Archive for the ‘Attorney General’ Category

“This is a big fucking deal”  -Joe Biden.

“The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.”  -MLK

The Devil is thriving in the Catholic church.

The Ides of March have passed.

The health care bill passed with some drama.  As it should.

Outside, the wind blows hard.

My favorite part is that they lied without shame and cheated overtly and they still lost with ceremony all around them on worldwide television.  Republicans sucked the other day like they haven’t in decades and it was all on display.  They barked like dogs and continue to whine like toddlers.  Shameless.

I readily confess I don’t have my brain wrapped entirely around this bill and some specifics of the reconciliation language.  I have been paying attention.  I didn’t for a time and then I did again.  I got kinda sick of it all.  It does suck.  The bill.  As in sucking chest wound suck.  A mandate without fierce oversight, a mechanism to not only compete but provide accountability and barometric pressure is pure dumb.

A license to ill.

It was on it’s head already.  I sort of understand the economic imperative behind the mandate but throw us a bone bitches or don’t even bother touching me there.

 

I just can’t help but get caught up in the symbolism.  I know the bill sucks but it does accomplish some pretty important shit.  I’ll defer to the fantastic Ms. Maddow:

“On September 23rd…

• All kids get covered (no pre-existing conditions)
  
• Can’t get dropped if you get sick (no more insurance companies dropping you)
  
• No more lifetime limits (on benefits)
  
• Children can stay on until 26 (coverage up to that age)
  

On January 1, 2011…

• Premium payment reformed (80-85% for medical care) with rebate if you don’t use coverage
  
• Free Medicare preventative care (no co-pays)
  

By 2014…

• Total ban on all pre-existing condition denials
  
• Health exchanges open
  
• End to annual limits on benefits

Republicans want to repeal this…”  -democraticunderground.com

I’m not sure I want to “do” Rachel but I’m positive I want to get her drunk and cuddle.

So yeah, some good stuff.  It’s just that it barely flirts with incentive for fairness via non profit competition.

That’s the part I liked the most when we started this whole thing.  I see it as key.  Public option, extended Medicare, whatever.  Vital.  We have miles to go before we sleep.

Single payer, Universal, whatever label you choose and whomever you choose to accuse,  the richest spender nation on the planet ought to be covering it’s people.  We buy half of all the weapons.  Half of all of them.  Half of all the weapons made for war, we buy.  I don’t think we’re as big as Canada geographically, but our dick is way bigger.  Can you hear me now?  WAY bigger.  We could take Canada in 72 hours without the military.  They don’t have many guns but we do.

What exactly are health exchanges?  We now know they will be open.  How many?  Where?  I’ll assume that’s good news.  A place to trade bandages and syringes.  Do I have to volunteer?  I’m gonna have to choke a bitch.  I’m gonna have to read this bill and the 157 page reconciliation.  I’m working like twelve hours a week and taking a class.  You can see how I’m underwater.

My feet hurt and it’s humiliating.

It’s a simple problem and the answer is simple.  Shave five or fifteen cents off the defense budget and we can throw in some jobs for infrastructure.  Health care, jobs and mortgage relief.  We spend half the entire global budget on weapons and ten times as much as our nearest competitor.  China.  That there is my idea of Socialism, spending way too much of the people’s money on things they vehemently disagree with.  Wait, that’s Communism.  Isn’t it?  When they can’t afford roof and bread it is.  There is your Goddamn communism.

That there is your buttock.

Wars are your ass.

Your ass mam, has gone missing.

I’m trying to make a point here.  We still are a wealthy nation, despite our recent financial regress.  Much of it was concentrated without equity in the last decade but there is plenty of money right here in River City.  There is no reason, moral or fiscal, we should be denied this right.  It insults my intelligence when anyone complains about paying for it.  They talk about health care being 15 to 18 percent of our GDP.  The defense budget is well over half of every dollar you pay in taxes.  We spend so much fucking money on weapons, it makes the world go round.

Literally.  The world turns because of America’s efforts to be able to kill everyone of us.  Thank God for us.  Don’t piss us off.

Still, I’m impressed and finally proud again of the Democrats.  They pulled it off and scared the crap quite literally out of the obstructionist asstards by supplying them with an example of lockstep so long taken for granted as a fundament in the Republican playbook.  Smoked them at their own game.  Here’s hoping this bodes well and emboldens this heretofore assemblage of invertebrates.  See little Billy, we knew you could do it.  Now get your little ass back out there because the game isn’t even half over.  Be a Democrat for fucks sake.

Now the crazies come out like corpses of Laurel & Hardy with giant red eyed rats speeding off and away from their persons and pockets and folds.  Slack jawed zombies repeating obsolete talking points and swinging scythes.  The Baggers.  The Birthers.  The Hawks, Neocons, Bigots and Bible thumpers.  What an egregious ship of fools.  Obsructionist pricks for infamy.  Avoid their rodent familiars and do not dance with either of any of them.

It’s not safe to drink their liquor.

They really are beginning to parody themselves.

I’ve always thought that being a good loser is important.  I’ve been on the losing end enough to approach being gracious I think.  I’m hopeful that losing has humbled me, it sucks and it shames me but I try to learn and stuff and be polite about it.  The way one loses speaks volumes about one’s character.  If you listened to Boehner on the floor the other night or The Human Shitsmear and Butt Boy Hannity these last few mornings you might think the sky is about to kill you in your bed.

Not good losers, but excellent assholes.

These pricks are the epitome of sore losers along with the entire lock step, teeth full of Orios, lime green plastic tumbler full of cherry Kool Aid and rum mouth breathing members of the 1/4 Paradigm.  That was a pretty cool sentence.  If you don’t know about the 1/4 paradigm, categories are on the right on the main page.  Just scroll down.  I have a fairly general theory about relativity and how it applies without bias but with predictable pattern in a sociopolitical context.  I offer a bold constant.

I don’t really know about other countries but I understand very well that one of every four people in this country are ignorant dipshits.  My “1/4 Paradigm”.  In stores near you.

You’d think an invitation was extended to a banquet just ahead of the apocalypse.  You’d think because we passed a weak ass health care bill we were courting Satan himself.  The bill sucks.  Hello irony.  Fuck us in the neck.

The reaction has been of the meanest of spirit and bafflingly irrational.  Childish and callow.  Pointless.  Some fourteen state attorneys general have or intend to file suit.  Futile.  Not going to happen, if any single case enjoys a day in court it will be ashes, ashes and they will all fall down.  A waste of time money and the attention of even the dumbest citizens.  Give me a break.  Might as well piss up a rope.

Children of the corn.

What has my attention is the ugly and still gathering brutal reaction of the great unwashed.

Bricks through windows and awful terrorizing threats directed at our elected representatives that have finally and with courage, attempted the right thing on behalf of us all.  Stupak came around and they went after him like a common enemy.  Cheers Bart.  Those were your people.  An articulate bunch.  Very brave and very cool.

Kucinich is still the king of composure and principal.  What a class act.  I think Maddow and Kucinich should snuggle.  Just then, Dennis’ hot, six foot tall, copper haired, wife with a scorching accent enters the room in a black skirt, pumps and a line up the back of the stocking.  Nobody gets the Kucinich cool like I do.

