Archive for the ‘Nixon’ Category

This fucking Harry Reid as a racist thing is comedy.

Harry Reid will never be caught in an ethical or moral scandal.  My Mother was his secretary and he is at least an honest man.  I will take your money over this.  I simply know it to be true.

I blame society and the media.

Really, I do.

I haven’t always agreed with him and he’s pissed me off.  I understand he’s not polling well.  I dare say it might and maybe should come down to the Devil you know versus the one you don’t.  Harry Reid as Senate Majority Leader is a big deal for a state with our meager population and vast tracts of irradiated desert that Washington wants to turn into the nation’s toxic nuclear septic tank.

Fuck that shit.  No more nuclear energy until we figure out what to do with the waste.  Thanks be to Harry thus far.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada described in private then-Sen. Barack Obama as “light skinned” and “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” -Yahoo

Sounds a little rough.  Context kids.  Biden said something like clean and articulate.  A far poorer choice of words and he’s Vice President.  See, Mr. Reid was speaking with candor among colleagues.  He was assessing the candidate’s chances of success in light of how racist America remained.  Remains; because, bear with me here, we’re really finding out just how racist America still is.

You must admit it’s really reared its ugly head.

Mr. Reid was guilty of being matter of fact in light of what the stupidest quarter* I’ve alluded to before would end up thinking and doing.  For the record, the stupidest quarter have behaved exactly as we all thought, thus vindicating Senator Reid.  They didn’t make fun of how he talked and only accused him of being an Arab or maybe Muslim.  Turns out Harry was exactly right.

Senator Reid apologized immediately and our President said, “I’ve seen the passionate leadership he’s shown on issues of social justice and I know what’s in his heart,” Obama said yesterday. “As far as I am concerned, the book is closed.”  -Yahoo

More than enough for me.  To be fair he also characterized the comments as “unfortunate”.  Who knows what he meant exactly but I agree.  Unfortunate.  Yes.  It shouldn’t be an issue, but it is, and you’re an idiot if you can’t see it.  I’m not here to apologize for ignorance or stupidity and I don’t believe that’s what has occurred here.  What we have here is a truthful man speaking privately in support of a man who would become our first black President.

I know it’s awkward but Harry Reid was being honest and I admire his prompt contrition.  He knows what he he meant but he’s humiliated by how it sounds.

Michael Steele called for Dirty Harry’s resignation today.  Didn’t see that one coming.  Let’s politicize racism and who better to foment than a black Republican?  He asks rhetorically.  Somewhere Gomer Pyle chuckles with abandon.  Surprise, surprise, surprise.  Michael Steele should be the titular Head Douchebag of the Republican party forever.  He’s as good for the world as Sarah Palin because they’re both the same caliber of stupid.  The somewhat sociopathic kind that is relatively rare in most walks of life but prevalent in low IQ conservative, ideological and fucktardian political circles.

You know, the kind that fail up.

Is this racism?  You bet.  Is Harry Reid a racist?

Piss up a rope.

Drinks for my friends.

*When Nixon was forced to resign, his approval rating was about 25%.  When George W. Bush left office, his approval rating was about 25%.  I can think of no better proof that one in four Americans is a dipshit.

I knew this was coming.  This blitzkrieg of all things Sarah.  I knew the book was coming.  I understood that no matter the political wisdom of every move she’s made from quitting as governor to tragically inserting herself in the district NY 23 race, that her intentions and decisions are far from nuanced.  She’s an attention whore.  A high school cheerleader with an insatiable thirst for fame or even infamy.  The nature of the attention we pay is as unimportant as the truth to her.

She milks us with tremendous success.

What confounds and disgusts me so much is that she is able to do this.  To do this to us.  That we are apparently so complicit.  That we are so willing to afford her audience.  To command our attention despite such a voluminous cornucopia of lies and empty rhetoric, absent policy, minus substance and with such prurient intentions.  Americans, at least some of us, adore idiots.

I know I do.

It’s true, I can’t help it.

But I can’t stand that she’s getting over on us.  Nixon fled the office of the Presidency with a near 25% approval rating.  So did Dumbya.  That proves that about one of four of every person I encounter is a dipshit.  So be it.  I hate that but what can I do?  She’s on Oprah, talking to Barbara Walters, being discussed on the network news and obsessed over by cable news.  She is literally fucking everywhere.  She’s selling mad books to all of us.

Or is she?

The Human Shitsmear declared her book one of the most substantiative on policy he’s ever read.  I don’t doubt that for obvious and numerous reasons.

Wallmart has her book at $8.98 and the right wing rag Newsmax, is offering it for five bucks and throwing in a four month prescription er, subscription.  Way off the $28 cover price.

Hmmm.

Let me tell you something, the fact that she has allegedly written a book (sans index), is proof that she has written more books than she has read.

