Archive for the ‘Democrats’ Category

“Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side?
Baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby
Say baby

Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side?
Baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby
Say baby” -Primus

The day is upon us.

You woke this morning and by days end, the world will be different.

Regardless of the result, history will happen to us all.

I’m just trying to get some pot so I can watch the returns in SENSURROUND.

I can’t help it. I’m all aflutter. Veklempt even.

It goes without saying that if you don’t vote today, I’ll come down your chimney and stab you in the eye with a rusty fork.

If you’re a good Democrat, a responsible progressive or an honest liberal and you somehow manage to avoid the polls today, I will blind you with my fork and turn that fork on your car. Your rootbeer colored Ford. If I have time and enough mud, I’ll crap at your main entrance. I will leave a pile or nothing at all.

If you’re a dipshit conservative mindless Republican, I’ll be by tomorrow with muffins and juice. After all, that’s your day to vote because you’re so goddamn special and elite. Yes, just avoid November Four, the day my rent becomes delinquent. You’re a member of the ruling class. Who would deny someone of your stature a little next day action? No lines. No hassle.

Just sit this one out. Seriously. You’re not needed here. Not this time. We’re fine without you. You’re covered. No one will know. Don’t risk the hair on your knuckles.

My apologies. I had every intention to impart a sober and thoughtful message.

Finnegan begin again.

***CNN has just projected Barack Hussein Obama as the next President of The United States***

Salty water spills down my face and over my shit eating grin.

What we have here is a successful communication. The real deal. A man who’s intentions are good. Strong and confident. Steady. Calm. Intelligent. Resolute.

What we have here is a lanslide. A majority, an aggregate of Americans have spoken with a very clear voice. Resounding. Overwhelming. A mandate. We are saying we’ve had enough. Finally. En Masse. Finally.

I honestly don’t know what to say. Yep, the polls have been going our way, but it was such a long shot for so long. I’ve confessed before that I didn’t think he stood a snowball’s chance in a weapons foundry. Until this year, I had no reason to think I was wrong.

He just kept coming.

Then he impressed us. Over and over.

Instead of a mea culpa over Reverend Wright, we received a most sensitive and scholarly treatise ever afforded a national audience on the subject of race. Delivered by a man half black, in a way that compelled every thinking man to think.

It’s not that I didn’t like him. I just didn’t think he had a chance and I was overly protective of my political sensitivities. I can be fragile you know.

I was afraid America would come to covet a blowtorch after the seas we’ve been forced to sail. A firebrand blowhard capable of nothing but recklessness.

True to form, we flirted with disaster. A cranky old man on the verge of dementia and a woman so ill prepared as to force prominent stalwarts of her own party to flee braying nonsense with fear and confusion in their eyes.

Could the blackhats possibly have fucked this up any worse?

Nope.

It’s Comedy.

Comedy is not pretty.

Good comedy is always ugly. Always. Always funny as fuck though.

The eve of hope. Not merely hope, but anticipation. We now expect and have the right to anticipate change. A change in the way the world sees us. With luck, a change in the way we see ourselves. Not red or blue. Not clinging to one ideology while in disgust of another. A collective of independent Americans with a common concern for the welfare of us all.

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

Fucking A.

A triumph over racism, bigotry and ignorance. Arms wide open. Instead of a step, how about a running jump? Perhaps a little too awesome?

We need to make it an aspect of our culture that he who would harbor unfounded bias be ashamed and shunned. This, so the rest of us can get on with it.

America will never be one. Not one thing. Not one idea. Not one people.

Having said that, it’s not so exclusive for us to move in concert. Tonight is proof. There is a considerable chasm between nationalism and patriotism. We have moved together to refute the bullshit visited upon us for the last eight years. The American people are done with this shit. THIS SHIT. Is over.

The numbers are formididable. Decisive. Impressive.

It is time for patriotism. It is one thing to vote for the man. It’s entirely another to stand behind him. Time to get on your feet people. The worst is yet to come and resting on your knees won’t do.

There will be a Democratic House and a Democratic Senate. There will be a Democratic President. The window to turn things around opened today. It could close in a mere two years if we’re not careful. Understand, this victory only guarantees a seat at the table. We will be allowed to play. We will have some juice. That is all.

We must play well and with purpose. Change will commence once we’ve held our own for a few seasons.

I’m rambling. What I’m trying to tell you is that nothing ends today. Everything starts. Now is the best time to be not an individual, but an American. It begins today.

“Ill walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I dont want to be the bad guy

I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone” -Everclear

What has happened here is the best man won.
Yes, he’s black.
He didn’t win because he’s black.
He won despite being black.

He kept the color of his skin from being an isssue by making it about the content of his character.

Here’s the deal. He’s so fucking cool.

Drinks for my friends.

Here we are. Judgement day less than one hundred hours away.

Show me a vampire and I’ll show you a Republican. Such singleminded avarice does not exist in mere mortals. Show me a lockstep conservative and I’ll show you a nearly brain dead zombie. Such singleminded lust for flesh only exists in the undead.

John McCain is Frankenstein’s Monster. Far less than the sum of his parts and dangerously insane.

Show me an indefatigable, unflappable, charismatic black man and I’ll show you a liberal Democrat. There are no black vampires, except maybe Blackula. There’s very few black zombies. With zombies, you can tell by looking.

Happy Halloween.

By the way, Black Republicans must be as close to stupid as Gay Republicans.

Are you aware that almost a quarter of the good folks in Texas believe Our Man to be a Muslim? Like there’s anything more unsavory about that religion than the next. Fucking rednecks.

It’s embarrassing.

If you think Barack Obama is a Muslim, it’s because you’re looking for a reason to fear him. It is willfull ignorance and it’s among the ugliest of American proclivities. Guess what else it is? It’s straight up, no apologies, racist. Tragic and shameful.

What I’m trying to do here is make the point that, were it not for the color of his skin, Barack Obama would be escorting McCain to a toilet after an enema right about now and then tucking him in. Once the elder statesman begins to snore, Our Man would slip off to contemplate his cabinet. He’s that kind of guy and Doubtfire has consumed copious amounts of carcinogens on the trail. He’s glowing.

No worries, he’s not going to explode.

Actually, he’ll melt. There will be a godawfull smell. The stain will be solvent-proof. Greasy, like charred opossum.

A horrible mess, but it will manageable as long as we can get him outside before he starts to sizzle. Away from dense foliage and wooden structures. Get the hoses ready. Call 911. Wear a cup. Maybe a helmet and eye protection.

The actual location will need to be incinerated for public safety.

The other point I need to make is that there will indeed be a deadfall. A biohazard. The great unwashed will not go quietly. Many of them will not go at all. People have lifetimes, generations, invested in this pervasive, insidious belief system. They cling to the religious components of it as a way to legitimize and justify their bigotry and narrowmindedness.

It’s goddamn frustrating because they hide behind it and we athiests and agnostics can’t go there. They will label us Godless and no one one will hear us out.

Bastards.

Conservatives, neocons and religious zealots have no love for America. They don’t give a mad fuck. They love themselves and they count on being romanced by the more persuasive among them. Hook line and sinker, these fools wait for orders and start marching as soon as they receive the message.

They disdain thinking for themselves. They’ve come to depend on being told what to do. How to act. What to think.

What should be antithetical, has instead become gospel.

How do they do that? It’s not like they’re all under the same roof. It’s cult behavior on an impossibly massive scale.

One more season of this witch and we’re toast.

Happy Halloween.

Vote you fucks.

Pimp this blog. Spread it. Cut and paste it. Cop a link. Just get it out there. What song are you hoping to hear next Wednesday morning?

“Here we come, walkin’
Down the street.
We get the funniest looks from
Ev’ry one we meet.
Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees
And people say we monkey around.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.” -Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart

Drinks for my friends.

Tired of this shit.

Joe the fucking plumber.

That they foist such a clueless asshole on us thinking he will somehow convince the great unwashed, by virtue of being an ignorant member thereof, is maybe more of an insult to them and us than the selection of Moosewoman for VP.

Sheezus.

Joe The Plumber.

Seriously, in the past few days, this dipshit has hired a publicist, begun to negotiate both a book and a country record deal and announced he’s considering a run for Congress. That this man, who’s name is not Joe, no plans to buy a business he claims falsely is worth a quarter million annually and he’s not even a goddamn plumber, could somehow matter to the electorate disgusts me.

He’s an idiot. I would love to debate this guy.

My father would tell you this guy doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

The Republicans have a sweaty fist full of candy and that’s it.

Kids in a candy store without adult supervision.

Today, the would be Clown Princess, took a pathetic swing at Our Man with the revelation that Obama is allied with some guy named Rashid Khalidi.

Fuck off. They just don’t get this.

Khalidi said Wednesday, “I am not speaking to the media at this time, and certainly not until this idiot wind passes.” -CNN

Asked why the McCain campaign was bringing the matter up six months after the article appeared, an aide replied, “Because we are one week away from potentially electing Barack Obama.” -CNN

Such obfuscation is certainly not in the spirit of change.

“I don’t know what’s next. By the end of the week, he’ll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” Obama said. -CNN

It’s bullshit. I cover my eyes and hope to find the time and place for a nap. Or a bowl of pasta. Raisin Bran Total. Grits with lotsa butter and pepper.

This brings us to Our Man’s “infomercial”. Audacious? Maybe, maybe not. Let me just observe though, that it was golden. Not about him so much as the message was about us. For the umpteenth time I was reminded of the power and subtlety in this man’s possession . Adroit intelligence, a nimble mind and an obvious compassion that extends to all of us. Not just Americans. It was actually pretty cool.

McFuckstain shows up on Larry King still pissing and moaning about how much money Obama has, where he got it and that he wouldn’t participate in Doubtfire’s favored architecture of town hall meetings. Dude, he kicked your pasty ass is in fundraising. Get over it. See, the Republicans hate this because they’re more than used to being the party with overwhelming amounts of money. They haven’t lost the battle for filthy lucre in decades and that is the impetus for their pathetic.

Goddamn they’re sore losers.

You suck! Shut the fuck up!

It is the calmness, the composure and the confidence exuded by Our Man, his surrogates and even his wife that I find so impressive. This guy is smart and he knows it. He owns that he’s twice as smart as the opposition and he doesn’t gloat. He just keeps coming.

