Archive for the ‘Bush’ Category

I remember when I had my first beer.

Instead of the Hostess cherry pie my father usually bought for me at the Country Store on the way back from the dump, Dad furnished me a Bud tallboy. We came home, I opened it, set in on the fence and started mowing the lawn. I don’t think I finished the the lawn or the beer. Suddenly, I needed a nap.

GOP Senator George Voinovich from Ohio announced today that he won’t seek reelection in 2010. Kit Bond from Missouri, Mel Martinez of Florida and Sam Brownback from Kansas are all walking away. All Republicans. Salt in the wound, Jeb Bush, “the smart one” says he won’t be running. Thereby proving he’s at least somewhat smarter.

Forgive my cynicism, but what I think is going on here is that the proverbial fat lady has sung. The GOP knows this, they got theirs, oh boy did they get theirs. Now it’s stage left and a pile a filthy lucre. Bush, Cheney et al. can’t wait to get out and with a little luck and black cancerous evil, they will all somehow avoid prosecution for war crimes.

These are very bad men.

Ask yourself how you can let this happen. They are dirty filthy bastards. Criminals. Scum. Sewage. Picture Cheney’s face. Dick-in-Bush should be consigned to an 8 X 10. A glossy and a cell. Dumbya is in good health. He’ll last forever. Cheney has five years, he will expire from a huge greasy black hole in his useless heart.

Dick Cheney is an asstard. He sucks. I want the glossy, autographed.

A familiar refrain I know; but we’re fucked. The planet is fucked. The economy is as fucked has it’s been since it was the most fucked ever. 1933 through 45 or so. The world hates us. Our rights to privacy and everything else constitutional are fucked. Civil liberties out the goddamn window. We fight unjust wars and then torture those who would object along with anyone else. The rich are richer and the poor are poorer. This administration has orchestrated and overseen the largest redistribution of wealth in the history of man.

Check it out uncle Tyke, it’s true.

The Republicans were evil and the Democrats were pussies.

Now, one by one and in groups, they will walk away. Gleefully and without remorse, they will leave this new generation of hope to shoulder a burden of filth and impossible moral turpitude. Events and policies that stain the perception of a once great country for decades.

A new generation with a moral and fiscal defecit.

Now I’m going to give you some culinary advice for the dark days to come. There is no actual nutrition to be had here. Merely a greasy, very satisfying gut bomb that will not end in you shitting like a goose.

Two packages of Top Ramen and a half stick of butter. In a smallish four quart pot, bring water, copious amounts of salt and hopefully some olive oil to boil rapidly over the highest heat. Violently. Plunge the noodles. Have a smoke. After a while, when the noodles are pasty and gluey, drain the water so that it barely covers the noodles. Add dry suace packets and sesame oil if you have any. Have another smoke. Make a short phone call, check out some free internet porn, watch a little of the Daily Show. Whatever.

Use your ears. It will begin to smack and splatter.

Wash a shallow bowl and a big fork. Drain almost all but a little bit of the water from the noodles and add the butter. Reduce the heat to about half. Add some canned peas or maybe some supermarket brand deli mustard, whatever you got, but be conservative. At this stage, the noodles are delicate and will absorb flavors like a sponge.

You’re frying over pretty high heat so stir vigorously.

Once the water is boiled off, upend the pot into the bowl and eat in front of a fan. The fan cools the noodles to an optimum temperature before you shovel them into your maw. Try to take really big hot steamy bites. It is a most satisfying density into one’s gulliver for less than three dollars. You’ll sleep well if even if you’ve been drinking. No need to worry about morning mud unless you flirt with hot sauce or canned vegetables, delicious but their may be consequences.

Now, back to the future and the legacy of the GOP. Expect the exodus to continue. They can’t possibly face their constituents after the ass rape they’ve subjected them to. They will walk away quietly. Clever but not smart, greedy shallow men. Horrible people who lack a mad fuck about anyone. I can’t stand it.

We’re about 90 degrees out. The world may have caught up with me.

Drinks for my friends.

There was a shooting in a Toys R Us somewhere down here today. Palm Desert. Not gang related. It was “an argument between two groups of shoppers” -WSJ.

Well now, that’s encouraging. Fighting over what? Toys? Two people dead, so probably at least two dipshits ambling slowly down the aisles of a goddamn toy store carrying guns.

This makes complete sense. If I had kids, I wouldn’t even start planning a shopping trip for them unless I was wearing a firearm and extra clips in my pockets. I’d arm any over twelve going with me.

Sheezus.

Now I understand how so many people voted for McCain.

Americans are in serious need of a bitchslap and it’s on it’s way. That’s the good news. The other news is what’s on the way is more serious than an open backhand. What we have here is a vicious hook.

Just count to two and you’ll be bouncing off something. As per normal, the legitimately stupid and those who spend all day in the short attention span theater will be bouncing on floors.

Man. Why are we so fucking stupid?

I’m confident the most salient reason is a lack of empathy and an abundance of apathy. Everyone is guilty. I, will not be bouncing off the floor, however.

The best thing to do is get involved and stay involved. Even if it’s just paying attention. Reading and listening as opposed to just watching. Take a poll. Write a letter. I hate the idea of sermonizing, but at the very least, pay fucking attention.

Look, if you really stay on top of it, American politics and world events are as compelling and isidious as any daytime drama. Dumbya’s last gasp is to about escape his puzzled countenance and it will stink of pardons and all kinda smelly fuckery. In like a lamb and out like a a rotting bovine tongue.

“I would like to be a person remembered as a person who, first and foremost, did not sell his soul in order to accommodate the political process,” Bush told his sister in an interview released Friday by the White House. “I came to Washington with a set of values, and I’m leaving with the same set of values.” -an interview of George W. Bush conducted by his sister Doro Bush Koch, lifted from chron.com

Poke this idiot out of a dead sleep and he’ll wake up singing Happy Birthday.

He’s just as fascinating as Ozzy Osbourne and only a little less articulate.

Let’s review: Two assholes killed each other in a toy store today, the day after Thanksgiving. The media tells us there was an “argument”. Lesson learned. Always bring your gun while shopping in America. Don’t forget that Dumbya has not compromised his values or sold his soul. He said so.

By far the stupidest man to ever sit in that chair.

We suck.

Drinks for my friends.

We’re fucked.

In the past few months the market has lost forty seven percent of it’s value. Unemployment is a vertical dragrace. A precipitous ascent. These two items represent America’s testicles. The market and jobs is our nutsack. Balls meet vise.

There’s probably not a single business in this country that could weather a near fifty percent reduction in revenue and stay afloat. America, and the globe, are in huge trouble. We are in a free fall. I’m glad I have a place to go. There’s room for my stereo. Barely. Limited growing season, but that might change.

Bill Maher said that he always knew Dumbya had one giant fuck up left in him. Here it is on a platter. The mother of them all. Saved the worst for last. Where are the neocons on this anyway? Where the hell is Dumbya and Darth? Fucking clowns aren’t gonna do shit. They’ll wait it out and then take a walk.

A long time coming. Decades. Any fool with common sense understood our lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. The raw material we consume. The resources we exhaust and the pollution we spew.

I’m a little pissed my generation has to bear the burden. It matters not where the bodies are buried. If your at all curious, check your own backyard. Pervasive.

No one single action will solve this debacle. There is no magic bullet. We are in for a very long night.

Get ready, things are about to change.

Having said that, we need to tip the fuck out of Iraq and seriously slash defense spending. Pay the troops, take care of the vets, maintain infrastructure and walk away from everything else. Sounds drastic and it is, but once the DOW dropped below eight thousand and stayed there, the theoretical bottom disappeared.

This will take a decade at least.

Our Man is bequeathed a shitstorm of extraordinary magnitude. A cat five economic hurricane. I worry that he’ll spend his first term putting his fingers in holes as opposed to being able to move us forward. No matter what, the blood will make it to the stairs. Americans are impatient and stupid and I worry they’ll see it as an ineffective Presidency.

Bleak, bleak, bleak.

I’ve got ER on the plasma with the sound off and see that it’s pretty much the same. I learn US Attorney General Mukasey took a dive at the podium in front of the federalists. I see that gas prices are looking for bottom. This is not good news. Bear witness as the harbingers of doom testify.

It’s not just that we’ll be poorer. My ass is broke. I’ll find my own way out. I can deal with that. It’s the inevitable atrophy of society that gives me pause. Crime and corruption will enjoy a renaissance. We will be less safe from ourselves, never mind the mythical terrorists.

Get ready for an army of homeless. Abandoned vehicles. Fire. Food shortages. Fuel shortages.

See, I’m not looking to lower expectations, it’s just that the complexity and severity of what we all face is a long fast moving train with brakes that will take awhile. We might just aspire to counting ourselves lucky if we’re treading in the same water we are today four years from now. It may just look like a victory come 2012.

It’s bad.

Official brainspank prediction is that markets rebound enough tomorrow to prevent mass suicide this weekend. At least a few hundred points, probably four or five. Get ‘er up over eight.

See what I’m saying?

Drinks for my friends.

I’m just still in awe.

What has happened here is awesome. Forgive me, there is no better word.

I’m so pleased to see America do the right thing. In big ass overwhelming numbers. Historic margins. Dumbya had the retarded sense to declare a mandate after he stole a very close election. Yo Dumbya, check this mandate.

Bitch.

What exactly is up with Biden’s hair? Musta been humid.

Look what we did. Just look at it. They threw a trailer park of kitchen sinks at him and he prevailed with volume and velocity.

Never ever lost his cool. Not once. Flawless run. Every crisis dealt with aplomb. Not a step wrong. Amazing composure and dignity.

He’s just so fucking cool.

I’m pretty sure we don’t have to worry about him getting caught recieving a hummer in The Oval. We will never know. Michelle is pretty smokin.

The arc of history.

We all have limitations and we do well to own them. There is less than one in a million who don’t. Our man is one of those. He’s already shown us that.

He is the literal exception to almost every rule. By name and by face alone, one would imagine he had not a hope in hell. I am so impressed.

He’s our next President, bitch.

I can’t wait.

I’ll tell you why. It’s not his experience or lack thereof. Not his many accomplishments. Not his consistent countenance in the face of adversity.

It is his obvious intelligence and his ordinary life before his rapid acceleration. Despite his ears and the color of his skin, it is his humility.

