Archive for the ‘Dumbya’ Category

The dipshits are pissed at Wanda Sykes for skewering Limbaugh by hoping his kidneys fail and referencing his drug abuse and calling the Human Shitsmear of all things, a terrorist. The 20th hijacker on 911 even.

That shit’s funny. It’s funny because I don’t take her seriously. No more serious than I take a jackass like Rush Limbaugh. It was about her vicious and inspired disgust with a lying, manipulative, hypocirtical, blowhard entertainer who “entertains” by scaring the great unwashed and giving the GOP bots and hardliners talking points as well as someone to worship.

Not funny, as he’s a disingenuous dickhead. His comfort level with lying is astounding. His composure while doing his level fucking best to support the plutocracy is chilling. I’m impressed. And he’s a goddamn racist. Preeminent ludicrous douchebag spokeshole for the entire graying elaphantine party it seems.

It’s funny, the sheer volume of their lather over this White House Press Dinner as opposed to the one Stephen Colbert did a few years back. Dumbya walked out of that one with cracked ribs, a punctured lung and a broken facade. Colbert was astounding, wielding sack and fruit of steel and various other alloys in a hall full of crazy neocons, crooks, brass, sychophants, sociopaths, serial murderers and the press.

He rocked out with his cock out.

Know what’s not funny? Everything I just said about Rush Limbaugh could be said about Dick Cheney. Plug him into the last four paragraphs. It all still applies. It’s like shifting from third to fourth on a wide empty road.

Know what’s funny? Obama said Cheney was absent due to writing his memoir “How to shoot friends and interrogate people.” -Huffingtonpost

What goes up must come down. What’s not funny, is the embarrassing desperation of almost the entire GOP. The trinity. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Congress, rednecks and the true American elite. The super rich. The one percent that owns fifty percent of everything. I won’t pretend we don’t have archangels in their architecture, but today’s GOP is odious and insipid.

What they’ve become is my latest favorite expletive, ‘assclowns’.

Maybe it’s some sort of supersecret conservative caper? Some retarded idea of martyrdom, where the perceived leaders of the cause make complete asses of themselves instead of suicide or assassination. They annoy and bewilder everyday with rhetoric that implodes on the pad. They seem hellbent for less than leather. An inch from a legacy that will conclude them to be doddering, greedy and malicious fools.

At this point I could be talking about either Limbaugh or Cheney and that’s somehow not funny.

All the assclowns talked about Obama’s choice in mustard for two fucking days.

The Inspector General’s report from ’05 states:
“Medical personnel at the detention facility protested the use of the waterboard in that form, stressing that “there was no a prior reason to believe that applying the waterboard with the frequency and intensity with which it was used by the psychologist/interrogators was either efficacious or medically safe.”

Dick has been lying his ass off to you for over eight years. Darth Cheney is a sociopath and he thinks you’re stupid.

All the Republicans have left is a horse named National Security to beat and abuse. They’re so goddamn dumb they have no clue what that word means to most of America and the new administration in 2009.

National Security under the Obama administration is a much broader precept. These guys are smart and focused on all things threatening. From climate change, to pandemics, natural disasters, man made disasters, adversaries and allies. It seems we now have frontal lobes. That’s kind of exciting.

Read about it in the latest Rolling Stone.

Know what’s cool? The Space Shuttle rocked off the planet today to make the Hubble Space Telescope about a hundred times better at being a telescope. This, is going to be great. Scientists are cool motherfuckers.

Drinks for my friends.

It would be nice if we could simply choose our own channels. If I don’t pay my bill, Direct TV shuts me down in a heartbeat. I call them on the phone, arrange payment and within thirty seconds, access to like three hundred channels is restored. I don’t believe for a second that making individual choice available to customers isn’t possible.

I’d do the networks, they should be free and I’m a news junkie, including FOX, CNN,and MSNBC. Part of my addiction is to monitor the mainstream. Comedy Central, HBO and Showtime for movies, excellent series’ and boxing. One local affiliate. They all suck but I need access to at least one local news outlet. Maybe some nature channels, IFC and that other one……..

I need to step off this topic for awhile. You who read me regularly understand I am wont to do.

I am moved by this President. He takes complex questions and answers them with intelligence and nuance. He talks to us and explains himself with an earnestness and sincerity that make plain his need for us to understand. He does want to include and engage the lowest common denominator. I believe I’d be remiss were I not to point out the glaring contrast between Mr. Obama and our previous President, who catered to and exploited the lowest common denominator almost exclusively.

Our man was asked this evening, what about his first one hundred days suprised, enchanted, humbled and troubled him the most, on live television. He answered adroitly, compassionately and honestly. This is the kind of question that would never even be allowed under the Dumbya regime. Were such a question somehow allowed to slip through, trust that Dumbya would have stuttered, paused and visited abuse of malapropisms to hitherto unseen depths of national embarrassment.

He’s a primate at best.

His eyes are too close together.

I couldn’t help but remember Clinton. He would appear on television in the middle of our dark years and answer any question by framing it’s context, explaining the variables and then recommending a course of action so expertly that you knew he’d wrestled with it until he understood the issue thoroughly and had arrived at a solution that he grasped completely and had no reservations about endorsing. The man was flawed but he was whip fucking smart and he gave a shit. He was a lighthouse in the dense fog of Dick-in-Bush.

First 100 days? I’ll give Obama a B+. Not bad for his first semester midterm. About what I expected and I’m pleased. My biggest concern is the financial swamp thing. I can’t really pretend to understand it. It goes without saying I don’t have an opinion worth sharing. I will tell you that the more I learn and understand, the more I wonder about moving somewhere I can have a garden.

Those fuckers left us hanging. Cheney won’t shut the fuck up and neither will Rove but have ya heard from Dumbya? The barn door was banging at the start of the storm when those three bastards ran out. Man they were bad news.

Say our man gets us to 911 of this year without a domestic terror attack of similiar scale. Will you then shut the fuck up about your keeping America safe audacity? Allow me to date myself by saying you people sound like a broken goddamn record.

Some advice. The sky has been falling for some time now. You just looked up. You just noticed it could really crack you hard. By the way, if you did just notice all this, part of this is your fault. So anyway, settle down.

What we really need is for you mouthbreathers to be calm. Don’t stir shit up. Try not to shoot fellow humans. Stop turning out like zombies for corporate lobby funded tax protests when you’ll all do better under what you’re marching against. Have some dignity. Pull your pants up.

More of my advice to you is to wade back in. Forego ideology and sincerely look at what progressives are attempting to do here. Find fault with the policy or find flaw with the process. Stop dropping the ‘socialist’ bomb and find a way to participate. Start rolling up your sleeves and stop crapping your pants.

Hannity and Limbaugh are the clown princes of the conservative stagnation and they will be your demise.

Drinks for my friends.

I felt compelled to share this. It really is remarkable.

Steve Schmidt, former campaign manager for John McCain while speaking to Log Cabin Republicans today, had this to say:

“There is a sound conservative argument to be made for same-sex marriage,” Schmidt, who was McCain’s campaign manager, told the group. “I believe conservatives, more than liberals, insist that rights come with responsibilities. No other exercise of one’s liberty comes with greater responsibilities than marriage. In a marriage, two people are completely responsible to and for each other.”

He added: “If you are not willing to accept and faithfully discharge those responsibilities, you shouldn’t enter the state of matrimony, and it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if you’re straight or gay. It is a responsibility like no other, which can and should make marriage an association between two human beings more fulfilling than any other.” -CNN

Gorgeous. Eloquent, fluent and beautiful.

This kind of thinking and honesty is precisely what the Republican party owes America.

Yep, I said “owes”. Given the damage the Republicans have wrought the last three decades and particularly the last eight years, well, I feel they are beholdin’ to the rest of us.

Mr. Schmidt also had this to say:

“If you put public policy issues to a religious test, you risk becoming a religious party,” Schmidt declared. “And in a free country, a political party cannot be viable in the long term if it is seen as a sectarian party.” -Huffington Post

Hallelujah! Pun intended. Wow. This is one man who understands what the future of the GOP will look like if it has one. I am impressed. Social issues such as these, as opposed to those of policy, are our biggest divide. To table such concerns, might could be an envelope for allowing vibrant philosophical debate to once again rise to the watermark of legitimate. Without such violent and vigorous clouding and muddying of what is actually an important and vital set of issues, this country stands a real chance of moving forward and so then, does the rest of the planet.

America was never intended to be the world’s police anymore than it was to be the world’s moral arbiter. We’ve become mired and lost in that as a nation and have as consequence, lost our way on the world stage. It is exactly because of this that we are estimated by every other State to be anything from silly to hypocritical to lethally wreckless.

Guilty as charged. We are all of those things.

Far too long we’ve neglected tragedies that demand our attention and devoted it instead to situations that were barely our business. A lumbering giant, recklessly careening, who’s size and stature shrinks by the day.

A modicum of humility is therefore in order.

But wait, there’s more:

Hugo Chavez said to Obama today, “Eight years ago I greeted President Bush with this same hand. I’d like to be your friend.” -Fox News

Let the record show it was an interlocking opposable thumb shake. A ‘bro’ shake. I like this guy Chavez, he called Dumbya “The Devil”.

On Cuba, Obama said:

“decades of mistrust” must be overcome, but noted that he has already loosened restrictions that limited Americans from traveling to visit relatives in Cuba and from sending money to them.

Obama lifted all restrictions Monday on the ability of individuals to visit relatives in Cuba, as well as to send them remittances.

That may be just the beginning. “I am prepared to have my administration engage with the Cuban government on a wide range of issues — from human rights, free speech and democratic reform to drugs, migration and economic issues,” -CNN

This comes a day after Cuban President Raul Castro said he was prepared to discuss “everything, everything, everything” with the United States. -CNN

The neocons will no doubt bristle over this. I anticipate high comedy for my witness. Yet, this is the change we voted for. The one we Americans turned out in overwhelming numbers to endorse. We are beginning to understand that saber rattling is far from our only option. It’s stupid to assume that’s all we have to offer countries in our own hemisphere who pose no military threat to us whatsoever.

We could probably kick Venezuela’s and Cuba’s ass on any Thursday afternoon. That’s not the point.

The same way our opinions about our own citizens must change, so does our thinking about the rest of the world. Our bigotry and bias has led us to this precarious point in human history. America has within her reach, the potential to allow itself and the rest of humanity to progress beyond and above where we find ourselves now. If we can only learn to accept and tolerate a little more ourselves and then, the rest of the world.

See, I’m not here to endorse torture, terror, fascism, dictatorship or anything resembling. I’m trying to tell you that we’ve been going at this assbackwards. Archaic and absurd.

All good change comes from inside. We are all people, humans. We all bleed and suffer. It’s time to abandon the notion that to prevail, other humans must suffer and bleed.

Mr. Steve Schmidt has said and done a wonderful, cognizant thing.

Drinks for my friends.

A trifecta of issues have been chapping my ass of late.

ITEM ONE:

Is there a more appropriate term for the completely contrived “protest” by whackjob flat-earthers other than “teabagging”?

Methinks not.

“the insertion of one man’s sack into another person’s mouth. Used a practical joke or prank, when performed on someone who is asleep, or as a sexual act.” -UrbanDictionary.com

I love this shit.

In effect, they will protest the single largest tax cut on America’s middle class, working poor and impoverished in our history. They will actively lament an increased tax burden on America’s wealthiest five percent that still ends up being less than what their sacred small government charlatan Ronald Reagan imposed.

These people are idiots.

Not only does it pervert and vulgarize the original defiance by colonists who orchestrated and participated in The Boston Tea Party, it’s a knock kneed, anti-intellctual parody of genuine patriotism. I’m here to tell you these fuckers heads are as round as the average potato. Think pineal.

The lockstep conservatives have chosen the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. They are retarded and unable to wipe their own snot bubbling noses and drool weeping, recessed chins. Pathetic.

