Archive for the ‘Guiliani’ Category

What the hell?

A thoroughly embrocated, hallowed chair and institution of itself, was became the Senate seat occupied by Mr. Kennedy for decades until his death.

Now threatened by an “independent” Republican goddamn teabagger.  I stumble over the last sentence more than once because it sounds so dirty.

In Massachusetts for fucks sake.  He posed nude in Cosmo for crying out loud.  Show me a politician with some juice and I’ll show you a lead singer wannabe.  Even Ashcroft had pipes but he was ugly, stupid and mostly evil.

A bitch.  A diva……

A frustrated cross dresser like Guiliani.

Scott Brown claimed to not know about the tea party movement but took their money after attending a fund raiser this very month.  He supports Roe v. Wade as “the law of the land” but pledges to be the the 41st vote against virtually any health care reform.  He says he drives a truck with over 200,00 thousand miles but is by any contemporary standard, at least somewhat wealthy.  What and who exactly is this guy?

According to his own website he favors lower taxes.  Forgive me, but a Republican never says that without meaning lowering taxes on the rich and to hell with the rest of us.  Trickle Down Economics is pure crap and anyone in favor of it is either ignorant or not a friend of the middle class.  The middle class used to be our moral, ethical and intellectual ballast.

Now that it’s in atrophy, we’re having an identity crisis see.

“Israel has made enormous sacrifices in an attempt to secure peace – including unilateral withdrawal from Gaza”  -from Scott Brown’s campaign website.  And yes, that is bullshit.

What we do know is that a health care bill is on a very steep hill if we lose this seat.

I’m having a tough time giving a mad fuck because the last one out of the Senate was prime swampland.  No public option but a mandate to buy with fines if you don’t.  Fines that go directly to the insurance companies.  There’s more but that’s enough.  Blow me.

Other than that, I’m real worried about Sarah being a contributor to FOX tie me to the bedpost News.  Not.

I gotta find that O’Reilly interview.  This shit is gonna be great.  What I’ve seen is already good.  Pray she doesn’t wig to early because the longer it goes on the more spectacular the flame out.  Don’t be afraid.  Embrace the Palin.  Encourage her celebrity.  Don’t buy any of her books though.  Make sure you don’t end up providing her with a dime.

The best part of this circus is about to be free.  Jon Stewart and the like are pants shittingly gleeful.

Cirque du Palin.

It works if you make the ‘a’ long……like Pawlin……accent second syllable.

Make the ‘a’ long….see?

Another thing that is bothering me still:  How much faster our black President responded to an international disaster of enormous magnitude than did our white president to a domestic disaster that was allowed to live up to most of it’s potential as a direct consequence of neglect and egregious incompetence.  Maybe it’s genetic.  Dudes from Hawaii with big ears are smarter.  Dudes from Texas by way of Connecticut with big ears are charismatically retarded.

It’s not racial at all.  Despite Limbaugh, The Human Shitsmear’s assertions that our current President has hopped and skipped to because of the color of your average Haitan’s skin.  Without a nod to any other megalomaniac with media access, it’s not racial at all.  Don’t forget that.

Understand, Rush Limbaugh is a racist.  For those about to rock, we salute you.  He’s a turd in the punchbowl.  He’s a bloviating, pontificating, make shit up as he goes, racist, bigot fucktard that I would debate or play chess with or both in a heartbeat so I could pull his limbs from his body after spanking his brain with the brick of my own.

Sincere political debate pivots on policy and reason and a modicum of comity.  That there’s a dialog here about Haiti beyond what to do, is proof that the conversation is in the woods.  Proof that a lot of us still aren’t paying attention.  Let me say this, 25% of Americans are incurably stupid.  This is a long standing theory of mine that consistently bears itself out.  Proof can be had on this very show.  It will now be known as “The 1/4 Paradigm”.  You will think of it often as one of every four people you meet is a dumbass.

That’s all you need to know.

Drinks for my friends.

I say without equivocation, certainly without apology, Bill Maher rocks. His show, the format, the concept and the man. New Rules is consistently brilliant. No exception tonight. And it’s entertaining. Wow.

I understand he’s an arrogant bastard. Oh well.

How much my perception and enthusiasm have to do with the fact there was only one douchebag on the panel and he was an authentic douchebag? I just can’t say.

Toss him some government cheese for pointing out how absurd it was for Tenet to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Snatch it from him for neglecting to mention Franks and Bremer.

The graph and measure of my fanhood for Janeane Garofalo is far from pretty, but she was on like a pyrex bong. Smarter and more aggressive than the aforementioned douchebag, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal named John Fund. No shit, that’s his name. Get it?

She described Republicans, using the example of the RNC, as unrestrained id that throws red meat out for the dopes. That’s hot. She also shouted, “that’s such unbelievable bullshit”. It matters not at all what she was talking about. She bared teeth and drew her sword.

This guy Fund smiled an idiot smile, obfuscated and attempted to patronize and condescend until the bell. He came off, despite his best efforts, precisely like a douchebag.

Bill brought in Roseanne at the end. She was shrill, opinionated, sarcastic. aggressive and completely on the money. Absolutely right.

The show opened with Paul Begala explaining to us that what Axlerod and Our Man have been doing is similiar to that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson is telling his men to hold. Hold. Hold……..and then he lowers his sword. The Scots commence to open a giant keg of whoop ass on the English. These are my people you know. My ancestors.

I hope so.