They lie, distort and twist. He smiles, tells the truth and takes another step forward. He doesn’t blink. He’s fearless. He knows exactly what he’s doing. They throw a bowl of spaghetti at the wall as an experiment to see what sticks. A small amount of noodles and sauce ends up on his suit. He brushes it off, wipes his hands with a napkin and keeps coming.

He casually sips lemonade from an icy glass, wipes his lips with the back of his hand and takes a seat behind the desk in an office called Oval.

Drinks for my friends.

So the market rebounded dramatically today.

Again, I’m no economist.

I am here to testify that common sense can and must be applied to every situation. So, at the risk of sounding pessimistic, I say so what?

Paul Krugman won the Nobel for economics today. He’s sure Dumbya is a retard.

Volatility IS the problem. Inconsistency IS the nemesis. Symptomatic of emotional instability on a foundation that is rotting. Eroding. Today we witnessed some euphoric sentimentalism. The economy is bipolar, perhaps even schizophrenic. At this point, it climbs hills only to tumble down the other side.

Common sense indicates to me that the market has yet to find bottom and the gains of today won’t mean dick within a month. Irrational exuberance. Denial ain’t just a river, it’s the season and the reason for the vulgarity of most things these days.

An economic clusterfuck years in the making is far from vulnerable to a single magic bullet no matter how pure the silver of the slug. Such precipitous decline cannot be undone or even mitigated by one day of activity on The Dow; hardly the Holy Grail of economic indicators.

Unemployment flirts with nine percent in places like Ohio. Auto stocks at a fifty year low. Record foreclosures and markets across the world reeling, careening. We keep talking about the cash we’re going to throw at the fan but we simply don’t have any and metric tons of shit have already hit that same fan. What little paper we can gather will probably just stick.

The hangover has just begun. America has regained a tenuous purchase on consciousness only to learn that even the hair on our head aches with vengeance and what may be the cause of our awakening is the oxygen from the respirator or the fact that our balls itch like mad.

I’m sorry to tell you that we’re still screwed nine ways to Sunday and from hell to breakfast. Drastic measures are no less vital than they were last week.

Sooner or later the fan will have to be cleaned.

By the way, why’s the NYSE open on Columbus Day? Even the banks were closed in recognition of the Grand Pooh Bah champion of revisionist history. Columbus Day is a mere symbol of American douchebaggery. By most accounts, Columbus tortured, raped and pillaged his new world. Amerigo Vespucci most likely discovered or at least recognized North America and guys like Leif Ericson were here a half a millenium before.

Let us not forget the rightful owners, the indigenous, the native Americans whom we would spend centuries slaughtering while cramming Christianity down upon. Today I drink to them.

Whatever.

I’m still excited about Our Man and he’s doing better everyday. Hope and Change. He offers nuanced and reasonably rich conversation on our economy. He is cool and consistent. Wisdom, restraint, discipline. By contrast, McCain is an ugly sightless carp half out of the pan and flopping while a blind eye burns. Talk of firing staff three weeks before the election.

Even I have to confess that despite the quality of Barack’s ideas, there seems to be little talk of how they will be funded. I don’t expect him too get too specific as he’s already talking over a lot of American heads, but I sure would feel better if he would just tell everybody our ass is broke and this is gonna suck for a month or so of your least favorite day of the week.

I would welcome that honesty from Doubtfire as well.

Sooner or later the fan will have to be cleaned.

Fuck me, everyone should be saying it. Do they think it’s a secret?

Drinks for my friends.

This is crazy. World markets are convulsing. Lose the image of a spasm. This is flopping on the floor foaming at the mouth crazy epileptic shit. Jam something in the maw to prevent tongue swallowing and pull the furniture away, it’s a grand mal baby.

Dumbya shows up on television like a deer in the headlights. This shit is way over his head.

In concert, banks of the world moved yesterday to simultaneously slash prime by half a percent. That’s five hundred basis points, as a neophyte banker I can tell you that’s a shitload of lucre. Money is traded on a hundredth of a percentile. This level of cooperation is not just huge, it’s completely without precedent.

Still hemorrhaging though. Bleeding badly. The Dow down a hundred eighty nine yesterday and over six hundred seventy points today.

The bottom is around eighty three hundred. Trust me. I have it on good authority. That’s a scary number. I know people who’ve lost everything already. They have no choice but to stay in.

This crisis will lay a finger on every single one of us. If it hasn’t already.

Truth is it has, and it’s not done.

American industry cannot lose forty percent of it’s value without far more than a ripple breaking across the country. It’s a tsunami that will wipe people out. I doubt America will end up a third world nation, but we’ll a see a huge increase in the homeless and poverty in general. Get ready for desperation and panic. Soup lines.

Lots more ugliness on the way.

I almost don’t care what you know. I know what I know. This prick Dumbya inherited a surplus and a balanced budget. We were fine, we were golden. Golden. The thing is, his eyes are way too close together. You can tell by looking at him that he’s stupid. Listen to him and it’s obvious he’s a dumbass.

The proof is in the now bloody pudding. It’s the biggest mess we’ve ever seen. At war in two countries for now at least, and an economy literally eroding by the day. By the day. The American domino keeps on giving as we see world markets slide with increasing velocity towards a pileup that portends to clog arteries major and minor. Asian markets are shitting pants as we speak.

If you voted for Bush, you’re an idiot bordering on asshole. If you intend to vote for McCain, you’re an ingnorant idiot, stupid asshole motherfucker. Despicable and dumb. Clueless and wortheless. The mouth breather at the pump unable to remember a zipcode. When I see you, I hope you haven’t procreated.

I don’t doubt you’re boring.

Certainly, this should command our attention by delivering a focus onto the crisis at hand in context of the Presidential race. McFuckstain and Moosewoman are suddenly delighted to exhume the corpse of a deceased and rotting nag for to flog in public. They do so with eyes bloodshot from venality and a frantic spraying of spittle.

Sheezus.

Ugly. Hard to watch. Dispiriting, demoralizing and ultimately detrimental.

They really should be ashamed, if for no other reason than their naked, vainglorious audacity.

Meanwhile, Our Man continues to exhort on the issues in general and and elucidate on the economy in particular. He remains above it. He attacks with vigor and his strikes are surgical, but always on issue, never personal. I am pleased and inspired. Obama consistently endeavors, despite every low blow, to remain on the high road. He is a class act.

Stewart has fucking Deniro on tonight. How cool is that?

Someone yells “kill him” at an event. McCain says nothing. He calls him “that one” in a nationally televised debate. Discourse off course. Reckless and irresponsible. Amateur hour at the feckless cafe. Farting in public. Blowing your nose over your date’s food. Shit running down your leg.

Fuck these guys. They act like they’re new.

Drinks for my friends.

First off, forgive the focus of late, but it really is the most important issue of the day. The next month, and barring the apocolypse, a few generations from now at least.

You know, the election.

I gotta get this first thing out because it’s like a turd in my mouth. Sarah Palin is out of her element. A moose in the headlights. She rocketed past unprepared. Stopped to flirt with ignorant. Now she plays house with “special”. Unfuckingbelievable.

Take a glance at her interviews with Katie Couric. Absurd. Score one for Couric and mainstream media. Nice job.

You’re in a fuel efficient car at night, that moose is in the road, She’s coming through the windshield and taking out all occupants. She’ll still fuck your SUV all the way up, kill you and your co-pilot. She’s stupid AND she’s big. You know, metaphorically.

I’m really starting to worry about the carnage this Moosewoman* may be able to visit on the world. Imagine the average joe in another country sitting there watching Palin’s words translated literally across the bottom of the screen. He’s eating some eggs or having a beer and thinks she must be among the best we have.

I see this scenario in my head rather vividly and I’m embarrassed. I understand What’s Her Name in her native tongue and I am in awe. In the context of politics, American history and world affairs, she thinks it’s all ball bearings these days. She’s retarded.

Sarah Palin gutted Joe Biden and wore him like a pantsuit -Colbert

Ha!

I can’t wait for tomorrow night. The newly constricted format might just work for Biden. Maybe that’s why they of the men only vagina cult (Democrats), accepted the terms. Biden is a blowhard and his instinct will be to slap the shit out of her. Metaphorically, of course.

I hate to do this but I’m on the pot, feeling the gin and otherwise bold of heart and purpose.

Not merely optimism, but theoretical plausibility.

Official Brainspank Prediction: An Obama knockout by midnight, PST November Fourth, the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Eight. If not an absolute cinch, a forecast by most news agencies, a done deal confirmed by the morning papers.

Too bad Carlin’s dead.

Drinks for my friends.

*new nickname alert

From last Friday evening until the day ballots are cast across this country on November four, people en masse have finally begun to search their hearts and their minds.

The Presidential campaign has commenced.

The majority of Americans who actually intend to vote have begun to wake up in the morning and think about it, have lunch and devote a few minutes of thought to it, or go home and discuss it with their significant other, as of Friday night.

They’ve also begun to consume mainstream media without discrimination and with more appetite than we’ve seen in a while. I’m alarmed by this but at least they’re curious.

The first debate. A Clash of Titans.

Campaign season officially and unoffiicially started September Twenty Six, the day of the first confrontation.

There was record viewership of the conventions, but it really begins with the first debate. I’ve been watching this thing and writing about it for two years. If you’re at all like me, you understand where I’m going with this. We are consistent in our responsibility to pay attention. We have tracked and monitored candidates from all parties and given no quarter to those who run off the rails.

Here comes the great unwashed.

I nailed The Pantsuit over and over with one of those guns that actually shoot nails. Very cool invention.

Optimistically and with unfounded enthusiasm I supported Kucinich. I knew he wouldn’t last but I wanted him to get as far as his little heart could. A bright and honest man. The Little Paste Eater. Then it was Edwards because of his sincere populist message. He championed the poor. Another good and bright man, this time with an assload of charisma. Oh well.

He turned out to be a dick, not for what he did, but for what he didn’t do. Honesty. He even lied to himself.

I’ve always liked Obama, but having been the poster child for unrealistic expectations in past elections, you can perhaps understand my reluctance. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama. Forgive me, but a name like that at a time like this?

I wrote with conviction a year and a half ago that this man although gifted, had not a hope in hell. That was my belief.

What happened next was extraordinary. It was an all star season at the DNC. He not only prevailed over a field of excellent candidates, he went toe to toe with the Clinton Juggernaut and handed them their ass on a bone china platter garnished with new potatos and parsley. Awesome. Don’t you dare question his balls.