No one but Fox News seems to notice. Can you say ‘marginalized’?

ITEM TWO:

Looks like the GOP is resolute in blocking the release of actual legal opinions produced by the Bush administration’s OLC (Office of Legal Council), regarding torture. There are in fact three such memos issued by the OLC, one of the highest legal offices in the land, permitting and allowing for, under the auspices of American legal authority, the sadistic treatment and physical violence upon captured individuals in violation of Geneva Conventions as well as human decency and longstanding American ideals related to the treatment of prisoners of war.

Actual legal opinions proffered by the Bush administration that are apparently so profound and disgusting that Senate Republicans are willing to engage in blackmail to prevent their being released to media and the public.

“A reliable Justice Department source advises me that Senate Republicans are planning to “go nuclear” over the nominations of Dawn Johnsen as chief of the Office of Legal Counsel in the Department of Justice and Yale Law School Dean Harold Koh as State Department legal counsel if the torture documents are made public. The source says these threats are the principal reason for the Obama administration’s abrupt pullback last week from a commitment to release some of the documents. A Republican Senate source confirms the strategy. It now appears that Republicans are seeking an Obama commitment to safeguard the Bush administration’s darkest secrets in exchange for letting these nominations go forward…” -Scott Horton, The Daily Beast

Fuck me running.

They all stood right in front of us and swore up and down that America does not torture. That we don’t kidnap and “render” to countries that attach electrodes to the genitals or nearly drown “detainees”. That we don’t beat and humiliate or emasculate. They are fucking liars. And now, sitting members of the Senate, the world’s ‘greatest deliberative body’, openly engage in foul and despicable brinksmanship designed to keep the official sanctioning of that truth from our citizens.

Fuck you John Yoo. Fuck you Alberto Gonzales. Fuck you Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. There is nothing and no things any of you could possibly do to right this wrong you all so willingly and zealously fomented and encouraged. The stain you leave will be visible for centuries and the damage you have wrought will be your legacy long after worms have consumed your rotting corpses and shat them into soil.

ITEM THREE:

Al Franken.

Hey Norm Coleman. Shut the fuck up and start looking for a job. Al Franken didn’t clean your clock but he won. Have some dignity or maybe some vanity. Sheezus. You lost. Everyone agrees. Have you no shame? A whip smart comedian bested you in a public contest. Ten out of ten dentists agree, time to look for a job. Maybe you could be Michele Bachmann’s pool boy.

This shit is ridiculous.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m fourty four years old. Sometimes I think about that and it impresses me. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve done a lot.

I’ve seen a kid on a bike launched by a car doing sixty. I’ve seen people splattered and dying face down on warm asphalt. I’ve been rushed to the hospital bleeding in an ambulance. I’ve met governors and senators. I’ve seen comets and eclipses. Managed a Der Wienerschnitzel. I’ve rolled end over end off the side of mountain in a Subaru. I had a knife pulled on me. Been to a whorehouse and ridden miles above in a giant balloon. Lost my mind on hallucinogenic drugs. Got booked on a felony and made the front page of my hometown paper.

All by the time I was twenty one or twenty two.

I always wonder how many other people flirt with insanity as much as I do. I don’t think I’m going crazy or anything but I wonder about everyone else. Imagine working in a hospital. People with there shit hanging out or infected with insidious diseases. There are so many professions I’m automatically excluded from because of my prejudice for gore and human or animal excretions be they voluntary or not.

I am grateful to be an American. Despite her flaws, copious and profound, I’m happy I was born here and not anywhere else. They call India ‘the worlds largest democracy’, yet the caste system in India allows for a man’s only employment prospect to be diving in the crude sewage system to clear obstructions. These poor fucks have little beyond facemasks, gloves and snorkels. They climb out of manholes covered in shit.

Fuck me.

Welcome to Planet Earth.

“So, let us not be blind to our differences – but let us also direct attention to our common interests……For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.” -JFK

He said that nearly a half century ago. How far have we come? We’ve elected our first bi-racial or racially mixed President. A very high watermark. To my dismay we are still coated in fear, willfull ignorance and graceless stupidity. Still so disasterously handicapped by institutions and insipid indoctrination. People actually lament the end of Dumbya’s dynasty. Millions still believe reproductive rights to be a priority beyond any other issue. Millions still have mullets and poor dental hygiene. They all listen to Rush Limbaugh.

We can’t ignore these bastards. They used to just be stupid. Now they’re mad. Not a welcome development. Seems like the only thing to do is marginalize them. Zeitgeist appears to endorse that notion. The pendulum is in motion and it’s arc seems to favor sensibility. I don’t trust these zealous fuckers, they may be mad now but they’ve always been insane, that’s how it all happened in the first place. It’s been welcome to the monkeyhouse for eight goddamn years.

“…..in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity….”

I just have to say this. As fucked as we are, these dipshits want to stand at every hole we attempt to fill stomping and screaming about how we shovel or what we use to fill the hole. The Republicans, after all this time pissing and moaning about the budget, finally produce a document we’ll have to call an alternative. We can’t call it a budget because there are no goddamn numbers in it. I haven’t read the whole and I refuse to. I have neither the time, the patience or the humor. It’s a joke.

And another thing, most of the people who manage to get a degree in this country end up owing an assload of money. In their early twenties they are desensitized to the idea of humongous debt. So, duh. No wonder so many are so confused. They were working and now they’re not. They had savings and now they don’t. They were living check to check and now they live hand to mouth. They lived in their cars and now they live on a sidewalk.

Another indicator of just how bad the shit is hitting the fan is conflagrations on our southern border. Juárez is occupied by the Mexican military. Thousands dying every year. Far more than our wars across the globe. It is blowing up. This shit is fucked up and it’s because of our senseless, pointless, compassionless and thoroughly ineffective ‘War On Drugs’.

Evil, draconian policy arriving home to roost. Hillary showed up, I don’t know what she did. People who buy pot, smoke pot or even sell pot should not be behind bars anymore than people who buy booze, drink booze or sell booze. It’s that simple. It’s that regoddamndiculous.

My cat Beddy likes to sit on my back while I take a dump. She let’s me know with her eyes and one of at least ten variations on the sound of a pigeon. She’s petite but I still need to lean forward a bit. She turns every direction of the compass. Otherwise she doesn’t approach me in the bathroom much. She’s transfixed by the water closet however. I call it that because of her. It’s a story for another day.

It’s just that we are still so plumbing the depths.

I no longer buy bottled water.

This is the strangest place I’ve ever been.

Drinks for my friends.

Just recently Our Man announced another welcome reversal from Dumbya era policies.

Along with closing Gitmo, ending torture, bringing troops home, allowing tax cuts for the wealthy to expire and no more raids on medicinal marijuana, Obama announced a lifting of the ridicilous restrictions on government funded stem cell research.

Hoorah and in your face bitches.

I’m looking at change. I’m looking right at it.

So today, Sunday, this tool who’s been on my radar for some time, Eric Cantor (Republican Whip) had this to say, “Why are we going and distracting ourselves from the economy? This is job No. 1. Let’s focus on what needs to be done,” – CNN

Hey Cantor, how is this a distraction? Why are the economy and potentially life saving scientific techniques or methodologies mutually exclusive? What kind of simpleton are you? One who’s so clueless as to imagine himself to be fighting for a baseless retarded principle? Or, so cynical as to pander impudently to right wing Christian whackjobs by fomenting ignorance and fear?

No secret that Cantor has been one of the most shrill Republican voices pissing on any and all of Obama’s economic proposals and policies.

White House domestic policy adviser Melody Barnes: “Advances with regard to science and technology help advance our overall national goals around economic growth and job creation,” she said, adding, “I think anytime you make an effort to try and separate these pieces of the puzzle, you’re missing the entire picture.” – CNN

Well said.

Cantor also said: “Frankly, federal funding of embryonic stem-cell research can bring on embryo harvesting, perhaps even human cloning that occurs,” Cantor said. “We don’t want that. That shouldn’t be done. That’s wrong.” – CNN

Fear, ignorance and proof that Cantor either doesn’t know what he’s talking about or at the very least, doesn’t think Americans do.

Government has very little judicature to be palavering over the morals or ethics of scientic research, save maybe for defense and national security. See how I just bitch slapped you with the irony? Did you like it? Call me daddy.

We would do well to remember that history provides plethora example of scientists and philosophers jailed or executed for telling what they knew to be the truth. We are not the center of the universe. We are not the center of the solar system, the sun is. The earth is round. Germs are really small.

I will paraphrase the local NBC affiliate coverage by telling you that opponents of stem cell research fear the destruction of human embryos and that the government will now be responsible for loss of human life.

Here are the motherfucking facts. We’re not even talking about embryos, we’re talking about blastocysts. I microscopic ball of about thirty cells, four or five days fertilized by in vitro fertilization only. In vitro fertilization is about numbers. The more eggs sperm conquer the better the odds. What I’m trying to tell you is that the blastocysts that don’t get used are discarded. Thrown away. The ones we want for research, end up in some strange receptacle with a scary symbol on it.

The entire controversy is over what has been biological waste until tomorrow.

Eric Cantor, fucktard that he is would have you believe that he’s not the one doing the distracting. Methinks he doth protest too much. Me also thinks he’s a jackbooted, lockstep Republican who’s just stupid enough to not see his base eroding.

Why behave in public if you’re living on a playground? – DLR

Two names: Bill Frist and Rick Santorum. Mumbling stumbling fucks, welcome to the clubhouse Mr. Cantor, sodas are free.

Drinks for my friends.

Our man has delivered a budget. That word reads so simple. A budget. It’s more than that. A philosophy. He has huge balls. He’s not here to fuck around. It’s a lot of goddamn money. An unbelievable, unimaginable amount of money. Three and a half trillion at least. History will repeat itself like pi before you and I can realize a number like that.

Hoo ya!

“In keeping with my commitment to make our government more open and transparent, this budget is an honest accounting of where we are and where we intend to go,” Obama said at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building next to the White House before the budget was officially released. He said previous budgets have “not told the whole truth” about spending and that “large sums have been left off the books,” including war costs that have been funded by separate emergency supplemental appropriations.

“And that kind of dishonest accounting is not how you run your family budgets at home; it’s not how your government should run its budgets either,” Obama said. -truthout.org

It’s spooky ambitous and ideological even. It’s visionary. The symbolism of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building is not lost on me. Long term thinking as opposed to thumb in the dyke stop gap chicanery. He’s made the very bold and cold shower honest move of including the cost of our wars in the official accounting of our government’s spending. The first time since we began to wage this unjust war. It begs the question of why it hasn’t been included so far. Did they think we didn’t know? Did they think we didn’t understand they were spending more money than you and I can make?

That all the while the rich were getting richer and we didn’t know?

“I have serious concerns with this budget, which demands hardworking American families and job creators turn over more of their hard-earned money to the government to pay for unprecedented spending increases,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said in a statement. -truthout.org

That is a lie. He is a Senator and he is lying. He sucks. His lament was for the wealthy. He presided over what will be the bulk of your debt for the last eight years. He’s an asshole. Google him, you can tell by looking at him. He was the kid you beat up for trying to tax Jello or maybe sell you gum by the stick.

These asshat Republicans have forced us to double down. They act like they left us a pile of chips. They left a pair of red panties on the green felt. Cotton granny drawers XXL.

Get out of the way while we play bold because it’s the only option you left us. Peniswhipdrinks. Go sit by the pool but you can’t put your drinks on your room.

We intend to use the rollback of tax cuts to the absurdly wealthy as our marker. Spreading the wealth around indeed. 80% of the world’s wealth in the hands of 1% of it’s people. Socialism my ass. Looks entirely equitable and ethical to me. Again, you haven’t left us much choice.

