Archive for the ‘Patriot’ Category

“Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side?
Baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby
Say baby

Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side?
Baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby
Say baby” -Primus

The day is upon us.

You woke this morning and by days end, the world will be different.

Regardless of the result, history will happen to us all.

I’m just trying to get some pot so I can watch the returns in SENSURROUND.

I can’t help it. I’m all aflutter. Veklempt even.

It goes without saying that if you don’t vote today, I’ll come down your chimney and stab you in the eye with a rusty fork.

If you’re a good Democrat, a responsible progressive or an honest liberal and you somehow manage to avoid the polls today, I will blind you with my fork and turn that fork on your car. Your rootbeer colored Ford. If I have time and enough mud, I’ll crap at your main entrance. I will leave a pile or nothing at all.

If you’re a dipshit conservative mindless Republican, I’ll be by tomorrow with muffins and juice. After all, that’s your day to vote because you’re so goddamn special and elite. Yes, just avoid November Four, the day my rent becomes delinquent. You’re a member of the ruling class. Who would deny someone of your stature a little next day action? No lines. No hassle.

Just sit this one out. Seriously. You’re not needed here. Not this time. We’re fine without you. You’re covered. No one will know. Don’t risk the hair on your knuckles.

My apologies. I had every intention to impart a sober and thoughtful message.

Finnegan begin again.

***CNN has just projected Barack Hussein Obama as the next President of The United States***

Salty water spills down my face and over my shit eating grin.

What we have here is a successful communication. The real deal. A man who’s intentions are good. Strong and confident. Steady. Calm. Intelligent. Resolute.

What we have here is a lanslide. A majority, an aggregate of Americans have spoken with a very clear voice. Resounding. Overwhelming. A mandate. We are saying we’ve had enough. Finally. En Masse. Finally.

I honestly don’t know what to say. Yep, the polls have been going our way, but it was such a long shot for so long. I’ve confessed before that I didn’t think he stood a snowball’s chance in a weapons foundry. Until this year, I had no reason to think I was wrong.

He just kept coming.

Then he impressed us. Over and over.

Instead of a mea culpa over Reverend Wright, we received a most sensitive and scholarly treatise ever afforded a national audience on the subject of race. Delivered by a man half black, in a way that compelled every thinking man to think.

It’s not that I didn’t like him. I just didn’t think he had a chance and I was overly protective of my political sensitivities. I can be fragile you know.

I was afraid America would come to covet a blowtorch after the seas we’ve been forced to sail. A firebrand blowhard capable of nothing but recklessness.

True to form, we flirted with disaster. A cranky old man on the verge of dementia and a woman so ill prepared as to force prominent stalwarts of her own party to flee braying nonsense with fear and confusion in their eyes.

Could the blackhats possibly have fucked this up any worse?

Nope.

It’s Comedy.

Comedy is not pretty.

Good comedy is always ugly. Always. Always funny as fuck though.

The eve of hope. Not merely hope, but anticipation. We now expect and have the right to anticipate change. A change in the way the world sees us. With luck, a change in the way we see ourselves. Not red or blue. Not clinging to one ideology while in disgust of another. A collective of independent Americans with a common concern for the welfare of us all.

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

Fucking A.

A triumph over racism, bigotry and ignorance. Arms wide open. Instead of a step, how about a running jump? Perhaps a little too awesome?

We need to make it an aspect of our culture that he who would harbor unfounded bias be ashamed and shunned. This, so the rest of us can get on with it.

America will never be one. Not one thing. Not one idea. Not one people.

Having said that, it’s not so exclusive for us to move in concert. Tonight is proof. There is a considerable chasm between nationalism and patriotism. We have moved together to refute the bullshit visited upon us for the last eight years. The American people are done with this shit. THIS SHIT. Is over.

The numbers are formididable. Decisive. Impressive.

It is time for patriotism. It is one thing to vote for the man. It’s entirely another to stand behind him. Time to get on your feet people. The worst is yet to come and resting on your knees won’t do.

There will be a Democratic House and a Democratic Senate. There will be a Democratic President. The window to turn things around opened today. It could close in a mere two years if we’re not careful. Understand, this victory only guarantees a seat at the table. We will be allowed to play. We will have some juice. That is all.

We must play well and with purpose. Change will commence once we’ve held our own for a few seasons.

I’m rambling. What I’m trying to tell you is that nothing ends today. Everything starts. Now is the best time to be not an individual, but an American. It begins today.

“Ill walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I dont want to be the bad guy

I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone” -Everclear

What has happened here is the best man won.
Yes, he’s black.
He didn’t win because he’s black.
He won despite being black.

He kept the color of his skin from being an isssue by making it about the content of his character.

Here’s the deal. He’s so fucking cool.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m a proud American. I’m a patriot. Love it or leave it. Don’t you dare criticize. What other reason could you possibly have for objecting to wiretapping and surveillance unless you got something to hide?

Hell, I ain’t worried.

Like I said, I’m a patriot and I love my country.

Fisa can blow me, it always goes south when appointed judges stick their progressive dicks in it. Liberal judges legislating from the bench are not needed in these circumstances. Our government is just trying to protect us. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re there for.

If you can’t trust them, who can you trust?

Liberals need to relax while patriots can feel good about it.