What I want to know is why do so many of us pay attention?  Is it because we consider her to be compelling or is it the spectacle?  Is she interesting or is she a multi car pileup with flames and blood and sirens, highway flairs and stuff?

That she is already at odds over the facts with the McCain campaign staffers and personnel, belies her version of events at the very least, and her assertion that she was billed $50k for being vetted gives me pause.  Given what we now know and understand about her character and personality, the sudden and abrupt nature of the of the selection and glaring lack of process, it’s difficult for me to believe that any more than a few hundred bucks was thrown at the entire thing.

Gimme a break.  I doubt that much was even spent.  I think McCain woke up with his first piss hard on in months or even years and picked up the phone.  Two or three days later it was a done deal and they had a press conference that left us asking who?

She’s a one hit wonder.  She’s got no legs as we used to say in the music business.  She may yet exist in our periphery as some sort of pundit or talk show host but she will never again run for office, she has not the fortitude.  By 2012 she’ll be a mere memory of spoiled Alaskan fish on the palates of the intelligent or empty competition for the great unwashed on daytime television.  Probably both, but she’ll be a bigger threat to Springer than to Oprah or Martha or Ellen.  It is where she belongs.  I don’t think she’s dumb, just obviously intellectually lazy.  I can spot a person that hasn’t had their ass kicked in life and that’s because I have had mine own kicked up and down the block.  I’m here to tell you she hasn’t.  What is worse and potentially far more dangerous is that she has had her ass handed to her and she refuses to accept or even recognize it.

The latter is the truth and that makes her crazy and perhaps destructive, but only to the GOP.  Ha!  Good stuff.  Methinks disasters like hurricanes may be on the horizon for the party of “no”.

We’re just about the same age and she is as naive and arrogant as I have ever seen.  Not talking about a river in Egypt here, know what I’m sayin’?

It speaks volumes about the Republican party that she remains their most impressive marquee, their most convincing and visceral star.  I admit, this does excite me.  That their tank is still this empty…….do the math.  Romney?  Guy Smiley, seriously?

Sheezus.

My brother in law was the first person I ever heard describe George W. Bush as an “empty suit”.  I’ll happily co-opt that term in describing Sarah Palin.  Um, pantsuit though.

I know women like her.  Personally.  They exist in my own family with all the vindictiveness, jealousy and capacity for baseless recrimination.  They are loathed, feared or laughed at.  Those that are closest to them are the most disgusted or confused.  Occasionally they get punched down from above by those that are merely weary of their shit.  We do like that.

Drinks for my friends.

Newsflash for you right wing, neoconservative fear mongering, Red scare foisting douchebags:

The word “czar” is an adaptation by journalists, the mother of which is a necessity for brevity.  It’s merely colloquial.  Contemporary parlance, a euphemism at best for an adviser appointed by the president whomever he or she may be.

The idea that this is some novel and pernicious design on the part of Obama and his administration to foment communism is fucking absurd.  If this douchebaggery were visited upon liberals, we’d recoil in horror,  feeling our intelligence raped and our sensibilities violently maligned.  Then we’d call bullshit on it.  We would do this immediately because we’d understand it to be really fucking stupid.

But you know, the great unwashed just sucks that shit shake through a straw and ponies up for a month’s supply.  How is it so many asstards exist, live and breathe in America?  What kind of people are we growing here?  This is ridiculous.

Dumbya had 47 of them there dastardly czars.  Obama has 32.  The shorthand usage first occurred under Nixon and really came into it’s own under Reagan.  Drug czar, energy czar etc.

And, don’t you know, the communists kicked out the czars.  Look at my thumb, gee you’re dumb.  Not just misdirected, but extraordinarily fucked in the head.

Again, fear and desperation championed by Beckerhead and The Human Shitsmear.  Congratulations  you dolts; a little kool aid with that shit shake?

“Right-wing extremists live in a politically parallel world where everyone they know believes the same as they do. They don’t like established facts so they come armed with their own.” ~ Gary Younge ~

I’m a little worn out these days by circumstances other than politics, but this kind of crap still really chaps my ass.  Again, that such a bullshit meme is allowed to penetrate into the mainstream baffles me.  How and when did people become so goddamn dumb?  Is it something in the water?  Didn’t we manage to get most of the lead out of the air and out of paint on children’s toys?  Insipid, callow and shallow.

Worthless and weak.

Some 25% percent clung to Dumbya ’til the very end.  Even after the shit hit the fan.  To this day, the volume so overwhelming, the proverbial fan is so clogged with gore that a vapor of ozone from it’s failing engine rises above it all to sting any inhale over the heavy pungence of rotting sewage  About the same number stood by Nixon.  It is safe to assume that at least one of every four people one encounters might just be so intellectually challenged that truth is tertiary.  These people don’t understand just how stupid they are and in fact take an ignorantly sanguine pride in and of.