This race will be far more entertaining, maybe even more aesthetically rich and dense like cheescake, satisfying like sushi and beer, if Begala is right. I hope so, because it’s also absolutely necessary. I’m over being the pussy party. Outsmart them and hand them their asses too.

Tired, tired, tired of this shit.

Salman Rushdie bats a good clean up and Maher fields the ball whenever Fund gets his bat on it. A couple times, Maher fired it back hard from the infield and hit the smug prick in the mouth. He kept his composure, still it was gorgeous.

Roseanne walked on at the end to throw nothing but beanballs. She only shut up for Bill and spent the rest of her time throwing hard at the douchebag’s head. This too, was gorgeous.

After this week’s media, I welcome the actual pummeling of any mealy mouthed conservative with a cartoon fucking grin. Every successful Republican has one of those unrealistically false grins. Imagine Romney or the rictus on Guilliani. Like they’re drawn on. Like a cartoon. Except Cheney. He hasn’t actually smiled since his late twenties, when he learned to masturbate. Prick.

All four heart attacks, he was found with pants around ankles, both hands on his johnson. Darth’s pet name for his trouser twninkie is Lyndon Baines. I made this last part up.

Maher’s point about cynicism being when you say shit, despite knowing better than the dumb people, you still say it because the dumb people will buy it and they can get you elected, made me somewhat tumid. I couldn’t agree more. Tumescence.

What’s happening here is a collision between the smart and the stupid. A clash brought on by the profound differences in our candidates. Both ideologically, and how they are perceived as people. How people identify with them. The bright and the dim.

Methinks it’s a jacked up set of circumstances.

How much does that suck? The good fight is for the hearts and minds of the willfully ingnorant and the garden variety dipshits. Shameful, and not only because it’s never been won solely with truth and honesty. Yet it hasn’t. Ever. There’s just too goddamn many of them. The ignorant, the willfully ignorant and the masses unclean. They don’t read and they pay only passing respect to awareness.

The righteous rarely prevail in contemporary American politics because of the naivete of adhering to and believing in, justice, honor and integrity.

As I write this, the evil bastards are competing and maybe winning by ignoring the issues save to lie about them. I’ve seen this my entire adult life. I read conservative blogs, watch Hannity and listen to Limbaugh. I know precisely how they do it. If I’m not able see a few moves ahead, I know where to look. I seek the words of the intellectually irresponsible.

Why can’t the good fight do this? Why won’t they? Doubtfire is as dirty as a pig and Palin is the lipstick. Our Man pointed it out on Letterman.

I think what’s been missing here is a willingness to throw hands. Kerry sucked and Gore wasn’t much better. They both rolled around till the Republicans found the wet spot. Either one of the Clintons will kick an ass if given the chance and that’s why they have been so successful. They will light you up just to remind you. When a Republican begins to spit they know to make a fist. Far from perfect these two, but there are lessons to be learned under even the smallest of stones.

Billary are still the biggest boulders in the Democratic party.

Put them out front as shock troops if they agree. They will. Our Man and his people need to take notes. I’d hate to see the most important election in the history of this country decided by the party most willing to punch balls. Yet it’s at least a requisite factor in any modern campaign strategy. Be ready and willing to swing straight for the sack.

I’m not seeing enough of this from my side. I smell vagina. I smell kittens, tofu and arugula, sauvignon blanc and a mild gorgonzola. Our stereotype sucks. Rednecks are known for a willingness to throw down. A liberal would then get a restraining order and sue the redneck. I know, I’m a liberal.

We need to start swinging, because this shit is fucked up and idiots aren’t bad people, they’re just idiots.

Back burner defense, get offensive. Get in faces. Palin and McCain are plenty vulnerable and they clearly don’t know shit about defending themselves. They are wide fucking open. Ducks in repose.

Don’t be afraid to punch the mouthy hick in the balls. You can’t change his mind so attempt to disable him.

I imagine Doubtfire has a handle on this kinda fuckery after 2000. I think he was most seduced by the concept of ‘attack with fuses burning’. Preemptive without regret. The Bush Doctrine. He’s not so stupid as to not understand the size and fierceness of such sociopathic apparatus the evil empire has at it’s disposal.

You know, he’s hired every one of them that visited it upon him back then.

He knows the machine. It ate him. Crapped him out. Now he’s it’s bitch all over again. Unfuckingbelievable.

Tell me you can’t see it.

With Palin, the seduction of McCain is complete. It is done. He has compromised the last of his values. He’s no longer worth a goddamn nickel.

Can’t you tell?

The good news is, both of these flowing like menstrual carbuncles are spectacularly vulnerable from the rear. Doubtfire has been penetrated before but it’s been eight years and they work for him now.

Time for fists. Vulnerable from the rear.

Drinks for my friends.

Official brainspank forecast. It’s round two and these bastards have lots to do. What’s Her Name will either do a face plant or impress with a fine batting exhibition.

Gonna go blow by blow again.

Put your tray tables in the upright…………

Guy Smiley (Romney) is up. Lame start. So far no magic in the underwear. Tries to say Washington is liberal with a handful of ridiculous points. He says we need to change Washington from liberal to conservative. It is one of the emptiest, factually challenged speeches I’ve ever heard. He actually said, “opportunity expands……when constitutional freedoms are preserved”. He actually said, “It’s time for the party of big ideas, not the party of big brother”. What the fuck?

Non-co2 producing nuclear energy? Huh?

Republicans believe there is good and evil? Good for them.

