Archive for the ‘Democrats’ Category

Nothing really happened.

A good friend I haven’t spoken to in at least twenty years left a message on my cell the other day. I called him back.

We talked for almost two hours just now. He’s a surgeon. Painfully bright and very funny. He used to puke out the window of my VW bug after an evening of Long Island Iced Teas when we were underage. Turns out he’s comedically conservative but we still have plenty in common. A welcome catharsis. Left me with a smile.

Watched about three quarters of NBA finals game one, had to switch to Stewart/Colbert. I hear the Celtics had their way. I’m in awe of how insipid post game punditry is. Phil Jackson fascinates though. He’s got a big ass brain.

Pro athletes aren’t typically the most articulate or eloquent.

I’m convinced Paul Pierce indulged us with a little thespianism. Ah well, effectively executed.

I understand the Pantsuit invited our man over to her pad in DC tonight for some face time and maybe a little arm wrestling. Think they watched the game and played a little one on one? How tall is he? Can he dunk? The skinny thus far tells of something private and fairly intimate. I’m guessing she was looking to make her case on her own turf. Fundamental Art of War, chapter one.

I wonder how much we’ll actually learn about it.

My ear feed says now they didn’t meet at her place. Whatever. Her favorite saloon then. The staff knows her and doesn’t pay a mind when she gets heated and brandishes a nickel plated Smith & Wesson.

This just in from Yahoo News: “Obama is seeking to become the first black president”. This is gonna be huge. Who saw this coming? Not just President, but the very first negro one. Watch this story catch fire. We in journalism predict it will have “legs”.

I picture the Pantsuit getting tipsy and surly. I don’t think Michelle is with him. I see Hills lunge for his crotch with crazy eyes. Bill cackles freely in the very next room. He’s watching TV with a voluptuous young brunette but the sound is off. Terry McAuliffe, I think of him as “Chip”, is on premises. Chip is in the nearest closet rubbing one out. Launching a bootlace as it were.

The Secret Service is pulling their hair out. They hate this shit.

Chelsea spends hour after hour applying and re-applying makeup while reading Nabokov.

Our man pretends to answer his phone. He nods and grunts. He makes apologies and informs everyone that he has a sick daughter at home. Pleasantries are exchanged. His limo actually squeals out of the driveway. Inside, a handful of people including the Senator, laugh with relief as they pull onto the road.

In an oddly portentous and perhaps not unrelated development, a profoundly disturbed team of Dick-in-Bush surrogates are poised at the grave of one Richard Milhous Nixon. They are well appointed with tools to move earth. The idea is to resurrect as much black dripping hate as can be had. The operation is code named “ANWR”.

You may think this is a sign of desperation. It is. Relax though, Republicans have long courted the supernatural. Look how pale they are. You know those big ticket fundraisers behind closed doors? There’s a guy in a monkey suit walking by every couple minutes with a tray full of crackers quivering with gelatinous eye of newt. They drink blood mixed with absinthe at these things.

There is wife swapping, drug smoking and therefore a fair number of libertarians. Ross Perot is passing out mints in the bathroom trying to muscle in on the tips meant for the attendant.

And you thought liberals knew how to have fun.

This one is for you Lance.

Drinks for my friends.

What a difference a day makes. Twenty four little hours.

The Pantsuit is gonna walk as of Saturday.

The jury is still out on whether she’s coveting assistant manager or just pining to be asked.

The nail in that tire is Big Bad Bill. He’s made it pretty obvious the last few months that he’s a House Afire. Doesn’t appear as he can help it. I’ve been a William Jefferson fan for near two decades. Not perfect but one hell of a human as well as a damn good President.

Without a doubt, he’s been pissing on a few parades lately while shilling for his wife the Pantsuit. Ugly. Kind of ironic that he’s suddenly a boat anchor attached to her chances for for any gig better than crew chief. The way they behaved, I’d start them both at the fry station and shitter duty.

What Bill can giveth, Bill may taketh away.

Were Hills to become our VP, I’m pretty sure I’d come to loathe our man. I’m not looking forward to that.

What I’d like to see is Bubba as Secretary of State. He would rock that shit. Diplomacy, without his wife as an imperative, is a suit he wears better than anyone.

Some pundit floated the idea of Joe Biden the other day. We likes us some Biden. He’s a bit of a loose lipped cashier, however. My Mother suggested Edwards for AG. Awesome. Other ideas for VP are Wes Clark and Ed Rendell.

I like Clark. Solid. Four Star General. Screwed the pooch by starting his last bid for President way too late. West Point valedictorian and Rhodes Scholar among other things. This guy is smart and might be a good choice given the size of his lumber in a national security debate.

I don’t know much about Ed Rendell. Governor of Pennsylvania. Seems to be kind of a blowhard but not stupid. Not VP material.

What matters most today is how the Pantsuit comports herself over the next little while. Anything less than grace, gratitude, respect and sincere enthusiasm will not pass. I’m sure it sucks to be her right now but it’s time to man up. There’s still a much bigger picture to be painted.

The world will wait until Saturday, but it wouldn’t hurt to get started sooner. Nice start at AIPAC today even though they kinda suck. Time to be classy and cooperative. Don’t be stupid. Send Bill on holiday and show us you give a mad fuck.

Drinks for my friends.

Today I was thinking everyone should just shut the fuck up. Hold your breath. Plug your nose. Whatever you gotta do, just shut the fuck up.

Just wait for it, because it’s coming.

I’d submerged myself in volcanic mud with a straw to breath through and and an IV for gin and Cheez Whiz until sometime near the end of the week. Sharp cheddar, bacon and Bombay Sapphire varieties. I figured, if it’s not over by then, I’ll take a belt sander to my sack o’ testes.

I think it’s time for me to emerge from my bath.

Something definitive this way comes. Regardless of the Pantsuit’s speech tonight, pregnant with hubris, she’s done and she knows it. It’s over. The proverbial voluptuous diva has busted forth with a lyricism not at all lugubrious. Her song is replete with optimism and triumph. The melody is gorgeous and memorable.

Meanwhile, regrettably, Big Bad Bill went off again yesterday. He called Vanity Fair contributor Todd Purdum a “scumbag” and “Slimy”. Bill needs a vacation. He gives me pause when I picture him has co-assistant manager. His presence could and probably would disrupt the symmetry of an Obama Oval Office, the balance of which will already be historically precarious. He consistently gives me pause.

The epitome of the alpha male. Exactly why he was such a goddamn good President as well as the quintessential hot mess. I’m not sure the elixer that is Bill Clinton would be an appropriate mixer in the cocktail of an Obama Presidency. What was once a tasty ingredient may have spoiled into something ruinously bitter.

On paper, he’d be Second Lady. I suspect his johnson might just be too long and wide for that gig. Imagine a future press conference when the cameras keep pulling back for a glimpse of his tremendous appendage at our expense. See what I’m saying?

He’s more than a little reckless. Likely to beat up the softball coach or a visiting dignitary.

The Pantsuit is more than a little pell mell her ownself. Actually, she’s a whackjob too. She’s formidable, but unpredictable under pressure. She tends to turn into a snapping turtle. I used to adore the Clintons. I still like Chelsea. She’s kinda hot. I’d like to have a talk with her about her eye makeup though.

Whatever.

I’m chomping at the bit to get on with the slicing and dicing of Doubtfire. Such an easy target. Doddering. Not cognizant. Out of touch. Unaware there’s a difference between Shi’a and Sunni. Not aware of current US troop levels in Iraq. Not aware of the difference between Iraq and Iran. Unable to comb his own hair. The document dump on his health history for the last decade was something like twelve hundred pages.

His speech tonight was creepy. He’s begun to pimp the idea of change like he’s owned it all along. Please! Creepy. A relatively diminutive gathering when compared to the stadium full of fired up Obama supporters. His tag line was “That’s not change we can believe in.” and a sinister chuckle that made me think of a pedophile. Jeffrey Toobin from CNN, when answering an unrelated question, said it was the worst speech he’d ever seen. We likes us some Toobin.

Doubtfire possesses not a quarter of the charisma of our next President.

Think he wears those garter things that hold your socks up? I’ll take that bet.