I do the best I can but it’s not good enough.  Cultures bleed.  Dogma is relentless.  Indoctrination is all the sudden ripe and healthy.  Into the mainstream miasma and malaise, racism and bigotry, afford white heat as we are confronted with society’s lowest common denominator marching ignorantly in numbers exaggerated while boiling and seething only to direct blind stupid hate into an otherwise honest and logical national discourse.

We are polluted by this phenomena that has only dared to rear it’s ugly head because for the first time in a decade, the inmates have lost control of the the institution.

What do I do?  It just keeps coming.  Every onslaught more illogical and less rational than the last.  With every 24 hour news cycle it gets ever more ludicrous and uncouth.  Nancy Pelosi stands up and warns us in no uncertain terms that it’s all leading to violence and the retards mock her and accuse her of stoking the very fire of violence she cautions us against because she brought it up.

We show up with fire extinguishers so they bust out with napalm.

We’re not really interested in harming anyone and they are happy to  reduce us all to carbon.  They just don’t care.  We do.  Therein lies the rub.

They are crazy from fear and confusion.  We are worried for humanity, justice, compassion and humane equity.

None of it makes any sense beyond the fact that they are blind shithouse stupid.  You go Patty.

Drinks for my friends.

“The nation whose population depends on the explosively compressed headline service of television news can expect to be exploited by the demagogues and dictators who prey upon the semi-informed.” -1996 memoir, “A Reporter’s Life.”

It’s a trite understatement to say he lived a full and long life.  My first memories of Walter Cronkite are from a handsome cherry wood Zenith console television, the smell of hot vacuum tubes and visions of astronaut endeavors in black and white.  The Columbia Broadcast System was the only channel with reliable reception on the outskirts of a very small town.

Rabbit ears but no foil.  We were a class act.  Roger Mudd.  Eric Sevareid.  Walter Cronkite.

CBS, NBC and ABC.

CBS.

The great improviser, who declared the Vietnam war unwinnable, after seeing it himself.  Pretty much ending the presidency of LBJ.  Legitimately speechless when Neil Armstrong declared one small step for man.  Yep, he paused when announcing the death of JFK.  Maybe teared up a little.  Unafraid to cover America’s civil rights struggle.  Back then there was the newspaper and the evening news.  The evening news was Walter Cronkite.  An icon who managed to eclipse Edward R. Murrow as America’s pre-eminent journalist.

Comforting that he wasn’t felled early like Murrow, Jennings or Russert.

But oh, what he must have thought of contemporary journalism.  The bar he hoisted so high, disgraced, disregarded and ultimately ignored.   Charlatans like Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh et al. Infotainment and Fox News.   Rampant unfounded celebrity worship.

He came from an era when network bosses weren’t sure if America would tolerate a half an hour of hard news as opposed to fifteen minutes.  They did.  They craved it.   To then witness our attention span shrink and atrophy.  Popular culture force fed to America and the rest of the world, a phenomena that eventually rendered actual news not entertaining enough, no matter it’s truth or content.  Mr. Cronkite was already on the sidelines.  Retired.  How this felt to him must have been devastating.

One could argue that America has gone to shit since Cronkite retired.  Sure seems like the time we really began to lose our way.  I’m thinking Reagan era.  Could have used him then.

His own truthful ideal obsolete.  Forced to witness it decline from there.

Graceful and honest.  A surrogate for the people’s necessary information.  He chose to color outside the lines but once or twice.  When he did, he did so with the best intentions and the result sent magnificent waves through all of America.  He affected change by telling HIS truth.  Otherwise, he did a little bit less.  He told us THE truth.

We ended up with Nixon.

He told us what we needed to know as best he could.

Yes, I’m old enough to remember him quite fondly.  The smells of my father’s aftershave and dinner in the kitchen, waiting for Mr. Cronkite to finish with the day’s events.

Good luck old man.

My hope is that you went gentle into that goodnight.

Drinks for my friends.

Bear with me. Take your time. I had a lot to say.

Little explosions of pork fat in a heavy iron skillet. The fire is hot and I’m not sure, so I pull it off. Good move. The bacon just overdone but still sweaty and fatty. No aroma like that of fresh thick bacon. Most folks like it cooked this way. I use tongs to put it on a plate.

Motes bob and dance in rays of sun, a subject of birdsong, butterflies and dragonflies.

Man has almost complete authority over his own clock. Animals, from rodents to whales, have the sun.

I drop a fistfull of white raisins. Some diced yellow onions and a little butter into the cast iron.

Next up is to smack some eggs in the fat and put the skillet back on the crackling morning combustion. Beneath a canopy of primeval. This part’s easy. They cook like that, the eggs. Smacking and spattering. Hope ya like yours yellow loose. Quick and hot. Soft in the middle with brown bubbles at the edges. They’re done. Sea salt? Tapatio?