Here lies some proof in the moveable feast of the pudding. We spend ten times more than our closest competitor on guns, bombs, missiles and fighting men & women. America is responsible for forty percent of the entire global outlay of guns, bombs, missiles and humans. It’s ridiculous and obsolete. The single biggest component of that expense is humans. The world has changed. The ideology and geography of huge human armies is obsolete. Wars like this are no longer sustainable. If they prove to be viable at all, we will lose them. Good Morning Vietnam. A lesson we should have learned forty years ago.

“WASHINGTON (AFP) — President Barack Obama Thursday unveiled a 663.7 billion dollar defense budget, up a modest 1.5 percent on 2009, but projected a sharp decline in spending on wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in the coming years.”

Somehow under the new administration, it’s ok to photograph and reproduce images of coffins containing our dead service members. You may call the changes so far symbolic, I call them substantial.

We’re not in Kansas anymore. Kansas is no longer Kansas, despite how bad the people who live there want it to be. The world has changed and continues to do so. Pay attention. Nobody is in Kansas anymore.

We need to be as fierce in battle as we are gentle in friendship. I stole that but I don’t remember where.

Maybe next we’ll talk about education and health care.

Drinks for my friends.

7-11 has gotten pretty aggressive with branding of late. The products seem to be of quality and affordable. I tripped on a canard though. I bought some trail mix labeled “Swiss Trail Mix” that contained M&M’s. How can it be Swiss, if it’s most delicious ingredient is an iconic American candy? Not only do they contribute to the palatability of the recipe, they are the backbone in terms of contrasting flavors and textures. In concert with, but far beyond, the raisins.

It’s not a stretch to view this instance as an analog for the salt and pepper of Republicans and Democrats in Congress. Actually it is, but bear with me, there’s a tragic flaw. These two elements are not mixing with any sort of shared purpose. Too bad, ever had sea salt and ground pepper on calimari? Far less pepper is required than salt.

The Republicans are pepper.

No unity. Zero cooperation. What should be a symbiotic relationship, is the furthest thing from it. A contemporary example of the classic conundrum; the pot accusing the kettle of blackness and all the internecine feline agitprop.

Ladies and gentlemen we have a blog title.

I gotta stop buying those Cheladas.

Childish, churlish and obstructionist. They are the body designated and elected to serve our best interests. We The People.

“Watch for the classic tactic of American rightwing propaganda: Always accuse one’s opponent of doing the very thing that one is doing, especially if one has been caught or exposed while doing it.” -from my friend J’s blog

It’s what they accused Democrats of over and over when they were in charge. Obstructionism, when they encountered opposition to silly irresponsible tax cuts to the very rich. Fiscal irresponsibility is at the top of their lungs now, though it was the Republicans who ran the deficit up to a trillion dollars with chickenshit tax cuts and senseless wars.

Nothing proactive there. Our man understands he’s steering into deeper waters. He’s not happy about it but he understands that any way he turns the wheel, people on this boat will piss and moan. He’s got a very smart crew. They think the sea might be more manageable where we’re headed. He’s chosen course as best he can because we have to keep moving. Stand still you die.

Just who the fuck are these guys? Identity and principle have never been less important to the GOP. The tragedy is that in times so breathtakingly dire, they still think it’s 1994. They still think it’s a goddamn game.

They don’t see America. Criminals, pimps, whores, fastfood workers and union folks. We want to address the malaise at this point. Lawyers and midgets. Philanderers and microbioligists. Those chicks who paint you up at Macy’s. We all want it to work.

We’re a mystery to them. They know not what to make of us. See how they walk around with their mouths open?

I’m still fond of the notion that our government benefits from some modicum of parity. A ballast to power absolute. Checks and balances. It’s just these jackasses aren’t up to the ideal. Virtuosity for the sake of virtuosity perhaps. They’ve praticed a black art with such facility for so long that they now practice it exclusively for the sake thereof. Completely absent any regard for the people, their constituents. They have no moral or ethical imperatives. They have no center.

Like balloons in a thunder storm. No power against the Earth’s whipping wind. Notice how they keep falling? Have you seen the debris? The wind has no regard for faith. Faith is centered in the Midwest. So is wind. Huh.

You know why I like Biden despite him being such a loose lipped cashier? He’s the least wealthy member of the Senate and probably most of Congress too. The Guy’s broke despite having been there forever. The only guy in debt. Just like the rest of us, he’s got a mortgage. Now he’s the Vice Goddamn President. Not much speaks louder than that.

As near as I can tell, Our Man has done more in a month to reach across the aisle than Dumbya did in eight years. Magnanimous. Refreshing. Futile? Naw.

I think it’s important for this administration to continue being the better man. Extend a hand and when you get a fist, walk away. Spit over your shoulder. Maintain transparency and clarity all the time. Have the cameras rolling and the microphones on. Play us like they did, only in the right direction. There’s no sin in that.

Let the record show who played good honest ball and who didn’t bring a decent game. Who subsequently lied, obfuscated and willfully assumed ownership of the Sore Loser Trophy. All the Republicans are willing to offer is business as usual. I don’t need to point out they’ve screwed the pooch at the expense of the middle class for not just eight, but every year since Reagan. They would have us believe tax cuts to be the key to the Rapture.

Innocence in America ended with the assassination of Jack, Bobby, Malcom and Martin. Corruption enjoyed a nascent emergence with Nixon. Ford fell down the steps and Jimmy fell up. Corruption became an institution with Reagan and Iran-Contra among other things. 41 was hapless but not evil. Definitely a prick. Barbara was and still is, a platinum haired sasquatch. I bet she stinks like bad deer meat.

Clinton was almost exactly what we needed. He stepped in shit but it was mostly his own. Not ours. And forgive me, but he beat them back, they were at the gates brandishing torches and he sent them home. Rockstar.

It all became business as usual with the Dumbya administration. An administration so corrupt, it’s towering incompetence was overshadowed by ghoulish moral depravity and malignant avarice. These guys fucking sucked.

One last thought on this subject: Let’s not forget, despite the gale, it’s in Barack’s best interest to deliver this vessel into more pleasant waters.

By the way. The Cartoon in the NY Post? Fucking racist.

Now they’re shrill about all the humor comparing Bush to a monkey because he was a dipshit. See, that was legit in my mind because it was the truth. The funniest shit is almost always the most truthful. Nothing to do with racism. Whenever blacks have been degraded in this country to the point of dehumanization, monkeys have been used as overt and shameless imagery.

A dead chimp and the caption: “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.”

The Post is owned, along with Fox, by Rupert News Corp.

That may be all boys and girls. I had to get that out.

Make sure you check him before he wrecks him. Our Man. Stay engaged. Think globally, act locally. Judge not lest ye be.

I mean, don’t do what I do, do what I say.

Drinks for my friends.

God is good, God is great, thank you for the food on this plate.

My three favorite words: Former President Bush.

What sort of populace gets behind a John McCain and a Sarah Palin? Sheezus.

Barack Hussein Obama is our new President. A lovely, classy and intelligent wife, Michelle Obama, is our new First Lady. Along with Malia and Sasha we have a shining new First Family.

Kinda golden.

Already so much light and hope against such obvious contrast of our last First Family and the politics of fear the entire administration breathed and exhaled. Dark, evil bastards. Insert stir sticks into each of their penises because they all sucked so bad. Yes Condi too.

Pricks.

The pooch could not have been screwed any harder, more egregiously or with any more violence. History will judge, in a matter of fact fashion and the administration of George W. Bush will either be seen as the catalyst for the end of humankind or the worst in in American history. Pray for the latter.

With all my anticipation, hope, skepticism, doubt and excitement, I still can barely believe this is happening. Such a profound accomplishment, such a miraculous turn of events. I’m only able to liken it to some monumental but individual achievement. Lance Armstrong or Michael Phelps. Unbelievable humans but it really is so much bigger than that.

Exponentially larger.

The thing is this; one man has inspired an entire nation more than enough for it’s people to move in concert with a singular purpose.

Surreal indeed. Huge. In the context of world history, in the course of human events, massive, a gravity all its own.

So very disillusioned, disenchanted and disgusted with my fellow Americans, I wasn’t able to imagine a day like today. There were times so long and bleak, I assumed we were lost. Too far gone. Eight long years with every bigot, redneck, head in the sand ignorant bastard, gleefully but unwittingly complicit in America’s demise. The great unwashed appeared to have prevailed. All the good and the just forgotten and those who had dared pay attention could no longer be bothered to care. Stupidity and apathy ruled the day.

I championed Kucinich for his outrageous honesty. I still adore The Little Paste Eater. Then Edwards for his sincere populism and what I saw as enough charisma to make him electable. I will tell you that a year or so ago, I didn’t believe Our Man had a chance. I never doubted him, I did however, underestimate the American people. Forgive me, I had every reason.

Best mistake I’ve ever made. As thrilled as I’ve ever been to be completely wrong.

He began to remind us that this thing was not about him, it was about us. He was right. Unmistakably. That really is the short answer to how this happened. It was his confidence, composure, intelligence and cool. It was his message, his conviction and the unmitigated, egalitarian truth of what he was telling us.

The other thing is this; he does not hesitate to remind, this is about us. In other words, if we fail to stay engaged, forget to pay attention and participate, we will be lost. Exactly how we got this far is how we will succeed. Nothing less will do. He tells us without reluctance that he will falter. He says as much to let us know that when he does, the onus is ours to rise up and be heard.

He’s does not merely ask us. He’s telling us.

It is obvious that Our Man is antithetical to the last man we called leader. One hundred eighty degrees opposite. Phase shift complete. A crisp, abrupt and elegant reversal of ideas and approach. Above all, inclusive as opposed to exclusive. The size of government matters far less than whether or not it actually works.

He stands and he will deliver. He is extraordinarily capable and adroit, but each of us must assume responsibility. Individually and collectively.

He’s telling us this won’t work unless we are right here with him, his family and all the lawmakers and bureaucrats around him. Without you and I, America executes a pristine belly flop, an immaculate face plant, an end of times as we understand them.

Let me explain something else to you. Real Blues music is there to make you happy, not sad. See, they sing and play about hard times but The Blues is about performance and passion. If it’s real you walk away with a smile and your heart is a little bit lighter.

If it’s real, it’s like putting your hand in rich dark soil and coming up with an onion or a fat carrot.

I’m here to tell you that since there is no rest for the wicked, there is barely a lungfull for the rest of us.

Miles to go before we sleep.

Drinks for my friends.

Bear with me. Take your time. I had a lot to say.

Little explosions of pork fat in a heavy iron skillet. The fire is hot and I’m not sure, so I pull it off. Good move. The bacon just overdone but still sweaty and fatty. No aroma like that of fresh thick bacon. Most folks like it cooked this way. I use tongs to put it on a plate.

Motes bob and dance in rays of sun, a subject of birdsong, butterflies and dragonflies.

Man has almost complete authority over his own clock. Animals, from rodents to whales, have the sun.

I drop a fistfull of white raisins. Some diced yellow onions and a little butter into the cast iron.

Next up is to smack some eggs in the fat and put the skillet back on the crackling morning combustion. Beneath a canopy of primeval. This part’s easy. They cook like that, the eggs. Smacking and spattering. Hope ya like yours yellow loose. Quick and hot. Soft in the middle with brown bubbles at the edges. They’re done. Sea salt? Tapatio?

Someone else is doing coffee. I smell it. Raw like tilled earth. Berries.

Potatos cook the longest, garlic and rosemary. Moist in the center, otherwise crispy and taut. Steaming. Glistening with butter and oil. Fresh ground pepper. With potatos, I don’t play games I can’t win. The best way I’ve found.

Everyone stares up and around. Nobody looks at their food while they shovel it at their mouths. The savour does not compete with the vista, it compliments it, the ambiance of a deciduous forest in the chill of a late summer morning.

Have some champagne.