Cantor’s claim of a bullet is looking dubious.  I bet that little prick is lying.

What frightens me is the virulence and vehemence, the irrational fury of those that would oppose a leap forward.

What makes me sick is the publicly elected officials who foment such dehumanizing disregard for common decency and difference of, or deference for, an opinion.  This is America.  We aren’t ever going to be herded onto boxcars for mass extermination.  If it ever happens here it will last an afternoon, maybe a day.  I’m not referencing irresponsible roundheads like Limbaugh, Hannity or Beck but rather the Boehners, Bachmanns, Cantors, Kings, Grassleys and Demints.  Allegedly responsible representatives who hobby, trade and wage in fear and dangerous incendiary nonsense.

Dirty, filthy immoral bastards who would blow anyone for $20k.  How do these people get taken seriously?  See above.

They deliberately cultivate and collect the same brand of bigoted, racist and ignorant subhuman that so violently opposed civil rights legislation.  Dumbass mouth breathing fucktards.  A handful of those folks have ended up being assassins.  Murderers.

American tradition and legacy is such that justice and liberty for all eventually prevails.  When there is will there is way.

It can take a while and never without a price.  The vulgar and profane consistently manage to extract more than a pound of flesh.  They are arrogant and bereft of humility.  At this pace, there will be blood.

They will go too far unfortunately and their cause will be consigned to history as ill advised and malattempted.  Political leprosy.  Social pariahs.  Just like McCarthy, Nixon and Dumbya’s entire posse.

These people are as ridiculous as they are dangerous.  There will be blood.

Just do the best you can to think peace.  It’s gonna get ugly.

It just might start rural.

All these earth quakes.  Bound to be a volcano.  See what I’m saying?

Health care is no mere privilege but a right that comes with being born human at least.  I believe that.  I always will.

Drinks for my friends.

The Obama administration has decided, with the wind of wisdom and intellectual honesty at it’s back, to prosecute various conspirators participating in the events of 9/11, in open federal court.  In America.  Land of the free.  Home of the brave.  I applaud this without reservation, but with some necessary modicum of concern.

The venue is correct.  After eight years of bullshit, so is the system and it’s location.

Military tribunals are for pussies and those with something to hide.

Worse case scenario results in some, if not all of the handful being tried, receiving reduced sentences or significantly decreased punishment because of their treatment under the auspices of the Dick-in-Bush administration.  Torture.  I’m here to tell you it’s a legitimate concern.  I understand it from every angle. So yeah, really, the only thing that might possibly mitigate the process in any way is the fact that we tortured the fuck out of them.

We did.  Shut up.  We did.

Wouldn’t that suck.

I do believe Eric Holder is a bright guy and has taken these egregious and flagrant circumstances into account.  Despite the obvious malfeasance on the part of the Dick-in-Bush dynasty, he will get his pound of flesh.  He has the facts m’am.  It will be allright, they do know what they do.

For what it’s worth, we’re no longer dealing with boneheads.  It really is different now.

I hesitate to judge, but I imagine they’ve got this figured the fuck out.

Outside the circle, there is every concern that collateral damage will obviously be brought to light and necessarily prosecuted along side.  There is legitimate hand wringing over what open testimony will focus the antiseptic of sunlight upon.  Beyond Khalid Sheikh Mohammed being waterboarded 183 times.  A practice by the way, we tried and executed a number of Japanese for.  A practice by the way, that allowed us to define various Japanese as war criminals for engaging in.  We killed them for it and we did it to one man one hundred and eighty three times and by all accounts, we got all of our information from him before we engaged in it, and nothing but fucking nonsense thereafter.

By “we”, I mean Dick-in-Bush.

By “we”, I mean idiots.  Fucking clueless fucktards.

What happens when everyone who hasn’t been paying attention discovers this glaring fact?  What if there is more that we don’t know and I bet there is?  Oh, snap.  Fuck me.  Fuck us.

This might be good.

I hate America, you see.  I’ll bet you can tell by my t-shirt.  Or maybe because I will tell you to your face that the the very least of my concerns is or are terrorists.  I think toxic waste is a bigger threat for example or the lack of health care.  Anyway.

It is here we discover the consummate fear of the right wing over this decision to present the facts against these men in in open court.  Military tribunals are a notoriously secret affair.  The record for terrorists by the way, is military tribunals or commissions = 3 (three) convictions.  Class C federal courts = 350 (three hundred fifty) convictions.

Do the math.  Orange whip anyone?

Does this look infected to you?

No one on the right or the left legitimately fears our ability to incarcerate these fucks.  We are really good at putting people in jail and keeping them there.  We do so with more of our people per capita than any other country on earth.  These guys are douchebags compared to your average imprisoned gang member.  Give me a break.

All of the right wing hacks, The Human Shitsmear included, fear that the policies of the Dick-in-Bush administration will be on trial as well.  The irony is that these fucks are now promoting a complete lack of faith or trust in our Constitution and system of justice, ideals they spend every other waking moment, breathlessly pontificating on the liberal lack of respect towards, deliberate corruption thereof or willful disregard for.  Now, abruptly, they revoke all faith in a system of beliefs which has served us for more than two hundred and thirty years; a construct of ideals for which they have never failed to accuse any and all who would seek to define them further, to be in blatant and shameful violation of.  They now denounce blatantly, the idea that this very system can serve us at all in the most extreme, important and precious of contexts.  These people are fucking fools.

I know, that’s convoluted but stay with me.

They fear the truth and justice of the American way of getting to the Goddamn bottom of things.  They fear that we’ll all learn more truth than they intended.  They hate that we will discover where they stepped over the line and made matters so much worse.  That Americans will know what the rest of the world already does.  That we prosecuted multiple wars for no real reason and that it was never in the average Americans best interest but only served to enrich already ridiculously wealthy Americans and that our liberties and rights were simultaneously eroded and allowed to atrophy by razing us with empty fear, empty nationalism and overt jingoism.

They did it all on purpose.  The very same thing the Right wing whackjobs would and do accuse the the mild and sensible Left of is what they panic about us discovering they’ve been up to.  Fuck these guys.  Notice Cheney has shut the fuck up?  Where’s his little dog Liz?  They know we’re getting close.

My guess is the goal of our AG Mr. Holder and the Obama administration is to bring these dishonorable methods to light while they debunk their efficaciousness, highlight the inequity, and ultimately demonstrate that torture is a bullshit methodology and beyond unnecessary in convicting these bastards but potentially jeopardizing and tainting it all together nonetheless. 

Pretty ballsy if you ask me but I like it.  I like it a lot.

And guess what?  The first pricks that decided to try and bring the towers down were dealt with in the same way.  By our flawed system of justice that exists for all Americans.  They’re all in American prisons for life.  Duh.  Remember?  Back in the nineties?

May I have extra sauce?

It’s an opportunity for our imperfect but still shining system to glow a little and show the world that the standard we have for our own can still apply to any who would wrong and kill us on our own soil despite where they come from.  It is my hope that the process will reveal a further glimpse into the complicity of our own and perhaps that is what they are most afraid of.  Nevermind the context or the circumstances, our system is beyond adequate in this instance.  It can, when challenged, mete out judicature in a manner that just might reveal as much flaw as it does direction for recompense and justice.  Ultimate and severe as should be the case.

