Death of a salesman

“I’ve never wished a man dead but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” -Mark twain

I understand Osama Bin Laden has been introduced to the dirt nap by forces commanded by Barack Hussein Obama.

No question about it, this is pretty big.

Here’s what I’m thinking at this hour.  Who the fuck cares?  It just doesn’t matter.  So it took a decade.  It depends where you are on the whole thing but regardless, who gives a mad fuck?  Yeah, he apparently masterminded  the deaths of over three thousand Americans ten years ago.  The FBI professed it didn’t have enough evidence to put the bastard on a most wanted list.  Dumbya admitted on live television that he didn’t give a mad fuck where he was.

The CIA retired the program that was tasked to pursue and bring him to justice five or six years ago.

Nobody screaming for his head since the last time I visited the 7-11 or the Palestinian consulate.

This is ridiculous.  Watch us earnestly pretend to care for at least a couple few 24 hour news cycles.  The coverage will be breathless and obtuse.  The self righteous will wax jingoistic and ashes to ashes, we’ll all fall down.  This doesn’t have anything to do with anything.  It has been beside the point since you first heard the name.  It simply has nothing at all to do with our current struggles and pales in comparison to the the enemy who would undermine us at every turn in a heartbeat.  That enemy is us.  The war on terror is a colossal joke.  A house of cards.  Really.  More of us die everyday as a result of deregulation and pet dander than because of terrorism.  I’m sick of this shit.

Yeah it sucked but we would have forgotten if not for being constantly reminded.

We lust so passionately for an adversary that isn’t one of us because deep down we understand that we are our own worst enemy.  We are our own worst enemy.  We are sick.  We visit more egregious and disgusting acts on ourselves than any man half a world away without a cell phone or internet access could ever aspire to.  We are the sand in the Vaseline more than any charismatic asshole in a turban could ever hope to be.

I’ve long held Osama Bin Laden to be not only a paper tiger, but a creature of our own device.

Still, I swear I can’t wait to see and hear how the right wing fucktards, in a hypocritical glucose frenzy clamor to take credit or vigorously attempt to disabuse the rest of us of the notion that this is a victory by and of this administration.  It is that at the very least.  Our man Obama has executed this matter with passion and abandon.  He rocked it and I am proud.  He promised and he flat packed the mail.  He delivered on a rather conspicuous promise.  Good for him.  Good for us.

Props to the troops that delivered in a big way.  He was an asshole after all.

But it doesn’t change “the war on terror”.  It doesn’t make our president a hero.  It doesn’t mean anything at all has changed because it was never was an issue to begin with.

You’ll see how it effects exactly nothing and hopefully understand that it never meant shit.  If Bin Laden’s death allows you a more pleasant slumber, then God bless you, you were an idiot to begin with.  It has nothing to do with anything and it never did.

America is not currently enjoying a terrorist threat.  America has never really been threatened legitimately by terrorists.  I’m not entirely sure what happened on that day day ten years ago, but I will tell you that we have been lied to to rather elaborately about it.  We were and are constantly subjected to recombinant rationale and excuse.  I don’t buy it.  It’s crap.  It’s fucked up and not true.  Osama Bin Laden is not now and has never been Captain Chaos.

He’s been a rather convenient distraction for years now.

Kinda like the TSA/airport rules that will never save a human life.

You want a nemesis?  It’s the plutocrats and oligarchs that pretend to defend you by sponsoring legislation that impugns Sharia law like it’s some existential threat to our freedom and way of life.  Like it’s serious business.  Piss up a rope you assholes, seriously.  Call me a cynic but I call bullshit on every last ounce of it.  We like to believe we’re at war with Islam, like that would be less dumb than being at war with Catholicism.  Give me a goddamn break.  It’s all so dangerously stupid and spectacularly beside the point.

I’m confident this dramatic turn is more placebo than panacea.  It’s a feel good movie of the week in the middle of an economic clusterfuck/tornado season/war on the middle class/American identity crisis.  American men are more legitimately concerned about the copious amounts of hair on their backs and the the lack thereof on their heads than they are the life and times of Osama Bin Laden and that actually makes sense to me.  Bin Laden is a symbol, barely a metaphor; he hasn’t mattered since his name was first invoked.  I don’t care and you shouldn’t either.  This ridiculous “war on terror” and what he represents in that “war” is one of the most elaborate punchlines without a joke I’ve ever heard.

So good for us.  Ding Dong the witch is dead.  I’m here to tell you that this will change nothing.  Things won’t get better or worse.  It won’t have anything to do with anything and the real danger facing us all won’t even blink, but it will smile.  It most probably will roll from one ass cheek to the other and fart like a gorilla in a zoo who’s so sick of looking at people like us, he stopped paying attention years ago.

So anyway, did you see the youtube clips from the White House Correspondent’s dinner?  Obama was silver fuselage cool and that Seth Meyers bit was pretty spot on.

Drinks for my friends.