Not to put too fine a point on it but, this guy has been dead wrong about everything for at least a decade and he’s a loser. No shit.

Perhaps he was once a maverick. I used to think so. Now I don’t care. What matters is now. As of now, he is misguided, misinformed, clumsy. Regardless of what he once was, he’s now shell of it. If disgruntled Hillary supporters are willing to stand behind this Republican manequin, I certainly won’t lament their noses despite their bleeding faces. They will be few and they will be stupid.

Fools.

America first began to throw herself away in ’63 when JFK was felled by a conspiracy, as opposed to a single man’s bullet. Any and all hope was shattered in ’68 when Bobby Kennedy and MLK collided with the bigotry and evil brought by the same despicable faces. The absurdity of Vietnam broke us further. America has stumbled, faltered and atrophied ever since.

Today I am proud. More proud than I’ve ever been in my forty three years. Michelle Obama was derided for a similiar sentiment. I feel ya sweety. You go. I understand. Completely. I am proud. I am goddamn beaming.

The cultural, sociological and political significance of this day is of an altitude Americans will ever be likely to witness. We have an African American running for leader of the free world. A black man will be President. The arc of his message is sincere, sane, righteous and just. We are fortunate. We are blessed.

He is, for once, the best of us.

What we have had the enormous fortune to witness over the last year and a half is beyond important. It is above monumental. It is hope like I have never seen.

We watched and participated in a man, an idea, that began as impossible. The idea and the man began to be possible. Before we knew it, the man and his ideas had become probable. As of today, I believe they are inevitable.

I will support this man Barack Hussein Obama. I will write about him. I will actively campaign for him. I will do everything I can to help realize the promise he makes. America is fortunate today. It is a very good day.

There is a chance. As of today. That America is coming of age.

From sea, to shining sea.

Drinks for my friends.

You say one must be a few bricks short of a load to like war. I agree. Logic dictates therefore, that we have a profoundly retarded administration. I understand that war is an inevitable component of the human condition, yet it doesn’t make the current state of affairs any less tragic and misguided.

As an amateur conspiracy theorist, I’m confident we don’t know half the truth behind 9/11. Nonetheless, the obvious course of action in Afghanistan was neglected. Our efforts in Iraq were unjustified and the reasons far too dubious for common sense. It’s a horrible mess. I believe this to be the most recklessly incompetent administration in history.

I rather like your proposed strategy of hitting them until they get the point. Our military is so adept at tactics like that and it would have been far more effective than an invasion. Saddam was already behaving far more than we knew or were being told. If Military action in Iraq would have been limited to devastating surgical strikes like you suggest……..well, we would definitely be safer, less hated and a lot better off economically.

I disagree that we should have taken Baghdad and Hussein out the first time. You only need to read the first Bush’s memoirs for the exact reasons why. Everything he, and Cheney by the way, predicted would happen had we done so, has come to pass. Bad Idea and poorly executed.

Look at the difference between intelligently executed military operations under a President who who was way smarter than his son, and the absolute disaster the retarded son has presided over.

I liked Platoon, The Deer Hunter, Full Metal Jacket and I watched Jarhead just last night (brilliant by the way).

Finally, no, the Democratic party is not lost. There is an internecine ideological struggle that may end up being healthy and productive. I hope so. We will have a Democratic President in November and that’s an excellent thing.

Crazy times.

Looking forward to visiting sooner than later. You can take me shooting.

I trust this finds you all well.

the wind blows from at least three corners.

Fates and votes of delegates in Michigan and Florida are to be decided day after tommorrow. Beyond that, perhaps the fate of the Democratic candidates and therefore the country. With any luck, by the end of next week we will have selected our warrior poet and he will commence to bludgeoning the pale man sucking on lozenges and reeking of ointments.

It just begs the question. What the hell went on here? This is easily the most important election, at least thus far, of my life. I can only hope that the future holds contests far less critical than this.

We’re talking the difference between World War Three and……….not.

The difference between the Gods being able to focus a giant magnifying glass through our atmospheric holes so that we all cook like ants, and……..not.

All this, dancing cheek to cheek with the fall of the biggest economic monolith the world has ever seen, or ……..not.

So just what the fuck is up with Michigan and Florida? Why did they defy the DNC et al to move their respective primaries?

Forgive me, I don’t hear anybody else asking this question. Why is that?

They were warned they would lose at least half their delegates. Deadlines expired. Additional petitions were granted. Those expired. Both states, apparently afforded multiple opportunities to color inside the lines. Was everyone responsible a retard with crayons?

Every modern national election holds a collective breath for results from Florida and Michigan.

Why then, swinging that much lumber, would they do this? It defies logic for anyone from the Democratic party to so overtly fuck with this process in an election so crucial.

Unless they meant to. The answer to a question is most often contained in that question.

It has to do with the speed and mass of that lumber. Somewhere, some entity sought to control that power.

I’ve got some thoughts on this but I have research to do. Talk to me. Seriously. You people read but you don’t talk to me. It’s time you did.

Drinks for my friends.

Bill says his Pantsuit is actually winning the election.

He says it’s being covered up.

He’s so good, I buy it ’til I think about it.

I wasn’t aware of any of it. So help me Jesus.

We got a bleeder. The Clinton Dynasty is bleeding out. They flop and smack on tile wet with blood. It’s gruesome and disgusting. Sometimes I hear a bone crack.

Pete Townshend once remarked that it was time for The Who to dissolve before they became “parodies of themselves”.

Not a day passes without the Clintons embarrassing themselves further.

A burlesque, more vulgar every time I look.

I know this, they’d be the first I’d hire for pest control.

They keep prostrating themselves on the national stage, it may be the only gig they can get. What to do with these two? They’re like unruly children screaming and crying in the aisles at a bad neighborhood Target.

My ass would be sitting alone in the car with the windows cracked.

Where’s the vanity? Where’s the pride?

It’s easy enough to be amused but I can’t help taking offense. I may not have ever had more respect for a prominent couple than I did Bill and Hillary.

Waitaminute! Donny & Marie.

Really, I liked them. I respected them. Bill Clinton wasn’t perfect and I’m not thinking of Monica when I say that. I’m thinking of things like NAFTA, etc. Yet we prospered, vast tracts of land were set aside for protection, we had a surplus and the world liked us as much as they we going to. Oil was under thirty bucks a barrel.

Big Bad Bill became Sweet William after his Presidency. He rocked tsunami relief. He was both the carburator and computer chip on a hot running, philanthropic, V-12 engine in Africa. Hills was the whipsmart/hardworking Senator from New York who’d earned respect on both sides of the gully. Then his VP got an Oscar and the goddamn Nobel. They were the good guys.

At this point, the Clintons are just sand in the Vaseline.

With all due respect Hillary, your stumbles on the trail and the shit that’s come out of your mouth along the way, is all the evidence I need. I can say objectively and with all sincerity, that you no longer belong in this race. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been saying it for a while.

Hard to watch.

Every triple digit IQ in this country is hoping the meeting on the thirty first is at least conclusive enough for you to understand it’s time to put on a pair of jeans and some flip flops. The pantsuit looks stupid and desperate. Change your uniform. Walk the other direction. Fucking skip.

The good news is there’s new low fat/ low sodium ramen noodles on the market. Makes it ok to add butter and salt. I bought some. Haven’t tried them yet. I’ll let you know.

Drinks for my friends.

Festooned: Covered in. Dripping in. Shit.

Harbinger: The shit is on it’s way.

Egregious: Potential for making the the thing in question shittier.

Deleterious: It will turn the thing in question to shit.

Quantum: I don’t know shit about this.

Pugilist: Someone who will beat the shit out of you.

Magnanimous: Someone who is probably full of shit.

Vituperative: Someone who talks a lot of shit.

Naive: Someone who doesn’t know shit.

Callow: Friends with the guy who doesn’t know shit.

Ubiquitous: This shit is everywhere.

Unconscionable: The legal equivalent of “This contract is bullshit.” or “Nigga Please”.

Earlier Friday afternoon, she told the editorial board of the Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Argus Leader that “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don’t understand it,” she said. -CNN

Let’s talk a little about the Pantsuit stepping on her dick today. I’m a little conflicted because I don’t really give a shit. Wanna buy a bridge?