Someone else is doing coffee. I smell it. Raw like tilled earth. Berries.

Potatos cook the longest, garlic and rosemary. Moist in the center, otherwise crispy and taut. Steaming. Glistening with butter and oil. Fresh ground pepper. With potatos, I don’t play games I can’t win. The best way I’ve found.

Everyone stares up and around. Nobody looks at their food while they shovel it at their mouths. The savour does not compete with the vista, it compliments it, the ambiance of a deciduous forest in the chill of a late summer morning.

Have some champagne.

Next up, pine trees and a good classic novel. Some Fitzgerald or maybe Jack London. Twain. Capote. Then a nice clean spot to evacuate oneself and soap and water and towels after and what not.

I bring my own ointments and salves.

Maybe an afternoon walk.

I never would have made it as some pioneer or frontiersman. Maybe if I was some version of royalty. Afforded a certain amount of privilege and staff.

I just want to live in San Francisco.

Gin and chocolate.

I believe in mankind’s right to self medicate.

There is simply no reason in a country as wealthy as ours that people should go hungry, without health care or as much education as anyone can tolerate. I can’t stand it.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and proclaim that a little socialism might not be bad for us. Not just to give the folks who fall through the cracks a leg up, but to headbutt the absurdly wealthy who have enjoyed political, social and economic advantage by virtue of obscene largess for so long, the phenomena has manifested a momentum of it’s own now centuries old.

It may also serve to highlight the perverted version of Capitalism and Democracy we have chosen to embrace. We are in a place where our adherence to and practice of “free market capitalism”, as is the contemporary model, isn’t merely foolish, it is reckless, dangerous and unconscionable.

Fear and spying, rendering and detaining, holding people indefinitely without charging them………what does that look like to you? An economy hit by a wave any fool saw coming, so strong as to temporarily capsize us despite our size, displacement and power? More waves on the way.

Rotting infrastructure and an attitude of every man for himself on twenty million lips at least.

Hated so much a journalist throws shoes at Dumbya’s melon inside the Green Zone? More on that later.

We are stupid and greedy. Not necessarily in that order.

Fuck anything that moves.

Make these prick CEO’s live in a motel for a season. Three months. Twenty bucks a day per diem. Introduce them to the miracle of cheap chunky peanut butter and applesauce on the same spoon.

Ssshhhhhhhhh!!!

I covet and admire the idea of self determination. So far, the concept and my practice thereof has allowed me to reap almost exactly what I’ve sewn. Can’t ask for more than than that. What I’d like to see is that degree of parity afforded to not just every American regardless of race, color or creed, but every human.

We could render organized religion obsolete by achieving just that. Wouldn’t that be nice? I think so.

Replace an archaic institution that withholds (religion), with a concept, maybe a mandate, far more inclusive and progressive that holds as a fundamental ideal, prosperity of the earth and it’s inhabitants simultaneously. I’m a goddamn genius. Give me a can of beer and a Nobel, bitches.

Anyway.

I honestly believe that the defining moment of Dumbya’s reign occured on this very day, December Fourteen, the year of our Lord, 2008. I’m sure you’ve seen the footage by now. To his credit, our President did skillfully dodge two well launched shoes from not very far away. We learn that this is some major insult in that part of the world. To throw your shoes.

An Egyptian reporter with a pretty good arm fired said shoes at Dumbya’s head and screamed:
“This is a farewell … you dog!” “You killed the Iraqis!” -CNN

Ha! That’s goddamn golden. Forgive me, but if he’d taken one right in the fucking face? I would have called paramedics before screeching sobbing laughter could consume me. Go ahead, picture it. Me laughing ’til I puke or him taking one right in the kisser. Sheezus. That would have been gorgeous.

Picture it.

In any case, it was just so perfect. Vicariously cathartic. This really should be the swan song for the dumbest man to ever be President of America. We should remember him forever as the guy ducking shoes thrown hard by a journalist at a press conference in the “Green Zone”, the safest place in Iraq.

Bush Sr. had, “Read my lips…..”, Clinton had “I did not have sexual relations with that woman……”, Nixon had “I am not a crook”. Dumbya, among all the other ridiculous shit he’s said and done will nonetheless be remembered for his physical adroitness in ducking angry shoe leather in contrast to his profound lack of any kind of mental acuity in any shape or form.

He still doesn’t get that he’s an idiot.

Meet your legacy you stupid sonofabitch. Beet the Meatles.

I just want him to know what a complete loser he is. It’s not just angst. Hundreds of thousands died because no one in this man’s life had sense enough to teach him banjo and take him to the river everyday. They took him to school instead. Millions of Americans made the same mistake and now we’ll pay for it.

