Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

So it begins.

What a shame.

We were expecting it weren’t we?

They set to sea to plumb the depths for the next twenty eight days. Oh boy. I knew it would piss me off.

Governor Avon Lady* accused Our Man of “palling around with a domestic terrorists”, today. She refers of course, to Bill Ayers.

Our Man served on the same board, that of a charity for public schools. He was chairman. Yes, there were other associations but at the end of the day:

“……the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called “somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.” -NYT

Ayers is currently a respected and esteemed professor at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He’s been praised by Richard M. Daley as a valuable community leader. I would posit that to be a more dubious connection than Ayers to Obama.

We likes us some Daley, his father gave JFK command of the ship.

I hear Moosewoman is attemtping to resurrect the by now rotting corpse that was the Reverend Wright controversy. Yet another pale and very dead horse exhumed for flogging.

Fucking silly.

All painfully obviated in predictability. Easier to foresee than events subsequent to sticking any given digit or protuberance into a household electrical outlet. Just like fucking with the Jack Link’s Sasquatch. Outcome inevitability, off the scale.

Why?

Because on the issues, Doubtfire and What’s Her Name own the political equivalent of not even dick. They have nothing. They do not have dick.

He’s a terrorist, he’s a muslim, he’s a nigger! Good God, run for the hills. Steadfast family values and the enrichment of a small percentage of white people are at stake. Contact your local militia. Don’t talk to any Jews or Black people even if they tell you they’re voting McFuckstain*. Whatever you do, ignore the issues. Don’t tolerate any discussion regarding the economy, the war etc.

The message is clear, our rapidly imploding economy and potential global warfare and strife are not what’s important. What IS important is our way of life, hand in hand with good Christian acts and zero tolerance of anyone remotely different. Without food or gas maybe.

It doesn’t matter that McCain provided enthusiatic oral relief to Charles Keating in exchange for cash and prizes two plus decades after William Ayers protested the Vietnam war. It’s irrelevant that McFuckstain and his champion economic adviser, Phil Gramm, were the self appointed laureates of deregulation.

Here’s what we need to keep our eye on. The next President is going to inherit a ship with sales so tattered, she can barely catch enough wind to steer. A hull so compromised, she rides lower by the day. A crew so demoralized, if they ever see land again, they’ll all find counseling before they look for water.

If you’re among the rare, pink eyed albino undecided voters, you need to study this vessel and who you think can handle preventing it from becoming an aimless spectre. A ghost ship.

So, your skiff is no longer in this regatta. No excuse to throw your vote away. Unfortunately, third party alternatives are still a waste of energy. Now is not the time to stand on principle at the expense of pragmatism. Man up and pick the lesser of two evils. We’ve been doing it for years. This time, one is way less evil, far smarter and far more sincere than the other. A good man that just might change the way we look at ourselves on top of being able to slow or maybe halt this march to madness.

Wouldn’t that be swell?

Do you really want to risk being called a pussy for the next four years while we suffer under the other man flirting with the ethereal? One who will likely cross over into that realm while President, thereby abdicating the chair to a successful Avon Lady? Seriously? Fuck Ron Paul and Ralph Nader. Sheezus.

Let it go.

*New nick-name alert, the first supplied by Bill Maher, the latter hatched by own evil and diseased brain.

Drinks for my friends.

I came into the world only to discover my head is too big. I’ll come around. It’ll take me a while. I need a bone saw. It’s crazy, I have very broad shoulders. Yet my head is still too big.

Like I’m wearing a helmet.

It doesn’t really bother me. I have big hands and a deep voice. There’s some symmetry there.

Otherwise I seem to be normal. Typical.

That’s where it ends. I’m strange. I’m just fine on my own. For the most part. People like me because I know how to talk to them. The smarter the better, but I do fine either way. I like to sit and think. I don’t know many other people that do that. I understand life gets ever faster and our level of media saturation is invasive and insidious, but I need to sit in silence daily.

To be fair, I know a few who do at least something like turning the sound and fury off for a little while pretty regularly and I seem to get along with them well. I know some who think on their feet almost exclusively and I seem to like them too.

It’s the folks who just can’t be bothered that I have the toughest time with. Sometimes I can’t stand it and that’s just part of it. Sometimes I hate it. It makes it hard to care. People are stupid. The masses frustrate me constantly.

Many of your fellow Americans hate your freedom.

They hate it more than does the Taliban.

*GASP*

These Americans would take your right to free speech, free assembly, freedom from unlawful search and seizure, your right to privacy, your fundamental right to face your accusers, be appraised of the charges against you as well as access to counsel and the entire legal apparatus. I call them willfully ignorant mouth breathing Republicans. They are why Habeas Corpus and Posse Comitatus are empty shells today. They are right across the street.

Anyway, I remember that there are quite a few people I like a lot. Quite a few. I’m no misanthrope. I’m just a little hateful here and there. I can’t suffer fools.

I’m either going to realize my potential or not. It’s getting close. I’d bet on me.

She sings to me. All of the sudden her voice fills my head with a melody so beautiful and delicate I am awe. My mouth is wide open in despair and joy. I don’t make a sound. Who am I and what is this? Now I’m confused by a song.

The world should be painted blue. It’s too much you see? As it is, it’s way too much.

I can’t wait to consume more of it. Greasy kiosk tacos and ancient structures. Cannons, flowers and violent seas. Symphonies and wine. Morning in the forest and afternoon in a meadow.

Figure in concepts like dinosuars and Christianity, along with the Big Bang and love of family and cats. Hitler. Manson. Lobbyists and the greedy bastards they service. Great writers and great thinkers.

She walks back in to my head with a melody. Oh my she can sing. Velvet to gravel and back in a single word. Effortless. Sublime.

As near as I can tell, the closest thing to reality is ice cream. A well known quantity. Predictable, but ice cream always delivers. Soft serve from the drugstore, Häagen-Dazs or any ice cream parlor, ice cream makes the time spent consuming it a little better than it would have been. Always.

The opposite is giant green grashoppers busted open with orange tic tacs coming out. Crazy. I’ve seen and held giant green grasshoppers in my hand. The strength, torque, the thrust of those crazy hindquarters is fucking spooky. Hamsters and gerbils can’t kick or launch like that. I’ve busted them open and seen there eggs spill on the hot concrete too. Disturbing. I fear man sized grasshoppers more than just about any other man sized insect. I loathe bugs. I loathe them.

I had a lovely afternoon. I’m pretty sure I saw Angry John on the sidewalk before I got on the 101. I spent it with my girlfriend and her two daughters. Four and seven and they were delightful. We had lunch. Chicken pot pie, macaroni and cheese, a salad and cherry pie. Watching these two eat and color with crayons and talk to each other and talk to me and their mother is an essay on it’s own.

Walking back to the car, the little one asked for my hand. She talked to me the whole way. She asked me questions and told me about her favorite things and revealed that she’s a little afraid of stairs. I noticed she keeps a hand on the rail in her own house. She danced while her mother and older sister played the piano.

A little out of tune but the best sounding upright I’ve ever heard. It sings. A generous slice of sweet melon on a Sunday afternoon.

Wanna wrestle?

Drinks for my friends.

Have you told anyone you’d marry them?
I have fond memories of the Easy Bake Oven.

Would you rather live in Alaska, or Texas?
Prison.

Did you mean it when you said “i love you” last?
What I meant was that I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

Your most recent ex REALLY needed you at 3am and you had a way to his/her house would you go?
As long as there was a Taco Bell on the way and I could get like four orders of Pintos N’ Cheese and a grip o’ hot sauce.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Even if I like you, I fantisize about busting you in the mouth, I can’t help it.

Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and your sure they wont tell?
Children of the 70’s will remember Bugles. A corn chip shaped like a funnel, well now their available with caramel. Sweet AND salty. A real game changer.

What is wrong with you right now?
I can’t stand anybody or anything. I like coleslaw but I’m picky.

Do you plan on kissing the last person you kissed again?
That would be my cat Beddy. She tells excellent jokes about latin homosexuals, so yes.

Do you crack your knuckles?
What I do is boil bowtie pasta in salty water with olive oil, strain it, sprinkle fresh Parmigiano Reggiano and then add the sauce. Maybe some pinenuts sauteed in butter. I pour some decent cab franc.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
I’m always at my best. Right now I’m dead sexy. I don’t need much support, I’m barely a B-cup.

Would you kiss someone to make your bf/gf mad?
Or to make her happy.

Can you handle the truth?
Handle it? I spew it. I covet it. I seek it. Bitch.

Did you like anyone last summer?
I loathed everyone I came across.

Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”?
I am the poster child. Seriously.

Ever kissed a blonde haired,blue eyed person?
Yep, she was hotter than Georgia asphalt. There were others but she was so round and ripe. Her name was Charlotte. I called her Charlotte the Harlot.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
Bob Dole.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?
A chicken salad melt on sourdough with cheddar and tomato.

Are you too shy to tell people when you’re developing feelings for them?
I either tell people the truth or what they need to hear, depending on the nature of my relationship with them. Often the truth and what they need to know are the same thing. Hardly ever mutually exclusive. I am however, a salesman.

Do you read horocopes?
What I do is sit on the toilet and blow my nose. Depending on the volume, I then fold it and use it for my first swipe. I’m a conservationist you know. Somewhere in there I may read my horoscope from the latest Hooker Paper. The Hooker Paper is free and right there on the sidewalk in front of the 7-11. America rocks.

Do you tell your mom everything?
Pretty much. She needs to know the truth about me to understand and advise me. She’s in her early seventies and only says “fuck” when she’s talking about Republicans.

Are you enemies with a former friend?
Nope. Former friends do understand they make me sad. The ones that make the saddest I probably won’t speak to again.

Have you ever done something dumb?
Bitches can’t stop staring at me.

Have you ever had the cops called on you?
Yep, by other cops. The Reno cops couldn’t catch us, so they called the Carson cops and they waited for us at the bottom of the hill.

Who was the last person you yelle?d at?
The clerk at the 7-11 until he pointed out the Funyuns.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Sarah Palin.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Joe Walsh. The chicken melt.

