American eyes
I’m a proud American. I’m a patriot. Love it or leave it. Don’t you dare criticize. What other reason could you possibly have for objecting to wiretapping and surveillance unless you got something to hide?
Hell, I ain’t worried.
Like I said, I’m a patriot and I love my country.
Fisa can blow me, it always goes south when appointed judges stick their progressive dicks in it. Liberal judges legislating from the bench are not needed in these circumstances. Our government is just trying to protect us. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re there for.
If you can’t trust them, who can you trust?
Liberals need to relax while patriots can feel good about it.
Sure, I smoked a little dope when I was younger, beat up the occasional sissy. That was years ago. I’m a Born Again, so I love everybody now. I say let people do what they want. Within reason. Less government.
Dangerous times call for extreme measures and there’s no more dangerous times than now. The Arabs and the terrorists hate us for our freedom and want to kill us. Islam is a violent and hateful religion. They’re all crazy, you can’t talk to them. Fucking ragheads. Why don’t they just leave us alone? What did we ever do to them?
If it ain’t Communism it’s some Godless sandnigger religion. They say Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim. It wouldn’t suprise me. He’s the most liberal member of the Senate you know. He’s friends with terrorists who would kill our own. Sounds to me like he’s one cousin removed from hating America.
What are people thinking? A black Muslim terrorist for President? Over my dead body. It’s why there’s that amendment that let’s us keep our guns. He wants to spread the wealth and that’s socialism. It’s pinko. Every American has the same opportunity, depends on what you do with it.
God created us equal, it says so in the Bible.
Don’t come to me if you’re a crack smoking welfare mom. I work. Don’t cry to me about your son getting involved in gangs. Get him a job. Put his ass to work. I work for a living.
Some of my good friends are blacks. Nice people but I didn’t own them or beat them. What do they want from me? It just so happens, they’re black and I’m white. It’s like I should regret being caucasian. Why should I feel guilt for the way I was born?
If you ask me, the only way to solve the mess is to nuke the whole Godforsaken region. Turn all that sand into glass. Iran too. Let God sort ’em out. Trust in God.
Goddamn right we need change. We’re in a real crisis. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Outsourcing. Fuckin gas through the roof. Liberals want to blame the white man. The American businessman. Good honest Christians who are being taxed and regulated to death for just trying to make a buck and go to church on Sunday in decent clothes.
Leave these people alone so they can create jobs and save this country. They are heroes. They deserve and need that tax break.
All these foreigners need to speak American. Say the Pledge every day including “under God” and respect our God, the one this great nation was founded on. A Christian God.
Why is that too much to ask? A little respect, you know? This is the greatest country in the world. Take off your hat and put your hand over your heart when our anthem gets played.
Call me a redneck, I don’t care because maybe that’s what I am. I love my country and I love Jesus Christ. He was a carpenter you know.
I gotta tell ya just because “Joe The Plumber” isn’t a plumber and his name’s not Joe and he can’t afford to buy the business he works for, doesn’t mean he isn’t Joe Sixpack and a regular American with the same problems we all have.
The Bible says an eye for an eye and that’s why abortion doctors sometimes reap what they’ve sown. I don’t condone it but I understand. Even if it’s rape, it’s not up to us to decide. I mean, a life is a life. The bible says so. Unless of course, if that life has taken another, or sold dope, or is a traitor or a terrorist. Face it, what better deterrent is there than the death penalty?
People should understand that we’ll kill them if they screw up in America. Justice should be swift and mighty. Every war, including this one we’re in now, is for justice and truth and democracy. Even when it’s really hard, America does the right thing. Always.
You know, W. is a good man. He made a few mistakes. All Presidents do. Nobody’s perfect. He cares about us. I feel it. He’s a good man. I’d really like to have a beer with him. I bet he’s friendly and regular. Cheney’s a little spooky but he’s just the brains of the operation.
So whatever about the gays. It’s a choice and there are consequences. We all pay a price for bad decisions and that’s one of the great things about America. Accountability. No way will this American stand for faggots who want to soil the Christian institution of marriage. It’s holy and sacred. Can’t you people just leave it alone? What difference could it possibly make in their lives and their futures?
It’s a symbol. That’s why they want it so bad. It’s just silly.
Show me a homosexual and I’ll show you a liberal. Wanna bet?
It’s like they think it will make them legitimate somehow. Uh, not in the eyes of this patriot.
In a lot of ways, it’s like the French. We saved their asses in The Big One. What have they ever done for us besides sneer and act like we’re bullies and brutes? Overcharge us for wine and cheese. Ingrates. Why do we bother?
Those countries that sell their oil to the Chinese instead of us; it might be time to introduce them to the United States Navy.
McCain fought to save us from communism. He’s got my vote because he’s a genuine hero. This Sarah Palin is sassy and real and they’re both mavericks. I like that. I don’t care how smart Obama is. That’s not was this is about. I’ve always been suspicious of book learning as opposed to street smarts. This guy Obama eats arugula and fish eggs. He went to Harvard. I think his wife did too.
Tea with a pinky out.
By the way, Michelle Obama has been ashamed of America. Only recently proud. Can you believe this shit? Now what does America, the best country in the world, have to be ashamed of?
You know what else bothers me? What does it say to the rest of the world if America elects an African American Muslim for President? The world respects us. We are the example. America is the bar. There’s a ton of responsibility there and we’re gonna be held accountable.
The one thing I can agree with the liberals about is the idea that this country has it’s head in the shitter.
We can’t afford this second guessing and insecurity when it comes too choosing our leaders. A man with over two decades in the Senate. A man who’s crashed four airplanes and is still with us. A woman who shoots moose. A woman who’s been both Mayor and Governor of the wilderness. Both these Americans are patriots.
A woman who doesn’t break a sweat while spending more than twice what most American’s make in a year on two months worth of clothes. She wants to look good for us.
A man who’s not afraid to call his wife a “cunt” in public.
Drinks for my friends.
$150k for Palin’s wardrobe is lipstick on a Carp
Despite her claim that she’s an ordinary hockey mom and all the disingenuous bullshit about Joe The Plumber, I’m not sure I can be bothered to care any less. Ridiculous. Whatever.
Maybe it’s appropriate, after all, among the Republican base are loads of rich white CEO’s and ignorant fuckin rednecks with an unparalleled sense of fashion.
It is a shame that twelve days before the most important political contest of our lifetime, such as this plays so prevalent a role beneath the proscenium. This sort of thing really is below us. It’s so very small. Stupid and small.
It does speak to her being a very bad actor.
What is salient, is Moosewoman’s consistent lack of understanding for the role and official duties of the office she seeks.
“But also, they’re in charge of the United States Senate, so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes,” she added, in comments that contradicted the separation-of-powers principle enshrined in the US constitution. -AFP
Sheezus.
No matter how much makeup they trowel onto this self confessed pitbull, they’ll never be able to disguise the truth of how unfit she is for the job and just how woefully unprepared she is to ever be President.
She charged her state per diem when at home in bed. Charged her state for her entire family’s travel and accommodations. She altered expense reports to cover it. We’re talking about a sum of money here. A real Cinderella story.
An independent body without a tooth in it’s head found her guilty of breaching ethics and abuse of power.
Don’t even mention vaginitis. Or clam dip.
She sucks from every angle. Dumb and dirty. A Governor of Alaska does not a player in the Show make. Junior varsity at best.
Ever had clams on a pizza? If you’re local, try it at Damiano’s on Fairfax. Um, with garlic.
Yes, the decision you’re about make, the vote you’re about to cast, should be about the top of the ticket. Despicably, our attention is drawn to a Clown Princess*. If only she were a solid, somehow distinguished public servant with reputation and intellect enough for us to believe she’s able to steer steadily through some goddamn violent water.
No one really believes she is remotely capable. Maybe Bay Buchanan or Michele Bachmann. Crazy bitches both. Lying to themselves. And the ignorant. The Great Unwashed. They’re everywhere.
Someone like Dan Quayle would be perfect.
Did I mention Doubtfire is super fucking old?
Look for trouble on the day in Virginia. A source tells me Diebold has a firm grip there and there’s no paper trail to be had. Despite where we are in the polls, my optimism is cautious and ultimately mitigated by foolish optimism of days gone by.
I’ve watched the Darkside win the swordfight too many times.
These fuckers have no problem with ugly.
My source warns me about Florida and Pennsylvania too. No shit. Watch for it.
Market tanked again yesterday. Big suprise. Still searching for the bottom. I think it’s close. No telling how long we’ll have to feed there. Probably gonna be awhile.
“Don’t trust the appleman
He always lies
Don’t trust the appleman
He’ll watch you die” -Agnes Gooch
Drinks for my friends.
*getting carried away with nicknames
Lowering the bar
Politics no less interesting today than any other day. No reason to write about it. Not today anyway.
Who cares?
Except the socialist thing. You’ve got be fucking kidding me. Three quarters of these asshats don’t know what the word means. Most of them couldn’t spell it. See, Americans hear words like that and a certain number are preprogrammed to hear anything from communist to dictator.
More than a few hear faggot, homo and pinko.
Once again they play to the stupid, the ignorant, with words. Just words. The stupid are just that. Hopelessly vulnerable. Game birds on a reserve with clipped wings.
Richard Bruce Cheney standing there with the barrel of a twenty gauge up on his shoulder. Banging him in the head as sucks his flask though it were a golden teat. The front of his pants stained by his own piss.
Guess what happens next?
Anyway, my day sucked. The bloody fruit on top of the shit sundae was a good old friend treating my as though I were an idiot. Painful.
Now I’m furious.
Wierd when people spin on you like that. The lessons I’m learning by doing business with friends and colleagues are eye opening. There is no real glory in sales. It can be interesting and without a doubt challenging. It’s often ugly.
I was in a meeting last week where some guy they all respected was there to school us on sales techniques. He had some seven or eight point plan. To be fair, I walked in, in the middle.
It wasn’t why I was in my monkey costume that day. I was there on business. I had shit to do.
I both like and respect the big man. If I can make this work it will be a good fit. The big man, he’s a monster, requests my presence in this sales meeting, so there I am. The guy conducting made some points but there was much about him that made me want to wash my hands.
Again in fairness, I’m a compulsive hand washer.
Such a difference between pitching and closing on the phone and the art of the same in person. I don’t doubt I can do it but I’m not sure how eager I am.
I’ve got an ally and a mentor who gives me as much time as I need. He rocks. We understand each other. He brings a full tool box, loans me whatever I need. He has only one testicle.
Television:
“The Mentalist” -CBS
Crime scene. Some genius figures out there’s a secret safe room, finds the remote, figures out the code and finds the body in like the first two minutes. And he’s cheeky. Next.
I end up on a preseason Laker game against Charlotte. Both benches on the floor. I like basketball. Not tonight.
I turn the sound off. That works.
I understand there’s no good news in my mailbox, so I rarely check it.
My cat keeps peeing on my comforter.
My ass is broke.
I learned from television tonight that everyone has a nice house and a totally pimp office/work enviroment. I’m thinking this phenomena must be a big part of the current financial clusterfuck. They all seem to work in the public sector. They’ve all got huge ultra modern apartments and then they go home to a hidden rustic winery.
How can we afford that?
Throw three or four handfuls of baby peas (fresh or frozen) in with two cans of cream of mushroom soup along with a half can or so of tuna packed in oil, but strain the oil, some butter, sea salt, garlic powder and a fresh ground five pepper blend. Simmer depending on the peas (fresh or frozen) over low heat. Garnish with some shavings of parmesan and thinly sliced scallions. Serve in a shallow bowl.
