Archive for the ‘Powell’ Category

So Jessica Simpson lost weight and now her head looks too big. I thought she was kinda hot when she was thicker. Another disproportionate pop star.

I really hate any kinda bottle with a pump dispenser at the top. You have to tip the bottle upside down to get all the useable product out. Who does that? It would take forever.

See, the architecture of a pump dispensered bottle doesn’t allow for easy upside down storage. Whether it’s a lotion or a soap or hair conditioner, it’s stupid. The smartest design is those bottles that have a fat top with a simply attached stopper, flush with the lid when closed and they rest easily upside down or were actually designed be stable with an ever lowering center of gravity until you’ve gotten every last snotty barf of product out of the fucker.

Nobody walks in LA.

Far be it from me to overlook the most practical packaging ever for any consumer consumable no matter it’s viscosity. The toothpaste tube. Squeeze from the bottom, be methodical and there’s no fisherman would cut her open once she goes dry.

I know something pissed me off today and I’ll remember it soon.

So I’ve got this buddy Matt. Owner operator of The Arb Pizza Cafe, 11946 Ventura Blvd, Studio City 91604 (Btwn Carpenter & Radford Ave). Actually, he’s a client. He sells salads and paninis etc. I mean to try them. I bet they rock.

I go there, for his pepperoni by the slice. It’s flawless. The grease from the meat and the cheese pools ever so naturally into the small craters created by the expansion of the crust and bubbling cheese going from solid to liquid to less than aqueous. Chewey. Not too much. Very flavorful little slicks of lube from the sauce and cheese.

The architecture of pizza is brilliant. Still it’s not hard to fuck up. I’ve made a few pizzas and fucked them up all too often by neglecting texture.

Sprinkle it liberally with garlic powder and parmesan, then use your index finger with force to start a crease, and since you’re a primate with opposable thumbs, fold the triangle in two before you tear off the biggest bite you can manage without offending your own poetic correctness.

Any eaterie’s first arbiter is the pizza. Just go get two slices of pepperoni and a soda. Give them a ten dollar bill. It’s less than that but you’ll leave feeling cheap otherwise.

Two things. Napkins and a soft drink. Free refills. I prefer diet sodas myself, but what’s pivotal is the carbonation. It’s texture relief from the hot saucy garment you’ve just clothed your tongue and mouth with. Beer is good. Champagne is the answer to most things. This pizza would be excellent with a nice Veuve Clicquot.

At the same time it makes me think of New York. It is better than Manhattan street pizza but the ethic is way intact.

Come to think of it, Matt has an awesome white pizza that would be a force to be reckoned with were you to have a few jars of caviar laying around. You think I’m kidding. They deliver. Chill some bubbles. (818) 358-2233

Matt’s dad is named Andy. They call him “Deluxe”. Walk in and ask for a free soda. Tell them a guy named “Deluxe” sent you. Order two slices of pepperoni pizza and pay for them.

Do it. Tell me you liked it.

Let’s do some headlines from CNN.

“Same-sex marriage gets OK in N.H., Maine”:
All I can say about this is FUCKING A!! The right coast is leading by example. Lookit them school us on civil rights.

“Colin Powell comment angers Limbaugh”:
Who fucking cares? Not me. Powell’s reputation may be scarred by severe blemishes to the face but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt when it involves The Human Shitsmear. Limbaugh rushed again to claim Powell’s endorsement of Obama was explicitly racial. I would, if given the chance, I’d drop that fuck with a haymaker.

Cracks me up that people pay attention to this asstard.

Powell reffered to Limbaugh appropriately as an entertainer and said “I think what Rush does as an entertainer diminishes the party and intrudes or inserts into our public life a kind of nastiness that we would be better to do without,” Powell said. -CNN

I believe Powell was as polite as as possible by saying that Limbaugh should fuck right the fuck off. More power to him. Limbaugh is rapidly becoming irrelevant. Limbaugh is the epitome and distillation of the growing canker, the cancer indeed that has the GOP on it’s knees. Archaic and obsolete ideology that I’m fascinted to watch them cling to. It’s not unlike watching a reptile slither towards a dark flat rock.

The new racism is homophobia. Send Rush the memo. He sits way back in the back.