In my mind, it is the difference between him and every other politician I’ve seen in my life. He’s a good solid man with a beautiful family. He is fierce. This man is not here to fuck around. There will be no Katrina size clusterfucks on Our Man’s watch.

It is astounding to put this man in the same sentence as George W. Bush. The idiot and the savant. Sounds like a pretty good one act play.

The reason I’m so in awe has everything to do with difference between the absolute moron who’s been the titular head of our country and therefore the free world for eight fucking years and the man we elected by absolute storm yesterday.

I kept asking why this was a contest. Turns out it wasn’t

Amazing.

Drinks for my friends.

I honestly don’t doubt McCain’s intentions. He may very well be stupid but I don’t believe he’s evil. Old, under informed, out of touch, but not a bad man. He’s recklessly diluted himself and tragically compromised what could have been a sterling legacy.

I don’t really care. It’s not my area.

That’s my preface.

Obama will prevail because his ideas are exceptional. I like just about everything he proposes while understanding he can’t possibly realize half of it.

What he will do, I hope, is his best. Forgive me for not being dumb.

McCain is. He’s actually stupid. Clueless and out of touch. It is age multiplied by trauma and a perilous degree of emasculation by Cindy the yellowcake powered Stepford fembot. She’s fucking creepy. Don’t look at her eyes. Not even on TV. Your genitals will cook from the inside out.

Then there’s Palin. She too, is really dumb. She can’t pronounce the word nuclear. I can’t help but take exception to that. Eight years of mispronunciation and chronic malapropisms have taken a toll on me. Insult to injury is that Dumbya just plain says a lot of really dumb shit. My ass is literally chapped.

I hear Joe The Plumber was a no show today. Now that’s funny. How sad that he’s become the symbol for Republican integrity and know how. Bonafide go-to-guy. Eclipsing the Clown Princess in the twenty four hour news cycle. He’s their shining example. He’s an opportunistic idiot.

I hear Obama’s infomercial drew big numbers last night. Thirty three million. More than twice the average for a World Series game.

I’ve noticed that lately, when I blow bad air, it smells like McCain Palin. It sounds like them too.

I can’t wait for this thing to find it’s end. I’m more than anxious for it to be over. It’s killing me. The sheer volume of idiocy has been staggering. Five more days until we discover the waterline for dumbass.

Let’s hope it’s low.

There’s at least fifty million of them.

Mouth breathing dipshits walking in malls, attending gun shows and livestock events. Sometimes they drive green and/or orange cars festooned with Jesus stickers. A disproportionate number of hatchbacks, vans, smaller pickups, brown Pintos and Mavericks. Not all of these people are retarded but some are.

Many appear completely normal.

We all have more than casual affection for Metal.

There is of course, the other stratum of the Republican party. The Warlords. Marionette masters. The rich and the filthy rich. They keep getting richer and filthier. They push Faith on the downtrodden. The filthy understand it distracts them from the rape they are receiving and gives them something to believe in. The filthy own that the stupid are just that.

On this, the filthy are not mistaken.

They are despicable. While their country, their own people, sled into despair and destitution, Exxon Mobile reports the biggest quarterly profit in the history of the world while they collect subsidies right out of your fucking pocket.

That’s blatant assplay.

Until lately, that facet of the GOP was the problem.

Here’s the good news. The old money arrogant are having lunches of sardines marinated in Woolite forced down their necks with fists and mops by men and women like you and me. The rich fat fucks are on the ground and we are kicking them in the gut.

Their money doesn’t seem to be any good here. Beaten severely at their own game. Four to one. That’s rich. Pun intended.

Pricks.

Fuckin A.

See, that’s why it’s important. This guy is new and he has the goods. Have you ever seen him rattled? Nope. Think the powers that be thought this guy had a chance even six months ago? Nope. What we have here is a phenomena surpassing that of William Jefferson Clinton. I’m not kidding.

Big Bad Bill got in because Perot split the vote. Our Man is doing it without a natural disaster.

Look at me. In the eyes of America, he’s black. His last name rhymes with Osama and his middle name is Hussein. That’s what I said two years ago. I liked him but thought pigs would launch from my butt before he could be a contender. Much less capture the nomination. I was way wrong.

He kicked the ass of the Clinton Juggernaut. Very impressive. Much respect.

He just keeps coming. Man this guy is smart. The epitome of cool.

Again, ever seen him rattled?

Lemonade.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m a proud American. I’m a patriot. Love it or leave it. Don’t you dare criticize. What other reason could you possibly have for objecting to wiretapping and surveillance unless you got something to hide?

Hell, I ain’t worried.

Like I said, I’m a patriot and I love my country.

Fisa can blow me, it always goes south when appointed judges stick their progressive dicks in it. Liberal judges legislating from the bench are not needed in these circumstances. Our government is just trying to protect us. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re there for.

If you can’t trust them, who can you trust?

Liberals need to relax while patriots can feel good about it.

Sure, I smoked a little dope when I was younger, beat up the occasional sissy. That was years ago. I’m a Born Again, so I love everybody now. I say let people do what they want. Within reason. Less government.

Dangerous times call for extreme measures and there’s no more dangerous times than now. The Arabs and the terrorists hate us for our freedom and want to kill us. Islam is a violent and hateful religion. They’re all crazy, you can’t talk to them. Fucking ragheads. Why don’t they just leave us alone? What did we ever do to them?

If it ain’t Communism it’s some Godless sandnigger religion. They say Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim. It wouldn’t suprise me. He’s the most liberal member of the Senate you know. He’s friends with terrorists who would kill our own. Sounds to me like he’s one cousin removed from hating America.

What are people thinking? A black Muslim terrorist for President? Over my dead body. It’s why there’s that amendment that let’s us keep our guns. He wants to spread the wealth and that’s socialism. It’s pinko. Every American has the same opportunity, depends on what you do with it.

God created us equal, it says so in the Bible.

Don’t come to me if you’re a crack smoking welfare mom. I work. Don’t cry to me about your son getting involved in gangs. Get him a job. Put his ass to work. I work for a living.

Some of my good friends are blacks. Nice people but I didn’t own them or beat them. What do they want from me? It just so happens, they’re black and I’m white. It’s like I should regret being caucasian. Why should I feel guilt for the way I was born?

If you ask me, the only way to solve the mess is to nuke the whole Godforsaken region. Turn all that sand into glass. Iran too. Let God sort ’em out. Trust in God.

Goddamn right we need change. We’re in a real crisis. Mexicans stealing our jobs. Outsourcing. Fuckin gas through the roof. Liberals want to blame the white man. The American businessman. Good honest Christians who are being taxed and regulated to death for just trying to make a buck and go to church on Sunday in decent clothes.

Leave these people alone so they can create jobs and save this country. They are heroes. They deserve and need that tax break.

All these foreigners need to speak American. Say the Pledge every day including “under God” and respect our God, the one this great nation was founded on. A Christian God.

Why is that too much to ask? A little respect, you know? This is the greatest country in the world. Take off your hat and put your hand over your heart when our anthem gets played.

Call me a redneck, I don’t care because maybe that’s what I am. I love my country and I love Jesus Christ. He was a carpenter you know.

I gotta tell ya just because “Joe The Plumber” isn’t a plumber and his name’s not Joe and he can’t afford to buy the business he works for, doesn’t mean he isn’t Joe Sixpack and a regular American with the same problems we all have.

The Bible says an eye for an eye and that’s why abortion doctors sometimes reap what they’ve sown. I don’t condone it but I understand. Even if it’s rape, it’s not up to us to decide. I mean, a life is a life. The bible says so. Unless of course, if that life has taken another, or sold dope, or is a traitor or a terrorist. Face it, what better deterrent is there than the death penalty?

People should understand that we’ll kill them if they screw up in America. Justice should be swift and mighty. Every war, including this one we’re in now, is for justice and truth and democracy. Even when it’s really hard, America does the right thing. Always.

You know, W. is a good man. He made a few mistakes. All Presidents do. Nobody’s perfect. He cares about us. I feel it. He’s a good man. I’d really like to have a beer with him. I bet he’s friendly and regular. Cheney’s a little spooky but he’s just the brains of the operation.

So whatever about the gays. It’s a choice and there are consequences. We all pay a price for bad decisions and that’s one of the great things about America. Accountability. No way will this American stand for faggots who want to soil the Christian institution of marriage. It’s holy and sacred. Can’t you people just leave it alone? What difference could it possibly make in their lives and their futures?

It’s a symbol. That’s why they want it so bad. It’s just silly.

Show me a homosexual and I’ll show you a liberal. Wanna bet?

It’s like they think it will make them legitimate somehow. Uh, not in the eyes of this patriot.

In a lot of ways, it’s like the French. We saved their asses in The Big One. What have they ever done for us besides sneer and act like we’re bullies and brutes? Overcharge us for wine and cheese. Ingrates. Why do we bother?

Those countries that sell their oil to the Chinese instead of us; it might be time to introduce them to the United States Navy.

McCain fought to save us from communism. He’s got my vote because he’s a genuine hero. This Sarah Palin is sassy and real and they’re both mavericks. I like that. I don’t care how smart Obama is. That’s not was this is about. I’ve always been suspicious of book learning as opposed to street smarts. This guy Obama eats arugula and fish eggs. He went to Harvard. I think his wife did too.

Tea with a pinky out.

By the way, Michelle Obama has been ashamed of America. Only recently proud. Can you believe this shit? Now what does America, the best country in the world, have to be ashamed of?

You know what else bothers me? What does it say to the rest of the world if America elects an African American Muslim for President? The world respects us. We are the example. America is the bar. There’s a ton of responsibility there and we’re gonna be held accountable.

The one thing I can agree with the liberals about is the idea that this country has it’s head in the shitter.

We can’t afford this second guessing and insecurity when it comes too choosing our leaders. A man with over two decades in the Senate. A man who’s crashed four airplanes and is still with us. A woman who shoots moose. A woman who’s been both Mayor and Governor of the wilderness. Both these Americans are patriots.

A woman who doesn’t break a sweat while spending more than twice what most American’s make in a year on two months worth of clothes. She wants to look good for us.

A man who’s not afraid to call his wife a “cunt” in public.

Drinks for my friends.

The DOW down seven hundred thirty points today. Uh huh.

CNN says Doubtfire won the first half hour. I have a bridge for sale. When the gate opened, he stuttered and the ball fell to the floor. He drooled a little and recovered, but c’mon.