Or. Grow some labia and chop a few tablespoons of shallots and sautee them in butter. Maybe toss in a few slivered almonds or pine nuts. A few spoonfulls from that can of tuna right before you add a glug of cheap dry white wine and set it to boil. Boil the wine almost completely off. Look for just a hint of crispiness on the nuts and translucence from the shallots. With any luck you’ve charred a little tuna. Add pepper and dill. Crank the heat down and stir consistently after adding the Campbells and peas.
Salt to taste bitch.
A shallow bowl.
A small plate of fresh white saltines and lemon slices sprinkled with capers and paprika. Or a fresh crusty bread with olive oil and a sweet vinegar.
Pour a decent blanc de blanc, pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc.
Touch your naughty bits.
Stuff your ears with moist cornmeal and drink whiskey through your nose.
Remind me to tell you about the guy on the balcony just now. I believe he was a foreigner, perhaps a terrorist.
Drinks for my friends.
Barack Hussein Obama -by J
Oct 22, 2008 2:42 PM
Barack Hussein Obama
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda
There! I said it, Barack Hussein Obama, and I’ll keep on saying it. Why?
I read Cynic’s blog yesterday, and I realized that I have been guilty of having a negative view of a lot of things. After all, what’s in a name?
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda
I’ll tell you what’s in a name, especially in a name like Barack Hussein Obama. It sounds like a Muslim name, doesn’t it? Kind of like Mohammad. I wonder how many Mohammads there are in America, that are “Real Americans”? How many Americans, born and raised in America, in the United States Army are named Mohammad?
My point, and I better get to quickly, is that if we, Americans can elect a person named Barack Hussein Obama as president of the United States of America, then we will be telling the world that America is back.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda
The rest of the world will know that we fear no one. That America is a melting pot, not just of White Conservative Christians, but of all people.
From the sonnet, “The New Colossus” by Emma Lazarus, as inscribed on the interior of the pedestal at the Statue of Liberty
“Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset hates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lighting, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
I want the people of the world to continue to come to America, those that are “yearning to breathe free!”
I want America to solve the worlds problems, and I don’t care if they are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or Wicca. White, Brown, Yellow, Red, I don’t care. All I do care about is that we, Americans, continue to create new solutions to the growing problems our world faces. From power to climate, the only way America will continue to be relevant is to create the solutions the world needs.
So yea, I’m voting for Barack Hussein Obama for president of the United States of America, and I am damn proud of it because I am not afraid, I’m an American!
Had enough of the politics that would divide us?
J
So here we are
Two weeks to go.
“The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he’s driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.” -Cake
Limbaugh has rendered judgement, he’s determined that Colin Powell’s decision to both endorse and vote for Barack Obama is entirely about race. Despite Secretary Powell’s rather eloquent and thoughtful oratory on the matter, Rush Limbaugh, The Human Shitsmear*, has unilaterally declared a Four Star General, Former head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Former Secretary of State, Colin Powell, to be fool enough to only see the color of a man’s skin. Fuck you Mr. Limbaugh, your days as a right wing clown entertainer are almost at an end.
Desperation on the part of McCain Palin has devolved, as predicted, into racism, fear mongering and lies with enough girth and mass to cast a damp an ominous shadow. It’s disgusting and reprehensible. It is not however, what I genuinely fear.
What I fear most is larceny. Twice, America has seen the Presidential election wrested from it’s hands by brazen zealots masquerading as mid-level election officials. Citizens assumed they were there to serve at our pleasure and protect us from the very thing they perpetrated. Katherine Harris and Kenneth Blackwell. Florida and Ohio respectively. Republican insurgents. American Traitors.
Fucking google them.
Understand the balance of power in this once great nation is more important to those who control it than you can possibly imagine. They will do anything. Whatever it takes, to exert prerogative and ultimately hold sway over the precariously fragile and all important sum of influence. Not merely in corridors hallowed, but in your minds and evil willing, your soul. They will blacken it as much as you let them.
Forgive me but Michele Bachmann has kaleidoscope eyes. She’s fucking Stepford spooky to a degree that makes Cindy look Fisher Price. I wish a pox on her campaign. Pustules on her supporters. Man I hope she loses her seat. I hear her opponent’s coffers are spilling over due to her recent windfall of ignorant fuckery. Wanna bet she goes away for a few weeks?
Two women, poignant examples of blackened, horribly charred souls. If you’re a regular reader, you know of at least a few more. Ann Coulter still draws breath. It’s getting ugly out there. Watch your back and pay attention.
Understand that I’m making fun. I do so because I can’t help it.
If it makes you laugh, it’s because it’s true.
See what I’m saying?
Drinks for my friends.
*new nickname alert
A hit piece and a suprise ending
When the going gets weird, the wierd turn pro.
Dedicated to the memory of HST.
This whole thing is about to be a screaming, hungry, five year old nihilist with a full and oozing diaper, in a Burger King, sporting a flamethrower as well as a bleeding ass rash. It’s about to get regoddamndiculous up in here. Wait! Add swarming cockroaches. Rednecks and roundheads will go full tilt boogie as they realize they are going to lose their country to gasp! Liberals and a negro.
Let us hope that is the worst of it.
Yesterday, Doubtfire went after Our Man for outing Joe The Plumber and invading his privacy. You’ve got be fucking kidding me. I got nothing here. Not true, I have lots. Nothing usable though. Vitriol and utter open mouthed incredulity. Flames and super powers. Fucking fucks. The only thing I have to say is, who’s the idiot here? Him or you? Maybe Joe the Plumber? All of the above.
Yup, Nailed it.
My microwave has a whale in it. Sounds like that anyway.
I wanted to let you know that Michele Bachmann is a shameless cunt. Congresswoman from the sixth district of Minnesota. I’ve watched her on various networks spewing the worst kind of smack you can imagine in a painful Fargoesque, Minnesota dialect not unlike Moosewoman’s. She smiles and her grin is toxic. Venom and caustic fluid flood her bottom lip only to hang in snot like threads from her chin.
I’ve rarely been witness to such stupid coming from such an ugly human mouth.
“The issue before the American people is……Sarah Palin and her qualification, She easily has more qualifications than Senator Biden and Senator Obama put together if you look at executive experience, she’s been in an executive position for TWO YEARS” – Michele Bachmann on Larry King Live
Alaska ranks forty eighth in population, even when the territories are counted. Nobody lives there.
I bet I could learn to run the 7-11 in two days.
“Bachmann on Friday told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews that Barack Obama is not the only anti-American member of Congress. “The news media should do a penetrating exposé and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an exposé like that,” she said.” -dumpbachmann.blogspot.com
Can you say Joe McCarthy? I gleefully share with you that to date, her opponent, El Tinklenberg, unfortunate name aside, has raised nearly half a million dollars as a result of Bachmann’s splendorous stupidity.
Here’s more:
“[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she’s just trying to save the planet,” Bachmann told the right-wing news site OneNewsNow. “We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet — we didn’t need Nancy Pelosi to do that.” -TPM
On the gay community and same-sex marriage: “This is a very serious matter, because it is our children who are the prize for this community, they are specifically targeting our children.” — Senator Michele Bachmann, appearing as guest on radio program “Prophetic Views Behind The News”, hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM, March 20, 2004.
“Yesterday in a House hearing on the financial crisis, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) spoke on what caused the situation. To make her point, she read from an article called “How A Clinton-Era Rule Rewrite Made Subprime Crisis Inevitable,” written by Terry Jones in the right-wing publication Investor’s Business Daily.
The article criticizes the Community Reinvestment Act (CRA) for pushing “Fannie and Freddie to aggressively lend to minority communities.” Jones goes on to say that Clinton was misguided to push “homeownership as a way to open the door for blacks and other minorities to enter the middle class.” -thinkprogress.org
Like this shit is Clinton’s and black people’s fault.
See a pattern? It’s like Republicans welcome women as leaders, so long as they show potential for beauty queen of the right wing. Lockstep demagoguery. Douchebaggery. Counter to their very interests as a vagina owners. I guess they be whacky Christians first and foremost.
Oh my.
Can I tell you I just had an image of Cindy Stepford McCain going all cougar on Ann Coulter? I swear I’m not gay. I just had to wash my hands.
I am a carbon based being. So are most of my friends.
There’s more than a few among us that are based upon another element. Silocone? Like the Horta from the original Star Trek. Not like us at all. Rolling, emotional pizzas, longing for mother and in tremendous pain. Silicone based life forms.
That shit’s not right.
If feces were among the elements listed on the Periodic Table, I suspect one would need look no further.
Concentration of wealth.
“Redistribution of wealth” is what they sing about these days. An awesome example of opposite day, counter truth and pure bullshit. They piss and moan and lament that it’s socialism. Couldn’t it theoretically be the redistribution of our wealth back to us?
The literal intent of Republicans and Neoconservatives has been exactly that. The concentration of wealth. No more dramatic in world history than the last six years. Trust me, it’s true. Don’t make me do the math because I damn well will.
I can’t toss a pebble without finding exemplary ripple, proof, of what has been taken from us and distributed among the wealthy. The Middle Class is an endangered species. Like it or not, everyone needs the Middle Class. A republic cannot thrive or even survive without a robust but ordinary, honest and hard working majority. We are way too top heavy and beginning to lean trepidatiously.
I may have made that last word up.
Unfortunately, Hell hath seen the fury of America’s middle class and frankly, from Beelzebub on down, they aren’t impressed. Yet.
There is gorgeous irony in the Republicans lamenting voter fraud and elitism. Cause for rage when they throw RACE into the mix. Fuck these fucking ignorant cracker clueless bastards that haven’t been able to taste or even smell the shit sandwich they’ve been gnawing on for the last eight years.
Fools.
This shit is ridiculous.
***Now, pay attention. There is a reason I’m about to tell what I’m about to tell you and I get to it before the end.***
I began writing this particular blog on Friday evening. I spent some time on it last night with the intention of finishing this evening. Most of you are are no doubt aware, a typical impetus for my writing is quite often disgust. I do a lot of name calling, often employ crude and vulgar analogy, both in the interest of levity and entertainment. It’s cathartic, but all in the spirit of good clean fun.
Never have I remotely suggested physical harm be visited upon those whom I choose to rail against.
At least I hope not and if I did I bet it was funny.
You should also know that I have the ability to censor any and all comments left on brainspank. I’ve always chosen to let people say anything they like, utilizing the function exclusively to eliminate spam. I welcome dissent. I actually wish more people would disagree with me.
Since launching brainspank in December of last year, there has been only one exception to this. An individual calling himself “Trueblood” became so hateful, incendiary, vicious and alarmingly bigoted, I was forced to consider deleting his comments. I was torn, so like a true coward, I left it for my readers to decide.
It was unanimous, everyone who weighed in thought I should censor this guy. Since then, that’s exactly what I’ve done.
Predictably, the tenor of Trueblood’s comments devolved into pure hatred and threats of a personal nature. Whatever, I’m a big boy. I went on deleting and ignoring them and he eventually faded away. Today I recieved another message from Trueblood and I must admit, it gave me serious pause. So much so, I had to actually stop and give serious thought as to how to handle it.
One of the reasons I tolerated Trueblood for the time I did was I believed it was in the interest of my readers to see first hand that these kinds of people are out there. I’m allowing his comment this time around for that reason and for one far more important. To expose this individual to the authorities. First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll be contacting the Secret Service and providing them with his e-mail address etc. Up to them to determine whether he’s committed a crime, I cannot in good conscience, decide for myself that he should go unnoticed.
His specific words today and his pattern of behavior in the past, lead me to wonder just how imbalanced this guy is. I do know he’s dancing at the edge of both fear and rage.