Think of the last person you held hands with, do they mean something to you?
Now I’m annoyed.

What color shirt were you wearing when you last kissed someone?
Dishwater blond. It was made of hair.

Do you remember your kindergarten teachers name?
Mrs. Jenny. First grade Shaw, second grade Springmeyer, third Bobay…….

Would you rather go to a party or go out of town?
A bash in Egypt.

If you could get back in touch with anyone,who would it be?
Jimhead, Daisy, Charlotte?

When was the last time you talked to the last person you kissed?
What possible relevance can this question……….

Whats on your room floor?
My room floor? The floor of my room.

What did you wake up to this morning?
The need to eliminate waste.

Describe your current shirt
Nope. Wait.
It’s more like a blouse. Mariachi kinda. Red. The ruffles look like roses. You should see my pants. My shoes. My hat.

Who were the last people you ate with?
Who eats with people?

When was the last time you felt guilt about something?
Five, maybe ten minutes ago.

When you have kids would you want a boy or a girl first?
Kittens. A basket of them.

What are you doing right now?
Researching Kevin Bacon. Bowling with frozen turkeys. Designing tents.

Are you alone?
We are always alone.

Are you still besties with the same people you were besties with a year ago?
Besties? What am I, twelve?

Have you ever had your heart broken?
I’m going to rub my dick in mustard.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
I’m letting my hair grow.

Talk to any of your exes?
Ever count the number of peas pictured on a can of corn?

If you could go back in time and change things,would you?
I would sterilize mouth breathing Republicans in the fifties and sixties.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Nope.

Do you want to get married?
Nope.

Drinks for my friends.

This will get ugly quick because Doubtfire has nothing to lose. He’s in the suck and losing ground. It will be painful for a cornucopia of reasons. We’ll actually suffer for the inevitable shift of focus further away from legitimate issues and onto complete bullshit.

It’s gonna really piss me off. I can tell.

At issue and as example, something like a hundred and fifty nine thousand jobs lost last month alone. Double the average of monthly losses this year. This is very bad news. Think about it. That’s twice the number you saw packing the stadium in Denver for Barack’s speech at the DNC.

Understand, we need a net gain of somewhere between a hundred and a hundred fifty thousand jobs a month to sustain the zero sum game that accommodates nothing more than population growth and newly elligible workers. Assume this means men and women eighteen and up.

What I’m getting at here is this month alone, the actual net job loss was more like two hundred and fifty to three hundred thousand. See, now we’re talking about three, almost four times the people in that stadium.

That’s a shitload of lives.

Don’t forget to add that figure to every monthly job loss report this year. It effectively doubles the figure of seven hundred fifty thousand so far, to about one and a half million jobs lost this year alone. Conservative estimate.

Ten thousand foreclosures a day.

We are in very serious trouble.

Can you hear me now?

Don’t forget the number of Boomers retiring and therefore acquiescing to a fixed income and the rite of passage into drawing from social security, medicare, medicaid etc. To be clear, they’ve paid into these programs their whole lives. They deserve every damn dollar. The Republicans hate these programs and call them “entitlements”. Just like they call their jihad against the average citizen being able to sue the shit out of a major corporation for punitive AND actual damages, “tort reform”. When they whine about “frivolous lawsuits”, they really mean we shouldn’t be able to take the rich to court.

I hate them. I see John Boehner. I hate that guy.

We are hopelessly entangled in wars and caught up in the gears of countless foreign policy debacles. Ten billion a month in Iraq on credit and we’re still obstinate enough to pick fights. No wonder the World thinks we’re assholes.

Whatever.

Still, the contest for our next President is up in the air. Obama’s numbers continue to encourage, but Americans are fickle and stupid. I will never again underestimate the average American’s ability to do the dumb thing.

Our Man will prevail and that’s good, but I shudder at the toxic hazard he inherits. I worry that unless he’s got spheres hanging, of beautifully sculptured cubic zirconia, he’ll end up with the blame for a country rent asunder, the fall of The American Empire. He may ultimately preside over our demise.

I’d still pick him for that. Who better?

McCain would end up a puddle of melted crayons. Maybe a cheap roadside firework.

I loathe that the best choice we’ve had for President in a very long time is to be bequeathed such fragile, dangerous and explosive wreckage. Hard to believe he wants the job at all. I do think he wants it for the right reasons.

In turn, I believe McCain either wants it for reasons he doesn’t understand or, more likely, reasons that are not in America’s best interest. I’m trying to tell you that he’s more than a little crazy. He scares me and his laugh is fucking creepy.

Sarah Palin is not merely an empty suit. She is handsome pinstripes, expensive wool of Italian design, floating in the vacuum of space.

She sucks.

This man, Our Man, might just be able to lead us from the desert. I believe it’s in him so long as it is in us.

Drinks for my friends.

This following portion of tonights blog is written live:

I find that realtime graph alternately compelling and distracting. Chicks vs. Dudes. It’s interesting when and where they converge and diverge. I wish I could turn it off though.

She’s doing well. She lies but she’s composed, articulate and informed. Biden’s facts are far more in order. He spanks her on Iraq.

She’s poised and pivots well. Biden’s jabs are stiff with facts but that’s as hard as he swings.

Fuck me, she can’t pronounce “nuclear”. Just like Dumbya. Hate us for our freedoms. Sheezus. Interesting how she flatlines on the graph here. She can’t compete with Biden on foreign policy.

I hate this Israel shit. We are paying in spades for our support of Israel. This teacher’s pet shit has to end.

If she says the word Maverick again, I’m going to punch my own ballsack. I can’t get get past that she can’t say nuclear.

She’s clearly been to school since she hung with Couric. Tempe been berry berry good to What’s Her Name. Her folksy schtick makes me want to crap a greasy rodent. She swerves and ducks. She even milks McCain’s P.O.W. history.

She says “team of Mavericks”. I punch myself in the balls so hard, I projectile vomit with a volume and velocity so volcanic that my cat’s flee and building security rings my doorbell like a claxon. I rip the door open festooned with my own gastrointestinal gore. They wrestle me down on my kitchen floor while I scream incoherently about nuclear debates.

I punch the older one in the mouth and feel bad. He looks a little like my new boss.

During this time, Biden parks one with sincerity while talking about his personal life. She talks in circles and soundbites and Biden plays smear the queer with the maverick thing. Fucking excellent. Do I have to punish my balls again?

He’s finishing strong and he smokes her as they approach the line. He speaks from the heart and that’s why we likes us some Joe.

She closes strong. Well done. A little cheerleaderesque………still, not bad.

Biden gallops. He beats her by a length.

The following portion of tonights blog is retrospective:

Race to Biden, but it was closer than I anticipated. Not close. Closer. She did better than I’d hoped. She held her own but was below her paygrade most of the time, particularly in the second half.

Begala said it best. Biden was there to hammer McCain and contrast him with Our Man’s policies and priorities. Palin was there for damage control. Both pursued with skill and executed.

Here’s the rub. One of these goals is not like the other. One of these goals just doesn’t belong.

A financial structure buckling, two wars and more on the way and and a Presidential running mate trying to make up for not being able to even think of a relevant periodical or a Supreme Court decision a month before the vote.

Biden was disciplined and on message. Restrained? Yep, he could of disemboweled her, he just smiled and stayed on the road. There were a few times the camera caught him with one hand on the wheel and the other thumbing an impressive antler handled hunting knife. There was that twinkling sound coming off his teeth.

Once I promised to shower and change my clothes, the security team that fought me to the tile forgave me for mixing my metaphors and decided to hang out and drink. Their walkie talkies are annoying. They seem like nice guys. Not very intimidating, I mean it took all three of them and they still couldn’t get the plastic cuffs on me.

Nice job Joe.

Drinks for my friends.

First off, forgive the focus of late, but it really is the most important issue of the day. The next month, and barring the apocolypse, a few generations from now at least.

You know, the election.

I gotta get this first thing out because it’s like a turd in my mouth. Sarah Palin is out of her element. A moose in the headlights. She rocketed past unprepared. Stopped to flirt with ignorant. Now she plays house with “special”. Unfuckingbelievable.

Take a glance at her interviews with Katie Couric. Absurd. Score one for Couric and mainstream media. Nice job.

You’re in a fuel efficient car at night, that moose is in the road, She’s coming through the windshield and taking out all occupants. She’ll still fuck your SUV all the way up, kill you and your co-pilot. She’s stupid AND she’s big. You know, metaphorically.

I’m really starting to worry about the carnage this Moosewoman* may be able to visit on the world. Imagine the average joe in another country sitting there watching Palin’s words translated literally across the bottom of the screen. He’s eating some eggs or having a beer and thinks she must be among the best we have.

I see this scenario in my head rather vividly and I’m embarrassed. I understand What’s Her Name in her native tongue and I am in awe. In the context of politics, American history and world affairs, she thinks it’s all ball bearings these days. She’s retarded.

Sarah Palin gutted Joe Biden and wore him like a pantsuit -Colbert

Ha!

I can’t wait for tomorrow night. The newly constricted format might just work for Biden. Maybe that’s why they of the men only vagina cult (Democrats), accepted the terms. Biden is a blowhard and his instinct will be to slap the shit out of her. Metaphorically, of course.

I hate to do this but I’m on the pot, feeling the gin and otherwise bold of heart and purpose.

Not merely optimism, but theoretical plausibility.

Official Brainspank Prediction: An Obama knockout by midnight, PST November Fourth, the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Eight. If not an absolute cinch, a forecast by most news agencies, a done deal confirmed by the morning papers.

Too bad Carlin’s dead.

Drinks for my friends.

*new nickname alert

Just like Doubtfire, economics is not my strong suit. I took macro and micro in college, over twenty years ago. I bought and sold a house that earned me a profit. Kinda. I can do math in my head. Kinda.

Ironically, in recent months I’ve become a banker, monkey suit and all. Not a real banker, but I sell credit, money. Most of my work is from home surrounded by empty containers of every kind. Gin bottles and ketchup packets, candy wrappers and Lysol dispensers. Fast food wrappers and plastic bags from Rite Aid.