Extra cheese too?

Nothing to worry about.  No matter.  We will see justice served.

If for whatever reason, convictions are not attained, we will still be supplied fairness with an eye opening understanding of the last administration’s transgressions and the compromises we’ve all become victims of.  Either way, justice will be served.  I am prepared for either outcome.  Are you?

I trust our system in this case.  I imagine it just might be a ripe and timely test of it.  I’m hoping it serves us well.  I’m really looking forward to the process of jurisprudence presenting some very difficult questions.  I’m counting on this being very interesting.  If it fails to at least be interesting, I imagine it will have failed us in general.

As an American, it’s all I can ask and no less than I have right to expect.

I’m asking for pickles on the side.

Waitress?

Drinks for my friends.     

So the titular head of the GOP says, “The era of apologizing for Republican mistakes of the past is now officially over”.

Huh.  You think?  In light of all the malice, avarice and incompetence your party has fomented and been complicit in for the last eight years, you’re no longer accountable?  Not to be asked or even compelled to apologize?

Michael Steele issued this proclamation.  He has giant balls made of flaky, semi solid, foamy stuff.  Premier asstard of the GOP.

Hey Mike, wanna bet?

Mike is a loose lipped cashier.  He’s also an idiot.

Looks like somebody picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

This dark stain is your legacy.  I’m thinking you guys need to make peace with that.  It’s a blood stain.  You won’t be taken seriously until you do.

It is this exact brand of arrogance that keeps Republican stock in the shitter.  That, and the looming visage of dickheads like Darth Cheney and  the Human Shitsmear.  These two aren’t the only ones tripping over themselves while waltzing  through the GOP’s intestines.  I adore how jacked up they are.

Somebody doesn’t get the difference between consonants and vowels.

Meanwhile and just in time, swine flu rears it’s ugly head again.  Somebody died!  Quick, call Mr. Little, first name Chicken.

In other news, two groups are seeking disbarment of twelve Bush administration lawyers.  Despite a rather overt political posture, their argument is pretty airtight:

“Just as the bar would suspend an attorney who advised a police officer to torture and brutalize a detained immigrant or criminal defendant, the bar must suspend these attorneys for advocating and causing the torture of war detainees,” said Kevin Zeese, a spokesman for the groups. -UPI

Fuckin A, I’m good with that.  All the assholes were named.  Yoo, Ashcroft, Gonzales and Mukasey et al.  Don’t know about you, but I’m getting a half leaner over here.  It won’t amount to shit.

Hi.  I oppose birth control and abortion in the same breath.  I really believe you should get married to experience live dick insertion.  Who am I?  I’m the Catholic Church and I’m okay, I lust all night and I hypocrite all day.  Premarital sex is a sin but ass raping young boys isn’t even outre’…………

When did prisoners become detainees?

John Boehner actually said “our constituents don’t want these terrorists in their neighborhoods”.  He fucking said it.  The subject was Gitmo detainees.  Boehner’s neighborhoods are in Ohio.  How do you say that with a straight face at a press conference in front of cameras?  John Boehner’s neighborhoods in Ohio, are light years from a military prison in Kansas surrounded by a military base.  This whole debate is regoddamndiculous.  Boehner needs to lay off the bronzer.  His eyes are particulary reptilian in contrast with his earnestness to become a lite skinned black man.

Who is this fuck?

Boehner is creepy weird and an astoundingly magnificent dickhead.  He’s so full of shit his caramel orange pallor may just be benefiting from the tremendous output and efficiency yielded by his super human shit producing capability.  It’s all he can do to keep from vomiting actual warm crap while speaking.  Several times a day he burp-pukes and swallows turds back down into his gullet.

Let me tell you how I feel about John Boehner.

This guy is more queer than a pole vaulter in an ice storm.

What the rest of us need to remember, is that are we to march jackbooted in lock step like the Republicans did until the obvious consequence of rot and implosion transpired, events will be eerily similar.

Or, diversity will emerge as strength.  It already has.

Diversity could be the next exclusivity.  Beware.  Don’t laugh, because I’m not kidding and that could be scary.  Ubiquitous caucasian males would be in for a tough time.  Too many of us.

White power!

Drinks for my friends.

A trifecta of issues have been chapping my ass of late.

ITEM ONE:

Is there a more appropriate term for the completely contrived “protest” by whackjob flat-earthers other than “teabagging”?

Methinks not.

“the insertion of one man’s sack into another person’s mouth. Used a practical joke or prank, when performed on someone who is asleep, or as a sexual act.” -UrbanDictionary.com

I love this shit.

In effect, they will protest the single largest tax cut on America’s middle class, working poor and impoverished in our history. They will actively lament an increased tax burden on America’s wealthiest five percent that still ends up being less than what their sacred small government charlatan Ronald Reagan imposed.

These people are idiots.

Not only does it pervert and vulgarize the original defiance by colonists who orchestrated and participated in The Boston Tea Party, it’s a knock kneed, anti-intellctual parody of genuine patriotism. I’m here to tell you these fuckers heads are as round as the average potato. Think pineal.

The lockstep conservatives have chosen the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. They are retarded and unable to wipe their own snot bubbling noses and drool weeping, recessed chins. Pathetic.

No one but Fox News seems to notice. Can you say ‘marginalized’?

ITEM TWO:

Looks like the GOP is resolute in blocking the release of actual legal opinions produced by the Bush administration’s OLC (Office of Legal Council), regarding torture. There are in fact three such memos issued by the OLC, one of the highest legal offices in the land, permitting and allowing for, under the auspices of American legal authority, the sadistic treatment and physical violence upon captured individuals in violation of Geneva Conventions as well as human decency and longstanding American ideals related to the treatment of prisoners of war.

Actual legal opinions proffered by the Bush administration that are apparently so profound and disgusting that Senate Republicans are willing to engage in blackmail to prevent their being released to media and the public.

“A reliable Justice Department source advises me that Senate Republicans are planning to “go nuclear” over the nominations of Dawn Johnsen as chief of the Office of Legal Counsel in the Department of Justice and Yale Law School Dean Harold Koh as State Department legal counsel if the torture documents are made public. The source says these threats are the principal reason for the Obama administration’s abrupt pullback last week from a commitment to release some of the documents. A Republican Senate source confirms the strategy. It now appears that Republicans are seeking an Obama commitment to safeguard the Bush administration’s darkest secrets in exchange for letting these nominations go forward…” -Scott Horton, The Daily Beast

Fuck me running.

They all stood right in front of us and swore up and down that America does not torture. That we don’t kidnap and “render” to countries that attach electrodes to the genitals or nearly drown “detainees”. That we don’t beat and humiliate or emasculate. They are fucking liars. And now, sitting members of the Senate, the world’s ‘greatest deliberative body’, openly engage in foul and despicable brinksmanship designed to keep the official sanctioning of that truth from our citizens.

Fuck you John Yoo. Fuck you Alberto Gonzales. Fuck you Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. There is nothing and no things any of you could possibly do to right this wrong you all so willingly and zealously fomented and encouraged. The stain you leave will be visible for centuries and the damage you have wrought will be your legacy long after worms have consumed your rotting corpses and shat them into soil.