For now, you can find his exact words in the comments of my last blog entitled “It’s True” posted on October Seventeen.
I wouldn’t mind hearing from you all on this.
By the way, former Secretary of State Colin Powell threw his weight behind Our Man today. Thought I’d leave you on a positive note.
Drinks for my friends.
It’s true
Doubtfire was indeed funnier and somehow more caustic than Our Man at the Alfred E. Smith thing. He did very well. Props. His jokes were better, his timing superior and his sword sharper. Very funny.
Reminded me of the McCain I had reason to admire some eight years ago before he was beaten and left to die by the side of the road at the hands of the neoconservative trifecta of Rove and Dick-in-Bush.
He understands he’s got nothing to lose. Poor bastard.
It seems insane to me that I considered voting for him then. I did though, I thought about it. I remember standing in the shower considering it. We Democrats are silly like that, all pie in the sky for logic, sensibility and integrity.
Maybe that’s who he was back then, I don’t know.
History will see tonight as a dignified swan song. A brief whiff of the man he used to be. Sweet to be reminded of a man who has since lost his way. Well, kinda.
Our Man did just fine. Somewhat more self deprecating, a bit more humility, a blade not as sharp and ultimately less funny. Oh well. Can’t win ’em all. Water under the bridge.
Man I want this to be over. There is so much to be done. So much needs to be jerked from the now and put right for the future. Our future. Time is wasting. Atrophy. Deterioration and effects deleterious. Players and clowns and people not serious. Oh, the humanity.
Joe The Plumber, who’s not a plumber, evinced by Doubtfire twenty one times last night. Not a plumber, under a tax lien and not enough capital to buy a business worth only about a hundred thousand dollars. He would actually benefit from Obama’s tax plan.
It get’s worse. He compared Our Man to Sammy Davis Jr., yeah, his tap dancing skills. On top of all that, he looks to me like Joe Sixpack and Madame Skinhead procreated. Say it ain’t so Joe!
Good God you people are fucking stupid. It’s like when you’re really baked, you’re not sure if you said it or thought it.
I’m sure I saw it.
“It perfectly sums up the entire mythos that this conservative populisms functions on……….there’s this tremendous gap between the mythical creature “Joe The Plumber” and the actual real life guy. It shows that the modern Republican party etc……..are so much more invested in a caricature of ordinariness than they are in actual real life ordinariny people…..” – Christopher Hayes, Washington Editor of the Nation magazine on MSNBC with Keith Olbermann.
I think this brand of obfusicatory bullshit should serve as McFuckstain’s actual reckless and desperate legacy. Just like Dumbya and all the rest of the flat earthers. Begone you fucks. Enough is a fucking nuff.
And you thought I was gonna be nice.
Drinks for my friends.
That one does better than the other one, big suprise
The DOW down seven hundred thirty points today. Uh huh.
CNN says Doubtfire won the first half hour. I have a bridge for sale. When the gate opened, he stuttered and the ball fell to the floor. He drooled a little and recovered, but c’mon.
Cool calm and composed was Our Man. Nice. Substance long. We did fine.
Doubtfire actually looked at Our Man this time and engaged him. Best he’s done so far. Still, far less specifics and far more boiler plate bullshit stump rhetoric spewed by McCain than Obama. The “he’ll raise you taxes and I won’t” crap.
Frustrating in light of Obama pointing out over and over that his plan calls for cuts for nintey five percent of us. It’s like Doubtfire has pockets full of dead horses. Turns out he does. Poor bastard.
Forgive me the anger of what you are about to receive.
McCain takes upon himself to label Our Man’s tax policies “class warfare”. Were he to say that sitting next to me at a table I’d have swung for his mouth hard. The most massive redistribution of wealth in history has taken place under this administration and guess where the fucking money went? Check your goddamn pockets. After knocking him from his chair I’d be yelling and probably kicking. I’d be screaming words like AIG, Keating, Haliburton and Exxon/Mobile. This particular kind of egregious double contrary speak makes we want to go fucking nuclear. Fuck you McFuckstain, that’s a lie.
Anyway.
McCain’s hatchet and scalpel analogy was damn good. Props. That would be excellent.
Ayers and Acorn flatlined and Joe The Plumber was far from a game changer.
Either his legs or his lungs failed him. It’s fair to say that he stumbled upon his own energy crisis. He has neither the wit nor the wherewithal to keep pace with this Man of Ours.
The Ohio undecided focus group (UM’s*), hosted by CNN said it was that one, over the other one, by fifteen to ten. Yup. The first CNN polls are pretty wide and I’m done with all punditry at 8:23 pm.
It was the most interesting and entertaining of all the Presidential debates. McCain swinging harder than ever but never finding much more than air. He just couldn’t connect. Obama was smooth, extraordinarily skilled and athletic. Doubtfire acknowledged it a couple times by remarking on his eloquence. He did so with a sneer and it cost him. John McCain is an arrogant prick and people see it.
Today CNN’s electoral map shows Obama all but locked down for 277 electoral votes? 270 is the majority. Ahem.
David Gergen said in answering the question what does Mcain do now, answered, “Beat’s the hell out of me”. Big laughs. The Bootlicker threw the best he had and it wasn’t good enough. He went on to advise that Doubtfire should begin working to stop the Republican loss of blood in the House and the Senate, get positive on the economy and lose the Bill Ayers obfuscation tactic.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Small, because most of you know or at least suspect. A lot of things being promised by either man, hoped for and aspired to, are not realistic. Probably not possible. Very unlikely. My focus is and has always been, on the intelligence and capability of the individual who would lead us out of this magnificent clusterfuck.
I am more secure than ever, that I and most Americans will ultimately do right by ourselves when it comes to these two men. Given the state of our Republic and of the rest of the world, I feel about as good as I possibly can about what is likely to happen next. I am pleased.
“Um’s” (unaccompanied minors)*, you know, independents and undecideds, will break for Obama. Not by a wide margin, but it will be more than enough to carry the day. Yes, that was an official brainspank prediction. We will know by midnight our time.
Here’s a keen and salient observation on my part. Their heads. They are opposite in shape. Doubtfire’s is bottom heavy. Fatty jowls vs. a rather sizable upper cranium. I’m just saying.
Seriously, who’s your Daddy?
Drinks for my friends.
*new nick name or nomenclature
The wild blue yonder.
So the market rebounded dramatically today.
Again, I’m no economist.
I am here to testify that common sense can and must be applied to every situation. So, at the risk of sounding pessimistic, I say so what?
Paul Krugman won the Nobel for economics today. He’s sure Dumbya is a retard.
Volatility IS the problem. Inconsistency IS the nemesis. Symptomatic of emotional instability on a foundation that is rotting. Eroding. Today we witnessed some euphoric sentimentalism. The economy is bipolar, perhaps even schizophrenic. At this point, it climbs hills only to tumble down the other side.
Common sense indicates to me that the market has yet to find bottom and the gains of today won’t mean dick within a month. Irrational exuberance. Denial ain’t just a river, it’s the season and the reason for the vulgarity of most things these days.
An economic clusterfuck years in the making is far from vulnerable to a single magic bullet no matter how pure the silver of the slug. Such precipitous decline cannot be undone or even mitigated by one day of activity on The Dow; hardly the Holy Grail of economic indicators.
Unemployment flirts with nine percent in places like Ohio. Auto stocks at a fifty year low. Record foreclosures and markets across the world reeling, careening. We keep talking about the cash we’re going to throw at the fan but we simply don’t have any and metric tons of shit have already hit that same fan. What little paper we can gather will probably just stick.
The hangover has just begun. America has regained a tenuous purchase on consciousness only to learn that even the hair on our head aches with vengeance and what may be the cause of our awakening is the oxygen from the respirator or the fact that our balls itch like mad.
I’m sorry to tell you that we’re still screwed nine ways to Sunday and from hell to breakfast. Drastic measures are no less vital than they were last week.
Sooner or later the fan will have to be cleaned.
By the way, why’s the NYSE open on Columbus Day? Even the banks were closed in recognition of the Grand Pooh Bah champion of revisionist history. Columbus Day is a mere symbol of American douchebaggery. By most accounts, Columbus tortured, raped and pillaged his new world. Amerigo Vespucci most likely discovered or at least recognized North America and guys like Leif Ericson were here a half a millenium before.
Let us not forget the rightful owners, the indigenous, the native Americans whom we would spend centuries slaughtering while cramming Christianity down upon. Today I drink to them.
Whatever.
I’m still excited about Our Man and he’s doing better everyday. Hope and Change. He offers nuanced and reasonably rich conversation on our economy. He is cool and consistent. Wisdom, restraint, discipline. By contrast, McCain is an ugly sightless carp half out of the pan and flopping while a blind eye burns. Talk of firing staff three weeks before the election.
Even I have to confess that despite the quality of Barack’s ideas, there seems to be little talk of how they will be funded. I don’t expect him too get too specific as he’s already talking over a lot of American heads, but I sure would feel better if he would just tell everybody our ass is broke and this is gonna suck for a month or so of your least favorite day of the week.
I would welcome that honesty from Doubtfire as well.
Sooner or later the fan will have to be cleaned.
Fuck me, everyone should be saying it. Do they think it’s a secret?
Drinks for my friends.
The weight of ideas
My girls sit on each arm of my couch, grooming. Benevolence. They could not be more opposite. Physically, temperamentally, even how we interact and the ways they tell me what they need or want. You’re never alone if you have pets.
I’ve let the nail on my left thumb grow. It weighs an outrageous amount. Subject to subtle surges of gravity. I can’t wait to clip it but I understand exactly why I’ve let it go this long. It offends me. I hate it. I can’t help it. My arm tingles with the anticipation of eliminating it. Sometimes at night, the thumb aches from it’s weight.
I must do it now. Right now. I loathe it. The need for relief from the mass I’ve allowed for has reached past solvency. One compulsion usurps another.
Giant, pastel green grasshoppers suddenly suffer mass abdominal explosions, yielding orange flavored Tick Tacks as soft and sticky shrapnel. Barely any sound.
I’ve done it. I’m lighter. Didn’t wait until I got outside. Sheared it off over the kitchen sink with giant steel toe incisors. Not sure the nail is short enough but I’m relieved. It was a wet fish I stuffed into my pants on purpose. Ocular organs of grasshoppers crisping and popping underneath my eye teeth. Ants and mosquitos mingle in my gullet sharing heartburn. They dance in my colon and I shit like a goose.
I need a shower.
Cindy Stepford McCain is creepy. She’s powered by yellowcake uranium. Just look at her eyes. She trips the lights fantastic with Lucifer hisownself.
The roof of my mouth bothers me. I could feel that nail in my mouth and nose. It made the tops of my feet itch; I almost wore a hole in one last night.
I lean back to discover The Gurry right next to me. She is flawless and wise. I rub her head just how she likes. If I’m afforded an afterlife she will be there. I’m hoping she’ll finally talk to me, I want to ask her about her moods and if she really was watching TV all those times. Beddy will tell me really bad jokes about latin homosexuals. The Bean will moderate while wearing those half glasses. Can’t wait to see her.
Men and women are so different it’s often tragic.
I wonder how far I could leave life behind while still being able to stay connected. I ask myself this question and realize I’m halfway there.
I just need cable, high speed internet and groceries conveniently accessible, all from a lower than alpine region. The side of a not too steep mountain. Ideally, a fresh source of water within a walkable distance. A well. A generator. Some solar panels. Plenty of tools. Morphine. Lots of beans and pickled vegetables.
Sometimes, I understand the need to surrender to certain things to be at peace.
I should go to bed but my dreams will have their way with me.
A fix of apathy is needed. It’s usually pretty easy to come by. Not today.