I went to hand her the remote. She said put it next to me dear, I’m scratching my butt right now. I looked and she was. So I did.

The Holidays. Weird. Didn’t have the Christmas I was used to last year. The old man was sick. Very. Spent my time at the hospital or sleeping because I’m a pussy and that’s what I do when I’m afraid. He’s so good now I want to punch him in the mouth.

To know my old man is to understand that he’s the shit. He’s only afraid of one thing. It has nothing to do with him. If you’re smart you’ll guess it.

My brother in law, Todd, a man I’ve known of since we were boys, lost his Mother just a few months before. Her name was Dixie and I really liked her. She was a writer. I see her face.

Here it is again. The Holidays. I’m expecting something different this year. It will be somewhere between now and then. Holidays are always a little step back in time. We may all have a similiar lense for this one. I hope so. I’m looking for the love and warmth of family unmitigated by illness and sadness. He is well now. I think it will be big and special.

My ass is broke so the only gift I have is my etchings.

Not being able to buy Christmas presents used to scare the crap out of me. It nightmared me. I was a fairly prodigious giver. I’ll bring really good wine.

Life is good.

Here’s the thing. A well worn theme for me, forgive me if I bore you. The difference between humans and animals is not the ability to reason. It’s not love or compassion. If you’ve ever been lucky enough to share your life with an animal you loved, you feel me. The difference isn’t even a sense of humor. Every cat I’ve ever shared a house with has been funny as fuck and tragic all at once.

The difference is art. Animals don’t make art for the sake of art. Humans do.

I sit telling you this, one of my cats is high up in a ficus tree I’ve had for twenty years that has been dead for at least a year. My other cat sits next to me on a dilapidated red velvet sofa staring at her. If only they could talk and I could understand them.

Happy Holidays.

Drinks for my friends.

I was right. Doubtfire has begun to slip in the estimation of America. This includes of course, Ms. Palin.

It’s pretty simple really. People are beginning to understand she’s a shiny new penny. In one of those tiny hand blown glass jars with an even tinier cork. Ever seen those? Used to get them at carnivals and tourist traps. At the end of the day, all she is is a penny. To buy the penny outright was at least a dollar.

I predicted it.

Up next we have the current financial clusterfuck. I admit economics is one of my weaker suits, but I know enough to understand that McCain is not the guy I want driving this bus. He walks like that cause he’s had cancer four times and his medical file is thousands of pages long. He walks like that because at least one foot is six feet under. Just think what the Presidency does to a man. Now, factor in that new penny and the size of this goddamn storm.

I predicted the economic thing too. Walk in the park. Easy to see. Fisher fucking price. For years, housing was the last load bearing wall and it was obviously going to buckle. More like the last domino than the first. If you didn’t know better you’d think we are ruled by a mob of misanthropes with nothing but greed and lust where their hearts used to be.

Wanna buy a bridge? How about a road?

Our Man was on the tip. September 17, 2007 Obama delivered a speech to Nasdaq that pretty much covered this giant gaping and gushing, fiscal fucking code red slash 911, before it happened. He’s addressed policy and substance on this eventuality time and time again. He’s been paying attention.

McCain and his former top economic adviser, Phil Gramm, King and Queen of deregulation, have been seen with their dockers down and their shrunken purple phalluses wagging. I’m thinking McCain was probably the Queen. You?

Henry Paulson, Treasury Secretary, now there’s a top for ya. Raised as a Christian Scientist. Eagle Scout. Frat boy at Dartmouth and a football player. Harvard too. Yep, this guy’s a top and he would like seven hundred billion dollars please. He would also ask that you skip the accountability thing and let him run with it. He wants you to trust him.

Did I mention he worked for Nixon and Goldman Sachs?

The polls are shifting by ten or eleven points in some places. States are in play that haven’t been for thirty years. Republican voter registration is flatlining and Democrats are steering armored vehicles bristling with angry youth through American towns everywhere.

“I been to the edge, an there I stood an looked down
You know I lost a lot of friends there baby, I got no time to mess around” -Van Halen

Sarah Palin said she watched Tina Fey’s clowning of her on SNL with the sound off and she was amused. That speaks volumes about her intellectual prowess.

Why don’t they just give up? If for no other reason than to save their supporters the inevitable embarrassment. Somewhere around fifty million Americans are getting all dressed up to look like the Special Ed class at the Jr. High dance. The naivete is ultimately tragic. They never even entertain the notion that life isn’t fair and they will be viciously ridiculed. It just hits them right in the mouth.

“All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach.” -Adolph Hitler

This, my take on politics today. The year of our lord, two thousand and eight, September twenty two.

Drinks for my friends.

Nothing really happened.

A good friend I haven’t spoken to in at least twenty years left a message on my cell the other day. I called him back.

