Archive for the ‘Liberals’ Category

I say without equivocation, certainly without apology, Bill Maher rocks. His show, the format, the concept and the man. New Rules is consistently brilliant. No exception tonight. And it’s entertaining. Wow.

I understand he’s an arrogant bastard. Oh well.

How much my perception and enthusiasm have to do with the fact there was only one douchebag on the panel and he was an authentic douchebag? I just can’t say.

Toss him some government cheese for pointing out how absurd it was for Tenet to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Snatch it from him for neglecting to mention Franks and Bremer.

The graph and measure of my fanhood for Janeane Garofalo is far from pretty, but she was on like a pyrex bong. Smarter and more aggressive than the aforementioned douchebag, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal named John Fund. No shit, that’s his name. Get it?

She described Republicans, using the example of the RNC, as unrestrained id that throws red meat out for the dopes. That’s hot. She also shouted, “that’s such unbelievable bullshit”. It matters not at all what she was talking about. She bared teeth and drew her sword.

This guy Fund smiled an idiot smile, obfuscated and attempted to patronize and condescend until the bell. He came off, despite his best efforts, precisely like a douchebag.

Bill brought in Roseanne at the end. She was shrill, opinionated, sarcastic. aggressive and completely on the money. Absolutely right.

The show opened with Paul Begala explaining to us that what Axlerod and Our Man have been doing is similiar to that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson is telling his men to hold. Hold. Hold……..and then he lowers his sword. The Scots commence to open a giant keg of whoop ass on the English. These are my people you know. My ancestors.

I hope so.

This race will be far more entertaining, maybe even more aesthetically rich and dense like cheescake, satisfying like sushi and beer, if Begala is right. I hope so, because it’s also absolutely necessary. I’m over being the pussy party. Outsmart them and hand them their asses too.

Tired, tired, tired of this shit.

Salman Rushdie bats a good clean up and Maher fields the ball whenever Fund gets his bat on it. A couple times, Maher fired it back hard from the infield and hit the smug prick in the mouth. He kept his composure, still it was gorgeous.

Roseanne walked on at the end to throw nothing but beanballs. She only shut up for Bill and spent the rest of her time throwing hard at the douchebag’s head. This too, was gorgeous.

After this week’s media, I welcome the actual pummeling of any mealy mouthed conservative with a cartoon fucking grin. Every successful Republican has one of those unrealistically false grins. Imagine Romney or the rictus on Guilliani. Like they’re drawn on. Like a cartoon. Except Cheney. He hasn’t actually smiled since his late twenties, when he learned to masturbate. Prick.

All four heart attacks, he was found with pants around ankles, both hands on his johnson. Darth’s pet name for his trouser twninkie is Lyndon Baines. I made this last part up.

Maher’s point about cynicism being when you say shit, despite knowing better than the dumb people, you still say it because the dumb people will buy it and they can get you elected, made me somewhat tumid. I couldn’t agree more. Tumescence.

What’s happening here is a collision between the smart and the stupid. A clash brought on by the profound differences in our candidates. Both ideologically, and how they are perceived as people. How people identify with them. The bright and the dim.

Methinks it’s a jacked up set of circumstances.

How much does that suck? The good fight is for the hearts and minds of the willfully ingnorant and the garden variety dipshits. Shameful, and not only because it’s never been won solely with truth and honesty. Yet it hasn’t. Ever. There’s just too goddamn many of them. The ignorant, the willfully ignorant and the masses unclean. They don’t read and they pay only passing respect to awareness.

The righteous rarely prevail in contemporary American politics because of the naivete of adhering to and believing in, justice, honor and integrity.

As I write this, the evil bastards are competing and maybe winning by ignoring the issues save to lie about them. I’ve seen this my entire adult life. I read conservative blogs, watch Hannity and listen to Limbaugh. I know precisely how they do it. If I’m not able see a few moves ahead, I know where to look. I seek the words of the intellectually irresponsible.

Why can’t the good fight do this? Why won’t they? Doubtfire is as dirty as a pig and Palin is the lipstick. Our Man pointed it out on Letterman.

I think what’s been missing here is a willingness to throw hands. Kerry sucked and Gore wasn’t much better. They both rolled around till the Republicans found the wet spot. Either one of the Clintons will kick an ass if given the chance and that’s why they have been so successful. They will light you up just to remind you. When a Republican begins to spit they know to make a fist. Far from perfect these two, but there are lessons to be learned under even the smallest of stones.

Billary are still the biggest boulders in the Democratic party.

Put them out front as shock troops if they agree. They will. Our Man and his people need to take notes. I’d hate to see the most important election in the history of this country decided by the party most willing to punch balls. Yet it’s at least a requisite factor in any modern campaign strategy. Be ready and willing to swing straight for the sack.

I’m not seeing enough of this from my side. I smell vagina. I smell kittens, tofu and arugula, sauvignon blanc and a mild gorgonzola. Our stereotype sucks. Rednecks are known for a willingness to throw down. A liberal would then get a restraining order and sue the redneck. I know, I’m a liberal.

We need to start swinging, because this shit is fucked up and idiots aren’t bad people, they’re just idiots.

Back burner defense, get offensive. Get in faces. Palin and McCain are plenty vulnerable and they clearly don’t know shit about defending themselves. They are wide fucking open. Ducks in repose.

Don’t be afraid to punch the mouthy hick in the balls. You can’t change his mind so attempt to disable him.

I imagine Doubtfire has a handle on this kinda fuckery after 2000. I think he was most seduced by the concept of ‘attack with fuses burning’. Preemptive without regret. The Bush Doctrine. He’s not so stupid as to not understand the size and fierceness of such sociopathic apparatus the evil empire has at it’s disposal.

You know, he’s hired every one of them that visited it upon him back then.

He knows the machine. It ate him. Crapped him out. Now he’s it’s bitch all over again. Unfuckingbelievable.