I don the gorilla costume to actually show up at the bank and close deals I’ve solicited. Haven’t made shit yet, but I like my job.

Anyway, this bailout was a shitty bill, yet the stock market reacted disastrously when it didn’t pass. It cost American industry over a trillion dollars in one day. That’s a figure neither you or I have the capacity to even imagine.

The most humongous one day free fall in the history of the NYSE. Just last week we saw WaMu take the dirt nap. The largest bank in the history of the world to fail.

It’s gettin ugly up in here.

For once I agree with Ben Stein, he posits that the ideal would be a bill that extinguishes the fire from the bottom to the top. A bill that would allow for assistance to the homeowners and therefore trickle up if you will, to strengthen the lending institutions and banks on the verge of collapse. I’m a populist, so I tend to cast a favorable eye on an idea like that. The rich have made their money, the middle class are getting shithammered. The poor are more fucked than ever.

For you ingnorant fucks, ‘populist’ is code for socialist or even communist.

I also agree with Stein and Paul Krugman that something has to be done and fast. Credit must flow in ways you and I don’t understand. This is a financial conflagration that must have high pressure hoses trained on it right away.

Yes, it’s the fat bastards that are on fire, it’s weird how their outer layer pops and sizzles like bacon. I hate the smell of their hairy backs burning. Unfortunately, they still have the keys to the universe for most of us. Pricks. No matter what, it’s gonna suck, so we need to get started.

It’s ok they were allowed to burn for a few.

Put the fire out and hang the rich later.

I’m really not interested in who said what and why it didn’t pass. Pelosi chastised the dickheads and their panties ended up in a bundle. That makes them pussies. It’s awfully nice to see John Boehner get spanked by his own party though. I hate that guy. High comedy. Excellent drama.

Maybe just this once, partisan politics will lead to better legislation. Maybe. I hate to say it, but I’m of the opinion that congress needs to pass something and Dumbya needs to sign it. Sooner rather than later.

By the way, have you seen Dumbya lately? Looks like he’s been on the recieving end of a few too many blanket parties. I bet he’s drinking again and I don’t blame him. He’s the biggest fuck up in the entire world. He’ll end his days in a comfortable chair stinking of beer and cigarettes. In an upscale Texas trailer park. A doublewide with a paved carport at least. The high point of his day will be Jerry Springer and watering the dry patches out back. Around seven he’ll switch from beer to whiskey. His neighbors will like him and he’ll hang lights for Christmas until he falls in the kitchen and breaks his hip. He’ll stop beating Laura.

Forgive me.

What will be interesting, is the Vice Presidential debate on Thursday, the same day Congress returns after holiday. Palin vs. Biden. I like Joe Biden but it will be the blowhard against the moose in headlights.

What’s up with the old man showing up to hold Whats Her Name’s hand for round two with Katie? Pitiful. Sheezus. He doesn’t trust her and she doesn’t know shit.

So much for suspending your campaign and postponing the debate until the crisis has been averted, huh Doubtfire? Go home and ride the mower dude.

“He [Dumbya] tried to ruin the country in his first term, now he’s trying to ruin the world in his second term. Let’s not give him [McCain] a third term”. -Paul ‘high functioning moron’ Begala

“We may all be killed” -Paul, Blue Velvet

Drinks for my friends.

From last Friday evening until the day ballots are cast across this country on November four, people en masse have finally begun to search their hearts and their minds.

The Presidential campaign has commenced.

The majority of Americans who actually intend to vote have begun to wake up in the morning and think about it, have lunch and devote a few minutes of thought to it, or go home and discuss it with their significant other, as of Friday night.

They’ve also begun to consume mainstream media without discrimination and with more appetite than we’ve seen in a while. I’m alarmed by this but at least they’re curious.

The first debate. A Clash of Titans.

Campaign season officially and unoffiicially started September Twenty Six, the day of the first confrontation.

There was record viewership of the conventions, but it really begins with the first debate. I’ve been watching this thing and writing about it for two years. If you’re at all like me, you understand where I’m going with this. We are consistent in our responsibility to pay attention. We have tracked and monitored candidates from all parties and given no quarter to those who run off the rails.

Here comes the great unwashed.

I nailed The Pantsuit over and over with one of those guns that actually shoot nails. Very cool invention.

Optimistically and with unfounded enthusiasm I supported Kucinich. I knew he wouldn’t last but I wanted him to get as far as his little heart could. A bright and honest man. The Little Paste Eater. Then it was Edwards because of his sincere populist message. He championed the poor. Another good and bright man, this time with an assload of charisma. Oh well.

He turned out to be a dick, not for what he did, but for what he didn’t do. Honesty. He even lied to himself.

I’ve always liked Obama, but having been the poster child for unrealistic expectations in past elections, you can perhaps understand my reluctance. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama. Forgive me, but a name like that at a time like this?

I wrote with conviction a year and a half ago that this man although gifted, had not a hope in hell. That was my belief.

What happened next was extraordinary. It was an all star season at the DNC. He not only prevailed over a field of excellent candidates, he went toe to toe with the Clinton Juggernaut and handed them their ass on a bone china platter garnished with new potatos and parsley. Awesome. Don’t you dare question his balls.

Whipping the Clintons, when Hills would NOT let go, is a bigger feat for a Democrat, a more formidable task for an African American male Democrat, than for anyone of the Republican hopefuls. It bears pointing out that they were all losers. McCain did turn out to be the best they had. Sheezus.

If after the debate, you were disappointed by the lack of punches thrown, I understand. But you need to know that we have a man that is smarter than us again. Elitist. Bigots and racists say uppity. More intelligent. He’s roughly my age but he’s so much smarter. He knows what he’s doing.

He could be really good you know. The best choice you have ever been afforded unless you are old enough to have voted for JFK or RFK. If you voted for either of them, you’re probably with me here.

Time to pay attention. 9/11 happened on this watch. This economic venting of radiation and the subsequent meltdown, predicted and predictable. Happening on this watch. Same watch. These guys suck. They’re fucking clowns. This is blind, shithouse absurd.

I didn’t realize it but there’s a part two of Couric’s interview of Palin tomorrow night. Oh boy. It is sad indeed that in the same election a woman sought and almost secured her party’s nomination for President, another woman comes along as a running mate for the other party. Actually, there’s nothing unfortunate about that at all. What is damn near heart rending is that the former was an intelligent capable woman with experience and the latter can best be sketched with one word. Bimbo.

You know what? Republicans are idiots.

And here’s another big deal. The surface and the subterranean, the face and the bone and muscle beneath this electorate are far different than anything we have ever seen in a national election. How many turn out and who they are, is and will be a wildcard of historic proportion. The youth vote. The previously disenfranchised who are now pissed, the cell phone generation. The cultural groundswell. SNL has parodied, brutally, the McCain campaign in one way or anther for the last three weeks. See, no current model takes this data into account.

It’s a wild ass card and it could be huge.

I have a crack team of analysts on the case. We’ll get back to you on this.

Drinks for my friends

“George Bush fucked up so bad he made it hard for a white man to run for President” -Chris Rock

McCain’s tie sucked but his knot was way better than Our Man’s. Our Man’s tie was far superior. We now know he has a better informed sense of the sartorial.

At approximately forty minutes in, Our Man is cleaning geriatric clock. Doubtfire lands a few haymakers but this thing is pivoting on body shots.

Not a bad game. Good fight. Sugar Ray Leonard vs. Roberto Duran circa 1980 in New Orleans. Doubtfire stops short of “No Mas”. Our Man is a boxer, an athletic technician. Stiff jabs and quick blows to the torso. The pasty little bastard is nothing if not a brawler. Smart to box this first round, as silly as it sounds, Obama realizes he’s still introducing himself this night to a shitload of white people.

I bet he punches a little harder come round two. I read somewhere today that boxing terminology is the accepted brand for political commentary. So be it.

In business, in life, in friendship, the most important question is what have you done for me lately (?). Doubtfire dwells in the past. He ducks, bobs and weaves with enough skill to avoid looking like an advanced alzheimers victim. Too much of it was not inspired or even novel. Instead it was boiler plate, stump speech bullshit. There was the “Miss Congeniality” thing for example. Evidence of an inability to think on his feet. Sad.

To his credit, he swung what he had. Hard.

So he can dance. With the exception of a few flurries and some jabs that looked good but didn’t sting, McCain performed like a man with old lungs, old legs and an aged intellect.

Our Man floats above the discourse. He dips down by necessity, and as he does so, he’s elegant, eloquent and Presidential. His cool charisma is in in stark contrast and a welcome respite from Doubtfire’s snide, and patronizing vitriol. There’s not much worse than a man attempting to engage in patronage when he has no reason or right to even try.

There are moments where I honestly anticipated his nearly translucent head exploding off his body in violent lift off like a Saturn Five rocket coming off the pad.

Here’s what’s interesting. I endeavor to abstain from bias or ideology. Simultaneously, I understand I can’t hope to honestly embrace the idea entirely. I do my best. Despite my efforts, McCain looked a fool to me. He was empty, clumsy and consistently off point. I was a little embarrassed for him.

I could plow the field for issues, dig up the substance, but if you’re a regular reader, you already know where I stand and who I agree with. Suffice it to say, Our Man was specific and clear and I agreed with most of it.

What will they say about this debate? I’m sure it will be crap. Irresponsible, despite low expectations for McCain. They will render it stupider than it was because of their own inherent chasm of misunderstanding. An inability to recognize or even look for the right things.

Somebody help with the idea that contests so important don’t have to end up as a carnival competition. This is serious business. The wrong guy could doom humans as a species. I guess people don’t understand that. If McCain is elected, there’s a far better than fifty percent chance that Sarah Palin will end up as President.

There’s a one hundred percent chance the world will be right about just how stupid we are.

Given her recent performances, limited though they be, this simply cannot come to pass. Think about it. Hard. See what I’m saying?

Let me be clear here. I want you all to understand exactly what I mean. No innuendo. No metaphor.

It’s unlikely either candidate changed any already decided minds in this venue, but McCain was obvious as the man he is. Rigid, ill-tempered, the polar opposite of affable and perpetually on the verge of a tantrum. He was unable to even look at Obama. Our Man was in complete control. Restrained even. Presidential. I was proud.