Cool calm and composed was Our Man. Nice. Substance long. We did fine.

Doubtfire actually looked at Our Man this time and engaged him. Best he’s done so far. Still, far less specifics and far more boiler plate bullshit stump rhetoric spewed by McCain than Obama. The “he’ll raise you taxes and I won’t” crap.

Frustrating in light of Obama pointing out over and over that his plan calls for cuts for nintey five percent of us. It’s like Doubtfire has pockets full of dead horses. Turns out he does. Poor bastard.

Forgive me the anger of what you are about to receive.

McCain takes upon himself to label Our Man’s tax policies “class warfare”. Were he to say that sitting next to me at a table I’d have swung for his mouth hard. The most massive redistribution of wealth in history has taken place under this administration and guess where the fucking money went? Check your goddamn pockets. After knocking him from his chair I’d be yelling and probably kicking. I’d be screaming words like AIG, Keating, Haliburton and Exxon/Mobile. This particular kind of egregious double contrary speak makes we want to go fucking nuclear. Fuck you McFuckstain, that’s a lie.

Anyway.

McCain’s hatchet and scalpel analogy was damn good. Props. That would be excellent.

Ayers and Acorn flatlined and Joe The Plumber was far from a game changer.

Either his legs or his lungs failed him. It’s fair to say that he stumbled upon his own energy crisis. He has neither the wit nor the wherewithal to keep pace with this Man of Ours.

The Ohio undecided focus group (UM’s*), hosted by CNN said it was that one, over the other one, by fifteen to ten. Yup. The first CNN polls are pretty wide and I’m done with all punditry at 8:23 pm.

It was the most interesting and entertaining of all the Presidential debates. McCain swinging harder than ever but never finding much more than air. He just couldn’t connect. Obama was smooth, extraordinarily skilled and athletic. Doubtfire acknowledged it a couple times by remarking on his eloquence. He did so with a sneer and it cost him. John McCain is an arrogant prick and people see it.

Today CNN’s electoral map shows Obama all but locked down for 277 electoral votes? 270 is the majority. Ahem.

David Gergen said in answering the question what does Mcain do now, answered, “Beat’s the hell out of me”. Big laughs. The Bootlicker threw the best he had and it wasn’t good enough. He went on to advise that Doubtfire should begin working to stop the Republican loss of blood in the House and the Senate, get positive on the economy and lose the Bill Ayers obfuscation tactic.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Small, because most of you know or at least suspect. A lot of things being promised by either man, hoped for and aspired to, are not realistic. Probably not possible. Very unlikely. My focus is and has always been, on the intelligence and capability of the individual who would lead us out of this magnificent clusterfuck.

I am more secure than ever, that I and most Americans will ultimately do right by ourselves when it comes to these two men. Given the state of our Republic and of the rest of the world, I feel about as good as I possibly can about what is likely to happen next. I am pleased.

“Um’s” (unaccompanied minors)*, you know, independents and undecideds, will break for Obama. Not by a wide margin, but it will be more than enough to carry the day. Yes, that was an official brainspank prediction. We will know by midnight our time.

Here’s a keen and salient observation on my part. Their heads. They are opposite in shape. Doubtfire’s is bottom heavy. Fatty jowls vs. a rather sizable upper cranium. I’m just saying.

Seriously, who’s your Daddy?

Drinks for my friends.

*new nick name or nomenclature

This is crazy. World markets are convulsing. Lose the image of a spasm. This is flopping on the floor foaming at the mouth crazy epileptic shit. Jam something in the maw to prevent tongue swallowing and pull the furniture away, it’s a grand mal baby.

Dumbya shows up on television like a deer in the headlights. This shit is way over his head.

In concert, banks of the world moved yesterday to simultaneously slash prime by half a percent. That’s five hundred basis points, as a neophyte banker I can tell you that’s a shitload of lucre. Money is traded on a hundredth of a percentile. This level of cooperation is not just huge, it’s completely without precedent.

Still hemorrhaging though. Bleeding badly. The Dow down a hundred eighty nine yesterday and over six hundred seventy points today.

The bottom is around eighty three hundred. Trust me. I have it on good authority. That’s a scary number. I know people who’ve lost everything already. They have no choice but to stay in.

This crisis will lay a finger on every single one of us. If it hasn’t already.

Truth is it has, and it’s not done.

American industry cannot lose forty percent of it’s value without far more than a ripple breaking across the country. It’s a tsunami that will wipe people out. I doubt America will end up a third world nation, but we’ll a see a huge increase in the homeless and poverty in general. Get ready for desperation and panic. Soup lines.

Lots more ugliness on the way.

I almost don’t care what you know. I know what I know. This prick Dumbya inherited a surplus and a balanced budget. We were fine, we were golden. Golden. The thing is, his eyes are way too close together. You can tell by looking at him that he’s stupid. Listen to him and it’s obvious he’s a dumbass.

The proof is in the now bloody pudding. It’s the biggest mess we’ve ever seen. At war in two countries for now at least, and an economy literally eroding by the day. By the day. The American domino keeps on giving as we see world markets slide with increasing velocity towards a pileup that portends to clog arteries major and minor. Asian markets are shitting pants as we speak.

If you voted for Bush, you’re an idiot bordering on asshole. If you intend to vote for McCain, you’re an ingnorant idiot, stupid asshole motherfucker. Despicable and dumb. Clueless and wortheless. The mouth breather at the pump unable to remember a zipcode. When I see you, I hope you haven’t procreated.

I don’t doubt you’re boring.

Certainly, this should command our attention by delivering a focus onto the crisis at hand in context of the Presidential race. McFuckstain and Moosewoman are suddenly delighted to exhume the corpse of a deceased and rotting nag for to flog in public. They do so with eyes bloodshot from venality and a frantic spraying of spittle.

Sheezus.

Ugly. Hard to watch. Dispiriting, demoralizing and ultimately detrimental.

They really should be ashamed, if for no other reason than their naked, vainglorious audacity.

Meanwhile, Our Man continues to exhort on the issues in general and and elucidate on the economy in particular. He remains above it. He attacks with vigor and his strikes are surgical, but always on issue, never personal. I am pleased and inspired. Obama consistently endeavors, despite every low blow, to remain on the high road. He is a class act.

Stewart has fucking Deniro on tonight. How cool is that?

Someone yells “kill him” at an event. McCain says nothing. He calls him “that one” in a nationally televised debate. Discourse off course. Reckless and irresponsible. Amateur hour at the feckless cafe. Farting in public. Blowing your nose over your date’s food. Shit running down your leg.

Fuck these guys. They act like they’re new.

Drinks for my friends.

I don’t know.

I was looking for more.

No wild swings, no haymakers. Certainly no knockouts.

Our Man was more dignified and in control. The composure of restraint served him well once again. Obama prevailed, but not so clearly or decisively, as last time. A net loss for Doubtfire, the salient reason, he’s behind in the polls and sliding. The onus was clearly on McCain to impress us. Didn’t happen.

The Bootlicker did a lot of flatlining.

I expected and even predicted that Our Man would throw more power punches tonight. I didn’t know then what I know now. He didn’t need to. It’s changed since their last meeting. He is winning.

I don’t mean to impart that I found it less than interesting. It was compelling.

Just talked to my Mother and her sentiment is more or less congruent with mine. She yelled at me for interrupting the post game analysis.

Cindy Stepford McCain said today that Obama has “waged the dirtiest campaign in American history,”. Fascinating. An insane thing to say in light of what the entire McCain family was subjected to at the hands of the unholy trinity of Bush, Rove and Cheney in two thousand. Amusing, in light of Palin’s recent remarks insinuating Our Man is some kind of terrorist.

That statement, by the actual Mrs. Doubtfire, smacks of raw and unmitigated desperation.

Also telling is the fact that McCain walked away when it was over and Our Man and Michelle stayed to engage.

Fresh diaper?

We are in good shape.

I can tell because they’re stepping on their own vagina lips to embarrass themselves. Desperation always smells worse than ass. More like many asses. Like a sewer. It’s why desperation rarely attracts much more than pity.

I need to address something else here. Forgive me, it’s not the first time. The question of why, if Obama is so clearly on the right side of America’s concerns and issues, why isn’t he ahead by twenty points? Economy in the toilet, unpopular war and McCain and his party are entirely culpable. It’s been an underlying theme since the primaries.

Why was it such a barfight for this man to close the deal and knock Hillary the fuck out?

Let’s just forego the requisite polite and feigned naivete here. It’s because he’s black and racism is alive and well here in the greatest country on earth. Were he a white man, it would be over but for the shouting.

The good news is, he appears to have left that brand of blasphemy behind. Not entirely, but you see it.

Indeed, America sees not a black man, certainly not a terrorist or a muslim. America sees a man. A strong, principled, intelligent, capable American man with the courage of his convictions. Congratulations my fellow citizens. The majority of us have seen fit to judge a man based on the content of his character rather than the color of his skin. We have begun to realize a dream, the shape and size of which could propel all human beings further into this century with prosperity and equality unlike we’ve ever seen.

It doesn’t suck that the competition is the Keystone Fucking Cops.

Forgive my enthusiasm. It’s just that the unthinkable is damn near at hand. A shift of this archaic and obsolete paradigm. It looks like we may have had enough. Pretty goddamn exciting if you ask me.

Too bad they had to screw the pooch this violently to even risk losing power. Too bad about the mess Our Man is walking into. Don’t forget, getting elected President is like getting a record deal; not the end all but the very beginning. We hope.

Drinks for my friends.

Paul Begala said it of Dumbya about his speech last night and whether there was any resonance. I fell off the couch howling.

He was saying that no one cared. I had to watch the speech in pieces. A yawner. I kept thinking about how close together his eyes are.

The full twelve minutes was empty of anything save for common knowledge and the mashing, over and over, of the fear button. The red one that makes bells ring. He really should just stay out of this. He wields zero influence and has long since squandered any credibility, particularly in matters financial.

A high functioning moron.

And did ya see McCain’s broad with Katie Couric today? You have got to be fucking kidding me. I’m comfortable calling her a broad because she shoots magnificent defensless mammals but ducks the press. This broad is dangerously clueless.

I really hope Doubtfire takes a powder tomorrow night in Mississippi. What a tool.

Washington Mutual took the dirt nap today. Biggest S&L in the country and the largest bank in the history of the world to ever collapse. JP Morgan bought all the juicy debt. I think we got stuck with the rest.