ITEM THREE:

Al Franken.

Hey Norm Coleman. Shut the fuck up and start looking for a job. Al Franken didn’t clean your clock but he won. Have some dignity or maybe some vanity. Sheezus. You lost. Everyone agrees. Have you no shame? A whip smart comedian bested you in a public contest. Ten out of ten dentists agree, time to look for a job. Maybe you could be Michele Bachmann’s pool boy.

This shit is ridiculous.

Drinks for my friends.

We’re fucked.

In the past few months the market has lost forty seven percent of it’s value. Unemployment is a vertical dragrace. A precipitous ascent. These two items represent America’s testicles. The market and jobs is our nutsack. Balls meet vise.

There’s probably not a single business in this country that could weather a near fifty percent reduction in revenue and stay afloat. America, and the globe, are in huge trouble. We are in a free fall. I’m glad I have a place to go. There’s room for my stereo. Barely. Limited growing season, but that might change.

Bill Maher said that he always knew Dumbya had one giant fuck up left in him. Here it is on a platter. The mother of them all. Saved the worst for last. Where are the neocons on this anyway? Where the hell is Dumbya and Darth? Fucking clowns aren’t gonna do shit. They’ll wait it out and then take a walk.

A long time coming. Decades. Any fool with common sense understood our lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. The raw material we consume. The resources we exhaust and the pollution we spew.

I’m a little pissed my generation has to bear the burden. It matters not where the bodies are buried. If your at all curious, check your own backyard. Pervasive.

No one single action will solve this debacle. There is no magic bullet. We are in for a very long night.

Get ready, things are about to change.

Having said that, we need to tip the fuck out of Iraq and seriously slash defense spending. Pay the troops, take care of the vets, maintain infrastructure and walk away from everything else. Sounds drastic and it is, but once the DOW dropped below eight thousand and stayed there, the theoretical bottom disappeared.

This will take a decade at least.

Our Man is bequeathed a shitstorm of extraordinary magnitude. A cat five economic hurricane. I worry that he’ll spend his first term putting his fingers in holes as opposed to being able to move us forward. No matter what, the blood will make it to the stairs. Americans are impatient and stupid and I worry they’ll see it as an ineffective Presidency.

Bleak, bleak, bleak.

I’ve got ER on the plasma with the sound off and see that it’s pretty much the same. I learn US Attorney General Mukasey took a dive at the podium in front of the federalists. I see that gas prices are looking for bottom. This is not good news. Bear witness as the harbingers of doom testify.

It’s not just that we’ll be poorer. My ass is broke. I’ll find my own way out. I can deal with that. It’s the inevitable atrophy of society that gives me pause. Crime and corruption will enjoy a renaissance. We will be less safe from ourselves, never mind the mythical terrorists.

Get ready for an army of homeless. Abandoned vehicles. Fire. Food shortages. Fuel shortages.

See, I’m not looking to lower expectations, it’s just that the complexity and severity of what we all face is a long fast moving train with brakes that will take awhile. We might just aspire to counting ourselves lucky if we’re treading in the same water we are today four years from now. It may just look like a victory come 2012.

It’s bad.

Official brainspank prediction is that markets rebound enough tomorrow to prevent mass suicide this weekend. At least a few hundred points, probably four or five. Get ‘er up over eight.

See what I’m saying?

Drinks for my friends.

Cheney and Gonzales indicted by grand jury. Stevens loses in Alaska and Lieberman gets to carry on while we try to move on. Tres Grandes beg for big cash and I can’t believe Our Man is smiling. Sheezus.

I hate that Benedict Fliptop gets off easy. He sucks. If he doesn’t owe, there won’t be an ounce of flesh from anybody else. No truth, no consequences. Harry Reid says nolo contendere. It’s done. Pussies. Flopsweat cowboys in big stupid hats.

“(CNN) — A grand jury in south Texas indicted Vice President Dick Cheney and former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales on separate charges related to alleged prisoner abuse in federal detention centers, Willacy County District Attorney Juan Angel Guerra told CNN Tuesday”

I hear this guy’s a bit of a loose cannon, already voted out of office and described by an underling’s lawyer as a “one man circus.” Whatever. Godlovehim. He got a grand jury to indict Gonzales and the VP. Get his headstone ready and make sure this deed is etched upon it. Let’s start an aluminium can drive to pay for it. Ha! Give that man a can of warm beer and an American flag. Lifetime supply of Slim Jims and special packages from Frito Lay, Hostess and Kraft. Free cable. Nascar tickets.

What we have here is an American.

Meanwhile, having just been dropped by an air & sea rescue helicopter onto the deck of the USS Fuck Me Runnin’, Obama had this to say via ship radio, “Wow, this shit is fucking whack. Where’s the goddamn bridge? We need an assload of helicopters ’cause we aint staying here. Si se puede get us the fuck out of here.”

HillRod for Secretary of State by God!

This man is walking towards the four horses of the apocalypse. He has a water pistol. I trust. He’s as good or better swordsman than anyone else who had a shot. Handy with a sixgun. He’s about to be ambushed by the full weight of the world. A world, in as close to as bad a shape as anytime in written history.

He knows this.

And he’s smiling.

Hands folded in his lap.

Looked Steve Kroft in the eye Sunday night and had a lot to say. Just as cool as could be. A full hour on 60 Minutes. *President Cucumber. Awe inspiring composure. The most intelligent and well executed campaign I’ve ever seen. Best that anyone alive has ever seen. He suffered the slings and arrows and just kept coming.

He just kept coming. Extraordinary and we’re about to find out how.

Will Atlas shrug?

I say, he’s not too sexy for his shirt.

Walk right out into a brand new day.

Drinks for my friends.

*nickname alert

is some Joe Biden.

And I am not at all unhappy about it. This is a man who is sharp and brave, unafraid to say what he thinks. Unapologetically more than a loose lipped cashier. Tangle with this man at your peril. He doesn’t know about gloves.

I like that his fuse is as obvious as it is.

“This is bullshit. This is malarkey. This is outrageous. Outrageous for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country, sit in the Knesset … and make this kind of ridiculous statement,” Biden said angrily in a brief interview just off the Senate floor.” -Poitico, Ben Smith.

Symmetry. Fire and nuance. Grey hair and youth. Experience and fresh ideals. No ideology.

Two swinging dicks.

Chairman of the U.S. Senate Committee on Foreign Relations. Former chair and still member of the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary. Thirty six years in the Senate. This guy is good.

I can’t forget watching the C-Span footage of Biden gritting his teeth, looking like he was going to come over the table at Ashcroft during the very first Senate hearings on torture. It was brilliant. He was so disgusted with the United States Attorney General he had no hope to disguise it and he didn’t care.

Now I can’t help but salivate over the anticipation of Biden against either Romney or Lieberman or maybe Ridge in the debates. I can’t wait to see Benedict Fliptop or Guy Smiley with the magic underwear at the end of Biden’s whip. The Republicans don’t have shit. This just may be really good stuff.

