“I’ve never wished a man dead but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” -Mark twain

I understand Osama Bin Laden has been introduced to the dirt nap by forces commanded by Barack Hussein Obama.

No question about it, this is pretty big.

Here’s what I’m thinking at this hour.  Who the fuck cares?  It just doesn’t matter.  So it took a decade.  It depends where you are on the whole thing but regardless, who gives a mad fuck?  Yeah, he apparently masterminded  the deaths of over three thousand Americans ten years ago.  The FBI professed it didn’t have enough evidence to put the bastard on a most wanted list.  Dumbya admitted on live television that he didn’t give a mad fuck where he was.

The CIA retired the program that was tasked to pursue and bring him to justice five or six years ago.

Nobody screaming for his head since the last time I visited the 7-11 or the Palestinian consulate.

This is ridiculous.  Watch us earnestly pretend to care for at least a couple few 24 hour news cycles.  The coverage will be breathless and obtuse.  The self righteous will wax jingoistic and ashes to ashes, we’ll all fall down.  This doesn’t have anything to do with anything.  It has been beside the point since you first heard the name.  It simply has nothing at all to do with our current struggles and pales in comparison to the the enemy who would undermine us at every turn in a heartbeat.  That enemy is us.  The war on terror is a colossal joke.  A house of cards.  Really.  More of us die everyday as a result of deregulation and pet dander than because of terrorism.  I’m sick of this shit.

Yeah it sucked but we would have forgotten if not for being constantly reminded.

We lust so passionately for an adversary that isn’t one of us because deep down we understand that we are our own worst enemy.  We are our own worst enemy.  We are sick.  We visit more egregious and disgusting acts on ourselves than any man half a world away without a cell phone or internet access could ever aspire to.  We are the sand in the Vaseline more than any charismatic asshole in a turban could ever hope to be.

I’ve long held Osama Bin Laden to be not only a paper tiger, but a creature of our own device.

Still, I swear I can’t wait to see and hear how the right wing fucktards, in a hypocritical glucose frenzy clamor to take credit or vigorously attempt to disabuse the rest of us of the notion that this is a victory by and of this administration.  It is that at the very least.  Our man Obama has executed this matter with passion and abandon.  He rocked it and I am proud.  He promised and he flat packed the mail.  He delivered on a rather conspicuous promise.  Good for him.  Good for us.

Props to the troops that delivered in a big way.  He was an asshole after all.

But it doesn’t change “the war on terror”.  It doesn’t make our president a hero.  It doesn’t mean anything at all has changed because it was never was an issue to begin with.

You’ll see how it effects exactly nothing and hopefully understand that it never meant shit.  If Bin Laden’s death allows you a more pleasant slumber, then God bless you, you were an idiot to begin with.  It has nothing to do with anything and it never did.

America is not currently enjoying a terrorist threat.  America has never really been threatened legitimately by terrorists.  I’m not entirely sure what happened on that day day ten years ago, but I will tell you that we have been lied to to rather elaborately about it.  We were and are constantly subjected to recombinant rationale and excuse.  I don’t buy it.  It’s crap.  It’s fucked up and not true.  Osama Bin Laden is not now and has never been Captain Chaos.

He’s been a rather convenient distraction for years now.

Kinda like the TSA/airport rules that will never save a human life.

You want a nemesis?  It’s the plutocrats and oligarchs that pretend to defend you by sponsoring legislation that impugns Sharia law like it’s some existential threat to our freedom and way of life.  Like it’s serious business.  Piss up a rope you assholes, seriously.  Call me a cynic but I call bullshit on every last ounce of it.  We like to believe we’re at war with Islam, like that would be less dumb than being at war with Catholicism.  Give me a goddamn break.  It’s all so dangerously stupid and spectacularly beside the point.

I’m confident this dramatic turn is more placebo than panacea.  It’s a feel good movie of the week in the middle of an economic clusterfuck/tornado season/war on the middle class/American identity crisis.  American men are more legitimately concerned about the copious amounts of hair on their backs and the the lack thereof on their heads than they are the life and times of Osama Bin Laden and that actually makes sense to me.  Bin Laden is a symbol, barely a metaphor; he hasn’t mattered since his name was first invoked.  I don’t care and you shouldn’t either.  This ridiculous “war on terror” and what he represents in that “war” is one of the most elaborate punchlines without a joke I’ve ever heard.

So good for us.  Ding Dong the witch is dead.  I’m here to tell you that this will change nothing.  Things won’t get better or worse.  It won’t have anything to do with anything and the real danger facing us all won’t even blink, but it will smile.  It most probably will roll from one ass cheek to the other and fart like a gorilla in a zoo who’s so sick of looking at people like us, he stopped paying attention years ago.

So anyway, did you see the youtube clips from the White House Correspondent’s dinner?  Obama was silver fuselage cool and that Seth Meyers bit was pretty spot on.

Drinks for my friends.

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