Next up, pine trees and a good classic novel. Some Fitzgerald or maybe Jack London. Twain. Capote. Then a nice clean spot to evacuate oneself and soap and water and towels after and what not.

I bring my own ointments and salves.

Maybe an afternoon walk.

I never would have made it as some pioneer or frontiersman. Maybe if I was some version of royalty. Afforded a certain amount of privilege and staff.

I just want to live in San Francisco.

Gin and chocolate.

I believe in mankind’s right to self medicate.

There is simply no reason in a country as wealthy as ours that people should go hungry, without health care or as much education as anyone can tolerate. I can’t stand it.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and proclaim that a little socialism might not be bad for us. Not just to give the folks who fall through the cracks a leg up, but to headbutt the absurdly wealthy who have enjoyed political, social and economic advantage by virtue of obscene largess for so long, the phenomena has manifested a momentum of it’s own now centuries old.

It may also serve to highlight the perverted version of Capitalism and Democracy we have chosen to embrace. We are in a place where our adherence to and practice of “free market capitalism”, as is the contemporary model, isn’t merely foolish, it is reckless, dangerous and unconscionable.

Fear and spying, rendering and detaining, holding people indefinitely without charging them………what does that look like to you? An economy hit by a wave any fool saw coming, so strong as to temporarily capsize us despite our size, displacement and power? More waves on the way.

Rotting infrastructure and an attitude of every man for himself on twenty million lips at least.

Hated so much a journalist throws shoes at Dumbya’s melon inside the Green Zone? More on that later.

We are stupid and greedy. Not necessarily in that order.

Fuck anything that moves.

Make these prick CEO’s live in a motel for a season. Three months. Twenty bucks a day per diem. Introduce them to the miracle of cheap chunky peanut butter and applesauce on the same spoon.

Ssshhhhhhhhh!!!

I covet and admire the idea of self determination. So far, the concept and my practice thereof has allowed me to reap almost exactly what I’ve sewn. Can’t ask for more than than that. What I’d like to see is that degree of parity afforded to not just every American regardless of race, color or creed, but every human.

We could render organized religion obsolete by achieving just that. Wouldn’t that be nice? I think so.

Replace an archaic institution that withholds (religion), with a concept, maybe a mandate, far more inclusive and progressive that holds as a fundamental ideal, prosperity of the earth and it’s inhabitants simultaneously. I’m a goddamn genius. Give me a can of beer and a Nobel, bitches.

Anyway.

I honestly believe that the defining moment of Dumbya’s reign occured on this very day, December Fourteen, the year of our Lord, 2008. I’m sure you’ve seen the footage by now. To his credit, our President did skillfully dodge two well launched shoes from not very far away. We learn that this is some major insult in that part of the world. To throw your shoes.

An Egyptian reporter with a pretty good arm fired said shoes at Dumbya’s head and screamed:
“This is a farewell … you dog!” “You killed the Iraqis!” -CNN

Ha! That’s goddamn golden. Forgive me, but if he’d taken one right in the fucking face? I would have called paramedics before screeching sobbing laughter could consume me. Go ahead, picture it. Me laughing ’til I puke or him taking one right in the kisser. Sheezus. That would have been gorgeous.

Picture it.

In any case, it was just so perfect. Vicariously cathartic. This really should be the swan song for the dumbest man to ever be President of America. We should remember him forever as the guy ducking shoes thrown hard by a journalist at a press conference in the “Green Zone”, the safest place in Iraq.

Bush Sr. had, “Read my lips…..”, Clinton had “I did not have sexual relations with that woman……”, Nixon had “I am not a crook”. Dumbya, among all the other ridiculous shit he’s said and done will nonetheless be remembered for his physical adroitness in ducking angry shoe leather in contrast to his profound lack of any kind of mental acuity in any shape or form.

He still doesn’t get that he’s an idiot.

Meet your legacy you stupid sonofabitch. Beet the Meatles.

I just want him to know what a complete loser he is. It’s not just angst. Hundreds of thousands died because no one in this man’s life had sense enough to teach him banjo and take him to the river everyday. They took him to school instead. Millions of Americans made the same mistake and now we’ll pay for it.

I went to hand her the remote. She said put it next to me dear, I’m scratching my butt right now. I looked and she was. So I did.

The Holidays. Weird. Didn’t have the Christmas I was used to last year. The old man was sick. Very. Spent my time at the hospital or sleeping because I’m a pussy and that’s what I do when I’m afraid. He’s so good now I want to punch him in the mouth.

To know my old man is to understand that he’s the shit. He’s only afraid of one thing. It has nothing to do with him. If you’re smart you’ll guess it.

My brother in law, Todd, a man I’ve known of since we were boys, lost his Mother just a few months before. Her name was Dixie and I really liked her. She was a writer. I see her face.

Here it is again. The Holidays. I’m expecting something different this year. It will be somewhere between now and then. Holidays are always a little step back in time. We may all have a similiar lense for this one. I hope so. I’m looking for the love and warmth of family unmitigated by illness and sadness. He is well now. I think it will be big and special.

My ass is broke so the only gift I have is my etchings.

Not being able to buy Christmas presents used to scare the crap out of me. It nightmared me. I was a fairly prodigious giver. I’ll bring really good wine.

Life is good.

Here’s the thing. A well worn theme for me, forgive me if I bore you. The difference between humans and animals is not the ability to reason. It’s not love or compassion. If you’ve ever been lucky enough to share your life with an animal you loved, you feel me. The difference isn’t even a sense of humor. Every cat I’ve ever shared a house with has been funny as fuck and tragic all at once.

The difference is art. Animals don’t make art for the sake of art. Humans do.

I sit telling you this, one of my cats is high up in a ficus tree I’ve had for twenty years that has been dead for at least a year. My other cat sits next to me on a dilapidated red velvet sofa staring at her. If only they could talk and I could understand them.

Happy Holidays.

Drinks for my friends.

There was a shooting in a Toys R Us somewhere down here today. Palm Desert. Not gang related. It was “an argument between two groups of shoppers” -WSJ.

Well now, that’s encouraging. Fighting over what? Toys? Two people dead, so probably at least two dipshits ambling slowly down the aisles of a goddamn toy store carrying guns.

This makes complete sense. If I had kids, I wouldn’t even start planning a shopping trip for them unless I was wearing a firearm and extra clips in my pockets. I’d arm any over twelve going with me.

Sheezus.

Now I understand how so many people voted for McCain.

Americans are in serious need of a bitchslap and it’s on it’s way. That’s the good news. The other news is what’s on the way is more serious than an open backhand. What we have here is a vicious hook.

Just count to two and you’ll be bouncing off something. As per normal, the legitimately stupid and those who spend all day in the short attention span theater will be bouncing on floors.

Man. Why are we so fucking stupid?

I’m confident the most salient reason is a lack of empathy and an abundance of apathy. Everyone is guilty. I, will not be bouncing off the floor, however.

The best thing to do is get involved and stay involved. Even if it’s just paying attention. Reading and listening as opposed to just watching. Take a poll. Write a letter. I hate the idea of sermonizing, but at the very least, pay fucking attention.

Look, if you really stay on top of it, American politics and world events are as compelling and isidious as any daytime drama. Dumbya’s last gasp is to about escape his puzzled countenance and it will stink of pardons and all kinda smelly fuckery. In like a lamb and out like a a rotting bovine tongue.

“I would like to be a person remembered as a person who, first and foremost, did not sell his soul in order to accommodate the political process,” Bush told his sister in an interview released Friday by the White House. “I came to Washington with a set of values, and I’m leaving with the same set of values.” -an interview of George W. Bush conducted by his sister Doro Bush Koch, lifted from chron.com

Poke this idiot out of a dead sleep and he’ll wake up singing Happy Birthday.

He’s just as fascinating as Ozzy Osbourne and only a little less articulate.

Let’s review: Two assholes killed each other in a toy store today, the day after Thanksgiving. The media tells us there was an “argument”. Lesson learned. Always bring your gun while shopping in America. Don’t forget that Dumbya has not compromised his values or sold his soul. He said so.

By far the stupidest man to ever sit in that chair.

We suck.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m just still in awe.

What has happened here is awesome. Forgive me, there is no better word.

I’m so pleased to see America do the right thing. In big ass overwhelming numbers. Historic margins. Dumbya had the retarded sense to declare a mandate after he stole a very close election. Yo Dumbya, check this mandate.

Bitch.

What exactly is up with Biden’s hair? Musta been humid.

Look what we did. Just look at it. They threw a trailer park of kitchen sinks at him and he prevailed with volume and velocity.

Never ever lost his cool. Not once. Flawless run. Every crisis dealt with aplomb. Not a step wrong. Amazing composure and dignity.

He’s just so fucking cool.

I’m pretty sure we don’t have to worry about him getting caught recieving a hummer in The Oval. We will never know. Michelle is pretty smokin.

The arc of history.

We all have limitations and we do well to own them. There is less than one in a million who don’t. Our man is one of those. He’s already shown us that.

He is the literal exception to almost every rule. By name and by face alone, one would imagine he had not a hope in hell. I am so impressed.

He’s our next President, bitch.

I can’t wait.

I’ll tell you why. It’s not his experience or lack thereof. Not his many accomplishments. Not his consistent countenance in the face of adversity.

It is his obvious intelligence and his ordinary life before his rapid acceleration. Despite his ears and the color of his skin, it is his humility.

In my mind, it is the difference between him and every other politician I’ve seen in my life. He’s a good solid man with a beautiful family. He is fierce. This man is not here to fuck around. There will be no Katrina size clusterfucks on Our Man’s watch.

It is astounding to put this man in the same sentence as George W. Bush. The idiot and the savant. Sounds like a pretty good one act play.

The reason I’m so in awe has everything to do with difference between the absolute moron who’s been the titular head of our country and therefore the free world for eight fucking years and the man we elected by absolute storm yesterday.

I kept asking why this was a contest. Turns out it wasn’t

Amazing.

Drinks for my friends.

I honestly don’t doubt McCain’s intentions. He may very well be stupid but I don’t believe he’s evil. Old, under informed, out of touch, but not a bad man. He’s recklessly diluted himself and tragically compromised what could have been a sterling legacy.

I don’t really care. It’s not my area.

That’s my preface.

Obama will prevail because his ideas are exceptional. I like just about everything he proposes while understanding he can’t possibly realize half of it.

What he will do, I hope, is his best. Forgive me for not being dumb.

McCain is. He’s actually stupid. Clueless and out of touch. It is age multiplied by trauma and a perilous degree of emasculation by Cindy the yellowcake powered Stepford fembot. She’s fucking creepy. Don’t look at her eyes. Not even on TV. Your genitals will cook from the inside out.

Then there’s Palin. She too, is really dumb. She can’t pronounce the word nuclear. I can’t help but take exception to that. Eight years of mispronunciation and chronic malapropisms have taken a toll on me. Insult to injury is that Dumbya just plain says a lot of really dumb shit. My ass is literally chapped.

I hear Joe The Plumber was a no show today. Now that’s funny. How sad that he’s become the symbol for Republican integrity and know how. Bonafide go-to-guy. Eclipsing the Clown Princess in the twenty four hour news cycle. He’s their shining example. He’s an opportunistic idiot.

I hear Obama’s infomercial drew big numbers last night. Thirty three million. More than twice the average for a World Series game.

I’ve noticed that lately, when I blow bad air, it smells like McCain Palin. It sounds like them too.

I can’t wait for this thing to find it’s end. I’m more than anxious for it to be over. It’s killing me. The sheer volume of idiocy has been staggering. Five more days until we discover the waterline for dumbass.

Let’s hope it’s low.

There’s at least fifty million of them.

Mouth breathing dipshits walking in malls, attending gun shows and livestock events. Sometimes they drive green and/or orange cars festooned with Jesus stickers. A disproportionate number of hatchbacks, vans, smaller pickups, brown Pintos and Mavericks. Not all of these people are retarded but some are.