I know why I’m in this mood but I’m not gonna tell you about it. Nothing I can’t solve, get over or get through.
Bitches can’t hold they smoke, that’s what it is.
“I tell them there’s no hurry, I’m just sitting here doing time.
I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll.
No longer riding on the marry-go-round.
I just had to let it go.
I just had to let it go.
I just had to let it goooooo.” -John Lennon
A chihuahua has dominated the box office for two weekends and that Russian rocket is way cooler than our Saturn Five. Russian rockets are way cooler and more sinister than American rockets.
Fall is here, it’s my favorite season. Candles, fireplaces and deciduous trees in the San Fernando Valley.
Clarity is a commodity in every grand prize. At least it should be.
I think I need to walk it back a little.
Drinks for my friends.
Mortgages, Troopergate and Flea Medication -By Josh
Sunday, October 12, 2008 – 1:49 PM
Mortgages, Troopergate and Flea Medication
Politicians and commentators on both sides of the political divide have predictably used the current financial crisis to bash their opponents. Democrats point fingers at the Bush Administration, while Republicans blame Democratic lawmakers who ignored calls to rein in Fannie and Freddie. Some blame Alan Greenspan. Others blame predatory lenders.
The truth is there is plenty of blame to go around, and there has been a complete failure of leadership from both political parties. But rather than comb through the minutiae of what went wrong and figure out just who to blame for what, I believe my cats can actually be more instructive than all of the talking-heads on TV.
I am the proud owner of two lovely one-year-old female cats. They are indoor animals and had never been exposed to biting insects prior to last week. I took the girls on their first road-trip to visit my family in New York, and they came back itching like mad. They had picked up a nasty case of fleas.
I was advised by a friend to get Frontline flea medication, so I went to the local supermarket. When I got to the pet aisle I was unable to find Frontline, but there were flea products offered by Sergeant and Hartz. I figured flea medication is flea medication, so I bought the Sergeant product.
Over the next two days the cats’ condition got significantly worse. They were scratching even more than before and were shaking and twitching, so I called my vet. When I told her that I had used the Sergeant product, she told me that I needed to bathe my cats immediately, since the product was toxic to cats. In addition, she said, it doesn’t kill fleas.
I was understandably shocked to hear this news. I’ve bought plenty of products before that don’t work, but I couldn’t believe that a product specifically designed for cats could be toxic to cats. When I did some research online, I discovered that there are numerous cases of people who have had similar experiences. Many pet owners recounted experiences in which Sergeant and Hartz products caused skin irritation, foaming at the mouth, convulsions, and even death. Both companies have received numerous complaints about their products, but rather than fix them, they simply responded by adding a warning to the packaging advising pet owners to contact their veterinarian in the event of an allergic reaction.
Now, I could call the FDA and do some research to find out why such products are on the shelves in the first place, but when I thought about it I realized the explanation is obvious. Sergeant and Hartz are both big corporations with deep pockets, while individual pet owners don’t have the resources to compete in the influence-peddling game in Washington. Therefore these corporations are free to put poison in a bottle and sell it as flea medication, and those who suffer the consequences are just shit out of luck.
It goes without saying that not all claims in advertisements are true. There are different degrees of untruth in advertising. Sometimes the falsehoods are inconsequential, as in the case of a diner that untruthfully advertises the “world’s best coffee”. Other times the untruths can be more harmful, as in the case of my cats. However, regardless of whether there are harmful consequences, the fact is that the public understands that it is being lied to on a regular basis. This may be more harmful in the long-run than any faulty or dangerous product. When we learn to live with untruthfulness, the consequences are dangerous and wide-ranging.
The degree to which the public has become used to being lied to has been on a noticeable upswing in recent years. The signs of this are everywhere. For example, I recently noticed that the “small print” (or “fast talking”) in radio advertisements now sometimes comes before, rather than after, the commercials. Fast talking was always a joke anyway, since it was too quickly spoken to be properly understood, but apparently marketing executives realized that they could guarantee incomprehension by putting it before the commercial so that the listener doesn’t even know what product it refers to. Obviously the advertisers are legally required to disclose this information, but they have become increasingly adept at following the letter of the law while violating its spirit.
The increasing deceptiveness of the American marketplace is one of the leading causes of the financial meltdown. For years I would listen to radio advertisements claiming that homeowners could “save” money by using subprime, rather than conventional, mortgages. The “savings” referred to the hundreds of dollars per month that borrowers didn’t have to pay in the early years of a loan. What the advertisements didn’t mention was that the up-front “savings” came at the cost of ruinous payments in later years. The purveyors of these products were allowed to lie to the public about their toxic products, make a quick buck, and leave the resulting mess to the American taxpayer.
At issue is a principle that is central to a free-market economy – i.e. caveat emptor, or “buyer beware”. Since it would be impossible for the government to monitor and regulate the claims of every company in America, it is thought that the burden ought to fall to consumers to educate themselves and make informed decisions. According to the principle of caveat emptor, it was my responsibility to research pet products to ensure that I didn’t end up putting poison on my cats.
Of course, we acknowledge that there must be limits to the application of caveat emptor. It would obviously not be OK for a company to sell cyanide pills and advertise them as vitamins. But we don’t need to have a government department in charge of going to every diner that claims to have the “world’s best coffee” and fining them if they don’t actually have the world’s best coffee. In a democratic, capitalist society, we must always be balancing our freedoms with the demands of public safety. Unfortunately, at a time when most Americans understand that our own President lies to us on a regular basis, this delicate balance has been thrown badly off-kilter, and millions of homeowners, pets, and others are suffering the consequences.
The presidential campaign is no exception to the increasing trend of untruthfulness. There are endless lies and half-truths told by politicians from both parties – from Hillary Clinton’s sniper fire in Bosnia to John McCain’s claims that the streets of Baghdad are safe. It has gotten to the point where we expect and accept the fact that our leaders are lying to us.
Case in point is Sarah Palin’s alleged opposition to the Bridge To Nowhere. Palin burst onto the national scene claiming to be an opponent of corruption and pork-barrel spending. She repeated over and over again that she had said “thanks, but no thanks” to the bridge. When the details of the bridge project came to light, it became clear that Palin had actually supported the project until it became a national emblem of wasteful spending, at which point she reversed her position. During her interview with Charles Gibson, she was basically forced to admit that her professed opposition to the project was untrue. The truly amazing part, though, is what happened next. Palin returned to the campaign trail and continued to trumpet the “thanks, but no thanks” line as if the interview with Gibson had never happened. Caveat emptor.
Another example of Palin’s embrace of caveat emptor is her handling of the Troopergate scandal. When charges originally surfaced that Palin had abused her power by trying to get her former brother-in-law fired from his job as a state trooper, she said she had “nothing to hide” and would fully cooperate with the investigation. In actuality, though, she did everything she could to hamper the investigation, from refusing to testify to setting up her own competing investigatory body. This so-called “maverick” and “reformer” tried every trick in the book to avoid taking responsibility for her own actions and even went so far as to release her own report to contradict the findings of the bipartisan investigatory body that she had “unlawfully abused her authority”. This would be like having the Sergeant Corporation release its own research stating that its products are safe, despite the obvious evidence to the contrary.
Palin, McCain, Bush, Sergeant, and Hartz are all symptoms of a common illness. Rather than refraining from telling lies or removing faulty products from the shelves, the onus is on the individual to separate fact from fiction. Those who are willing to take the time to research things for themselves will be able to make informed decisions, while those who don’t will continue to put poison on their pets and vote for corrupt “reformers” and phony “mavericks”.
The cats are doing fine, by the way…
With grace, the fat lady wrests the microphone from the stand
How ironic and sublimely irresistible is it that McCain has been forced to meliorate this beast of hateful bigotry of his own devise? Yesterday he was forced to disabuse a confused elderly woman of the notion that Our Man was an Arab. Later in the day, he found himself in the position of admitting to a rabid supporter that an Obama Presidency was nothing to be afraid of and that Obama was a “decent family man”.
So ugly and ignorant have his supporters become, they engage with vitriol and flirt with violence. Rampant ignorance and unfounded superstitious dread. A perilous lack of enlightenment.
The vulgarity of racism and slander fomented by the McFuckstain/Moosewoman campaign has with sweet justice, circled round to exact a pound of flesh from the asses of its propagators. Beyond deserved as well as another nail in their cheap box of pine.
The Republican fear machine is collapsing upon itself. They cannot afford to spend time wiping themselves while the damage they’ve wrought morphs into a catalyst for their demise. They’ve been stepping on their dicks since McCain announced Palin. America begins to understand the monster is they and not the behemoth invented by them.
It’s the end of their world as we know it and I feel fine. Fucked from hell to breakfast. I cannot stop smiling.
Then: “Palin violated state ethics law by trying to get her former brother-in-law fired from the state police, a state investigator’s report for the bipartisan Legislative Council concluded Friday.
“Gov. Palin knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissible pressure was placed on several subordinates in order to advance a personal agenda,” the report states.” -CNN
Nail number what, in their flimsy box of pine? My girlfriend and I couldn’t help but overhear a party of people led by an aging actress today at lunch. Familiar to me but I’m not sure from where, she announced to her friends that Palin was no mere Dan Quayle, she pointed out Palin wasn’t just stupid, but evil and dangerous. I couldn’t help but give them a thumb up when they caught me listening.
On the way out they approached our table and an older gentleman offered that the whole mess makes him cry. He used words like tragedy and awful. He said he wasn’t so concerned for himself as he didn’t imagine he had much time left but he worried about us “young people”.
Their passion and sincerity touched my heart profound. They moved us. They wore fear on their faces. A sweet and sobering moment. I told them I thought we’d all be fine, I’m confident the bad guys will lose this time I told them.
This whole thing is a nightmare. The two of us talked about how nice it would be to simply wake up when it’s over. Inauguration day 09.
Poached salmon and field greens with red onion, tomatos, capers, candied lemon slices and a dill dressing. Crab ravioli in a tomato creme sauce, paired with a Honig sauvignon blanc.
Tonight she asked me sarcastically, while watching some feel good movie on cable, why the greedy businessman can’t win once in a while.
I said baby, that only happens in real life.
Later I shat gravy for an hour.
Drinks for my friends.
Soft cell
This is crazy. World markets are convulsing. Lose the image of a spasm. This is flopping on the floor foaming at the mouth crazy epileptic shit. Jam something in the maw to prevent tongue swallowing and pull the furniture away, it’s a grand mal baby.
Dumbya shows up on television like a deer in the headlights. This shit is way over his head.
In concert, banks of the world moved yesterday to simultaneously slash prime by half a percent. That’s five hundred basis points, as a neophyte banker I can tell you that’s a shitload of lucre. Money is traded on a hundredth of a percentile. This level of cooperation is not just huge, it’s completely without precedent.
Still hemorrhaging though. Bleeding badly. The Dow down a hundred eighty nine yesterday and over six hundred seventy points today.
The bottom is around eighty three hundred. Trust me. I have it on good authority. That’s a scary number. I know people who’ve lost everything already. They have no choice but to stay in.
This crisis will lay a finger on every single one of us. If it hasn’t already.
Truth is it has, and it’s not done.
American industry cannot lose forty percent of it’s value without far more than a ripple breaking across the country. It’s a tsunami that will wipe people out. I doubt America will end up a third world nation, but we’ll a see a huge increase in the homeless and poverty in general. Get ready for desperation and panic. Soup lines.
Lots more ugliness on the way.
I almost don’t care what you know. I know what I know. This prick Dumbya inherited a surplus and a balanced budget. We were fine, we were golden. Golden. The thing is, his eyes are way too close together. You can tell by looking at him that he’s stupid. Listen to him and it’s obvious he’s a dumbass.