We talked for almost two hours just now. He’s a surgeon. Painfully bright and very funny. He used to puke out the window of my VW bug after an evening of Long Island Iced Teas when we were underage. Turns out he’s comedically conservative but we still have plenty in common. A welcome catharsis. Left me with a smile.

Watched about three quarters of NBA finals game one, had to switch to Stewart/Colbert. I hear the Celtics had their way. I’m in awe of how insipid post game punditry is. Phil Jackson fascinates though. He’s got a big ass brain.

Pro athletes aren’t typically the most articulate or eloquent.

I’m convinced Paul Pierce indulged us with a little thespianism. Ah well, effectively executed.

I understand the Pantsuit invited our man over to her pad in DC tonight for some face time and maybe a little arm wrestling. Think they watched the game and played a little one on one? How tall is he? Can he dunk? The skinny thus far tells of something private and fairly intimate. I’m guessing she was looking to make her case on her own turf. Fundamental Art of War, chapter one.

I wonder how much we’ll actually learn about it.

My ear feed says now they didn’t meet at her place. Whatever. Her favorite saloon then. The staff knows her and doesn’t pay a mind when she gets heated and brandishes a nickel plated Smith & Wesson.

This just in from Yahoo News: “Obama is seeking to become the first black president”. This is gonna be huge. Who saw this coming? Not just President, but the very first negro one. Watch this story catch fire. We in journalism predict it will have “legs”.

I picture the Pantsuit getting tipsy and surly. I don’t think Michelle is with him. I see Hills lunge for his crotch with crazy eyes. Bill cackles freely in the very next room. He’s watching TV with a voluptuous young brunette but the sound is off. Terry McAuliffe, I think of him as “Chip”, is on premises. Chip is in the nearest closet rubbing one out. Launching a bootlace as it were.

The Secret Service is pulling their hair out. They hate this shit.

Chelsea spends hour after hour applying and re-applying makeup while reading Nabokov.

Our man pretends to answer his phone. He nods and grunts. He makes apologies and informs everyone that he has a sick daughter at home. Pleasantries are exchanged. His limo actually squeals out of the driveway. Inside, a handful of people including the Senator, laugh with relief as they pull onto the road.

In an oddly portentous and perhaps not unrelated development, a profoundly disturbed team of Dick-in-Bush surrogates are poised at the grave of one Richard Milhous Nixon. They are well appointed with tools to move earth. The idea is to resurrect as much black dripping hate as can be had. The operation is code named “ANWR”.

You may think this is a sign of desperation. It is. Relax though, Republicans have long courted the supernatural. Look how pale they are. You know those big ticket fundraisers behind closed doors? There’s a guy in a monkey suit walking by every couple minutes with a tray full of crackers quivering with gelatinous eye of newt. They drink blood mixed with absinthe at these things.

There is wife swapping, drug smoking and therefore a fair number of libertarians. Ross Perot is passing out mints in the bathroom trying to muscle in on the tips meant for the attendant.

And you thought liberals knew how to have fun.

This one is for you Lance.

Drinks for my friends.

Kentucky and Oregon vote tomorrow. She’ll take the hillbillies, he’ll take the hippies. The song remains the same, but our man edges ever closer and she can’t do the math.

At least she shows these days without handfulls of odiferant fecal matter/compost. No cheap shots lately. She understands she needs to stop being a vicious unethical bitch, bat her eyes and bring a nice bottle to dinner if she’s gonna get a juicy cabinet post or be prospected for assistant manager.

Warren Buffett, evil man and also the world’s richest, endorsed Senator Obama today. You don’t get to be that rich without blood on your hands. Bill Gates is doing everything he can for extra credit. Has he endorsed yet?

Ok, good. You know the most senior member of the US Senate and former “Exalted Cyclops” of the kkk, Robert Byrd endorsed our man today. Uh, both weird and cool. Kinda big too. I respect Mr. Byrd, despite his past.

Endorsements I’d like to see:

1. Colin Powell

2. David Letterman

3. Is there a union, besides MENSA for smart people who pay attention? If so, them.

4. Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. Despite being dead, they could sway a number of dumb old white people.

5. Oprah. Wait.

6. Gene and Paul from KISS. They connect well with the mullets. We need them.

7. The Beastie Boyz. Tremendous Jew factor.

8. Lee Majors. More mullets and lots more stupid people.

9. Cronkite still alive?

10. Furnell Chapman. He’s black too. Excellent toupee.

11. Bob Dole.

12. Big Jim Slade.

13. The tide. Wait. The ocean and the moon.

14. The Big Lebowski.

15. Brainspank. Wait.

16. Is there a union for really stupid people besides the NRA?

17. Who’s got a mint?

18. Any remote test facility.

19. Kraft. Cheese. Any Kraft product with cheese.

20. True Blooded.

It is time for the pantsuit to walk. She’s a deficit to the campaign for a Democratic Whitehouse. She flirts with absurdity and her butt looks big cause her ass pockets are stuffed with opprobrium. Take a goddamn pill, you’ve made your point. We see through you. Take a walk lady. Take a goddamn walk. Pull the fork from your back and take Big Bad Bill to an island somewhere. Get drunk and hoover him. Call Chelsea. Take pictures.