Whipping the Clintons, when Hills would NOT let go, is a bigger feat for a Democrat, a more formidable task for an African American male Democrat, than for anyone of the Republican hopefuls. It bears pointing out that they were all losers. McCain did turn out to be the best they had. Sheezus.

If after the debate, you were disappointed by the lack of punches thrown, I understand. But you need to know that we have a man that is smarter than us again. Elitist. Bigots and racists say uppity. More intelligent. He’s roughly my age but he’s so much smarter. He knows what he’s doing.

He could be really good you know. The best choice you have ever been afforded unless you are old enough to have voted for JFK or RFK. If you voted for either of them, you’re probably with me here.

Time to pay attention. 9/11 happened on this watch. This economic venting of radiation and the subsequent meltdown, predicted and predictable. Happening on this watch. Same watch. These guys suck. They’re fucking clowns. This is blind, shithouse absurd.

I didn’t realize it but there’s a part two of Couric’s interview of Palin tomorrow night. Oh boy. It is sad indeed that in the same election a woman sought and almost secured her party’s nomination for President, another woman comes along as a running mate for the other party. Actually, there’s nothing unfortunate about that at all. What is damn near heart rending is that the former was an intelligent capable woman with experience and the latter can best be sketched with one word. Bimbo.

You know what? Republicans are idiots.

And here’s another big deal. The surface and the subterranean, the face and the bone and muscle beneath this electorate are far different than anything we have ever seen in a national election. How many turn out and who they are, is and will be a wildcard of historic proportion. The youth vote. The previously disenfranchised who are now pissed, the cell phone generation. The cultural groundswell. SNL has parodied, brutally, the McCain campaign in one way or anther for the last three weeks. See, no current model takes this data into account.

It’s a wild ass card and it could be huge.

I have a crack team of analysts on the case. We’ll get back to you on this.

Drinks for my friends

“George Bush fucked up so bad he made it hard for a white man to run for President” -Chris Rock

McCain’s tie sucked but his knot was way better than Our Man’s. Our Man’s tie was far superior. We now know he has a better informed sense of the sartorial.

At approximately forty minutes in, Our Man is cleaning geriatric clock. Doubtfire lands a few haymakers but this thing is pivoting on body shots.

Not a bad game. Good fight. Sugar Ray Leonard vs. Roberto Duran circa 1980 in New Orleans. Doubtfire stops short of “No Mas”. Our Man is a boxer, an athletic technician. Stiff jabs and quick blows to the torso. The pasty little bastard is nothing if not a brawler. Smart to box this first round, as silly as it sounds, Obama realizes he’s still introducing himself this night to a shitload of white people.

I bet he punches a little harder come round two. I read somewhere today that boxing terminology is the accepted brand for political commentary. So be it.

In business, in life, in friendship, the most important question is what have you done for me lately (?). Doubtfire dwells in the past. He ducks, bobs and weaves with enough skill to avoid looking like an advanced alzheimers victim. Too much of it was not inspired or even novel. Instead it was boiler plate, stump speech bullshit. There was the “Miss Congeniality” thing for example. Evidence of an inability to think on his feet. Sad.

To his credit, he swung what he had. Hard.

So he can dance. With the exception of a few flurries and some jabs that looked good but didn’t sting, McCain performed like a man with old lungs, old legs and an aged intellect.

Our Man floats above the discourse. He dips down by necessity, and as he does so, he’s elegant, eloquent and Presidential. His cool charisma is in in stark contrast and a welcome respite from Doubtfire’s snide, and patronizing vitriol. There’s not much worse than a man attempting to engage in patronage when he has no reason or right to even try.

There are moments where I honestly anticipated his nearly translucent head exploding off his body in violent lift off like a Saturn Five rocket coming off the pad.

Here’s what’s interesting. I endeavor to abstain from bias or ideology. Simultaneously, I understand I can’t hope to honestly embrace the idea entirely. I do my best. Despite my efforts, McCain looked a fool to me. He was empty, clumsy and consistently off point. I was a little embarrassed for him.

I could plow the field for issues, dig up the substance, but if you’re a regular reader, you already know where I stand and who I agree with. Suffice it to say, Our Man was specific and clear and I agreed with most of it.

What will they say about this debate? I’m sure it will be crap. Irresponsible, despite low expectations for McCain. They will render it stupider than it was because of their own inherent chasm of misunderstanding. An inability to recognize or even look for the right things.

Somebody help with the idea that contests so important don’t have to end up as a carnival competition. This is serious business. The wrong guy could doom humans as a species. I guess people don’t understand that. If McCain is elected, there’s a far better than fifty percent chance that Sarah Palin will end up as President.

There’s a one hundred percent chance the world will be right about just how stupid we are.

Given her recent performances, limited though they be, this simply cannot come to pass. Think about it. Hard. See what I’m saying?

Let me be clear here. I want you all to understand exactly what I mean. No innuendo. No metaphor.

It’s unlikely either candidate changed any already decided minds in this venue, but McCain was obvious as the man he is. Rigid, ill-tempered, the polar opposite of affable and perpetually on the verge of a tantrum. He was unable to even look at Obama. Our Man was in complete control. Restrained even. Presidential. I was proud.

Jim Lehrer from PBS, did a bang up job, even exhorting the two to look at each other and answer. Doubtfire never did and Obama did effortlessly.

I was sad and disgusted to see Doubtfire close with the P.O.W. shuffle. Pathetic.

You see he hired his nurse to be his Vice President too -Chris Rock

Round one, Obama.

Drinks for my friends.

Today I enjoyed the sparkling splendor of two milestones while I sailed past them grinning and drooling like an idiot on some wonderful new euphoria inducing cocktail of pills and liquor.

Thanks to you, dear readers, I’ve passed fifty thousand reads here at brainspank. A number that is roughly equal to the town I grew up in.

An average of well over a hundred new readers every day, and between five hundred and a thousand of you are returning to read my musings at some point every twenty four hours. I’m impressed. Thank you very, very much.

The second achievement is one that pleases me almost as much; as we speak, I’ve had over twelve hundred and fifty readers in a single day. Today. Forgive my hubris, but that rocks. Again, with all sincerity, thank you.

Forgive me while I imagine applause.

I also anticipate with confidence, passing ten thousand readers in one month for the very first time. The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

More applause.

You people humble me, you are the lipstick on my pig.

I do my level best to inform and entertain you. I endeavor to bring you facts as well as humor. Often I research my subject for days before offering you my opinion and perspective. I strive to to bring both to you with as much honesty as I possibly can. I take responsibility for everything I write, and I take it very seriously. I can only hope it’s why you keep coming back.

Excelsior.

Always wanted for a reason to say that in a blog.

In the interest of symmetry, I need to make two points. First: You all should talk to me more. Comment. Let me know you’re out there. You’re free to ask questions. You got a topic burning a hole in your pocket? Persuade me to address it. You got a problem with what I’m saying? Talk to me. This concludes point number one.

Point number two is this: Talk ABOUT me. Pimp me. If what I do entertains you, tell your friends. I’d be beyond gratified to get paid for this. It’s a goal. A respectable one because I’m good at it. I’ll never charge you the reader, but I wouldn’t mind attracting advertisers. Wouldn’t it be something if I could devote my full attention to this? Post my banner and/or tell someone.

With your help, someday I’ll have crap you can actually buy. T-shirts, mugs, fridge magnets.

I’m not concerned at all about the the direction of anyone’s political wind. Be they vehemently opposed, they are welcome. More than welcome to engage me. I’m no lockstep Democrat or liberal but I don’t mind being called either. Except the lockstep part. Man up bitches. I would warn you that I’m a neocon’s worst nightmare. I’m an intelligent liberal.

In the meantime I’ll tell you this. The polls are shifting. The shift, not the gap mind you, but the shift, as much as ten points as of today. In favor of Our Man, of course. I predicted it as did many of you.

She is empty and so is he.

Work with me.

Drinks for my friends.

Bitches.

Still in the full body condom, America’s moose gutting mom avoids engaging the media like the kid in the Casper costume glimpsing the gang of Metallica wannabes drinking beer and leaning against a Camaro after midnight on all hallows eve. Nose running. With a fuckin pillow case full of The Kind.

She’s afraid and so is the campaign. The polite term is neophyte. The accurate term is wolf slaughtering doe in the headlights.

I hear the next official media exposure will be a gritty, no holes barred interview with Sean Hannity. What we have here is the body condom, a net, some matresses and a fucktard. Sheezus. If Americans are actually this dumb, how does bread end up on the shelves? Produce?

“The fundamentals of the American economy are sound”, now watch while I coin this phrase.

The Malfeasance of Idiocrasy.

That’s really the salient argument here. The catastrophe that keeps giving. We’ve gotta half a billion dollar a day war addiction and the banks are dropping like flies. Big ones. The biggest ones. People are dying.

The Malfeasance of Idiocrasy.

I heard tonight the housing debacle will begin to heal early next year. Bullshit. America has a chronic and potentially lethal fiscal disease. Picture liver and kidney failure.

There is a cure. Might be too late though.

The housing conflagration was merely the first obvious symptom. Pretty nasty boils, but a symptom nonetheless. Not unlike those carbuncles from my last blog. These knuckes of flesh will still be festering and oozing after first thaw.

The disease is another matter. I’m here to talk about the part of the disease that is pure, blind hubris. It’s name is Sarah Palin and she doesn’t know shit. That is exactly why she thinks she can do this, because she doesn’t know shit. She has no fucking idea where she may be allowed to walk.

You’ve got be fucking kidding me.

She’s under investigation, she’s ducking subpeonas. Half the women in her state loathe her. This is ridiculous. The top of their ticket is seasoned, albeit bitterly, and the bottom is a blowhard. She shouts less than nothing. She lies. Bridge To Nowhere anyone? ANYONE? Earmarks, Bueller, Bueller? The plane, the plane? Tattoo?

It’s a goddamn joke half of us are too stupid to get.

Americans are astonishigly stupid.

Know what really chaps my ass? The drooling, sewage vomiting, talking head Republicans. They just make shit up. I’m constantly asking myself how they can sit through makeup etc. and appear on camera fully prepared to utter the words that manifest into sentences and then paragraphs of such transparent, wholesale, sociopathic lies.

Yes, I understand we do it too. It bothers me. I offer this caveat: my side is rarely, if ever as audacious and never as vicious as the Republicans. Have you seen them go after each other? For what it’s worth, my side is not exclusively Democratic, they are always independent thinkers.