Jim Lehrer from PBS, did a bang up job, even exhorting the two to look at each other and answer. Doubtfire never did and Obama did effortlessly.

I was sad and disgusted to see Doubtfire close with the P.O.W. shuffle. Pathetic.

You see he hired his nurse to be his Vice President too -Chris Rock

Round one, Obama.

Drinks for my friends.

Paul Begala said it of Dumbya about his speech last night and whether there was any resonance. I fell off the couch howling.

He was saying that no one cared. I had to watch the speech in pieces. A yawner. I kept thinking about how close together his eyes are.

The full twelve minutes was empty of anything save for common knowledge and the mashing, over and over, of the fear button. The red one that makes bells ring. He really should just stay out of this. He wields zero influence and has long since squandered any credibility, particularly in matters financial.

A high functioning moron.

And did ya see McCain’s broad with Katie Couric today? You have got to be fucking kidding me. I’m comfortable calling her a broad because she shoots magnificent defensless mammals but ducks the press. This broad is dangerously clueless.

I really hope Doubtfire takes a powder tomorrow night in Mississippi. What a tool.

Washington Mutual took the dirt nap today. Biggest S&L in the country and the largest bank in the history of the world to ever collapse. JP Morgan bought all the juicy debt. I think we got stuck with the rest.

It’s surreal, as it gets better, as in more entertaining, it gets worse, in terms of consequences.

A materialization of the perfect storm. The tempest without flaw that I’ve been predicting for years. There is no joy in being right about this one. It’s stupid and disgusting.

The blame here rests as much on John Q. Public’s shoulders as it does on any head of state, titular or not. We allowed this. We encouraged it with our ignorance, apathy, laziness and cowardice. We are fools on this ship already compromised of buoyancy by failed leadership. Despite the obviating of the inevitable. As we speak, this vessel of American prosperity and potential heads full steam towards the mother of all icebergs.

Good job. We should all take a bow. Yes, especially the stupid ones. Couldn’t have done it without them.

Know what alarms me the most about the whole thing? We don’t have the money. It’s preposterous. We are so broke we can’t pay respect. They say seven hundred billion but we’re borrowing ten billion a month for Iraq.

Guess what passed yesterday? A defense spending bill for over six hundred billion. Understand that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are not accounted for in that bill.

Start thinking about who you can blow and/or people with extra rooms. Prioritize things like clotheslines, wells and land enough for crops. Don’t worry about propane camp stoves, but a tent, sleeping bags and firearms are all smart purchases. Don’t forget the bullets!

I’m not here to dip your popsicle in dog hair but you need to be on top of this. This shit is realtime. Many of them are shrugging their shoulders with the attitude that it’s one last ass rape before they walk away. They. Don’t. Care. Think Doubtfire does? I don’t. He’s taking an unsanctioned time out. Tried to cover himself by putting Palin out in front today. No luck to be had there. She hit her mouth on the way down.

High comedy.

Both of them made of paper. One born that way, the other worn down to it. Empty shells. Empty suits. A future of mere mediocrity awaits both, regardless of how the election lands.

Barack Hussein Obama will not save us. He will not deliver us from evil. Yet I have every reason to believe that it is within his power to change the direction of this country. That is what I expect. It is why I will vote for him. I must tell you that my optimism is heavily mitigated by my fondness for the truth in the form of absolutes.

There is honesty and lies in almost everything. Black and white, cut and dried is still available, but rare. I respect the gray but seek and heed the black and white. Absolutes.

Here is absolutely the most honest and truthfull thing I can say to you. Barack Obama is your best bet. He is your only bet. Nader and Ron Paul have ceased to matter. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You don’t want to put your money on the other side. Even if you win, you’ll be very, very sorry.

He’s not here to come into your livingroom, solve your problems and go next door to solve theirs. Anyone who claims to do that is a liar. I’m hoping he can swing enough lumber to restore some fairness for Americans despite race or class. I don’t know he’ll do this but I think he can.

I do expect him to get busy on this pointless war.

Drinks for my friends.

My epiphany smacks of *gasp*, socialism and radicalism.

It’s pretty out there. As a concept, I mean.

Here we go.

Why not implore, nay, beseech those who have benifitted so lavishly from America’s free market economy to pony up some filthy fucking lucre? Why not? Tell me that the collective benificiaries of golden parachutes, exorbitant severance packages and stock options et al. aren’t clutching bags and satchels of liquid capital that could go a long way towards remedying this consummate financial malaise.

Tell me. Why not?

Sumner Redstone, Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates and all their kooky country club cronies. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Don Henley and Garth Brooks. Mel Gibson, George Clooney, Matt Damon and Jay Leno. Hannity, Limbuagh and Olbermann. Stwart, Colbert and that guy in the Mac commercials. Letterman.

Lotsa these guys are already philanthropic. Together, our overpaid celebrities, athletes and CEO’s could go a long way towards solving this. That is of course, if they are true patriotic Americans.

All of the aforementioned and thousands of others are going to be just fine regardless of the way the bail out is structured or who wins this election. Little, if not nothing, to lose.

What say you elites?

I mean to say, if you care at all about the normal workaday citizens who put all that money in your pockets in the first place.

After all, the dramatic shift in the concentration of wealth is at the root here, a phenomena as culpable as any impropriety or outright fuckery. It was unsustainable. No way was it gonna fly for very long at all. Many of you have been on the tit for way too long.

Most of you.

Put that chunk of their wealth into a fund for the people. An institution created for the sole purpose of helping average Americans to keep a roof over their heads and maintain the ability to feed and clothe their children. It’s not socialism if it’s not a government mandate. It’s profoundly American if they choose to share their good fortune and give back to a society that has made their success possible in a world that otherwise may have excluded them.

Not subversive in any way, as long as the institutions recieve not a single red penny. Could be a complex bureaucracy, but not if you let me run it. Trust me to rock that shit.

By the way, Doubtfire put his giant vagina in full view today after recieving a phone call from Our Man seeking cooperation for a joint statement this morning. In a shallow attempt at one-upmanship, McCain announced this afternoon his intention to suspend his campaign to devote his limited energies towards the economic crisis. He also requested tomorrow night’s debate be postponed.

Fumble.

Look at my thumb. Gee, you’re dumb.

A blatant and obvious attempt by a man losing serious ground, to wrest attention away from his atrophy by waving a needle full of politics, Presidential politics, at the most serious financial issue America has faced since the Great Depression. John McCain is a cowardly, opportunistic douchebag.

In all seriousness and with all due respect, the harbinger is no longer that. Doom is in the front yard. We are here. The wolf is just outside the door. We can neither come or go. Understand that homeless people will no longer be an exclusive fixture of metropolitan areas. We are flirting with soup kitchens and tent cities are already a burgeoning reality. People are about to suffer in ways most of of us have never witnessed. This is bad.

It bears pointing out that before Dick-in-Bush usurped power, we had an actual surplus and things were no less than rosy. I remind you of the painfully obvious, the entire state of the union is completely fucked. My uncles proud men all, Republicans all, must answer the question. They owe me a reasoned explanation as to how and why they intend to give these idiots one more chance.

An alcoholic has stolen from your wallet, your wife’s purse, set the house on fire and provided illegal drugs to your children. Do you still open your arms to him for Sunday dinner? Loan him twenty bucks?

Maybe you do because he’s family. You certainly don’t hand him the keys to your car, much less the goddamn universe.

You know what? America, a once proud, prosperous and generous nation is on the verge of collapse. Chaos. Lawlessness. You think Iraqis went full tilt boogie once the rule of law was removed? Wait ’til you see Americans in action when there’s no gas, no food, no infrastructure and no rule of law. What happened in New Orleans will be a microcosm and will look Fisher fucking Price in retrospect.

Dumbya swore as late as March and McCain as late as last week that the fundamentals of the American economy are sound. For any of you who still buy that, good luck. You’ll soon be on your own.

No matter what, this will be ugly. Vulgar even. No miracles, unless the fruit of my epiphany somehow busts forth with a froth of delicious and copious juice. We all understand how unlikely that is. We are fucked. It’s important to remember who fucked you.

All that remains is to choose the right man to captain our ship through violent seas. McCain has never steered a ship and he’s crashed at least four planes.

Drinks for my friends.

Cone of silence.

This is asinine.

Sarah Palin in New York meeting with world luminaries, glistening and tarnished. I can’t believe this crap. At first, the McCain campaign (Insane in the Membrane), insisted no reporters be allowed to accompany the cameras. When the networks balked, they relented, but any questions or participation were strictly forbidden.

They’re so afraid she’ll spell potato with an ‘E’.

Not only is it insulting and unprecedented, it’s quite possibly sexist.

Since when is the press prevented from asking a single question of a candidate who would be President in a matter of months?

How can anyone possibly trust this ticket, much less it’s choice for Assistant Manager?

Now we learn that she allowed for a twenty four million dollar road to be built to the bridge to nowhere that was never built. It’s literally a dead end. A sign at the beginning says “No Outlet”. I understand the contract for the road was signed before What’s Her Name took office. Despite that, it’s enormously difficult to believe that a sitting Governor could not prevent the construction of a twenty four million dollar road that would serve no purpose whatsoever.

There’s even a paid employee to collect tolls on the road to abruptness. A road no one uses because it terminates at no actual destination.

How does three miles of asphalt cost twenty four million?

What did she do with the other couple hundred million?

Sheezus.

I am so sick of watching what was once the largesse of America’s middle class being squandered to increase the larders of those who don’t need it or deserve it. Again, to be fair, Democrats are nearly as guilty as their counterparts.

“ANCHORAGE, Alaska (CNN) — The legislative investigation into Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s firing of her public safety commissioner needs to go ahead despite the increasingly heated opposition of the McCain-Palin campaign, a leading Republican said Tuesday.

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is being investigated for the possibly improper firing of a state official.

Since becoming the Republican vice presidential candidate in August, Palin has halted her previously promised cooperation with the Legislature’s investigation of the July dismissal of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan.”

Yeah, I just puked in my mouth a little.