30 Responses to “Death of a salesman”

  • Mike Saraceno:

    If anything it gave us yet another opportunity to see our president perform well where he said he would. I must also admit that I’ve rather enjoyed watching the haters clamor to deny that The Commander in Chief had anything to do with making it happen, all the while blaming him for everything that’s bad. Another incredibly blatant double standard perpetuated by the great “Dumb”. Ultimately the death of Bin Laden is just another dangled carrot. Hey by the way did you hear The President is an American citizen?

    • Michael Douglass:

      Yeah, we knew all along he was an American. That won’t change things much either. Obama did a good and right thing but it won’t change the situation on the ground much at all. Situation normal, all fucked up inside of three weeks.

  • Peggy in Texas:

    Spot on, once again, Michael … thank you.

  • RedFive:

    As Osama bin Laden’s last act of terrorism, he’s blowing up my FB newsfeed.. Prayers thanking God for “justice on Earth,” poems extolling the virtues of our armed forces (admittedly I’d MUCH rather have the US Navy SEALS on MY team), and expressions of joy about the death of a marginalized extremist who’s been the hide and seek world champion since 2001. Great. Now radical jihadists have a MARTYR for their cause. I totally agree: anyone who feels safer now because of his death was an idiot to start with. The best thing to come of this whole affair is that now I know which of my FB “friends” I need to delete….

  • Thank you for this, Michael. I couldn’t agree more with your words.

  • Teresa:

    Love it Michael very well done. Thanks for posting!

  • Junior's Ghost:

    Can it really be called a dirt nap if he’s buried at sea.

    Think about it. He’s actually part of the aquatic food chain by now. Over the next few years he’s gonna turn up at least in part in my tuna casserole, in your grilled talapia, in the trendiest sushi bar in Tokyo. He’ll be instilling his spirit with us all soon. Does the spirit ever really die?

    You are what you eat. Will Osama be with all of us soon?

    Was it worth it? The man was found within a mile of Pakistan’s version of West Point. What in the fuck is going on here?

  • There are no gods:

    not you best work, thanx.

  • Fiona Mackenzie:

    I don’t find this insignificant at all. I see it as a marker that can be used to end the nonsense of going to war with countries over what needed to be a police action. I hope to see a significantly changed approach to terrorism, centered on rational behavior and not noise and commotion, creating an opportunity to restore our economy, our education, our health care, and our world position.

    Perhaps none of this will happen, but it is an opportunity.

    • Michael Douglass:

      I sincerely hope you’re right and honestly wish for these things to come true. I do believe however, you’re lenses have an obvious shade of rose……….

      Thanks for reading.

  • Munga:

    I think it was valuable to kill the icon of murder, even though it won’t change anything immediately. I think Osama romanticized his viewpoint, which was an undue attraction to those who want to be Muslim-movie-stars-in-heaven. So, I don’t downplay the importance of this as a moral victory rather than as a strategic one.

  • Michael Douglass:

    It absolutely is a moral victory, but in terms of catalyst for change, well, it is absolutely a moral victory.

    Thanks for reading.

  • Zoid:

    Thank you for this. Caustic. Eloquent. Concur with most of it.

  • Thanks Mike,
    Good as usual. I basically said the same thing on FB the other day when it happened. When I saw the president to give a 10:30 PM announcement I figured missiles were inbound. Hmmm… I figured this must be ultra important,, I mean 230+ people died in tornadoes in the south yesterday, a tsunami, nuclear reactor blew up affecting millions just a month ago and there was NO 10:30 PM announcement. I’m thinking, wow we are in deep shit. When they announced this….Bin-Laden has been killed, I couldn’t believe it. I’m ready to bug out and head for the hills and you announce this….? Who gives a rats ass ?

    Could it be that our gov’t is trying to renew patriotism in our country? So people say ,”hey, those guys (in gov’t) are alright” ? Who knows, I do know what the death of Osama bin-Laden changes for me. Nothing !! not one thing ! Anyway Thanks for posting. Good workmanship as always !

    • Michael Douglass:

      True and thank you. I fear it changes very little for those directly affected by the events of 911 too.

  • Midge:

    Love this…true and spot on as usual.

  • Mariann:

    More than 90 countries lost citizens in the attacks on the World Trade Center, they were NOT all americans, apparantly you weren’t paying attention. But thats ok, even the President says it….sigh…I wish someone would correct him.

    • Mariann:


    • Michael Douglass:

      Let me tell you something. The woman I was in love with was a flight attendant for American Airlines and she was in NY that morning. I turned on the television that morning in time to see the first tower fall and I was confused and panicked because I didn’t know where she was. Don’t fucking tell me I wasn’t paying attention. See the goddamn forest and forget the trees.

  • Cathy Rouse Page:

    I am reading this after seeing it in your “memories”. Wow! Five years. I didn’t have Internet then, didn’t join Facebook until 2013.
    As I was reading your words, I was thinking, damn, Michael reached the same conclusions as I did.

Leave a Reply