Be afraid Republicans. Be very afraid. There’s a freight train of subtlety, intelligence and burning brimstone steaming right at you. She’s fully loaded, gathering steam and she’ll be racing at full speed by the time you meet her.

This is good stuff.

It is an informed and wise choice in light of the dramatic shift the office of the Vice Presidency has enjoyed under Richard Bruce Cheney. You can vomit a mouthfull about the evil bastard but we must own the paradigm shift he’s engineered in terms of the office he occupies.

Biden is a presence and Obama is no fool. He’s signed a powerful and willfull man as his partner. Hillary’s shadow was too long. All the others cast a shadow far too short. Biden’s is just right.

Here we go. Come the Fall, there will be blood.

This is gonna be good.

Drinks for my friends.

Doubtfire can’t seem to keep his withered manhood from beneath his corrective footwear. Just last week he called for the “exploitation” of America’s offshore and enviromentally sensitive areas for drilling. A top economic adviser to McCain, Phil Graham, said we were in a “mental recession” and a nation of “whiners”. Bootlicker continues to joke about bombing Iran.

He’s doing great. Let’s have a parade. They’re better be midgets and firetrucks.

Methinks his diaper hath sprung a leak.

An exemplary performance most likely the harbinger of an inevitable conclusion.

I’m inclined to believe it’s no longer premature to offer my ideal choices for Our Man’s cabinet.

The thing to remember is this. Our Man, upon winning the most important contest in the history of civilization, will also own, arguably, the worst position of any American President ever. He’s walking into a cave as dark as any in the history of this country.

His road will be of asinine yet lethal burlesque.

Secretary of State:
The apogee of any diplomatic career, my pick is Big Bad Bill. There simply is no man more gifted and revered on the world stage than William Jefferson Clinton. I don’t give a mad fuck about his stumbles on this most recent sojourn as his wife’s campaign surrogate. The prodigous talent this man is able to visit upon any scenario makes the former President an obvious choice as well as one to ignore at our peril in times as serious as these. Bill Clinton qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Jimmy Carter, Andy Griffith was always so reasonable and Joe Walsh would clown the world and play blistering solos.

Secretary of the Treasury:
Bill Gates. The world’s richest man understands money. He owns trends. He gets it. The Feds took over IndyMac the other day. FDIC payouts will be as much as $8 billion. There’s Fannie and Freddie crashing on the rocks. Those two go down and it won’t be too different than a small nuke in a major city.

Hang the rich.

Alternates include my friend Jim Labinski, Gene Hackman, Ben Vereen, Lorne Green and Jim Beam.

Attorney General:
Walk in the park. My mother pointed it out. Edwards. A lawyer who’s adept at kicking the shit out of some pretty big boys. Nice and liberal. Wads of charisma. He’s Bobby goddamn Kennedy. John Edwards qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Ironman, Judge Judy, people who collect beans and Negrodamus.

Secretary of Defense:
Wes Clark. Four stars, West Point valedictorian and Rhodes Scholar. I love the word secdef. He’s my pick for secdef. It’ll have to wait, I’ve got a meeting with the secdef. See what I’m saying?

Seems like a good guy. We liberals want our military leaders to smile a lot and have nice eyes. We also like it when they’re whip fucking smart and battle experienced with nearly spotless records. General Wesley Clark qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Runner up: Colin Powell. Yep, seriously. A good man and a smart one.

Alternates include Furnell Chapman, Ernest T. Bass, auntjudy.com and Bilbo Baggins.

Secretary of Energy:
Al Gore. Hey everybody! Let’s have an energy policy! Fuckin A! Seriously. Why are we fucking Iraq? Oil. Why are we fucking ourselves? Oil. Why are we fucked? Oil. Duh. I got one syllable for ya. Sun. Nevermind that it makes wind and everything else possible. See what I’m saying? Albert Gore qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Kurt Vonnegut, John Steinbeck, any civilian on COPS, Nikola Tesla and Barney Fife.

Secretary of Homeland Security:
What I’m looking for here is one of those three part names with the word VON in the middle. Wernher Von Braun, for example. We all know this position is a shallow history of dipshits. Joe Biden is an intelligent hothead. Wish I had better for him but he’s my choice. He’s smart and he loathes bullshit.

Alternates include Fred Flinstone for sheer mental prowess, Donna Summer for Disco Lemonade, Larry Flynt for a golden wheelchair and enormous genitals.

Secretary of the Interior:
Willie Nelson. He’ll legalize pot on all government lands and convert every forest service/state park vehicle to biodiesel. There would be a national hootenanny every summer solistice.

Alternates include Newman and Redford, Cheech & Chong, and the Smothers Brothers.

Secretary of Education:
My ultimate preference would have been George Carlin but he’s since taken the dirt nap. Posthumous. I guess I’ll go with Gore Vidal. He’s smart, crazy, gonna die soon and I like his priorities. Wait, Noam Chomsky!

Alternates include Al Bundy, Mr. Spock, Henry Rollins and Alex Trebek

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Dr. Sanja Gupta. Handsome, charismatic, smart and charming.

Alternates include Dr. Dean Edell and Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Director of the National Drug Control Policy:
Bill Maher. This one’s painfully obvious. Reverse this ridiculous obfuscation they choose to label policy. It’s unconscionable. America incarcerates more people per capita than any nation on earth and it’s because of hundreds of thousands of nonviolent drug offenders who aren’t criminals when they enter the prison system but sure as fuck are when they get out. An absurd and failed attempt at social engineering. It doesn’t work. It never had a chance.

Mankind has sought to self medicate since before it was even a possibility. It’s like shoving abstinence down the throats of American teenagers. No possibility for efficacy, no chance ever. It’s counterintuitive, misguided and in opposition to basic human instinct.

It’s a fundamental cudgel for oppression by our government and really fucking stupid.

Alternates include Snoop, Adam Corolla, Lee Van Cleef and Willie Nelson.

White House Chief of Staff:
Jon Stewart. Duh. He’d also be White House press secretary. I’d swoon at the podium in a non gay way. Mancrush. He’d tell us the truth and crack us up whenever his boss fucks up. He’d be allowed to bring his writers with him.

Alternates include Sean Penn, Cris Rock and Lewis Black. Lewis Black……….oooooooohh.

Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency:
Dennis Kucinich. When a Supreme Court vacancy occurs, he’s the man. He carries the Constitution on his person. Otherwise he’d run the shit out of the EPA. Smart, honest, principled. He’ll do the right thing. He’ll fuck shit up. Between his pasty white thighs dangle testes made of zirconia. Bitch. This would be good. Dennis qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Al Gore, John Mellencamp and Don Henley.

Secretary of Transportation:
Ed Begley Jr. Ed knows. Ed cares. Ed will tear shit up. This would be good. Ed qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Robbie Knievel, Dave Grohl and Scotty from Star Trek because he operates the transporter. Well, we’re both Scotsman.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:
Anthony Zinni. We need an intelligent hawk in this office. He’s accomplished. Degree in economics from Villanova. Tough. Four stars and tons of experience. Opposed to at least the prosecution of the war in Iraq. Got fired for it. I’m going out on a limb but I think he’s a man of logic and compassion. Anthony qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton, Maj. Gen. John Batiste, Brig. Gen. John Johns, Navy Vice Adm. David Richardson……….no shortage of good men to oversee the right thing.