I said before, can’t see her when she turns sideways because she’s two dimensional.

It’s interesting. Tonight I was talking to a very close, old friend on the phone. You bond when you make records together.

Anyway, we arrived at what is perhaps the most important difference between Republicans and Democrats. Harry Reid, US Senate Majority Leader and a family friend; his first bid for the Senate was my first campaign. I was nine. He’s really disappointed and pissed me off since he became Majority Leader. My friend mentioned Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and shared similiar disdain. We were in agreement.

Even our own cross lines we’re not comfortable with. They screw the pooch and they know it. We let them know.

Therein lies the rub. Republicans march in identical boots. They are far less likely to objectively evaluate legitimate criticism and even less able to actually oppose anyone belonging to the party. It’s infantile. Handicapped. Irresponsibly unconditional. Whores on crack.

The very foundation of their entire belief system is built with bricks of compliance, obedience and and a brand of piety as mortar that is potent and toxic and very strong.

Hardcore Republican Bible abusers are America’s biggest cult. The world’s most notorious and effective terrorists.

Fuck me, I just called religous folks terrorists.

But, um, yeah. Catholic vs. Protestant. Christian vs. Muslim. All of them against gays and half of them not affording women equality. It’s gone on for far too long.

The shit we get away with in the name of Christianity is astounding. The term Bible is intended more generically here. I’m talking about it’s ubiquity. Any religion that views a single tome as it’s covenant to judge and chastise the world because the bible tells them so is goddamn foolish. Fucked in the head.

Forgive the tangent but at least it’s germane. I’m thinking it’s time for a new nickname. Sarah The Pagan? A Pentecostal for thirty four of her first thirty eight years. I don’t claim to understand this particular theological bent but I know enough to tell you it can get pretty weird. They speak in tongues.

Pundits have been saying for weeks that we need to stop paying so much attention. She’s not worth it. She’s a distraction. That’s all true. Until today. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, as of today, she is meat. She’s been the GOP VP nominee for how many weeks now and she still hasn’t answered a single question?

Rick Plank says: Fuck that shit.

There was one interview. Charlie Gibson looking professorial and Ben Franklinesque. Pretty revealing. He wasn’t throwing softballs and allowed her to make a fool of herself. It was too subtle for the great unwashed as He probably had to leave his penis at home on a condition set by Doubtfire. I’m guessing he was angry he didn’t have his penis. He had yard after yard of muscular coils of rope for her to gag on.

Now that’s fucking sexist, bitch!

She showed up on Hannity. Anyone who would reference her performance at that venue in a positive way would have to be a complete shitsmear. Seriously people, don’t be trying to bring that kinda shiznit for my nizzle. I can’t believe I just wrote that. Wonder if I’ll leave it. You may never know.

I’ve decided to leave it to discourage you from taking me too seriously. I am not an Atomic Playboy. I do not fraternize with women of ill repute. There’s a decent chance I know things you don’t. That’s not to say you don’t know things I’m completely unaware of.

Stay with me. Stay on the motherfucker.

Drinks for my friends.

I was right. Doubtfire has begun to slip in the estimation of America. This includes of course, Ms. Palin.

It’s pretty simple really. People are beginning to understand she’s a shiny new penny. In one of those tiny hand blown glass jars with an even tinier cork. Ever seen those? Used to get them at carnivals and tourist traps. At the end of the day, all she is is a penny. To buy the penny outright was at least a dollar.

I predicted it.

Up next we have the current financial clusterfuck. I admit economics is one of my weaker suits, but I know enough to understand that McCain is not the guy I want driving this bus. He walks like that cause he’s had cancer four times and his medical file is thousands of pages long. He walks like that because at least one foot is six feet under. Just think what the Presidency does to a man. Now, factor in that new penny and the size of this goddamn storm.

I predicted the economic thing too. Walk in the park. Easy to see. Fisher fucking price. For years, housing was the last load bearing wall and it was obviously going to buckle. More like the last domino than the first. If you didn’t know better you’d think we are ruled by a mob of misanthropes with nothing but greed and lust where their hearts used to be.

Wanna buy a bridge? How about a road?

Our Man was on the tip. September 17, 2007 Obama delivered a speech to Nasdaq that pretty much covered this giant gaping and gushing, fiscal fucking code red slash 911, before it happened. He’s addressed policy and substance on this eventuality time and time again. He’s been paying attention.

McCain and his former top economic adviser, Phil Gramm, King and Queen of deregulation, have been seen with their dockers down and their shrunken purple phalluses wagging. I’m thinking McCain was probably the Queen. You?

Henry Paulson, Treasury Secretary, now there’s a top for ya. Raised as a Christian Scientist. Eagle Scout. Frat boy at Dartmouth and a football player. Harvard too. Yep, this guy’s a top and he would like seven hundred billion dollars please. He would also ask that you skip the accountability thing and let him run with it. He wants you to trust him.

Did I mention he worked for Nixon and Goldman Sachs?

The polls are shifting by ten or eleven points in some places. States are in play that haven’t been for thirty years. Republican voter registration is flatlining and Democrats are steering armored vehicles bristling with angry youth through American towns everywhere.

“I been to the edge, an there I stood an looked down
You know I lost a lot of friends there baby, I got no time to mess around” -Van Halen

Sarah Palin said she watched Tina Fey’s clowning of her on SNL with the sound off and she was amused. That speaks volumes about her intellectual prowess.

Why don’t they just give up? If for no other reason than to save their supporters the inevitable embarrassment. Somewhere around fifty million Americans are getting all dressed up to look like the Special Ed class at the Jr. High dance. The naivete is ultimately tragic. They never even entertain the notion that life isn’t fair and they will be viciously ridiculed. It just hits them right in the mouth.

“All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach.” -Adolph Hitler

This, my take on politics today. The year of our lord, two thousand and eight, September twenty two.

Drinks for my friends.

I’ll try to be respectful.

Of course I’m not replying to Rod’s comment you fool. How long did that take you? Work with me here. I’m not here to fuck around. I’m here to cut to the chase and today that chase is your bullshit.

If you delete my post for profanity, you have a giant vagina.

So your mother said “Fool’s names and fool’s faces are always seen in public places.”. Um, so they are of smart people too. You probably own a lightbulb that says Edison on it somewhere or at least his patent number. Whatever. The mark of important minds is in everything you touch. Spare me your folksy sentimentalism. No disrespect to your mother.

Who’s BHO?

Who’s my messiah? I must warn you before you answer, I’m agnostic.

The Jerimiah Wright thing is tired and over. And for what it’s worth, I don’t disagree with anything he had to say.

William Ayers huh? How many of your idiots even understand he’s white?

“I’ve thought about this a lot. Being almost 60, it’s impossible to not have lots and lots of regrets about lots and lots of things, but the question of did we do something that was horrendous, awful? … I don’t think so. I think what we did was to respond to a situation that was unconscionable.”

“On September 9, 2008, journalist Jake Tapper reported on the comic strip in Bill Ayers’s blog explaining the soundbite: “The one thing I don’t regret is opposing the war in Vietnam with every ounce of my being….’When I say, ‘We didn’t do enough,’ a lot of people rush to think, ‘That must mean, “We didn’t bomb enough s—.’ But that’s not the point at all. It’s not a tactical statement, it’s an obvious political and ethical statement. In this context, ‘we’ means ‘everyone.”

Ayers is currently a Distinguished Professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago, College of Education. His interests include teaching for social justice, urban educational reform, narrative and interpretive research, children in trouble with the law, and related issues. -UIC

Both Obama and Ayers were members of the board of an anti-poverty group, the Woods Fund of Chicago, between 1999 and 2002. In addition, Ayers contributed $200 to Obama’s re-election fund to the Illinois State Senate in April 2001 -washingtonpost.com

That’s it kids. Really. That’s it.

I’m too tired to go into Rezko tonight. Happy to do it another time. Allow me to produce the Keating Five from under my cape for study and contemplation while you chew on what I’ve already thrown in front of you and your band of mentally challenged merry men.

Maybe you should stick to selling us on the Muslim horsehit fairytale.

Three syllables. Pathetic.

I like Joe Biden. Always have. He’s a good man.

And fer fuck’s sake, we don’t hate America. Stop saying that. It’s an ignorant lie. It insults us and it’s a fucking lie.

Rest of the story here

Click on that. It’s the idiot’s blog.

Drinks for my friends.

Today I enjoyed the sparkling splendor of two milestones while I sailed past them grinning and drooling like an idiot on some wonderful new euphoria inducing cocktail of pills and liquor.

Thanks to you, dear readers, I’ve passed fifty thousand reads here at brainspank. A number that is roughly equal to the town I grew up in.

An average of well over a hundred new readers every day, and between five hundred and a thousand of you are returning to read my musings at some point every twenty four hours. I’m impressed. Thank you very, very much.

The second achievement is one that pleases me almost as much; as we speak, I’ve had over twelve hundred and fifty readers in a single day. Today. Forgive my hubris, but that rocks. Again, with all sincerity, thank you.

Forgive me while I imagine applause.

I also anticipate with confidence, passing ten thousand readers in one month for the very first time. The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

More applause.

You people humble me, you are the lipstick on my pig.

I do my level best to inform and entertain you. I endeavor to bring you facts as well as humor. Often I research my subject for days before offering you my opinion and perspective. I strive to to bring both to you with as much honesty as I possibly can. I take responsibility for everything I write, and I take it very seriously. I can only hope it’s why you keep coming back.

Excelsior.

Always wanted for a reason to say that in a blog.

In the interest of symmetry, I need to make two points. First: You all should talk to me more. Comment. Let me know you’re out there. You’re free to ask questions. You got a topic burning a hole in your pocket? Persuade me to address it. You got a problem with what I’m saying? Talk to me. This concludes point number one.

Point number two is this: Talk ABOUT me. Pimp me. If what I do entertains you, tell your friends. I’d be beyond gratified to get paid for this. It’s a goal. A respectable one because I’m good at it. I’ll never charge you the reader, but I wouldn’t mind attracting advertisers. Wouldn’t it be something if I could devote my full attention to this? Post my banner and/or tell someone.