The proof is in the now bloody pudding. It’s the biggest mess we’ve ever seen. At war in two countries for now at least, and an economy literally eroding by the day. By the day. The American domino keeps on giving as we see world markets slide with increasing velocity towards a pileup that portends to clog arteries major and minor. Asian markets are shitting pants as we speak.
If you voted for Bush, you’re an idiot bordering on asshole. If you intend to vote for McCain, you’re an ingnorant idiot, stupid asshole motherfucker. Despicable and dumb. Clueless and wortheless. The mouth breather at the pump unable to remember a zipcode. When I see you, I hope you haven’t procreated.
I don’t doubt you’re boring.
Certainly, this should command our attention by delivering a focus onto the crisis at hand in context of the Presidential race. McFuckstain and Moosewoman are suddenly delighted to exhume the corpse of a deceased and rotting nag for to flog in public. They do so with eyes bloodshot from venality and a frantic spraying of spittle.
Sheezus.
Ugly. Hard to watch. Dispiriting, demoralizing and ultimately detrimental.
They really should be ashamed, if for no other reason than their naked, vainglorious audacity.
Meanwhile, Our Man continues to exhort on the issues in general and and elucidate on the economy in particular. He remains above it. He attacks with vigor and his strikes are surgical, but always on issue, never personal. I am pleased and inspired. Obama consistently endeavors, despite every low blow, to remain on the high road. He is a class act.
Stewart has fucking Deniro on tonight. How cool is that?
Someone yells “kill him” at an event. McCain says nothing. He calls him “that one” in a nationally televised debate. Discourse off course. Reckless and irresponsible. Amateur hour at the feckless cafe. Farting in public. Blowing your nose over your date’s food. Shit running down your leg.
Fuck these guys. They act like they’re new.
Drinks for my friends.
Well, how’d we do?
I don’t know.
I was looking for more.
No wild swings, no haymakers. Certainly no knockouts.
Our Man was more dignified and in control. The composure of restraint served him well once again. Obama prevailed, but not so clearly or decisively, as last time. A net loss for Doubtfire, the salient reason, he’s behind in the polls and sliding. The onus was clearly on McCain to impress us. Didn’t happen.
The Bootlicker did a lot of flatlining.
I expected and even predicted that Our Man would throw more power punches tonight. I didn’t know then what I know now. He didn’t need to. It’s changed since their last meeting. He is winning.
I don’t mean to impart that I found it less than interesting. It was compelling.
Just talked to my Mother and her sentiment is more or less congruent with mine. She yelled at me for interrupting the post game analysis.
Cindy Stepford McCain said today that Obama has “waged the dirtiest campaign in American history,”. Fascinating. An insane thing to say in light of what the entire McCain family was subjected to at the hands of the unholy trinity of Bush, Rove and Cheney in two thousand. Amusing, in light of Palin’s recent remarks insinuating Our Man is some kind of terrorist.
That statement, by the actual Mrs. Doubtfire, smacks of raw and unmitigated desperation.
Also telling is the fact that McCain walked away when it was over and Our Man and Michelle stayed to engage.
Fresh diaper?
We are in good shape.
I can tell because they’re stepping on their own vagina lips to embarrass themselves. Desperation always smells worse than ass. More like many asses. Like a sewer. It’s why desperation rarely attracts much more than pity.
I need to address something else here. Forgive me, it’s not the first time. The question of why, if Obama is so clearly on the right side of America’s concerns and issues, why isn’t he ahead by twenty points? Economy in the toilet, unpopular war and McCain and his party are entirely culpable. It’s been an underlying theme since the primaries.
Why was it such a barfight for this man to close the deal and knock Hillary the fuck out?
Let’s just forego the requisite polite and feigned naivete here. It’s because he’s black and racism is alive and well here in the greatest country on earth. Were he a white man, it would be over but for the shouting.
The good news is, he appears to have left that brand of blasphemy behind. Not entirely, but you see it.
Indeed, America sees not a black man, certainly not a terrorist or a muslim. America sees a man. A strong, principled, intelligent, capable American man with the courage of his convictions. Congratulations my fellow citizens. The majority of us have seen fit to judge a man based on the content of his character rather than the color of his skin. We have begun to realize a dream, the shape and size of which could propel all human beings further into this century with prosperity and equality unlike we’ve ever seen.
It doesn’t suck that the competition is the Keystone Fucking Cops.
Forgive my enthusiasm. It’s just that the unthinkable is damn near at hand. A shift of this archaic and obsolete paradigm. It looks like we may have had enough. Pretty goddamn exciting if you ask me.
Too bad they had to screw the pooch this violently to even risk losing power. Too bad about the mess Our Man is walking into. Don’t forget, getting elected President is like getting a record deal; not the end all but the very beginning. We hope.
Drinks for my friends.
Behold a pale horse
So it begins.
What a shame.
We were expecting it weren’t we?
They set to sea to plumb the depths for the next twenty eight days. Oh boy. I knew it would piss me off.
Governor Avon Lady* accused Our Man of “palling around with a domestic terrorists”, today. She refers of course, to Bill Ayers.
Our Man served on the same board, that of a charity for public schools. He was chairman. Yes, there were other associations but at the end of the day:
“……the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called “somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.” -NYT
Ayers is currently a respected and esteemed professor at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He’s been praised by Richard M. Daley as a valuable community leader. I would posit that to be a more dubious connection than Ayers to Obama.
We likes us some Daley, his father gave JFK command of the ship.
I hear Moosewoman is attemtping to resurrect the by now rotting corpse that was the Reverend Wright controversy. Yet another pale and very dead horse exhumed for flogging.
Fucking silly.
All painfully obviated in predictability. Easier to foresee than events subsequent to sticking any given digit or protuberance into a household electrical outlet. Just like fucking with the Jack Link’s Sasquatch. Outcome inevitability, off the scale.
Why?
Because on the issues, Doubtfire and What’s Her Name own the political equivalent of not even dick. They have nothing. They do not have dick.
He’s a terrorist, he’s a muslim, he’s a nigger! Good God, run for the hills. Steadfast family values and the enrichment of a small percentage of white people are at stake. Contact your local militia. Don’t talk to any Jews or Black people even if they tell you they’re voting McFuckstain*. Whatever you do, ignore the issues. Don’t tolerate any discussion regarding the economy, the war etc.
The message is clear, our rapidly imploding economy and potential global warfare and strife are not what’s important. What IS important is our way of life, hand in hand with good Christian acts and zero tolerance of anyone remotely different. Without food or gas maybe.
It doesn’t matter that McCain provided enthusiatic oral relief to Charles Keating in exchange for cash and prizes two plus decades after William Ayers protested the Vietnam war. It’s irrelevant that McFuckstain and his champion economic adviser, Phil Gramm, were the self appointed laureates of deregulation.
Here’s what we need to keep our eye on. The next President is going to inherit a ship with sales so tattered, she can barely catch enough wind to steer. A hull so compromised, she rides lower by the day. A crew so demoralized, if they ever see land again, they’ll all find counseling before they look for water.
If you’re among the rare, pink eyed albino undecided voters, you need to study this vessel and who you think can handle preventing it from becoming an aimless spectre. A ghost ship.
So, your skiff is no longer in this regatta. No excuse to throw your vote away. Unfortunately, third party alternatives are still a waste of energy. Now is not the time to stand on principle at the expense of pragmatism. Man up and pick the lesser of two evils. We’ve been doing it for years. This time, one is way less evil, far smarter and far more sincere than the other. A good man that just might change the way we look at ourselves on top of being able to slow or maybe halt this march to madness.
Wouldn’t that be swell?
Do you really want to risk being called a pussy for the next four years while we suffer under the other man flirting with the ethereal? One who will likely cross over into that realm while President, thereby abdicating the chair to a successful Avon Lady? Seriously? Fuck Ron Paul and Ralph Nader. Sheezus.
Let it go.
*New nick-name alert, the first supplied by Bill Maher, the latter hatched by own evil and diseased brain.
Drinks for my friends.
Today is today until tomorrow is today
I came into the world only to discover my head is too big. I’ll come around. It’ll take me a while. I need a bone saw. It’s crazy, I have very broad shoulders. Yet my head is still too big.
Like I’m wearing a helmet.
It doesn’t really bother me. I have big hands and a deep voice. There’s some symmetry there.
Otherwise I seem to be normal. Typical.
That’s where it ends. I’m strange. I’m just fine on my own. For the most part. People like me because I know how to talk to them. The smarter the better, but I do fine either way. I like to sit and think. I don’t know many other people that do that. I understand life gets ever faster and our level of media saturation is invasive and insidious, but I need to sit in silence daily.
To be fair, I know a few who do at least something like turning the sound and fury off for a little while pretty regularly and I seem to get along with them well. I know some who think on their feet almost exclusively and I seem to like them too.
It’s the folks who just can’t be bothered that I have the toughest time with. Sometimes I can’t stand it and that’s just part of it. Sometimes I hate it. It makes it hard to care. People are stupid. The masses frustrate me constantly.
Many of your fellow Americans hate your freedom.
They hate it more than does the Taliban.
*GASP*
These Americans would take your right to free speech, free assembly, freedom from unlawful search and seizure, your right to privacy, your fundamental right to face your accusers, be appraised of the charges against you as well as access to counsel and the entire legal apparatus. I call them willfully ignorant mouth breathing Republicans. They are why Habeas Corpus and Posse Comitatus are empty shells today. They are right across the street.
Anyway, I remember that there are quite a few people I like a lot. Quite a few. I’m no misanthrope. I’m just a little hateful here and there. I can’t suffer fools.
I’m either going to realize my potential or not. It’s getting close. I’d bet on me.
She sings to me. All of the sudden her voice fills my head with a melody so beautiful and delicate I am awe. My mouth is wide open in despair and joy. I don’t make a sound. Who am I and what is this? Now I’m confused by a song.
The world should be painted blue. It’s too much you see? As it is, it’s way too much.
I can’t wait to consume more of it. Greasy kiosk tacos and ancient structures. Cannons, flowers and violent seas. Symphonies and wine. Morning in the forest and afternoon in a meadow.
Figure in concepts like dinosuars and Christianity, along with the Big Bang and love of family and cats. Hitler. Manson. Lobbyists and the greedy bastards they service. Great writers and great thinkers.
She walks back in to my head with a melody. Oh my she can sing. Velvet to gravel and back in a single word. Effortless. Sublime.
As near as I can tell, the closest thing to reality is ice cream. A well known quantity. Predictable, but ice cream always delivers. Soft serve from the drugstore, Häagen-Dazs or any ice cream parlor, ice cream makes the time spent consuming it a little better than it would have been. Always.
The opposite is giant green grashoppers busted open with orange tic tacs coming out. Crazy. I’ve seen and held giant green grasshoppers in my hand. The strength, torque, the thrust of those crazy hindquarters is fucking spooky. Hamsters and gerbils can’t kick or launch like that. I’ve busted them open and seen there eggs spill on the hot concrete too. Disturbing. I fear man sized grasshoppers more than just about any other man sized insect. I loathe bugs. I loathe them.
I had a lovely afternoon. I’m pretty sure I saw Angry John on the sidewalk before I got on the 101. I spent it with my girlfriend and her two daughters. Four and seven and they were delightful. We had lunch. Chicken pot pie, macaroni and cheese, a salad and cherry pie. Watching these two eat and color with crayons and talk to each other and talk to me and their mother is an essay on it’s own.