Tell me you can’t see it.

With Palin, the seduction of McCain is complete. It is done. He has compromised the last of his values. He’s no longer worth a goddamn nickel.

Can’t you tell?

The good news is, both of these flowing like menstrual carbuncles are spectacularly vulnerable from the rear. Doubtfire has been penetrated before but it’s been eight years and they work for him now.

Time for fists. Vulnerable from the rear.

Drinks for my friends.

If he were white, this would be over.

All that talent, all that charisma and all that intelligence. If he were white, McCain would be bucking for a cabinet post at best. “JFK” would escape the lips of Americans without hesitation. If, he were a white Christian male, just as attractive with just as much presence, saying exactly the same things and landing precisely where he does on every single issue, next. If he were white. We’d be all but finished here.

Race in your face bitches. No shit.

This sucks. They are lying to you so hard, with such desperation. If you buy it, we are laughing at you. Like hyenas, we stare and point and you wonder if the monkey is you or them. If that happens, understand you might be a redneck. Or gullible enough to be flirting with retardation. By the way, the monkey is you and them.

See, they just floated an ad that alleges Our Man prioritizes sex education in the first grade over children learning to read. That’s regoddamndiculous. It’s a bill that promotes educating young children about sexual predators. How’s that for a dirty political fucking lie? Makes Willie Horton and Kerry’s war record look Fisher Price. I dare anyone to explain this one to me.

Shameless, with a simultaneous assload of vanity. I really hate these guys.

Our Man shows up on Letterman and he’s brilliant. Detail, like Bill. A firm grip on the world and forgive me but he’s a regular dude. Likable, smart and funny. Then I see him on CNN, bright and lucid. Comfortable plumbing the depths of policy. Specific, learned and at ease.

McCain was charming. Made me laugh and threw some meat out there. He did well. We liberals are supposed to stop saying positive things about neocons. I call ’em like I see ’em. He’s still a coward, masquerading as a maverick, pretending to be an independent thinker. The truth is, he long ago lost sight of why he’s here and is now only capable of picturing the brass ring. The prize. He’s empty. He likes shiny things.

I should focus on this for a minute. Doubtfire has a friendliness deficit and Palin has the charm of a middle aged junior varsity cheerleader. Talk to her at a kegger and get back to me.

I want to tell you something. I’m just gonna say it. I relate to this guy because I’m not dumb, He’s smart and I’m not dumb. He’s smarter than me and I like that. I think you should too. No matter how stupid you are, you should at least be able to tell that this guy is way brighter than you or McCain and that should be reason enough for you to vote for him.

Haven’t we just suffered for over seven years because of our President’s stupidity?

What’s her name did her very first interview tonight as a potential VP. Charlie Gibson ABC, asked her in a glasses on the nose Ben Franklin way, if she experienced any hesitation when McCain asked her to be his running mate. She didn’t blink. She said she told Doubtfire if he thought she could help the ticket and the party, then absolutely.

She said this, as opposed to asking, even of herself, if she could function as President of the United States. It appears as though it never entered her cheerleader brain.

And for what it’s worth, she had no idea what the Bush Doctrine is.

Her calves were hot though.

Drinks for my friends.

Make that naive.

This race for President is what they call a statistical dead heat. Scary. My mind tells me this is to be expected. Most of the electorate are just beginning to pay attention. This scares me too.

They have almost completely assimilated Our Man’s message of “Change”, even after they made fun of it. It’s not a wafer thin slice of deli meat, not even an RCH short, of equal parts creepy and awesome. So depressingly illuminating. Proof that it doesn’t take much too fool some of the people all of the time. Proof that there’s an assload of them.

Same thing they did with patriotism.

I’m having a lazy day so expect nothing above the level of ad hominem, grandiloquent, fucking pomposity.

I gotta tell ya, this shit is ridiculous. Sarah Palin has not strayed from the script by so much as a misplaced pause. They were going to let her play with others on her own starting tommorrow but they understand two things. Not only is she way too short on experience and knowledge of any kind, but there’s enough stupid people in America lusting to hear the same goddamn thing she says every night, word for retarded word, over and over while they languish in their adult diapers.

Bonus, they hang around for Doubtfire.

I’m not here to pretend I’m confused or shocked. I’m thoroughly cognizant of how many mouth breathing, God fearing, dogmatically handicapped there are among us. It feels like the majority.

I’m not here to abandon hope. I’m still convinced our ticket will prevail. It has to. I’m not kidding when I say the future of the human species depends upon it.

Somehow, I retain optimism.

Here’s the deal. Just because they’re stupid doesn’t mean they can’t be manipulated by the forces of good. Proof they are infinitely malleable is the Darkside’s easy exploitation of millions by fear alone. Nothing says they won’t respond to logic and compassion.

It could happen. Regardless of whether it’s possible, it must come to pass. It must be.

What I’m trying to say here at the risk of sounding way too rah rah, is that it’s time for every single one of us to do something. Donate, volunteer, talk to your friends, intimidate your neighbors, staple bumper stickers to the heads of the great unwashed. Have parties. Get hookers and strippers to get other hookers and strippers involved. Recruit. Convince and pummel if necessary. Don’t be afraid to throw hands if they get snide on ya. If they’re like that, it’s a lost cause.

Try to hum the Star Spangled Banner to yourself and be sure to show good posture in administration of your duties as a member of the brighter side of things. Be positive and cheerful. Smile. Show them you care.

We always make the mistake of focusing on the fact that there’s so many idiots out there. Nevermind that it’s sad but true. Understand that if they are engaged in a way that smells good to them, they’ll respond with enthusiasm. Barbecues work and so does booze.

Don’t forget less than savory women and cocaine.