Secretary of Agriculture:
What we need here is someone adamantly anti ethanol. Fuel from corn is just dumb. It’s a destructive crop. Bad for the soil. Tons of pesticides It’s only redeeming quality is that it tastes good and it can be made into whiskey. It’s like twice the resources/energy to produce as it ends up producing. There’s already chaos on the world food market as a result of incremental increases in it’s production. Why are we so goddamn stupid? We need an enforcer. A sonofabitch.

That sonafabitch is Chuck Norris. He is what we lack in government. He’s a goddamn Republican, but a grown man that is capable and willing to roundhouse kick other men in the head. Chuck Norris did not slide from a common vagina. He was borne of the ultimate mother. Mother Earth. He will fight for you harder than Larry H. Parker.

Alternates include Bruce Willis, Spiderman, spaghetti western banditos and Sgt. Joe Friday.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:
Dumbya. He needs to see what he has wrought at least five days a week. The damage he’s done to the average American family as well as the madness he’s unleashed on those families with soldiers in Iraq or dead or wounded from Iraq.

Brains scarred with or without a head wound.

Astounding, to behave as though you’ve done nothing but act in our best interest. I doubt a man as stupid even as you, could believe anything remotely resembling that sort of madness. It’s okay Georgie boy. you’ll be the titular head, a position so familiar, it’s all you know. Loser.

No worries, we’ll surround him with genuine talent to show him smart people who care against the worthless ones he hired. He’s a dog in a talent show. “Brownie” can be your office boy. Rove and Cheney will share shifts in the executive washroom.

Secretary of Commerce:
What’s needed here is a pro American worker, pro union. The outsourcing and weakening of American industrial capability must be administered to like the sucking chest wound that it’s become. Enough is enough. I’m looking for someone pretty adept with green industry.

An individual capable of overseeing an investment in our infrastructure that is far more enviromentally responsible than we’ve been so far. A man or woman capable of acting as a genuine secretary for the logistical nightmare of taking funds from the wrong things and directing them towards the right things. An intelligent hard ass.

Hills? She wouldn’t stoop for this turd. Arianna Huffington? Her grasp of the dynamic is unique and abundant with nuance. No way. Ted Nugent? Too stupid.

Any character from The West Wing.

This one has me stumped. Suggestions are welcome.

My point is, this cabinet position is ripe for empowerment. It could benefit immensly from the right candidate possessing the ability to wield influence and charisma to make the post and it’s authority pivotal.

See above for alternates.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:
Oprah, Seann Penn, Brad and Angelina. Together they’ve done far more for the dislocated in New Orleans than our own government. Make it a collective effort and they’ll appoint a staff of capables. If they start to get fucked on funds or legislation, who’s not gonna send a camera and a microphone?

United States Trade Representative:
Bill Richardson. He gets it. He’s smart, experienced and an adroit negotiator.

Alternates include Jack from Jack In The Box, Gandalf and most migrant workers.

Director of the Office of Management and Budget:
What we need here is an honest individual. Joe Biden would be good here too. Chuck Hagel? Yep. I want a thoroughly vetted individual, with integrity and a strong sense of personal accountability. I’m stumped on this one too.

Alternates include David Letterman, Bullwinkle and Bobby Brady.

I’m not prepared at this time to offer a choice for VP. Forgive me. Further study is needed. Trust that I’ll keep you posted.

Bitches.

Drinks for my friends.

It’s bad enough what they did.

Dick-in-Bush sneered at the Fourth Amendment and gleefully engaged in an end run around existing FISA laws to illegally wire tap and otherwise surveil American citizens. They didn’t tell anybody. They even attempted to strong arm a United States Attorney General while hospitalized in critical condition to sign off on their egregious trangressions.

They sent Gonzales and Andy Card.

Upon The Grey Lady exposing them in early 2005, they postured for all the world like they had done nothing wrong and in fact, had our best interests in their heart of hearts along with the telecom companies that were complicit.

If you bought that when it went down, I’d like your phone number and credit card info.

Dumbya then called for retroactive immunity for those companies because he understood very well that they had violated the law and the Constitution and were they ever held accountable, well then, he would be too.

So the sycophantic Republicans floated a bill to make everything milk and honey for the telecom giants and therefore Dick-in-Bush. I was proud of the Democrats when they stood on principle and said no fucking way.

Responding on January 28, our man Obama said:
“I strongly oppose retroactive immunity in the FISA bill.

Ever since 9/11, this Administration has put forward a false choice between the liberties we cherish and the security we demand.

The FISA court works. The separation of power works. We can trace, track down and take out terrorists while ensuring that our actions are subject to vigorous oversight, and do not undermine the very laws and freedom that we are fighting to defend.

No one should get a free pass to violate the basic civil liberties of the American people – not the President of the United States, and not the telecommunications companies that fell in line with his warrantless surveillance program. We have to make clear the lines that cannot be crossed.

That is why I am co-sponsoring Senator Dodd’s amendment to remove the immunity provision. Secrecy must not trump accountability. We must show our citizens – and set an example to the world – that laws cannot be ignored when it is inconvenient.” -firedoglake.com

For what it’s worth, The Little Paste Eater stood proud and quoted Ben Franklin to remind us that those who would sacrifice liberty for safety deserve neither.

What’s worse is what we did. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi along with a hundred and five Democrats, aided in passage of a bill that DOES provide immunity for the telecom arm of the plutocracy. Our own man Obama brought gravel chunks of salt to the laceration by declaring his support for the “compromise”

He said in a published statement:

“It does, however, grant retroactive immunity, and I will work in the Senate to remove this provision so that we can seek full accountability for past offenses.” -Salon.com

Let’s cut to the chase. He says this, knowing full well how unlikely such an effort is to enjoy the remotest chance of success. Even Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid acknowledged the dubiousness of such.

Fuck this shit. It’s a fool’s errand and Mr. Obama is no fool.

They all know it will pass the Senate as though lubricated with Crisco. So easily was it shat by the House after insertion of a suppository chock full of fear, terrorism and national security paranoia.

Mr. Obama, fuck this shit.

You are here, a man who will most likely be the next President of The United States of America, because we the people have put you here. We put you here, because we have been led to believe that this is precisely the brand of malfeasance you will fight against. You have ignited in us a hope, that this brand of fuckery will not be allowed, not tolerated, not even negotiated.

The law has been broken and you know it.

The idea that you would break our hearts this early, in context of a principle this vital, disturbs and gives me pause. Thus far, despite your imperfections, I’ve believed in you. In this instance however, I simply cannot abide. It makes me furious that otherwise my choice is an asshat like McCain.

Don’t do this to me. Don’t do it to us. When, inevitably, efforts to remove immunity from the bill fail, vote against it. Stand on principle, the rule of law and most important, why we have come to believe in you.

Tests for you so far have been Fisher Price, pale, in the face of this most important one so far. There is no room to move here. It is as black and white as a moral imperative can be.

Vote against it. I almost care less about the outcome than I do your vote.

What exactly are you so afraid of?

Hey Barry, this isn’t change we can believe in.

Drinks for my friends.