Did she literally mean she’s staying in the race because our man Obama might be assassinated? I honestly don’t know. She did say virtually the same thing back in March.

Robert Kennedy Jr. said, “I have heard her make this reference before, also citing her husband’s 1992 race, both of which were hard-fought through June,” he said. “I understand how highly charged the atmosphere is, but I think it is a mistake for people to take offense.” -CNN

I can only say this. Regardless of her intentions. It was an incredibly stupid thing to say. I apoligize for thinking she was smarter.

It reminds me that she’s been bitching about being victimized by sexism in the media.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

At the very least, it belies a breathtaking degree of disconnect. Over and over, her desperation surfaces like a fish unable to right itself. I am weary of the spectacle.

My father is prolifically fond of pointing out the size of the lie she told about drawing sniper fire in Boznia. He’s the best judge of character I know.

Go away Hillary. If it’s in the cards for you to be VP, so be it. Please, for now, hide thyself. The only thing you accomplish now, is the collection of scorn. It will only get worse. America deserves for you to tip the fuck out the door.

Drinks for my friends.

I can’t help but be in awe of the intellectual dishonesty by the Pantsuit when she claims to actually be ahead in the popular vote by virtue of Florida and Michigan.

Two contests we’re all aware, simply do not count. They talked about moving up the primary and were made aware by the DNC if they did so, the delegates would not be counted. Not seated. The candidates signed off on it. They did it anyway. Game over.

I understand the Forida Legislature has a Republican majority, but jackass Democrats voted for it too.

How then, can she with a straight face and toxic smile, claim the delegates should be a factor? In Florida, our man did not campaign. Michigan, he removed himself from the ballot.

Unless both states can be effectively re-polled, and it’s naive to think they can, damage done. I repeat. Game over.

This scenario begs an honest question: Hey Hills, what the fuck are you smoking?

You were a distant fourth for me when it was open field running and everyone thought you had a lock on it. You’ve done quite a few things to tarnish what was once a glistening legacy along the way. I’ve been dissapointed quite a few times. A lake of water has passed under the bridge since I went from amused to disgusted, though nothing compares to this kind of fuckery.

You hinted at it for a brief time and now you insist upon it. Seriously, what gives? You yourself agreed to these rules. Unless it’s part of your strategy to appear braindead, dishonest, a sore loser or desperate, indeed, even if any of these perceptions are deliberate, it is abruptly clear you are not fit to be Commander in Chief of the America we all so furiously hope for.

The America we deserve. One that you cannot deliver because you lack the integrity. You lack honesty. You lack ethics. You are morally abject.

You should be ashamed. Have you no pride at all?

Judgement? Talk among yourselves.

It is the official opinion of BRAINSPANK that Hillary Rodham Clinton sucks.

You are incapable. It saddens me to say it. Your best move is to stop pissing up that rope and take the high road. Show us some class. Think about dignity. I still like your husband somewhat. Can I keep that please?

This whole thing is like a conspiracy with chaos as the only impetus.

Drinks for my friends.

I love that the other day Obama got in trouble for saying Doubtfire had lost his bearings. The McCain camp reacted with incredulous melodramatic zeal.

Are you saying he’s old?!?!

Um, did you say all of Hamas wishes Obama to be President so he can have beers with them, touch their pee pee’s and give them nukes? After all, that’s what he was responding to.

So much for an above board campaign.

Fuck you Little Bootlicker. And for the record, YES. You would be the oldest man ever elected President and we’ve already seen you lose your grip on the ball of cognisance live on TV a few times.

It is profoundly naive for me to hope the general election hinges on issues as opposed to this kind of twatspeak.

I’m in awe of Joe Six Pack’s reluctance and/or inability to recognize the battle has ceased to be about race and has since become a war on class. The war on drugs. The war on terror. The war on Joe Six Pack.

Joe, dude, they hate you, but they know you’ll vote for them.

We imprison more people per capita than any other nation. How many would you guess are wealthy?

It’s an evolution of prejudice. A refinement. A correction. What they meant to do all along. Distasteful, sure, more palatable though. Far better than owning up to racism, because the poor and uneducated are all the same and that’s ok. We need them. They deliver our produce and our pizzas.

Many of you, us, may become them. Actually, many of us will. Just watch. The rest of us are them.

I’m just gonna say this. It will be the stupid and afraid that vote for McCain. This country has been run by old white men for the better part of her history. Look around. How’re we doing with that?

Duh.

The Republican machine will go after our man’s lack of experience like a pack of abused and emaciated pit bulls.

So?

It’s a big fat plus in my ledger. Every year you’ve done business inside the Beltway is just that much more corruption squishing around in your monkey suit.

We got West Virginia on Tuesday. Something like ninety six percent white in an Appalachian gravy. A state where Newt Gingrich is polling at six percent and he’s not on the ticket. The third most suffering economy in the country. It’s hysterical to me that the Pantsuit is gonna hold this one over her head like a boxing belt.

There’s a ton of fucking crackers in this state and she can’t wait for the polls to close.

The irony is that this very group I’ve just endeavored to insult have more in common with our man Obama than either of the other two by about a light-year.

Wow. News flash. A lot of us don’t know what’s good for us. Fuck me. Seriously?

I almost bought a chocolate Hostess pie today at the 7-11.

And by the way, after looking at the actual numbers, even if half of Shrillary’s supporters walk away, Barack can still hand Doubtfire his ass. There’s just about twice as many Democrats voting as there are evil nazi blackhat Republicans. The math is compelling.

I’m a jack ass but I hope not a fool. West Virginia will bathe in ignorance and fear of pigmentaion and ear size. They will select the Pantsuit because it’s what they know. Yet she will not be President.

No matter what the people of West Virginia do, Barack Hussein Obama will be their next Commander in Chief.

That makes me smile.

Drinks for my friends.

Shrillary got her clock cleaned last night in North Carolina, she was able to come up long enough for a gulp in Indiana.

Today we learn she’s loaned herself another six million plus.

The other shoe fell from forty stories in slow motion and made a nuclear racket that no amount of movie theater subwoofers could hope to reproduce. George McGovern, a very loyal and long time Clinton ally, flopped all over the Pantsuit today. He withdrew his support, threw it behind Obama and humbly suggested she take a walk.

Obama talked to us last night and was brilliant. Give this man a microphone and he will park a ball with it.

I popped a vike and spent some time smoking and drinking and engaging in somnambulance while the Pantsuit bleated.

I watched the highlights, but they confused me. She was conciliatory at first, I actually guessed out loud that she was conceding at one point. Chelsea’s chin was wrinkling and she looked to be on the verge. Bill’s face was a bad news shade of crimson.

I was like, hmmmmm. Cool.

She did the strangest thing then, she revved her motor and left the line tires smoking. She hollered no brakes ’til 1600 Pennsylvania. Showed up in West Virginia fifty minutes later, motor oil on her face. Wierd.

Think she’s bucking for assistant manager?

Could very well be a power move.

They, Billary, are too smart for it to be hubris alone.

She’s determined to collect support and voters while consolidating as much power and influence as she can. She will continue until she can’t. She’ll then take those tools and present them as a chip with which to bargain. Or she’ll wield them as leverage. It’s possible she will brandish them as weapons.

I could be wrong. I just got to thinking.

Whatever she does, the imperative is to be gracious. She WILL exit. That is unless, somehow she’s able, in the next three weeks, to catch him raping an underage white woman. It’s sick that she’s willing to wait for that.

She absolutely must walk away with dignity and class. Campassion, courtesy and humility.

There is no doubt he will handle her concession with decency, aplomb and a sincere lack of vanity.

So now you know what I’m looking for, the way I hope it plays.

Whatever her move is, so be it. She ran hard but she is the second horse in this race and the time for her to act accordingly is nearly upon her.

Drinks for my friends.

It’s not so simple.

See, the war in Iraq is the eight hundred pound gorilla in the elevator. We wage this obtuse war on credit. The thick residue of it’s flesh, lives maimed and lost, and insane amounts of money will all be borne by families, taxpayers in and of the future.

You and your children, for a very long time.