The challenge you face is not winning over the mentally disadvantaged, that which you face is about you and your willingness to see this bud of hope flower. To hold it in your hands as it blooms, feeling it’s soft petals strain against your palms and fingers.

That’s what you can expect if you believe.

I am here tonight to implore you elite and sophisticated pricks to take arms. Coddle, cuddle, convince, cajole, coerce, cudgel and calumniate. Do your best and then your worst. Let them know you’re not here to fuck around. Take charge and blame everyone else if necessary.

GO FORTH

Drinks for my friends.

Official brainspank forecast. It’s round two and these bastards have lots to do. What’s Her Name will either do a face plant or impress with a fine batting exhibition.

Gonna go blow by blow again.

Put your tray tables in the upright…………

Guy Smiley (Romney) is up. Lame start. So far no magic in the underwear. Tries to say Washington is liberal with a handful of ridiculous points. He says we need to change Washington from liberal to conservative. It is one of the emptiest, factually challenged speeches I’ve ever heard. He actually said, “opportunity expands……when constitutional freedoms are preserved”. He actually said, “It’s time for the party of big ideas, not the party of big brother”. What the fuck?

Non-co2 producing nuclear energy? Huh?

Republicans believe there is good and evil? Good for them.

More bullshit terror rhetoric. Chants of USA.

Guy Smiley never had a day when he wasn’t proud to be an American. Lord knows I have. I’ve been straight up embarrassed to be an American. Republicans are nothing if not vainglorious.

Romney is exactly a twat.

Next up Huckabee. He’s a crazy bastard but I kinda like him. He says the elite media has unified the Republican party because of their tacky coverage. Does anyone not remember the darling status afforded by the media that McCain has enjoyed for like, ever?

Then he has the balls to make change the mantra of his speech. Now he’s off after less government. Now bloviating about taxes and abortion. Republicans never met a cliche they didn’t like. More POW crap. Praise for the veterans because we all know how Democrats loathe the veterans.

I love how they all rail against big government. The United States Government has never been bigger or more inept. Not a single mention thus far, tonight or last night, of Dumbya. Hmmmmm…………. methinks they doth protest too much.

Less empty seats tonight.

Fuck me, Skeletor (Guiliani) is up next. I’m sort of looking forward to him telling some real whoppers.

Here he comes and unfortunately, he’s not in drag.

He has no lips. He says Hollywood celebrities don’t get to decide. Um, ok. Experience. Ha! McCain is a hero. Sacrifice. P.O.W…..blah, blah, blah.

Makes fun of Our Man’s service as a community organizer. Instead of taking the big bucks? Tries to to say Our Man is somehow indecisive, because of his “present” votes. Realistically, not a bad point.

Calls him a celebrity Senator, without leadership or legislation to speak of. So, Sarah has authored copious tracts of legislation has she? Disingenuous at best. Experience……..blah, blah, blah. Change. Taxes, smaller government, more energy independence accompanied by chants of ‘drill, baby, drill’. Retards.

Terrorism. Sept 11, right on cue. Troop surge. Tries to accuse Our Man of being a flip flopper. Huh. As opposed to Doubtfire? Does he really believe this shit? The mayor of New York City touts the service of Palin as mayor of whatever that jerkwater town is. That’s rich. Think if she wasn’t the presumptive VP, Skeletor would even tolerate her as a stain on his shoe?

Forgive me, but Rudy Guiliani is completely full of shit. He has no lips and is overly fond of dressing like a woman.

Here comes what’s her name. Didn’t even have time for a smoke. She is kinda hot. I like chicks in glasses. Standing O.

She’s poised but if I hear the line about losing an election instead of losing a war one more time, vomit will spray from my nose all over my liberal pinko blouse.

Her son is going to Iraq. Predictable praise for the troops. The daughters, Bristol won’t stand because she’s pregnant, seventeen and her boobs are huge. Then we see Trig (sp?). She kinda milks her family. Pun intended. I guess she’s obligated. Todd (husband) hands Trig (sp?) off so he can stand. The parents stand and they look kinda hip.

Seems like a nice family.

She’s a good speaker. Bristol stands. She’s big. Her mom’s hot. Did I say that or think it? The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick. Not bad.

She does well and goes right after Our Man, they armed her well. She chumps the media. This move always cracks me up but her delivery is spot on.

Michel Martin (NPR) said we underestimate this woman at our peril. Republicans are not smarter than I think, but this woman just may be. She’s good.

She does lie large about the bridge to nowhere.

She lies about her pipeline which goes through Canada.

She does a little foreign policy dance that is over most of their heads. They have no idea what she’s talking about. Stupid white people.

She goes populist, and swings hard. She is the most effective by far produced by her party as a spoiler of Our Man.

Quick to boilerplate and still a marksman. Standard lies and out of context exaggerations. Whatever.

Vicious, aggressive and a goddamn surgical striker. She’s smooth and she’s mean.

She mocks Our Man but pulls it off.

Way too much POW poetry. This is the kind of talk McCain used to shy away from. He avoided it. He shunned it. Now he embraces it and pontificates at length. Ain’t no shame in his game.

She goes long but she never loses them. She’s blown every other speaker off the stage.

And then Doubtfire testifies. Big suprise.

The Republicans have acquitted themselves with an adroit and accurate fist. Gotta say. Well done.

Now, not to drop a steamer in the punch bowl, but kids, try to remember you’re voting for the top of the ticket. No matter what, you’ll be stuck with Doubtfire.

I need to make a point here. In the simplest of terms, people aren’t worth a shit until they’ve had their asses kicked. I don’t trust people who I know, or even sense, have not at least endured some degree of adversity. Myself, I’ve seen some shit, but I doubt it’s enough. I suspect the worst is still on it’s way.

It’s simple really. I don’t see Sarah Palin as someone who’s had her ass handed to her. There’s a certain quality of humility missing. That kind of humility is evident in a dramatic and simultaneously subtle way in Barack Obama.

