like Dick Cheney. Anyway, I was in a bad way, so I puked bile and snot after I was certain that I saw the face of the Pope in a slice of toast floating in human sewage running down the street.

None of this is true, by the way.

I was positive that what I saw was divine so I called every cable news show I could think of on a pay phone and asked them to meet me there in front of the booth. I had a pocket full of quarters from the the jerk off stalls earlier in my evening.

I’d lifted the countenance of the current pope in the form of a toast wedge from the gutter with my left foot and placed it neatly on the floor of the the last phone booth on skid row.

Guess what? They all came. Helicopters and vans. Crazy. I told them I’d been backpacking in the Andes for the last ten years. I ate grass and drank tea. I told them my meat of choice was yak. They nodded like it made sense.

I tell them it’s him and they’ll see because his ears and forehead are scary accurate in that morsel of toast.

I tell them, I can’t forgive this man for what he’s done and what he presides over.

I tell them he should be arrested while he’s in this country and I’m sure that’s when they decide to arrest me. I try to tell them how Cardinal Mahoney is Darth fucking Vader.

I end up in a cell. He ends up with the ass of any child he desires while candles and incense burn.

I’m just trying to make a point here. Both these fucks belong in handcuffs.

Can you believe this shit?

This fuck coming here?

Want a poster boy for religion as complete crap?

I do get carried away.

Forgive me.

I call them like I see them.

You know this prick was a Nazi?

Fuck the Pope.

Drinks for my friends.

Aug. 30, 2007
There’s nothing wrong with that. Except, he’s liar and a hypocrite too. Poor bastard covets cock, pines for penis and thinks that’s his worst problem.
A quick google reveals this self loathing elderly hunk of man meat has a 100% approval rating from the Christian Coalition. That’s funny. They HATE fags. I wonder if it’s congruent with how he hates himself, or a completely antithetical brand of fear and loathing.
Anyway. Another closeted hypocritical gay Republican elected representative, in denial and pursuing an overtly homophobic legislative agenda.
* Voted YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. (Jun 2006)
* Voted NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
* Voted NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
* Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage. (Sep 1996)
* Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation. (Sep 1996)
Source.
For fuck’s sake this guy has been in power and under a cloud for decades.
Restless leg syndrome. That’s all it was. Now that’s funny. I have to admit I stole that from an e-mail read out loud on the Cafferty File.
In case you missed my point; my disgust is about his behavior outside the bedroom, train staion or airport bathroom. I think he sucks (sorry, I crack me up) because he’s so disturbed that he’s dedicated his life to punishing his own, merely because he hates himself so much.
More and more, that mentality seems to prevail in our body politic and ever more acutely in the GOP. Foley was how long ago? They knew about Foley and you can bet your ass they knew about this deranged prick.
David Dreier anyone?
The ‘07 GOP family values schadenfreude. On tour and in a TV near you. They’ve begun to eclipse Catholic priests in the arena of depravity.
This month alone, Snow, Rove and Gonzales walk.
Again, the damage is done. All three walked away whistling.
Your seeing a full on slow motion implosion of a political party.
One can only hope that the thus far invertebrate Democrats can find the courage of the people’s convictions and lead according to principal and the will of WE THE PEOPLE.
That is our only hope, so I’m scared shitless.
I don’t typically do this but I’d like to take this opportunity to rub your goddamn noses in some pretty obvious shit. The answers to most of our problems as a country and those of the world at large are generally pretty obtainable; just an arm’s reach opposite the remote for most of us.
Ethanol from corn is an egregiously stupid idea. More expensive, less miles per gallon and enviromentally disastrous. Hemp you fools! Hemp solves all three and textiles too.
Sorry. I digress.
Obama and Hillary are the political equivalent of ethanol.
What I want you to know is that this time there is a legitimate Democratic candidate for president of this once great country. His name is Dennis Kucinich and he is a real cowboy.
The only one to openly oppose the war publicly before it even started and the only one to vote against it every time. The only one with the sack to introduce articles of impeachment in congress for Cheney. The only one with a comprehensive health plan, a not for profit health care system for every American. The ONLY ONE not beholdin to BIG PHARMA, ENERGY, INSURANCE, DEFENSE OR FINANCIAL. The only one.
Among the smartest. Definitely the most honest. My mother says he’s too liberal. She is wrong. He’s a common sense centrist. He is what we need to have a chance at cleaning this mess up.
If I’m right about Americans, he has not a hope in hell.
Prove me wrong? Pay attention? Please?
Drinks for my friends.