Republicans routinely push the envelope of decency and consistently push past the bounds of common sense. Always beyond reprehensible. No ethical imperative. No moral compass.

The Malfeasance of Idiocrasy.

Drinks for my friends.

I say without equivocation, certainly without apology, Bill Maher rocks. His show, the format, the concept and the man. New Rules is consistently brilliant. No exception tonight. And it’s entertaining. Wow.

I understand he’s an arrogant bastard. Oh well.

How much my perception and enthusiasm have to do with the fact there was only one douchebag on the panel and he was an authentic douchebag? I just can’t say.

Toss him some government cheese for pointing out how absurd it was for Tenet to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Snatch it from him for neglecting to mention Franks and Bremer.

The graph and measure of my fanhood for Janeane Garofalo is far from pretty, but she was on like a pyrex bong. Smarter and more aggressive than the aforementioned douchebag, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal named John Fund. No shit, that’s his name. Get it?

She described Republicans, using the example of the RNC, as unrestrained id that throws red meat out for the dopes. That’s hot. She also shouted, “that’s such unbelievable bullshit”. It matters not at all what she was talking about. She bared teeth and drew her sword.

This guy Fund smiled an idiot smile, obfuscated and attempted to patronize and condescend until the bell. He came off, despite his best efforts, precisely like a douchebag.

Bill brought in Roseanne at the end. She was shrill, opinionated, sarcastic. aggressive and completely on the money. Absolutely right.

The show opened with Paul Begala explaining to us that what Axlerod and Our Man have been doing is similiar to that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson is telling his men to hold. Hold. Hold……..and then he lowers his sword. The Scots commence to open a giant keg of whoop ass on the English. These are my people you know. My ancestors.

I hope so.

This race will be far more entertaining, maybe even more aesthetically rich and dense like cheescake, satisfying like sushi and beer, if Begala is right. I hope so, because it’s also absolutely necessary. I’m over being the pussy party. Outsmart them and hand them their asses too.

Tired, tired, tired of this shit.

Salman Rushdie bats a good clean up and Maher fields the ball whenever Fund gets his bat on it. A couple times, Maher fired it back hard from the infield and hit the smug prick in the mouth. He kept his composure, still it was gorgeous.

Roseanne walked on at the end to throw nothing but beanballs. She only shut up for Bill and spent the rest of her time throwing hard at the douchebag’s head. This too, was gorgeous.

After this week’s media, I welcome the actual pummeling of any mealy mouthed conservative with a cartoon fucking grin. Every successful Republican has one of those unrealistically false grins. Imagine Romney or the rictus on Guilliani. Like they’re drawn on. Like a cartoon. Except Cheney. He hasn’t actually smiled since his late twenties, when he learned to masturbate. Prick.

All four heart attacks, he was found with pants around ankles, both hands on his johnson. Darth’s pet name for his trouser twninkie is Lyndon Baines. I made this last part up.

Maher’s point about cynicism being when you say shit, despite knowing better than the dumb people, you still say it because the dumb people will buy it and they can get you elected, made me somewhat tumid. I couldn’t agree more. Tumescence.

What’s happening here is a collision between the smart and the stupid. A clash brought on by the profound differences in our candidates. Both ideologically, and how they are perceived as people. How people identify with them. The bright and the dim.

Methinks it’s a jacked up set of circumstances.

How much does that suck? The good fight is for the hearts and minds of the willfully ingnorant and the garden variety dipshits. Shameful, and not only because it’s never been won solely with truth and honesty. Yet it hasn’t. Ever. There’s just too goddamn many of them. The ignorant, the willfully ignorant and the masses unclean. They don’t read and they pay only passing respect to awareness.

The righteous rarely prevail in contemporary American politics because of the naivete of adhering to and believing in, justice, honor and integrity.

As I write this, the evil bastards are competing and maybe winning by ignoring the issues save to lie about them. I’ve seen this my entire adult life. I read conservative blogs, watch Hannity and listen to Limbaugh. I know precisely how they do it. If I’m not able see a few moves ahead, I know where to look. I seek the words of the intellectually irresponsible.

Why can’t the good fight do this? Why won’t they? Doubtfire is as dirty as a pig and Palin is the lipstick. Our Man pointed it out on Letterman.

I think what’s been missing here is a willingness to throw hands. Kerry sucked and Gore wasn’t much better. They both rolled around till the Republicans found the wet spot. Either one of the Clintons will kick an ass if given the chance and that’s why they have been so successful. They will light you up just to remind you. When a Republican begins to spit they know to make a fist. Far from perfect these two, but there are lessons to be learned under even the smallest of stones.

Billary are still the biggest boulders in the Democratic party.

Put them out front as shock troops if they agree. They will. Our Man and his people need to take notes. I’d hate to see the most important election in the history of this country decided by the party most willing to punch balls. Yet it’s at least a requisite factor in any modern campaign strategy. Be ready and willing to swing straight for the sack.

I’m not seeing enough of this from my side. I smell vagina. I smell kittens, tofu and arugula, sauvignon blanc and a mild gorgonzola. Our stereotype sucks. Rednecks are known for a willingness to throw down. A liberal would then get a restraining order and sue the redneck. I know, I’m a liberal.

We need to start swinging, because this shit is fucked up and idiots aren’t bad people, they’re just idiots.

Back burner defense, get offensive. Get in faces. Palin and McCain are plenty vulnerable and they clearly don’t know shit about defending themselves. They are wide fucking open. Ducks in repose.

Don’t be afraid to punch the mouthy hick in the balls. You can’t change his mind so attempt to disable him.

I imagine Doubtfire has a handle on this kinda fuckery after 2000. I think he was most seduced by the concept of ‘attack with fuses burning’. Preemptive without regret. The Bush Doctrine. He’s not so stupid as to not understand the size and fierceness of such sociopathic apparatus the evil empire has at it’s disposal.

You know, he’s hired every one of them that visited it upon him back then.

He knows the machine. It ate him. Crapped him out. Now he’s it’s bitch all over again. Unfuckingbelievable.

Tell me you can’t see it.

With Palin, the seduction of McCain is complete. It is done. He has compromised the last of his values. He’s no longer worth a goddamn nickel.

Can’t you tell?

The good news is, both of these flowing like menstrual carbuncles are spectacularly vulnerable from the rear. Doubtfire has been penetrated before but it’s been eight years and they work for him now.

Time for fists. Vulnerable from the rear.

Drinks for my friends.

Make that naive.

This race for President is what they call a statistical dead heat. Scary. My mind tells me this is to be expected. Most of the electorate are just beginning to pay attention. This scares me too.

They have almost completely assimilated Our Man’s message of “Change”, even after they made fun of it. It’s not a wafer thin slice of deli meat, not even an RCH short, of equal parts creepy and awesome. So depressingly illuminating. Proof that it doesn’t take much too fool some of the people all of the time. Proof that there’s an assload of them.

Same thing they did with patriotism.

I’m having a lazy day so expect nothing above the level of ad hominem, grandiloquent, fucking pomposity.

I gotta tell ya, this shit is ridiculous. Sarah Palin has not strayed from the script by so much as a misplaced pause. They were going to let her play with others on her own starting tommorrow but they understand two things. Not only is she way too short on experience and knowledge of any kind, but there’s enough stupid people in America lusting to hear the same goddamn thing she says every night, word for retarded word, over and over while they languish in their adult diapers.

Bonus, they hang around for Doubtfire.

I’m not here to pretend I’m confused or shocked. I’m thoroughly cognizant of how many mouth breathing, God fearing, dogmatically handicapped there are among us. It feels like the majority.

I’m not here to abandon hope. I’m still convinced our ticket will prevail. It has to. I’m not kidding when I say the future of the human species depends upon it.

Somehow, I retain optimism.

Here’s the deal. Just because they’re stupid doesn’t mean they can’t be manipulated by the forces of good. Proof they are infinitely malleable is the Darkside’s easy exploitation of millions by fear alone. Nothing says they won’t respond to logic and compassion.

It could happen. Regardless of whether it’s possible, it must come to pass. It must be.

What I’m trying to say here at the risk of sounding way too rah rah, is that it’s time for every single one of us to do something. Donate, volunteer, talk to your friends, intimidate your neighbors, staple bumper stickers to the heads of the great unwashed. Have parties. Get hookers and strippers to get other hookers and strippers involved. Recruit. Convince and pummel if necessary. Don’t be afraid to throw hands if they get snide on ya. If they’re like that, it’s a lost cause.

Try to hum the Star Spangled Banner to yourself and be sure to show good posture in administration of your duties as a member of the brighter side of things. Be positive and cheerful. Smile. Show them you care.

We always make the mistake of focusing on the fact that there’s so many idiots out there. Nevermind that it’s sad but true. Understand that if they are engaged in a way that smells good to them, they’ll respond with enthusiasm. Barbecues work and so does booze.

Don’t forget less than savory women and cocaine.

The challenge you face is not winning over the mentally disadvantaged, that which you face is about you and your willingness to see this bud of hope flower. To hold it in your hands as it blooms, feeling it’s soft petals strain against your palms and fingers.

That’s what you can expect if you believe.

I am here tonight to implore you elite and sophisticated pricks to take arms. Coddle, cuddle, convince, cajole, coerce, cudgel and calumniate. Do your best and then your worst. Let them know you’re not here to fuck around. Take charge and blame everyone else if necessary.

GO FORTH

Drinks for my friends.

It is wholly appropriate for the velocity of the RNC to be so compromised by a hurricane falling to land on the Gulf Coast almost three years to the day after a hurricane named Katrina did the same. The response, to that storm, which Republicans fucked up so badly, it’s become a stain on the party and an avatar of of their compassionless failure and clueless ineptitude.

They didn’t even know how bad they’d screwed it up until it was almost over. By then, they didn’t care.

“The Republicans can’t seem to get a break when it comes to August and when it comes to the weather,” Karl Rove, -TPM

How convenient it morphed into a reason for preventing Dumbya and Darth from bearing witness; pariahs both in their own party. A little gift from Mother Nature to the Republicans. They clearly weren’t looking forward to that kind of steerage. Nevermind the cartage.

Laura Bush gets up and kicks it off by touting the unfunded mandate we know as “No Child Left Behind”. She says that apparently some fifty million people now live in freedom in Iraq and Afghanistan. Sheezus. First huge lie.

Still, I kinda like her. She has an absent minded dignity that’s a little infectious.