Sarah Palin is an actress.

Drinks for my friends.

We would do well to understand that the entire world wants Our Man to be President.

It behooves us to understand why. Why they will breathe a sigh of relief once Barack Obama is elected is something we should be keenly aware of. We need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that the interest of the world in our political process is a bad thing.

Why would we think that anyway?

The rest of earth’s people are watching, more than ever before and that’s a very good thing. A very important thing.

See America, this election is far larger than us. The planet is holding it’s breath.

So am I.

Understand that these traditional divisions by which we so willingly seperate ourselves no longer matter. Red or blue, conservative vs. liberal, are concepts that have become obsolete. Barack Obama is an American. He is a citizen of the world. Just like you. Just like me.

This is what the global community hopes we will arrive at. The rest of the world has long since held the competition between our conflicting ideologies to be silly. What wiser Americans hope can be put behind us, is what Our Man said “enough” to tonight.

He had plenty else to say but that’s a chunk of what I got.

Forgive me for being not so concerned about specific positions and pontification on policy when it comes to a campaign speech. He acquitted rather aggressively in that regard and I liked it. In Doubtfire’s face. Right in his pasty sour little face.

Those things however, are better suited to the personal task of actually READING what the candidates have to say on specifics. The onus is still on the individual to do a little homework. Sorry kids, required reading is of both candidates. Think of it as your civic duty; because it is.

Sometimes, someone comes along. That someone ends up being exactly what we need. JFK, MLK and yes LBJ. It happens because of the need instead of the someone. A result of the circumstance as opposed to the man. That’s what Our Man wants us to comprehend. It is a concept that we must go beyond understanding. We need to own it.

He’s trying to tell us it’s not him, it’s us.

What he asks of us is not just to elect him. What he asks is that upon getting that done, we join him in making things right. He is challenging us to help, while he leads. To stand against a military industrial complex that holds an entire planet in it’s grip. To speak truth to power and wield common sense for the common good against plutocracy, theocracy and ideology.

He’s imploring us to pay attention and to participate.

There are two parts to his message. Elect him as a leader and then follow him.

And, maybe get on with the most important task of saving us all.

Boys and girls, better times are ahead if we will only stop being afraid and take matters into our own hands. Stop allowing a media run amok to dictate what you think. Start paying attention and begin to make up your own minds.

“And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.”

“It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.”

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

That’s poetry.

Absolutely had to go there.

Drinks for my friends.

I was troubled after the CNN presentation of interviews with both candidates by the leader of the Saddleback Church, Rick Warren.

Question number one is who is this friendly bastard and why is he here? National Television. An influential religious figure gets this kind of airtime on a cable news network?

All I care to know is he heads a megachurch. The fourth largest in the country. The biggest in the biggest state of California.

So you know, fuck him. Ha! That much power in the venue of God and fear and the fear of God, discredits the man entirely in my book.

Ever seen “There Will Be Blood”?

He seemed nice enough. Some of the questions were compelling.

John “conception” McCain did very well. The bar was low but he succeeded in raising it. You know, they said the same about Dumbya. So yeah, Doubtfire did quite well and that pains me of course. He was direct and resolute. Simple. I imagine he’d just had his cocktail of vitamins and stimulants via the nightly needle.

Our Man was far more conversational and relaxed. Yes, he was nuanced. Profoundly. When he spoke of the humility we must maintain when confronting evil because too much harm has been done in the name of good for example. Eloquent and salient. This guy is good.

The thing is this, that honest and thoughtful shit doesn’t always play in Peoria or Clearwater. That’s a shame.

I’m angry. I’m over having to make room for the stupid, lazy and underinformed. It doesn’t take a genius to see we’re fucked and the group that’s fucking us are all dressed the same with similar haircuts. The codgers all sport the “Doubtfire”. The Dorothy Hamill for the pasty set. Often they look like their pink heads are about to combust under their pale gossamer combovers.

Except the insurgents, they look like us. They talk liberal but vote neocon.

What that is, is talking complex to obfuscate ignorance. Willfull ignorance.

I have empathy for the authentically stupid.

I have disdain for the willfully ignorant. They disgust me. Intellectually dishonest, most likely greedy and dispassionate.

Sometimes it all seems so hopeless.

I talked to two good old friends today. Older and younger by about the same amount. Both very good men. I have a much stronger bond with one of them but it doesn’t matter here. The older was far more pessimistic than my younger friend. I was curious to find myself in the middle. It struck me that chronologically, my veiws were predictable. Typical.

Then I considered the company I was in. That thought became a bit of a revelation. I flirted with epiphany.

It never quite came.

The older said truthfully that we can and always will do worse.

The younger said honestly that he believes we will do better and there is a way.

I have Deja Vu.

Drinks for my friends.

I find myself again in position to beg your indulgence for the day’s most prominent issue.

See, what I can’t quite digest is the idea that somehow Our Man’s biggest liability has become his charisma. The great unwashed have been convinced to be suspicious of Obama’s incredible gravity.

They pay no time or mind to why he’s in possession of such copious magnetism. What the hopeful see in him. They have yet to ask themselves exactly why he is so special.

Instead, they choose to impugn him for it. Millions of knees jerking in unison.

Ignorant fucks.

Why?

Fear.

Fear of the unfamiliar. Fear of anything they have been too afraid to attempt to understand.

Cowardice. The real sissies in America are the intellectually incurious. They hide behind it to be judgmental and intolerant.

Fuck me if that isn’t silly. Ignorance as shield is no excuse.

An open mind does not make one more vulnerable. It does make one far more likely to be enlightened.

Like compulsory probing by my tongue of a sore in my mouth, I can’t seem to help checking things twice.

I don’t understand why other people don’t do that. It’s simple. And the world is a huge ass canker.