Fans of Limbaugh suck relentlessly. They are the worst America has to offer. He said he would like for our President, a man we elected with a sincere hope for success at changing our country, it’s culture of fear above all else, he said he would like for him to fail. Were I a right wing dickhead, I’d accuse the Shitsmear of treason and scream for his head. We liberals are not as anxious as our counterparts to malign and impugn those who’ve not committed an actual crime. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t hesitate to invite him, to his face, to lick my taint.

Cancer indeed.

If you like, admire, worship or even follow this clown, let’s talk. I’m right here. I will blow up in your face and make you cry in front of your friends. Let’s go.

Drinks for my friends.

Two weeks to go.

“The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he’s driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.” -Cake

Limbaugh has rendered judgement, he’s determined that Colin Powell’s decision to both endorse and vote for Barack Obama is entirely about race. Despite Secretary Powell’s rather eloquent and thoughtful oratory on the matter, Rush Limbaugh, The Human Shitsmear*, has unilaterally declared a Four Star General, Former head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Former Secretary of State, Colin Powell, to be fool enough to only see the color of a man’s skin. Fuck you Mr. Limbaugh, your days as a right wing clown entertainer are almost at an end.

Desperation on the part of McCain Palin has devolved, as predicted, into racism, fear mongering and lies with enough girth and mass to cast a damp an ominous shadow. It’s disgusting and reprehensible. It is not however, what I genuinely fear.

What I fear most is larceny. Twice, America has seen the Presidential election wrested from it’s hands by brazen zealots masquerading as mid-level election officials. Citizens assumed they were there to serve at our pleasure and protect us from the very thing they perpetrated. Katherine Harris and Kenneth Blackwell. Florida and Ohio respectively. Republican insurgents. American Traitors.

Fucking google them.

Understand the balance of power in this once great nation is more important to those who control it than you can possibly imagine. They will do anything. Whatever it takes, to exert prerogative and ultimately hold sway over the precariously fragile and all important sum of influence. Not merely in corridors hallowed, but in your minds and evil willing, your soul. They will blacken it as much as you let them.

Forgive me but Michele Bachmann has kaleidoscope eyes. She’s fucking Stepford spooky to a degree that makes Cindy look Fisher Price. I wish a pox on her campaign. Pustules on her supporters. Man I hope she loses her seat. I hear her opponent’s coffers are spilling over due to her recent windfall of ignorant fuckery. Wanna bet she goes away for a few weeks?

Two women, poignant examples of blackened, horribly charred souls. If you’re a regular reader, you know of at least a few more. Ann Coulter still draws breath. It’s getting ugly out there. Watch your back and pay attention.

Understand that I’m making fun. I do so because I can’t help it.

If it makes you laugh, it’s because it’s true.

See what I’m saying?

Drinks for my friends.

*new nickname alert

When the going gets weird, the wierd turn pro.

Dedicated to the memory of HST.

This whole thing is about to be a screaming, hungry, five year old nihilist with a full and oozing diaper, in a Burger King, sporting a flamethrower as well as a bleeding ass rash. It’s about to get regoddamndiculous up in here. Wait! Add swarming cockroaches. Rednecks and roundheads will go full tilt boogie as they realize they are going to lose their country to gasp! Liberals and a negro.

Let us hope that is the worst of it.

Yesterday, Doubtfire went after Our Man for outing Joe The Plumber and invading his privacy. You’ve got be fucking kidding me. I got nothing here. Not true, I have lots. Nothing usable though. Vitriol and utter open mouthed incredulity. Flames and super powers. Fucking fucks. The only thing I have to say is, who’s the idiot here? Him or you? Maybe Joe the Plumber? All of the above.

Yup, Nailed it.

My microwave has a whale in it. Sounds like that anyway.

I wanted to let you know that Michele Bachmann is a shameless cunt. Congresswoman from the sixth district of Minnesota. I’ve watched her on various networks spewing the worst kind of smack you can imagine in a painful Fargoesque, Minnesota dialect not unlike Moosewoman’s. She smiles and her grin is toxic. Venom and caustic fluid flood her bottom lip only to hang in snot like threads from her chin.

I’ve rarely been witness to such stupid coming from such an ugly human mouth.

“The issue before the American people is……Sarah Palin and her qualification, She easily has more qualifications than Senator Biden and Senator Obama put together if you look at executive experience, she’s been in an executive position for TWO YEARS” – Michele Bachmann on Larry King Live

Alaska ranks forty eighth in population, even when the territories are counted. Nobody lives there.

I bet I could learn to run the 7-11 in two days.