It’s surreal, as it gets better, as in more entertaining, it gets worse, in terms of consequences.

A materialization of the perfect storm. The tempest without flaw that I’ve been predicting for years. There is no joy in being right about this one. It’s stupid and disgusting.

The blame here rests as much on John Q. Public’s shoulders as it does on any head of state, titular or not. We allowed this. We encouraged it with our ignorance, apathy, laziness and cowardice. We are fools on this ship already compromised of buoyancy by failed leadership. Despite the obviating of the inevitable. As we speak, this vessel of American prosperity and potential heads full steam towards the mother of all icebergs.

Good job. We should all take a bow. Yes, especially the stupid ones. Couldn’t have done it without them.

Know what alarms me the most about the whole thing? We don’t have the money. It’s preposterous. We are so broke we can’t pay respect. They say seven hundred billion but we’re borrowing ten billion a month for Iraq.

Guess what passed yesterday? A defense spending bill for over six hundred billion. Understand that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are not accounted for in that bill.

Start thinking about who you can blow and/or people with extra rooms. Prioritize things like clotheslines, wells and land enough for crops. Don’t worry about propane camp stoves, but a tent, sleeping bags and firearms are all smart purchases. Don’t forget the bullets!

I’m not here to dip your popsicle in dog hair but you need to be on top of this. This shit is realtime. Many of them are shrugging their shoulders with the attitude that it’s one last ass rape before they walk away. They. Don’t. Care. Think Doubtfire does? I don’t. He’s taking an unsanctioned time out. Tried to cover himself by putting Palin out in front today. No luck to be had there. She hit her mouth on the way down.

High comedy.

Both of them made of paper. One born that way, the other worn down to it. Empty shells. Empty suits. A future of mere mediocrity awaits both, regardless of how the election lands.

Barack Hussein Obama will not save us. He will not deliver us from evil. Yet I have every reason to believe that it is within his power to change the direction of this country. That is what I expect. It is why I will vote for him. I must tell you that my optimism is heavily mitigated by my fondness for the truth in the form of absolutes.

There is honesty and lies in almost everything. Black and white, cut and dried is still available, but rare. I respect the gray but seek and heed the black and white. Absolutes.

Here is absolutely the most honest and truthfull thing I can say to you. Barack Obama is your best bet. He is your only bet. Nader and Ron Paul have ceased to matter. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You don’t want to put your money on the other side. Even if you win, you’ll be very, very sorry.

He’s not here to come into your livingroom, solve your problems and go next door to solve theirs. Anyone who claims to do that is a liar. I’m hoping he can swing enough lumber to restore some fairness for Americans despite race or class. I don’t know he’ll do this but I think he can.

I do expect him to get busy on this pointless war.

Drinks for my friends.

My epiphany smacks of *gasp*, socialism and radicalism.

It’s pretty out there. As a concept, I mean.

Here we go.

Why not implore, nay, beseech those who have benifitted so lavishly from America’s free market economy to pony up some filthy fucking lucre? Why not? Tell me that the collective benificiaries of golden parachutes, exorbitant severance packages and stock options et al. aren’t clutching bags and satchels of liquid capital that could go a long way towards remedying this consummate financial malaise.

Tell me. Why not?

Sumner Redstone, Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates and all their kooky country club cronies. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Don Henley and Garth Brooks. Mel Gibson, George Clooney, Matt Damon and Jay Leno. Hannity, Limbuagh and Olbermann. Stwart, Colbert and that guy in the Mac commercials. Letterman.

Lotsa these guys are already philanthropic. Together, our overpaid celebrities, athletes and CEO’s could go a long way towards solving this. That is of course, if they are true patriotic Americans.

All of the aforementioned and thousands of others are going to be just fine regardless of the way the bail out is structured or who wins this election. Little, if not nothing, to lose.

What say you elites?

I mean to say, if you care at all about the normal workaday citizens who put all that money in your pockets in the first place.

After all, the dramatic shift in the concentration of wealth is at the root here, a phenomena as culpable as any impropriety or outright fuckery. It was unsustainable. No way was it gonna fly for very long at all. Many of you have been on the tit for way too long.

Most of you.

Put that chunk of their wealth into a fund for the people. An institution created for the sole purpose of helping average Americans to keep a roof over their heads and maintain the ability to feed and clothe their children. It’s not socialism if it’s not a government mandate. It’s profoundly American if they choose to share their good fortune and give back to a society that has made their success possible in a world that otherwise may have excluded them.

Not subversive in any way, as long as the institutions recieve not a single red penny. Could be a complex bureaucracy, but not if you let me run it. Trust me to rock that shit.

By the way, Doubtfire put his giant vagina in full view today after recieving a phone call from Our Man seeking cooperation for a joint statement this morning. In a shallow attempt at one-upmanship, McCain announced this afternoon his intention to suspend his campaign to devote his limited energies towards the economic crisis. He also requested tomorrow night’s debate be postponed.

Fumble.

Look at my thumb. Gee, you’re dumb.

A blatant and obvious attempt by a man losing serious ground, to wrest attention away from his atrophy by waving a needle full of politics, Presidential politics, at the most serious financial issue America has faced since the Great Depression. John McCain is a cowardly, opportunistic douchebag.

In all seriousness and with all due respect, the harbinger is no longer that. Doom is in the front yard. We are here. The wolf is just outside the door. We can neither come or go. Understand that homeless people will no longer be an exclusive fixture of metropolitan areas. We are flirting with soup kitchens and tent cities are already a burgeoning reality. People are about to suffer in ways most of of us have never witnessed. This is bad.

It bears pointing out that before Dick-in-Bush usurped power, we had an actual surplus and things were no less than rosy. I remind you of the painfully obvious, the entire state of the union is completely fucked. My uncles proud men all, Republicans all, must answer the question. They owe me a reasoned explanation as to how and why they intend to give these idiots one more chance.

An alcoholic has stolen from your wallet, your wife’s purse, set the house on fire and provided illegal drugs to your children. Do you still open your arms to him for Sunday dinner? Loan him twenty bucks?

Maybe you do because he’s family. You certainly don’t hand him the keys to your car, much less the goddamn universe.

You know what? America, a once proud, prosperous and generous nation is on the verge of collapse. Chaos. Lawlessness. You think Iraqis went full tilt boogie once the rule of law was removed? Wait ’til you see Americans in action when there’s no gas, no food, no infrastructure and no rule of law. What happened in New Orleans will be a microcosm and will look Fisher fucking Price in retrospect.

Dumbya swore as late as March and McCain as late as last week that the fundamentals of the American economy are sound. For any of you who still buy that, good luck. You’ll soon be on your own.

No matter what, this will be ugly. Vulgar even. No miracles, unless the fruit of my epiphany somehow busts forth with a froth of delicious and copious juice. We all understand how unlikely that is. We are fucked. It’s important to remember who fucked you.

All that remains is to choose the right man to captain our ship through violent seas. McCain has never steered a ship and he’s crashed at least four planes.

Drinks for my friends.

The polls are suspect, but way too close.

I’m so tired of worrying.

Should we brace ourselves for a complete clusterfuck?

The economy can barely walk, lung disease and a nasty infection. Coughing up yellow shit.

The polls are close.

Maybe. I honestly don’t know.

Let’s entertain the notion. Just for fun.

January 21, 2009. McCain and Palin stand behind bulletproof glass beaming. Imagine the splendor. The granduer of a four time face cancer survivor and a woman who in the words of Fred Thompson, “can field dress a moose”. Awesome, the dignity of the ancient dottard and his cheerleader sidekick in full flower.

Behind inch thick plexi, mouths steam as they are sworn. January in DC. No blossoms on the mall for at least four months.

Oh, the pageantry. Oh, the humanity.

Then what?

I’m picturing a return to hoop skirts and a resurgence of marbles among adolescent boys. Pinball will enjoy a fresh popularity. Roller skating with clay wheels and car side service by chicks in pantyhose. Mmmmmm, frosted mugs of bubbly rootbeer. Yo Yos. Hula Hoops. Casseroles and many more things made of yarn than seen today.

It’s gonna be great. Lotsa plastic whistles and balloons and fresh baked pies.

I’m a little sad it won’t be as cool as the future I anticipated.

I wish I could have both. Technology. Broadband internet and Hi def TV. I’m seriously in a holding pattern for virtual sex. I’m really curious about this new collider in Geneva. I like my Mac a lot. I really like the internet.

The innocence of dial telephones, the birth of the muscle car and not a single digital read out anywhere.

Radium watches. Unchecked toxic waste. Korea and Vietnam. The cold war.

Kinda like the fifties. You know, when Christianity held absolute sway in the heartland. When blacks weren’t elitist, much less uppity. They knew their place. Women too. We let them vote but they were aware that uppity was not an option. Not for white women anyway. We kept our shit real in the day. Head of household was just that.

Commander in fucking cheif.

Though this utopian lifestyle will take effect on the same day as the inauguration, there will be wrinkles.

It will be an adjustment, but nowhere near traumatic. Life is good. Take it easy. America has opted for real change. McCain Palin are here to bring change. Long after Obama said it sincerely, these two pillars of virtue assimilated that message and are here to visit it upon all of us.

Wrinkles.

The hot gust of a sulphur and garlic fart. Moist heat and a cosmic resonance.

From loose nukes and poverty, to even white folks fearing the police, peanut butter becoming a staple as well as a commodity. Just like pork bellies. The middle class will become the working poor and there will once again be Robber barons and Captains of industry.

It’s kind of exciting. Maybe train robbery will become viable again. Count on the ubiquity of mid century style liquor store robberies. We’ll all need to rely on ourselves more. Sometimes, it will be at the expense of our neighbors. Sometimes, at their peril. Many of us will be forced into lawlessness. Don’t be alarmed at this change, it’s just how some Republicans let us know they too believe in natural selection. It’s a wink at evolution. Even the brightest assholes are cool with Darwin.

We should all brush up on our agricultural know how. It’s gonna be big in the post technocratic age. Trust me, study your climate and soil. When everything goes down, loot the bookstore for gardening books, nevermind the convenience store. Hit the hardware store for shovels, wheelbarrows etc.

Make sure your cool on sunglases and hats. Steal as much sunscreen as you can find.

The music from the ice cream truck keeps on keeping on behind all of it. So help me god.

Whatever kids. That’s how the West was won.

Drinks for my friends.

What more do you need?

The ineptitude.