Maybe these idiots aren’t suffering from the advanced, potentially cancerous scurvy Dick-in-Bush have left us liberals with. It’s a conspiracy!

It’s either that or they’re really stupid. Or both.

If you’re considering voting for McCain, I don’t doubt you’re among at least half of the people discussed in this blog and you may just be a complete idiot.

After all, I hear they can make “pancakes tapdance”. -Paul Mooney

Drinks for my friends.

I want to talk to all of you but I don’t know why. I don’t think I’m lonely, I don’t get lonely.

Boredom. That’s it.

I’ve rediscovered the IFC and Sundance channels.

My life is kinda on pause. I’m waiting for things. Things I anticipate will transpire soon. I’ll be allowed to do more things. In the meantime, I should probably take out the trash.

When I was a kid, I was pretty good friends with a guy who went on to murder another man’s wife and then himself. I really liked him. Very cool and he never took things too seriously. Mike Walsh.

My memories are so vivid, I wonder if the atrophy of my senses with age is the reason life seems so two dimensional sometimes.

I’m watching the original Halloween on the IFC. The acting is but a single layer of corrugated cardboard, it plumbs the depth of cheese. I love this shit. Mike Walsh was crazy about it. He said it scared the fuck out of him the first time he saw it.

He strangled the married woman, went home and stuck a gun in his mouth.

I babysat some kids for a couple on my parent’s bowling team once. I actually lost track of the little girl. They were wrong to trust me, I was too young. I really can’t remember how it turned out so it must not have been that bad. They paid me.

I like hanging plants.

Remember when Bob Dole ran? That shit was funny.

I adore William Shatner.

I’m enamored of a full bustline.

I’m at the age where the decision to get drunk has become a walk in the park.

I finished the first draft of my novel. I’m having difficulty. It’s done but it haunts me. It haunted me while I was writing it; it is very dark and violent. There seems to be a lot left over.

I’m gonna have to start another one.

We’re a hundred days out from the general election. A glance at the electoral college map tells me we’re sitting kinda pretty. Oh boy. I’m hopeful. I’m cautiously optimistic. I have confidence. I’m not trying to forecast a blowout, but I believe the electorate has but one sensible choice.

It does speak volumes about America that this anything but a done deal. Whenever I think I don’t understand it, the weight of comprehension forces me to the ground face first and tries to hog tie me. In a time when I’m not allowed to take more than eight ounces of toothapste in a ziploc bag with non-negotiable dimensions on a commercial flight, freezer bags make much better sense for travel, it seems ridiculous.

Or does it?

No, it doesn’t. Very little public awareness, much less rage, over the recent FISA bill passed into law. Near zero attention paid to the demise of the Posse Comitatus Act. The Clear Skies initiative, No Child Left Behind. What I’m pointing out here is the plethora of things the average American doesn’t know shit about.

Never heard of it.

The media is complicit and that frustrates me, but nothing chaps my ass more than the laziness and apathy of the average citizen.

We live in a time when any excuse for being underinformed is fucking lame. Dandelion Salad, Truthout, The Huffington Post, The Daily Show even CNN. In less time than Bowflex would have you believe it takes to look like a superhero each day, you can be well informed.

I beseech you. As a liberal, I encourage you to study, to learn, to fucking pay attention.

Now I understand if you’re reading this, it’s not likely you’re an unapologetic dipshit.

Maybe you know a few. That brings us to the point. Engage them. Gently. Be friendly. Non confontational.

Remind them we’re not after the guns. Enlighten them by being personally opposed to abortion but point out it will happen anyway so let’s just keep the coat hangers out of it.

If they seem receptive, float a few more balloons. Agree that at the very least, healthcare is too goddamn expensive. Remind them how insane gas is and that the banks are beginning to look like dominos.

Once you have the pony at the watering hole, casually toss out the war thing. Point out it’s ten billion a month and we’re kinda fucked over here. After that, you’re on your own.

Remember, the first goal of any salesman is to make friends.

Drinks for my friends.

This my territory, so I’ve posted my response first. The blog I’m responding too appears at the bottom:

I am saddened that such a clearly intelligent man has succumbed to fear and propaganda.

You say:
“I am tired of liberals who see only negativity in America; racism in her people, class warfare in her society, and flaws in her character.”

Do you imagine these things don’t exist? They do. For many, they are a part of everyday existence. A fact of life. You’re a white Christian Republican male, you will have to look outside yourself to see these phenomena. Burst your bubble my friend. It takes some courage but we can never come together unless you’re willing to see the world objectively. You’ll need to remove yourself from the equation to accomplish this.

We liberals are way ahead of you in that regard.

You say:
“I am deeply troubled by the Democratic Party which nominated John Kerry, whose qualifications revolved around labeling the honorable men and women who fought in the Vietnam War (58,000 of whom gave their lives in that action) as murderers, rapists and war criminals.”

Do you posit these things never occured? They did. He wasn’t labeling all of them, he was pointing it out. Many “incidents” are documented. They were horrifying. America fucked up. It’s embarrassing that you are only able to define Kerry in those terms. Is that really all you allowed yourself to see?

You imply we liberals are godless and lazy, unwilling to work and hate America. You are not only guilty of generalizing and stereotyping, but of drinking the neoconservative Kool-Aid.

I have worked hard my whole life. Had my own business at thirteen. Managed a restaurant at seventeen and was a recording engineer/producer by age twenty eight. Triple platinum by thirty one. Now finishing my first novel. And I don’t believe in your God.

Thank you for a genuine example of ingorance, bias and baseless piety.

Forgive me. Believe it or not, it doesn’t serve me to attack you as an individual. I’m actually fairly certain you are a good and decent man. It’s the ideology you so enthusiastically embrace and foment that I strive to to tear apart. It is false and wrong and the catalyst for evil on a level we have never seen in this country.