Many appear completely normal.

We all have more than casual affection for Metal.

There is of course, the other stratum of the Republican party. The Warlords. Marionette masters. The rich and the filthy rich. They keep getting richer and filthier. They push Faith on the downtrodden. The filthy understand it distracts them from the rape they are receiving and gives them something to believe in. The filthy own that the stupid are just that.

On this, the filthy are not mistaken.

They are despicable. While their country, their own people, sled into despair and destitution, Exxon Mobile reports the biggest quarterly profit in the history of the world while they collect subsidies right out of your fucking pocket.

That’s blatant assplay.

Until lately, that facet of the GOP was the problem.

Here’s the good news. The old money arrogant are having lunches of sardines marinated in Woolite forced down their necks with fists and mops by men and women like you and me. The rich fat fucks are on the ground and we are kicking them in the gut.

Their money doesn’t seem to be any good here. Beaten severely at their own game. Four to one. That’s rich. Pun intended.

Pricks.

Fuckin A.

See, that’s why it’s important. This guy is new and he has the goods. Have you ever seen him rattled? Nope. Think the powers that be thought this guy had a chance even six months ago? Nope. What we have here is a phenomena surpassing that of William Jefferson Clinton. I’m not kidding.

Big Bad Bill got in because Perot split the vote. Our Man is doing it without a natural disaster.

Look at me. In the eyes of America, he’s black. His last name rhymes with Osama and his middle name is Hussein. That’s what I said two years ago. I liked him but thought pigs would launch from my butt before he could be a contender. Much less capture the nomination. I was way wrong.

He kicked the ass of the Clinton Juggernaut. Very impressive. Much respect.

He just keeps coming. Man this guy is smart. The epitome of cool.

Again, ever seen him rattled?

Lemonade.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m a proud American. I’m a patriot. Love it or leave it. Don’t you dare criticize. What other reason could you possibly have for objecting to wiretapping and surveillance unless you got something to hide?

Hell, I ain’t worried.

Like I said, I’m a patriot and I love my country.

Fisa can blow me, it always goes south when appointed judges stick their progressive dicks in it. Liberal judges legislating from the bench are not needed in these circumstances. Our government is just trying to protect us. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re there for.

If you can’t trust them, who can you trust?

Liberals need to relax while patriots can feel good about it.

Sure, I smoked a little dope when I was younger, beat up the occasional sissy. That was years ago. I’m a Born Again, so I love everybody now. I say let people do what they want. Within reason. Less government.

Dangerous times call for extreme measures and there’s no more dangerous times than now. The Arabs and the terrorists hate us for our freedom and want to kill us. Islam is a violent and hateful religion. They’re all crazy, you can’t talk to them. Fucking ragheads. Why don’t they just leave us alone? What did we ever do to them?

If it ain’t Communism it’s some Godless sandnigger religion. They say Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim. It wouldn’t suprise me. He’s the most liberal member of the Senate you know. He’s friends with terrorists who would kill our own. Sounds to me like he’s one cousin removed from hating America.

What are people thinking? A black Muslim terrorist for President? Over my dead body. It’s why there’s that amendment that let’s us keep our guns. He wants to spread the wealth and that’s socialism. It’s pinko. Every American has the same opportunity, depends on what you do with it.

God created us equal, it says so in the Bible.

Don’t come to me if you’re a crack smoking welfare mom. I work. Don’t cry to me about your son getting involved in gangs. Get him a job. Put his ass to work. I work for a living.

Some of my good friends are blacks. Nice people but I didn’t own them or beat them. What do they want from me? It just so happens, they’re black and I’m white. It’s like I should regret being caucasian. Why should I feel guilt for the way I was born?

If you ask me, the only way to solve the mess is to nuke the whole Godforsaken region. Turn all that sand into glass. Iran too. Let God sort ’em out. Trust in God.

Goddamn right we need change. We’re in a real crisis. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Outsourcing. Fuckin gas through the roof. Liberals want to blame the white man. The American businessman. Good honest Christians who are being taxed and regulated to death for just trying to make a buck and go to church on Sunday in decent clothes.

Leave these people alone so they can create jobs and save this country. They are heroes. They deserve and need that tax break.

All these foreigners need to speak American. Say the Pledge every day including “under God” and respect our God, the one this great nation was founded on. A Christian God.

Why is that too much to ask? A little respect, you know? This is the greatest country in the world. Take off your hat and put your hand over your heart when our anthem gets played.

Call me a redneck, I don’t care because maybe that’s what I am. I love my country and I love Jesus Christ. He was a carpenter you know.

I gotta tell ya just because “Joe The Plumber” isn’t a plumber and his name’s not Joe and he can’t afford to buy the business he works for, doesn’t mean he isn’t Joe Sixpack and a regular American with the same problems we all have.

The Bible says an eye for an eye and that’s why abortion doctors sometimes reap what they’ve sown. I don’t condone it but I understand. Even if it’s rape, it’s not up to us to decide. I mean, a life is a life. The bible says so. Unless of course, if that life has taken another, or sold dope, or is a traitor or a terrorist. Face it, what better deterrent is there than the death penalty?

People should understand that we’ll kill them if they screw up in America. Justice should be swift and mighty. Every war, including this one we’re in now, is for justice and truth and democracy. Even when it’s really hard, America does the right thing. Always.

You know, W. is a good man. He made a few mistakes. All Presidents do. Nobody’s perfect. He cares about us. I feel it. He’s a good man. I’d really like to have a beer with him. I bet he’s friendly and regular. Cheney’s a little spooky but he’s just the brains of the operation.

So whatever about the gays. It’s a choice and there are consequences. We all pay a price for bad decisions and that’s one of the great things about America. Accountability. No way will this American stand for faggots who want to soil the Christian institution of marriage. It’s holy and sacred. Can’t you people just leave it alone? What difference could it possibly make in their lives and their futures?

It’s a symbol. That’s why they want it so bad. It’s just silly.

Show me a homosexual and I’ll show you a liberal. Wanna bet?

It’s like they think it will make them legitimate somehow. Uh, not in the eyes of this patriot.

In a lot of ways, it’s like the French. We saved their asses in The Big One. What have they ever done for us besides sneer and act like we’re bullies and brutes? Overcharge us for wine and cheese. Ingrates. Why do we bother?

Those countries that sell their oil to the Chinese instead of us; it might be time to introduce them to the United States Navy.

McCain fought to save us from communism. He’s got my vote because he’s a genuine hero. This Sarah Palin is sassy and real and they’re both mavericks. I like that. I don’t care how smart Obama is. That’s not was this is about. I’ve always been suspicious of book learning as opposed to street smarts. This guy Obama eats arugula and fish eggs. He went to Harvard. I think his wife did too.

Tea with a pinky out.

By the way, Michelle Obama has been ashamed of America. Only recently proud. Can you believe this shit? Now what does America, the best country in the world, have to be ashamed of?

You know what else bothers me? What does it say to the rest of the world if America elects an African American Muslim for President? The world respects us. We are the example. America is the bar. There’s a ton of responsibility there and we’re gonna be held accountable.

The one thing I can agree with the liberals about is the idea that this country has it’s head in the shitter.

We can’t afford this second guessing and insecurity when it comes too choosing our leaders. A man with over two decades in the Senate. A man who’s crashed four airplanes and is still with us. A woman who shoots moose. A woman who’s been both Mayor and Governor of the wilderness. Both these Americans are patriots.

A woman who doesn’t break a sweat while spending more than twice what most American’s make in a year on two months worth of clothes. She wants to look good for us.

A man who’s not afraid to call his wife a “cunt” in public.

Drinks for my friends.

Doubtfire was indeed funnier and somehow more caustic than Our Man at the Alfred E. Smith thing. He did very well. Props. His jokes were better, his timing superior and his sword sharper. Very funny.

Reminded me of the McCain I had reason to admire some eight years ago before he was beaten and left to die by the side of the road at the hands of the neoconservative trifecta of Rove and Dick-in-Bush.

He understands he’s got nothing to lose. Poor bastard.

It seems insane to me that I considered voting for him then. I did though, I thought about it. I remember standing in the shower considering it. We Democrats are silly like that, all pie in the sky for logic, sensibility and integrity.

Maybe that’s who he was back then, I don’t know.

History will see tonight as a dignified swan song. A brief whiff of the man he used to be. Sweet to be reminded of a man who has since lost his way. Well, kinda.

Our Man did just fine. Somewhat more self deprecating, a bit more humility, a blade not as sharp and ultimately less funny. Oh well. Can’t win ’em all. Water under the bridge.

Man I want this to be over. There is so much to be done. So much needs to be jerked from the now and put right for the future. Our future. Time is wasting. Atrophy. Deterioration and effects deleterious. Players and clowns and people not serious. Oh, the humanity.

Joe The Plumber, who’s not a plumber, evinced by Doubtfire twenty one times last night. Not a plumber, under a tax lien and not enough capital to buy a business worth only about a hundred thousand dollars. He would actually benefit from Obama’s tax plan.

It get’s worse. He compared Our Man to Sammy Davis Jr., yeah, his tap dancing skills. On top of all that, he looks to me like Joe Sixpack and Madame Skinhead procreated. Say it ain’t so Joe!

Good God you people are fucking stupid. It’s like when you’re really baked, you’re not sure if you said it or thought it.

I’m sure I saw it.

“It perfectly sums up the entire mythos that this conservative populisms functions on……….there’s this tremendous gap between the mythical creature “Joe The Plumber” and the actual real life guy. It shows that the modern Republican party etc……..are so much more invested in a caricature of ordinariness than they are in actual real life ordinariny people…..” – Christopher Hayes, Washington Editor of the Nation magazine on MSNBC with Keith Olbermann.

I think this brand of obfusicatory bullshit should serve as McFuckstain’s actual reckless and desperate legacy. Just like Dumbya and all the rest of the flat earthers. Begone you fucks. Enough is a fucking nuff.

And you thought I was gonna be nice.

Drinks for my friends.

The DOW down seven hundred thirty points today. Uh huh.

CNN says Doubtfire won the first half hour. I have a bridge for sale. When the gate opened, he stuttered and the ball fell to the floor. He drooled a little and recovered, but c’mon.

Cool calm and composed was Our Man. Nice. Substance long. We did fine.

Doubtfire actually looked at Our Man this time and engaged him. Best he’s done so far. Still, far less specifics and far more boiler plate bullshit stump rhetoric spewed by McCain than Obama. The “he’ll raise you taxes and I won’t” crap.

Frustrating in light of Obama pointing out over and over that his plan calls for cuts for nintey five percent of us. It’s like Doubtfire has pockets full of dead horses. Turns out he does. Poor bastard.

Forgive me the anger of what you are about to receive.

McCain takes upon himself to label Our Man’s tax policies “class warfare”. Were he to say that sitting next to me at a table I’d have swung for his mouth hard. The most massive redistribution of wealth in history has taken place under this administration and guess where the fucking money went? Check your goddamn pockets. After knocking him from his chair I’d be yelling and probably kicking. I’d be screaming words like AIG, Keating, Haliburton and Exxon/Mobile. This particular kind of egregious double contrary speak makes we want to go fucking nuclear. Fuck you McFuckstain, that’s a lie.

Anyway.

McCain’s hatchet and scalpel analogy was damn good. Props. That would be excellent.

Ayers and Acorn flatlined and Joe The Plumber was far from a game changer.

Either his legs or his lungs failed him. It’s fair to say that he stumbled upon his own energy crisis. He has neither the wit nor the wherewithal to keep pace with this Man of Ours.

The Ohio undecided focus group (UM’s*), hosted by CNN said it was that one, over the other one, by fifteen to ten. Yup. The first CNN polls are pretty wide and I’m done with all punditry at 8:23 pm.

