Archive for the ‘Bob’s’ Category

This fucking Harry Reid as a racist thing is comedy.

Harry Reid will never be caught in an ethical or moral scandal.  My Mother was his secretary and he is at least an honest man.  I will take your money over this.  I simply know it to be true.

I blame society and the media.

Really, I do.

I haven’t always agreed with him and he’s pissed me off.  I understand he’s not polling well.  I dare say it might and maybe should come down to the Devil you know versus the one you don’t.  Harry Reid as Senate Majority Leader is a big deal for a state with our meager population and vast tracts of irradiated desert that Washington wants to turn into the nation’s toxic nuclear septic tank.

Fuck that shit.  No more nuclear energy until we figure out what to do with the waste.  Thanks be to Harry thus far.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada described in private then-Sen. Barack Obama as “light skinned” and “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” -Yahoo

Sounds a little rough.  Context kids.  Biden said something like clean and articulate.  A far poorer choice of words and he’s Vice President.  See, Mr. Reid was speaking with candor among colleagues.  He was assessing the candidate’s chances of success in light of how racist America remained.  Remains; because, bear with me here, we’re really finding out just how racist America still is.

You must admit it’s really reared its ugly head.

Mr. Reid was guilty of being matter of fact in light of what the stupidest quarter* I’ve alluded to before would end up thinking and doing.  For the record, the stupidest quarter have behaved exactly as we all thought, thus vindicating Senator Reid.  They didn’t make fun of how he talked and only accused him of being an Arab or maybe Muslim.  Turns out Harry was exactly right.

Senator Reid apologized immediately and our President said, “I’ve seen the passionate leadership he’s shown on issues of social justice and I know what’s in his heart,” Obama said yesterday. “As far as I am concerned, the book is closed.”  -Yahoo

More than enough for me.  To be fair he also characterized the comments as “unfortunate”.  Who knows what he meant exactly but I agree.  Unfortunate.  Yes.  It shouldn’t be an issue, but it is, and you’re an idiot if you can’t see it.  I’m not here to apologize for ignorance or stupidity and I don’t believe that’s what has occurred here.  What we have here is a truthful man speaking privately in support of a man who would become our first black President.

I know it’s awkward but Harry Reid was being honest and I admire his prompt contrition.  He knows what he he meant but he’s humiliated by how it sounds.

Michael Steele called for Dirty Harry’s resignation today.  Didn’t see that one coming.  Let’s politicize racism and who better to foment than a black Republican?  He asks rhetorically.  Somewhere Gomer Pyle chuckles with abandon.  Surprise, surprise, surprise.  Michael Steele should be the titular Head Douchebag of the Republican party forever.  He’s as good for the world as Sarah Palin because they’re both the same caliber of stupid.  The somewhat sociopathic kind that is relatively rare in most walks of life but prevalent in low IQ conservative, ideological and fucktardian political circles.

You know, the kind that fail up.

Is this racism?  You bet.  Is Harry Reid a racist?

Piss up a rope.

Drinks for my friends.

*When Nixon was forced to resign, his approval rating was about 25%.  When George W. Bush left office, his approval rating was about 25%.  I can think of no better proof that one in four Americans is a dipshit.

Surreal.

Life gets more and more strange and I thank the powers that be for that.  I am grateful.

I’m not bored.

I sort of covet anarchy.  I kinda like chaos.  I’m a big drinker and like to burn one.  Indeed, after a few glasses of gin, the wing of a plane can be achieved rather easily by a well packed bowl or two.  Maybe a percocet or uh, oxycontin, when the Devil’s weed is unavailable.

I’m just sayin’.  It puts me firmly in my thoughts.  This blog fueled by gin only.  Tanqueray ’cause it was on sale but I prefer Bombay Sapphire.  I covet the bottle whether it be green or blue.

” ……..don’t doubt that the randomness of life is in some way synchronized with all the things that we don’t
understand about the universe. It’s what we do know that confounds us.                                                                                                                                                                                       All the while, what we don’t know blows us along. ” -Me

Now, as much as I favor the random, let me be clear, I’m not about violence.  Violence confuses and disgusts me.  Religion confuses and disgusts me as well.  As does politics.

I need to be disgusted and confused.  I like politics.

Let’s talk about what I like.  Dean Wormer’s wife from Animal House is my original milf.  I’m not sure why.  She was dirty and  somewhat sophisticated.  Well, her and Robbie Chiappe’s mom, Pam.  She was hotter than Georgia asphalt.  Sucks that she’s probably in her sixties now.  Oh, and Julie Newmar.  Damn, all these women that I wouldn’t have known what to do with even if I had the chance, are old now.  This concept really chaps my ass lately.  Not fair.