You say:
“I still pray that God will open the eyes of those ill-informed members of our society who, either through ignorance or deliberate malice, repeatedly attack and belittle those of us who believe in self-empowerment for all. I am grateful to have lived in a nation that gave me the freedom of self-determination and the right to benefit from my own personal achievements.

News Flash. I believe sincerely in self empowerment for all and I’m grateful to live in a country that has provided me with the freedom to pursue self determination and feel fortunate to have benifitted from personal achievment. I just don’t buy into your God.

Please wake up and look around.

**************************************************************************************************

His blog in it’s entirety:

Ask most any member of the main stream media elite, and a growing number of high school and college students, along with their teachers and professors, “What is a Republican?” and the response will likely include words such as, “greedy, self-centered, motivated only by money, unconcerned for the environment, the poor, and everyone they exploit.”

I am none of those things; I am simply a man who is proud of his country, and it’s hard-won heritage of liberty and justice for all. My own father fought two world wars to preserve freedom, and died at an early age as a result.

So, what is a Republican? I can only speak for myself.

I went to work at age 12, joined the Navy at 17, and went to war at 18. I started my own business at age 25 and worked 70, 80 and sometimes 100 hours a week for years, risking everything I had – including my health – to secure a better future for myself and my family. My own blood, sweat and tears made it possible for me to provide a secure living, not only for my family and myself, but also for literally hundreds of employees through the years, who in turn were able to buy their own homes, raise their own families, and give back to their communities and their country.

I am a Christian who loves God and his church, and who was taught to respect all religions whose teachings are based in love, peace and charity. I believe that God blessed this country because of the principles upon which it was founded. If you doubt God’s blessings still happen in today’s world, you need only look into the face of one who has received them.

I am a father who believes in the sanctity of marriage and the preservation of the family. I believe in the sanctity of life and am repulsed by the political left who pander for votes at the expense of the unborn. I am disgusted with the courts who rightly call the murder of a pregnant woman a double homicide, and then declare that the murder of an unborn baby is a constitutionally protected “woman’s right to choose.”

I am proud that our President expresses a belief in God; proud to have voted for a President who understands – politically incorrect tho’ it may be – that there is evil in this world. For the sake of all people everywhere, that evil must be confronted, and it must be defeated. I take comfort in the knowledge that our President refuses to allow decisions concerning the security of this nation to be governed by the political whims of foreign governments.

I understand that the terrorist attacks that murdered thousands of my fellow Americans can happen again. That’s why I sincerely believe America needs, now more than ever, a President who sees with a clear and focused vision and who speaks with a voice that – when heard by friend or foe – is understood, respected and believed.

I am eternally grateful to Ronald Reagan for speaking out against Communism and for having the courage of his convictions in leading the fight to defeat it; and to George W. Bush, who – in spite of the constant, vicious, personal and political attacks both he and his family have been forced to endure – has demonstrated uncommon vision, courage, conviction and leadership in America’s war against Islamic Global Jihad.

I am tired of liberals who see only negativity in America; racism in her people, class warfare in her society, and flaws in her character. I am also fed up with politicians who, when held up to public scrutiny, divert attention from their own personal, political and legislative failures by accusing their opponents of “mudslinging” and using negative attack ads.

I am deeply troubled by the Democratic Party which nominated John Kerry, whose qualifications revolved around labeling the honorable men and women who fought in the Vietnam War (58,000 of whom gave their lives in that action) as murderers, rapists and war criminals. That same Democratic Party has now embraced Barack Obama, another Harvard liberal elitist whose only claim to fame is that he was a Communist organizer and a member of a black separatist church for twenty years.

I still pray that God will open the eyes of those ill-informed members of our society who, either through ignorance or deliberate malice, repeatedly attack and belittle those of us who believe in self-empowerment for all. I am grateful to have lived in a nation that gave me the freedom of self-determination and the right to benefit from my own personal achievements.

I am blessed to be an American, and proud to be a Republican.

Today was a dark day in the great state of California. The dreaded marriage of faggots, dykes and lezbos was allowed to commence. What have we done? The venerated institution of marriage has been soiled. Shat upon by liberals and sissy lovers. Next thing you know, they’ll be marrying their pets or monkeys (I’ll be polygamist).

Woe is us.

David Lee Roth once said of this state something like, they tipped the map and everyone with a screw loose rolled to the left coast. As an agnostic, I just need to say, thank God I live here.

The same institution that until early last century legally posited a woman was a man’s property upon betrothal. The same institution that forbade the matrimony of an African American to one of European extraction until even later. The same institution that fails utterly and completely, at least half the time, with the carnage of children in it’s wake. The same institution that was the catalyst for delivering redneck bigots to the polls for the last Presidential contest in drooling, knuckle dragging packs.

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, pause for the laugh track, “decried the decision as a typical case of judicial activism in which the court overrode the will of the people. Too bad, the Family Research Council actually fought to have the will of the majority overturned when “the people of Oregon passed a law authorizing voluntary assisted suicide for the terminally ill.” -The Daily Fuel

What a tool. It was allowed because the California Supreme Court declared it unconstitutional. Hey Tony, keep your Jesus off my penis.

Now it’s going to be on the ballot. Again.

We have seen numerous examples in our nation’s history where the “will of the people” isn’t necessarily congruent with justice, compassion or fairness. This issue, in my mind, is overwhelmingly elementary. Homosexuality is congenital. It therefore belongs exclusively to the context of civil rights. Period. Next?

I’m reasonably certain most who would deny this civil right to their fellow human, have never even known, tried or wanted to know a gay person. What would they find if they did? They would discover, other than sexual preference, they are just like the rest of us. Some good, some bad, but almost all having the capacity for love, unless it was beaten out of them by some racist homophobe who’s masculinity was threatened.