It was the most interesting and entertaining of all the Presidential debates. McCain swinging harder than ever but never finding much more than air. He just couldn’t connect. Obama was smooth, extraordinarily skilled and athletic. Doubtfire acknowledged it a couple times by remarking on his eloquence. He did so with a sneer and it cost him. John McCain is an arrogant prick and people see it.

Today CNN’s electoral map shows Obama all but locked down for 277 electoral votes? 270 is the majority. Ahem.

David Gergen said in answering the question what does Mcain do now, answered, “Beat’s the hell out of me”. Big laughs. The Bootlicker threw the best he had and it wasn’t good enough. He went on to advise that Doubtfire should begin working to stop the Republican loss of blood in the House and the Senate, get positive on the economy and lose the Bill Ayers obfuscation tactic.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Small, because most of you know or at least suspect. A lot of things being promised by either man, hoped for and aspired to, are not realistic. Probably not possible. Very unlikely. My focus is and has always been, on the intelligence and capability of the individual who would lead us out of this magnificent clusterfuck.

I am more secure than ever, that I and most Americans will ultimately do right by ourselves when it comes to these two men. Given the state of our Republic and of the rest of the world, I feel about as good as I possibly can about what is likely to happen next. I am pleased.

“Um’s” (unaccompanied minors)*, you know, independents and undecideds, will break for Obama. Not by a wide margin, but it will be more than enough to carry the day. Yes, that was an official brainspank prediction. We will know by midnight our time.

Here’s a keen and salient observation on my part. Their heads. They are opposite in shape. Doubtfire’s is bottom heavy. Fatty jowls vs. a rather sizable upper cranium. I’m just saying.

Seriously, who’s your Daddy?

Drinks for my friends.

*new nick name or nomenclature

So the market rebounded dramatically today.

Again, I’m no economist.

I am here to testify that common sense can and must be applied to every situation. So, at the risk of sounding pessimistic, I say so what?

Paul Krugman won the Nobel for economics today. He’s sure Dumbya is a retard.

Volatility IS the problem. Inconsistency IS the nemesis. Symptomatic of emotional instability on a foundation that is rotting. Eroding. Today we witnessed some euphoric sentimentalism. The economy is bipolar, perhaps even schizophrenic. At this point, it climbs hills only to tumble down the other side.

Common sense indicates to me that the market has yet to find bottom and the gains of today won’t mean dick within a month. Irrational exuberance. Denial ain’t just a river, it’s the season and the reason for the vulgarity of most things these days.

An economic clusterfuck years in the making is far from vulnerable to a single magic bullet no matter how pure the silver of the slug. Such precipitous decline cannot be undone or even mitigated by one day of activity on The Dow; hardly the Holy Grail of economic indicators.

Unemployment flirts with nine percent in places like Ohio. Auto stocks at a fifty year low. Record foreclosures and markets across the world reeling, careening. We keep talking about the cash we’re going to throw at the fan but we simply don’t have any and metric tons of shit have already hit that same fan. What little paper we can gather will probably just stick.

The hangover has just begun. America has regained a tenuous purchase on consciousness only to learn that even the hair on our head aches with vengeance and what may be the cause of our awakening is the oxygen from the respirator or the fact that our balls itch like mad.

I’m sorry to tell you that we’re still screwed nine ways to Sunday and from hell to breakfast. Drastic measures are no less vital than they were last week.

Sooner or later the fan will have to be cleaned.

By the way, why’s the NYSE open on Columbus Day? Even the banks were closed in recognition of the Grand Pooh Bah champion of revisionist history. Columbus Day is a mere symbol of American douchebaggery. By most accounts, Columbus tortured, raped and pillaged his new world. Amerigo Vespucci most likely discovered or at least recognized North America and guys like Leif Ericson were here a half a millenium before.

Let us not forget the rightful owners, the indigenous, the native Americans whom we would spend centuries slaughtering while cramming Christianity down upon. Today I drink to them.

Whatever.

I’m still excited about Our Man and he’s doing better everyday. Hope and Change. He offers nuanced and reasonably rich conversation on our economy. He is cool and consistent. Wisdom, restraint, discipline. By contrast, McCain is an ugly sightless carp half out of the pan and flopping while a blind eye burns. Talk of firing staff three weeks before the election.

Even I have to confess that despite the quality of Barack’s ideas, there seems to be little talk of how they will be funded. I don’t expect him too get too specific as he’s already talking over a lot of American heads, but I sure would feel better if he would just tell everybody our ass is broke and this is gonna suck for a month or so of your least favorite day of the week.

I would welcome that honesty from Doubtfire as well.

Sooner or later the fan will have to be cleaned.

Fuck me, everyone should be saying it. Do they think it’s a secret?

Drinks for my friends.

This is crazy. World markets are convulsing. Lose the image of a spasm. This is flopping on the floor foaming at the mouth crazy epileptic shit. Jam something in the maw to prevent tongue swallowing and pull the furniture away, it’s a grand mal baby.

Dumbya shows up on television like a deer in the headlights. This shit is way over his head.

In concert, banks of the world moved yesterday to simultaneously slash prime by half a percent. That’s five hundred basis points, as a neophyte banker I can tell you that’s a shitload of lucre. Money is traded on a hundredth of a percentile. This level of cooperation is not just huge, it’s completely without precedent.

Still hemorrhaging though. Bleeding badly. The Dow down a hundred eighty nine yesterday and over six hundred seventy points today.

The bottom is around eighty three hundred. Trust me. I have it on good authority. That’s a scary number. I know people who’ve lost everything already. They have no choice but to stay in.

This crisis will lay a finger on every single one of us. If it hasn’t already.

Truth is it has, and it’s not done.

American industry cannot lose forty percent of it’s value without far more than a ripple breaking across the country. It’s a tsunami that will wipe people out. I doubt America will end up a third world nation, but we’ll a see a huge increase in the homeless and poverty in general. Get ready for desperation and panic. Soup lines.

Lots more ugliness on the way.

I almost don’t care what you know. I know what I know. This prick Dumbya inherited a surplus and a balanced budget. We were fine, we were golden. Golden. The thing is, his eyes are way too close together. You can tell by looking at him that he’s stupid. Listen to him and it’s obvious he’s a dumbass.

The proof is in the now bloody pudding. It’s the biggest mess we’ve ever seen. At war in two countries for now at least, and an economy literally eroding by the day. By the day. The American domino keeps on giving as we see world markets slide with increasing velocity towards a pileup that portends to clog arteries major and minor. Asian markets are shitting pants as we speak.

If you voted for Bush, you’re an idiot bordering on asshole. If you intend to vote for McCain, you’re an ingnorant idiot, stupid asshole motherfucker. Despicable and dumb. Clueless and wortheless. The mouth breather at the pump unable to remember a zipcode. When I see you, I hope you haven’t procreated.

I don’t doubt you’re boring.

Certainly, this should command our attention by delivering a focus onto the crisis at hand in context of the Presidential race. McFuckstain and Moosewoman are suddenly delighted to exhume the corpse of a deceased and rotting nag for to flog in public. They do so with eyes bloodshot from venality and a frantic spraying of spittle.

Sheezus.

Ugly. Hard to watch. Dispiriting, demoralizing and ultimately detrimental.

They really should be ashamed, if for no other reason than their naked, vainglorious audacity.

Meanwhile, Our Man continues to exhort on the issues in general and and elucidate on the economy in particular. He remains above it. He attacks with vigor and his strikes are surgical, but always on issue, never personal. I am pleased and inspired. Obama consistently endeavors, despite every low blow, to remain on the high road. He is a class act.

Stewart has fucking Deniro on tonight. How cool is that?

Someone yells “kill him” at an event. McCain says nothing. He calls him “that one” in a nationally televised debate. Discourse off course. Reckless and irresponsible. Amateur hour at the feckless cafe. Farting in public. Blowing your nose over your date’s food. Shit running down your leg.

Fuck these guys. They act like they’re new.

Drinks for my friends.

I don’t know.

I was looking for more.

No wild swings, no haymakers. Certainly no knockouts.

Our Man was more dignified and in control. The composure of restraint served him well once again. Obama prevailed, but not so clearly or decisively, as last time. A net loss for Doubtfire, the salient reason, he’s behind in the polls and sliding. The onus was clearly on McCain to impress us. Didn’t happen.

The Bootlicker did a lot of flatlining.

I expected and even predicted that Our Man would throw more power punches tonight. I didn’t know then what I know now. He didn’t need to. It’s changed since their last meeting. He is winning.

I don’t mean to impart that I found it less than interesting. It was compelling.

Just talked to my Mother and her sentiment is more or less congruent with mine. She yelled at me for interrupting the post game analysis.

Cindy Stepford McCain said today that Obama has “waged the dirtiest campaign in American history,”. Fascinating. An insane thing to say in light of what the entire McCain family was subjected to at the hands of the unholy trinity of Bush, Rove and Cheney in two thousand. Amusing, in light of Palin’s recent remarks insinuating Our Man is some kind of terrorist.

That statement, by the actual Mrs. Doubtfire, smacks of raw and unmitigated desperation.

Also telling is the fact that McCain walked away when it was over and Our Man and Michelle stayed to engage.

Fresh diaper?

We are in good shape.

I can tell because they’re stepping on their own vagina lips to embarrass themselves. Desperation always smells worse than ass. More like many asses. Like a sewer. It’s why desperation rarely attracts much more than pity.

I need to address something else here. Forgive me, it’s not the first time. The question of why, if Obama is so clearly on the right side of America’s concerns and issues, why isn’t he ahead by twenty points? Economy in the toilet, unpopular war and McCain and his party are entirely culpable. It’s been an underlying theme since the primaries.

Why was it such a barfight for this man to close the deal and knock Hillary the fuck out?

Let’s just forego the requisite polite and feigned naivete here. It’s because he’s black and racism is alive and well here in the greatest country on earth. Were he a white man, it would be over but for the shouting.

The good news is, he appears to have left that brand of blasphemy behind. Not entirely, but you see it.

Indeed, America sees not a black man, certainly not a terrorist or a muslim. America sees a man. A strong, principled, intelligent, capable American man with the courage of his convictions. Congratulations my fellow citizens. The majority of us have seen fit to judge a man based on the content of his character rather than the color of his skin. We have begun to realize a dream, the shape and size of which could propel all human beings further into this century with prosperity and equality unlike we’ve ever seen.

It doesn’t suck that the competition is the Keystone Fucking Cops.

Forgive my enthusiasm. It’s just that the unthinkable is damn near at hand. A shift of this archaic and obsolete paradigm. It looks like we may have had enough. Pretty goddamn exciting if you ask me.

Too bad they had to screw the pooch this violently to even risk losing power. Too bad about the mess Our Man is walking into. Don’t forget, getting elected President is like getting a record deal; not the end all but the very beginning. We hope.

Drinks for my friends.

Just like Doubtfire, economics is not my strong suit. I took macro and micro in college, over twenty years ago. I bought and sold a house that earned me a profit. Kinda. I can do math in my head. Kinda.

Ironically, in recent months I’ve become a banker, monkey suit and all. Not a real banker, but I sell credit, money. Most of my work is from home surrounded by empty containers of every kind. Gin bottles and ketchup packets, candy wrappers and Lysol dispensers. Fast food wrappers and plastic bags from Rite Aid.

I don the gorilla costume to actually show up at the bank and close deals I’ve solicited. Haven’t made shit yet, but I like my job.

Anyway, this bailout was a shitty bill, yet the stock market reacted disastrously when it didn’t pass. It cost American industry over a trillion dollars in one day. That’s a figure neither you or I have the capacity to even imagine.

The most humongous one day free fall in the history of the NYSE. Just last week we saw WaMu take the dirt nap. The largest bank in the history of the world to fail.

It’s gettin ugly up in here.