So yeah, Hillary takes a steamer on our man Obama’s forehead last night with the help and complicity of just about every toothless hillbilly in West Virginia. It was an ass whooping for sure, albeit by a demographic for whom the most common and prominent skill might just be the ability to play the banjo or make Ned Beatty squeal like a pig.

My point is this. West Virginians do not by any means, represent white America.

Despite all this, it’s too bad she’s unable to revel in the best bowel movement she’s had in months, even for a single twenty four hour news cycle.

Ya’ll know I likes me some John Edwards. I damn near did the potty dance when he arrived on a white horse in Michigian today to endorse our man Barack. In the words of that famous philosopher and arbiter of contemporary zeitgeist Bart Simpson, Ha Ha!

So much for testicular fortitude, huh Hills? As a male, I have a grasp on just how disastrously uh, moist, the concept of pissing in the wind could be. I can only imagine that for a woman, the potential for a soaking increases exponentially.

How long does she intend to flirt with such an obvious calamity?

I reclined sanguine in Yuma Arizona last night with my parents, we mused about the possibility of the Pantsuit as a running mate while sipping Turley zinfandel in a motorhome far nicer than my apartment. I took the opportunity to posit again that I thought that was precisely what she was up to and floated the idea of Edwards, despite his overt statements to the contrary.

That’s what they all say, I observed.

My mother is quick and sharp. She said he’d be a dream Attorney General. Damn she got me.

After the twin turbo charged disaster that was Gonzales and Ashcroft, and the current trainwreck of Michael Mukasey, who’s unable to wrap his brain around waterboarding, Edwards would be far more than a breath of pristine atmosphere. He’d be a sustained gust powerful enough to scour our constitution of all the shit the Republicans have spent the last seven years smearing on it.

A crusader against corporate influence as the Attorney General of The United States? Awesome.

Brilliant brinksmanship. Talk about a counterpunch.

In related news: Travis Childers visited a whooping in Missafuckingssippi while facing a full frontal assault from the evil blackhat Republicans wielding their most racist broadsword. He may be a bit of a nut but BOOYA MOTHERFUCKERS!

Drinks for my friends.

My first reaction, who cares?

He may be bright and driven, but I doubt many women see him as a looker. Muted nasal trumpet honk, jug ears and male pattern baldness.

He can afford to indulge himself. He’s smart enough to know that contemporary evidence points to just one time around. So be it.

He chooses the long way home. It looks like he sucked at it. When the feds know all about you and you’re a former AG, you might be stupid.

Then, there is his wife standing beside him today. That poor woman.

Then there is the hypocrisy.

He portrayed himself as a moral and ethical crusader. Mixing morals and ethics is a path for fools.

What the man has done to his wife and family is not our business. It is sad. There is betrayal here, but it is not our business. Leave it be. It is a tragedy that should remain private.

The early word is that this guy is done. Fair enough. For his hubris in throwing stones while residing in a glass house.

I hope you have enough sense to go away Mr. Spitzer. I hope you can pick up some pieces. I hope you don’t drag your wife on stage again. That was pathetic.

If there is any truth to what they say, and I believe there is because of your brief remarks today, don’t hesitate. Just do everyone a favor and walk.

Drinks for my friends.

So, the no confidence vote on Gonzales went down like
a flaming depleted uranium Zeppelin yesterday in the
Senate.

Big suprise.

Ooooh. The jackass party was able to achieve lockstep
for an action that was completely symbolic. Ahhhh!

Yet with barely a glance from the great unwashed, it’s
eggshell skull was dashed upon the rocks and sensitive
brains were washed away like scrambled embryos. Eggs, I mean.

Most who’s heads were opened in the fray were already inflicted with advanced scoliosis. A few lacked spines entirely but their floating visages were held aloft by the power of knowing that what they chose to do on this day didn’t matter a bit. After all, it was a foregone conclusion and no one was watching.

Paris was back in the pokey!

Their bravery and conviction would make my lips
quiver, if I had a fucking vagina!!

Do I care if Gonzales takes the dirt nap? I realize it doesn’t matter because they’ll just plug in another asshole. They’ll probably end up amputating one prong from whoever the poor bastard is because the neocons are a two prong receptacle. They lack a seperate ground. I digress.

Fuck yes I’d like to see that scheming, hopelessly corrupt, sociopathic, dickless excuse for wearing a suit, spiral into shame and oblivion. Maybe we can trump up some child molestation charges and send him to a state prison in Texas.

Really. Wow. Our legislative branch was not even
able to label the most overt stumblefuck of the
Dick-in-Bush administration a fucktard today. He counts as the most overt one because former superstars like Rumsfeld are gone.

What’s Rummy up to? Growing herbs in a window box and maybe a little model ship building?

“A waste of time”, the elephants of the GOP had to
say.

“Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell chided
Democrats for ‘spending our time on a meaningless
resolution about giving the president advice about who
the attorney general ought to be.’

-from Bloomberg.

It occurs to me that the legislative branch ought get
involved when the blind and ignorant or evil and all knowing executive branch dogmatically and stubbornly supports a complete loser.

I mean, according to his own testimony, Albert with a
0 (that’s a zero kids) can’t remember what his dick looks like. What he
likes in his coffee or if we’re all created equal.

See kids, here’s the deal. Gonzales is the bulkhead protecting Rove and Cheney on this issue. The same way Rumsfeld was on a completely different issue. The same way Libby was. The same way Peter Pace was. Or Powell, Ascroft, DeLay and Wolfowitz. Heard much from Condi lately? Bitch.

I typically write these rants once I’ve worked up a
head of steam, gotten my mad on, if you will. Tonight,
not so much. I’m not suprised and can barely manage
disappointed.

Let me take another run at this.

This guy is a global embarrassment. He’s a fucking
pawn. Everyone, and I mean every one, knows what this
sycophantic automaton is about. And it’s sick, that
this piece of shit gamepiece enjoys the blanket of
neoconservative warmth. That he who is supposed to
embody justice fights so obstinately against it. This
greasy prick showed up with with Andy Card at
Ashcroft’s bedside when he was fighting for his own
worthless life, to twist his arm into allowing our
Aronists Laureate to do whatever the fuck they wanted
to do to you and me.

He doesn’t recall any of it.

Before this bastard was the law of the land he was
chief waterboy at the pissing end of Dick-in-Bush. As
White House Counsel he wrote that which he is now in
charge of defending at the pleasure of Dumbya.

This is all disturbing and profoundly disgusting on a day when Paris Hilton commands more attention than any of what I’m
pontificating about. It makes me sure that at least
in some way, we deserve it.

We do actually. We’ve allowed a scenario where our
very own elected representatives are more beholdin’ to a single
party and its jingoistic disease of dogma than the constituents at who’s pleasure they’re supposed to serve. Pricks.

Just like our military, our congress, our executives, our values, our morals, our ethics, just like all of them, our judiciary and the office of Attorney General of the United States is rent asunder. Scorched, perhaps irreparably.

Bobby Kennedy held that office and it may have cost him his life.

If that wasn’t the beginning of the end I don’t know what was.