The news was juxtaposed with footage of a lesbian couple that had been together since Ike was President, gingerly slicing a wedding cake. How cool, and just what the fuck is wrong with that?

I understand the terrible engine behind this idiocy combusts on fear and ignorance. What I don’t understand is what there is to be so afraid of.

I’m grateful time seems able to slowly but deliberately render discrimination obsolete as it’s practitioners are driven into shame filled closets of their own. Prisoners of their own device.

Drinks for my friends.

There are times, like now, when you people amaze me.

Self righteous liberals can be a pain in the ass.

I supported arguably, the longest shot Democrats had to offer for the nomination. Dennis Kucinich, my Little Paste Eater. I wrote about him for months. I hoped. His message was pristine. I agreed with him on everything. We disagreed on nothing.

I’m a liberal juggernaut and so is Mr. Kucinich.

I felt all who supported Dennis could afford to do so. It was the first quarter and the grass was green. We had political will and capital to spend. At the very least we could have a hand in steering the dialog towards what was true. Plenty of room for optimism.

It was early. Absolute truth was contagious.

“No I want you to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin’ beer!” -Frank Booth, Blue Velvet

Eventually, we came to understand that our man was not to be. We went our seperate ways. I leaned into Edwards. Many of us did. It became apparent this hope would not bear fruit either. The pragmatic among us made another necessary, albeit painful, adjustment.

Turns out, we were right.

I threw myself and my rhetoric behind Obama without regret. He’s a good man. If you’re a regular reader, you’re aware of my conviction. No hesitation. He is what we need.

What I simply cannot wrap my brain around is you people who stubbornly, foolishly, behave as though ships sail off the edge of our world to this day. You who believe somehow that Nader, Paul or Gravel will magically discover the ability to make pigs fly out of the asses of the electorate.

Seriously, what’re you people smoking?

We have but one shot here. It is do or die to keep a bumbling idiot like McCain from marching us towards disaster of biblical proportions. This is no time for ideological naivete. This is it.

Really. Knock it the fuck off. You’re not helping anything or anybody.

I will make no apologies for our man Obama’s imperfections at this point. Too late and entirely beside the point. It has long since ceased to be about guys like Nader et al.

The wisest course is to get him elected and not let up for a heartbeat. Change, you bastards. That is why he is here and that’s why we are here. That is why we will not go gentle into that goodnight. It is why we will no longer fail to open our mouths. It is why they will end up confused after failing to shut us up.

If we’re lucky, someday men like Nader will show up in well worn shoes and people will listen. Men like Kucinich will speak of the constitution and America will pay attention. We have a chance at being what we once were. Too much zeal is likely to cost us the first step.

Put away your toys kids and get your heads in this game.

Don’t make me have to tell you again. Don’t make me stop this car.

Drinks for my friends.

Bill says his Pantsuit is actually winning the election.

He says it’s being covered up.

He’s so good, I buy it ’til I think about it.

I wasn’t aware of any of it. So help me Jesus.

We got a bleeder. The Clinton Dynasty is bleeding out. They flop and smack on tile wet with blood. It’s gruesome and disgusting. Sometimes I hear a bone crack.

Pete Townshend once remarked that it was time for The Who to dissolve before they became “parodies of themselves”.

Not a day passes without the Clintons embarrassing themselves further.

A burlesque, more vulgar every time I look.

I know this, they’d be the first I’d hire for pest control.

They keep prostrating themselves on the national stage, it may be the only gig they can get. What to do with these two? They’re like unruly children screaming and crying in the aisles at a bad neighborhood Target.

My ass would be sitting alone in the car with the windows cracked.

Where’s the vanity? Where’s the pride?

It’s easy enough to be amused but I can’t help taking offense. I may not have ever had more respect for a prominent couple than I did Bill and Hillary.

Waitaminute! Donny & Marie.

Really, I liked them. I respected them. Bill Clinton wasn’t perfect and I’m not thinking of Monica when I say that. I’m thinking of things like NAFTA, etc. Yet we prospered, vast tracts of land were set aside for protection, we had a surplus and the world liked us as much as they we going to. Oil was under thirty bucks a barrel.

Big Bad Bill became Sweet William after his Presidency. He rocked tsunami relief. He was both the carburator and computer chip on a hot running, philanthropic, V-12 engine in Africa. Hills was the whipsmart/hardworking Senator from New York who’d earned respect on both sides of the gully. Then his VP got an Oscar and the goddamn Nobel. They were the good guys.

At this point, the Clintons are just sand in the Vaseline.

With all due respect Hillary, your stumbles on the trail and the shit that’s come out of your mouth along the way, is all the evidence I need. I can say objectively and with all sincerity, that you no longer belong in this race. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been saying it for a while.

Hard to watch.

Every triple digit IQ in this country is hoping the meeting on the thirty first is at least conclusive enough for you to understand it’s time to put on a pair of jeans and some flip flops. The pantsuit looks stupid and desperate. Change your uniform. Walk the other direction. Fucking skip.

The good news is there’s new low fat/ low sodium ramen noodles on the market. Makes it ok to add butter and salt. I bought some. Haven’t tried them yet. I’ll let you know.

Drinks for my friends.

Kentucky and Oregon vote tomorrow. She’ll take the hillbillies, he’ll take the hippies. The song remains the same, but our man edges ever closer and she can’t do the math.

At least she shows these days without handfulls of odiferant fecal matter/compost. No cheap shots lately. She understands she needs to stop being a vicious unethical bitch, bat her eyes and bring a nice bottle to dinner if she’s gonna get a juicy cabinet post or be prospected for assistant manager.

Warren Buffett, evil man and also the world’s richest, endorsed Senator Obama today. You don’t get to be that rich without blood on your hands. Bill Gates is doing everything he can for extra credit. Has he endorsed yet?