“Bachmann on Friday told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews that Barack Obama is not the only anti-American member of Congress. “The news media should do a penetrating exposé and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an exposé like that,” she said.” -dumpbachmann.blogspot.com

Can you say Joe McCarthy? I gleefully share with you that to date, her opponent, El Tinklenberg, unfortunate name aside, has raised nearly half a million dollars as a result of Bachmann’s splendorous stupidity.

Here’s more:

“[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she’s just trying to save the planet,” Bachmann told the right-wing news site OneNewsNow. “We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet — we didn’t need Nancy Pelosi to do that.” -TPM

On the gay community and same-sex marriage: “This is a very serious matter, because it is our children who are the prize for this community, they are specifically targeting our children.” — Senator Michele Bachmann, appearing as guest on radio program “Prophetic Views Behind The News”, hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM, March 20, 2004.

“Yesterday in a House hearing on the financial crisis, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) spoke on what caused the situation. To make her point, she read from an article called “How A Clinton-Era Rule Rewrite Made Subprime Crisis Inevitable,” written by Terry Jones in the right-wing publication Investor’s Business Daily.

The article criticizes the Community Reinvestment Act (CRA) for pushing “Fannie and Freddie to aggressively lend to minority communities.” Jones goes on to say that Clinton was misguided to push “homeownership as a way to open the door for blacks and other minorities to enter the middle class.” -thinkprogress.org

Like this shit is Clinton’s and black people’s fault.

See a pattern? It’s like Republicans welcome women as leaders, so long as they show potential for beauty queen of the right wing. Lockstep demagoguery. Douchebaggery. Counter to their very interests as a vagina owners. I guess they be whacky Christians first and foremost.

Oh my.

Can I tell you I just had an image of Cindy Stepford McCain going all cougar on Ann Coulter? I swear I’m not gay. I just had to wash my hands.

I am a carbon based being. So are most of my friends.

There’s more than a few among us that are based upon another element. Silocone? Like the Horta from the original Star Trek. Not like us at all. Rolling, emotional pizzas, longing for mother and in tremendous pain. Silicone based life forms.

That shit’s not right.

If feces were among the elements listed on the Periodic Table, I suspect one would need look no further.

Concentration of wealth.

“Redistribution of wealth” is what they sing about these days. An awesome example of opposite day, counter truth and pure bullshit. They piss and moan and lament that it’s socialism. Couldn’t it theoretically be the redistribution of our wealth back to us?

The literal intent of Republicans and Neoconservatives has been exactly that. The concentration of wealth. No more dramatic in world history than the last six years. Trust me, it’s true. Don’t make me do the math because I damn well will.

I can’t toss a pebble without finding exemplary ripple, proof, of what has been taken from us and distributed among the wealthy. The Middle Class is an endangered species. Like it or not, everyone needs the Middle Class. A republic cannot thrive or even survive without a robust but ordinary, honest and hard working majority. We are way too top heavy and beginning to lean trepidatiously.

I may have made that last word up.

Unfortunately, Hell hath seen the fury of America’s middle class and frankly, from Beelzebub on down, they aren’t impressed. Yet.

There is gorgeous irony in the Republicans lamenting voter fraud and elitism. Cause for rage when they throw RACE into the mix. Fuck these fucking ignorant cracker clueless bastards that haven’t been able to taste or even smell the shit sandwich they’ve been gnawing on for the last eight years.

Fools.

This shit is ridiculous.

***Now, pay attention. There is a reason I’m about to tell what I’m about to tell you and I get to it before the end.***

I began writing this particular blog on Friday evening. I spent some time on it last night with the intention of finishing this evening. Most of you are are no doubt aware, a typical impetus for my writing is quite often disgust. I do a lot of name calling, often employ crude and vulgar analogy, both in the interest of levity and entertainment. It’s cathartic, but all in the spirit of good clean fun.

Never have I remotely suggested physical harm be visited upon those whom I choose to rail against.

At least I hope not and if I did I bet it was funny.

You should also know that I have the ability to censor any and all comments left on brainspank. I’ve always chosen to let people say anything they like, utilizing the function exclusively to eliminate spam. I welcome dissent. I actually wish more people would disagree with me.

Since launching brainspank in December of last year, there has been only one exception to this. An individual calling himself “Trueblood” became so hateful, incendiary, vicious and alarmingly bigoted, I was forced to consider deleting his comments. I was torn, so like a true coward, I left it for my readers to decide.

