Mayonnaise, not just a condiment, but a sauce

What we have here……is a huge celebrity. Worldwide. Global. Looks like it’s a problem. Our Man, by virtue of charisma, an absolutely uncanny ability to communicate, to orate a fresh and hopeful message, not just to Americans, but a good number of this planet’s citizenry, may have doomed himself for being so goddamn adept at showing us there is a better way.

Two hundred thousand plus showed up in Berlin.

What a shame, that so many of have grown so cynical as to stare so arrogantly into the mouth of this gift horse.

What a shame, that upon finally being presented with the real deal, so many many of us can’t help but be convinced that he must be an elitist. An arugula eating snob because he talks to the people of the world like adults.

I confess, I like arugula a lot. My favorite is a dish with perfectly grilled polenta, a thick vinegarette and a generous amount of gorgonzola. I get it to go and put a little Bob’s on top when I get home.

With the exception of the Bob’s, the other ingredients would probably lead most of the great unwashed to assume I’m an enthusiastic pole smoker. Were I to mention that it pairs well with a nice blanc de blancs, well then, I’m sure they’d be willing to assume the worst, that it’s not the only salad I’m willing to toss. Whatever.

They would be right. I don’t imbibe penis, but have no problem with those that deign to do so, regardless of gender. It goes without saying, I encourage and applaud the females. I am a progressive individual in both thought and deed.

I love sushi and crave caviar.

I believe health care should be free or at least affordable for the people of the richest country on earth. I think we should stop shaking our fists at countries that disagree with us. In fact, I really would prefer that we stopped bombing all the brown people. After all, the back of the most formidable military in the history of the world has been rent asunder by that very policy.

We should do our best to stop sucking our planet dry and instead utilize what the universe offers for free. The sun and the wind and the tide.

Know what else I like? Risotto. When prepared with care, it is like the most delicately textured pasta imaginable, in the unlikeliest pellet form. Mushrooms. Get it with mushrooms and aged parmesan.

I think we should legalize most drugs. Tax and regulate them to eliminate the criminal infrastructure and mitigate the astounding numbers of incarcerated that we pay for on top of the ridiculous “war on drugs”. On the other hand, it may suprise you to know that I’m thinking maybe anyone dealing meth or in the business of propagating it, might be better off dead.

Ever had a perfectly BBQ’d pork chop with a really good zinfandel?

You know what really chaps my ass? The erosion of our civil rights and liberties. FISA. Posse Comitatus. The Patriot Act. Amendments One and Four. All of the aforementioned have been severely and egregiously advanced in the last seven years while we voluntarily popped our thumbs into our asses and looked the other way because we were scared.

The most successful society in the history of humankind allowed itself to be frightened by it’s own so thoroughly, it’s literally frozen at the wheel. A deer in the headlights.

Both. Ha!

Try this:
Find a place with good, thin shoestring fries. Squeeze a lemon over them. Apply salt, preferably from the sea. Dip in mayonnaise and/or ketchup. I’m not a big beer drinker but most beers work well with this. Stick to lighter ones. Hefe weizen, pilsner and most authentic lagers work nicely.

I’m going to hold out two hands. You’ll need to pick one. Fair warning, in one hand is the very aggressive sale of fear and doubt. Let me know if you want me to tell you which hand it is.

I’ve started eating chili cheese fries. So far, Carl’s sets the bar.

I hear Cheney won’t be at the convention. Fuck me, that’s funny.

Drinks for my friends.

11 Responses to “Mayonnaise, not just a condiment, but a sauce”

  • admin:

    Managers know better than to admit publicly one of baseball’s most unsavory truths, that a select number of hit-by-pitches registered each year come laced with intent. The purpose pitch – or the purpose hit, in these instances – is simply a part of baseball, and whether it’s to keep a batter from getting too comfortable or avenge some kind of perceived misdeed, it will never go away, no matter how much Major League Baseball tries to police its game.