I think it’s important to always have a jar of decent pickles in the fridge.  Various cheeses including Bob’s Big Boy Bleu Cheese Dressing.  I like white meat smoked turkey franks from Ballpark.  A selection of gourmet mustards and no other brand but Best Foods Mayonnaise; Hellmann’s east of the Mississippi.  Olives are good and so is a decent tapenade.  Crackers.   It’s important to have good olive oil and balsamic vinegar on hand.

Good God the right wing is fucking nuts.  The more they marginalize themselves the more violent their tantrums become.  Blind shithouse batshit.  I’m completely confident in stating, with all rational conviction, that the underlying, indeed barely concealed catalyst, is nothing other than racism.  They fear the pigmentation.  They held with certainty the notion that neither a black man or a woman could be elected president and thus their brains were dashed and broken on the rocks of the emerging ethic of American progress.

It really is that simple.  The truth is simply this bare.  Stark.  Austere.

It was one of the late night hosts who wondered how this ass clown Wilson from Sanford territory, was able to endure eight years of Dumbya telling him everything was just fine without losing his shit and then barking during a nationally televised address before both houses of congress, prime time.  The obvious answer, it wasn’t a half black liberal president saying it.  That and he’s a goddamn moron.

By far the largest concentration of Birthers reside in the South.  Not so coincidentally, the least educated and most likely to be Republican region in America.  Not all Republicans are hypocrites, but if you’re a hypocrite, you’re most likely a Republican, as the saying goes.

I really hate these pricks.

How much longer do we put up with this insanity?

Eddie Murphy said in 48 Hours to a bunch of backward ass country fucks, “I’m your worst nightmare, a nigger with a badge.”

That is precisely what’s afoot here at our Circle K.  I’ve taken this tack before, but I’m starting to get really spooked.  I mean instead of being appropriately embarrassed by Turret’s Wilson, many in the GOP are emboldened.  Before this, we had screaming astroturfers strapped to the nines at town halls.  Birthers, Deathers, Tenthers……each manifestation of racial hatred more ignoble and meretricious than the last.

Palin accuses the President of demonizing our troops on her facebook page for mentioning the cost of the war of no reason in his speech before congress.  I thought it was solid irony.  We spent this much killing people, why not spend next to nothing saving lives?  I’m still hopeful they run this clueless hag in 2012.  Oh, the burlesque.  Please Santa, I’ll be real good ’til then.  I’ll give up my two front teeth.

Glenn Beck, Fox news’ most pulchritudinous clown, the same dickhead who claims the levees were allowed to fail to cover up ACORN corruption, will be exploiting 9/11 in the most audacious of ways with his 9/12 project.  A march on the Capitol and festivities funded by Dick Armey’s  Freedom Works (charging as much as $10,000.00 a pop for participation) and co-sponsored by NARLO, a domestic terrorist organization that anticipates with zeal, a violent revolution against our government and secession leading to civil war.  Joe “you lie” Wilson will be speaking along with crazies like Mike Pence and Jim DeMint.  A clusterfuck of mental invalids.  Astroturf at it’s most egregious.

Ever more frightening.  Ever more ominous.  Something wicked this way comes.  I’ve gone from disgusted, to amused, to fearful.  The climate gets indefatigably uglier and ever more maniacal.  Death threats against the President of The United States of America are up over four hundred percent compared to the previous administration.  Feel me?

“Its all building up to something,
Something that can be repeated with fire” -Pete Townshend

You see where I’m going with this.  I’m wondering where it stops.  Where does it end?  Can it be thwarted and how?  I really don’t know.  The far right base shrinks as  desperation blooms.  The animal is wounded.  Nothing more dangerous than a wounded animal in fear and cornered.

The hate train steaming under the guise of our first amendment is poised to do damage that can’t be undone.  I’m confused and disgusted.

This is where we are.  Happy 9/11 everybody.

Drinks for my friends.

There simply is no cogent remonstrance to be made for Sarah Palin’s resignation being in anyone’s best interest but her own.  Callow, cowardly and nothing if not character as yet still inchoate.  A better, smarter  politician would have stepped back, done personal inventory and realized her own tempest was precisely that.  Her own.

Instead, she threw in the towel and walked away, blaming everyone but herself.  She did not belong there and that’s not entirely her fault but none of it is mine.

Maybe there was an epiphany.  Maybe she finally realized she was in way over her head.

That would be nice.

Ideally, she could own some some humility, regroup and educate herself on the issues;  a little geography and some foreign policy.  If the content of her character was what her and her mouth breathing Christian conservative base would have us believe, after some sincere and earnest wood shedding, she could rise to the occasion.  Re-emerge a more sober, thoughtful and with luck, a far better informed public figure.

Either way, I suspect she has for all intents and purposes, taken the political dirt nap.  Notwithstanding her rabid enthusiasts, typically of the under informed and aforementioned mouth breathing variety, the pooch has pretty much been gang raped.  The resolute, far right, Christian neoconservative base is in decline.  An accelerated rate of atrophy as it goes the way of the Dodo.