It was unanimous, everyone who weighed in thought I should censor this guy. Since then, that’s exactly what I’ve done.

Predictably, the tenor of Trueblood’s comments devolved into pure hatred and threats of a personal nature. Whatever, I’m a big boy. I went on deleting and ignoring them and he eventually faded away. Today I recieved another message from Trueblood and I must admit, it gave me serious pause. So much so, I had to actually stop and give serious thought as to how to handle it.

One of the reasons I tolerated Trueblood for the time I did was I believed it was in the interest of my readers to see first hand that these kinds of people are out there. I’m allowing his comment this time around for that reason and for one far more important. To expose this individual to the authorities. First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll be contacting the Secret Service and providing them with his e-mail address etc. Up to them to determine whether he’s committed a crime, I cannot in good conscience, decide for myself that he should go unnoticed.

His specific words today and his pattern of behavior in the past, lead me to wonder just how imbalanced this guy is. I do know he’s dancing at the edge of both fear and rage.

For now, you can find his exact words in the comments of my last blog entitled “It’s True” posted on October Seventeen.

I wouldn’t mind hearing from you all on this.

By the way, former Secretary of State Colin Powell threw his weight behind Our Man today. Thought I’d leave you on a positive note.

Drinks for my friends.

Doubtfire can’t seem to keep his withered manhood from beneath his corrective footwear. Just last week he called for the “exploitation” of America’s offshore and enviromentally sensitive areas for drilling. A top economic adviser to McCain, Phil Graham, said we were in a “mental recession” and a nation of “whiners”. Bootlicker continues to joke about bombing Iran.

He’s doing great. Let’s have a parade. They’re better be midgets and firetrucks.

Methinks his diaper hath sprung a leak.

An exemplary performance most likely the harbinger of an inevitable conclusion.

I’m inclined to believe it’s no longer premature to offer my ideal choices for Our Man’s cabinet.

The thing to remember is this. Our Man, upon winning the most important contest in the history of civilization, will also own, arguably, the worst position of any American President ever. He’s walking into a cave as dark as any in the history of this country.

His road will be of asinine yet lethal burlesque.

Secretary of State:
The apogee of any diplomatic career, my pick is Big Bad Bill. There simply is no man more gifted and revered on the world stage than William Jefferson Clinton. I don’t give a mad fuck about his stumbles on this most recent sojourn as his wife’s campaign surrogate. The prodigous talent this man is able to visit upon any scenario makes the former President an obvious choice as well as one to ignore at our peril in times as serious as these. Bill Clinton qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Jimmy Carter, Andy Griffith was always so reasonable and Joe Walsh would clown the world and play blistering solos.

Secretary of the Treasury:
Bill Gates. The world’s richest man understands money. He owns trends. He gets it. The Feds took over IndyMac the other day. FDIC payouts will be as much as $8 billion. There’s Fannie and Freddie crashing on the rocks. Those two go down and it won’t be too different than a small nuke in a major city.

Hang the rich.

Alternates include my friend Jim Labinski, Gene Hackman, Ben Vereen, Lorne Green and Jim Beam.

Attorney General:
Walk in the park. My mother pointed it out. Edwards. A lawyer who’s adept at kicking the shit out of some pretty big boys. Nice and liberal. Wads of charisma. He’s Bobby goddamn Kennedy. John Edwards qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Ironman, Judge Judy, people who collect beans and Negrodamus.

Secretary of Defense:
Wes Clark. Four stars, West Point valedictorian and Rhodes Scholar. I love the word secdef. He’s my pick for secdef. It’ll have to wait, I’ve got a meeting with the secdef. See what I’m saying?

Seems like a good guy. We liberals want our military leaders to smile a lot and have nice eyes. We also like it when they’re whip fucking smart and battle experienced with nearly spotless records. General Wesley Clark qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Runner up: Colin Powell. Yep, seriously. A good man and a smart one.

Alternates include Furnell Chapman, Ernest T. Bass, auntjudy.com and Bilbo Baggins.

Secretary of Energy:
Al Gore. Hey everybody! Let’s have an energy policy! Fuckin A! Seriously. Why are we fucking Iraq? Oil. Why are we fucking ourselves? Oil. Why are we fucked? Oil. Duh. I got one syllable for ya. Sun. Nevermind that it makes wind and everything else possible. See what I’m saying? Albert Gore qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Kurt Vonnegut, John Steinbeck, any civilian on COPS, Nikola Tesla and Barney Fife.