I only say that because somewhere, I have sympathy for her.

Next, we get Dumbya on the satellite. More POW bullshit. Standard bogus boiler plate lies. Empty words from an empty suit. Requisite references to 911. Yawn. I’m reminded for the millionth time that his eyes are too close together.

Thankfully, both speeches are brief.

Lotsa empty seats.

Well then, it’s the obligatory tribute to Reagan. A man who became the catalyst for the devastation of America’s middle class. A man who brought Russia to her knees by outspending them at the expense of America’s workers and the enrichment of the military industrial complex and therefore, the wealthiest among us. Trickle down economics my ass.

Reagan sucked. Why do Republicans insist on being so gay for him?

Fred Thompson’s speech blows. Sarah Palin. What a joke. He tells us the choice for her as VP has panicked the Democrats. Good luck with that. It does crack us up. What a tool. He touts her ability to “field dress a moose”. Do I need to highlight the obtuseness of that? I hope not.

We hear more about Doubtfire’s time in Vietnam. I respect his service and his sacrifice, but that’s where it ends with me. I’m impressed. But that’s it. He gives credit to Republicans for balancing the budget and rebuilding the military. Good luck with that too. He’s lying. The second huge lie. I think that was a guy named William Jefferson C.

John McCain will not feel the need to apologize for America. Arrogance. Then, what has become beyond trite and cliche, the tax scare and abortion. Republicans are still that stupid. Fred Thompson is that stupid.

What’s up with all the empty seats?

All the crowd can manage to chant is USA. They can’t seem to wrap a rythm around two syllables or four.

I guess Benedict Fliptop (Lieberman) is up next. Oh boy. I really hate this guy.

He goes to the economy and terrorism right away. He takes a swing at unity. The camera pans to Gingrich a handful of times. Curious. The camera finds a Black guy standing and clapping. Bonus.

Colbert would demand an Asian.

Lieberman tells us he’s a Democrat. Bullshit, He’s an Independent. Democrats abandonded him because he’s an idiot. Whatever. His speech is completely empty. No substance. I see a Democrats for McCain sign but ‘Democrats’ is spelled wrong. Take what you will from that.

I must tell you that although I’m an aspiring pacifist, I fantasize about punching Benedict Fliptop in the mouth. Hard. A haymaker. What a douchebag. The only reason he’s there is because he wants war to continue, he wants it to grow. All I see is a man who cares far more about Israel than he does America. I loathe him.

They have nothing. The Repubilcans have shown up to a firefight with those cool Star Trek toy guns that shot little plastic discs. Remember those? If not, please substitute squirt guns in your mind’s eye.

What we have here, is a failure to communicate.

There’s some post convention interviews on the floor as I leave CNN’s coverage. A group of delegates from Texas all dressed in matching outfits. They say they are proud of Dumbya for what he’s done for pro life issues and faith based institutions. They say it was painful to applaud to applaud Bill Clinton.

Forgive me here, but you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. All that goes on in the world every goddamn day and that’s the top of their goddamn list?

By the way, Campbell Brown rocks. She pissed on Tucker Bounds’ lunch. She did it with restraint and discretion and still cleaned his clock because he was woefully unprepared. I guess it cost Larry King a McCain interview tomorrow night. What a pussy is Doubtfire.

The demonstrations and the arrests continue to gain mass and attention. This may end up being half the story.

Drinks for my friends.

We would do well to understand that the entire world wants Our Man to be President.

It behooves us to understand why. Why they will breathe a sigh of relief once Barack Obama is elected is something we should be keenly aware of. We need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that the interest of the world in our political process is a bad thing.

Why would we think that anyway?

The rest of earth’s people are watching, more than ever before and that’s a very good thing. A very important thing.

See America, this election is far larger than us. The planet is holding it’s breath.

So am I.

Understand that these traditional divisions by which we so willingly seperate ourselves no longer matter. Red or blue, conservative vs. liberal, are concepts that have become obsolete. Barack Obama is an American. He is a citizen of the world. Just like you. Just like me.

This is what the global community hopes we will arrive at. The rest of the world has long since held the competition between our conflicting ideologies to be silly. What wiser Americans hope can be put behind us, is what Our Man said “enough” to tonight.

He had plenty else to say but that’s a chunk of what I got.

Forgive me for being not so concerned about specific positions and pontification on policy when it comes to a campaign speech. He acquitted rather aggressively in that regard and I liked it. In Doubtfire’s face. Right in his pasty sour little face.

Those things however, are better suited to the personal task of actually READING what the candidates have to say on specifics. The onus is still on the individual to do a little homework. Sorry kids, required reading is of both candidates. Think of it as your civic duty; because it is.

Sometimes, someone comes along. That someone ends up being exactly what we need. JFK, MLK and yes LBJ. It happens because of the need instead of the someone. A result of the circumstance as opposed to the man. That’s what Our Man wants us to comprehend. It is a concept that we must go beyond understanding. We need to own it.

He’s trying to tell us it’s not him, it’s us.

What he asks of us is not just to elect him. What he asks is that upon getting that done, we join him in making things right. He is challenging us to help, while he leads. To stand against a military industrial complex that holds an entire planet in it’s grip. To speak truth to power and wield common sense for the common good against plutocracy, theocracy and ideology.

He’s imploring us to pay attention and to participate.

There are two parts to his message. Elect him as a leader and then follow him.

And, maybe get on with the most important task of saving us all.

Boys and girls, better times are ahead if we will only stop being afraid and take matters into our own hands. Stop allowing a media run amok to dictate what you think. Start paying attention and begin to make up your own minds.

“And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.”

“It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.”

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

That’s poetry.

Absolutely had to go there.

Drinks for my friends.

As far as I’m concerned, the Clintons have done their job. Passionate, sincere speeches full to bursting with conviction and enthusiasm. The matriarch and the patriarch of the Democratic party have gracefully bequeathed the Democratic flame.

Well done Bill. Well done Hillary. Very well done.

I mean at the very least, we know Bill to be an expert liar, but I bought his message tonight. Call me crazy.

I must tell you, my optimism is renewed.

“Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.” -Fleetwood Mac

Amen.

Be afraid you willfully ignorant Republicans. Be scared shitless.

I’m an American. I love my country and what it has stood for. It is time for us to stand for those things again. I say fuck you John McCain. In light of the policies you endorse and the ideals you embrace, I’m more than willing to question your patriotism. I’m here to question your judgement. I’m here to seriously question your sanity.

I’m not as anxious to cut you the slack everyone else seems so willing to afford you. I think you’re wrong, anachronistic, obsolete and absurd. I think you suck and you’re bad for America and the world.

I gotta tell ya, this convention is good stuff. The Democratic party has been gathering steam for years and they are about to explode all over America. No worries, it’ll be like a warm spring rain. Not sticky at all.

The Republicans have nothing but ad hominem rhetoric, fear and divisiveness. They sure as hell have nothing on the issues. They have rent the American ethic asunder, without apology, without remorse. They have no business attempting to cast aspersions on those of us who dare to think outside of their stupid, pitifully small box. How dare they question us after how badly they have screwed it all up in so short a time.

Ever notice how their eyes are way too close together? And they squint when they think hard.

As my old producing partner Al used to say, there’s a fine line between clever and stupid.

Then there’s Joe.

There is perhaps no better person in the U.S. Senate than Joe Biden. Know how I know? After thirty six years in the United States Senate, he’s it’s poorest member. On paper, he’s not worth shit. He’s in debt. My kinda guy.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the perfect ticket. A man of hope and optimism and the intelligence to see it through and a man with the experience and the goddamn down in the dirt kick your ass toughness to get shit done.

My man Biden parked it tonight. It was not one inch short of gorgeous. Biden is the shit. Powerful, pissed and righteous.

Republicans may as well sit this one out. Why show up if you’re just gonna get your ass handed to you? Why behave in public if you’re living on a playground? Stay home. Have a few beers and don’t worry. You only stand to benefit here, even though you may not deserve it.

What we have here, is a successful communication. Yes we do.

Doubtfire will go down in flames because he has it coming. He deserves it.

And really, this is far larger than either he or his faithful, or party-line Republicans have the capacity to grasp. It’s weird that it’s beyond them, but it is.

Drinks for my friends.

Much respect as I remain entertained by the Rajun Cajun, but he needs to take his whiskey home.

“You haven’t heard about Iraq or John McCain or George W. Bush — I haven’t heard any of this. We are a country that is in a borderline recession, we are an 80 percent wrong-track country. Health care, energy — I haven’t heard anything about gas prices,” Carville also says. “Maybe we are going to look better Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But right now, we’re playing hide the message.” -James Carville CNN.com

See, Jimmy, you’re right.

But see Jimmy, there’s another agenda as well. Dare I sound like an overly sensitive nancy boy when I point this out, but we’re going for a little unity here too.

See Jimmy, that’s on the agenda because you Clinton people have just refused to be remembered as dignified. Your class and generosity is suspect. Y’all continue to pick and whine. We no longer want to listen to your shit. We’d like to move on. We’d still like you to come with us, but it’s time to go.

See Jimmy, there’s a significant number of you who say at least, that they’ll be voting for McCain because Hillary didn’t get was owed to her and Bill. What was owed to her and Bill.

Jimmy, this is a problem and these people are idiots.

See what I’m saying Jimmy?

You musta missed Michelle Obama’s speech. My cable is out but my mother called to tell me how wonderful it was.

I watched it in pieces on the internet. I imagine you pontificated before that so I’m giving you a partial pass.

I actually teared up a little. These two people are special. They reach out and touch with astounding grace and sincerity. Her speech tonight was beyond compelling.

She was.

An elegant and passionate orator, an honest and humble communicator, a profound force of humility and honesty. Beautiful and intelligent and courageous.

She was.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was moved.

She is.

Resplendent.

Jimmy, my advice to you is to shut up, jump on the back and let your feet dangle over the edge while you watch the road pass backwards between them.

Drinks for my friends.

is some Joe Biden.

And I am not at all unhappy about it. This is a man who is sharp and brave, unafraid to say what he thinks. Unapologetically more than a loose lipped cashier. Tangle with this man at your peril. He doesn’t know about gloves.

I like that his fuse is as obvious as it is.

“This is bullshit. This is malarkey. This is outrageous. Outrageous for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country, sit in the Knesset … and make this kind of ridiculous statement,” Biden said angrily in a brief interview just off the Senate floor.” -Poitico, Ben Smith.