More bullshit terror rhetoric. Chants of USA.

Guy Smiley never had a day when he wasn’t proud to be an American. Lord knows I have. I’ve been straight up embarrassed to be an American. Republicans are nothing if not vainglorious.

Romney is exactly a twat.

Next up Huckabee. He’s a crazy bastard but I kinda like him. He says the elite media has unified the Republican party because of their tacky coverage. Does anyone not remember the darling status afforded by the media that McCain has enjoyed for like, ever?

Then he has the balls to make change the mantra of his speech. Now he’s off after less government. Now bloviating about taxes and abortion. Republicans never met a cliche they didn’t like. More POW crap. Praise for the veterans because we all know how Democrats loathe the veterans.

I love how they all rail against big government. The United States Government has never been bigger or more inept. Not a single mention thus far, tonight or last night, of Dumbya. Hmmmmm…………. methinks they doth protest too much.

Less empty seats tonight.

Fuck me, Skeletor (Guiliani) is up next. I’m sort of looking forward to him telling some real whoppers.

Here he comes and unfortunately, he’s not in drag.

He has no lips. He says Hollywood celebrities don’t get to decide. Um, ok. Experience. Ha! McCain is a hero. Sacrifice. P.O.W…..blah, blah, blah.

Makes fun of Our Man’s service as a community organizer. Instead of taking the big bucks? Tries to to say Our Man is somehow indecisive, because of his “present” votes. Realistically, not a bad point.

Calls him a celebrity Senator, without leadership or legislation to speak of. So, Sarah has authored copious tracts of legislation has she? Disingenuous at best. Experience……..blah, blah, blah. Change. Taxes, smaller government, more energy independence accompanied by chants of ‘drill, baby, drill’. Retards.

Terrorism. Sept 11, right on cue. Troop surge. Tries to accuse Our Man of being a flip flopper. Huh. As opposed to Doubtfire? Does he really believe this shit? The mayor of New York City touts the service of Palin as mayor of whatever that jerkwater town is. That’s rich. Think if she wasn’t the presumptive VP, Skeletor would even tolerate her as a stain on his shoe?

Forgive me, but Rudy Guiliani is completely full of shit. He has no lips and is overly fond of dressing like a woman.

Here comes what’s her name. Didn’t even have time for a smoke. She is kinda hot. I like chicks in glasses. Standing O.

She’s poised but if I hear the line about losing an election instead of losing a war one more time, vomit will spray from my nose all over my liberal pinko blouse.

Her son is going to Iraq. Predictable praise for the troops. The daughters, Bristol won’t stand because she’s pregnant, seventeen and her boobs are huge. Then we see Trig (sp?). She kinda milks her family. Pun intended. I guess she’s obligated. Todd (husband) hands Trig (sp?) off so he can stand. The parents stand and they look kinda hip.

Seems like a nice family.

She’s a good speaker. Bristol stands. She’s big. Her mom’s hot. Did I say that or think it? The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick. Not bad.

She does well and goes right after Our Man, they armed her well. She chumps the media. This move always cracks me up but her delivery is spot on.

Michel Martin (NPR) said we underestimate this woman at our peril. Republicans are not smarter than I think, but this woman just may be. She’s good.

She does lie large about the bridge to nowhere.

She lies about her pipeline which goes through Canada.

She does a little foreign policy dance that is over most of their heads. They have no idea what she’s talking about. Stupid white people.

She goes populist, and swings hard. She is the most effective by far produced by her party as a spoiler of Our Man.

Quick to boilerplate and still a marksman. Standard lies and out of context exaggerations. Whatever.

Vicious, aggressive and a goddamn surgical striker. She’s smooth and she’s mean.

She mocks Our Man but pulls it off.

Way too much POW poetry. This is the kind of talk McCain used to shy away from. He avoided it. He shunned it. Now he embraces it and pontificates at length. Ain’t no shame in his game.

She goes long but she never loses them. She’s blown every other speaker off the stage.

And then Doubtfire testifies. Big suprise.

The Republicans have acquitted themselves with an adroit and accurate fist. Gotta say. Well done.

Now, not to drop a steamer in the punch bowl, but kids, try to remember you’re voting for the top of the ticket. No matter what, you’ll be stuck with Doubtfire.

I need to make a point here. In the simplest of terms, people aren’t worth a shit until they’ve had their asses kicked. I don’t trust people who I know, or even sense, have not at least endured some degree of adversity. Myself, I’ve seen some shit, but I doubt it’s enough. I suspect the worst is still on it’s way.

It’s simple really. I don’t see Sarah Palin as someone who’s had her ass handed to her. There’s a certain quality of humility missing. That kind of humility is evident in a dramatic and simultaneously subtle way in Barack Obama.

Sarah Palin is an actress.

Drinks for my friends.

It’s more than interesting, all this speculation. The pundits pontificating, the dumb ones bloviating.

Benedict Fliptop was Gore’s choice and I thought it was a mistake at the time. I’m not sure it cost him much at all in the end. People don’t really vote for a Vice President.

Here’s a list of who I’d like to see McCain pick:

Mitt Romney. Guy Smiley. Consumate asshat. Magic underwear combined with abject cluelessness. Talk about an intellectual boat anchor. Forgive me but I’m of the opinion that the man named Mitt is the biggest fuckhead to ever run for President.

Big Jim Slade. Doubtfire could use a man of African heritage with a penis. A big penis.