Secretary of Homeland Security:
What I’m looking for here is one of those three part names with the word VON in the middle. Wernher Von Braun, for example. We all know this position is a shallow history of dipshits. Joe Biden is an intelligent hothead. Wish I had better for him but he’s my choice. He’s smart and he loathes bullshit.

Alternates include Fred Flinstone for sheer mental prowess, Donna Summer for Disco Lemonade, Larry Flynt for a golden wheelchair and enormous genitals.

Secretary of the Interior:
Willie Nelson. He’ll legalize pot on all government lands and convert every forest service/state park vehicle to biodiesel. There would be a national hootenanny every summer solistice.

Alternates include Newman and Redford, Cheech & Chong, and the Smothers Brothers.

Secretary of Education:
My ultimate preference would have been George Carlin but he’s since taken the dirt nap. Posthumous. I guess I’ll go with Gore Vidal. He’s smart, crazy, gonna die soon and I like his priorities. Wait, Noam Chomsky!

Alternates include Al Bundy, Mr. Spock, Henry Rollins and Alex Trebek

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Dr. Sanja Gupta. Handsome, charismatic, smart and charming.

Alternates include Dr. Dean Edell and Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Director of the National Drug Control Policy:
Bill Maher. This one’s painfully obvious. Reverse this ridiculous obfuscation they choose to label policy. It’s unconscionable. America incarcerates more people per capita than any nation on earth and it’s because of hundreds of thousands of nonviolent drug offenders who aren’t criminals when they enter the prison system but sure as fuck are when they get out. An absurd and failed attempt at social engineering. It doesn’t work. It never had a chance.

Mankind has sought to self medicate since before it was even a possibility. It’s like shoving abstinence down the throats of American teenagers. No possibility for efficacy, no chance ever. It’s counterintuitive, misguided and in opposition to basic human instinct.

It’s a fundamental cudgel for oppression by our government and really fucking stupid.

Alternates include Snoop, Adam Corolla, Lee Van Cleef and Willie Nelson.

White House Chief of Staff:
Jon Stewart. Duh. He’d also be White House press secretary. I’d swoon at the podium in a non gay way. Mancrush. He’d tell us the truth and crack us up whenever his boss fucks up. He’d be allowed to bring his writers with him.

Alternates include Sean Penn, Cris Rock and Lewis Black. Lewis Black……….oooooooohh.

Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency:
Dennis Kucinich. When a Supreme Court vacancy occurs, he’s the man. He carries the Constitution on his person. Otherwise he’d run the shit out of the EPA. Smart, honest, principled. He’ll do the right thing. He’ll fuck shit up. Between his pasty white thighs dangle testes made of zirconia. Bitch. This would be good. Dennis qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Al Gore, John Mellencamp and Don Henley.

Secretary of Transportation:
Ed Begley Jr. Ed knows. Ed cares. Ed will tear shit up. This would be good. Ed qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Robbie Knievel, Dave Grohl and Scotty from Star Trek because he operates the transporter. Well, we’re both Scotsman.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:
Anthony Zinni. We need an intelligent hawk in this office. He’s accomplished. Degree in economics from Villanova. Tough. Four stars and tons of experience. Opposed to at least the prosecution of the war in Iraq. Got fired for it. I’m going out on a limb but I think he’s a man of logic and compassion. Anthony qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton, Maj. Gen. John Batiste, Brig. Gen. John Johns, Navy Vice Adm. David Richardson……….no shortage of good men to oversee the right thing.

Secretary of Agriculture:
What we need here is someone adamantly anti ethanol. Fuel from corn is just dumb. It’s a destructive crop. Bad for the soil. Tons of pesticides It’s only redeeming quality is that it tastes good and it can be made into whiskey. It’s like twice the resources/energy to produce as it ends up producing. There’s already chaos on the world food market as a result of incremental increases in it’s production. Why are we so goddamn stupid? We need an enforcer. A sonofabitch.

That sonafabitch is Chuck Norris. He is what we lack in government. He’s a goddamn Republican, but a grown man that is capable and willing to roundhouse kick other men in the head. Chuck Norris did not slide from a common vagina. He was borne of the ultimate mother. Mother Earth. He will fight for you harder than Larry H. Parker.

Alternates include Bruce Willis, Spiderman, spaghetti western banditos and Sgt. Joe Friday.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:
Dumbya. He needs to see what he has wrought at least five days a week. The damage he’s done to the average American family as well as the madness he’s unleashed on those families with soldiers in Iraq or dead or wounded from Iraq.