It’s dumb. Egregious. Irresponsible.

One half of one million dollars a minute.

The dumbest shit I’ve ever paid attention to.

I paid $4.33 a gallon for gas today. Sixty fucking dollars to fill it up.

Two of the assholes running for the highest office in the land are endorsing a suspension of federal gas taxes for the summer as long as you don’t attempt to fill up while wearing white. An idea that would further jeopardize the rotting infrastructure in this country as well as as jobs that rely on federal contracts generated by those taxes. In the scheme of things it will save you enough to buy an extra loaf of goddamn bread.

One candidate points out the folly of such a suggestion and says it’s not a policy that will save you money, but rather a gimmick to make the other two more electable. They piss back by saying it’s further proof of his elitism.

How fucking stupid are you America? One candidate is straight with you and the other two pander shamelessly.

I paid $990 dollars for a root canal today. It was a molar and it felt like I was getting my head pierced. Over two hours in the chair and I still have to go back. We’re not done drilling and filing in my skull. Next time you’re feeling down about your subprime loan, sit with your mouth open like you have a flip top head for two hours.

I did get some vicodin out of the deal.

Foreclosures are at the their highest rate since the Great Depression.

There was a time when we were the smartest, most progressive and wealthiest country on the planet. In seven short years we have re-emerged as the dumbest country in the most rapid economic and ethical decline on that same planet.

I have long aspired to maintain an open mind. Only now, I’ve developed an ever increasing empathy for those “liberal elitists” that simply walk away from a conversation that begins with any extolling of the virtues of one George W. Bush.

The failings of this man and his administration have become a litany so considerable, to document it would be an exhaustive and agonizing career; suffering the worst and most unaccountable human idiocy, day after day. A really pissed off life. Biographers of Dumbya are about to own the highest suicide rate. Over dentists even.

I’ll do it for $50k. Seriously. In a heartbeat. Bitch.

Five years ago yesterday, “Mission Accomplished”. What a retard. What a gaggle of roundheads. How’s Louisiana? Anyone?

And then we come to today. Just like yesterday. John McCain is alive and well and still running for President. He is a hundred and eleventeen. His wife is an appallingly rich, steely eyed fembot from Stepford who’s face has been in the garage more often than any AMC Pacer still on the road.

Dumbest car ever, by the way.

Forgive me. What I’m trying to get to is this. How the fuck is Doubtfire a legit contender? This guy is a doddering ass with indefensible positions on the very policies Americans scream about in poll after poll. Could it be that the Democratic panoply under the big top is what’s somehow infusing his carcass with buoyancy?

Well, that would make us jackasses, wouldn’t it?

Drinks for my friends.

Precisely what was needed to preserve the fight as is.

A ten point thumping by the She-Clinton.

The rednecks, the Great Unwashed of Pennsylvania have spoken. We are reminded of their collective ignorance. Frustrating at the very least. College grads barely went for our man. Those without, overwhelming support for Shrillary. White, blue collar, by seventy percent for Shrillary.

I am white, of blue collar, arguably white trash, and my people are pissing me off.

The goddamn Catholics go for her. What the hell? No pun intended.

All of the sudden, It is about race again in an agonizing way.

I am profoundly disappointed and very much of the opinion that this divide manifested along racial lines.

There doesn’t appear to be any other logical explanation.

Lest ye be inclined to disagree, study the demographics of rural-middle Pennsylvania.

Um, it ends in ‘sylvania’, like Transylvania. Vlad the Impaler? Just sayin’.

He moves on to Indiana without missing a beat or step. He packs a much larger venue in Evansville than she does in in Philly. The speech does not disappoint.

Still on track to prevail, it will now last until June and I hope no longer.

I’ll be honest with you. Either one will turn Doubtfire into a punching bag when the time comes. Without a doubt. He’s weak, he may have legs but his hands are down on the issues. He has no way to defend himself on the economy, the war and change. You will see him bleed.

The point is this, she can win, but he will bring change. The race is now. The time to bring the best candidate is now, the better of the two will prevail in November. It will surely be a Democratic Commander in Chief.

This is the future, not the general election in November. It is now.

The electorate in Pennsylvania provided proof that they are fools.

The math doesn’t work in her favor unless she bowls seven or eight more perfect games. She won’t. Despite all that’s occured tonight, Shrillary has not shown any quantity or quality to suggest she can do that. The math is still not there.

Super delegates will not oppose the will of the people if only to avoid the perception of disenfranchisement for a third consecutive Presidential election.

Stupid Americans are notoriously stubborn. Then again, so are smart ones.

Trust me, it’s now.

Drinks for my friends.

Here we go, live from the HQ of Brainspank:

She doesn’t look at him when he speaks. He does when she speaks.

Right off the bat, we start with the “bitter” wank, directed at our man Obama:

He’s cool. Well done. He shouldn’t have to answer this question again. It’s over. Polls are out. Little to no damage. Let it go. The man has acquitted himself with expertise and sincerity.

Shrillary tells us about her grandfather. She cannot let go of it. She attempts again with shameless abandon, to pump the issue and ends up rambling.

Stephanopoulos throws a save and Obama gets to rebut:

He fucking soars, elequent and to the point. Uses Hillary’s truthful statement circa nineteen ninety two when she said something like “What did you expect, I’ll be staying home baking cookies?” He was saving that, he wanted to see how far she’d go.

Then we go to Reverend Wright:

He is elequent and she takes the bait. Sheer desperation. Painful. She continues to disgust. Obama goes too long but makes good points. She steps in in real shit by admitting there is indeed “bitterness”.

Nobody notices.

Stephanopoulos throws a nice curve and calls her on her snipers in Bosnia:

She sucks at this. She is spins hard. Shrillary Bad Form.

Our man takes the high road and gives Shrillary a pass. This guy is a class act. Uses the rest of his time to go to issues and ties it in to the idea that we have bigger fish to fry.

Then Gibson throws our man a straight pitch on flag, country and patriotism. He rocks it. Points out it’s a manufactured issue. Stephanopoulos throws a low pitch about some Black Panther or Weather Underground member showing up at a party. He rocks that one too by pointing out the silliness of the question. We actually laughed. I guess Bill pardoned a few of the same people.

Shrillary takes a few chews on it and looks desperate. Doesn’t like the taste after all.

Commercial Break. Let me just say this. This man is Presidential. He is smooth and he is tearing her up. We want a man like this as President, as opposed to the man we have or the woman who wants it. A man who can think on his feet. He is killing.

Onto Iraq:

She does well, but she’s vague. Plan to be determined by advisors. Wes Clark sits with Chelsea and Philly Mayor Michael Nutter. Wes looks a little drunk. He’s slouching, his tie is wrinkled.

Sorry about your name there, Mayor Nutter. Seen The Hatter?

Barack is more definitive. Sixteen months is the goal. More specific, in that ‘we are in trouble now’ kinda way. We’re somewhere very close to the edge of fucked. Wants to talk to Iran.

Yep. He gets it.

They both kiss Israel’s ass and then there’s some acknowledgement by Shrillary and Stephanopoulos that the lie of Iran’s nuclear aspirations are true. Sheezus.

To her credit, she delivers a nuanced overview of the situation and some broad and comprehensive policy.

Barack talks to the eight hundred pound gorilla that is diplomacy with Iran. Forgive me, he get’s it. That shit is going to be a disaster soon. Um. Fierce Urgency of Now?

The Economy:

She pledges to roll back the tax cuts on the rich. A plan for relief for the middle class for health, medical and a pledge to not raise taxes on the middle class.

He says the same and raises her with the notion of tax cuts for the middle. He gives a far more extensive plan and overview. Asked about capital gains he says fair is fair. Billionares should not pay a lower percentage than their secretaries.

I understand he played a little ball. His wife, Michelle, was a class act last night on Colbert.

Ok, she’s hot.

Hills goes to prosperity of the Clinton era. She speaks of freezing foreclosures and interest rates. She panders to the locals a little.

His grasp of specifics and policy is breathtaking. Without exception he’s had a specific answer for everything that’s been thrown at him tonight.

Can’t remember his answer on this but it was awesome.