Johnny Horton. Wrote some pretty good patriotic songs. Unfortunately he’s been dead for almost half a century.

Skeletor. Rudy Giuliani. He’s a complete idiot and it would be very funny.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The chaos would be awesome. When the Bootlicker expires by simply turning to dust, I’ll be looking forward to press conferences with a nice melody.

Shug Knight. He’ll get arrested within the first month for beating the shit out of some prominent Democrat and trying to shake them down.

Bob Dole. He’s hysterically funny without meaning to be or even realizing it and he’s pretty old too.

Marty Feldman and Don Knotts. Just picture it. Ocular buggery.

A woman with a nice big ass. Just because I like that.

Hefty rack on her too.

Gore Vidal. I bet he’d piss in every corner of the Oval Office for which an opportunity became available. Could be counted on to get drunk and disparage his boss consistently wherever cameras are rolling.

Jesus. I bet he’d piss in every corner of the Oval Office for which an opportunity became available. Could be counted on to get drunk and disparage his boss consistently wherever cameras are rolling.

The Jolly Green Giant. Ho ho ho, Green Giant!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Doubtfire wrestled in high school and I’d really like to see them go at it on TV in front of everyone. They’re about the same size but the Iranian President is much younger. Leaner, more muscular. Smells better. Old Spice vs. something by Fabergé.

Start by imagining them both in unitards.

Not sure which is meaner.

But, I’m thinking Ahmadinejad, (red ‘tard), would make short work of McCain (blue ‘tard). It would be genius television. Right there behind the podium. Doubtfire would tap out of course. He’d do that creepy chuckle at the post game press conference and have Mahmoud beset by Vietnamese Ninja before midnight.

Despite the rather obvious potential for death, hundreds would line up for a shot at McCain.

Where am I going with this? I must confess, I have no idea. It’s like I’m smoking reason. I mean resin.

Larry King is on with Hulk Hogan and a guy I assume is the Hulk’s lawyer. The sound is off. This lawyer guy has the worst toupee I’ve ever seen and it looks like it’s covering a fresh brain surgery wound. I’m really not sure what I’m seeing. I refuse to unmute it. I just can’t.

I’ll feel dirty and common.

There’s that and the fact that I don’t give a mad fuck about Hulk Hogan or his kid. No ill will, I just don’t care.

Indulge me for a second. It’s not like I think he’s a bad guy, I simply have no reason to care about his struggles anymore than anyone else I don’t know. He’s a celebrity but he hasn’t done anything important. He’s no Stephen Hawking, Eddie Van Halen, Steinbeck or Capote.

His clothes are ridiculous. He amuses me. Like a clown. I wish him the best. No reason not to.

Where were we?

Drinks for my friends.

Kentucky and Oregon vote tomorrow. She’ll take the hillbillies, he’ll take the hippies. The song remains the same, but our man edges ever closer and she can’t do the math.

At least she shows these days without handfulls of odiferant fecal matter/compost. No cheap shots lately. She understands she needs to stop being a vicious unethical bitch, bat her eyes and bring a nice bottle to dinner if she’s gonna get a juicy cabinet post or be prospected for assistant manager.

Warren Buffett, evil man and also the world’s richest, endorsed Senator Obama today. You don’t get to be that rich without blood on your hands. Bill Gates is doing everything he can for extra credit. Has he endorsed yet?

Ok, good. You know the most senior member of the US Senate and former “Exalted Cyclops” of the kkk, Robert Byrd endorsed our man today. Uh, both weird and cool. Kinda big too. I respect Mr. Byrd, despite his past.

Endorsements I’d like to see:

1. Colin Powell

2. David Letterman

3. Is there a union, besides MENSA for smart people who pay attention? If so, them.

4. Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. Despite being dead, they could sway a number of dumb old white people.

5. Oprah. Wait.

6. Gene and Paul from KISS. They connect well with the mullets. We need them.

7. The Beastie Boyz. Tremendous Jew factor.

8. Lee Majors. More mullets and lots more stupid people.

9. Cronkite still alive?

10. Furnell Chapman. He’s black too. Excellent toupee.

11. Bob Dole.

12. Big Jim Slade.

13. The tide. Wait. The ocean and the moon.

14. The Big Lebowski.

15. Brainspank. Wait.

16. Is there a union for really stupid people besides the NRA?

17. Who’s got a mint?

18. Any remote test facility.

19. Kraft. Cheese. Any Kraft product with cheese.

20. True Blooded.

It is time for the pantsuit to walk. She’s a deficit to the campaign for a Democratic Whitehouse. She flirts with absurdity and her butt looks big cause her ass pockets are stuffed with opprobrium. Take a goddamn pill, you’ve made your point. We see through you. Take a walk lady. Take a goddamn walk. Pull the fork from your back and take Big Bad Bill to an island somewhere. Get drunk and hoover him. Call Chelsea. Take pictures.

Come back and work like the demon you are for our man. Turn Bill and Chelsea loose. It’s the right thing.

Just do it.

Anyone remember Bella Abzug?

Drinks for my friends.

It’s all over but the shouting in South Carolina. Obama has beaten Hillary and Edwards like a pair of baby seals.

He did this by amassing over fifty percent of the vote. The demographic sweep he engineered is beyond impressive. South Carolina is over sixty seven percent white and the home state of John Edwards, who finished a distant third. It was a record turnout.

More than double Hillary’s pot and obviously, more than both Edwards and Hillary combined.