Symmetry. Fire and nuance. Grey hair and youth. Experience and fresh ideals. No ideology.

Two swinging dicks.

Chairman of the U.S. Senate Committee on Foreign Relations. Former chair and still member of the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary. Thirty six years in the Senate. This guy is good.

I can’t forget watching the C-Span footage of Biden gritting his teeth, looking like he was going to come over the table at Ashcroft during the very first Senate hearings on torture. It was brilliant. He was so disgusted with the United States Attorney General he had no hope to disguise it and he didn’t care.

Now I can’t help but salivate over the anticipation of Biden against either Romney or Lieberman or maybe Ridge in the debates. I can’t wait to see Benedict Fliptop or Guy Smiley with the magic underwear at the end of Biden’s whip. The Republicans don’t have shit. This just may be really good stuff.

Be afraid Republicans. Be very afraid. There’s a freight train of subtlety, intelligence and burning brimstone steaming right at you. She’s fully loaded, gathering steam and she’ll be racing at full speed by the time you meet her.

This is good stuff.

It is an informed and wise choice in light of the dramatic shift the office of the Vice Presidency has enjoyed under Richard Bruce Cheney. You can vomit a mouthfull about the evil bastard but we must own the paradigm shift he’s engineered in terms of the office he occupies.

Biden is a presence and Obama is no fool. He’s signed a powerful and willfull man as his partner. Hillary’s shadow was too long. All the others cast a shadow far too short. Biden’s is just right.

Here we go. Come the Fall, there will be blood.

This is gonna be good.

Drinks for my friends.

It goes without saying, as an enthusiastic supporter of John Edwards, as someone who believes in him and his message, I am profoundly disappointed with the news today. I feel for his wife, his family and his miserable self.

I will always insist, regardless of an individual’s political affiliation, or anything else really, that private life should remain private. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a public figure or not. Absent crimes with victims, it’s simply not our business.

I’m disgusted by the sensationalism and exploitation that has no doubt just begun to gather volume and velocity.

The train has left the station.

I refuse to judge any married man or woman who would stray. It’s not my place and I’m confident it’s not yours.

Nonetheless, reality is unrelenting, so my anger and disdain are acute and I’m plenty pissed off. As David Gergen so adroitly pointed out on CNN, he knew exactly what he was doing as he sought the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. Were he to have prevailed in that contest, we’d be witnessing the comprehensive implosion of Democratic hopes for the White House as well as a severely deleterious shitstorm for the party.

Irresponsible, wreckless and reeking of hubris.

An incredibly dumb move.

I do believe his intentions to help Joe Six Pack and the less fortunate, were and are sincere, but I’m furious over such selfish and stupid judgement.

It’s almost certain that his political aspirations have come to an abrupt end. I believe it is the least he deserves. He was clearly willing to jeopardize the entire future of America in her most dire of times and that really, really sucks. Therefore, so does he.

Did he endorse and probably encourage torture? Did he send thousands of Americans and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis to their deaths for a lie? Did he flout our Constitution? Did he deliberately break the backs of our middle class by further enriching the already filthy rich?

The answer is no.

He ran a spotless campaign.

Would he have made a good President?

My opinion is absolutely yes.

It is abundantly clear however, that he doesn’t deserve to be the leader of the free world any more than George W. Bush ever has.

That is a fact that saddens me more than you know.

Fuck me, this sucks. It’s gonna leave a mark. It’s gonna leave a stain.

Drinks for my friends.

Read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/protecting-mccains-ignora_b_117565.html

Then clue me in as to how to post a goddamn link. Yes, LO I know you did but I lost it.

Doubtfire can’t seem to keep his withered manhood from beneath his corrective footwear. Just last week he called for the “exploitation” of America’s offshore and enviromentally sensitive areas for drilling. A top economic adviser to McCain, Phil Graham, said we were in a “mental recession” and a nation of “whiners”. Bootlicker continues to joke about bombing Iran.

He’s doing great. Let’s have a parade. They’re better be midgets and firetrucks.

Methinks his diaper hath sprung a leak.

An exemplary performance most likely the harbinger of an inevitable conclusion.

I’m inclined to believe it’s no longer premature to offer my ideal choices for Our Man’s cabinet.

The thing to remember is this. Our Man, upon winning the most important contest in the history of civilization, will also own, arguably, the worst position of any American President ever. He’s walking into a cave as dark as any in the history of this country.

His road will be of asinine yet lethal burlesque.

Secretary of State:
The apogee of any diplomatic career, my pick is Big Bad Bill. There simply is no man more gifted and revered on the world stage than William Jefferson Clinton. I don’t give a mad fuck about his stumbles on this most recent sojourn as his wife’s campaign surrogate. The prodigous talent this man is able to visit upon any scenario makes the former President an obvious choice as well as one to ignore at our peril in times as serious as these. Bill Clinton qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Jimmy Carter, Andy Griffith was always so reasonable and Joe Walsh would clown the world and play blistering solos.

Secretary of the Treasury:
Bill Gates. The world’s richest man understands money. He owns trends. He gets it. The Feds took over IndyMac the other day. FDIC payouts will be as much as $8 billion. There’s Fannie and Freddie crashing on the rocks. Those two go down and it won’t be too different than a small nuke in a major city.

Hang the rich.

Alternates include my friend Jim Labinski, Gene Hackman, Ben Vereen, Lorne Green and Jim Beam.

Attorney General:
Walk in the park. My mother pointed it out. Edwards. A lawyer who’s adept at kicking the shit out of some pretty big boys. Nice and liberal. Wads of charisma. He’s Bobby goddamn Kennedy. John Edwards qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Ironman, Judge Judy, people who collect beans and Negrodamus.

Secretary of Defense:
Wes Clark. Four stars, West Point valedictorian and Rhodes Scholar. I love the word secdef. He’s my pick for secdef. It’ll have to wait, I’ve got a meeting with the secdef. See what I’m saying?

Seems like a good guy. We liberals want our military leaders to smile a lot and have nice eyes. We also like it when they’re whip fucking smart and battle experienced with nearly spotless records. General Wesley Clark qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Runner up: Colin Powell. Yep, seriously. A good man and a smart one.

Alternates include Furnell Chapman, Ernest T. Bass, auntjudy.com and Bilbo Baggins.

Secretary of Energy:
Al Gore. Hey everybody! Let’s have an energy policy! Fuckin A! Seriously. Why are we fucking Iraq? Oil. Why are we fucking ourselves? Oil. Why are we fucked? Oil. Duh. I got one syllable for ya. Sun. Nevermind that it makes wind and everything else possible. See what I’m saying? Albert Gore qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Kurt Vonnegut, John Steinbeck, any civilian on COPS, Nikola Tesla and Barney Fife.

Secretary of Homeland Security:
What I’m looking for here is one of those three part names with the word VON in the middle. Wernher Von Braun, for example. We all know this position is a shallow history of dipshits. Joe Biden is an intelligent hothead. Wish I had better for him but he’s my choice. He’s smart and he loathes bullshit.

Alternates include Fred Flinstone for sheer mental prowess, Donna Summer for Disco Lemonade, Larry Flynt for a golden wheelchair and enormous genitals.

Secretary of the Interior:
Willie Nelson. He’ll legalize pot on all government lands and convert every forest service/state park vehicle to biodiesel. There would be a national hootenanny every summer solistice.

Alternates include Newman and Redford, Cheech & Chong, and the Smothers Brothers.

Secretary of Education:
My ultimate preference would have been George Carlin but he’s since taken the dirt nap. Posthumous. I guess I’ll go with Gore Vidal. He’s smart, crazy, gonna die soon and I like his priorities. Wait, Noam Chomsky!

Alternates include Al Bundy, Mr. Spock, Henry Rollins and Alex Trebek

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Dr. Sanja Gupta. Handsome, charismatic, smart and charming.

Alternates include Dr. Dean Edell and Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Director of the National Drug Control Policy:
Bill Maher. This one’s painfully obvious. Reverse this ridiculous obfuscation they choose to label policy. It’s unconscionable. America incarcerates more people per capita than any nation on earth and it’s because of hundreds of thousands of nonviolent drug offenders who aren’t criminals when they enter the prison system but sure as fuck are when they get out. An absurd and failed attempt at social engineering. It doesn’t work. It never had a chance.

Mankind has sought to self medicate since before it was even a possibility. It’s like shoving abstinence down the throats of American teenagers. No possibility for efficacy, no chance ever. It’s counterintuitive, misguided and in opposition to basic human instinct.

It’s a fundamental cudgel for oppression by our government and really fucking stupid.

Alternates include Snoop, Adam Corolla, Lee Van Cleef and Willie Nelson.

White House Chief of Staff:
Jon Stewart. Duh. He’d also be White House press secretary. I’d swoon at the podium in a non gay way. Mancrush. He’d tell us the truth and crack us up whenever his boss fucks up. He’d be allowed to bring his writers with him.

Alternates include Sean Penn, Cris Rock and Lewis Black. Lewis Black……….oooooooohh.

Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency:
Dennis Kucinich. When a Supreme Court vacancy occurs, he’s the man. He carries the Constitution on his person. Otherwise he’d run the shit out of the EPA. Smart, honest, principled. He’ll do the right thing. He’ll fuck shit up. Between his pasty white thighs dangle testes made of zirconia. Bitch. This would be good. Dennis qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Al Gore, John Mellencamp and Don Henley.

Secretary of Transportation:
Ed Begley Jr. Ed knows. Ed cares. Ed will tear shit up. This would be good. Ed qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Robbie Knievel, Dave Grohl and Scotty from Star Trek because he operates the transporter. Well, we’re both Scotsman.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:
Anthony Zinni. We need an intelligent hawk in this office. He’s accomplished. Degree in economics from Villanova. Tough. Four stars and tons of experience. Opposed to at least the prosecution of the war in Iraq. Got fired for it. I’m going out on a limb but I think he’s a man of logic and compassion. Anthony qualifies as an official brainspank endorsement. Further, this appointment will incur the good favor of we here at brainspank.

Alternates include Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton, Maj. Gen. John Batiste, Brig. Gen. John Johns, Navy Vice Adm. David Richardson……….no shortage of good men to oversee the right thing.