I would refer you first, to today’s stock market performance. Next, I’d like to point you to the likely failure of AIG and WAMU. Our nation’s largest insurance company and largest S&L respectively. Wall street will break a few records this week. Last but not least, I would have you read the last two blogs by my guest contributors, Josh and J.

The ugliness has begun.

The American economy and therefore that of the world, is a mere sigh away from spectacular collapse not seen since the towers on 9/11. Repercussions not felt since the Great Depression.

Now, who are you voting for?

We got trouble, right here in River City.

Here’s a big ass truth for you. The war is no longer an issue of morality and justice, it’s all about the Benjamins. For years we haven’t been able to afford this reasonless war. It’s been waged on credit, while contactors stink atop piles of filthy lucre. Fom now on, everyday it’s allowed to continue, is a guarantee of a dark day to come for every citizen in this country from the upper middleclass on down.

Just today Doubtfire said the fundamentals of the American economy are sound. Boys and girls, this man is an idiot. He’s either in denial or lying. The fundamentals of our economy are imploding you jackass. The banks are failing you moron.

McCain has admitted not knowing much about the economy and his running mate lies about earmarks while overseeing a cash cow of a state. The most government money per capita of any state in the union. Doubtfire, along with Phil Gramm, is the king of deregulation. From the housing bust, to the debt and the buckling of historied financial institutions, deregulation is the catalyst. Merrill fucking Lynch disappeared today. Remember the Keating Five? The original Enron.

Shut up, I know he was exonerated but he was in past his elbows. He got slimed. Got some on his face, gave him face cancer.

By the time we next inaugurate a President, our faces will have become familiar with the canvas. The question has become not so much about the fittest to be Commander in Chief, but rather about which team is best able to get us back on our feet.

He will begin to slip in the polls. The Republican Rovenesque juggernaut didn’t anticipate this particular strain from the virus of fear they so carefully nurture. Clearly, these asshats did not position adequately for the advent of cleaning up their own mess BEFORE leaving office.

What?

They were gonna just dump it on whoever. They got behind McCain because he’s more profitable and he mitigates the chances any of them will serve time. Either way, they’re cool. You can tell they don’t give a mad fuck. No worries.

They didn’t plan for the house to be on fire while they were in it though. They pass out marshmallows with a nervous grin, a sheen of sweat on their faces.

Boil and chop kids, boil and chop. Tell me you’re on the motherfucker.

Something wicked this way comes.

Drinks for my friends.

I say without equivocation, certainly without apology, Bill Maher rocks. His show, the format, the concept and the man. New Rules is consistently brilliant. No exception tonight. And it’s entertaining. Wow.

I understand he’s an arrogant bastard. Oh well.

How much my perception and enthusiasm have to do with the fact there was only one douchebag on the panel and he was an authentic douchebag? I just can’t say.

Toss him some government cheese for pointing out how absurd it was for Tenet to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Snatch it from him for neglecting to mention Franks and Bremer.

The graph and measure of my fanhood for Janeane Garofalo is far from pretty, but she was on like a pyrex bong. Smarter and more aggressive than the aforementioned douchebag, a journalist for the Wall Street Journal named John Fund. No shit, that’s his name. Get it?

She described Republicans, using the example of the RNC, as unrestrained id that throws red meat out for the dopes. That’s hot. She also shouted, “that’s such unbelievable bullshit”. It matters not at all what she was talking about. She bared teeth and drew her sword.

This guy Fund smiled an idiot smile, obfuscated and attempted to patronize and condescend until the bell. He came off, despite his best efforts, precisely like a douchebag.

Bill brought in Roseanne at the end. She was shrill, opinionated, sarcastic. aggressive and completely on the money. Absolutely right.

The show opened with Paul Begala explaining to us that what Axlerod and Our Man have been doing is similiar to that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson is telling his men to hold. Hold. Hold……..and then he lowers his sword. The Scots commence to open a giant keg of whoop ass on the English. These are my people you know. My ancestors.

I hope so.

This race will be far more entertaining, maybe even more aesthetically rich and dense like cheescake, satisfying like sushi and beer, if Begala is right. I hope so, because it’s also absolutely necessary. I’m over being the pussy party. Outsmart them and hand them their asses too.

Tired, tired, tired of this shit.

Salman Rushdie bats a good clean up and Maher fields the ball whenever Fund gets his bat on it. A couple times, Maher fired it back hard from the infield and hit the smug prick in the mouth. He kept his composure, still it was gorgeous.

Roseanne walked on at the end to throw nothing but beanballs. She only shut up for Bill and spent the rest of her time throwing hard at the douchebag’s head. This too, was gorgeous.

After this week’s media, I welcome the actual pummeling of any mealy mouthed conservative with a cartoon fucking grin. Every successful Republican has one of those unrealistically false grins. Imagine Romney or the rictus on Guilliani. Like they’re drawn on. Like a cartoon. Except Cheney. He hasn’t actually smiled since his late twenties, when he learned to masturbate. Prick.

All four heart attacks, he was found with pants around ankles, both hands on his johnson. Darth’s pet name for his trouser twninkie is Lyndon Baines. I made this last part up.

Maher’s point about cynicism being when you say shit, despite knowing better than the dumb people, you still say it because the dumb people will buy it and they can get you elected, made me somewhat tumid. I couldn’t agree more. Tumescence.

What’s happening here is a collision between the smart and the stupid. A clash brought on by the profound differences in our candidates. Both ideologically, and how they are perceived as people. How people identify with them. The bright and the dim.

Methinks it’s a jacked up set of circumstances.

How much does that suck? The good fight is for the hearts and minds of the willfully ingnorant and the garden variety dipshits. Shameful, and not only because it’s never been won solely with truth and honesty. Yet it hasn’t. Ever. There’s just too goddamn many of them. The ignorant, the willfully ignorant and the masses unclean. They don’t read and they pay only passing respect to awareness.

The righteous rarely prevail in contemporary American politics because of the naivete of adhering to and believing in, justice, honor and integrity.

As I write this, the evil bastards are competing and maybe winning by ignoring the issues save to lie about them. I’ve seen this my entire adult life. I read conservative blogs, watch Hannity and listen to Limbaugh. I know precisely how they do it. If I’m not able see a few moves ahead, I know where to look. I seek the words of the intellectually irresponsible.

Why can’t the good fight do this? Why won’t they? Doubtfire is as dirty as a pig and Palin is the lipstick. Our Man pointed it out on Letterman.

I think what’s been missing here is a willingness to throw hands. Kerry sucked and Gore wasn’t much better. They both rolled around till the Republicans found the wet spot. Either one of the Clintons will kick an ass if given the chance and that’s why they have been so successful. They will light you up just to remind you. When a Republican begins to spit they know to make a fist. Far from perfect these two, but there are lessons to be learned under even the smallest of stones.

Billary are still the biggest boulders in the Democratic party.

Put them out front as shock troops if they agree. They will. Our Man and his people need to take notes. I’d hate to see the most important election in the history of this country decided by the party most willing to punch balls. Yet it’s at least a requisite factor in any modern campaign strategy. Be ready and willing to swing straight for the sack.

I’m not seeing enough of this from my side. I smell vagina. I smell kittens, tofu and arugula, sauvignon blanc and a mild gorgonzola. Our stereotype sucks. Rednecks are known for a willingness to throw down. A liberal would then get a restraining order and sue the redneck. I know, I’m a liberal.

We need to start swinging, because this shit is fucked up and idiots aren’t bad people, they’re just idiots.

Back burner defense, get offensive. Get in faces. Palin and McCain are plenty vulnerable and they clearly don’t know shit about defending themselves. They are wide fucking open. Ducks in repose.

Don’t be afraid to punch the mouthy hick in the balls. You can’t change his mind so attempt to disable him.

I imagine Doubtfire has a handle on this kinda fuckery after 2000. I think he was most seduced by the concept of ‘attack with fuses burning’. Preemptive without regret. The Bush Doctrine. He’s not so stupid as to not understand the size and fierceness of such sociopathic apparatus the evil empire has at it’s disposal.

You know, he’s hired every one of them that visited it upon him back then.

He knows the machine. It ate him. Crapped him out. Now he’s it’s bitch all over again. Unfuckingbelievable.

Tell me you can’t see it.

With Palin, the seduction of McCain is complete. It is done. He has compromised the last of his values. He’s no longer worth a goddamn nickel.

Can’t you tell?

The good news is, both of these flowing like menstrual carbuncles are spectacularly vulnerable from the rear. Doubtfire has been penetrated before but it’s been eight years and they work for him now.

Time for fists. Vulnerable from the rear.

Drinks for my friends.

If he were white, this would be over.

All that talent, all that charisma and all that intelligence. If he were white, McCain would be bucking for a cabinet post at best. “JFK” would escape the lips of Americans without hesitation. If, he were a white Christian male, just as attractive with just as much presence, saying exactly the same things and landing precisely where he does on every single issue, next. If he were white. We’d be all but finished here.

Race in your face bitches. No shit.

This sucks. They are lying to you so hard, with such desperation. If you buy it, we are laughing at you. Like hyenas, we stare and point and you wonder if the monkey is you or them. If that happens, understand you might be a redneck. Or gullible enough to be flirting with retardation. By the way, the monkey is you and them.

See, they just floated an ad that alleges Our Man prioritizes sex education in the first grade over children learning to read. That’s regoddamndiculous. It’s a bill that promotes educating young children about sexual predators. How’s that for a dirty political fucking lie? Makes Willie Horton and Kerry’s war record look Fisher Price. I dare anyone to explain this one to me.

Shameless, with a simultaneous assload of vanity. I really hate these guys.

Our Man shows up on Letterman and he’s brilliant. Detail, like Bill. A firm grip on the world and forgive me but he’s a regular dude. Likable, smart and funny. Then I see him on CNN, bright and lucid. Comfortable plumbing the depths of policy. Specific, learned and at ease.

McCain was charming. Made me laugh and threw some meat out there. He did well. We liberals are supposed to stop saying positive things about neocons. I call ’em like I see ’em. He’s still a coward, masquerading as a maverick, pretending to be an independent thinker. The truth is, he long ago lost sight of why he’s here and is now only capable of picturing the brass ring. The prize. He’s empty. He likes shiny things.

I should focus on this for a minute. Doubtfire has a friendliness deficit and Palin has the charm of a middle aged junior varsity cheerleader. Talk to her at a kegger and get back to me.