Cheney tried.  He failed.  He will be hated forever.  He dines on live infants.

I’m not too broken up.  Political Darwinism eroding a really stupid and toxic doctrine.  As rapidly as the jackasses ascended, so precipitous is their decline.  Self correction as it should be; kinda vengeful.

Should she choose to run in 2012, her comeuppance will be complete.  Even were she to stage the most spectacular transformation ever witnessed by the instantaneous post technocratic media, she will arrive obsolete.  Redundant.  Too little too late.  She will embarrass herself and her party.  Her mascara will run.  She will remain a sullen runner up to prom queen.  No ride in the magic float.

It’s my hope she tries her hand at something else.  I get the feeling this was her first real ass kicking.  She caved.  Better to know it now, huh?

Sheezus.

My advice to you Mrs. Todd Palin is to pursue entertainment.  Not journalism.  Entertainment.  Broadcasting.  Somebody said something about a talk show.  This your best option.  I would get there soon.  You’ve already got a huge book deal.  Get a radio show.  Start slow.  Learn the business.  You’re not stupid, just not very smart.  You are the paradigm of right wing radio.  Right between G. Gordon Liddy and Glenn Beck.  The very exclusive, very elite of the ridiculous douchebags.

Learn to talk to people that are only as smart as you are.  You’ll be so much happier.

So will the rest of us.

Drinks for my friends.

The salient point I’m about to serve up is not original.  It is not mine, I just happen to enthusiastically agree.

Names have not been changed to protect a single asshole.

Off we go.

If I hear another Republican dipshit criticize Obama’s reaction to the the Iranian election clusterfuck, when they all know as well as anyone else, for us to intervene or interfere anymore than we have is counter to foreign policy 101, with a country like Iran who’s history we’ve meddled in disastrously, I’ll projectile puke.

Shut up you idiots.  Our Man’s course of action is obvious, informed and reasonable.  What would you have him do?

Ridiculous and absurd.  Their own people asking us not to wade into their affairs again.  They are grateful for our support.  Yet they understand better than the royal “we”, that any influence perceived as American fuel in this struggle will dilute it and ultimately disease it.

Duh.

Iranians and Americans cannot afford for American government to be a component of this struggle.  It would ruin it.  It’s that simple.

The douchebags that persist in shouting that crap from the roof tops aren’t doing favors for anyone.  McCain, Bill Bennett, Lindsey Graham and Newt.  A message that only falls on the ears of the great unwashed.  The lowest common denominator.  The deaf.  The stupid.  The under informed.  The arrogant jingo assholes who think it’s our duty to force our bullshit on every other camper.

Work with me, it was this exact thinking that got us into the trouble we’re in now.

I’m here to tell you that terrorists will not be killing you in your bed.  They really are the least of our worries and even that’s an accident.  If you’re on a list as a suspected terrorist, your biggest problem will be boarding a commercial airliner.  The least of your inconveniences are buying guns or explosives.  If you are an evil doer (love those two words), your best bet is some destruction at home as opposed to interstate travel.  Our advice to you is to shit where you eat.  The current terrorist watch list of more than a million members, does not prevent anyone from purchasing guns or even explosives, interstate travel however, is far more difficult.

You bet.  Yeah baby we’re on it.  Fear not, the NRA has your back.

It’s a goddamn joke and we are pigs.

God has not even dick to do with it.

An election was stolen from the Iranian people.  They are indignant and I understand.  I think they just might be an example to us.  C’mon.  Their bravery is awesome.  We have been giant vaginas.  Forgive the gender aspect.  I’m just saying.

We should stay out of it for obvious reasons and let them show us how it’s done.

I’m getting tired of American hubris.  Who the fuck do we think we are?

Drinks for my friends.

More than a little pensive.

The citizens of Iran have a profoundly legitimate beef.  One of the best kind.  Noble and justified.  An obviously rigged election.  Blatant.  Ridiculous.  The turn out was over 120%.  Bullshit is the given.

Tomorrow may inform us of eventual fate.  The Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei,  deigned to wade in today on the Sabbath, by vehicle of his scheduled sermon.  Just another day of worship.  He was clear:  Those who “take wrong measures which are harmful, they will be held accountable for all violence.” He called President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad “the absolute victor” in last week’s election…..”  -CNN.com

This sucks.

I’m spooked.  The difference between these human events and Tiananmen Square for example, is that despite the Iranian government’s game face and perseverant campaign to control information, this revolution just may be televised.  Forgive my trite.  I’m not here to obviate something so big and ripe.  I fear what happens next.  Both sides are more than aware that the entire world watches.

The chances of a fistfight are always multiplied by an audience.  Always.