With your help, someday I’ll have crap you can actually buy. T-shirts, mugs, fridge magnets.

I’m not concerned at all about the the direction of anyone’s political wind. Be they vehemently opposed, they are welcome. More than welcome to engage me. I’m no lockstep Democrat or liberal but I don’t mind being called either. Except the lockstep part. Man up bitches. I would warn you that I’m a neocon’s worst nightmare. I’m an intelligent liberal.

In the meantime I’ll tell you this. The polls are shifting. The shift, not the gap mind you, but the shift, as much as ten points as of today. In favor of Our Man, of course. I predicted it as did many of you.

She is empty and so is he.

Work with me.

Drinks for my friends.

By Deanna: A new guest writer.

The stakes just got higher. If McCain/Palin manage to take control of the White House, it is very bad news. I certainly have major concerns about government policies that only serve the wealthy at the expense of our financial security, the ecology, the Constitution, to name a few. The republican party has been hijacked by extremists who’ve laid waste. But, this election cycle there is something far more insidious brewing. It’s called: Troopergate.

It’s not just that Palin may be guilty of abusing her power as govenor of Alaska, but it’s American’s complacency when it comes to this kind of behavior that’s particularly upsetting. That we could even begin to conceive of lifting someone to the highest office in our nation who may have abused her governmental powers. That we are not demanding the truth be known immediately. That we are not outraged by McCain and Palin’s attempts to squash the investigation with blatantly ridiculous complaints of partisanship.

Americans. Abuse of power is a big deal. It betrays absolutely everything our country is supposed to be about. It is the stuff of totalitarian regimes. Historically, the way the most corrupt leaders have governed.

Every single American, must take this matter into perspective. Put ourselves in Monegan’s shoes for a moment. It is very important.

Imagine your name is Walt Monegan. You aspire in your career to be a high ranking police officer. You work hard, earn the respect of your peers, perform with integrity and after years of persistence, you obtain the position of Chief of Police, Anchorage Alaska. These are American ideals. Across all party lines, across our entire nation we hold fast to the doctrine that if we work hard and perform with integrity, we can succeed and prosper in this great land.

Ms. Palin is your governor.

You are then compelled by Palin to open a closed investigation of a trooper’s misconduct. The trooper’s name is Mike Wooten and he happens to be her former brother-in-law, someone that she is clearly “none-too-fond-of”. According to policy and procedure, to reopen Wooten’s case without additional evidence would be improper and you decline.

Suddenly Palin fires you. The Alaskan Legislature is shocked because they know you’re a highly respected officer, so they ask you about it. No, you could not carry out a personal vendetta of the governor and fire Wooten. That would be wrong, it would taint your entire career and everything you stand for. You stood by your principles.

You lost the job you worked so hard to get. Your colleagues look upon you with suspicion even though you are innocent of any wrongdoing. Your reputation is now questioned because you honored your position of power and refused to do something unethical.

Now imagine Palin in the White House. Running our nation. Our homeland security. Our foreign affairs. If the Troopergate investigation turns out to be true and she makes decisions like this, it is cause for very grave concern. VERY GRAVE.

What makes it even scarier is that McCain and Palin have made several moves to obstruct the investigation. If the polls are accurate, and so many Americans are willing to vote for this pair in light of this behavior, I am deeply concerned about the future of freedoms in the country. I would expect that she’d want to clear her name right away were she innocent. Wouldn’t you? It becomes very suspect.

How could we even conceive of electing such people to the highest office in our nation? To be the guardians of our Constitution, our freedoms, our rights. Any of us could be Monegan in any given situation. Targeted for destruction, defamed, stripped of one’s livelihood, Lord knows what else, for standing up to governmental corruption.

America. We must know the truth about Troopergate. McCain and Palin’s attempts to quash the investigation disqualify them both from the highest office in our nation. Period. Because to not know is an incredibly terrifying proposition.

Last night, I met a man named Elmer Pinto. He was recovering from an injury. I would describe him as swarthy.

I really like blood orange juice.

My girlfriend, not so much. This works in my favor. The penalty is heartburn.

I’ve become somewhat of a banker. The worst part is the monkey suit. Kenneth Cole baby.

All the sudden I’m doing mad math. That part of my brain is dusty and smells of moths and tadpoles in a bucket of stinking algae.

I’m not at all confused by this financial bronco, bucking and foaming with mad eyes. Destroying everything. I’ve been predicting it for years. It makes complete sense to me. Walk in the park. I understood that under Dick-in-Bush, the idea of an “ownership society” was complete crap. An absolute lie.

Our Man has known it for quite some as well. He’s been talking about this fallacy for years. Same as me. Great minds think alike. We don’t miss the obvious.

I watched Bill Maher tonight and learned that white women in America can be counted on to be abject bimbos, this includes Sarah Palin. Forgive me but this Palin phenomena is inexcusable. It’s a goddamn farce and her pantsuit is as empty as Dumbya’s Armani.

I never cared about the charges of sexism. It’s bullshit. She sucks and anyone with half a brain knows it. I won’t even contemplate an apology. She’s done nothing, been nowhere and doesn’t know shit. I know intelligent people that are buying it. I can’t figure it.

Join me. Be wary of it all. Be suspicious. Be incredulous. At least be fucking confused.

We’ve gone almost eight years under leadership by a suit painfully empty. Painfully empty. No responsible course of action on any major issue. Everything, every aspect of every major issue they chose to engage, has turned to shit. Inept, misguided, out of touch and criminal. Not necessarily in that order. It has all gone to shit.

How did we get here?

On a ship of fools. A trillion fucking dollars and we have no choice. No choice. Exponentially more severe than the S&L nightmare and the tech bubble. We’re hearing comparisons to the Great Depression from the mainstream media. Fuck me. Fuck you. We’re about to be a third world country.

So let’s keep spending a half a billion a day in Iraq. Great idea. For what again? Tell me why we’re there?

Johnny Deregulation and his Prince of peril, Phil Gramm have more fingers in this pie than the entire Democratic party. His suggestion was to commission a study. Yep, Doubtfire took the absolutely audacious and brazen step of proposing we look a bit harder at it. Get some eggheads in here to tell us what we already know. Brilliant.

Krugman on Maher says we’re fucked for a while. Krugman from the NYT and Princeton, is the real deal, tells it like it is. Naomi Klein says we’ve simply moved the disaster from Wall Street to Main Street. A debt that will explode on you and I. Count on it.

This is gonna suck.

Andrew Sullivan looks thinner to me. A gay conservative Republican who talks a lot of sense.

I loves me some Bill Maher. I hear he’s an arrogant prick. I don’t doubt it. A lead singer with lead singer disease. Moving right along.

Then there’s the notion of Mr. Obama for President.

You know, forgive me for oversimplifying, but what we have here is fear. It is fear of guilt. The older you are, the more likely you have participated in actual racism. Maybe you just tolerated it, but the fear among America’s middle aged and older is genuine. Many of them know they have behaved badly and they are afraid. Very reluctant to own it. Get over it you spineless pricks.

There it is. That is what we’re up against.

The idea that they’re willing to buy Sarah Palin and Doubtfire hook, line and sinker is proof of the rampant stupidity that infects them.

It is regoddamndiculous.

I know I’ve been here before. To warn you. Here I am again. To warn you. Help me out here. Let me know you’re listening, Tell me you’re passing it along. Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, work with me? Please.

It just doesn’t get any more important than this.

Drinks for my friends.

The polls are suspect, but way too close.

I’m so tired of worrying.

Should we brace ourselves for a complete clusterfuck?

The economy can barely walk, lung disease and a nasty infection. Coughing up yellow shit.

The polls are close.

Maybe. I honestly don’t know.

Let’s entertain the notion. Just for fun.

January 21, 2009. McCain and Palin stand behind bulletproof glass beaming. Imagine the splendor. The granduer of a four time face cancer survivor and a woman who in the words of Fred Thompson, “can field dress a moose”. Awesome, the dignity of the ancient dottard and his cheerleader sidekick in full flower.

Behind inch thick plexi, mouths steam as they are sworn. January in DC. No blossoms on the mall for at least four months.

Oh, the pageantry. Oh, the humanity.

Then what?

I’m picturing a return to hoop skirts and a resurgence of marbles among adolescent boys. Pinball will enjoy a fresh popularity. Roller skating with clay wheels and car side service by chicks in pantyhose. Mmmmmm, frosted mugs of bubbly rootbeer. Yo Yos. Hula Hoops. Casseroles and many more things made of yarn than seen today.

It’s gonna be great. Lotsa plastic whistles and balloons and fresh baked pies.

I’m a little sad it won’t be as cool as the future I anticipated.

I wish I could have both. Technology. Broadband internet and Hi def TV. I’m seriously in a holding pattern for virtual sex. I’m really curious about this new collider in Geneva. I like my Mac a lot. I really like the internet.

The innocence of dial telephones, the birth of the muscle car and not a single digital read out anywhere.

Radium watches. Unchecked toxic waste. Korea and Vietnam. The cold war.

Kinda like the fifties. You know, when Christianity held absolute sway in the heartland. When blacks weren’t elitist, much less uppity. They knew their place. Women too. We let them vote but they were aware that uppity was not an option. Not for white women anyway. We kept our shit real in the day. Head of household was just that.

Commander in fucking cheif.

Though this utopian lifestyle will take effect on the same day as the inauguration, there will be wrinkles.

It will be an adjustment, but nowhere near traumatic. Life is good. Take it easy. America has opted for real change. McCain Palin are here to bring change. Long after Obama said it sincerely, these two pillars of virtue assimilated that message and are here to visit it upon all of us.

Wrinkles.

The hot gust of a sulphur and garlic fart. Moist heat and a cosmic resonance.

From loose nukes and poverty, to even white folks fearing the police, peanut butter becoming a staple as well as a commodity. Just like pork bellies. The middle class will become the working poor and there will once again be Robber barons and Captains of industry.