I want to tell you something. I’m just gonna say it. I relate to this guy because I’m not dumb, He’s smart and I’m not dumb. He’s smarter than me and I like that. I think you should too. No matter how stupid you are, you should at least be able to tell that this guy is way brighter than you or McCain and that should be reason enough for you to vote for him.

Haven’t we just suffered for over seven years because of our President’s stupidity?

What’s her name did her very first interview tonight as a potential VP. Charlie Gibson ABC, asked her in a glasses on the nose Ben Franklin way, if she experienced any hesitation when McCain asked her to be his running mate. She didn’t blink. She said she told Doubtfire if he thought she could help the ticket and the party, then absolutely.

She said this, as opposed to asking, even of herself, if she could function as President of the United States. It appears as though it never entered her cheerleader brain.

And for what it’s worth, she had no idea what the Bush Doctrine is.

Her calves were hot though.

Drinks for my friends.

Hulking giants capable of bending jailhouse bars. Not nearly as bright as some of us. Capable of limb ripping violence, though.

The Gorillas are Race, and Voter Fraud.

I don’t know what to do about election fuckery because I live in California. Evil has no interest in subverting our ballots. It can’t really. We’re a foregone conclusion, in national elections, Californians are consistently in favor of the better choice.

We’re kinda whacky.

Ohio is a long way from here, but it’s been going on there for eight agonizing years. Diebold. What a joke. CEO Wally O’Dell lives in Columbus and said he was “committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the President” (Dumbya). -Mother Jones ’04

What kinda retard could possibly be in favor of a paperless system? No hard copy at all?

Check this: http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0225-05.htm

What do I do from Los Angeles about this drooling, stinking Simian?

The ball is yours Ohio. So is the goddamn Ape. You’ve been cheated and lawlessly manipulated. Don’t believe me? John Conyers, a Congressman from Michigan wrote a book “What Went Wrong In Ohio”. Read it. By the way, this guy rocks. Easily one of the bravest members of the United States House of Representatives. If only He and Kucinich could mate.

This election may well be in your hands again and you guys really rolled the pooch over last time and allowed Republicans a violent sexual congress with it. As did John Kerry.

You and Florida are the poster children for polling malfeasance so I’m putting you both on notice. Only you can prevent forest fires. At least Gore, and some Floridians, put up a fight.

We’ll be looking for a little more than that this time around.

Race. The other Gorilla.

My stomach flops and fills with dirty moths. There is no way to alter minds indoctrinated for a lifetime with bigotry and baseless hate in less than sixty days without an aggressive campaign of shame. Probably can’t change many minds, yet embarassing them for it might be effective.

They should be embarrassed. It and they, are archaic and absurd. They are unfortunately, everywhere.

So ubiquitous.

They are us. Inside us all, regardless of pigmentation or country of origin. The conundrum is to own it of self and be unrelenting in recognizing it in ourselves and others. All while consistently swinging a quick bat against it, all the goddamn time.

If the course of human events is allowed to continue on it’s current trajectory because the tipping point is about the color of a single man’s countenance, perhaps humankind will finally reap what it’s sown. The seeds of fear and hate will be allowed to become vines that choke and starve life from the plants of hope and resolution; deliberately deposited pods in a once rich and optimistic Earth.

That would really suck. It would be a shame. Final evidence that humans are ultimately and fatally flawed.

Proof that we suck. More stupid than smart. Our own demise.

I want to remind all of you that this is big. Very big. Bigger than a lot of you can even guess at. If and when you take it upon yourselves to sincerely contemplate the next leader of the free world, please be honest with what you are and remember this is no time to fuck around.

Drinks for my friends.

Make that naive.

This race for President is what they call a statistical dead heat. Scary. My mind tells me this is to be expected. Most of the electorate are just beginning to pay attention. This scares me too.

They have almost completely assimilated Our Man’s message of “Change”, even after they made fun of it. It’s not a wafer thin slice of deli meat, not even an RCH short, of equal parts creepy and awesome. So depressingly illuminating. Proof that it doesn’t take much too fool some of the people all of the time. Proof that there’s an assload of them.

Same thing they did with patriotism.

I’m having a lazy day so expect nothing above the level of ad hominem, grandiloquent, fucking pomposity.

I gotta tell ya, this shit is ridiculous. Sarah Palin has not strayed from the script by so much as a misplaced pause. They were going to let her play with others on her own starting tommorrow but they understand two things. Not only is she way too short on experience and knowledge of any kind, but there’s enough stupid people in America lusting to hear the same goddamn thing she says every night, word for retarded word, over and over while they languish in their adult diapers.

Bonus, they hang around for Doubtfire.

I’m not here to pretend I’m confused or shocked. I’m thoroughly cognizant of how many mouth breathing, God fearing, dogmatically handicapped there are among us. It feels like the majority.

I’m not here to abandon hope. I’m still convinced our ticket will prevail. It has to. I’m not kidding when I say the future of the human species depends upon it.

Somehow, I retain optimism.

Here’s the deal. Just because they’re stupid doesn’t mean they can’t be manipulated by the forces of good. Proof they are infinitely malleable is the Darkside’s easy exploitation of millions by fear alone. Nothing says they won’t respond to logic and compassion.

It could happen. Regardless of whether it’s possible, it must come to pass. It must be.

What I’m trying to say here at the risk of sounding way too rah rah, is that it’s time for every single one of us to do something. Donate, volunteer, talk to your friends, intimidate your neighbors, staple bumper stickers to the heads of the great unwashed. Have parties. Get hookers and strippers to get other hookers and strippers involved. Recruit. Convince and pummel if necessary. Don’t be afraid to throw hands if they get snide on ya. If they’re like that, it’s a lost cause.

Try to hum the Star Spangled Banner to yourself and be sure to show good posture in administration of your duties as a member of the brighter side of things. Be positive and cheerful. Smile. Show them you care.

We always make the mistake of focusing on the fact that there’s so many idiots out there. Nevermind that it’s sad but true. Understand that if they are engaged in a way that smells good to them, they’ll respond with enthusiasm. Barbecues work and so does booze.

Don’t forget less than savory women and cocaine.

The challenge you face is not winning over the mentally disadvantaged, that which you face is about you and your willingness to see this bud of hope flower. To hold it in your hands as it blooms, feeling it’s soft petals strain against your palms and fingers.

That’s what you can expect if you believe.

I am here tonight to implore you elite and sophisticated pricks to take arms. Coddle, cuddle, convince, cajole, coerce, cudgel and calumniate. Do your best and then your worst. Let them know you’re not here to fuck around. Take charge and blame everyone else if necessary.

GO FORTH

Drinks for my friends.

A cautionary tale.

Had Hitler had not suffered from the delusional ganduer of acute and chronic hubris, we might be speaking German these days. The Germans were way on the nuclear tip. Their rocket technology and know how was far beyond what anyone else understood. They pounded the shit out of London with the V2. They were mere months away from a jet aircraft.

Hitler took on Russia in the winter. Napolean made a similar mistake more than two hundred years before. Russia was Hitler’s demise. Napolean’s as well. Pride and stupidity all the way around.

We lost, as a country, over half a million men in WWII. Lives. Russia spent somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty million. Lives. Twenty million lives.

All I know about Korea is it was ugly and we gained nothing. Net zero. Wait, a pretty good TV show. And Kim Jong-il, he’s the best whackjob on the international stage. I bet the military industrial folks were happy.

Vietnam saw us lose over fifty thousand. Lives. Who really knows the number of Vietnamese lives lost? Millions of Vietnamese lives.

Iraq has seen over four thousand American lives lost, but by some estimates as many as a million Iraqi lives. Lives.

I’m telling you this because it’s relative. It’s relevant.

Vietnam was at best, a misguided idea. The bad idea was allowed to become a huge mistake. The only benefit was enjoyed by the military industrial complex. Ike warned us a decade before but it didn’t take.

The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike.

I’m just gonna skip to a point. WWII was a bloody, horrible conflict. A proud German populace sought to rise above a flogging by the world after the first big stupid war and ended up wading into cruel and vicious zealotry. Evil reared it’s disgusting head. Japan came along and America had itself a war of epic proportions.

As near as I can tell, we had no choice. What we did was impressive. We mechanized all available industrial capability and trained millions to fight and build the engines of war inside of a few years. America didn’t sacrifice the lives or pay the price other countries did, but we were awesome. Pivotal. We got together as a country.

We still paid a heavy price.

It was a good thing, don’t forget, something for which there was no other choice.

As far as I know, WWII is the last just war we fought.

Let’s talk about this one.

Iraq.

They can’t define victory for this scenario because for an occupation, no defintion of victory exists. How to win an occupation? No answer. If there was a definition of victory to be had at all, it would be the public lynching of Saddam. Found him in a hole. Long time ago. Hung him. Been there, done that. Killed his sons. A shameful hour of amateurism. Sad, crude and ugly.

Don’t go all hawk on me. He was a complete bastard that deserved the taste of his own blood.

You know, war is way more fucked up than any of us who haven’t particiapted can possibly understand. That’s why it’s so devastatingly awful, so tragic and insane when war happens for reasons stupid or none at all.

Reasons for this war in Iraq are bogus or not at all.

Imagine being lucky enough to be one of the millions of Iraqis driven from your home as opposed to perishing inside it. Now, if you have the resources, your only option is a foreign country. The only possible safety. Ninety eight percent of these people didn’t ask for this and don’t deserve it.

It is without a doubt, the stupidest thing we’ve ever done. Most Americans are not even aware of the damage wrought. Cities reduced to rubble and the suffering and the blood and death and the horror. American families never again to see sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers and mothers.

The world reels, slaps it’s forehead and collapses into a chair. Much of the world, our fellow humans, don’t understand at all.

For what? WMD? An imminent threat that could come in the shape of a mushroom cloud? These jackasses so goddamn inept they didn’t even bother to stage some miraculous discovery to justify such madness. I was convinced they’d contrive some WMD epiphany.

By the way, where the fuck are Condi and Darth? I get nervous when we can’t see what their up to.

What I’m trying to point out here, is that when war is waged for reasons unjust, the end result will never be viewed as any kind of victory by any definition. It’s impossible. America is in the middle of right this now.

Once again, the only benefit enjoyed is by private military and security contractors, and well, the newest wrinkle in global conflict, big oil and the rest of Dick-in-Bush’s filthy friends. This at the expense of well over ten billion dollars a month when you factor the vigorish. Your children will be be paying this debt and the vig for decades. Ask yourself and your friends for what?