Secretary of Agriculture:
What we need here is someone adamantly anti ethanol. Fuel from corn is just dumb. It’s a destructive crop. Bad for the soil. Tons of pesticides It’s only redeeming quality is that it tastes good and it can be made into whiskey. It’s like twice the resources/energy to produce as it ends up producing. There’s already chaos on the world food market as a result of incremental increases in it’s production. Why are we so goddamn stupid? We need an enforcer. A sonofabitch.

That sonafabitch is Chuck Norris. He is what we lack in government. He’s a goddamn Republican, but a grown man that is capable and willing to roundhouse kick other men in the head. Chuck Norris did not slide from a common vagina. He was borne of the ultimate mother. Mother Earth. He will fight for you harder than Larry H. Parker.

Alternates include Bruce Willis, Spiderman, spaghetti western banditos and Sgt. Joe Friday.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:
Dumbya. He needs to see what he has wrought at least five days a week. The damage he’s done to the average American family as well as the madness he’s unleashed on those families with soldiers in Iraq or dead or wounded from Iraq.

Brains scarred with or without a head wound.

Astounding, to behave as though you’ve done nothing but act in our best interest. I doubt a man as stupid even as you, could believe anything remotely resembling that sort of madness. It’s okay Georgie boy. you’ll be the titular head, a position so familiar, it’s all you know. Loser.

No worries, we’ll surround him with genuine talent to show him smart people who care against the worthless ones he hired. He’s a dog in a talent show. “Brownie” can be your office boy. Rove and Cheney will share shifts in the executive washroom.

Secretary of Commerce:
What’s needed here is a pro American worker, pro union. The outsourcing and weakening of American industrial capability must be administered to like the sucking chest wound that it’s become. Enough is enough. I’m looking for someone pretty adept with green industry.

An individual capable of overseeing an investment in our infrastructure that is far more enviromentally responsible than we’ve been so far. A man or woman capable of acting as a genuine secretary for the logistical nightmare of taking funds from the wrong things and directing them towards the right things. An intelligent hard ass.

Hills? She wouldn’t stoop for this turd. Arianna Huffington? Her grasp of the dynamic is unique and abundant with nuance. No way. Ted Nugent? Too stupid.

Any character from The West Wing.

This one has me stumped. Suggestions are welcome.

My point is, this cabinet position is ripe for empowerment. It could benefit immensly from the right candidate possessing the ability to wield influence and charisma to make the post and it’s authority pivotal.

See above for alternates.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:
Oprah, Seann Penn, Brad and Angelina. Together they’ve done far more for the dislocated in New Orleans than our own government. Make it a collective effort and they’ll appoint a staff of capables. If they start to get fucked on funds or legislation, who’s not gonna send a camera and a microphone?

United States Trade Representative:
Bill Richardson. He gets it. He’s smart, experienced and an adroit negotiator.

Alternates include Jack from Jack In The Box, Gandalf and most migrant workers.

Director of the Office of Management and Budget:
What we need here is an honest individual. Joe Biden would be good here too. Chuck Hagel? Yep. I want a thoroughly vetted individual, with integrity and a strong sense of personal accountability. I’m stumped on this one too.

Alternates include David Letterman, Bullwinkle and Bobby Brady.

I’m not prepared at this time to offer a choice for VP. Forgive me. Further study is needed. Trust that I’ll keep you posted.

Bitches.

Drinks for my friends.

There is a kind of brutal asymmetry about the death of Jesse Helms today, the same day that both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson shucked their coils mortal in 1826. The birth of our once great country. A campaign season with the first ever African American leading in polls for President.

Happy Fourth of July.

Likely the best thing to be said of him, he had the courage of his convictions. He was consistent. Still, I wouldn’t cross a country road to piss on his grave. Mr. Helms was an evil bigot.

He opposed Martin Luther King Day in 1983.

“Helms once deeply offended a black colleague, Democratic Senator Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois, by singing part of “Dixie” on a Capitol elevator.

Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into Mosely-Braun in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, “Watch me make her cry. I’m going to make her cry. I’m going to sing ‘Dixie’ until she cries.” He then proceeded to sing the song about “the good life” during slavery to Mosely-Braun (Gannett News Service, 1993-09-02; Time, 1993-08-16″

“White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.” -From a campaign ad Helms was involved in creating.

Another ad featured photographs Helms doctored to illustrate the allegation that Graham’s wife had danced with a black man. (FAIR 2001-09-01, The News and Observer 2001-08-26)

A former Democrat, Helms straddled the Republican expoitation of racial division in the south to fuel his own success.

He consistently opposed gay rights. Although he did once describe the genitalia of Strom Thurmond as “gorgeous” and a “splenderous tract of man flesh”. This, despite the fact that Thurman’s unit had seen battle in an African American vagina.

He was instrumental in the ascendency of Ronald Reagan and therefore a major player in the birth of contemporary conservatism. Neoconservatism. The beginning of what may be the demise of our republic.

Jesse Helms was an asshole, I regret that I have but one toast to hoist in celebration of his dirt nap.

Drinks for my friends.

This my territory, so I’ve posted my response first. The blog I’m responding too appears at the bottom:

I am saddened that such a clearly intelligent man has succumbed to fear and propaganda.

You say:
“I am tired of liberals who see only negativity in America; racism in her people, class warfare in her society, and flaws in her character.”

Do you imagine these things don’t exist? They do. For many, they are a part of everyday existence. A fact of life. You’re a white Christian Republican male, you will have to look outside yourself to see these phenomena. Burst your bubble my friend. It takes some courage but we can never come together unless you’re willing to see the world objectively. You’ll need to remove yourself from the equation to accomplish this.

We liberals are way ahead of you in that regard.

You say:
“I am deeply troubled by the Democratic Party which nominated John Kerry, whose qualifications revolved around labeling the honorable men and women who fought in the Vietnam War (58,000 of whom gave their lives in that action) as murderers, rapists and war criminals.”

Do you posit these things never occured? They did. He wasn’t labeling all of them, he was pointing it out. Many “incidents” are documented. They were horrifying. America fucked up. It’s embarrassing that you are only able to define Kerry in those terms. Is that really all you allowed yourself to see?

You imply we liberals are godless and lazy, unwilling to work and hate America. You are not only guilty of generalizing and stereotyping, but of drinking the neoconservative Kool-Aid.

I have worked hard my whole life. Had my own business at thirteen. Managed a restaurant at seventeen and was a recording engineer/producer by age twenty eight. Triple platinum by thirty one. Now finishing my first novel. And I don’t believe in your God.

Thank you for a genuine example of ingorance, bias and baseless piety.

Forgive me. Believe it or not, it doesn’t serve me to attack you as an individual. I’m actually fairly certain you are a good and decent man. It’s the ideology you so enthusiastically embrace and foment that I strive to to tear apart. It is false and wrong and the catalyst for evil on a level we have never seen in this country.

You say:
“I still pray that God will open the eyes of those ill-informed members of our society who, either through ignorance or deliberate malice, repeatedly attack and belittle those of us who believe in self-empowerment for all. I am grateful to have lived in a nation that gave me the freedom of self-determination and the right to benefit from my own personal achievements.

News Flash. I believe sincerely in self empowerment for all and I’m grateful to live in a country that has provided me with the freedom to pursue self determination and feel fortunate to have benifitted from personal achievment. I just don’t buy into your God.

Please wake up and look around.

**************************************************************************************************

His blog in it’s entirety:

Ask most any member of the main stream media elite, and a growing number of high school and college students, along with their teachers and professors, “What is a Republican?” and the response will likely include words such as, “greedy, self-centered, motivated only by money, unconcerned for the environment, the poor, and everyone they exploit.”

I am none of those things; I am simply a man who is proud of his country, and it’s hard-won heritage of liberty and justice for all. My own father fought two world wars to preserve freedom, and died at an early age as a result.

So, what is a Republican? I can only speak for myself.

I went to work at age 12, joined the Navy at 17, and went to war at 18. I started my own business at age 25 and worked 70, 80 and sometimes 100 hours a week for years, risking everything I had – including my health – to secure a better future for myself and my family. My own blood, sweat and tears made it possible for me to provide a secure living, not only for my family and myself, but also for literally hundreds of employees through the years, who in turn were able to buy their own homes, raise their own families, and give back to their communities and their country.

I am a Christian who loves God and his church, and who was taught to respect all religions whose teachings are based in love, peace and charity. I believe that God blessed this country because of the principles upon which it was founded. If you doubt God’s blessings still happen in today’s world, you need only look into the face of one who has received them.

I am a father who believes in the sanctity of marriage and the preservation of the family. I believe in the sanctity of life and am repulsed by the political left who pander for votes at the expense of the unborn. I am disgusted with the courts who rightly call the murder of a pregnant woman a double homicide, and then declare that the murder of an unborn baby is a constitutionally protected “woman’s right to choose.”

I am proud that our President expresses a belief in God; proud to have voted for a President who understands – politically incorrect tho’ it may be – that there is evil in this world. For the sake of all people everywhere, that evil must be confronted, and it must be defeated. I take comfort in the knowledge that our President refuses to allow decisions concerning the security of this nation to be governed by the political whims of foreign governments.

I understand that the terrorist attacks that murdered thousands of my fellow Americans can happen again. That’s why I sincerely believe America needs, now more than ever, a President who sees with a clear and focused vision and who speaks with a voice that – when heard by friend or foe – is understood, respected and believed.

I am eternally grateful to Ronald Reagan for speaking out against Communism and for having the courage of his convictions in leading the fight to defeat it; and to George W. Bush, who – in spite of the constant, vicious, personal and political attacks both he and his family have been forced to endure – has demonstrated uncommon vision, courage, conviction and leadership in America’s war against Islamic Global Jihad.

I am tired of liberals who see only negativity in America; racism in her people, class warfare in her society, and flaws in her character. I am also fed up with politicians who, when held up to public scrutiny, divert attention from their own personal, political and legislative failures by accusing their opponents of “mudslinging” and using negative attack ads.

I am deeply troubled by the Democratic Party which nominated John Kerry, whose qualifications revolved around labeling the honorable men and women who fought in the Vietnam War (58,000 of whom gave their lives in that action) as murderers, rapists and war criminals. That same Democratic Party has now embraced Barack Obama, another Harvard liberal elitist whose only claim to fame is that he was a Communist organizer and a member of a black separatist church for twenty years.

I still pray that God will open the eyes of those ill-informed members of our society who, either through ignorance or deliberate malice, repeatedly attack and belittle those of us who believe in self-empowerment for all. I am grateful to have lived in a nation that gave me the freedom of self-determination and the right to benefit from my own personal achievements.