Brains scarred with or without a head wound.

Astounding, to behave as though you’ve done nothing but act in our best interest. I doubt a man as stupid even as you, could believe anything remotely resembling that sort of madness. It’s okay Georgie boy. you’ll be the titular head, a position so familiar, it’s all you know. Loser.

No worries, we’ll surround him with genuine talent to show him smart people who care against the worthless ones he hired. He’s a dog in a talent show. “Brownie” can be your office boy. Rove and Cheney will share shifts in the executive washroom.

Secretary of Commerce:
What’s needed here is a pro American worker, pro union. The outsourcing and weakening of American industrial capability must be administered to like the sucking chest wound that it’s become. Enough is enough. I’m looking for someone pretty adept with green industry.

An individual capable of overseeing an investment in our infrastructure that is far more enviromentally responsible than we’ve been so far. A man or woman capable of acting as a genuine secretary for the logistical nightmare of taking funds from the wrong things and directing them towards the right things. An intelligent hard ass.

Hills? She wouldn’t stoop for this turd. Arianna Huffington? Her grasp of the dynamic is unique and abundant with nuance. No way. Ted Nugent? Too stupid.

Any character from The West Wing.

This one has me stumped. Suggestions are welcome.

My point is, this cabinet position is ripe for empowerment. It could benefit immensly from the right candidate possessing the ability to wield influence and charisma to make the post and it’s authority pivotal.

See above for alternates.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:
Oprah, Seann Penn, Brad and Angelina. Together they’ve done far more for the dislocated in New Orleans than our own government. Make it a collective effort and they’ll appoint a staff of capables. If they start to get fucked on funds or legislation, who’s not gonna send a camera and a microphone?

United States Trade Representative:
Bill Richardson. He gets it. He’s smart, experienced and an adroit negotiator.

Alternates include Jack from Jack In The Box, Gandalf and most migrant workers.

Director of the Office of Management and Budget:
What we need here is an honest individual. Joe Biden would be good here too. Chuck Hagel? Yep. I want a thoroughly vetted individual, with integrity and a strong sense of personal accountability. I’m stumped on this one too.

Alternates include David Letterman, Bullwinkle and Bobby Brady.

I’m not prepared at this time to offer a choice for VP. Forgive me. Further study is needed. Trust that I’ll keep you posted.

Bitches.

Drinks for my friends.

“And I saw, and behold, a pale horse: and he that sat upon him, his name was Death; and Hades followed with him………..”

Hey Chelsea, it won’t be Osama, Obama or your momma!

We’re fucked nine ways to Sunday. From hell to
breakfast.

Diseased, canker ridden rats scattering like there’s gunfire. Gonzales,
Rove, Powell, Rumsfeld, Bolton. Libby, Wolfowitz, Mike Brown, and last but not least, the three pigtardians, Franks, Tenet & Bremer.

Last three, recipients of the Presidential Medal of
Freedom. I’m guessing for being shameless at ass
licking and salad tossing at the Dick-in-Bush used car
lot.

Every once in a while I’m forced to wonder if it’s
merely stupid men for stupid times.

The answer is yes.

I really fucking hate these bastards.

Dumbya flashes across screens lastnight looking beat to
roadkill and still he foists the most ridiculous dishonest shit upon us. This smoked and spent human turd is our President. Dumb as a stump and really uncomfortable without a hand up his ass.

Then everyone piles on and does the best they can to
take our dipshit laureate seriously. Analyze and comment on the substance of his message. High fucking comedy.

Here’s an idea kids; Let Iran, Syria and the dirty
medieval Saudis help.

Why not? Stability is in their best interest. The
Saudis are pricks, but they have lots of money and
really hate the idea of a rogue nation right next door.

The Iranian people wouldn’t mind being us. It’s by
far the most progressive country in the region. They
make Saudi culture look like fucking Hee Haw with
televised executions.

This is goddamn ridiculous. Our bumbling inetptitude
resulted in a bouquet of tragedies, not the least of
which is a thorough disdain for America throughout
the region and a power vacuum in Iraq for which we are
soley culpable.

Iran’s interest might be a good idea if we thought
about inviting them to a few birthday parties and
maybe a wedding or two. We’re so fucking stupid.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men are
idiots.

So Why?