Sure, I smoked a little dope when I was younger, beat up the occasional sissy. That was years ago. I’m a Born Again, so I love everybody now. I say let people do what they want. Within reason. Less government.

Dangerous times call for extreme measures and there’s no more dangerous times than now. The Arabs and the terrorists hate us for our freedom and want to kill us. Islam is a violent and hateful religion. They’re all crazy, you can’t talk to them. Fucking ragheads. Why don’t they just leave us alone? What did we ever do to them?

If it ain’t Communism it’s some Godless sandnigger religion. They say Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim. It wouldn’t suprise me. He’s the most liberal member of the Senate you know. He’s friends with terrorists who would kill our own. Sounds to me like he’s one cousin removed from hating America.

What are people thinking? A black Muslim terrorist for President? Over my dead body. It’s why there’s that amendment that let’s us keep our guns. He wants to spread the wealth and that’s socialism. It’s pinko. Every American has the same opportunity, depends on what you do with it.

God created us equal, it says so in the Bible.

Don’t come to me if you’re a crack smoking welfare mom. I work. Don’t cry to me about your son getting involved in gangs. Get him a job. Put his ass to work. I work for a living.

Some of my good friends are blacks. Nice people but I didn’t own them or beat them. What do they want from me? It just so happens, they’re black and I’m white. It’s like I should regret being caucasian. Why should I feel guilt for the way I was born?

If you ask me, the only way to solve the mess is to nuke the whole Godforsaken region. Turn all that sand into glass. Iran too. Let God sort ’em out. Trust in God.

Goddamn right we need change. We’re in a real crisis. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Outsourcing. Fuckin gas through the roof. Liberals want to blame the white man. The American businessman. Good honest Christians who are being taxed and regulated to death for just trying to make a buck and go to church on Sunday in decent clothes.

Leave these people alone so they can create jobs and save this country. They are heroes. They deserve and need that tax break.

All these foreigners need to speak American. Say the Pledge every day including “under God” and respect our God, the one this great nation was founded on. A Christian God.

Why is that too much to ask? A little respect, you know? This is the greatest country in the world. Take off your hat and put your hand over your heart when our anthem gets played.

Call me a redneck, I don’t care because maybe that’s what I am. I love my country and I love Jesus Christ. He was a carpenter you know.

I gotta tell ya just because “Joe The Plumber” isn’t a plumber and his name’s not Joe and he can’t afford to buy the business he works for, doesn’t mean he isn’t Joe Sixpack and a regular American with the same problems we all have.

The Bible says an eye for an eye and that’s why abortion doctors sometimes reap what they’ve sown. I don’t condone it but I understand. Even if it’s rape, it’s not up to us to decide. I mean, a life is a life. The bible says so. Unless of course, if that life has taken another, or sold dope, or is a traitor or a terrorist. Face it, what better deterrent is there than the death penalty?

People should understand that we’ll kill them if they screw up in America. Justice should be swift and mighty. Every war, including this one we’re in now, is for justice and truth and democracy. Even when it’s really hard, America does the right thing. Always.

You know, W. is a good man. He made a few mistakes. All Presidents do. Nobody’s perfect. He cares about us. I feel it. He’s a good man. I’d really like to have a beer with him. I bet he’s friendly and regular. Cheney’s a little spooky but he’s just the brains of the operation.

So whatever about the gays. It’s a choice and there are consequences. We all pay a price for bad decisions and that’s one of the great things about America. Accountability. No way will this American stand for faggots who want to soil the Christian institution of marriage. It’s holy and sacred. Can’t you people just leave it alone? What difference could it possibly make in their lives and their futures?

It’s a symbol. That’s why they want it so bad. It’s just silly.

Show me a homosexual and I’ll show you a liberal. Wanna bet?

It’s like they think it will make them legitimate somehow. Uh, not in the eyes of this patriot.

In a lot of ways, it’s like the French. We saved their asses in The Big One. What have they ever done for us besides sneer and act like we’re bullies and brutes? Overcharge us for wine and cheese. Ingrates. Why do we bother?

Those countries that sell their oil to the Chinese instead of us; it might be time to introduce them to the United States Navy.

McCain fought to save us from communism. He’s got my vote because he’s a genuine hero. This Sarah Palin is sassy and real and they’re both mavericks. I like that. I don’t care how smart Obama is. That’s not was this is about. I’ve always been suspicious of book learning as opposed to street smarts. This guy Obama eats arugula and fish eggs. He went to Harvard. I think his wife did too.

Tea with a pinky out.

By the way, Michelle Obama has been ashamed of America. Only recently proud. Can you believe this shit? Now what does America, the best country in the world, have to be ashamed of?

You know what else bothers me? What does it say to the rest of the world if America elects an African American Muslim for President? The world respects us. We are the example. America is the bar. There’s a ton of responsibility there and we’re gonna be held accountable.

The one thing I can agree with the liberals about is the idea that this country has it’s head in the shitter.

We can’t afford this second guessing and insecurity when it comes too choosing our leaders. A man with over two decades in the Senate. A man who’s crashed four airplanes and is still with us. A woman who shoots moose. A woman who’s been both Mayor and Governor of the wilderness. Both these Americans are patriots.

A woman who doesn’t break a sweat while spending more than twice what most American’s make in a year on two months worth of clothes. She wants to look good for us.

A man who’s not afraid to call his wife a “cunt” in public.

Drinks for my friends.