The Ayatollah didn’t merely draw a line in the sand.  He came out with serious lumber.  He tells the people of Iran that they are welcome to test his bat.  He tells them it will be ugly.  I’m really afraid of that.  I think it’s quite likely.  Man, I hope not.  Did you know that Iran is arguably the most pro-American country in the entire region?  These people are in trouble and I doubt they will walk away.  There will be blood.  There already has been.

Iranians are not pussies.

Our Man’s facility with it all has been pitch perfect.  He understands that any movement in Iran perceived as being fomented or even endorsed by the US government is a guarantee it will sink under that weight.  The asshat Republicans shouting jingoistic bullshit from the rooftops are posturing with lamentable irresponsibility.  Man I hate these pricks.  No compassion, zero sensibility, reckless abandon in pursuit of grandeur.  Shut the fuck up.

Iran is a modern society.  It has a vibrant and youthful population, progressive by regional standards.  Amazingly, a huge chunk of them don’t hate us.  Really.

My fear is that the Iranian people will suffer for whatever they do tomorrow.  For years.

It is the covert option that most media fails to talk about.  I’m afraid they will be picked off at random, regardless of participation, until, you know, morale improves.  I don’t see tanks but I do see terror.  For years.  They know full well, both sides get it.  Tomorrow is going to be interesting.

See, we’re all just citizens of the world.  After the sun impregnates the horizon and the stars come out, the day is done and we are all the same.  We really are all the same.  I live in a big city so ethnic diversity is but a part of my coat of many colors.  Whether your thing is prayer or the power of positive thinking, it’s time to do a little dance.

Wisdom, safety and support to the people of Iran.

And, um, fuck the Ayatollah.

Drinks for my friends.

Today I learned of the existence of baconnaise.

This brought courtesy of The Daily Show.

I’m broke as fuck but I’m headed to Ralph’s first thing to get me some.  I’ve still got quarters.  Sounds like the world’s ultimate condiment to me.  Oh my.  The possibilities boggle.  With french fries or on a sandwich.  Combined with sour cream and chives for dipping.  Inside a doughnut.  Fish & chips?  With a squirt of lemon?  This shit is huge.  Could be the best thing since Bob’s Bleu Cheese Dressing.

Nevermind I said that.  Blasphemy.

Sheezus, I’m ashamed.

So you know, I’m pretty sure the Bob’s gave me the crapanacious the other night when I combined it with generic Doritos.  We’re talking volume and velocity.  I was impressed.  Prodigious thrust.

Baconnaise.  Fuck me.  Gonna be a really big show.

More important was a segment that succeeded in contrasting the reality of the Iranian people with what we’ve been sold and bought under Dumbya.  Most of us were already aware of this despicable gulf between a dictated perception and actual opinions of the people and the events on the ground in Iran.

Don’t forget the great unwashed.

McCain infamously sang the bomb, bomb, bomb……bomb bomb Iran song while campaigning for President just last year.  The Bush administration had an embarrassingly obvious hard on for Iran for at least it’s last four years.  The same kind your Black Lab or Irish Setter wags in front of everybody at every gathering you ever  host.

I like girl cats.

This is why they fear Obama.  It’s hope.  And fear.  And no more of that other shit.  With dignity and wisdom he stays out of it almost entirely.  Has the State Department ask Twitter to reschedule some maintenance hours.  He’s on it and staying out of it.  Nice.

The net effect really does reflect the quality of cheese in hand.  Smooth.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Then a successful communication because of a complex humiliation.  The previous administration is really hoping we don’t remember glimpsing their lipstick penises at picnics.  Iran is not a monster.  They want the same things we do.  To live long and prosper.  In peace.

The unwashed loathe Obama because he’s seen their penises and they haven’t seen his.  They would have him be the Bull in the China shop in Iran.  They pretend to not understand how stupid that is.  To not remember the chaos that was wrought from their ludicrous lockstep loyalty to the biggest collection of assholes in history.

Refuse to remember how we were on the verge of war with yet another nation the represented no threat at all to us.

Goddamn these guys are stupid.

All this illumination for the masses from Comedy Central.  As opposed to any news network.  That really is my point here.  So much energy spent to dehumanize these people and they show us in a flash that they may just be more courageous and sincere than we can boast of being.

We are far from real.  Not even close.  The Iranian people show us.  Hundreds of thousands marching silently.  When the guns of the government appear, they sit where they stood, in silence.   Tens of thousands.  Hundreds of thousands.  Awesome.

The disparity between  Mirhossein Mousavi and Ahmadinejad is far narrower than between  Obama and McCain.  Forgive me, at least on the surface.

The most compelling aspects are not on the evening news.  Most of US don’t even know.  A whole row of teeth that will be given away here.  Twenty million people will chew wrong if they don’t play this game exactly right.

One way or another.

Courage be to you people.

I am impressed.

Drinks for my friends.