Why do we continue to ignore all these common sense
notions?

Here’s a hint.

It weighs 800 hundred pounds, is covered in hair and
has opposable thumbs. A violent behemoth with a withering exhale and an ass that goes unwiped. The Gorilla’s name is Oil.

Actually, it’s official name is Every Natural Resource Available In The Region With An Eye Towards Greater Domination By Controlling More Of The Worlds Energy.

Dick-in-Bush have long since sublimated themselves to this reeking beast.

What we need to understand, is that there is no longer a chance to make this vile primate our bitch. At least not without a third world war which may precipitate an apocolypse of sorts.

The goddamned neocons would all experience priapism on that day I’ll tell you.

Let’s just solve this right here and now. I’m taking common sense for a hundred Alex.

The simian has left the building.

We really have only two choices:

A) Continue to make ignorant and unthinking war, including a unilateral unprovoked attack on Iran. A move that increases the probability of the US wielding nukes at some point because it will simply be all we have left. A move that may go down as humankind’s dumbest day.

B) Or, negotiate and actually enlist Iran’s help in attempting to stabilize Iraq. Stop threatining them with a radioactive ass stomping the period before recess and make friends. Introduce them to the crazy Saudis and the rest of the neighborhood kids, including those pesky Jews, and maybe start a chess club.

A lot of you still haven’t managed to wash the taste of a 70’s Iran and a dickhead Ayatollah out of your mouths. This is a fairly secular, somewhat capitalist country who’s people kind of dig us these days. They don’t like their asshole president either.

There will be horrifying bloodshed regardless. Anyone who thinks a solution is possible without rivers of it is a damn fool. This is real. So it is time to choose and these are the choices.

In the meantime it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get off the cancerous tit of fossil fuels.

Investigate hemp. Corn ruins the soil, requires toxic pesticides and is less efficient than gasoline. Turn that on it’s ear, pun intended, and you have hemp. That’s just energy.

Strongest natural fiber known to man. All textiles and plastics, viable food protein and the crop can be grown virtually anywhere and renewed every 13 to 16 weeks.

Forgive my didacticism, all I’m saying is that this not as hard as it looks. It’s solvable. Yet, only if you pay attention; back the right policies and the right people. Get your fucking heads out of your fucking asses.

OR, vote for me and I’ll save your ass.

I kinda want to be Vice President cause that’s where the power is.

Drinks for my friends.

So, the no confidence vote on Gonzales went down like
a flaming depleted uranium Zeppelin yesterday in the
Senate.

Big suprise.

Ooooh. The jackass party was able to achieve lockstep
for an action that was completely symbolic. Ahhhh!

Yet with barely a glance from the great unwashed, it’s
eggshell skull was dashed upon the rocks and sensitive
brains were washed away like scrambled embryos. Eggs, I mean.

Most who’s heads were opened in the fray were already inflicted with advanced scoliosis. A few lacked spines entirely but their floating visages were held aloft by the power of knowing that what they chose to do on this day didn’t matter a bit. After all, it was a foregone conclusion and no one was watching.

Paris was back in the pokey!

Their bravery and conviction would make my lips
quiver, if I had a fucking vagina!!

Do I care if Gonzales takes the dirt nap? I realize it doesn’t matter because they’ll just plug in another asshole. They’ll probably end up amputating one prong from whoever the poor bastard is because the neocons are a two prong receptacle. They lack a seperate ground. I digress.

Fuck yes I’d like to see that scheming, hopelessly corrupt, sociopathic, dickless excuse for wearing a suit, spiral into shame and oblivion. Maybe we can trump up some child molestation charges and send him to a state prison in Texas.

Really. Wow. Our legislative branch was not even
able to label the most overt stumblefuck of the
Dick-in-Bush administration a fucktard today. He counts as the most overt one because former superstars like Rumsfeld are gone.

What’s Rummy up to? Growing herbs in a window box and maybe a little model ship building?

“A waste of time”, the elephants of the GOP had to
say.

“Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell chided
Democrats for ‘spending our time on a meaningless
resolution about giving the president advice about who
the attorney general ought to be.’

-from Bloomberg.

It occurs to me that the legislative branch ought get
involved when the blind and ignorant or evil and all knowing executive branch dogmatically and stubbornly supports a complete loser.

I mean, according to his own testimony, Albert with a
0 (that’s a zero kids) can’t remember what his dick looks like. What he
likes in his coffee or if we’re all created equal.