Ok, good. You know the most senior member of the US Senate and former “Exalted Cyclops” of the kkk, Robert Byrd endorsed our man today. Uh, both weird and cool. Kinda big too. I respect Mr. Byrd, despite his past.

Endorsements I’d like to see:

1. Colin Powell

2. David Letterman

3. Is there a union, besides MENSA for smart people who pay attention? If so, them.

4. Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. Despite being dead, they could sway a number of dumb old white people.

5. Oprah. Wait.

6. Gene and Paul from KISS. They connect well with the mullets. We need them.

7. The Beastie Boyz. Tremendous Jew factor.

8. Lee Majors. More mullets and lots more stupid people.

9. Cronkite still alive?

10. Furnell Chapman. He’s black too. Excellent toupee.

11. Bob Dole.

12. Big Jim Slade.

13. The tide. Wait. The ocean and the moon.

14. The Big Lebowski.

15. Brainspank. Wait.

16. Is there a union for really stupid people besides the NRA?

17. Who’s got a mint?

18. Any remote test facility.

19. Kraft. Cheese. Any Kraft product with cheese.

20. True Blooded.

It is time for the pantsuit to walk. She’s a deficit to the campaign for a Democratic Whitehouse. She flirts with absurdity and her butt looks big cause her ass pockets are stuffed with opprobrium. Take a goddamn pill, you’ve made your point. We see through you. Take a walk lady. Take a goddamn walk. Pull the fork from your back and take Big Bad Bill to an island somewhere. Get drunk and hoover him. Call Chelsea. Take pictures.

Come back and work like the demon you are for our man. Turn Bill and Chelsea loose. It’s the right thing.

Just do it.

Anyone remember Bella Abzug?

Drinks for my friends.

We now know that the Attorney General of the United States of America is a goddamn liar. Last week, James Comey detailed a mad dash he made to beat Gonzales and Andrew Card to one seriously ill John Ashcroft’s bedside to give him the heads up.

See, Comey was the acting AG at the time and he beat the Whitehouse Chief of Staff and the Whitehouse Counsel to the hospital. Ashcroft and Comey agreed that Dick-in-Bush were indeed breaking the law, they had been for two and a half years.

Then the Frothing Blackhats entered stage right. They commenced to vociferously and with elaborate indignity demand a reversal of the Judicial check to the Executive imbalance

Ashcroft and Comey were in agreement and they told the Blackhats to piss up a fucking rope.

Ha! Ashcroft, that crazy wierd little bastard has principles. Who knew?

Oh and, Comey had Robert Mueller with him. Mueller was the director of the FBI and he was a bit of a right wing jackass. He was there to insure that Comey not be removed. The Head Cheese of The Effa-Bee-Eye had sided with Ashcroft and Comey against the Whitehouse.

***********************************************************************

Ladies and Gentlemen:

There has been a slight emergency, a very minor constitutional crisis if you will. We just need to insure that there are no more hard right, rich neoconservatives left in the theater.

Ok, good. They’re all gone.

The lights stop flashing. The alarms go silent.

Enjoy the film.

The venue dims and we see Barbara Streisand working in an abortion clinic.

The theater fills with smoke and then flame. The liberals wail like children. Like little girls.

We now return you to our regularly…………..

************************************************************************

The date that law required the document to be endorsed passed. The Whitehouse informed the Department of Justice that it was going ahead with it’s now officially illegal domestic spying program.

See, the Blackhat Gang are headed up by Pa Cheney and Ma Rove and there’s not a mad fuck between them when it comes to what Americans need, what’s best for us or what our WILL is. They just don’t care.

What happened next was inspiringly crazy. With balls the size of casabas wrought from an alloy so pure as to allow each pair to clang in key, our heroes walked in stride and formed a chord.

Ashcroft, Mueller, Comey and various members of their respective staffs made it clear that they were willing to shoot it out with the Blackhat Gang. They did so by threatening to resign and therefore, talk about why they walked.

Are our cowboys heroes? Nope. They’d all been fitted for and owned at least one very Black hat. They were members of the Gang. What they did was turn ‘Yella’.

Should we be grateful?

You fuckin-A we should.

And that lying Prick Gonzales, said there was no internecine conflict or debate even, over an issue that is certainly among the most important in our history. He is dissonant. Tone deaf.

All of the Blackhats are deaf or damn near. That’s why they talk so loud.

Drinks for my friends.

I’M SO SORRY FOR THE SANDWICH I’VE CAUSED YOU.

You know, maybe I put too much faith in intelligence. It has always been paramount to me. I think I’ve become naive about it.

I understand a lot of smart people possess a capacity for compassion that borders on the sublime. Yet, some of the smartest people to walk this world have been brutes.

Somehow, I’ve always given the intelligent ones a pass. With ethics and morals, it’s probably fifty fifty on a good day no matter how you codify the masses. Lower if you’re Christian. Ha!

The human population is an organ of the Earth.

The pendulum swings from conservative to kinda populist liberal every 7-10 years in this country. The United States is an organ of the world.

I don’t even want to go into which organ we are because it’s full of cancer.

Anyway. Perhaps good and evil are the same. They, the two prevailing social doctrines, are not static. They ebb and flow and subscribe to their own cycle.

Forgive me, I’m moving pretty fast, I just don’t want to belabor the point.

Therefore, so do all the individual organisms everywhere. Humans, for example, are reasonably complex and it goes with out saying that we all have our own clock.

Yes, I think I’ve observed this on an individual level of late, for the last few years actually. I worry about the amount of dark I see instead of light among humans.

I would imagine anyone paying attention hasn’t missed the the way of the world and the earth, lapping at the conscious.

Despite what I’ve seen just lately, my gut tells me that the pendulum is weightless. At it’s apogee, the very glimpse of time between the end of one arc and the beginning of another. So, perhaps what I’ve observed lately, is not what it will be soon. I hope.

I’m just sayin’.

Drinks for my friends.