For once I agree with Ben Stein, he posits that the ideal would be a bill that extinguishes the fire from the bottom to the top. A bill that would allow for assistance to the homeowners and therefore trickle up if you will, to strengthen the lending institutions and banks on the verge of collapse. I’m a populist, so I tend to cast a favorable eye on an idea like that. The rich have made their money, the middle class are getting shithammered. The poor are more fucked than ever.

For you ingnorant fucks, ‘populist’ is code for socialist or even communist.

I also agree with Stein and Paul Krugman that something has to be done and fast. Credit must flow in ways you and I don’t understand. This is a financial conflagration that must have high pressure hoses trained on it right away.

Yes, it’s the fat bastards that are on fire, it’s weird how their outer layer pops and sizzles like bacon. I hate the smell of their hairy backs burning. Unfortunately, they still have the keys to the universe for most of us. Pricks. No matter what, it’s gonna suck, so we need to get started.

It’s ok they were allowed to burn for a few.

Put the fire out and hang the rich later.

I’m really not interested in who said what and why it didn’t pass. Pelosi chastised the dickheads and their panties ended up in a bundle. That makes them pussies. It’s awfully nice to see John Boehner get spanked by his own party though. I hate that guy. High comedy. Excellent drama.

Maybe just this once, partisan politics will lead to better legislation. Maybe. I hate to say it, but I’m of the opinion that congress needs to pass something and Dumbya needs to sign it. Sooner rather than later.

By the way, have you seen Dumbya lately? Looks like he’s been on the recieving end of a few too many blanket parties. I bet he’s drinking again and I don’t blame him. He’s the biggest fuck up in the entire world. He’ll end his days in a comfortable chair stinking of beer and cigarettes. In an upscale Texas trailer park. A doublewide with a paved carport at least. The high point of his day will be Jerry Springer and watering the dry patches out back. Around seven he’ll switch from beer to whiskey. His neighbors will like him and he’ll hang lights for Christmas until he falls in the kitchen and breaks his hip. He’ll stop beating Laura.

Forgive me.

What will be interesting, is the Vice Presidential debate on Thursday, the same day Congress returns after holiday. Palin vs. Biden. I like Joe Biden but it will be the blowhard against the moose in headlights.

What’s up with the old man showing up to hold Whats Her Name’s hand for round two with Katie? Pitiful. Sheezus. He doesn’t trust her and she doesn’t know shit.

So much for suspending your campaign and postponing the debate until the crisis has been averted, huh Doubtfire? Go home and ride the mower dude.

“He [Dumbya] tried to ruin the country in his first term, now he’s trying to ruin the world in his second term. Let’s not give him [McCain] a third term”. -Paul ‘high functioning moron’ Begala

“We may all be killed” -Paul, Blue Velvet

Drinks for my friends.

Paul Begala said it of Dumbya about his speech last night and whether there was any resonance. I fell off the couch howling.

He was saying that no one cared. I had to watch the speech in pieces. A yawner. I kept thinking about how close together his eyes are.

The full twelve minutes was empty of anything save for common knowledge and the mashing, over and over, of the fear button. The red one that makes bells ring. He really should just stay out of this. He wields zero influence and has long since squandered any credibility, particularly in matters financial.

A high functioning moron.

And did ya see McCain’s broad with Katie Couric today? You have got to be fucking kidding me. I’m comfortable calling her a broad because she shoots magnificent defensless mammals but ducks the press. This broad is dangerously clueless.

I really hope Doubtfire takes a powder tomorrow night in Mississippi. What a tool.

Washington Mutual took the dirt nap today. Biggest S&L in the country and the largest bank in the history of the world to ever collapse. JP Morgan bought all the juicy debt. I think we got stuck with the rest.

It’s surreal, as it gets better, as in more entertaining, it gets worse, in terms of consequences.

A materialization of the perfect storm. The tempest without flaw that I’ve been predicting for years. There is no joy in being right about this one. It’s stupid and disgusting.

The blame here rests as much on John Q. Public’s shoulders as it does on any head of state, titular or not. We allowed this. We encouraged it with our ignorance, apathy, laziness and cowardice. We are fools on this ship already compromised of buoyancy by failed leadership. Despite the obviating of the inevitable. As we speak, this vessel of American prosperity and potential heads full steam towards the mother of all icebergs.

Good job. We should all take a bow. Yes, especially the stupid ones. Couldn’t have done it without them.

Know what alarms me the most about the whole thing? We don’t have the money. It’s preposterous. We are so broke we can’t pay respect. They say seven hundred billion but we’re borrowing ten billion a month for Iraq.

Guess what passed yesterday? A defense spending bill for over six hundred billion. Understand that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are not accounted for in that bill.

Start thinking about who you can blow and/or people with extra rooms. Prioritize things like clotheslines, wells and land enough for crops. Don’t worry about propane camp stoves, but a tent, sleeping bags and firearms are all smart purchases. Don’t forget the bullets!

I’m not here to dip your popsicle in dog hair but you need to be on top of this. This shit is realtime. Many of them are shrugging their shoulders with the attitude that it’s one last ass rape before they walk away. They. Don’t. Care. Think Doubtfire does? I don’t. He’s taking an unsanctioned time out. Tried to cover himself by putting Palin out in front today. No luck to be had there. She hit her mouth on the way down.

High comedy.

Both of them made of paper. One born that way, the other worn down to it. Empty shells. Empty suits. A future of mere mediocrity awaits both, regardless of how the election lands.

Barack Hussein Obama will not save us. He will not deliver us from evil. Yet I have every reason to believe that it is within his power to change the direction of this country. That is what I expect. It is why I will vote for him. I must tell you that my optimism is heavily mitigated by my fondness for the truth in the form of absolutes.

There is honesty and lies in almost everything. Black and white, cut and dried is still available, but rare. I respect the gray but seek and heed the black and white. Absolutes.

Here is absolutely the most honest and truthfull thing I can say to you. Barack Obama is your best bet. He is your only bet. Nader and Ron Paul have ceased to matter. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You don’t want to put your money on the other side. Even if you win, you’ll be very, very sorry.

He’s not here to come into your livingroom, solve your problems and go next door to solve theirs. Anyone who claims to do that is a liar. I’m hoping he can swing enough lumber to restore some fairness for Americans despite race or class. I don’t know he’ll do this but I think he can.

I do expect him to get busy on this pointless war.

Drinks for my friends.

My epiphany smacks of *gasp*, socialism and radicalism.

It’s pretty out there. As a concept, I mean.

Here we go.

Why not implore, nay, beseech those who have benifitted so lavishly from America’s free market economy to pony up some filthy fucking lucre? Why not? Tell me that the collective benificiaries of golden parachutes, exorbitant severance packages and stock options et al. aren’t clutching bags and satchels of liquid capital that could go a long way towards remedying this consummate financial malaise.

Tell me. Why not?

Sumner Redstone, Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates and all their kooky country club cronies. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Don Henley and Garth Brooks. Mel Gibson, George Clooney, Matt Damon and Jay Leno. Hannity, Limbuagh and Olbermann. Stwart, Colbert and that guy in the Mac commercials. Letterman.

Lotsa these guys are already philanthropic. Together, our overpaid celebrities, athletes and CEO’s could go a long way towards solving this. That is of course, if they are true patriotic Americans.

All of the aforementioned and thousands of others are going to be just fine regardless of the way the bail out is structured or who wins this election. Little, if not nothing, to lose.

What say you elites?

I mean to say, if you care at all about the normal workaday citizens who put all that money in your pockets in the first place.

After all, the dramatic shift in the concentration of wealth is at the root here, a phenomena as culpable as any impropriety or outright fuckery. It was unsustainable. No way was it gonna fly for very long at all. Many of you have been on the tit for way too long.

Most of you.

Put that chunk of their wealth into a fund for the people. An institution created for the sole purpose of helping average Americans to keep a roof over their heads and maintain the ability to feed and clothe their children. It’s not socialism if it’s not a government mandate. It’s profoundly American if they choose to share their good fortune and give back to a society that has made their success possible in a world that otherwise may have excluded them.

Not subversive in any way, as long as the institutions recieve not a single red penny. Could be a complex bureaucracy, but not if you let me run it. Trust me to rock that shit.

By the way, Doubtfire put his giant vagina in full view today after recieving a phone call from Our Man seeking cooperation for a joint statement this morning. In a shallow attempt at one-upmanship, McCain announced this afternoon his intention to suspend his campaign to devote his limited energies towards the economic crisis. He also requested tomorrow night’s debate be postponed.

Fumble.

Look at my thumb. Gee, you’re dumb.

A blatant and obvious attempt by a man losing serious ground, to wrest attention away from his atrophy by waving a needle full of politics, Presidential politics, at the most serious financial issue America has faced since the Great Depression. John McCain is a cowardly, opportunistic douchebag.

In all seriousness and with all due respect, the harbinger is no longer that. Doom is in the front yard. We are here. The wolf is just outside the door. We can neither come or go. Understand that homeless people will no longer be an exclusive fixture of metropolitan areas. We are flirting with soup kitchens and tent cities are already a burgeoning reality. People are about to suffer in ways most of of us have never witnessed. This is bad.

It bears pointing out that before Dick-in-Bush usurped power, we had an actual surplus and things were no less than rosy. I remind you of the painfully obvious, the entire state of the union is completely fucked. My uncles proud men all, Republicans all, must answer the question. They owe me a reasoned explanation as to how and why they intend to give these idiots one more chance.

An alcoholic has stolen from your wallet, your wife’s purse, set the house on fire and provided illegal drugs to your children. Do you still open your arms to him for Sunday dinner? Loan him twenty bucks?

Maybe you do because he’s family. You certainly don’t hand him the keys to your car, much less the goddamn universe.

You know what? America, a once proud, prosperous and generous nation is on the verge of collapse. Chaos. Lawlessness. You think Iraqis went full tilt boogie once the rule of law was removed? Wait ’til you see Americans in action when there’s no gas, no food, no infrastructure and no rule of law. What happened in New Orleans will be a microcosm and will look Fisher fucking Price in retrospect.

Dumbya swore as late as March and McCain as late as last week that the fundamentals of the American economy are sound. For any of you who still buy that, good luck. You’ll soon be on your own.

No matter what, this will be ugly. Vulgar even. No miracles, unless the fruit of my epiphany somehow busts forth with a froth of delicious and copious juice. We all understand how unlikely that is. We are fucked. It’s important to remember who fucked you.

All that remains is to choose the right man to captain our ship through violent seas. McCain has never steered a ship and he’s crashed at least four planes.

Drinks for my friends.

Last night, I met a man named Elmer Pinto. He was recovering from an injury. I would describe him as swarthy.

I really like blood orange juice.

My girlfriend, not so much. This works in my favor. The penalty is heartburn.

I’ve become somewhat of a banker. The worst part is the monkey suit. Kenneth Cole baby.

All the sudden I’m doing mad math. That part of my brain is dusty and smells of moths and tadpoles in a bucket of stinking algae.

I’m not at all confused by this financial bronco, bucking and foaming with mad eyes. Destroying everything. I’ve been predicting it for years. It makes complete sense to me. Walk in the park. I understood that under Dick-in-Bush, the idea of an “ownership society” was complete crap. An absolute lie.

Our Man has known it for quite some as well. He’s been talking about this fallacy for years. Same as me. Great minds think alike. We don’t miss the obvious.

I watched Bill Maher tonight and learned that white women in America can be counted on to be abject bimbos, this includes Sarah Palin. Forgive me but this Palin phenomena is inexcusable. It’s a goddamn farce and her pantsuit is as empty as Dumbya’s Armani.

I never cared about the charges of sexism. It’s bullshit. She sucks and anyone with half a brain knows it. I won’t even contemplate an apology. She’s done nothing, been nowhere and doesn’t know shit. I know intelligent people that are buying it. I can’t figure it.