Walking back to the car, the little one asked for my hand. She talked to me the whole way. She asked me questions and told me about her favorite things and revealed that she’s a little afraid of stairs. I noticed she keeps a hand on the rail in her own house. She danced while her mother and older sister played the piano.
A little out of tune but the best sounding upright I’ve ever heard. It sings. A generous slice of sweet melon on a Sunday afternoon.
Wanna wrestle?
Drinks for my friends.
Blech
Have you told anyone you’d marry them?
I have fond memories of the Easy Bake Oven.
Would you rather live in Alaska, or Texas?
Prison.
Did you mean it when you said “i love you” last?
What I meant was that I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
Your most recent ex REALLY needed you at 3am and you had a way to his/her house would you go?
As long as there was a Taco Bell on the way and I could get like four orders of Pintos N’ Cheese and a grip o’ hot sauce.
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Even if I like you, I fantisize about busting you in the mouth, I can’t help it.
Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and your sure they wont tell?
Children of the 70’s will remember Bugles. A corn chip shaped like a funnel, well now their available with caramel. Sweet AND salty. A real game changer.
What is wrong with you right now?
I can’t stand anybody or anything. I like coleslaw but I’m picky.
Do you plan on kissing the last person you kissed again?
That would be my cat Beddy. She tells excellent jokes about latin homosexuals, so yes.
Do you crack your knuckles?
What I do is boil bowtie pasta in salty water with olive oil, strain it, sprinkle fresh Parmigiano Reggiano and then add the sauce. Maybe some pinenuts sauteed in butter. I pour some decent cab franc.
Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
I’m always at my best. Right now I’m dead sexy. I don’t need much support, I’m barely a B-cup.
Would you kiss someone to make your bf/gf mad?
Or to make her happy.
Can you handle the truth?
Handle it? I spew it. I covet it. I seek it. Bitch.
Did you like anyone last summer?
I loathed everyone I came across.
Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”?
I am the poster child. Seriously.
Ever kissed a blonde haired,blue eyed person?
Yep, she was hotter than Georgia asphalt. There were others but she was so round and ripe. Her name was Charlotte. I called her Charlotte the Harlot.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
Bob Dole.
What did you have for breakfast this morning?
A chicken salad melt on sourdough with cheddar and tomato.
Are you too shy to tell people when you’re developing feelings for them?
I either tell people the truth or what they need to hear, depending on the nature of my relationship with them. Often the truth and what they need to know are the same thing. Hardly ever mutually exclusive. I am however, a salesman.
Do you read horocopes?
What I do is sit on the toilet and blow my nose. Depending on the volume, I then fold it and use it for my first swipe. I’m a conservationist you know. Somewhere in there I may read my horoscope from the latest Hooker Paper. The Hooker Paper is free and right there on the sidewalk in front of the 7-11. America rocks.
Do you tell your mom everything?
Pretty much. She needs to know the truth about me to understand and advise me. She’s in her early seventies and only says “fuck” when she’s talking about Republicans.
Are you enemies with a former friend?
Nope. Former friends do understand they make me sad. The ones that make the saddest I probably won’t speak to again.
Have you ever done something dumb?
Bitches can’t stop staring at me.
Have you ever had the cops called on you?
Yep, by other cops. The Reno cops couldn’t catch us, so they called the Carson cops and they waited for us at the bottom of the hill.
Who was the last person you yelle?d at?
The clerk at the 7-11 until he pointed out the Funyuns.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Sarah Palin.
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Joe Walsh. The chicken melt.
Think of the last person you held hands with, do they mean something to you?
Now I’m annoyed.
What color shirt were you wearing when you last kissed someone?
Dishwater blond. It was made of hair.
Do you remember your kindergarten teachers name?
Mrs. Jenny. First grade Shaw, second grade Springmeyer, third Bobay…….
Would you rather go to a party or go out of town?
A bash in Egypt.
If you could get back in touch with anyone,who would it be?
Jimhead, Daisy, Charlotte?
When was the last time you talked to the last person you kissed?
What possible relevance can this question……….
Whats on your room floor?
My room floor? The floor of my room.
What did you wake up to this morning?
The need to eliminate waste.
Describe your current shirt
Nope. Wait.
It’s more like a blouse. Mariachi kinda. Red. The ruffles look like roses. You should see my pants. My shoes. My hat.
Who were the last people you ate with?
Who eats with people?
When was the last time you felt guilt about something?
Five, maybe ten minutes ago.
When you have kids would you want a boy or a girl first?
Kittens. A basket of them.
What are you doing right now?
Researching Kevin Bacon. Bowling with frozen turkeys. Designing tents.
Are you alone?
We are always alone.
Are you still besties with the same people you were besties with a year ago?
Besties? What am I, twelve?
Have you ever had your heart broken?
I’m going to rub my dick in mustard.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
I’m letting my hair grow.
Talk to any of your exes?
Ever count the number of peas pictured on a can of corn?
If you could go back in time and change things,would you?
I would sterilize mouth breathing Republicans in the fifties and sixties.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Nope.
Do you want to get married?
Nope.
Drinks for my friends.
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, we just may be fucked
This will get ugly quick because Doubtfire has nothing to lose. He’s in the suck and losing ground. It will be painful for a cornucopia of reasons. We’ll actually suffer for the inevitable shift of focus further away from legitimate issues and onto complete bullshit.
It’s gonna really piss me off. I can tell.
At issue and as example, something like a hundred and fifty nine thousand jobs lost last month alone. Double the average of monthly losses this year. This is very bad news. Think about it. That’s twice the number you saw packing the stadium in Denver for Barack’s speech at the DNC.
Understand, we need a net gain of somewhere between a hundred and a hundred fifty thousand jobs a month to sustain the zero sum game that accommodates nothing more than population growth and newly elligible workers. Assume this means men and women eighteen and up.
What I’m getting at here is this month alone, the actual net job loss was more like two hundred and fifty to three hundred thousand. See, now we’re talking about three, almost four times the people in that stadium.
That’s a shitload of lives.
Don’t forget to add that figure to every monthly job loss report this year. It effectively doubles the figure of seven hundred fifty thousand so far, to about one and a half million jobs lost this year alone. Conservative estimate.
Ten thousand foreclosures a day.
We are in very serious trouble.
Can you hear me now?
Don’t forget the number of Boomers retiring and therefore acquiescing to a fixed income and the rite of passage into drawing from social security, medicare, medicaid etc. To be clear, they’ve paid into these programs their whole lives. They deserve every damn dollar. The Republicans hate these programs and call them “entitlements”. Just like they call their jihad against the average citizen being able to sue the shit out of a major corporation for punitive AND actual damages, “tort reform”. When they whine about “frivolous lawsuits”, they really mean we shouldn’t be able to take the rich to court.
I hate them. I see John Boehner. I hate that guy.
We are hopelessly entangled in wars and caught up in the gears of countless foreign policy debacles. Ten billion a month in Iraq on credit and we’re still obstinate enough to pick fights. No wonder the World thinks we’re assholes.
Whatever.
Still, the contest for our next President is up in the air. Obama’s numbers continue to encourage, but Americans are fickle and stupid. I will never again underestimate the average American’s ability to do the dumb thing.
Our Man will prevail and that’s good, but I shudder at the toxic hazard he inherits. I worry that unless he’s got spheres hanging, of beautifully sculptured cubic zirconia, he’ll end up with the blame for a country rent asunder, the fall of The American Empire. He may ultimately preside over our demise.
I’d still pick him for that. Who better?
McCain would end up a puddle of melted crayons. Maybe a cheap roadside firework.
I loathe that the best choice we’ve had for President in a very long time is to be bequeathed such fragile, dangerous and explosive wreckage. Hard to believe he wants the job at all. I do think he wants it for the right reasons.
In turn, I believe McCain either wants it for reasons he doesn’t understand or, more likely, reasons that are not in America’s best interest. I’m trying to tell you that he’s more than a little crazy. He scares me and his laugh is fucking creepy.
Sarah Palin is not merely an empty suit. She is handsome pinstripes, expensive wool of Italian design, floating in the vacuum of space.
She sucks.
This man, Our Man, might just be able to lead us from the desert. I believe it’s in him so long as it is in us.
Drinks for my friends.
Debatey debate VP freaky styley
This following portion of tonights blog is written live:
I find that realtime graph alternately compelling and distracting. Chicks vs. Dudes. It’s interesting when and where they converge and diverge. I wish I could turn it off though.
She’s doing well. She lies but she’s composed, articulate and informed. Biden’s facts are far more in order. He spanks her on Iraq.
She’s poised and pivots well. Biden’s jabs are stiff with facts but that’s as hard as he swings.
Fuck me, she can’t pronounce “nuclear”. Just like Dumbya. Hate us for our freedoms. Sheezus. Interesting how she flatlines on the graph here. She can’t compete with Biden on foreign policy.
I hate this Israel shit. We are paying in spades for our support of Israel. This teacher’s pet shit has to end.
If she says the word Maverick again, I’m going to punch my own ballsack. I can’t get get past that she can’t say nuclear.
She’s clearly been to school since she hung with Couric. Tempe been berry berry good to What’s Her Name. Her folksy schtick makes me want to crap a greasy rodent. She swerves and ducks. She even milks McCain’s P.O.W. history.
She says “team of Mavericks”. I punch myself in the balls so hard, I projectile vomit with a volume and velocity so volcanic that my cat’s flee and building security rings my doorbell like a claxon. I rip the door open festooned with my own gastrointestinal gore. They wrestle me down on my kitchen floor while I scream incoherently about nuclear debates.
I punch the older one in the mouth and feel bad. He looks a little like my new boss.
During this time, Biden parks one with sincerity while talking about his personal life. She talks in circles and soundbites and Biden plays smear the queer with the maverick thing. Fucking excellent. Do I have to punish my balls again?
He’s finishing strong and he smokes her as they approach the line. He speaks from the heart and that’s why we likes us some Joe.
She closes strong. Well done. A little cheerleaderesque………still, not bad.
Biden gallops. He beats her by a length.
The following portion of tonights blog is retrospective:
Race to Biden, but it was closer than I anticipated. Not close. Closer. She did better than I’d hoped. She held her own but was below her paygrade most of the time, particularly in the second half.
Begala said it best. Biden was there to hammer McCain and contrast him with Our Man’s policies and priorities. Palin was there for damage control. Both pursued with skill and executed.
Here’s the rub. One of these goals is not like the other. One of these goals just doesn’t belong.
A financial structure buckling, two wars and more on the way and and a Presidential running mate trying to make up for not being able to even think of a relevant periodical or a Supreme Court decision a month before the vote.
Biden was disciplined and on message. Restrained? Yep, he could of disemboweled her, he just smiled and stayed on the road. There were a few times the camera caught him with one hand on the wheel and the other thumbing an impressive antler handled hunting knife. There was that twinkling sound coming off his teeth.
Once I promised to shower and change my clothes, the security team that fought me to the tile forgave me for mixing my metaphors and decided to hang out and drink. Their walkie talkies are annoying. They seem like nice guys. Not very intimidating, I mean it took all three of them and they still couldn’t get the plastic cuffs on me.
Nice job Joe.
Drinks for my friends.
Biden v Palin -by J
October 2, 2008 – Thursday – 10:09 AM
Biden v Palin
Biden v Palin, no Governor, that’s not a supreme court decision, but I thought you would have at least remembered:
EXXON SHIPPING CO. ET AL. v. BAKER
Isn’t she the governor of Alaska? Isn’t she all about the oil industry?
Tonight we all get to see exactly how deep our vice presidential candidates are. Are they well versed in the world, do they know policies of their presidential candidate, how will they fair on the big stage without a teleprompter?
These are the questions I want to have answered, but I’m pretty sure all we will see is a preview to Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live.