Commercial Break. At this point, I gotta tell ya, this man is so obviously, so blisteringly smarter and better prepared than her, she appears in my minds eye like a fish kissing the glass and getting stuck.

I can barely hear screaming, because it’s a brain scream. It’s like right before a high speed car wreck that even though you can see it coming, it sounds awful and you’re confused, so your brain makes a noise. Your mouth already did.

Guns:

I kinda don’t care. I mean, let’s do the best we can to keep them out of the hands of the crazy bastards and individuals certainly don’t need access to a weapon that can kill hundreds in minutes. That’s my policy.

Honestly they both do well, despite the silly follow ups by Stephanopoulos and Gibson.

Affirmative Action:

Isn’t this thing over yet? Our man does well. She does well. Wasn’t this thing supposed to be ninety minutes? It’s challenging my attention span. I need a smoke. I gotta refresh my drink.

Gas Prices:

She calls for investigations. Calls for release of reserves. That’s dumb. Otherwise she does ok in addressing the long term and the proactive tip.

He agrees and does a little better with long term answers.

I can’t be happier that ethanol wasn’t mentioned.

On Dumbya:

She jokes. He does very well. Are we done yet?

Commercial break. This shit is exhausting. I’m doing it live. My DVR doesn’t goddamn rewind so I’m bringing it to you raw, bitches.

Convention, Super Delegates:

She’s good. Hard to believe Wes Clark is in her corner. Then again, he’s an aging white man.

Our man goes larger, with issues and policy, an exceptional answer.

No post analysis from ABC. What? Weird.

Here’s mine:

He cleaned her clock. Better prepared and speaking from higher and more confident ground. Give the man a can of domestic beer. It is the best I’ve seen of him. His disgust and frustration was a presence, but eclipsed by his composure and poise. Passion and intelligence.

We need to get this thing over with so we can get on with getting the rest of it over with.

He really was extraordinary.

I’m clear.

Drinks for my friends.

“So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations,” he concluded.

Of course their bitter, I am.

Perhaps the only thing wrong with that sentiment is it’s being of maybe too broad a generalization. It is however, true in at least some contexts. Shrillary endeavors to use the remarks as an adhesive to affix a label of elitist to our man Obama.

Forgive me here, but that’s fucking absurd. Abandonded by his father at two years old, a mother who died young and eventually being raised by grandparents; in so many ways, Barack Obama is the epitome of the American ideal of a self made man. Whereas Shrillary and her husband sit atop a pile of filthy lucre so vast it would feed and clothe a third world country. Nothing wrong with that pile save for the component of hypocrisy Shrillary insists on injecting.

This is non-news on a slow news day as far as I’m concerned. I’m an agnostic and therefore not of a mind to give a shit about any of it. It’s transparently disingenuous. Silly season.

We can do better than this. The Little Bootlicker should be drawing this kind of fire for sponsoring the idea that those very people die for one more day, much less a hundred more years, in a pointless war based on lies and for aspiring to keep tax cuts to the rich permanent. If Shrillary is looking for an elitist, she need look no further than John McCain. Silly season indeed.

In light of that, this kind of rhetoric is destructive, irresponsible and smacks of desperation. It is more than likely that Obama will secure the nomination and Shrillary has just handed Doubtfire a box of bullets with our man’s name on them as well as emptying his piss bag for him. Way to go Hills. You continue to disgust.

Meanwhile, back at the conflagration, gas is four bucks a gallon, eighty thousand jobs lost last month, people are losing their homes right and left, a seven hundred thirty six million dollar “embassy” the size of the fucking Vatican opens in Iraq next month while our troops suffer more casualties and deaths last week than any other so far this year. How’s that “surge” working you pricks?

You’ve got be fucking kidding me.

Drinks for my friends.

I want to talk about politics.

There’s not fuck all to say. Same as it’s been for a week. For the first time in a long time, I’m not engrossed, pissed or excited.

The Reverend Wright conflagration seems to finally be on the wane. For this I’m grateful because he merely spoke the truth, as unpalatable as it was for those who are fond of plunging their heads into the sand.

I loathed the entire spectacle because he not only spoke from a justifiably angry heart, Senator Obama refused to disown him out of loyalty and integrity. There was a certain beauty and honesty to the story that America missed because the media didn’t foist it on a steaming platter.

They chose the opposite. The simpler of the two. I’m pretty sure they did that because they think we’re all stupid. I’m not surrounded by brain surgeons and physicists, are you?

He did the right thing.

Dominating the over twenty four hour news cycle this last week is whether Shrillary should walk away or not. No mad fuck opinion here. Once the primary process plays out, given the writing is on the wall, I would take exception if she doesn’t act responsibly. Otherwise, I’ve no real dog in this hunt and neither should you.

It’s very unlikely that Superdelegates will even attempt to subvert the will of the people. In the context of a gigantically criminal, incredibly specific and therefore surgically effective disenfranchisement that’s gone on for eight years, particularly unto Democrats, I’m assuming we all agree that would be really fucking stupid.

The reason I’m not running for President is I would have invited that bitch to take a walk. With her husband. You two are a serious braintrust; do the math. Not gonna happen unless maybe Billary has an an early October suprise.

There’s still a lot of us that are at least scared enough to forget to hope.

Don’t forget how crazy it is. A powerful and ominous cleric in Iraq with his own army, gets a bug up his ass and chaos occurs with a finger snap. We really have that shit under control.

I’m get some solace from the idea that Muqtada al-Sadr is making our Little Bootlicker McCain look like a doddering chimp.

Did you see the clip of Lieberman schooling Doubtfire?

I loathe Lieberman.

Doubtfire has hitched his little red tricycle to this ridiculous turned pathetic war and “The Surge”. Oh, and permanent tax cuts for the wealthy and “overhauling” social security. How much you wanna bet he’s already got presenile dementia?

The economy is swirling down the shitter. Tricycles don’t float.

Biggest, best, boldest thing we can do for the economy is end the war and start investing in infrastructure. See, that can be steady enduring jobs, education, more money in the community and less for the plutocracy, the corporate monoliths. The evil pricks.

It’s not just freeways and potholes. I’m imagining government sponorship of R&D and technology for green and environmentally responsible industries. Like it or not, that is our future. Or we’re all dead.

Here comes Al Gore. He’s not interested in politics. He’s gonna Guru. I say let him.

This is what it is. If you ask one hundred Americans who their ultimate President would be, probably twenty or thirty would have different, unique answers. This whole thing will ultimately be decided by one or two, maybe five, in a hundred.

See what I’m saying? Keep your eyes on the ball.

Drinks for my friends.

Looks like I’m all but forced to weigh in on this ugliness yet again. I’m doing so because well, Hillary did so today with all the panic, recklessness and shameless irresponsibility of a desperate woman who again demonstrates a glaring sense of entitlement for our nation’s Presidency.

I’m sure you’re all aware That Senator Obama delivered a compassionate, sincere and very personal disquisition on race in America last week in response to his Reverend’s sermons from the lectern. A speech that was as refreshing in it’s honesty and eloquence as was the absence of a cowardly mea culpa or spineless abandonment of a life long friend.

He took the onus off himself and placed it squarely on us. He did so by talking to us like adults.

I’m compelled to point out; a fair amount of what Reverend Wright said was true.

As she read from a prepared statement in response to a question today, she essentially said she indeed would have walked away from that church and it’s Reverend and followed up with the callow observation that we are free to choose our friends but not our relatives.

I don’t buy this shit for a minute. This, a transparent attempt to draw attention away from a blatant and chronic lie about ducking and hiding from sniper fire in Bosnia, by exploiting racial divisivness in the same breath. The only chance Shrillary has is to keep as many white people from voting for Obama as possible. The most efficient means of course, play the race card.

Hillary, you ingnorant slut.

You continue to disappoint. My own mother mentioned she glimpsed a cut-throat passive aggressiveness in you that she’d only observed in the very worst of her female bosses.

Nevermind that your efforts may ultimately be the Democratic party’s demise in a season that was once filled with possibility, potential and hope. Nevermind how proud and delighted I was to have our very first woman and our very first black man as genuine and viable candidates for the leader of the free world and for the longest time, race and gender were not at issue. Nevermind what you and your husband have done to soil what was shaping up to be a glistening Clinton legacy. Nevermind all of that and more.

