Mayonnaise  is the most perfect condiment ever.  In the post apocalyptic future where vegetables are rare and hamburgers hard to come by, I will lament the absence of mayonnaise.  I covet that sauce so much that I hoard packets of it whenever I find them.  I suspect foil envelopes linger in the pockets of winter coats I haven’t yet worn this season.  I suspect they will probably be fresh and palatable next season and exciting like money discovered in unlikely places.

What do you say when a child asks for a sip of your wine or beer or cocktail?  You won’t like it.  You won’t understand that the part of the drink that bites is what we like because of the promise of an effervescent numbness. An end to the days events.  It frees you to say what you want.  Not what you think you think but always what you want to say.

I abuse cheese as a substance more than booze.

I lie, it’s a close second.

When I die I want to be incinerated.  I hope there’s a party.  I hope I can at least fill a room.

I’ve been thinking about this murder in Sanford Florida.  This self appointed protector.  George Zimmerman.  This would be neighborhood watch captain,  SUV warrior of the burb protecting the community from a 140 pound kid sporting a bag of Skittles and some brand of tea that’s yet to be infamous.  I had no idea about this retarded law.  MSNBC throws up a map where this insanity is the rule state by state .  I begin to understand the strange fear of certain cousins and uncles and various bigots and roundheads.  Dozens of states with the same crazy law.  This thing is walk in the park obvious.  An asshole with eyes too close together, committed first degree murder in Florida and that is that.  It was premeditated. It is murder.  George Zimmerman pursued and provoked and without that, no matter how the confrontation evolved, there would be one less dead black teenager in Florida, in America, today.  I would love to believe that Trayvon felt threatened enough by this dickhead Zimmerman that he acted under the proviso of the “Stand Your Ground ” law on his own and smacked the snot out of him before the asshole whipped out his big iron and gunned the defenseless adolescent down.  But I doubt that’s how it played out.  It is clear that Zimmerman pursued and provoked despite the clear instruction of the 911 operator.  Despite common sense or reason.  It is painfully obvious that Trayvon Martin was not engaged in any criminal activity.  He wasn’t carrying a crowbar, a hammer or even a baseball bat.  He was not armed and there was nothing to indicate he was involved in anything illegal.  Zimmerman was packing a Nine Millimeter and aching to experience what effect it would have on a “fucking coon” first hand.   I believe in capital punishment about as much as I agree with abortion, so fry the bastard or pair him up for life with a bull hung cellie named Bubba or maybe Darth.

Self defense my ass.

They drug tested the corpse but hardly questioned the murderer.

I always, always use the handicap stall.  I don’t hesitate at all in a public restroom.  I head for the big room. The wide open spaces.  The expansive veranda.  I haven’t seen a handicapped person in a public bathroom since 1966. The year after I was born.  My dad was changing me in the men’s room sink of a casino and some war veteran rolled in and emptied his bag.  I just happened to remember.  I have no fear of the handicapped.

I heard Trayvon’s mother say rather magnanimously that this wasn’t a black and white issue, but a right or wrong issue.

She is only half right because this is stanky racism.

Geraldo Rivera would instruct us all that the real culprit here is the blatantly irresponsible wearing of a hoodie by a dark skinned male.  Douchebag.  Like the woman dressed in a low cut top or a short skirt was asking for it.  Asking to be raped.   Frothy Santorum and Salamander Gingrich would have us believe that the President’s statement that if he had a son, he would look like Trayvon, is an attempt to somehow foment a nonexistent racial imperative that otherwise wouldn’t exist.  Shameless fucking blowhards.  A glistening example of why I loathe these opportunistic fuckers.  How do they sleep?

Just today, the proud leaders of Sanford commit to a low arching campaign of impugning a normal teenager’s character.  Because they are stupid.

It’s not necessary to dwell on the facts and particulars.  There was no investigation to begin with.  At it’s best it’s a hate crime.  No investigation needed.  There was none to begin with.  What we have here is a vigilante misanthrope, a racist fucktard who might just be so dumb that he fails to get the fuck out of Dodge and actually gets arrested a few days from now after the local geniuses involved figure out that they have no choice but to arrest him.  I bet that’s how plays it out. If not, the powers that be of Sanford are realistically close to being chased out with torches and pitchforks.

Or maybe not.  It did transpire in the Dirty South.

That poor kid.  Random.  Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman.   An innocent kid against a jacked up pretend neighborhood watch bigot with a hard on to matter in some desperate way.  Fire them all.  Everyone who had anything to do with it.  The sheriff, the mayor, the city manager.  Put this human puke in jail for the rest of his miserable life.  Official inquiries and investigations will only cloud what actually happened here.  It’s fucking Florida.  They can’t, won’t or are incapable of investigating jay walking.  If ever I’ve seen a reason to rush to justice, this is it.

I feel the sympathy and the outrage.  I’m horrified by the false sympathy and  manufactured outrage.  This is America.  This year of our lord, 2012.  Sometimes it looks like we haven’t learned a goddamn thing. Thank God I’m an atheist.

Goodnight Uncle Larry.  May you rest in peace.

Drinks for my friends.

35 Responses to “The Dirty South”