Watch for content over zingers. Frankly I say we elect the smartest people, not the funniest or the “Joe Six Pack”. While I’m at it, how many of you want to see “Joe Six Pack” in the White House? Me neither.
For now, here are a few jokes to warm the crowd up, I’ll be here all day and night, so don’t forget to tip your servers… I’ll be updating through out the day and tonight as the debate unfurls.
Now for the jokes:
Sarah Palin’s been practicing for the big debate tonight in Arizona. Earlier today, we heard she shot a donkey.
Palin’s staff has tried to find a stand-in to pretend to be Joe Biden, but so far all they’ve come up with is a tree stump. Which actually sounds about right.
Even though she’s not expected to do well in the debate, she is favored heavily in Friday’s swimsuit competition.
Top Ten Things Overheard at Sarah Palin’s Debate Camp
10. Let’s practice your bewildered silence
9. Can you try saying ‘Yes’ instead of ‘You betcha’?
8. Hey, I can see Mexico from here!
7. Maybe we’ll get lucky and there won’t be any questions about Iraq, taxes, or healthcare
6. We’re screwed!
5. Can I just use that lipstick-pit bull thing again?
4. We have to wrap it up for the day — McCain eats dinner at 4:30
3. Can we get Congress to bail us out of this debate?
2. John Edwards wants to know if you’d like some private tutoring in his van
1. Any way we can just get Tina Fey to do it?
During the Sarah Plain interview with Katie Couric on CBS News, Sarah Palin could not remember the name of a newspaper or magazine that she reads. I was thinking, “Wow — possibly, a leader of the country who doesn’t read.” Then I thought, “Well hell, it’s worked pretty well for George Bush.”
A new poll shows only 1 out of 4 people approve of the job President Bush is doing. That means when he’s having dinner with his wife and two daughters, he’s the only one at the table who thinks he’s doing a good job.
Economists are now claiming that our nation’s leaders didn’t properly explain the bailout plan to the public. After hearing this, President Bush said, ‘While you’re at it, someone should explain it to me.”
It’s been reported that John McCain is taking an herbal supplement to improve his memory. Apparently, McCain is having trouble remembering why he picked Sarah Palin.
Last night during an interview on CBS, Sarah Palin said, ‘One of my best friends is a lesbian, and I love her dearly.’ After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘Prove it.”
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg says he’s interested in running again, but there’s resistance because the law would have to be changed to allow for a third term. It’s not that people have a big problem with Mike Bloomberg, they just don’t want to give President Bush any ideas.
John McCain said he turns to Sarah Palin for foreign policy advice. And then he turns to his wife Cindy, to get her to cut his meat.
Scary day in Washington today — they found a hand grenade in a park. At first they thought the worst, but it turns out Cheney just went for walk, and it fell out of his pocket.
Have any good warm up funnies?
Need more, or had ENOUGH?
J
I gotta tell you
First off, forgive the focus of late, but it really is the most important issue of the day. The next month, and barring the apocolypse, a few generations from now at least.
You know, the election.
I gotta get this first thing out because it’s like a turd in my mouth. Sarah Palin is out of her element. A moose in the headlights. She rocketed past unprepared. Stopped to flirt with ignorant. Now she plays house with “special”. Unfuckingbelievable.
Take a glance at her interviews with Katie Couric. Absurd. Score one for Couric and mainstream media. Nice job.
You’re in a fuel efficient car at night, that moose is in the road, She’s coming through the windshield and taking out all occupants. She’ll still fuck your SUV all the way up, kill you and your co-pilot. She’s stupid AND she’s big. You know, metaphorically.
I’m really starting to worry about the carnage this Moosewoman* may be able to visit on the world. Imagine the average joe in another country sitting there watching Palin’s words translated literally across the bottom of the screen. He’s eating some eggs or having a beer and thinks she must be among the best we have.
I see this scenario in my head rather vividly and I’m embarrassed. I understand What’s Her Name in her native tongue and I am in awe. In the context of politics, American history and world affairs, she thinks it’s all ball bearings these days. She’s retarded.
Sarah Palin gutted Joe Biden and wore him like a pantsuit -Colbert
Ha!
I can’t wait for tomorrow night. The newly constricted format might just work for Biden. Maybe that’s why they of the men only vagina cult (Democrats), accepted the terms. Biden is a blowhard and his instinct will be to slap the shit out of her. Metaphorically, of course.
I hate to do this but I’m on the pot, feeling the gin and otherwise bold of heart and purpose.
Not merely optimism, but theoretical plausibility.
Official Brainspank Prediction: An Obama knockout by midnight, PST November Fourth, the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Eight. If not an absolute cinch, a forecast by most news agencies, a done deal confirmed by the morning papers.
Too bad Carlin’s dead.
Drinks for my friends.
*new nickname alert
Allright, I’ll weigh in
Just like Doubtfire, economics is not my strong suit. I took macro and micro in college, over twenty years ago. I bought and sold a house that earned me a profit. Kinda. I can do math in my head. Kinda.
Ironically, in recent months I’ve become a banker, monkey suit and all. Not a real banker, but I sell credit, money. Most of my work is from home surrounded by empty containers of every kind. Gin bottles and ketchup packets, candy wrappers and Lysol dispensers. Fast food wrappers and plastic bags from Rite Aid.
I don the gorilla costume to actually show up at the bank and close deals I’ve solicited. Haven’t made shit yet, but I like my job.
Anyway, this bailout was a shitty bill, yet the stock market reacted disastrously when it didn’t pass. It cost American industry over a trillion dollars in one day. That’s a figure neither you or I have the capacity to even imagine.
The most humongous one day free fall in the history of the NYSE. Just last week we saw WaMu take the dirt nap. The largest bank in the history of the world to fail.
It’s gettin ugly up in here.
For once I agree with Ben Stein, he posits that the ideal would be a bill that extinguishes the fire from the bottom to the top. A bill that would allow for assistance to the homeowners and therefore trickle up if you will, to strengthen the lending institutions and banks on the verge of collapse. I’m a populist, so I tend to cast a favorable eye on an idea like that. The rich have made their money, the middle class are getting shithammered. The poor are more fucked than ever.
For you ingnorant fucks, ‘populist’ is code for socialist or even communist.
I also agree with Stein and Paul Krugman that something has to be done and fast. Credit must flow in ways you and I don’t understand. This is a financial conflagration that must have high pressure hoses trained on it right away.
Yes, it’s the fat bastards that are on fire, it’s weird how their outer layer pops and sizzles like bacon. I hate the smell of their hairy backs burning. Unfortunately, they still have the keys to the universe for most of us. Pricks. No matter what, it’s gonna suck, so we need to get started.
It’s ok they were allowed to burn for a few.
Put the fire out and hang the rich later.
I’m really not interested in who said what and why it didn’t pass. Pelosi chastised the dickheads and their panties ended up in a bundle. That makes them pussies. It’s awfully nice to see John Boehner get spanked by his own party though. I hate that guy. High comedy. Excellent drama.
Maybe just this once, partisan politics will lead to better legislation. Maybe. I hate to say it, but I’m of the opinion that congress needs to pass something and Dumbya needs to sign it. Sooner rather than later.
By the way, have you seen Dumbya lately? Looks like he’s been on the recieving end of a few too many blanket parties. I bet he’s drinking again and I don’t blame him. He’s the biggest fuck up in the entire world. He’ll end his days in a comfortable chair stinking of beer and cigarettes. In an upscale Texas trailer park. A doublewide with a paved carport at least. The high point of his day will be Jerry Springer and watering the dry patches out back. Around seven he’ll switch from beer to whiskey. His neighbors will like him and he’ll hang lights for Christmas until he falls in the kitchen and breaks his hip. He’ll stop beating Laura.
Forgive me.
What will be interesting, is the Vice Presidential debate on Thursday, the same day Congress returns after holiday. Palin vs. Biden. I like Joe Biden but it will be the blowhard against the moose in headlights.
What’s up with the old man showing up to hold Whats Her Name’s hand for round two with Katie? Pitiful. Sheezus. He doesn’t trust her and she doesn’t know shit.
So much for suspending your campaign and postponing the debate until the crisis has been averted, huh Doubtfire? Go home and ride the mower dude.
“He [Dumbya] tried to ruin the country in his first term, now he’s trying to ruin the world in his second term. Let’s not give him [McCain] a third term”. -Paul ‘high functioning moron’ Begala
“We may all be killed” -Paul, Blue Velvet
Drinks for my friends.
As we approach the last stretch
From last Friday evening until the day ballots are cast across this country on November four, people en masse have finally begun to search their hearts and their minds.
The Presidential campaign has commenced.
The majority of Americans who actually intend to vote have begun to wake up in the morning and think about it, have lunch and devote a few minutes of thought to it, or go home and discuss it with their significant other, as of Friday night.
They’ve also begun to consume mainstream media without discrimination and with more appetite than we’ve seen in a while. I’m alarmed by this but at least they’re curious.
The first debate. A Clash of Titans.
Campaign season officially and unoffiicially started September Twenty Six, the day of the first confrontation.
There was record viewership of the conventions, but it really begins with the first debate. I’ve been watching this thing and writing about it for two years. If you’re at all like me, you understand where I’m going with this. We are consistent in our responsibility to pay attention. We have tracked and monitored candidates from all parties and given no quarter to those who run off the rails.
Here comes the great unwashed.
I nailed The Pantsuit over and over with one of those guns that actually shoot nails. Very cool invention.
Optimistically and with unfounded enthusiasm I supported Kucinich. I knew he wouldn’t last but I wanted him to get as far as his little heart could. A bright and honest man. The Little Paste Eater. Then it was Edwards because of his sincere populist message. He championed the poor. Another good and bright man, this time with an assload of charisma. Oh well.
He turned out to be a dick, not for what he did, but for what he didn’t do. Honesty. He even lied to himself.
I’ve always liked Obama, but having been the poster child for unrealistic expectations in past elections, you can perhaps understand my reluctance. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama. Forgive me, but a name like that at a time like this?
I wrote with conviction a year and a half ago that this man although gifted, had not a hope in hell. That was my belief.
What happened next was extraordinary. It was an all star season at the DNC. He not only prevailed over a field of excellent candidates, he went toe to toe with the Clinton Juggernaut and handed them their ass on a bone china platter garnished with new potatos and parsley. Awesome. Don’t you dare question his balls.
Whipping the Clintons, when Hills would NOT let go, is a bigger feat for a Democrat, a more formidable task for an African American male Democrat, than for anyone of the Republican hopefuls. It bears pointing out that they were all losers. McCain did turn out to be the best they had. Sheezus.
If after the debate, you were disappointed by the lack of punches thrown, I understand. But you need to know that we have a man that is smarter than us again. Elitist. Bigots and racists say uppity. More intelligent. He’s roughly my age but he’s so much smarter. He knows what he’s doing.
He could be really good you know. The best choice you have ever been afforded unless you are old enough to have voted for JFK or RFK. If you voted for either of them, you’re probably with me here.
Time to pay attention. 9/11 happened on this watch. This economic venting of radiation and the subsequent meltdown, predicted and predictable. Happening on this watch. Same watch. These guys suck. They’re fucking clowns. This is blind, shithouse absurd.
I didn’t realize it but there’s a part two of Couric’s interview of Palin tomorrow night. Oh boy. It is sad indeed that in the same election a woman sought and almost secured her party’s nomination for President, another woman comes along as a running mate for the other party. Actually, there’s nothing unfortunate about that at all. What is damn near heart rending is that the former was an intelligent capable woman with experience and the latter can best be sketched with one word. Bimbo.
You know what? Republicans are idiots.