Have you no shame? No integrity? Is there a line that you won’t cross in order to clutch that brass ring?

If for no other reason than your own posterity, I implore you to let it fucking go. You are embarrassing us. You are staining this process. You ARE an embarrassment to America.

Take a lesson from your own daughter, who when asked about Monica Lewinsky today, you know the intern that sucked your husbands dick, told the questioner it was none of their business. I would suggest that to be far more appropriate an answer as opposed to your obviously prepared remarks today.

And by the way, for you to allow James Carville’s cheap shot comparison of Governor Richardson to Judas without immediate repudiation is just more of the same. Shame on you. Rovian tactics indeed.

It is largely up to you whether or not this contest becomes a protracted battle in Denver this summer. If you allow that, it most certainly will be at the expense of us all. The time for you to walk away is fast approaching. Do the math.

Drinks for my friends.

Our man Obama’s been getting the shit kicked out of him this week. It’s been anything but pretty. Anything but fair.

Finally, CNN takes it upon itself to provide a more thorough context to the sermons by Reverend Wright they’ve bludgeoned us with all week ’til we’re torsos with tubes sticking out the tops of our necks. Turns out, he makes a little more sense than we’ve been allowed to glimpse thus far. Big suprise.

If you think injustice doesn’t exist in this country you’re an idiot and probably a racist. Just reminding you to think about a walk in his shoes.

But you already knew that.

You’re aware, if you read me regularly, that I’ve no patience for this kind of crap. I vehemntly object to events of this nature being injected into my politics. Not by a long shot do the least of my reasons include the conviction that religion has no place in a any political contest under any circumstances ever. I’m more than confident that any of the candidates are vulnerable and easily impugned based on something as inconsequential as who their goddamn pastor is and what he or she has to say.

In the instance of McCain, our little bootlicker, can you say John Hagee? If Hagee isn’t an evangelical whack job, I’ve never even smelled one. I know I have, because they stink like rotting flesh. This guy Hagee is a human shitsmear.

Hot on the heels of that, is race. The eight hundred pound gorilla that our obsequious and recalcitrant mainstream media refuses to stop reaching for the backs of our necks in order to get us to stare at. Once again, an issue that deserves no purchase whatsoever in this contest.

Doubtfire even considered an invitation to speak at Bob Jones University and endorsed a white supremacist running for Lt. Governor of Alabama, George Wallace Jr. in ’05.

See what I’m saying?

Today, Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico, former Presidential candidate and Clinton machine consort as well as Democratic super delegate, endorsed our man Obama.

He said:
“Senator Barack Obama addressed the issue of race with the eloquence and sincerity and decency and optimism we have come to expect of him,” he said. “He did not seek to evade tough issues or to soothe us with comforting half-truths. Rather, he inspired us by reminding us of the awesome potential residing in our own responsibility.” -NYT

“The reaction of some of Bill Clinton’s allies suggests that might have been a wise decision. “An act of betrayal,” said James Carville, an adviser to Hillary Clinton.” -Austin Statesman

Whatever the eventual fallout, Mr. Richardson has effectively locked the door behind him on the idea of running with Hills. I’m gonna go ahead and look at that as brave and wise. He knew he was on the short list for assistant manager.

There is a chance that the fever has broken.

Forgive me, but I’m here to urge you once again to move on from this collision of toddlers on tricycles. There’s really nothing to see. Don’t mistake the ruptured ketchup pillows for blood. It’s the twenty first century, they all wear helmets.

Move along.

Drinks for my friends.

She smiles too much.

It was Hills, not Shrillary on Stewart tonight.

From the latest issue of Hustler Magazine in the bathroom on the left at work, Larry Flynt calls for civil war. Maybe he means civil disobedience, I’m not sure.

Anyway, Stewart did allright.

I’ve just either had a millisecond long flashback, or my Mac just took my fucking picture. Weird. Yes, it has a camera in it.

Sorry. Stewart flirted with shades of purple in terms of obsequiousness. Ass to mouth? Yes. Copious rimming? No. A complete absence of tongue. He was deferential.

There’s a literary term I think I first picked up from Stephen King. Suspension of disbelief. It refers to the willingness of the reader to forget he or she is reading a story. Or watching a movie, etc.

Hills has none of that. I’m not here to impugn her patriotism or sincerity in wanting to do some good in America. I’m saying I don’t believe her smile, her laugh or her anger. I don’t buy it. It wreaks of calculation.

Where is Triumph The Insult Dog when you need him?

I admit, it’s from the gut. In a venue that deserves more attention from my head. I can’t help it though, there is something very very wrong about that woman. Maybe it’s as simple as all defense shields set on full.

This from yours truly, who could at least go platonically gay for our first black President, William Jefferson Clinton. Every time I hear that, it sounds more retarded.

Doubtfire will have his wrinkled and puckered ass served to him on one of those flimsy paper plates with an already bent spork. Were he to be elected, I’m positive his heart would explode in his chest like a fruit pie dropped from a parking structure before his first term begins to flop like a fish that mistook Georgia asphalt in the summer for a cool pond in the shade.

Sorry about that. I get to entertain myself at the same time.

Tomorrow night might just be the most compelling night in the history of televised politics.

Drinks for my friends.

http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/03/04/arts/Clinton-Stewart.php

The GOP members of the house had a dilemma today; whether to hold their breath until blue or take their ball and go home. They opted for the latter. The former struck them as bad form. Unseemly. Immature.

See, the Democrats of the same body were pushing to hold the most dubiously qualified Supreme Court nominee in history and replacement for the alarmingly obsequious and chronically full of shit Alberto Gonzales, Harriet Miers, as well as notorious White House crony Josh Bolten, in contempt.

Minority Leader John Boehner said, “We will not stand here and watch this floor be abused for pure political grandstanding at the expense of our national security,”. What a dick. I don’t care how he claims his sir name should be pronounced, looks like BONER to me. BONER became House Minority Leader, replacing DeLay, after that fucktard was indicted.

It didn’t have dick to do with national security.

Miers and Bolten refused to testify before the House Judiciary Committee about the nefarious firing of nine federal prosecutors for not pursuing bullshit voter fuckery against various Democrats. The White House claims executive privilege on their behalf. It is the furthest this brand of smoke & mirror subterfuge has ever been stretched.

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino called the move “a partisan, futile act” that would not be enforced by the Justice Department. -CNN

Full of shit.

The Republicans were whining for the Dems to renew the surveillance bill that allows for immunity from prosecution for the the big telecom plutocrats that illegally cooperated with Dick-in-Bush in the wiretapping of innocent Americans. Yep, Dick-in-Bush don’t want to see them testify because it will conclude with both their corrupt asses being held accountable.

On the spit, maybe.

And therein lies the irony of the rub. The DOJ would be counted on to execute the contempt charges, yet it is the very same bureaucracy at the center of the scandal for the prosecutor firings

This whole thing is unfuckingbelievable.

Man I hate these guys.

Meanwhile, despite the fact that they’ve hated on each other publicly, Guy Smiley endorses Doubtfire while one of the Little Bootlicker’s top advisors, Mark McKinnon, vows to resign if Obama wins the Democratic nomination.

Obama beat Hillary the other day by a vote total of more than McCain actually recieved all night.

She did however, prevail in New Mexico today by a margin so slim her nails still look ok.

Larry Craig stopped dangling today. Yeah, check this. He got a letter today from whatever collection of dipshits appointed to investigate him. Um, The Senate Ethics Committee.

Oh man.

It seems he paid over two hundred thousand dollars in legal fees for soliciting an undercover cop for sex in an airport bathroom with campaign donations. With money that people donated for his re-election. The letter from the committee went on to say they believed he “committed the offense to which you pled guilty” and that “you entered your plea knowingly, voluntarily and intelligently.” -AP

No censure, no call for resignation. Giant spineless vaginas. Check my categories for more on this prick Larry Craig.

What exactly is going on in the Senate? They can’t even publicly decry this piece of shit? Issue a statement saying he’s a jackass and should walk? Under Mr. Harry Reid, the Democrats are goddamn ridiculous.