For fucking what?

It’s enough to make me projectile vomit with a velocity that allows for not but a fine mist of regurgitate to spot my liberal pinko blouse. A little soda water and I’m as good as new.

This all brings us to the goddamn surge. Far too much gravitas is afforded here. I’m getting sick and tired of Doubtfire taking credit for saving Iraq. It is not saved, safe or won by any means. What it is, is stupid.

A movement dubbed the “Anbar Awakening” among Sunnis in direct opposition to Al-Qaeda in Iraq began in early 2006. The tribes got together to decide enough is enough. They also announced that “this sucks”. They began to cooperate with each other and America.

The United States Government is paying between a hundred and a hundred and fifty thousand Sunni fighters about $300 a month to abstain from engaging US forces and otherwise stop stirring the shit. Part of the deal includes the Sunnis being integrated in to the emerging Iraq infrastructure and new Iraqi government.

This all pre-dates the surge by six months or so.

The crippling flaw is the the abscence of an emerging infrastructure and a vacuum of new government.

Dick-in-Bush have signed a lease that guarantees participation in this clusterfuck for years to come. We walk away and those Sunnis run amok. Chaos, destruction and the stink of death take on a whole new momentum and meaning.

Maher posits the Americans have become so narcisisstic that we expect our President to be just like us. Stupid and underinformed. It’s not so much about Race with Our Man, Americans are reluctant to vote for anyone smarter than them. Fuck me. I want a President that can whoop my ass in a game of chess, checkers, maybe Monopoly or Chutes and fucking Ladders.

Hey McCain, fuck you and your fucking surge. Tell the truth and stop wearing the one unpopular thing you’ve done in a decade as some preposterous badge of honor. You sir, are an idiot. Not so much for the sheer size of the whopper lies you foist upon us, but I pray stupid enough to underestimate an average American’s capacity for the bullshit they represent.

Stop prentending you couldn’t or wouldn’t sell us out. You already have.

You’re a dick.

My threshold of awe is only consistently breached by the fact that Doubtfire is still competive in the polls. Unbelievable.

Imagine what a third world war will look like.

Drinks for my friends.

First up, Cindy Stepford McCain. Oh boy. Can’t wait.

Out she comes with the whole dam fam minus the Bootlicker and introduces them before dismissing them. She goes to Gustav victims. She speaks like she’s on something. She’s an empty vessel. Maybe her batteries are low. I wonder what she looks like without her face plate.

“If only the Federal Government would get itself under control and out of our way”. She’s boring. Cut to What’s Her Name telling her daughter to “smile for me”.

Sappy, predictable and obvious. Offered in dulcet tones of halcyon. She comes from the house that Anheuser built. She steals mustard packets from fast food restaurants. She always has kleenex on her somewhere.

She manages to highlight the profound lack of substance in every speech thus far at this convention, in stark contrast to the style AND subtance served up by the Democrats last week. No mention of the beleaguered middle class, the suffering poor, health care et al, nor a whiff of what they intend to do about any of it.

Doubtfire is next. I’m looking for policy, metrics, specifics……….

I’m not holding my breath. That’s not to say I’m not touching myself. It’s purely platonic. Intellectual. You know what I mean.

The video introduction is heavy on the POW thing. Ok, I fucking get it. Enough. Oh yeah, and he’s a maverick. Lotsa black folks in the video. Whatever. Talk about a desperate whore for a brand.

He ambles geriatric to the dais. The knot in his tie is mediocre and the garment itself is yellow. Cut to a sign that says you can’t win an occupation. Another cut to a sign that says McCain votes against vets. Chants of USA. He actually mentions Dumbya for keeping us safe or something; offering us proof that although his phallus is withered and dry, his balls touch the water in the bowl.

So far it’s all fluff. He goes on and on. Family, yadda, yadda yadda yadda. He tells us he won’t let us down and he’ll earn our trust. Some grace when talking about Our Man. A little humility even.

Tumescence anyone?

Prosperity and peace is the message as dissenters are manhandled out of the venue. He calls it “ground noise and static” and they laugh. He’s going to stand on our side and fight for our future and he’s found the right patrner to do so. He proceeds to lie shamelessly about her. He’s creepy when he forces a smile after making it a point to lie.

Change is coming he tells us.

Time for a smoke.

He’s gonna veto pork barrel spending. I guess that’s how intends to solve our economic woes. Republicans are astonishingly anti-union.

And then,”rather lose an election than a war”. Fuck me. I’m shirtless so I haven’t ruined my pinko liberal blouse. The communist in me smiles and heads to the bathroom to wash up.

He fights for us he says. He’s nearly as dull as his wife. We’re going to get back to basics. We’re all God’s children and we’re all Americans. A culture of life. As opposed to what? Judges who don’t legislate from the bench. Families and communities. A government that doesn’t make your choices for you.

Uh huh.

Lies about Democrats and taxes. Democrats will close markets. His tax cuts will create jobs. I assume he’s talking about the Bush tax cuts. Good luck with that one Doubtfire. More lies about taxes and healthcare. They eat it up. A bureaucrat will stand between you and your healthcare. Um, ok. That’s different from now how?

Oh, how the great unwashed covet and then adore to feast on the lies.

He offers a follicle of policy without specificity. We’re on to education. His answer is a choice for parents as to where they send their children to school. Good luck with that John. Don’t try to fix it, walk away. Privatize it. That’s breathtakingly stupid in light of the egregious impact deregulation and privatization has visited upon the struggling and downtrodden.

You know, your base, fuckhead?

Good show Bootlicker.

He’s gonna battle big oil. Is that despite the money he takes from them? Drill baby, drill. Again, a modicum of policy in the broadest and most ambiguous of terms.

Terror, terror, terror. Russia and more Russia. International lawlessness. Ha! He knows how the world works. He knows how to secure the peace. He hates war. Good to know.

Vietnam.

Time for a smoke. And a cocktail refresh.

I’m getting sleepy. More POW stuff. War stories. Again, respect an admiration but enough is enough. It’s not a qualification for President. I’m sorry, it’s just not. It’s a courageous story. He may be a better man than me or possibly you, but in light of all else that is requisite, it’s simply not enough.

It makes him suspect.

The camera finds a sign with the word maverick spelled wrong.

He wraps it up with some sentimental euphoria, the balloons and confetti drop and the families take the stage and they play Barracuda by Heart. Wonder how Anne and Nancy feel about that.

Who cares. I give him a D minus. He barely passed. I am not impressed.

At least What’s Her Name was entertaining.

“Don’t let your sly eye ricochet off the silver in a hobo’s pocket”. -Colbert

Drinks for my friends.

Official brainspank forecast. It’s round two and these bastards have lots to do. What’s Her Name will either do a face plant or impress with a fine batting exhibition.

Gonna go blow by blow again.

Put your tray tables in the upright…………

Guy Smiley (Romney) is up. Lame start. So far no magic in the underwear. Tries to say Washington is liberal with a handful of ridiculous points. He says we need to change Washington from liberal to conservative. It is one of the emptiest, factually challenged speeches I’ve ever heard. He actually said, “opportunity expands……when constitutional freedoms are preserved”. He actually said, “It’s time for the party of big ideas, not the party of big brother”. What the fuck?

Non-co2 producing nuclear energy? Huh?

Republicans believe there is good and evil? Good for them.

More bullshit terror rhetoric. Chants of USA.

Guy Smiley never had a day when he wasn’t proud to be an American. Lord knows I have. I’ve been straight up embarrassed to be an American. Republicans are nothing if not vainglorious.

Romney is exactly a twat.

Next up Huckabee. He’s a crazy bastard but I kinda like him. He says the elite media has unified the Republican party because of their tacky coverage. Does anyone not remember the darling status afforded by the media that McCain has enjoyed for like, ever?

Then he has the balls to make change the mantra of his speech. Now he’s off after less government. Now bloviating about taxes and abortion. Republicans never met a cliche they didn’t like. More POW crap. Praise for the veterans because we all know how Democrats loathe the veterans.

I love how they all rail against big government. The United States Government has never been bigger or more inept. Not a single mention thus far, tonight or last night, of Dumbya. Hmmmmm…………. methinks they doth protest too much.

Less empty seats tonight.

Fuck me, Skeletor (Guiliani) is up next. I’m sort of looking forward to him telling some real whoppers.

Here he comes and unfortunately, he’s not in drag.

He has no lips. He says Hollywood celebrities don’t get to decide. Um, ok. Experience. Ha! McCain is a hero. Sacrifice. P.O.W…..blah, blah, blah.

Makes fun of Our Man’s service as a community organizer. Instead of taking the big bucks? Tries to to say Our Man is somehow indecisive, because of his “present” votes. Realistically, not a bad point.

Calls him a celebrity Senator, without leadership or legislation to speak of. So, Sarah has authored copious tracts of legislation has she? Disingenuous at best. Experience……..blah, blah, blah. Change. Taxes, smaller government, more energy independence accompanied by chants of ‘drill, baby, drill’. Retards.

Terrorism. Sept 11, right on cue. Troop surge. Tries to accuse Our Man of being a flip flopper. Huh. As opposed to Doubtfire? Does he really believe this shit? The mayor of New York City touts the service of Palin as mayor of whatever that jerkwater town is. That’s rich. Think if she wasn’t the presumptive VP, Skeletor would even tolerate her as a stain on his shoe?

Forgive me, but Rudy Guiliani is completely full of shit. He has no lips and is overly fond of dressing like a woman.

Here comes what’s her name. Didn’t even have time for a smoke. She is kinda hot. I like chicks in glasses. Standing O.

She’s poised but if I hear the line about losing an election instead of losing a war one more time, vomit will spray from my nose all over my liberal pinko blouse.

Her son is going to Iraq. Predictable praise for the troops. The daughters, Bristol won’t stand because she’s pregnant, seventeen and her boobs are huge. Then we see Trig (sp?). She kinda milks her family. Pun intended. I guess she’s obligated. Todd (husband) hands Trig (sp?) off so he can stand. The parents stand and they look kinda hip.

Seems like a nice family.

She’s a good speaker. Bristol stands. She’s big. Her mom’s hot. Did I say that or think it? The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick. Not bad.

She does well and goes right after Our Man, they armed her well. She chumps the media. This move always cracks me up but her delivery is spot on.