  • David Lee 3:

    Thank GOD you didn’t proselytize for Miracle Whip instead.
    How some people cannot tell the difference between that crap Mayo leaves me puzzled.

  • Tony:

    Regarding the legalization of drugs I agree- most should be legalized. I go by a formulation my friend created- if it comes from the Earth, with little or no modification, then it should be legal. If it requires advanced knowledge of chemistry and more beakers, test tubes, and more bunsen burners than my high school chem class, it should be illegal.

    That includes most “prescription” drugs. Especially the ones where the side effects from taking the drug sound worse than the ailment itself.

  • admin:

    Well, I must confess I kinda like pills.

  • David Lee 3:

    Oh yeah,.. the drugs issue.
    Legalize EVERYTHING! & instead of spending billions on “prison care” we could spend that on preventative care/treatment/counseling.

    BUT GOD PLEASE..Let all the meth smoking junkies die… like yesterday!

    It would probably clean up life as we know it on this planet in a quantum fashion. Hell it would probably mean that 30% of all Govt employees would have to be fired at the least.

    I ask humbly, ..”Lord,.. PLEASE,… PLEASE Let all the crack addled skeletons whither away into the dust….. They have stopped being the people anyone loved once they started sucking the devils dick in earnest (& / or became Repugnicunts)… So please smite them Yashua”

    I’m all about empathy for other caring people, but tonight on the way to get beer, I had an argument with an obviously crack addicted transexual hooker asking for “change” (no I was NOT hanging with Eddie Murphy as I walked to the rebel store in my neighborhood!…And thanks to years of living in Holy-Weird, I saw the adams apple right away.. yeah.. nice neighborhood I’m in) as I walked down the street.

    Shim asked for change.. Which I usually give freely to VFW looking guys..
    It was only because I saw the scars of speed all over her/his/its’ face body, & the picked scabs that I asked her/him/it to, “PLEASE, don’t smoke this (50 cents) up.” A bold move to some pussies, but a necessary step to me.

    Shim looked at me incensed & said, “How dare you say that,.. you don’t know me?!? You need to ‘apologize’!”

    I dipped my head momentarily.. & exploded, “WHO,.. do you think.. you are FUCKING KIDDING? I’m not new… do I look like a ‘mark’ to you? Give me my fucking money back now…. NOW!!”

    She dropped my 50 cents and stormed down the street.
    Shim started on a tirade about how their man had just beat the shit out of them & how they were ‘pregnant’ with their child & how they had no way to get to the strip club to dance & to blah blah blah blah blah.

    ..I pray to any Jewish carpenter in the sky that bitch dies next week… “IT” is wasting valuable oxygen for good folks.

    & for the record: I have NO qualms nor never have had any whatsoever, with good gay/bi/transgendered folks. I love my sane gay peeps. Some of the smartest, funniest & most talented people I have known/met/worked with.

    I have always been all about love no matter the combination, as long as it is consensual. But I abhor crack addled skeletons who dare to test my street wit & patience.

    …ok, I feel better now. A bong rip or two & a beer will keep me from killing….. today that is.
    Thanks Brainspank! You saved a crackheads life & myself from going to prison by letting me vent.

    God help us all (& especially the sales of your next book.)

  • admin:

    You fucking crack me up. Good stuff.

  • Supercan:

    To the goose who wrote the initial blog,

    If you were an ignorant so and so and heard “Free booze” and “Concert”, wouldn’t you go along? Yes. And thats why so many turned up to listen to Barak Hussein Obama.

    You open your eyes. Legalize drugs? You are a silly Goose. You think you have all the answers. I don’t care what kind of food you like. Before you stuff your face and write blogs again spouting your political crap, try to think.

  • …and all those Obama shirts and signs and emotions were given out?


  • admin:

    Yep, this guy may be a dick, but that’s ok. I welcome the opposition. I approve every comment you see.

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