The republicans are swimming in shit and the wind is blowing it into their pie holes. Right into their faces.

Senate Democrats walk around with mouths wide open in stupidity at the same time.

Drinks for my friends.

Hills has been bracing for heavy weather all day. Well, much longer than that.

Barack Obama.

The Clinton machine fully expected to be holding it’s ass in front of itself by sunset here in the West today.

I know, huh?

What?

The boat of Billary is taking on water.

It’s a big ass boat, she’s begun to toss a few over the rail. Patti Solis Doyle, campaign manager, will be replaced by Mary Tyler Moore. I mean Maggie Williams.

No apologies; no shit, she’s black.

Is it a good idea to have a middle name in the Hillary Rodham Clinton campaign? Oh, and today we hear of the resignation of Deputy Campaign Manager Mike Henry. What of William Jefferson Clinton?

Make no mistake. This is a contemporary dynasty on the ropes. This really is history. Goddamn this is interesting. And compelling and portentous. I hope you people are watching. I hope you’re singing along.

It is nuts. I’m really worried reality TV fucktards will smell how cool this is and start tuning in and voting. Sheezus. With an abruptness so complete it will have it’s own violent sound, The Great Unwashed will stumble to the polls and chaos will be a way of life shortly thereafter and forever.

Sometimes I can’t believe the shit I talk.

Tonight, he’s simultaneously ice blue cool and incendiary. He’s commanding the votes of women, seniors, the youth, rural, suburban, metro and every income demographic. It is amazing. The audacity of hope indeed.

Momentum. Inertia.

Momentum: “force or speed of movement; impetus, as of a physical object or course of events”.

Inertia: “Physics The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in straight line motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.”

Outside force, apparently not factoring in.

He is a human hurricane. Category three and gaining strength.

His speech tonight is in Madison Wisconsin. I made the biggest record of my career in that charming town some twelve or thirteen years ago. I remember thinking how nice everyone was after spending a decade in LA. They were normal and helpful and friendly. I winced when my soon to be rockstar client was rude to almost everyone we came in contact with.

He speaks with grace, humility and power. He owns just exactly where he is.

“Cynicism is a sorry kind of wisdom”, he says. Excellent.

CNN cuts to Doubtfire and I am struck dumb by the contrast.

He says literally nothing, save for threatening that a Democrat will compromise your values, your wallet and your safety. Yawn. Never heard that one before.

The current Republican administration has with brutal and unflinching efficacy, with malice even, harpooned America’s pockets, her pride and the respect and strength she once enjoyed under the global proscenium.

War. War. War. I don’t dislike McCain. He’s had the shit kicked out of him in a way that we simply cannot begin to comprehend. It makes it all the more shameful on his part that he has actually suggested publicly our occupation in Iraq should last a century. For what fuckhead? Oil? If it’s not obsolete by then, the entire world, not to mention the human race, will be facing the end of days.

For a man who’s literally had the shit beaten from him, he is full to bursting with it.

He is right on one thing. It just happens to be a very important thing. Torture. Important, too bad that’s all he’s learned.

His positions and policies on every other vital issue are underthought, intellectually dishonest and bereft of the merest modicum of common sense. Permanent tax cuts for the rich, a war without end……………….

Yes, this man is a dipshit.

Doubtfire, the bootlicker stands not a chance.

The calculus is thus: A man who is in touch versus a man who is out of touch.

Do the math.

Peace.

Drinks for my friends.

So, Guy Smiley (Romney) tipped the fuck out the door the other day because he’s just smart enough to grasp the math.

Official brainspank.org endorsee Barack Obama, sails towards the setting sun on this unseasonably warm Southern California Saturday. With aplomb, he breezed through all four contests today. He then spoke in Virginia. This occasion, more time was afforded for policy and some specifics, yet still a performance budding and blooming with optimism.

What exactly does it say about where America’s head is at when this man is able to prevail by margins that range from decisive to ass kicking in states like Kansas, Washington, Louisiana and Nebraska while he falls short in California?

Perhaps we are witnessing the emergence of the neoliberal. Quite a few of them might be pissed off rednecks. A lot of them disenfranchised centrist Democrats. How many alienated moderate Republicans? This is intriguing stuff.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Huckabee is yanking McCain’s chain. Huckabee has a sense of humor. McCain does not. He has trouble scratching his own face.

I need a nickname for our man John. I’m open to suggestion if I don’t come up with one by the end of this blog.

Wait! How about Mrs. Doubtfire?

So, the thing about Huckabee is he showed up on Colbert and played air hockey with a puck shaped like Texas ’cause see, Mike think’s he’s gonna take Texas.

Whatever. Really.

Either way, Huckabee will continue to siphon the bible thumpers away from Doubtfire, our little Bootlicker. We see this as a good thing.

And sorry, McCain will be known as Doubtfire and/or the little Bootlicker. You can still comment with your suggestions.

Texas would be a blow to both Doubtfire and Dumbya. Or rather, the hierarchy. The machine that is the hand up the ass of our esteemed chief executive.

The batteries left in that machine are low on juice.

A once shiny machine.

Doubtfire the Bootlicker, sinks his fingers into a lot of pies but can’t get past his first knuckle in any of them. The pressure on him to bend will force him to fold. He will do just that, like a lawn chair, in the general election. Regardless of who he faces. Trust me.

Doubtfire is a Republican and an assload of Republicans hate the little Bootlicker.

Then, nobody’s talking about Dumbya. At all. He is effectively absent penis.

Absent ballsack.

Gonadless.

Where do you think they went? Not the gonads, the batteries.

In many ways, it’s pretty fucking sick. We are now more than ever, a plutocracy. We still subsidize oil companies with our tax dollars despite them being the richest companies in the history of mankind.

Those batteries are becoming Democrats. Those batteries, that money, are blowing kisses at Mrs. Doubtfire while sticking hands up skirts across the aisle with Democrats.

The damage is done. America has been bent over against it’s ignorant will and cornholed. Ass raped. Violated.

The damage is done.

The economy is a house of cards on a pudding foundation. No hiding from it and no excuses; the Republicans have delivered us here. We are hemorrhaging cash in a pointless and stupid war while our economy and infrastructure atrophy from sheer neglect and not near enough protein.

The distance between rich and poor owns more velocity than the melting of our icecaps.

This is the booby prize they offer McCain. The machine is finished. It has taken it’s prize. We are fucked and the machine has consolidated more power and money than God. The Machine that kicked Doubtfire in the teeth in the year two thousand finally offers up the rotting skin of a once ripe fruit and the Little Bootlicker can’t wait to possess it.

He’s a goddamn circus poodle and he’s the best they’ve got.

They don’t care. They possess what they coveted. The little Bootlicker eyes the brass ring but doesn’t understand that the position is for Chief Executive Janitor

You must be fucking kidding me.

Drinks for my friends.

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
We’re so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside
There behind a glass stands a real blade of grass
Be careful as you pass, move along, move along

-Emerson, Lake and Palmer “Karn Evil 9”

They focus on McCain, Romney and Huckabee. There’s an imperative to rescue it from being a foregone conclusion. The Great Unwashed can’t be allowed to lose interest.

I see it as an insipid gameshow mentality.

It will be McCain, because Guy Smiley, in his sacred underwear, is full of shit and although Huckabee seems like a nice guy, any sane motherfucker with a low triple digit IQ, residing on this side of common sense, is scared out of his or her mind that a Southern Baptist Minister could be President.

I mean, I know I am. The leader of the the free world believing that the earth is like, six thousand years old? You have got to be fucking kidding me. This guy is getting a shitload of votes in the The South. Somehow, that’s just not funny in this century.

McCain cannot beat either one of the two Democrats. Half his base loathes him and he has no charisma. That of course means, Romney and Huckabee would fare somewhat worse than hot, low note flatulence in a tornado.

Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh have both said they’ll vote for Hillary if McCain gets the nod. To them, he’s just not conservative enough.

Oh boy.

The pendulum, it doth swing with velocity. Not only are Ann and Rush obsolete, they will soon run out of air. Fucktards.

McCain stared and glared at Romney over who was more committed to Iraq when over seventy percent of Americans think that it’s just plain stupid.