He speaks like a summer thunderstorm. A cloudburst on a sweltering afternoon. Substance and style. Grace and conviction. Thunder and lightning. His admonition of Hillary, subtlety and gravity.

It’s kind of ironic that while I was thinking that even if Obama succeeded at elevating only minorities and the poor, America would be a far better place. It’s ironic, because it was the same moment he segued into passionate discourse about unity and the fractures that exist between us, that either aren’t there or don’t need to be. All of us.

ALL OF US.

I am smiling. Were it not for the breathtaking ineptness, avarice and arrogance of the current administration and the Republican party, America would never grant audience to this first ever contest between a black man and a woman for President of The United States.

Forgive me, but hope doesn’t appear so audacious any more. It’s been a long time coming. We have endured too many years of cruelty and apathy at the hands of Republican rulers. Maybe now, instead of the lesser of two evils, America will choose the better of the best.

Oh boy.

Eighty percent of African Americans in SC voted for Obama. I still really like Edwards, but I fear it may be time for him to walk. Seventy three percent of Democrats who cast a vote tonight, did so against Hillary. This, in one of only three states with a greater than twenty percent population of black voters. Do the math, Obama desperately needs white Democrats on February Five.

Edwards says he’s still got lotsa fight left. We’ll see.

Obama and Edwards? I’d like that a lot.

Bill Bennett, asshat that he is, just compared Obama’s speech to Ronald Reagan. What a fucking retard. It occurs to me that Martin Luther King is a far more appropriate and accurate analog. Or, can you say JFK?

Amy Holmes, conservative whackjob that she is, is hotter than Georgia asphalt. I’d do her. She was on Bill Maher last night and I had an identical thought. Michelle O. has hips and a booty.

Meanwhile, on the darkside, Skeletor sports a giant mudhole in his ass that will be kicked dry by Guy Smiley and John McCain in Florida. Time to start looking for a rock with a vacancy underneath, Mr. Julie Rudyiani. Douchebag.

Up next, Super Tuesday. The road, still long indeed.

Drinks for my friends.

I just need to talk about a few things here.

First up, this retarded stimulus package Republicans and Democrats alike are toothlessly masticating each other’s genitals over. Six hundred dollars (!) for each of us grossing less than seventy five thousand a year.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

What they’re hoping is, we’ll go out and blow that magnanimous sum and the economy will just explode and all will be sunshine and rainbows.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

That’s the plan?

I’m insulted.

Six hundred bucks buys me about three hours in a Vegas titty bar with a couple of clients. Brilliant.

Or, I could score just enough booze and blow to rationalize hiring a hooker, likely succumb to whiskey dick and the subsequent ego deflation that accompanies losing one’s wood and/or never achieving it to begin with.

As a Southern California resident, were I to earmark said funds for more pragmatic utilization, it would mitigate approximately a third of my monthly rent. Less than that of a mortgage note or a month’s payment on a decent car.

Republicans and Democrats have reached out to each other for your benefit and are now offering a medium size self adhering gauze bandage for your middle class ass hemorrhage. The bastards of the beltway are powerful sorry about the diabetes they gave you and would like for you to have a cookie.

I understand the proposal also provides for “business incentives”.

I really hate these guys.

Apparently, while we spend over half a million a minute in Iraq, fiscal conservatives are wringing their sweaty hands over what this may do to the budget deficit.

Thank Jesus someone is watching the foxes play with the hens.

On a profoundly sad note, my favorite little paste eater announced he was leaving the circus today. How sad that the roaring mouse has thrown in the towel. The ONLY one with the courage, integrity and honesty to speak the truth consisitently about where we are and what we must do, is left with no choice but to save his congressional seat so that he may fight again to effect desperately needed change another day. May the powers that exist, forever favor you Mr. Dennis Kucinich. Many of us will miss your valuable contribution to what is obviously the most important political discourse thus far for all of us.

Next. From this blog on January nine:

“The Bill & Hillary machine is awesome, however. What we saw was that impressive apparatus in swift and purposeful motion at the bottom of the ninth in the second game of seven. Very impressive.

Here they come. I told ya.”

And from this blog on January four:

“I’ve alluded to to the Clintonian acumen for brawling. You’re about to see a full frontal and it will most likely get ugly. We’re about to witness how smart she really is. I can’t help but think that if she starts tossing turds, she’ll be courting the dirt nap.

Fascinating to watch Bill’s big brain churning behind his eyes as he stood to her left while she spoke. I found myself waiting for steam to to rocket from every orifice in his head.

She tossed not a single turd.”

It’s true, Bill Clinton, a man whom I celebrate and adore, needs to count to ten. I won’t address this specifically except to to say that policy is what is is germane here. That, and desperation is almost always ugly.

Last but not least, Hillary and McCain won the nod from The New York Times today. The NYT said this about Skeletor, who is fighting for third in Florida:

“The New York paper said it could not endorse Giuliani, describing the city’s former mayor as a “narrow, obsessively secretive, vindictive man” whose “arrogance and bad judgment are breathtaking.”

Ha!

Drinks for my friends.

I could be wrong, but Skeletor’s towering hubris, virtually sitting out the first three contests of the primary season, is going to take a chunk out of his puckered worthless ass.

Tonight he finished a distant seventh in Michigan.

I’ll bet his cheeks are all mottled and yellow.

He holds one card. One claim to fame. He was the lame duck mayor of New York City when all hell broke loose. If it weren’t for that day, you wouldn’t know his name. What did he do that was so special?