Come back and work like the demon you are for our man. Turn Bill and Chelsea loose. It’s the right thing.

Just do it.

Anyone remember Bella Abzug?

Drinks for my friends.

It occurs to me that of all the reasons to resist
impeachment of either of these two executive
dickheads, heh, the most compelling is the idea that
the Democrats, eyeing a possible win in ’08, are more
than happy to allow the consolidation of executive
power to continue so that they will literally be
seizing control upon prevailing on our electoral
college.

Pretty fucking scary. They already gave Dumbya an ass
pocket of torque to do whatever Cheney tells him when it
comes to penetrating the lives of our citizenry
without ever having to tell a single soul.

Then the bastards took a vacation.

My knee jerk was, “what a bunch of complete pussies”.
I was astonished that the dipshitocrats were still
ambulatory at all after literally folding in half when
their spines mysteriously evaporated after just one
round of the war funding bout.

Picture it. Really. Harry Reid, once a boxer, bent
so completely backward at the waist that his head
scrapes the ground as he stares from between his own
feet, his trunk pulled along by his legs like an
afterthought.

Turdblossom then flees the scene with his balloon head
buffeted by the velocity of his escape. A deal was
cut there kids. I doubt you’ll see anymore
persecution by our newly elected majority of America’s
very own Lex Luthor.

Maybe I’m naive, but I’m not sure how much I want
to know about this rabbit hole.

I’m not stupid. I understand that a lot of them sleep
in the same bed as well as share the same bathwater.
They may awkwardly mingle dicks given they’re
so clueless about homosexuality. Even the gay
ones.

Hillary and Obama lead both parties when it comes to
meeting big pharma at the crossroads and stuffing
their undergarments with filthy lucre.

Yet I still wonder just what the fuck is going on
here.

I am firmly of the opinion that it is the fundamental
responsibility of our legislative branch to seek
impeachment of our executive leaders for defying the
Constitution of The United States of America. Indeed,
for making such an egregious mess of everything they
have touched. For the nearly one million dead. And
for shamelessly lying about it every step of the way.

Regular Dick-in-Bush report cards qualify them for the short bus and helmets at the mall. Despite this, with the exception of Conyers and Kucinich, they refuse to even discuss it.

What gives?

Clinton got what I hope was a rockstar style hoovering
and lied about it. Nixon was actually complicit in
petty crimes and lied about it. In both instances
congress pretty much handed them their asses.

What gives?

What’s it going to take?

Do we need video of Cheney eating aborted babies with fucking
ketchup? Maybe he’ll use the wrong goddamn fork and
then we’ll nail his ass.

Like I said last time around, the damage is done. The
pooch has been raped with violence and merciless
repetition. America is now a poodle pulled along on one of those
skateboards from the fifties with metal wheels.

The rest of the world laughs, sheds a tear, sighs or
fears they who pull the crippled creature across the
world stage.

For seven years, the Democrats have been guilty of
aiding and abetting and there is no end in sight.

They want to pull the dog across the stage for awhile.

You have got be fucking kidding me.

Man I fucking hate these guys.

Drinks for my friends.

There is seldom more dangerous a thing than a stupid and misgiuded man who still has the courage of his convictions. When such a man is the leader of our country and by what is now a cruel default, the free world, you can bet your ass “We the people” are in serious trouble.

What are we going to do? Can we afford another sixteen months of this lawless and compassionless chaos? Our narrow eyed idiot leader thinks he’s doing God’s work. He says he talks to God, God talks to him and that is his unassailable consent to do as he pleases.

I must confess that even to this day, I don’t believe George W. Bush is a bad guy. Stupid? Yes. Perhaps even midly retarded, if only as a result of alcohol and cocaine abuse. Yet, I’d have few drinks with him. Enjoy myself while making fun at his expense; him none the wiser, of course. Sue me, poking fun at the willfully ignorant or just plain mentally challenged is a hobby of mine. I can’t help it, and really, they don’t know.

Now, am I of the opinion that everyone behind him is evil? Well, that’s an emphatic and adamant, Are You Fucking Kidding Me? Rove and Cheney are so black of heart and soul that light struggles to reflect off of their nearly hairless crowns. I sometimes wonder if they show up so infrequently in the media and on television because the cost of lighting their ugly and twisted visages is too exorbitant for all but the richest right wing media conglomerates.

I really hate those pricks.