Conservatives are dumb and now they’re confused.

People who are both mindless and bewildered tend to be dangerous. They scare me.

Outside it’s America.

Goddamn, the Republicans are in trouble.

Anyway.

A far more interesting contest between Barack and Hillary.

I’m so pleased by the very idea that America is choosing between a black man and a woman for the Democratic nomination.

It does speak volumes about the taste in our mouths. For nearly eight years, the only thing on the spoon has been shit. Stupid, mindless, neoconservative shit. Imagine shit with tar and rotting raisins. Oh, and pepper. Not the good kind, but the kind with no flavor and just heat. And to drink? Your choice of bleach or Woolite.

Democrats are not always better, yet this choice makes me smile.

America stands on the verge of electing a much needed Democratic President. The slow and stupid will just have to piss up a rope for at least four years.

Life is beautiful.

I’m pulling for the black guy who’s last name rhymes with Osama. The guy who’s middle name is Hussein.

He is smart. He is willfull. He is change.

I think.

I hope.

Among other glistening trophies, he took Kansas and North Dakota last night. Kansas. Can you say Brown v. The Board of Education? Um, wow. I ask myself, as one must, does this mean these people are more afraid of a white woman than a black man? Or is it evidence of an intellectual honesty in America that we have not seen before?

We’ll see, to behold the latter would be resplendent indeed.

For now, it’s a dead heat between two left minded champions of what is right. This is healthy. The dialog and discourse will be richer and we will all benefit.

The Democratic turnout will carry the general, particularly with a Republican party so divided. Right wing Christians have abandoned the filthy corporate lucre. Hypocrite despising hypocrite. Excellent.

Next time you see a neoconservative dipshit Republican, do him a favor and pluck one of the forks from his mottled ass and give him your change.

Then, hit him in the mouth as hard as you can to celebrate his fall from grace.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m impressed by perfection. Perfection is awesome. Perfection is never enduring, however. Never consistent. Michael Jordan was perfect for a time. So was Stevie Ray Vaughn. Then, there was NASA in the late sixties. They made it to the moon on slide rules.

Yet it never lasts. It’s impossible.

I adore an underdog. I’m enamored of the unlikely.

I’m not emotionally invested in any sporting contest or team. I really can’t muster the enthusiasm. But, I’d been thinking about this Superbowl and the underdog. I found myself with little to do this afternoon, so I tuned in about half way through the first quarter.

Needless to say, it was about as interesting as these things get. I was rewarded with a win by the underdog. Cool. Glad I watched.

The analogy may be a little weak, but I’ll make it anyway. A far more more important contest is playing out in America. With any luck, Barack Obama will face the Republican nominee (most likely McCain) in a contest for titular leader of the free world.

If this comes to pass, it’s possible that the underdog will have already prevailed in the most important battle he faces. He will have bested Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination.

I’ve been saying for nearly a year that what America needs is as much change as she can get. I own this. To me, it is a fact. Barack Obama represents the very most change for which we can realistically hope.

There were other contestants that I liked better. But honestly, not by much. I didn’t think this man had a chance, but I’m happy he’s here. I’m happy I was wrong. Very happy.

For what it’s worth, I’m not so full of myself as to estimate what I’m about to say will have anything but the most negligible concussion on The Great Unwashed.

I remain however, undaunted.

The first ever brainspank.org endorsement goes to Barack Obama for President of The United States of America.

I do this because I believe him to be a good man. He is smart and inspired. He talks sense.

I don’t know exactly how tough he is, yet he will need to be the world’s toughest man. I’m not sure how smart he is and he will have to be one of the smartest.

I hope at how principled he is. I can only guess at his strength.

Casting a vote is always hanging your ass in the wind. Because of that, you should always do the best you can. Pay attention. Be informed. Try not to be a jackass and if you are, abstain. If you don’t know shit about a proposition or a bond, for fuck’s sake leave it blank.

Obama is a different matter. You should let your mind go blank and trust me on this one. He is the best shot we’ve got. He is brave and razor sharp. If we can just get him there, he will rattle some cages. At the same time, the world will exhale in relief.

If we end up with McCain, the world will have a simultaneous sphincter pucker on a scale that could result in giant sand storms and possibly some heightened tidal activity.

On top of that, we’ll all be kinda bummed about having an old man in office that is incapable of combing his own hair. I hear he’s pretty grumpy. Imagine what four years will do to this poor bastard. He’ll be in the corner sniffing glue before it’s over.

Nope, we need fresh flesh and our man Obama is young. One thing even the most neoconservative diamond crapping old rich white man can’t deny is his PASSION.

It was a good field this time and for that I’m grateful. Any of them would have been better than any of The
Blackhats.

I want this man to be my President.

I’m serious. I believe what he has shown me so far is who and what he is and like what I see.

Drinks for my friends.

It’s all over but the shouting in South Carolina. Obama has beaten Hillary and Edwards like a pair of baby seals.

He did this by amassing over fifty percent of the vote. The demographic sweep he engineered is beyond impressive. South Carolina is over sixty seven percent white and the home state of John Edwards, who finished a distant third. It was a record turnout.

More than double Hillary’s pot and obviously, more than both Edwards and Hillary combined.

He speaks like a summer thunderstorm. A cloudburst on a sweltering afternoon. Substance and style. Grace and conviction. Thunder and lightning. His admonition of Hillary, subtlety and gravity.

It’s kind of ironic that while I was thinking that even if Obama succeeded at elevating only minorities and the poor, America would be a far better place. It’s ironic, because it was the same moment he segued into passionate discourse about unity and the fractures that exist between us, that either aren’t there or don’t need to be. All of us.

ALL OF US.

I am smiling. Were it not for the breathtaking ineptness, avarice and arrogance of the current administration and the Republican party, America would never grant audience to this first ever contest between a black man and a woman for President of The United States.

Forgive me, but hope doesn’t appear so audacious any more. It’s been a long time coming. We have endured too many years of cruelty and apathy at the hands of Republican rulers. Maybe now, instead of the lesser of two evils, America will choose the better of the best.

Oh boy.

Eighty percent of African Americans in SC voted for Obama. I still really like Edwards, but I fear it may be time for him to walk. Seventy three percent of Democrats who cast a vote tonight, did so against Hillary. This, in one of only three states with a greater than twenty percent population of black voters. Do the math, Obama desperately needs white Democrats on February Five.

Edwards says he’s still got lotsa fight left. We’ll see.

Obama and Edwards? I’d like that a lot.

Bill Bennett, asshat that he is, just compared Obama’s speech to Ronald Reagan. What a fucking retard. It occurs to me that Martin Luther King is a far more appropriate and accurate analog. Or, can you say JFK?

Amy Holmes, conservative whackjob that she is, is hotter than Georgia asphalt. I’d do her. She was on Bill Maher last night and I had an identical thought. Michelle O. has hips and a booty.

Meanwhile, on the darkside, Skeletor sports a giant mudhole in his ass that will be kicked dry by Guy Smiley and John McCain in Florida. Time to start looking for a rock with a vacancy underneath, Mr. Julie Rudyiani. Douchebag.

Up next, Super Tuesday. The road, still long indeed.

Drinks for my friends.

They focus on McCain and Romney and Huckabee. Somehow they need to save it from being a forgone conclusion. Probably just to hold interest.

Idiots.

It will be McCain, because Guy Smiley is full of shit and Huckabee seems like a nice guy but any sane motherfucker between here and common sense is scared out of his or her mind that a Southern Baptist Minister could be President.

I mean, I know I am. The leader of the the free world believing that the earth is like, six thousand years old? You have got to be fucking kidding me. This guy is getting a shitload of votes.

Outside it’s America.

Goddamn, the Republicans are in trouble.

Anyway.

A far more interesting contest between Barack and Hillary.

I’m so pleased by the very idea that America is choosing between a black man and a woman for the Democratic nomination.

It does speak volumes about the taste in our mouths. For nearly eight years, the only thing on the spoon has been shit. Stupid mindless Republican shit. Imagine shit with tar and rotting raisins.

The Democrats not always better but I’m happy to have this choice.

America is about to recieve a much needed Democratic President, so fuck off.

Drinks for my friends.