If you ask the NYCFD, they’ll tell you just how special he is. They’ll tell you he’s a coward and a liar and an opportunist and that he sucks.

Guiliani is perhaps the least qualified Republican to ever run for the highest office in what was once the world’s greatest land. He’s never been a governor or a member of congress.

Imagine LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa in this race. Sheezus.

His own children loathe him and campaign against him. He literally cheated on his last wife in public.

Ha! The bastard finished seventh.

Fred Thompson and Ron Paul handed him his ass.

God is whispering that Rudy’s fucked.

I’m thinking that even if he arrives on steroids in Florida, he’s got nothing but fumes in his tank of American give a shit.

I really hope I’m right because I really hate this guy.

Romney, douchebag that he is, won tonight over McCain, douchebag that he is. McCain is crazy and Romney is a clumsy lipped blowhard that you should do your best to picture in his sacred underwear.

A lot of people hold religion as sacred or at least exempt from public ridicule.

I’m calling fuck that on that one.

In this instance, I single out Mormons, but I’m an equal opportunity maligner. Every organized religion I can think of is at best, silly and at worse, corrupt and evil.

And they don’t have to pay taxes in America!

We’re so fucking progessive.

Anybody notice Huckabee needed a shave?

Skeletor will be lucky to place or show in Florida. And he’ll get an uppercut ballpunch in South Carolina on Saturday.

Can you guys see the fork?

I swear to a Savory Santa Day that if one of these idiot fucking human train wrecks ends up as President, I’ll start a militia up in the desert with only smart people.

We’ll figure it out.

Drinks for my friends.

Hillary prevails because the women of New Hampshire saw her tear up. Obama carried women in Iowa. He didn’t in New Hampshire.

Who carried the Gays?

Stay with me.

I do wish Edwards had somehow been able to maintain the trifecta. Here, the difference of deep pockets glares at us. Shame on you New Hampshire. He is clearly the best of the three, at least in terms of message.

Ralph Reed is on CNN. What the hell is he doing there? I loathe this bastard. Christian Coalition fucktard. But wait, he just said what I said about Hillary. What should I do with that? Does’t matter, he’s a dickhead.

Ron Paul wrestling with Skeletor for fourth makes me grin like a poor kid with a new bike.

Looks like Richardson will take his ball home. No big loss but a good man.

Record Democratic turnout and Republican voters are actually down. The poor kid with the new bike just got a new bell and a sparkly gold banana seat.

Wolf Blitzer sucks.

Edwards is tired and so is his speech. It is true, righteous even, but tired. No original chords or melodies. Yet still, good populist stuff. Honest. The best message out there. He tells us he’s staying in the fight. That’s good news. He is the best of any of the horses running with the remotest chance of winning.

I’m afraid my favorite little paste eater is unable to hide the fork sticking out of him. Oh well. So much for massive balls and complete honesty. If the upcoming Democratic administration has an intellectual conscience, Kucinich will have a place in it. I’m not holding my breath.

The Associated Press has just forecast Hillary as the winner. There’s lots to be said for inertia. Momentum.

It may be premature, yet as I say this CNN is owning it. I’ve watched enough elections to agree.

Obama speaks. Very well. This guy is good. Really good. This time he actually references MLK. This man, is a goddamn rockstar. Confidence, charisma and composure. Half the reason I watch is to see this guy play.

Blue eyed murder in a sideswipe dress.

Hillary speaks. She has aged before me. She is metered. Measured. Following Obama is a bitch. No pun intended. She’s virtually Stepford after a master orator. She’s kinda plastic. She kinda sucks. Weak finish.

The Bill & Hillary machine is awesome, however. What we saw was that impressive apparatus in swift and purposeful motion at the bottom of the ninth in the second game of seven. Very impressive.

Here they come. I told ya.

The content was significantly more populist in both Democratic speeches.

You aren’t stupid. I know this because you’re here. I’m sure you can imagine me pulling the lever for whatever Democrat rises to the surface of this contest.

And that’s just what I’ll do.

It’s not that the Democrats are so great, although a few are, it’s that the Republicans suck so fucking much. McCain can’t even comb his own hair. Poor bastard. He’s the best they can do? He’s got a hard on for the war for painfully, and I do mean painfully, obvious reasons and I imagine he has some degree of PTS.

Dick-in-Bush snuck up behind and sucker punched him in 2000. When he woke up he was finished and bitter. Who wants this guy on the switch?

Hustler magazine has this regular feature where they render a photo of a female celebrity with a huge cock in her mouth. It’s hysterical. I know some folks over there and I’m going to call and request that they do the biggest blowhard on the planet, Mitt Romney.

Then there’s our man Skeletor. Fuck him.

Forgive me for not being able to take these assholes seriously.

Drinks for my friends.

The New Hampshire debates are nothing if not entertaining.

Really, it got a little ugly between the Democrats, still, they stayed germane to the most important issues. They all did well. It’s an excellent field.

Hillary is starting to swing and we like that. Nothing untoward, she just rolled up her sleeves and demonstrated she was ready.

I missed Kucinich and Biden.

The biggest gaff for me was Richardson’s pounding near the base of his mic to emphasize his sluggish and doddering message about his message about being a governor and a two time cabinet apointee.

This guy is cabinet worthy for sure but he’d suck as President. He’s smart and probably very capable but he’d bore me in a bar.

See what I’m saying?