Join me. Be wary of it all. Be suspicious. Be incredulous. At least be fucking confused.

We’ve gone almost eight years under leadership by a suit painfully empty. Painfully empty. No responsible course of action on any major issue. Everything, every aspect of every major issue they chose to engage, has turned to shit. Inept, misguided, out of touch and criminal. Not necessarily in that order. It has all gone to shit.

How did we get here?

On a ship of fools. A trillion fucking dollars and we have no choice. No choice. Exponentially more severe than the S&L nightmare and the tech bubble. We’re hearing comparisons to the Great Depression from the mainstream media. Fuck me. Fuck you. We’re about to be a third world country.

So let’s keep spending a half a billion a day in Iraq. Great idea. For what again? Tell me why we’re there?

Johnny Deregulation and his Prince of peril, Phil Gramm have more fingers in this pie than the entire Democratic party. His suggestion was to commission a study. Yep, Doubtfire took the absolutely audacious and brazen step of proposing we look a bit harder at it. Get some eggheads in here to tell us what we already know. Brilliant.

Krugman on Maher says we’re fucked for a while. Krugman from the NYT and Princeton, is the real deal, tells it like it is. Naomi Klein says we’ve simply moved the disaster from Wall Street to Main Street. A debt that will explode on you and I. Count on it.

This is gonna suck.

Andrew Sullivan looks thinner to me. A gay conservative Republican who talks a lot of sense.

I loves me some Bill Maher. I hear he’s an arrogant prick. I don’t doubt it. A lead singer with lead singer disease. Moving right along.

Then there’s the notion of Mr. Obama for President.

You know, forgive me for oversimplifying, but what we have here is fear. It is fear of guilt. The older you are, the more likely you have participated in actual racism. Maybe you just tolerated it, but the fear among America’s middle aged and older is genuine. Many of them know they have behaved badly and they are afraid. Very reluctant to own it. Get over it you spineless pricks.

There it is. That is what we’re up against.

The idea that they’re willing to buy Sarah Palin and Doubtfire hook, line and sinker is proof of the rampant stupidity that infects them.

It is regoddamndiculous.

I know I’ve been here before. To warn you. Here I am again. To warn you. Help me out here. Let me know you’re listening, Tell me you’re passing it along. Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, work with me? Please.

It just doesn’t get any more important than this.

Drinks for my friends.

The polls are suspect, but way too close.

I’m so tired of worrying.

Should we brace ourselves for a complete clusterfuck?

The economy can barely walk, lung disease and a nasty infection. Coughing up yellow shit.

The polls are close.

Maybe. I honestly don’t know.

Let’s entertain the notion. Just for fun.

January 21, 2009. McCain and Palin stand behind bulletproof glass beaming. Imagine the splendor. The granduer of a four time face cancer survivor and a woman who in the words of Fred Thompson, “can field dress a moose”. Awesome, the dignity of the ancient dottard and his cheerleader sidekick in full flower.

Behind inch thick plexi, mouths steam as they are sworn. January in DC. No blossoms on the mall for at least four months.

Oh, the pageantry. Oh, the humanity.

Then what?

I’m picturing a return to hoop skirts and a resurgence of marbles among adolescent boys. Pinball will enjoy a fresh popularity. Roller skating with clay wheels and car side service by chicks in pantyhose. Mmmmmm, frosted mugs of bubbly rootbeer. Yo Yos. Hula Hoops. Casseroles and many more things made of yarn than seen today.

It’s gonna be great. Lotsa plastic whistles and balloons and fresh baked pies.

I’m a little sad it won’t be as cool as the future I anticipated.

I wish I could have both. Technology. Broadband internet and Hi def TV. I’m seriously in a holding pattern for virtual sex. I’m really curious about this new collider in Geneva. I like my Mac a lot. I really like the internet.

The innocence of dial telephones, the birth of the muscle car and not a single digital read out anywhere.

Radium watches. Unchecked toxic waste. Korea and Vietnam. The cold war.

Kinda like the fifties. You know, when Christianity held absolute sway in the heartland. When blacks weren’t elitist, much less uppity. They knew their place. Women too. We let them vote but they were aware that uppity was not an option. Not for white women anyway. We kept our shit real in the day. Head of household was just that.

Commander in fucking cheif.

Though this utopian lifestyle will take effect on the same day as the inauguration, there will be wrinkles.

It will be an adjustment, but nowhere near traumatic. Life is good. Take it easy. America has opted for real change. McCain Palin are here to bring change. Long after Obama said it sincerely, these two pillars of virtue assimilated that message and are here to visit it upon all of us.

Wrinkles.

The hot gust of a sulphur and garlic fart. Moist heat and a cosmic resonance.

From loose nukes and poverty, to even white folks fearing the police, peanut butter becoming a staple as well as a commodity. Just like pork bellies. The middle class will become the working poor and there will once again be Robber barons and Captains of industry.

It’s kind of exciting. Maybe train robbery will become viable again. Count on the ubiquity of mid century style liquor store robberies. We’ll all need to rely on ourselves more. Sometimes, it will be at the expense of our neighbors. Sometimes, at their peril. Many of us will be forced into lawlessness. Don’t be alarmed at this change, it’s just how some Republicans let us know they too believe in natural selection. It’s a wink at evolution. Even the brightest assholes are cool with Darwin.

We should all brush up on our agricultural know how. It’s gonna be big in the post technocratic age. Trust me, study your climate and soil. When everything goes down, loot the bookstore for gardening books, nevermind the convenience store. Hit the hardware store for shovels, wheelbarrows etc.

Make sure your cool on sunglases and hats. Steal as much sunscreen as you can find.

The music from the ice cream truck keeps on keeping on behind all of it. So help me god.

Whatever kids. That’s how the West was won.

Drinks for my friends.

I say without equivocation, certainly without apology, Bill Maher rocks. His show, the format, the concept and the man. New Rules is consistently brilliant. No exception tonight. And it’s entertaining. Wow.

I understand he’s an arrogant bastard. Oh well.

How much my perception and enthusiasm have to do with the fact there was only one douchebag on the panel and he was an authentic douchebag? I just can’t say.

Toss him some government cheese for pointing out how absurd it was for Tenet to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Snatch it from him for neglecting to mention Franks and Bremer.

The graph and measure of my fanhood for Janeane Garofalo is far from pretty, but she was on like a pyrex bong. Smarter and more aggressive than the aforementioned douchebag, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal named John Fund. No shit, that’s his name. Get it?

She described Republicans, using the example of the RNC, as unrestrained id that throws red meat out for the dopes. That’s hot. She also shouted, “that’s such unbelievable bullshit”. It matters not at all what she was talking about. She bared teeth and drew her sword.

This guy Fund smiled an idiot smile, obfuscated and attempted to patronize and condescend until the bell. He came off, despite his best efforts, precisely like a douchebag.

Bill brought in Roseanne at the end. She was shrill, opinionated, sarcastic. aggressive and completely on the money. Absolutely right.

The show opened with Paul Begala explaining to us that what Axlerod and Our Man have been doing is similiar to that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson is telling his men to hold. Hold. Hold……..and then he lowers his sword. The Scots commence to open a giant keg of whoop ass on the English. These are my people you know. My ancestors.

I hope so.

This race will be far more entertaining, maybe even more aesthetically rich and dense like cheescake, satisfying like sushi and beer, if Begala is right. I hope so, because it’s also absolutely necessary. I’m over being the pussy party. Outsmart them and hand them their asses too.

Tired, tired, tired of this shit.

Salman Rushdie bats a good clean up and Maher fields the ball whenever Fund gets his bat on it. A couple times, Maher fired it back hard from the infield and hit the smug prick in the mouth. He kept his composure, still it was gorgeous.

Roseanne walked on at the end to throw nothing but beanballs. She only shut up for Bill and spent the rest of her time throwing hard at the douchebag’s head. This too, was gorgeous.

After this week’s media, I welcome the actual pummeling of any mealy mouthed conservative with a cartoon fucking grin. Every successful Republican has one of those unrealistically false grins. Imagine Romney or the rictus on Guilliani. Like they’re drawn on. Like a cartoon. Except Cheney. He hasn’t actually smiled since his late twenties, when he learned to masturbate. Prick.

All four heart attacks, he was found with pants around ankles, both hands on his johnson. Darth’s pet name for his trouser twninkie is Lyndon Baines. I made this last part up.

Maher’s point about cynicism being when you say shit, despite knowing better than the dumb people, you still say it because the dumb people will buy it and they can get you elected, made me somewhat tumid. I couldn’t agree more. Tumescence.

What’s happening here is a collision between the smart and the stupid. A clash brought on by the profound differences in our candidates. Both ideologically, and how they are perceived as people. How people identify with them. The bright and the dim.

Methinks it’s a jacked up set of circumstances.

How much does that suck? The good fight is for the hearts and minds of the willfully ingnorant and the garden variety dipshits. Shameful, and not only because it’s never been won solely with truth and honesty. Yet it hasn’t. Ever. There’s just too goddamn many of them. The ignorant, the willfully ignorant and the masses unclean. They don’t read and they pay only passing respect to awareness.

The righteous rarely prevail in contemporary American politics because of the naivete of adhering to and believing in, justice, honor and integrity.

As I write this, the evil bastards are competing and maybe winning by ignoring the issues save to lie about them. I’ve seen this my entire adult life. I read conservative blogs, watch Hannity and listen to Limbaugh. I know precisely how they do it. If I’m not able see a few moves ahead, I know where to look. I seek the words of the intellectually irresponsible.

Why can’t the good fight do this? Why won’t they? Doubtfire is as dirty as a pig and Palin is the lipstick. Our Man pointed it out on Letterman.

I think what’s been missing here is a willingness to throw hands. Kerry sucked and Gore wasn’t much better. They both rolled around till the Republicans found the wet spot. Either one of the Clintons will kick an ass if given the chance and that’s why they have been so successful. They will light you up just to remind you. When a Republican begins to spit they know to make a fist. Far from perfect these two, but there are lessons to be learned under even the smallest of stones.

Billary are still the biggest boulders in the Democratic party.

Put them out front as shock troops if they agree. They will. Our Man and his people need to take notes. I’d hate to see the most important election in the history of this country decided by the party most willing to punch balls. Yet it’s at least a requisite factor in any modern campaign strategy. Be ready and willing to swing straight for the sack.

I’m not seeing enough of this from my side. I smell vagina. I smell kittens, tofu and arugula, sauvignon blanc and a mild gorgonzola. Our stereotype sucks. Rednecks are known for a willingness to throw down. A liberal would then get a restraining order and sue the redneck. I know, I’m a liberal.

We need to start swinging, because this shit is fucked up and idiots aren’t bad people, they’re just idiots.

Back burner defense, get offensive. Get in faces. Palin and McCain are plenty vulnerable and they clearly don’t know shit about defending themselves. They are wide fucking open. Ducks in repose.

Don’t be afraid to punch the mouthy hick in the balls. You can’t change his mind so attempt to disable him.

I imagine Doubtfire has a handle on this kinda fuckery after 2000. I think he was most seduced by the concept of ‘attack with fuses burning’. Preemptive without regret. The Bush Doctrine. He’s not so stupid as to not understand the size and fierceness of such sociopathic apparatus the evil empire has at it’s disposal.

You know, he’s hired every one of them that visited it upon him back then.

He knows the machine. It ate him. Crapped him out. Now he’s it’s bitch all over again. Unfuckingbelievable.

Tell me you can’t see it.

With Palin, the seduction of McCain is complete. It is done. He has compromised the last of his values. He’s no longer worth a goddamn nickel.

Can’t you tell?

The good news is, both of these flowing like menstrual carbuncles are spectacularly vulnerable from the rear. Doubtfire has been penetrated before but it’s been eight years and they work for him now.

Time for fists. Vulnerable from the rear.

Drinks for my friends.