See kids, here’s the deal. Gonzales is the bulkhead protecting Rove and Cheney on this issue. The same way Rumsfeld was on a completely different issue. The same way Libby was. The same way Peter Pace was. Or Powell, Ascroft, DeLay and Wolfowitz. Heard much from Condi lately? Bitch.

I typically write these rants once I’ve worked up a
head of steam, gotten my mad on, if you will. Tonight,
not so much. I’m not suprised and can barely manage
disappointed.

Let me take another run at this.

This guy is a global embarrassment. He’s a fucking
pawn. Everyone, and I mean every one, knows what this
sycophantic automaton is about. And it’s sick, that
this piece of shit gamepiece enjoys the blanket of
neoconservative warmth. That he who is supposed to
embody justice fights so obstinately against it. This
greasy prick showed up with with Andy Card at
Ashcroft’s bedside when he was fighting for his own
worthless life, to twist his arm into allowing our
Aronists Laureate to do whatever the fuck they wanted
to do to you and me.

He doesn’t recall any of it.

Before this bastard was the law of the land he was
chief waterboy at the pissing end of Dick-in-Bush. As
White House Counsel he wrote that which he is now in
charge of defending at the pleasure of Dumbya.

This is all disturbing and profoundly disgusting on a day when Paris Hilton commands more attention than any of what I’m
pontificating about. It makes me sure that at least
in some way, we deserve it.

We do actually. We’ve allowed a scenario where our
very own elected representatives are more beholdin’ to a single
party and its jingoistic disease of dogma than the constituents at who’s pleasure they’re supposed to serve. Pricks.

Just like our military, our congress, our executives, our values, our morals, our ethics, just like all of them, our judiciary and the office of Attorney General of the United States is rent asunder. Scorched, perhaps irreparably.

Bobby Kennedy held that office and it may have cost him his life.

If that wasn’t the beginning of the end I don’t know what was.

Everyone besides Dick-in-Bush understands that this
pooch is screwed. Gangraped, from hell to
breakfast. Nine ways to Sunday. It’s over. We broke
it. Possession is ours.

Our fault.

Drinks for my friends.

And now, as we stand swaying, drunk with hubris, ignorance and power that we longer possess, swaying on the precipice of world war three, a complete disaster and perhaps what these necons seem so anxious for, the apocolypse, we learn that Condi Rice may have forgotten to tell us about something that would make the whole catastrophe moot.

My apologies for the length of that sentence. Try to stay with me.

details here and here

Apparently, there was a serious overture on the part of both the religious and political leadership at the time (2003) in Iran to not only support America’s military efforts in the region, but to also recognize Israel as a legitimate state and to engage in cogent efforts to extinguish terrorism including relinquishing ties to Hezbollah and Hamas.

We haven’t had diplomatic relations with this country since 1979 and Dr. Condoleezza Rice doesn’t remember anything about such a magnanimous and historically significant proposal. Despite the fact that Colin Powell told the the aide to Rice (Flynt Leverett) that there would be no sale at the White House.

She doesn’t remember. What’s new? Libby can’t remember shit and Dick-in-Bush act like they’re in that Ground Hog Day movie with Bill Murray.

Forgive me. Are you fucking kidding me? We walked away from that?

Dick-in-Bush and Condi too, kicked this golden goose to death and then pretended like it had never arrived on a Pennsylvania Avenue doorstep in a pretty gift wrapped basket.

Hey America! This is your foreign policy at work. Stare down the throat of the gift horse and then beat it over the head with a sledge until it draws it’s last breath in pain and confusion.

Could it be that they welcome with glee the notion of these poor bastards emerging from their holes festooned with open sores and lesions from radiation poisoning as a result of either our or Israel’s nuclear tipped bunker busters? Not unlike the undead? Like fucking zombies who are well aware of their expiration date? There are a ton of them that think very little of walking into a crowded marketplace and detonating themselves and burning and exploding everyone around them.

Am I scaring you yet? It’s right around the goddamn corner.

I intend to stay on this subject for awhile. It is literally the most important subject in the world today.

Two carrier groups and a third on the way soon. We’re standing at the fence in the front yard. They really have no choice but to wait for us to come over the fence and start shooting. And then, they will. And then. We will.

This is all a really stupid game for a prize that is in everyone’s best interest to render obsolete.

Watch for the fireworks kids. Nightly over Teheran. Sometime this spring.

Drinks for my friends………..