I am blessed to be an American, and proud to be a Republican.

It’s bad enough what they did.

Dick-in-Bush sneered at the Fourth Amendment and gleefully engaged in an end run around existing FISA laws to illegally wire tap and otherwise surveil American citizens. They didn’t tell anybody. They even attempted to strong arm a United States Attorney General while hospitalized in critical condition to sign off on their egregious trangressions.

They sent Gonzales and Andy Card.

Upon The Grey Lady exposing them in early 2005, they postured for all the world like they had done nothing wrong and in fact, had our best interests in their heart of hearts along with the telecom companies that were complicit.

If you bought that when it went down, I’d like your phone number and credit card info.

Dumbya then called for retroactive immunity for those companies because he understood very well that they had violated the law and the Constitution and were they ever held accountable, well then, he would be too.

So the sycophantic Republicans floated a bill to make everything milk and honey for the telecom giants and therefore Dick-in-Bush. I was proud of the Democrats when they stood on principle and said no fucking way.

Responding on January 28, our man Obama said:
“I strongly oppose retroactive immunity in the FISA bill.

Ever since 9/11, this Administration has put forward a false choice between the liberties we cherish and the security we demand.

The FISA court works. The separation of power works. We can trace, track down and take out terrorists while ensuring that our actions are subject to vigorous oversight, and do not undermine the very laws and freedom that we are fighting to defend.

No one should get a free pass to violate the basic civil liberties of the American people – not the President of the United States, and not the telecommunications companies that fell in line with his warrantless surveillance program. We have to make clear the lines that cannot be crossed.

That is why I am co-sponsoring Senator Dodd’s amendment to remove the immunity provision. Secrecy must not trump accountability. We must show our citizens – and set an example to the world – that laws cannot be ignored when it is inconvenient.” -firedoglake.com

For what it’s worth, The Little Paste Eater stood proud and quoted Ben Franklin to remind us that those who would sacrifice liberty for safety deserve neither.

What’s worse is what we did. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi along with a hundred and five Democrats, aided in passage of a bill that DOES provide immunity for the telecom arm of the plutocracy. Our own man Obama brought gravel chunks of salt to the laceration by declaring his support for the “compromise”

He said in a published statement:

“It does, however, grant retroactive immunity, and I will work in the Senate to remove this provision so that we can seek full accountability for past offenses.” -Salon.com

Let’s cut to the chase. He says this, knowing full well how unlikely such an effort is to enjoy the remotest chance of success. Even Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid acknowledged the dubiousness of such.

Fuck this shit. It’s a fool’s errand and Mr. Obama is no fool.

They all know it will pass the Senate as though lubricated with Crisco. So easily was it shat by the House after insertion of a suppository chock full of fear, terrorism and national security paranoia.

Mr. Obama, fuck this shit.

You are here, a man who will most likely be the next President of The United States of America, because we the people have put you here. We put you here, because we have been led to believe that this is precisely the brand of malfeasance you will fight against. You have ignited in us a hope, that this brand of fuckery will not be allowed, not tolerated, not even negotiated.

The law has been broken and you know it.

The idea that you would break our hearts this early, in context of a principle this vital, disturbs and gives me pause. Thus far, despite your imperfections, I’ve believed in you. In this instance however, I simply cannot abide. It makes me furious that otherwise my choice is an asshat like McCain.

Don’t do this to me. Don’t do it to us. When, inevitably, efforts to remove immunity from the bill fail, vote against it. Stand on principle, the rule of law and most important, why we have come to believe in you.

Tests for you so far have been Fisher Price, pale, in the face of this most important one so far. There is no room to move here. It is as black and white as a moral imperative can be.

Vote against it. I almost care less about the outcome than I do your vote.

What exactly are you so afraid of?

Hey Barry, this isn’t change we can believe in.

Drinks for my friends.

There are times, like now, when you people amaze me.

Self righteous liberals can be a pain in the ass.

I supported arguably, the longest shot Democrats had to offer for the nomination. Dennis Kucinich, my Little Paste Eater. I wrote about him for months. I hoped. His message was pristine. I agreed with him on everything. We disagreed on nothing.

I’m a liberal juggernaut and so is Mr. Kucinich.

I felt all who supported Dennis could afford to do so. It was the first quarter and the grass was green. We had political will and capital to spend. At the very least we could have a hand in steering the dialog towards what was true. Plenty of room for optimism.

It was early. Absolute truth was contagious.

“No I want you to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin’ beer!” -Frank Booth, Blue Velvet

Eventually, we came to understand that our man was not to be. We went our seperate ways. I leaned into Edwards. Many of us did. It became apparent this hope would not bear fruit either. The pragmatic among us made another necessary, albeit painful, adjustment.

Turns out, we were right.

I threw myself and my rhetoric behind Obama without regret. He’s a good man. If you’re a regular reader, you’re aware of my conviction. No hesitation. He is what we need.

What I simply cannot wrap my brain around is you people who stubbornly, foolishly, behave as though ships sail off the edge of our world to this day. You who believe somehow that Nader, Paul or Gravel will magically discover the ability to make pigs fly out of the asses of the electorate.

Seriously, what’re you people smoking?

We have but one shot here. It is do or die to keep a bumbling idiot like McCain from marching us towards disaster of biblical proportions. This is no time for ideological naivete. This is it.

Really. Knock it the fuck off. You’re not helping anything or anybody.

I will make no apologies for our man Obama’s imperfections at this point. Too late and entirely beside the point. It has long since ceased to be about guys like Nader et al.

The wisest course is to get him elected and not let up for a heartbeat. Change, you bastards. That is why he is here and that’s why we are here. That is why we will not go gentle into that goodnight. It is why we will no longer fail to open our mouths. It is why they will end up confused after failing to shut us up.

If we’re lucky, someday men like Nader will show up in well worn shoes and people will listen. Men like Kucinich will speak of the constitution and America will pay attention. We have a chance at being what we once were. Too much zeal is likely to cost us the first step.

Put away your toys kids and get your heads in this game.

Don’t make me have to tell you again. Don’t make me stop this car.

Drinks for my friends.

That’s what we call it. I began utilizing the action (?) as an alternative to the more customary handshake while doing trade shows a handful of years ago.

I’m a little bit of a germaphobe and it seemed an appropriate way to avoid sweaty hands, urine and booger residue. This one guy, big account in the midwest, could throw thirty to fifty thousand our way on a single order. Cool guy. Chronic hyperhidrosis.

He pretty much inspired me to join the cult of the “TERRORIST FIST JAB”.

I’m also a fan of what I call “ass gaskets”. I’m loathe to use a public restroom but I’m a pretty regular guy, if you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

I apologize to all of America for engaging in such blatant and overt support of killing the innocent and subverting Christian dogma. Not only am I a fool, but a patsy as well. I’ve been duped.

I saw that speech where that married couple who might be muslim terrorists did the dreaded “TERRORIST FIST JAB”. I saw it live. I’m ashamed. At the time I thought it was cool. His kinda hot wife gave her man knuckles.

We Americans are so naive and I’m not exempt. What I processed as a simple, perhaps somewhat hip gesture, was really a well understood signal by a pair of evil doers to the evil doers of the world to do more evil.

This is old news to some of you but I just happened onto this raging controversy today. My friend and sometimes sugar momma mentioned it as we jaywalked to my apartment after she sprung for sushi and beer.

“During the June 6 edition of Fox News’ America’s Pulse, host E.D. Hill teased an upcoming discussion by saying, “A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently.” In the ensuing discussion with Janine Driver — whom Hill introduced as “a body language expert” — Hill referred to the “Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound,” adding that “people call it all sorts of things.” Hill went on to ask Driver: “Let’s start with the Barack and Michelle Obama, because that’s what most people are writing about — the fist thump. Is that sort of a signal that young people get?” At no point during the discussion did Hill explain her earlier reference to “a terrorist fist jab.” -crooksandliars.com

Mirror mirror on the wall, who be the most simple minded jingoistic network of all?

This is the silliest shit I’ve ever seen. Color me fucking dumbfounded.

The lowest watermark in public discourse I’ve ever witnessed. That there isn’t widespread outrage over it is definitive proof that we are a nation of dumbasses. I heard on Stewart tonight that only one in seven Americans can find Iraq on a map.

We have managed to elevate a fine man all the way to the contest for President of this once great country. He is perhaps the finest to run for that office in almost half a century.

Fox news can suck a fart out of my ass.

Drinks for my friends.

It’s crazy. Where we are.

Interesting that I write about ’68 and it’s relevancy and a few days later CNN has a special report.

I’m prescient bitch!

The Pantsuit spoke today. I’m such a goddamn pushover. I liked it. I believed her. She needs to show us. I’m not about to let her off the hook. I think she’ll walk the walk. It was the best speech by her I’ve seen.

This will be fascinating. I promise you he will be evaluating her as VP while watching Big Bad Bill very closely. She’ll be interning in one way or another with a handful of other junior execs.

She did very well today. I am glad. I hate it when she sucks. I do like her. Kinda.

I used to tell young bands, the first trick is the record deal, the second trick is making a good record, the third trick is mastering the universe. Until you’ve completed the first two, don’t even think about the third.

I can’t wait for a debate between Our Man and the Little Bootlicker. I wanna see Doubtfire lose his cool. He cannot possibly hope to match wits with Our Man. Even if he’s firing on all cylinders, he’s simply not bright enough.

There will be no simpering or embarrassment by the party of the first part. It’s possible there will be some degree from the party of the second part.

Having said that, I urge you all to pay attention to this campaign. Please do so while keeping your wits about you. Notice the proud and capable man our party has selected. For over a year I’ve been saying what we need is as much change as we can get.

Now it hangs right in front of you.

I’m not here to bang a drum. I’m here to point things out. You may need me to point this out.

Vote for this cat. Barack Obama is the best we’ve seen in a long time and if you let this go, we’ll slide over an edge to land in something that will be our demise. We’re that close.

I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Grape jelly, chunky peanut butter. Choosey mothers choose JIF and I like Smuckers. I could hoover one. I see myself needing the Heimlich maneuver. An obscure German tank operation your grandparents feared.

Talking to all of you is great but I need to spend time thinking about teeth whitening options. Other things too. I admit I’m listening to Count Basie.

I can’t help it. He was a genius. Sounds like flowers. Fireworks or a starry night. Oh boy. I mean goddamn.

Drinks for my friends.