I wonder if all the sudden Edwards is bucking for assistant manager or maybe just using some camaraderie with Obama to pinata Hillary a little. I like this guy. He was interesting and I’m a sucker for his populist rhetoric.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch the Republicans. Saw a clip of Guiliani saying that the difference between his party and the Democrats is Democrats want to raise your taxes and he wants to lower them.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

We are in an economic cluster fuck of shitstorm proportions and this absolute dickhead wants to talk about tax cuts. I fucking hate this guy. He and Fred Thompson both (who seems to have gone the way of the Do Do, thankfully), are almost invisible when they turn sideways because they’re constructed entirley of paper.

Never mind that what is being talked about is reversing the cuts given to the wealthy over the last seven years, who’ve gotten wealthier by the way, and finding ways to eliminate the government sponsored drain on the middle class, who are sinking by the way.

Then on Fox tonight I see Huckabee and Romney shoulder to shoulder attempting to out obfuscate each other about…………..

Wait for it.

That’s right.

Fucking taxes.

I really hate these guys.

I picture Napoleon Dynamite slapping his head.

The contrast is so acute, it is simultaneously comic and egregious.

I watched it tonight on CNN and again, somebody had travelled forward in time, observed my reactions and then travelled back to put my impressions in the mouths of CNN talking heads.

Frustrating. Anybody hiring?

Drinks for my friends.

Guiliani is an arrogant fool for taking a pass on Iowa. Bill Clinton didn’t wade in either, however. Bad Bill knew what he was doing and is at least twice as smart as Skeletor. Maybe four or five times. Really.

And yes, this is an entirely different ballgame.

Nothing from nothing means nothing.

A paradigm shift, nay, an upheaval, occurs while Skeletor cools his heels in Florida.

Change.

“The fierce urgency of now”.

Hillary loses by a tampon string to Edwards and both lose to Obama.

Huge.

Huckabee leaves Romney to regain consciousness with dirt in his mouth. Good. Romney is a douchebag.

All, nothing but good news.

I’ve alluded to to the Clintonian acumen for brawling. You’re about to see a full frontal and it will most likely get ugly. We’re about to witness how smart she really is. I can’t help but think that if she starts tossing turds, she’ll be courting the dirt nap.

Fascinating to watch Bill’s big brain churning behind his eyes as he stood to her left while she spoke. I found myself waiting for steam to to rocket from every orifice in his head.

She tossed not a single turd.

She was smooth.

Edwards, my beloved populist, was excellent. I’ve always been a sucker for his “Two Americas” theme.

Obama invoked a cadence not unlike MLK. He did shine. I was impressed. Is he a leader? I really don’t know. He is a fucking rockstar though.

Some guys like football. This shit mezmerises me.

We’re off to New Hampshire. I can only hope it will be as compelling.

Clearly this contest won’t end exactly as I wished. Yet, I must agree with the talking heads on CNN. The Americans in Iowa are telegraphing a profound desire for change.

See, this isn’t about a black man vs. a woman against an evangelical and/or a complete dipshit who believes in sacred underwear. This really is about a certain absolute thirst for as much change as we can get.

The best we can do is the most change we can realize. This gives me hope. I am optimistic and sanguine.

Encouraged, at the very least.

Oh boy.

Drinks for my friends.

Iowa less than twenty four hours away.

The Republicans are reeling.

They’re to the point where they’re taking an evangelical with bad teeth as seriously as an asshole who wears sacred underwear and
is completely full of shit.

Kinda funny. A man named Huckabee duking it out with
a man named Romney. President Huckabee?

Rudolph “Skeletor” Guiliani runs a cold third. For
this we should perhaps be grateful as this is a man
barely more intelligent than Dumbya and maybe more
arrogant. His own children campaign against him.

This guy has to be a dick.

So yeah, meanwhile, the Democratic field doesn’t suck
nearly as much. I have varying degrees of like for
most of them. I’m no Hillary fan, she worries me.
Her hands are in too many pockets that seek to empty
my own.

But is she playing? The Clintons know how to fight.
It’s a pretty serious braintrust between the two. She
understood that a woman of even her caliber, would
need vast resources to be taken seriously.

Is there a chance she’s hell bent for leather so she can then do at least some of what needs to be done?

All I know is that it’s close and that’s a good thing. I doubt you’ll see any of the top three, Obama, Clinton or Edwards, emerging as running mates or even VP hopefuls. They run too hard. It is a horserace and we benefit.

Poor fucking Republicans. HA!

What we need is, the most change we can get. Just think for a minute about the difference in potential for change between Edwards and Clinton. Then think about the difference between Kucinich and Clinton.

Huckabee’s suits are hiding a lot of loose skin.

Fucking Republicans.

See what I’m saying?

Drinks for my friends.

I think it’s kinda funny that the one “moderate” Republican is a jackass like Guiliani. Then I laugh my junk off when the conservatives threaten to walk away from the Republican party if he gets the nomination.

You can’t write this shit. He really is their only chance.

So, they get their panties in such a twist that it restricts oxygen flow to their paleolithic oblongata, over Skeletor being pro choice, and they threaten to castrate themselves by going third party.

Man, I love to hate these slippery, disingenuous bastards. You think any of them give a mad fuck about the principle of life? A great many think they do, by virtue of indoctrination and religious propaganda, but they’d get vacuumed or pay for a hoovering, pun intended, immediately upon being confronted by inconvenience or convenience.