It’s kind of exciting. Maybe train robbery will become viable again. Count on the ubiquity of mid century style liquor store robberies. We’ll all need to rely on ourselves more. Sometimes, it will be at the expense of our neighbors. Sometimes, at their peril. Many of us will be forced into lawlessness. Don’t be alarmed at this change, it’s just how some Republicans let us know they too believe in natural selection. It’s a wink at evolution. Even the brightest assholes are cool with Darwin.

We should all brush up on our agricultural know how. It’s gonna be big in the post technocratic age. Trust me, study your climate and soil. When everything goes down, loot the bookstore for gardening books, nevermind the convenience store. Hit the hardware store for shovels, wheelbarrows etc.

Make sure your cool on sunglases and hats. Steal as much sunscreen as you can find.

The music from the ice cream truck keeps on keeping on behind all of it. So help me god.

Whatever kids. That’s how the West was won.

Drinks for my friends.

Bitches.

Still in the full body condom, America’s moose gutting mom avoids engaging the media like the kid in the Casper costume glimpsing the gang of Metallica wannabes drinking beer and leaning against a Camaro after midnight on all hallows eve. Nose running. With a fuckin pillow case full of The Kind.

She’s afraid and so is the campaign. The polite term is neophyte. The accurate term is wolf slaughtering doe in the headlights.

I hear the next official media exposure will be a gritty, no holes barred interview with Sean Hannity. What we have here is the body condom, a net, some matresses and a fucktard. Sheezus. If Americans are actually this dumb, how does bread end up on the shelves? Produce?

“The fundamentals of the American economy are sound”, now watch while I coin this phrase.

The Malfeasance of Idiocrasy.

That’s really the salient argument here. The catastrophe that keeps giving. We’ve gotta half a billion dollar a day war addiction and the banks are dropping like flies. Big ones. The biggest ones. People are dying.

The Malfeasance of Idiocrasy.

I heard tonight the housing debacle will begin to heal early next year. Bullshit. America has a chronic and potentially lethal fiscal disease. Picture liver and kidney failure.

There is a cure. Might be too late though.

The housing conflagration was merely the first obvious symptom. Pretty nasty boils, but a symptom nonetheless. Not unlike those carbuncles from my last blog. These knuckes of flesh will still be festering and oozing after first thaw.

The disease is another matter. I’m here to talk about the part of the disease that is pure, blind hubris. It’s name is Sarah Palin and she doesn’t know shit. That is exactly why she thinks she can do this, because she doesn’t know shit. She has no fucking idea where she may be allowed to walk.

You’ve got be fucking kidding me.

She’s under investigation, she’s ducking subpeonas. Half the women in her state loathe her. This is ridiculous. The top of their ticket is seasoned, albeit bitterly, and the bottom is a blowhard. She shouts less than nothing. She lies. Bridge To Nowhere anyone? ANYONE? Earmarks, Bueller, Bueller? The plane, the plane? Tattoo?

It’s a goddamn joke half of us are too stupid to get.

Americans are astonishigly stupid.

Know what really chaps my ass? The drooling, sewage vomiting, talking head Republicans. They just make shit up. I’m constantly asking myself how they can sit through makeup etc. and appear on camera fully prepared to utter the words that manifest into sentences and then paragraphs of such transparent, wholesale, sociopathic lies.

Yes, I understand we do it too. It bothers me. I offer this caveat: my side is rarely, if ever as audacious and never as vicious as the Republicans. Have you seen them go after each other? For what it’s worth, my side is not exclusively Democratic, they are always independent thinkers.

Republicans routinely push the envelope of decency and consistently push past the bounds of common sense. Always beyond reprehensible. No ethical imperative. No moral compass.

The Malfeasance of Idiocrasy.

Drinks for my friends.

What more do you need?

The ineptitude.

I would refer you first, to today’s stock market performance. Next, I’d like to point you to the likely failure of AIG and WAMU. Our nation’s largest insurance company and largest S&L respectively. Wall street will break a few records this week. Last but not least, I would have you read the last two blogs by my guest contributors, Josh and J.

The ugliness has begun.

The American economy and therefore that of the world, is a mere sigh away from spectacular collapse not seen since the towers on 9/11. Repercussions not felt since the Great Depression.

Now, who are you voting for?

We got trouble, right here in River City.

Here’s a big ass truth for you. The war is no longer an issue of morality and justice, it’s all about the Benjamins. For years we haven’t been able to afford this reasonless war. It’s been waged on credit, while contactors stink atop piles of filthy lucre. Fom now on, everyday it’s allowed to continue, is a guarantee of a dark day to come for every citizen in this country from the upper middleclass on down.

Just today Doubtfire said the fundamentals of the American economy are sound. Boys and girls, this man is an idiot. He’s either in denial or lying. The fundamentals of our economy are imploding you jackass. The banks are failing you moron.

McCain has admitted not knowing much about the economy and his running mate lies about earmarks while overseeing a cash cow of a state. The most government money per capita of any state in the union. Doubtfire, along with Phil Gramm, is the king of deregulation. From the housing bust, to the debt and the buckling of historied financial institutions, deregulation is the catalyst. Merrill fucking Lynch disappeared today. Remember the Keating Five? The original Enron.

Shut up, I know he was exonerated but he was in past his elbows. He got slimed. Got some on his face, gave him face cancer.

By the time we next inaugurate a President, our faces will have become familiar with the canvas. The question has become not so much about the fittest to be Commander in Chief, but rather about which team is best able to get us back on our feet.

He will begin to slip in the polls. The Republican Rovenesque juggernaut didn’t anticipate this particular strain from the virus of fear they so carefully nurture. Clearly, these asshats did not position adequately for the advent of cleaning up their own mess BEFORE leaving office.

What?

They were gonna just dump it on whoever. They got behind McCain because he’s more profitable and he mitigates the chances any of them will serve time. Either way, they’re cool. You can tell they don’t give a mad fuck. No worries.

They didn’t plan for the house to be on fire while they were in it though. They pass out marshmallows with a nervous grin, a sheen of sweat on their faces.

Boil and chop kids, boil and chop. Tell me you’re on the motherfucker.

Something wicked this way comes.

Drinks for my friends.

I say without equivocation, certainly without apology, Bill Maher rocks. His show, the format, the concept and the man. New Rules is consistently brilliant. No exception tonight. And it’s entertaining. Wow.

I understand he’s an arrogant bastard. Oh well.

How much my perception and enthusiasm have to do with the fact there was only one douchebag on the panel and he was an authentic douchebag? I just can’t say.

Toss him some government cheese for pointing out how absurd it was for Tenet to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Snatch it from him for neglecting to mention Franks and Bremer.

The graph and measure of my fanhood for Janeane Garofalo is far from pretty, but she was on like a pyrex bong. Smarter and more aggressive than the aforementioned douchebag, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal named John Fund. No shit, that’s his name. Get it?

She described Republicans, using the example of the RNC, as unrestrained id that throws red meat out for the dopes. That’s hot. She also shouted, “that’s such unbelievable bullshit”. It matters not at all what she was talking about. She bared teeth and drew her sword.

This guy Fund smiled an idiot smile, obfuscated and attempted to patronize and condescend until the bell. He came off, despite his best efforts, precisely like a douchebag.

Bill brought in Roseanne at the end. She was shrill, opinionated, sarcastic. aggressive and completely on the money. Absolutely right.

The show opened with Paul Begala explaining to us that what Axlerod and Our Man have been doing is similiar to that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson is telling his men to hold. Hold. Hold……..and then he lowers his sword. The Scots commence to open a giant keg of whoop ass on the English. These are my people you know. My ancestors.

I hope so.

This race will be far more entertaining, maybe even more aesthetically rich and dense like cheescake, satisfying like sushi and beer, if Begala is right. I hope so, because it’s also absolutely necessary. I’m over being the pussy party. Outsmart them and hand them their asses too.

Tired, tired, tired of this shit.

Salman Rushdie bats a good clean up and Maher fields the ball whenever Fund gets his bat on it. A couple times, Maher fired it back hard from the infield and hit the smug prick in the mouth. He kept his composure, still it was gorgeous.

Roseanne walked on at the end to throw nothing but beanballs. She only shut up for Bill and spent the rest of her time throwing hard at the douchebag’s head. This too, was gorgeous.

After this week’s media, I welcome the actual pummeling of any mealy mouthed conservative with a cartoon fucking grin. Every successful Republican has one of those unrealistically false grins. Imagine Romney or the rictus on Guilliani. Like they’re drawn on. Like a cartoon. Except Cheney. He hasn’t actually smiled since his late twenties, when he learned to masturbate. Prick.

All four heart attacks, he was found with pants around ankles, both hands on his johnson. Darth’s pet name for his trouser twninkie is Lyndon Baines. I made this last part up.

Maher’s point about cynicism being when you say shit, despite knowing better than the dumb people, you still say it because the dumb people will buy it and they can get you elected, made me somewhat tumid. I couldn’t agree more. Tumescence.

What’s happening here is a collision between the smart and the stupid. A clash brought on by the profound differences in our candidates. Both ideologically, and how they are perceived as people. How people identify with them. The bright and the dim.

Methinks it’s a jacked up set of circumstances.

How much does that suck? The good fight is for the hearts and minds of the willfully ingnorant and the garden variety dipshits. Shameful, and not only because it’s never been won solely with truth and honesty. Yet it hasn’t. Ever. There’s just too goddamn many of them. The ignorant, the willfully ignorant and the masses unclean. They don’t read and they pay only passing respect to awareness.

The righteous rarely prevail in contemporary American politics because of the naivete of adhering to and believing in, justice, honor and integrity.

As I write this, the evil bastards are competing and maybe winning by ignoring the issues save to lie about them. I’ve seen this my entire adult life. I read conservative blogs, watch Hannity and listen to Limbaugh. I know precisely how they do it. If I’m not able see a few moves ahead, I know where to look. I seek the words of the intellectually irresponsible.

Why can’t the good fight do this? Why won’t they? Doubtfire is as dirty as a pig and Palin is the lipstick. Our Man pointed it out on Letterman.