Everyone besides Dick-in-Bush understands that this
pooch is screwed. Gangraped, from hell to
breakfast. Nine ways to Sunday. It’s over. We broke
it. Possession is ours.

Our fault.

Drinks for my friends.

We now know that the Attorney General of the United States of America is a goddamn liar. Last week, James Comey detailed a mad dash he made to beat Gonzales and Andrew Card to one seriously ill John Ashcroft’s bedside to give him the heads up.

See, Comey was the acting AG at the time and he beat the Whitehouse Chief of Staff and the Whitehouse Counsel to the hospital. Ashcroft and Comey agreed that Dick-in-Bush were indeed breaking the law, they had been for two and a half years.

Then the Frothing Blackhats entered stage right. They commenced to vociferously and with elaborate indignity demand a reversal of the Judicial check to the Executive imbalance

Ashcroft and Comey were in agreement and they told the Blackhats to piss up a fucking rope.

Ha! Ashcroft, that crazy wierd little bastard has principles. Who knew?

Oh and, Comey had Robert Mueller with him. Mueller was the director of the FBI and he was a bit of a right wing jackass. He was there to insure that Comey not be removed. The Head Cheese of The Effa-Bee-Eye had sided with Ashcroft and Comey against the Whitehouse.

***********************************************************************

Ladies and Gentlemen:

There has been a slight emergency, a very minor constitutional crisis if you will. We just need to insure that there are no more hard right, rich neoconservatives left in the theater.

Ok, good. They’re all gone.

The lights stop flashing. The alarms go silent.

Enjoy the film.

The venue dims and we see Barbara Streisand working in an abortion clinic.

The theater fills with smoke and then flame. The liberals wail like children. Like little girls.

We now return you to our regularly…………..

************************************************************************

The date that law required the document to be endorsed passed. The Whitehouse informed the Department of Justice that it was going ahead with it’s now officially illegal domestic spying program.

See, the Blackhat Gang are headed up by Pa Cheney and Ma Rove and there’s not a mad fuck between them when it comes to what Americans need, what’s best for us or what our WILL is. They just don’t care.

What happened next was inspiringly crazy. With balls the size of casabas wrought from an alloy so pure as to allow each pair to clang in key, our heroes walked in stride and formed a chord.

Ashcroft, Mueller, Comey and various members of their respective staffs made it clear that they were willing to shoot it out with the Blackhat Gang. They did so by threatening to resign and therefore, talk about why they walked.

Are our cowboys heroes? Nope. They’d all been fitted for and owned at least one very Black hat. They were members of the Gang. What they did was turn ‘Yella’.

Should we be grateful?

You fuckin-A we should.

And that lying Prick Gonzales, said there was no internecine conflict or debate even, over an issue that is certainly among the most important in our history. He is dissonant. Tone deaf.

All of the Blackhats are deaf or damn near. That’s why they talk so loud.

Drinks for my friends.

Good-bye Joe, me gotta go, me oh my oh
Me gotta go pole the pirogue down the bayou
My Yvonne, the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file’ gumbo
‘Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Thibodeaux, Fontainenot, the place is buzzin’
Kinfolk come to see Yvonne by the dozen
Dress in style and go hog wild, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file’ gumbo
‘Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Settle down, far from town, get me a pirogue
And I’ll catch all the fish in the bayou
Swap my mon to buy Yvonne what she need-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file’ gumbo
‘Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Hank Williams Sr. “Jambalaya”

***********************************************************************

Sometimes, I just can’t countenance the randomness of
life.

I mean, why is the matter of Iraq even a debate?

What are we doing?

We have Darfur.

Before that, Rwanda.

Around the same time, Kosovo and Croatia.

There, we chose to intervene. Perhaps ten thousand
white people.

In Rwanda, close to a million.

Darfur, hundreds of thousands.

HERE’S THE DEAL.

We have as much control over the natural resources and
industry in those two African countries as we desire
at this point.

Our powers that be, the American crucible, decided
long ago that they cannot afford to have
another entire continent sucking at the tit of what
little milk mother earth has left.

So we ignore them. Take what we need, sprinkle
antibiotics on the corrupt governments so they can
sell them on the black market while we take more of what we
need.

We allow the Catholic church to forbid condoms, while
the people procreate and then die of sexually transmitted
disease.

Let’s be honest here; distribute condoms and tell
them how to use them if you want to at least begin
saving them.

But no. Our alleged morals prevent us from promoting
promiscuity.

What are we doing?

It’s fucking sick.

************************************************************************

We obsess over vacuous bimbos most likely blond. One
dead and the other imploding and unable to keep her
cooch away from a camera lense.

We simply, have no idea whatsoever.

As we live and contemplate our next purchase, there
are children that lack the strength to keep flies out
of their mouths. Worms emerge from their extremities
with excruciating pain . These people are sick and
death surrounds them. They suffer beyond our capacity
to imagine.

What are we doing?

And in our own country. We incarcerate more people
per capita than any nation on earth.

A storm, a massive storm, slammed our gulf region and
the damage and the people remain without solace. They
are forgotten in our own country.

Our veterans from a bullshit war, a war based on lies
that has done nothing more than make every aspect of
every angle look look foolish and greedy, our soldiers,
now languish in their own urine.

Dick-in Bush began their tenure as thespians on the world stage with Attorney General and freakshow John Ashcroft. Kept his penis in a Gerber babyfood jar on the nightstand and was genuinely offended by the naked breast of a one hundred year old statue. He walked.

Our aronists laureate replaced him with a good soldier. One wannabe member of the Fourth Reich named Alberto R. Gonzales.

And just today, we learn that Dick-in-Bush floated an idea that would have had U.S. Attorney General Gonzales fire all 93 U.S. attorneys and replace them with more like minded sycophantic cronies. Are you fucking serious?

Yes, I am.

The biggest thorn in the side of this administration thus far, and it ain’t saying much, has been an independent judiciary. Hardly independent after the highest court in the land handed the 2000 presidential election to a gibbon in a suit in a decision that was completely outside their jurisdiction. I mean, when it comes to procedural matters regarding voting, it’s clearly an issue of state’s rights. Why has no one else raised an objection based on this?

Seriously. I came up with that on my own. Never heard it anywhere else.

You all now owe me a can of beer. Cold.

As a result, eight were fired. Seven in the same day. For “poor performance”.

Today Alberto’s chief of staff, D. Kyle Sampson, walked away. Big suprise. He resigned because he is aware of just how far off the cliff the story is likely to go. Say…….plunging. I’m going with plunging.

Boys and girls, this is the judicial branch of our government we’re talking about here. The check to the balance. The deliberate erosion of such an institution will surely coincide with the atrophy of our republic. It is the last bulwark we have as a free people against
tyranny.

It’s sick.

What are we doing?

The ideas of truth and justice in this country have now become mere concepts. Both, archaic and obsolete.

************************************************************************

We have failed.

As a society.

As a country.

As a people.

We have failed.

This is really bad. We walk away. We play the lotto.
We watch reality TV. We suck.

Who’s paying attention? How often are we thinking
about this?

As I sit and type, our arsonists laureate plan the next conflagration. They replace the letter ‘Q’ with the letter ‘N’ and off we go.

What are we doing?

Thanks for indulging me……………..

Drinks for my friends.