The world’s preeminent hypocrite has taken the dirt
nap. Jerry Falwell was the epitome of everything that
is evil about organized religion.

Now he’s goddamn dead and not a microsecond too soon.
Hang on kids, this is going to be an angry piece,
and I intend to enjoy it. With all sincerity and
vigor I say fuck that piece of shit.

Forgive me or not, but this dirtbag crossed too many
lines. He sucked.

This man had the sociopathic narcistic temerity to
posit that the purple teletubby was homosexual for
carrying a purse and that gays and lesbians et al.
were the reason that three thousand people died on
September 11, 2001. I wonder if he knew that his very
own government, the same one foisted on the rest of us
by his christian fundamentalist right, was complicit
in the events of that day.

And, the events of this day.

A knave masquerading as a charlatan who devoted his
life to encouraging people with as mere a thing as a
different opinion to as all important a thing as an
inherent and genetic prediposition of gender
preference, to feel less than he and his followers.
Lots less, like burning for eternity kinda less. Like suicide kinda less. He
fomented hate and fear and bathed unapoligetically in
the filthy lucre his vitriol generated.

His worst trangression remains his calculated
vivisectional offensive into American politics. He
succeeded rather spectacularly at legislating his own
brand of morality under Reagan. It began with the usurping of that toad
Jim Baker.

Jimmy Carter, a polite man of devout faith, a man
who’s emerged as a Nobel Peace Prize winning
humanitarian and philosopher, told this prick Falwell
to go to hell.

I hope he choked or something. Really, nothing
peaceful, like passing in his slumber. See, by the
time he was finished, until the day he died, if you
were a politician, you just might be fucked without
him. And whatever you do, don’t piss him off. Present
tense intended. This ghost will haunt us.

And to all his followers; this is the best you could
do? This is your spokesman? Your man of god? This
self righteous, judgemental harlequin? You people are
ignorant, pious, frightened fools.

If the concept of justice remains exempt from archaic,
I anticipate Mr. Falwell to be waking up any minute in
his worst nightmare of hell with a mouth full of shit.

Hope I pissed somebody off.

Drinks for my friends.

Turned on the glass tit and CNN is doing a piece on religion vs. science. I’m not here to offend anyone but I’m certainly not afraid to either. But then, you knew that.

Here then, are my thoughts:

Creationism as opposed to evolution? A walk in the park. The idea that the earth is merely between six and ten thousand years old and that humans were created essentially as they are today is bullshit. The very notion is archaic and absurd.

Now, having said that, why do the concepts of creationism and evolution have to be mutually exclusive?

In my mind, it certainly didn’t transpire the way any western religion would have us believe.

All the religious texts including the bible, are but attempts at an explanation by people far more primitive than we today to elucidate our origin and provide reasons to abstain from killing our neighbors and stealing their stuff. At best these texts are metaphorical and symbolic.

And you know what? There’s not a lot wrong with that.

At least not in theory.

In practice however, it is my empirical observation that religion has done more to corrupt and subvert the decency of mankind than any other force or belief system. More lives lost and blood spilled in the name of the god du jour than for any other impetus in history.

Yet isn’t it somewhat arrogant for us to believe that our existence is the result of some random explosion and then a nearly impossible series of events and conditions that led to some sort of biologically rich primordial soup from which all the creatures we see today eventually emerged?