I think what’s been missing here is a willingness to throw hands. Kerry sucked and Gore wasn’t much better. They both rolled around till the Republicans found the wet spot. Either one of the Clintons will kick an ass if given the chance and that’s why they have been so successful. They will light you up just to remind you. When a Republican begins to spit they know to make a fist. Far from perfect these two, but there are lessons to be learned under even the smallest of stones.

Billary are still the biggest boulders in the Democratic party.

Put them out front as shock troops if they agree. They will. Our Man and his people need to take notes. I’d hate to see the most important election in the history of this country decided by the party most willing to punch balls. Yet it’s at least a requisite factor in any modern campaign strategy. Be ready and willing to swing straight for the sack.

I’m not seeing enough of this from my side. I smell vagina. I smell kittens, tofu and arugula, sauvignon blanc and a mild gorgonzola. Our stereotype sucks. Rednecks are known for a willingness to throw down. A liberal would then get a restraining order and sue the redneck. I know, I’m a liberal.

We need to start swinging, because this shit is fucked up and idiots aren’t bad people, they’re just idiots.

Back burner defense, get offensive. Get in faces. Palin and McCain are plenty vulnerable and they clearly don’t know shit about defending themselves. They are wide fucking open. Ducks in repose.

Don’t be afraid to punch the mouthy hick in the balls. You can’t change his mind so attempt to disable him.

I imagine Doubtfire has a handle on this kinda fuckery after 2000. I think he was most seduced by the concept of ‘attack with fuses burning’. Preemptive without regret. The Bush Doctrine. He’s not so stupid as to not understand the size and fierceness of such sociopathic apparatus the evil empire has at it’s disposal.

You know, he’s hired every one of them that visited it upon him back then.

He knows the machine. It ate him. Crapped him out. Now he’s it’s bitch all over again. Unfuckingbelievable.

Tell me you can’t see it.

With Palin, the seduction of McCain is complete. It is done. He has compromised the last of his values. He’s no longer worth a goddamn nickel.

Can’t you tell?

The good news is, both of these flowing like menstrual carbuncles are spectacularly vulnerable from the rear. Doubtfire has been penetrated before but it’s been eight years and they work for him now.

Time for fists. Vulnerable from the rear.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m sorry for the loss and the tragedies and the lies. It did affect me personally, but it turned out ok and my fiancee was safe. She was there and she was a flight attendant for one of the airlines. Scary for about forty minutes. I’ll take that and be grateful. That’s as far as it went for me and mine.

I am thankful.

We are no longer together but I’m happy she still roams the earth. Talked to her today.

Drinks for my friends.

If he were white, this would be over.

All that talent, all that charisma and all that intelligence. If he were white, McCain would be bucking for a cabinet post at best. “JFK” would escape the lips of Americans without hesitation. If, he were a white Christian male, just as attractive with just as much presence, saying exactly the same things and landing precisely where he does on every single issue, next. If he were white. We’d be all but finished here.

Race in your face bitches. No shit.

This sucks. They are lying to you so hard, with such desperation. If you buy it, we are laughing at you. Like hyenas, we stare and point and you wonder if the monkey is you or them. If that happens, understand you might be a redneck. Or gullible enough to be flirting with retardation. By the way, the monkey is you and them.

See, they just floated an ad that alleges Our Man prioritizes sex education in the first grade over children learning to read. That’s regoddamndiculous. It’s a bill that promotes educating young children about sexual predators. How’s that for a dirty political fucking lie? Makes Willie Horton and Kerry’s war record look Fisher Price. I dare anyone to explain this one to me.

Shameless, with a simultaneous assload of vanity. I really hate these guys.

Our Man shows up on Letterman and he’s brilliant. Detail, like Bill. A firm grip on the world and forgive me but he’s a regular dude. Likable, smart and funny. Then I see him on CNN, bright and lucid. Comfortable plumbing the depths of policy. Specific, learned and at ease.

McCain was charming. Made me laugh and threw some meat out there. He did well. We liberals are supposed to stop saying positive things about neocons. I call ’em like I see ’em. He’s still a coward, masquerading as a maverick, pretending to be an independent thinker. The truth is, he long ago lost sight of why he’s here and is now only capable of picturing the brass ring. The prize. He’s empty. He likes shiny things.

I should focus on this for a minute. Doubtfire has a friendliness deficit and Palin has the charm of a middle aged junior varsity cheerleader. Talk to her at a kegger and get back to me.

I want to tell you something. I’m just gonna say it. I relate to this guy because I’m not dumb, He’s smart and I’m not dumb. He’s smarter than me and I like that. I think you should too. No matter how stupid you are, you should at least be able to tell that this guy is way brighter than you or McCain and that should be reason enough for you to vote for him.

Haven’t we just suffered for over seven years because of our President’s stupidity?

What’s her name did her very first interview tonight as a potential VP. Charlie Gibson ABC, asked her in a glasses on the nose Ben Franklin way, if she experienced any hesitation when McCain asked her to be his running mate. She didn’t blink. She said she told Doubtfire if he thought she could help the ticket and the party, then absolutely.

She said this, as opposed to asking, even of herself, if she could function as President of the United States. It appears as though it never entered her cheerleader brain.

And for what it’s worth, she had no idea what the Bush Doctrine is.

Her calves were hot though.

Drinks for my friends.

Know what? This shit is making me crazy. The mainstream media has just devoted an entire day to whether Our Man was sexist when he utilized an expression that I’ve even heard from my own Father’s mouth. My Father wasn’t talking about women, he was talking about Republicans.

They want you to believe they’ve never heard the expression before?

McCain has used it and so has Clinton.

I don’t care what he meant when he said it. It was either innocent or excellent swordsmanship. If he meant it, he wasn’t being sexist, he was calling her a dipshit.

Fifteen Minutes is all she has. Perhaps more of an empty suit than Dumbya. Been nowhere done nothing, disingenuous hockey mom from Wasilla Alaska. Had to look up the spelling.

This is fucking ridiculous. It won’t last, but please.

When Doubtfire first announced her, I was confused. Dumbfounded. I gathered my thoughts and faculties and arrived at the judgement that it was the most cynical and profoundly ridiculous move in contemporary politics I’d ever seen.

I was right. It is. I admit I’m mouth breathing over the interest, sensation and spectacle surrounding the entire debacle, but I’m here to tell you, it won’t last. She brings nothing. She has nothing. It may look like a brilliant move this week, within two weeks, it will be over save for the shouting.

I’m hoping sooner.

Our Man played his bishop on the chessboard with Biden. McCain took a pawn out of his pocket, painted with sparkly nail polish and placed it on the board with a reluctant palsy. He realized it was plastic and it’s weight confused his geriatric hand. He briefly forgot what he was doing when he noticed the rest of the pieces were made of marble. He took a drink of his diet soda and struggled to remember.

Despite it all, the great unwashed did a standing O and then executed a near flawless wave. Tens of them.

As I write this, a private jet lands on some tarmac in Alaska accompanied by the theme music from Top Gun. Top Gun? Sheezus. Seriously, it’s live on CNN.

By the way, She’ll be relying on a teleprompter to address her home crowd. So far, they’re not willing to let her work without a full body condom. What does that tell you?

Empty boilerplate rhetoric, POW regurgitation and talk of a tough “maverick” delivered in a breathless rush from a cheerleader running for student body vice president with the crutch of a teleprompter. Fuck me.

A heartbeat from the Presidency. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Seriously America, work with me here. It’s about the top of the ticket until the top of one of the tickets could die at any moment and his chosen successor sucks donkey dick.

Did I say that or think it?

Enough!

Drinks for my friends.

Hulking giants capable of bending jailhouse bars. Not nearly as bright as some of us. Capable of limb ripping violence, though.

The Gorillas are Race, and Voter Fraud.

I don’t know what to do about election fuckery because I live in California. Evil has no interest in subverting our ballots. It can’t really. We’re a foregone conclusion, in national elections, Californians are consistently in favor of the better choice.

We’re kinda whacky.

Ohio is a long way from here, but it’s been going on there for eight agonizing years. Diebold. What a joke. CEO Wally O’Dell lives in Columbus and said he was “committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the President” (Dumbya). -Mother Jones ’04

What kinda retard could possibly be in favor of a paperless system? No hard copy at all?

Check this: http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0225-05.htm

What do I do from Los Angeles about this drooling, stinking Simian?

The ball is yours Ohio. So is the goddamn Ape. You’ve been cheated and lawlessly manipulated. Don’t believe me? John Conyers, a Congressman from Michigan wrote a book “What Went Wrong In Ohio”. Read it. By the way, this guy rocks. Easily one of the bravest members of the United States House of Representatives. If only He and Kucinich could mate.

This election may well be in your hands again and you guys really rolled the pooch over last time and allowed Republicans a violent sexual congress with it. As did John Kerry.

You and Florida are the poster children for polling malfeasance so I’m putting you both on notice. Only you can prevent forest fires. At least Gore, and some Floridians, put up a fight.

We’ll be looking for a little more than that this time around.

Race. The other Gorilla.

My stomach flops and fills with dirty moths. There is no way to alter minds indoctrinated for a lifetime with bigotry and baseless hate in less than sixty days without an aggressive campaign of shame. Probably can’t change many minds, yet embarassing them for it might be effective.

They should be embarrassed. It and they, are archaic and absurd. They are unfortunately, everywhere.

So ubiquitous.

They are us. Inside us all, regardless of pigmentation or country of origin. The conundrum is to own it of self and be unrelenting in recognizing it in ourselves and others. All while consistently swinging a quick bat against it, all the goddamn time.

If the course of human events is allowed to continue on it’s current trajectory because the tipping point is about the color of a single man’s countenance, perhaps humankind will finally reap what it’s sown. The seeds of fear and hate will be allowed to become vines that choke and starve life from the plants of hope and resolution; deliberately deposited pods in a once rich and optimistic Earth.

That would really suck. It would be a shame. Final evidence that humans are ultimately and fatally flawed.

Proof that we suck. More stupid than smart. Our own demise.

I want to remind all of you that this is big. Very big. Bigger than a lot of you can even guess at. If and when you take it upon yourselves to sincerely contemplate the next leader of the free world, please be honest with what you are and remember this is no time to fuck around.

Drinks for my friends.