Yesterday, we learned that the White House, which allows no light to escape, tirelessly invoked executive privilege yet again over d o c u m e n t s pertaining to the death of Patrick Tillman. Remember the lantern jawed member of the NFL that selflessly sacrificed his life for his country? A new low.

All reptiles have spines don’t they? Just exactly how does a vertebrate dance the Limbo so expertly? I mean, they’ve moved the bar so low that single celled organisms struggle to squeeze under it.

Labelling this latest act of douchebaggerry “Orwellian” insults the author. This is “Tales From The Crypt”. It is the stuff of fucking comic books. Shitty ones for nine year olds. With lots of places for you to color however you want.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Just one day before this, we learn Dumbya has ordered Harriet Miers, perhaps the least qualified individual to ever be nominated to the Supreme Court and former White House counsel, not to appear in front of the house judiciary committee after being subpoenaed to testify about the so far completely unexplained firings of eight federal prosecutors.

Apparently, not a single person in the entire Dick-in-Bush administration can remember who fired these people or why.

Gonzales, the now titular head of the DOJ, can’t remember a goddamn thing. He stinks. Forgive me, but this motherfucker stinks. He wears carp guts. His pockets runneth over with chum. Torture, illegal wiretapping, firing prosecutors who couldn’t find dirt on Democrats for voter fraud, he’s been there for all of it. All of it. He thinks the Geneva Conventions are “quaint”.

The day before that, Sara M. Taylor, former White House political director, answered whatever the fuck she felt like and didn’t answer whatever the fuck she didn’t feel like, after being subpoenaed by the same committee.

“In light of the president’s direction, I will answer faithfully those questions that are appropriate for a private citizen to answer, while also doing my best to respect the president’s directive that his staff’s communication be privileged.”

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Also, on the day before yesterday, Dumbya admitted for the very first time, that “somebody” in his administration leaked the name of covert CIA operative Vallery Plame to the press, but whatever, it’s time to “move on”.

All in the last week dear reader.

I have an idea. It’s called impeachment.

Nixon, all arrogant and sloppy, covered up a burglary. Mr. Clinton got what I’m guessing was a pretty good and maybe even rockstar style hoovering, wiped his sword on the young woman’s dress and covered it up. Albeit, briefly.

We’ll be at a million dead here pretty soon. The number of those not dead but still pretty fucked goes up every day too.

I really fucking hate these guys.

Drinks for my friends.

Disclaimer: Forgive me. I thought the debates last night warranted more of my air chomping pontification. I hope you can still breath by the time I’m done. Those with compromised mental lung capacity are encouraged to abstain.

What Biden glossed over with his pedantic soliloquy about not having enough votes to end the war in the Senate, was exactly what Edwards was talking about. Edwards was talking to both Hillary and Barack. They both voted nay, but snuck in and out to do so. They hid their convictions as best they could. Biden complained about having only 50 votes, as opposed to the 67 needed to purchase the veto proof vest.

So? Really, so fucking what? I expect there to be fifty votes in opposition. If the absolute most you can hope to accomplish is to remind them that they, even with Lieberman, don’t have a majority either, then for fuck’s sake do it. That is what we asked for, literally, in the last election.

And then, they veto it. Dick-in-Bush. The Blackhats.

What I’m looking for now is a whole bunch of you bastards, especially the democrats, to resubmit the same bill or as close as you can get to it, over and over and over. Ad goddamn nauseum.

Help me out here, is that too much to ask?

Newsflash you spineless pricks, the majority in this country will not accuse you of undermining our troops. As Kucinich pointed out, there’s enough money in the pipeline to get them home. The ones that would point that finger are just plain stupid. You can’t help them and you won’t reach them. They are those that would embrace Nixon, they dwell in the hydrilla.

Now I know that the lot of you, being politicians, are shameless harlots, so here’s your chance to suck up to THE MAJORITY. Democrats aren’t used to this and they are as a group, usually pretty shy. Well, what they are, are sniveling whiny cowards. Petunias all.

So you caved. Wilted. Pissed yourselves and darted away with the look of stupid eyed pigeons. 10 out of 50 democrats in the Senate had enough sack to do the right thing.

I still like Biden. I still like them all. But Edward’s point was both germane and salient. We now have a chance, for the first time in seven cold years, to swing a hard hook to the head of Dick-in-Bush and there’s no reason we shouldn’t. We are right. They are wrong. And they’ve made it obvious.

Instead our esteemed and newly elected body politic gets held down by a few bullies, is forced into a tutu, smeared with lipstick and pisses itself before entering the cafeteria to cast it’s vote.

If some greater number of you don’t start to own your own souls, we’re gonna end up with a new Puppet Mayor Arsonist Laureate.

Is Richardson wearing a toupe’?

Drinks for my vertebrates.