Again, why do the two concepts of creationism and evolution have to be mutually exclusive? Certainly the profound miracles of things like love and compassion are no accident. Forgive me, but kittens and flowers and a scorching guitar solo seem to stand out a little to me and fly in the face of the notion of some grand elaborate accident.

Here’s the deal; we have yet to even approach the answer. Therein lies the rub. Neither of the two conflicting concepts are adequate as rationale for why I pee standing up and women should probably squat, and other brain pulverizing ideas like horseradish and republicans.

Logic would dictate that either both are bogus or the answer lies somewhere in between.

I prefer the latter.

In my mind, there must be a higher power. But I don’t doubt that it has very little to do with some white guy with a fairly lustrous head of hair and beard. The bible is a fable. C’mon, if Jesus lived, he was most likely black. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest. It really chaps the ass of some dude in Alabama named Bubba though. And that’s just silly.

Christianity is is rife with contradictions and hypocrisy. It’s disturbing and disgusting to posit that an individual will suffer agony for eternity because of sexual preference. Regardless of whether that proclivity is genetic or by choice makes little difference to me. Muslims for example, are forbidden to wipe their asses with their right hand or eat/drink with the left. I’m sure that made sense five thousand years ago when the concept of germs was callow at best, but these days it’s just ridiculous. The same can be said of the various kosher ceremonies of food preperation and consumption.

I am agnostic but that is not at odds with my spiritual nature. In important ways, humility is fundamental. It’s important to not just tolerate, but accommodate other’s beliefs. It’s important to be aware of the fact that we can’t be sure we know any better.

Yet, I will not waiver in my disdain for those ignorant and judgemental. With all sincerity, I do not give a mad fuck what your book says if it’s your excuse to discriminate, malign or commit violence.

Drinks for my friends.

Now they’re planning the crime of the century

Well what will it be?

Read all about their schemes and adventuring

It’s well worth a fee

So roll up and see

And they rape the universe

How they’ve gone from bad to worse

Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?

Rip off the masks and let’s see.

But that’s not right – oh no, what’s the story?

There’s you and there’s me

That can’t be right

Supertramp “Crime Of The Century”

What are we doing?

Speaking Friday at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Washington, D.C., Coulter closed her remarks with: “I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I – so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.”

This, from the same woman who, when commenting on her percieved latent homosexuality of Bill Clinton said “I don’t know if he’s gay. But Al Gore – total fag.”

Thanks Ann. I’m so grateful that you were able to frame the debate for us in such a way as to make it crystal fucking clear that all three individuals, their contributions to society, their intellectual prowess and their goodwill, are all rendered obsolete by your profoundly spurious assertion that they are gay.

You see, I’m quite sure that Ms. Coulter is the right wing equivalent of Andrew Dice Clay. It’s schtick. Dice admitted that his misogyny was an act. Coulter has yet to own her bigotry, homophobia and otherwise incendiary rhetoric as anything other than genuine. Perhaps it’s funny to the uptight diamond crapping rednecks and lone wolf Dick-in-Bush supporters, I don’t know. I stopped laughing a long time ago.

This simian phalanged cunt has done nothing more than pollute the once fairly pure waters of public discourse to the point where this sort of thing is not seen for what it is, but is rather held by conventional wisdom to be um , funny.

What a shame. What a goddamn shame.

The same woman who barked, with her overtly masculine adam’s apple bobbing in her freakishly elongated neck, “These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much.” She was of course, talking about 9/11 widows.

Again, thanks Ann. Bitchcunt.

I don’t doubt that someday the contents of Ms. Coulter’s closet will be revealed and we will then be treated to all manner of nefarious fuckery. There will likely be proof that she is indeed genetically male and the progeny of chimpanzees.

Either that or her secrets will remain with her to the grave and she will die prematurely from the sheer strain of holding those evil waters inside.

Really what it’s about is ignoring her. It’s simple. Ignore her. She’s chumping both sides. Schtick. We hate her, they love her. We are wrong and so are they.

Change the channel.

Drinks for my friends.