And here’s another big deal. The surface and the subterranean, the face and the bone and muscle beneath this electorate are far different than anything we have ever seen in a national election. How many turn out and who they are, is and will be a wildcard of historic proportion. The youth vote. The previously disenfranchised who are now pissed, the cell phone generation. The cultural groundswell. SNL has parodied, brutally, the McCain campaign in one way or anther for the last three weeks. See, no current model takes this data into account.
It’s a wild ass card and it could be huge.
I have a crack team of analysts on the case. We’ll get back to you on this.
Drinks for my friends
The Bailout -by Josh
Friday, September 26, 2008 – 11:26 AM
The Bailout
The other day I received an e-mail from my uncle asking for my thoughts on the economic crisis and the proposed bailout. Below is his e-mail followed by my response.
———
Josh,
Maybe you can help me. I am trying to apply an aging physicist brain to the current economic situation and I could use some help.
Admitted bias upfront, I tend to see things more positively by reflex.
Premise 1
Inflation is caused by an increase in the “money supply” without a corresponding increase in goods and services causing more money to chase the unchanged supply of goods thereby increasing the price.
Premise 2
The value of “bad” mortgages was part of the “money supply” when the mortgages were good
and therefore marketable. Now that the mortgages are “bad” and unsellable they are no longer
part of the “money supply”, or have radically decreased in value, thus the “money supply” has decreased as a result.
Question 1
If the government prints money to e. g. buy the illiquid mortgages, (for less than 100 cents on the $)is it not just replacing the money which the illiquidity of the mortgages removed, and thus is “neutral” effect on the “money supply”?
Premise 3
The root of the problem is the decline in housing prices which “removes” wealth from the system,
and is thus “deflationary”.
Question 2
Does not the effect of Premise 3 give the treasury room to “print money” to balance it without
increasing the overall money supply and thus being neutral on the inflation front.
Sincerely wanting to understand,
Unc
P.S. Henry Paulson is: A. a socialist B. an idiot C. Someone whose career evidences a solid understanding of the system, and who is a believer in “capitalism”. D. Other (Please specify)
———-
Hey Unc,
I’ve had a chance to think about your questions, and while I don’t have any conclusive answers, I do have some thoughts that might help flesh out the picture a bit.
For starters, I will observe that your premises/conclusions are based on an oversimplification that is typical of most mainstream discussion of economics – i.e. considering economic phenomena in terms of broad homogeneous categories rather than as aggregations of an infinitude of discrete and varied elements. For example, when the government measures GDP, no distinction is made between a dollar spent on a TV-set and a dollar spent on education, although obviously their effects on the economy are very different. Of course, we have to lump together many disparate things in order to measure them, but the fact remains that according to this type of analysis, we could redirect every dollar currently spent on education to providing children with cigarettes, and the economy would be just as “healthy” in terms of GDP.
The point is not to argue against using the standard tools of macroeconomic analysis. Obviously it would be impossible to quantify the consequences of every individual transaction in an economy, and we must resort to abstract techniques if we want to be able to measure anything at all, but we must also avoid falling into the trap of mistaking man-made concepts like “GDP” and “money supply” for the actual economy.
So, when we talk about the “money supply”, what we are really talking about is an infinitely varied collection of instruments which have potential purchasing power. A dollar hidden under the mattress of a miser does not impact the economy in the same way as a dollar in the hands of a drunk at a blackjack table, but from the point of view of a monolithic concept like “money supply”, the two are indistinguishable. And, while we are all familiar with the big-picture monetary hazards called “inflation” and “deflation”, in actuality what is harmful is monetary instability in general. In fact, the very worst monetary scenario is “stagflation” in which aspects of inflation and deflation occur simultaneously. [For a more detailed discussion of money and the consequences of monetary instability, see my article entitled “American Economy: The Veil of Money”.]
So, while it is conceivable that the government could exactly offset the amount of money that has been wiped out by the credit crunch and thereby leave the “money supply” unchanged, this doesn’t mean that the result wouldn’t still be catastrophic. For example, the fact that the government is creating money by buying bad debts from banks is of little consolation to the family that is losing its home.
Another way of thinking about the economy is by way of metaphor. I like to think of the role of money in an economy as analogous to that of blood in a physical organism. Blood flows in different ways throughout all parts of an organism, and the overall health of the organism is dependent not only on the quantity of blood but also on it flowing properly. Maladies occur whenever the flow is too fast or too slow or impeded or misdirected. This metaphor is useful for addressing your question about why the government can’t just print an equivalent amount of money to the amount that has been destroyed in order to achieve a neutral effect on the economy. It would be as if we took a trauma patient who has lost a lot of blood and gave him a massive transfusion without knowing his blood type (although, whereas a random blood transfusion might end up working just based on blind luck, in the case of the economy, since there is an infinite number of “blood types”, a random transfusion cannot possibly work).
Another metaphor that I like to use when thinking about the role of money in an economy is to visualize a fertile river valley in the middle of a desert. The volume of water in the river determines how far in either direction crops will grow. So, for example, while in a drought year crops might only grow right next to the river, in a year with abundant rainfall the margin of cultivation will lie at a greater distance from the river. Now, let’s imagine that the flow of water is suddenly increased by artificial means. This will allow crops to be grown over a larger area of land than usual for as long as the artificially large flow is continued, but as soon as the unsustainable flow is interrupted, all of the crops that ordinarily would never have sprung up in the first place will wither and die.
I would liken the monetary policies of Alan Greenspan to the artificially high river. Rather than allow the boom & bust of the dot.com bubble to run its course, Greenspan turned the spigots wide open and let the river flow at an abnormally high rate that averted short-term pain but assured much greater destruction later on. All you have to do to see this with your own eyes is to take an airplane flight into Las Vegas (or Phoenix, or Miami, or Los Angeles…) and look at the massive number of housing developments in various stages of completion around the margins of the city. These developments are the equivalent of the crops that under normal circumstances never would have sprung up in the first place. As a result of artificially abundant money all of this excess housing stock has come into existence and must now be reckoned with before we can get the economy back on a sound footing. And simply printing money will not remedy the fact that the economic organism developed along unsustainable lines.
All of that being said, I am not arguing against the use of fiscal and monetary policy to deal with the current crisis. I am just not optimistic about our chances of success. I believe we will be unable to avert a crisis for two reasons.
First, to use yet another metaphor, imagine that the job of the financial authorities is to steer a ship through a winding channel. One side of the channel represents unemployment and economic stagnation, while the other side represents inflation and “irrational exuberance” (to borrow a Greenspan-ism). Under ordinary circumstances it is a difficult but manageable task to keep the ship safely within the channel and not to err too badly in either direction. However, the steering mechanism of the ship is highly imprecise and cumbersome. Much like steering an actual ship, you must always be thinking ahead and compensating before your errors become evident. If you fail to stay ahead of the curve, you have to resort to increasingly risky maneuvers in order to avoid harmful divergences, and each of these risky measures makes the next maneuver that much more difficult to execute safely until a point is reached at which there is no way to avoid a painful crack-up.
I would argue that this is the position that Bernanke and Paulson find themselves in right now. They are steering a ship that is careening wildly in an ever narrower channel. The truth is that most of the blame for the current situation lies not with Bernanke or Paulson but with their predecessors. Bernanke and Paulson could be the most intelligent, upright people in the world and still fail to avoid a collapse. Personally I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other as to the abilities or integrity of either one, although I think it is worrisome that Paulson is one of the people who profited most from the abuses which caused the crisis in the first place. Putting Paulson in charge of the bailout is like a bank hiring the best safe-cracker to run its security department. He might in fact be the best guy for the job, but you have to question his motives, and with the kind of absolute, non-reviewable power the current plan seeks to give him, I wouldn’t take it for granted that he’ll do what is in the best interests of the average American.
Add to all of this the fact that we are in the middle of a presidential election (which means that most parties in Washington are just as concerned with their own political futures as they are with the state of the economy), and I just don’t see much cause to be hopeful that they will be able to thread the needle and come up with just the right set of solutions to avoid a painful and protracted crisis.
Knots
“George Bush fucked up so bad he made it hard for a white man to run for President” -Chris Rock
McCain’s tie sucked but his knot was way better than Our Man’s. Our Man’s tie was far superior. We now know he has a better informed sense of the sartorial.
At approximately forty minutes in, Our Man is cleaning geriatric clock. Doubtfire lands a few haymakers but this thing is pivoting on body shots.
Not a bad game. Good fight. Sugar Ray Leonard vs. Roberto Duran circa 1980 in New Orleans. Doubtfire stops short of “No Mas”. Our Man is a boxer, an athletic technician. Stiff jabs and quick blows to the torso. The pasty little bastard is nothing if not a brawler. Smart to box this first round, as silly as it sounds, Obama realizes he’s still introducing himself this night to a shitload of white people.
I bet he punches a little harder come round two. I read somewhere today that boxing terminology is the accepted brand for political commentary. So be it.
In business, in life, in friendship, the most important question is what have you done for me lately (?). Doubtfire dwells in the past. He ducks, bobs and weaves with enough skill to avoid looking like an advanced alzheimers victim. Too much of it was not inspired or even novel. Instead it was boiler plate, stump speech bullshit. There was the “Miss Congeniality” thing for example. Evidence of an inability to think on his feet. Sad.
To his credit, he swung what he had. Hard.
So he can dance. With the exception of a few flurries and some jabs that looked good but didn’t sting, McCain performed like a man with old lungs, old legs and an aged intellect.
Our Man floats above the discourse. He dips down by necessity, and as he does so, he’s elegant, eloquent and Presidential. His cool charisma is in in stark contrast and a welcome respite from Doubtfire’s snide, and patronizing vitriol. There’s not much worse than a man attempting to engage in patronage when he has no reason or right to even try.
There are moments where I honestly anticipated his nearly translucent head exploding off his body in violent lift off like a Saturn Five rocket coming off the pad.
Here’s what’s interesting. I endeavor to abstain from bias or ideology. Simultaneously, I understand I can’t hope to honestly embrace the idea entirely. I do my best. Despite my efforts, McCain looked a fool to me. He was empty, clumsy and consistently off point. I was a little embarrassed for him.
I could plow the field for issues, dig up the substance, but if you’re a regular reader, you already know where I stand and who I agree with. Suffice it to say, Our Man was specific and clear and I agreed with most of it.
What will they say about this debate? I’m sure it will be crap. Irresponsible, despite low expectations for McCain. They will render it stupider than it was because of their own inherent chasm of misunderstanding. An inability to recognize or even look for the right things.
Somebody help with the idea that contests so important don’t have to end up as a carnival competition. This is serious business. The wrong guy could doom humans as a species. I guess people don’t understand that. If McCain is elected, there’s a far better than fifty percent chance that Sarah Palin will end up as President.
There’s a one hundred percent chance the world will be right about just how stupid we are.
Given her recent performances, limited though they be, this simply cannot come to pass. Think about it. Hard. See what I’m saying?
Let me be clear here. I want you all to understand exactly what I mean. No innuendo. No metaphor.
It’s unlikely either candidate changed any already decided minds in this venue, but McCain was obvious as the man he is. Rigid, ill-tempered, the polar opposite of affable and perpetually on the verge of a tantrum. He was unable to even look at Obama. Our Man was in complete control. Restrained even. Presidential. I was proud.
Jim Lehrer from PBS, did a bang up job, even exhorting the two to look at each other and answer. Doubtfire never did and Obama did effortlessly.
I was sad and disgusted to see Doubtfire close with the P.O.W. shuffle. Pathetic.
You see he hired his nurse to be his Vice President too -Chris Rock
Round one, Obama.
Drinks for my friends.