Then there’s the money. Dogmatic fundamentalists will give their morning gruel and bus faire as long as you’re in favor of capital punishment and against a woman’s right to choose. A very wealthy base built on the backs of the great unwashed.

They also know that Skeletor is no match for Billary on a level playing field. They are panicked because they know they lack the muscle to tilt that field a fourth time. They screwed the pooch on the third try.

This, kids, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is entertainment.

The Republican party, pictured under ‘ignorant lockstep’ in most childrens bibles and adult dictionaries, is literally gnawing on it’s own ass. It is perhaps, so preoccupied, that it’s about to ass barf all over its own face.

They have acute assfazia. The ass so closely resembles the face, that bowels pregnant with hypocrisy are unsure what direction to explode towards.

Yes mam, they’re about to shit themselves.

I’m having too much fun with this.

Now for the bad news. The Democrats suck too. Sorry. They do. Hillary and Obama box over trivial shit to distract you from Kucinich, who tells you the truth about stuff that’s important.

He’s whip smart. He has logical plans for efficacious policies as well as their implementation and he’s not here to fuck around. He’s serious.

The front runners are too far inside to even care about what you want and what you, we, really need.

An abject example: Last November there was a massive power shift in Congress dictated by the will of the people. A clear mandate was the catalyst; a reversal in the Iraq war was expected. That expectation fueled conviction at the polls more than any other issue.

Ask yourself, what do we have to show for it? Allow me to answer. Not a goddamn thing. Nothing. Same as it ever was. $700 million a day and over a million dead Iraqis. Four thousand of our own dead and over thirty thousand handicapped and damaged for life. That disgusts me.

Not one of them (Domocratic candidates), when asked if they would guarantee a complete troop withdrawal by the END of their term in 2013, could do anything but snort and stomp and make excuses.

Save one. Dennis Kucinich said three months. Done deal.

Health care and peace too.

Make sure your seatbacks and tray tables are in the upright position. Do the best you can to avoid the vulgar puppet show playing outside every window and on every screen. The same one on TV, radio and whatever dumbass magazine you’re reading.

It really is time to pay attention.

Drinks for my friends.

60 Minutes tonight delivered a message to the President of Iran on behalf of Dumbya “You’ve made terrible choices for your people, you’ve isolated your nation, you’ve taken a nation of proud and honorable people and made your country the pariah of the world”.

This guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is a jackass. But is he any more of a jackass than our own president?

The Iranian president’s response should have been that he could say exactly the same of President Bush.

Certainly, as recent polls attest, Western Europe now believes that Dick-in-Bush and therefore America, are THE greatest threat to security and peace in the world today.

I pointed it out just a few days ago and tonight 60 Minutes put it out there. Russia is back and they don’t give a mad fuck about democracy.

Yeah, so the Fed cut interest rates. Band aid. Don’t forget that move simultaneously devalues the dollar; you know, the currency rapidly on it’s way to being worth the same as a peso?

Watch commodities like gold and oil. Can you say ‘recession’?

It’s kinda weird, but the Lyndon LaRouche people call me every few weeks. They called Friday night and they tell me the states are panicking over the subprime meltdown. Meanwhile it’s already on our backburner. The stockmarket bounced back didn’t it?

Oh, and China is propping us up while getting ready to strangle us for resources.

Then there’s the two wars we’re losing at $700 million a day and the one we’re lusting after in that country just to the right of the one we’re a sucking chest wound in this very evening.

You all know how we got here, but where do we go from here?

I don’t really know either. I just wanted to interrupt your Sunday evening repose with a reminder. Kucinich is my man but he stands the same chance as a fart in a whirlwind. Hillary will be a kinder gentler new boss but same as the old boss.

As much as I hate to say it, I think hope still has a home in the legislative branch. As the train speeds along the tracks this evening, she’s pointed to a Democratic executive, most likely the wife of William Jefferson Clinton.

Now, the Democrats are notorious dipshits, and they could screw this up, fail to heed an order to stop the silver bullet for a bus full of neoconservative, fundamentalist, evangelical born again christian fetuses with various disabilities, freshly aborted, for example. And the spectacular collision footage with fire and oversized heads flying everywhere will be played ad nauseum by mainstream media with even more graphic footage on the internet.

If that happens, no one will pay attention to eyewitness accounts that Sekletor Guiliani was seen at the crossing holding a mysterious handheld clumsy black box with a giant antennae while wearing his standard rictus grin.

I’m starting to wonder if the only answer is to support an even further sea change in the legislative branch. I’m getting tired of hearing Biden and friends pissing & moaning about not enough votes as an excuse for not taking off the gloves and getting down in the goddamn mud. Hey Joe, you want more of your own next November? Start swinging now. You and Reid. He used to box you know. By the way, you won’t be getting the nomination.

I don’t care about religious denomination; whether Democrat or Republican matters less each day. All I want to know is if you’re rational, truthfull and truly patriotic. Patriotic as in, let’s call an end to this failed avaricious exercise, spending lives and money we don’t have and bring these unfortunate kids home.

Then, I don’t know, explore the diplomatic tip with the same brand of conviction?

It sounds kinda weak, I know. But it would be pretty handy to be able to say to Congress, “Shut the fuck up. Do what we tell you, you’re out of excuses”.

Face it, no matter what happens, our arsonists laureate are determined to bequeath a clusterfuck. This, is the only certain thing. So, the the time to figure out what to do with said clusterfuck is today.

My suggestion is to start looking hard at your elected representatives. Starting today.

Drinks for my friends.