Michel Martin (NPR) said we underestimate this woman at our peril. Republicans are not smarter than I think, but this woman just may be. She’s good.

She does lie large about the bridge to nowhere.

She lies about her pipeline which goes through Canada.

She does a little foreign policy dance that is over most of their heads. They have no idea what she’s talking about. Stupid white people.

She goes populist, and swings hard. She is the most effective by far produced by her party as a spoiler of Our Man.

Quick to boilerplate and still a marksman. Standard lies and out of context exaggerations. Whatever.

Vicious, aggressive and a goddamn surgical striker. She’s smooth and she’s mean.

She mocks Our Man but pulls it off.

Way too much POW poetry. This is the kind of talk McCain used to shy away from. He avoided it. He shunned it. Now he embraces it and pontificates at length. Ain’t no shame in his game.

She goes long but she never loses them. She’s blown every other speaker off the stage.

And then Doubtfire testifies. Big suprise.

The Republicans have acquitted themselves with an adroit and accurate fist. Gotta say. Well done.

Now, not to drop a steamer in the punch bowl, but kids, try to remember you’re voting for the top of the ticket. No matter what, you’ll be stuck with Doubtfire.

I need to make a point here. In the simplest of terms, people aren’t worth a shit until they’ve had their asses kicked. I don’t trust people who I know, or even sense, have not at least endured some degree of adversity. Myself, I’ve seen some shit, but I doubt it’s enough. I suspect the worst is still on it’s way.

It’s simple really. I don’t see Sarah Palin as someone who’s had her ass handed to her. There’s a certain quality of humility missing. That kind of humility is evident in a dramatic and simultaneously subtle way in Barack Obama.

Sarah Palin is an actress.

Drinks for my friends.

It is wholly appropriate for the velocity of the RNC to be so compromised by a hurricane falling to land on the Gulf Coast almost three years to the day after a hurricane named Katrina did the same. The response, to that storm, which Republicans fucked up so badly, it’s become a stain on the party and an avatar of of their compassionless failure and clueless ineptitude.

They didn’t even know how bad they’d screwed it up until it was almost over. By then, they didn’t care.

“The Republicans can’t seem to get a break when it comes to August and when it comes to the weather,” Karl Rove, -TPM

How convenient it morphed into a reason for preventing Dumbya and Darth from bearing witness; pariahs both in their own party. A little gift from Mother Nature to the Republicans. They clearly weren’t looking forward to that kind of steerage. Nevermind the cartage.

Laura Bush gets up and kicks it off by touting the unfunded mandate we know as “No Child Left Behind”. She says that apparently some fifty million people now live in freedom in Iraq and Afghanistan. Sheezus. First huge lie.

Still, I kinda like her. She has an absent minded dignity that’s a little infectious.

I only say that because somewhere, I have sympathy for her.

Next, we get Dumbya on the satellite. More POW bullshit. Standard bogus boiler plate lies. Empty words from an empty suit. Requisite references to 911. Yawn. I’m reminded for the millionth time that his eyes are too close together.

Thankfully, both speeches are brief.

Lotsa empty seats.

Well then, it’s the obligatory tribute to Reagan. A man who became the catalyst for the devastation of America’s middle class. A man who brought Russia to her knees by outspending them at the expense of America’s workers and the enrichment of the military industrial complex and therefore, the wealthiest among us. Trickle down economics my ass.

Reagan sucked. Why do Republicans insist on being so gay for him?

Fred Thompson’s speech blows. Sarah Palin. What a joke. He tells us the choice for her as VP has panicked the Democrats. Good luck with that. It does crack us up. What a tool. He touts her ability to “field dress a moose”. Do I need to highlight the obtuseness of that? I hope not.

We hear more about Doubtfire’s time in Vietnam. I respect his service and his sacrifice, but that’s where it ends with me. I’m impressed. But that’s it. He gives credit to Republicans for balancing the budget and rebuilding the military. Good luck with that too. He’s lying. The second huge lie. I think that was a guy named William Jefferson C.

John McCain will not feel the need to apologize for America. Arrogance. Then, what has become beyond trite and cliche, the tax scare and abortion. Republicans are still that stupid. Fred Thompson is that stupid.

What’s up with all the empty seats?

All the crowd can manage to chant is USA. They can’t seem to wrap a rythm around two syllables or four.

I guess Benedict Fliptop (Lieberman) is up next. Oh boy. I really hate this guy.

He goes to the economy and terrorism right away. He takes a swing at unity. The camera pans to Gingrich a handful of times. Curious. The camera finds a Black guy standing and clapping. Bonus.

Colbert would demand an Asian.

Lieberman tells us he’s a Democrat. Bullshit, He’s an Independent. Democrats abandonded him because he’s an idiot. Whatever. His speech is completely empty. No substance. I see a Democrats for McCain sign but ‘Democrats’ is spelled wrong. Take what you will from that.

I must tell you that although I’m an aspiring pacifist, I fantasize about punching Benedict Fliptop in the mouth. Hard. A haymaker. What a douchebag. The only reason he’s there is because he wants war to continue, he wants it to grow. All I see is a man who cares far more about Israel than he does America. I loathe him.

They have nothing. The Repubilcans have shown up to a firefight with those cool Star Trek toy guns that shot little plastic discs. Remember those? If not, please substitute squirt guns in your mind’s eye.

What we have here, is a failure to communicate.

There’s some post convention interviews on the floor as I leave CNN’s coverage. A group of delegates from Texas all dressed in matching outfits. They say they are proud of Dumbya for what he’s done for pro life issues and faith based institutions. They say it was painful to applaud to applaud Bill Clinton.

Forgive me here, but you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. All that goes on in the world every goddamn day and that’s the top of their goddamn list?

By the way, Campbell Brown rocks. She pissed on Tucker Bounds’ lunch. She did it with restraint and discretion and still cleaned his clock because he was woefully unprepared. I guess it cost Larry King a McCain interview tomorrow night. What a pussy is Doubtfire.

The demonstrations and the arrests continue to gain mass and attention. This may end up being half the story.

Drinks for my friends.

As far as I’m concerned, the Clintons have done their job. Passionate, sincere speeches full to bursting with conviction and enthusiasm. The matriarch and the patriarch of the Democratic party have gracefully bequeathed the Democratic flame.

Well done Bill. Well done Hillary. Very well done.

I mean at the very least, we know Bill to be an expert liar, but I bought his message tonight. Call me crazy.

I must tell you, my optimism is renewed.

“Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.” -Fleetwood Mac

Amen.

Be afraid you willfully ignorant Republicans. Be scared shitless.

I’m an American. I love my country and what it has stood for. It is time for us to stand for those things again. I say fuck you John McCain. In light of the policies you endorse and the ideals you embrace, I’m more than willing to question your patriotism. I’m here to question your judgement. I’m here to seriously question your sanity.

I’m not as anxious to cut you the slack everyone else seems so willing to afford you. I think you’re wrong, anachronistic, obsolete and absurd. I think you suck and you’re bad for America and the world.

I gotta tell ya, this convention is good stuff. The Democratic party has been gathering steam for years and they are about to explode all over America. No worries, it’ll be like a warm spring rain. Not sticky at all.

The Republicans have nothing but ad hominem rhetoric, fear and divisiveness. They sure as hell have nothing on the issues. They have rent the American ethic asunder, without apology, without remorse. They have no business attempting to cast aspersions on those of us who dare to think outside of their stupid, pitifully small box. How dare they question us after how badly they have screwed it all up in so short a time.

Ever notice how their eyes are way too close together? And they squint when they think hard.

As my old producing partner Al used to say, there’s a fine line between clever and stupid.

Then there’s Joe.

There is perhaps no better person in the U.S. Senate than Joe Biden. Know how I know? After thirty six years in the United States Senate, he’s it’s poorest member. On paper, he’s not worth shit. He’s in debt. My kinda guy.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the perfect ticket. A man of hope and optimism and the intelligence to see it through and a man with the experience and the goddamn down in the dirt kick your ass toughness to get shit done.

My man Biden parked it tonight. It was not one inch short of gorgeous. Biden is the shit. Powerful, pissed and righteous.

Republicans may as well sit this one out. Why show up if you’re just gonna get your ass handed to you? Why behave in public if you’re living on a playground? Stay home. Have a few beers and don’t worry. You only stand to benefit here, even though you may not deserve it.

What we have here, is a successful communication. Yes we do.

Doubtfire will go down in flames because he has it coming. He deserves it.

And really, this is far larger than either he or his faithful, or party-line Republicans have the capacity to grasp. It’s weird that it’s beyond them, but it is.

Drinks for my friends.

Ever since the bastard visited the worst kind of yellow journalism on Ahmadinejad last year, I’ve had a black place for him in my mind. I’m no fan of that shit Ahmadinejad, but Pelley’s questions were pregnant with flawed assumption and bullshit jingoism.

I enjoy 60 Minutes. Often brilliant. Yet, Pelley in particular, when reporting on all matters of war and foreign affairs, consistently misses the point. He did it again tonight. He grilled a soldier who’d never seen combat, thrust into the hottest of zones, over his actions and command in Haditha, Iraq after a vehicle in his convoy had been blown sky high and his men had come under fire in an urban enviroment.

Within minutes, his unit had killed twenty four Iraqi civilians.

Within minutes.

It happened that fast, so yeah, mistakes were made.

Pelley plumbed the depths for an explanation of the recklessness and the degree of remorse. Of course, Robert Wuterich was more than sorry, but he said that under the conditions he could not imagine doing anything differently. It was chaos.

Wuterich will face courtmartial for the events of that day.

He said something like he never intended to go murder people in their houses, it’s what happened as he acted according to the way he was trained. He did not intend to be responsible for the deaths of twenty four civilians.

I’m not excusing it or them, I’m just saying it was close to impossible.

Whatever.

It’s all completely beside the point.

Dick-in-Bush are the criminals. Condi and Rummy et. al.

By some estimates, over a million Iraqi civilians have been killed as a result of American military operations in Iraq.

So, somebody please explain what the point could possibly be for prosecuting a soldier for murder under the circumstances they found themselves in. Circumstances our President and his cavalcade of greedy neoconservative douchebags have immersed our soldiers in. Sunk them in, so that many can barely breathe.

This is fucked up. America seeks to prosecute soldiers for a split second decision when they are surrounded by an enemy that is indistinguishable from the populace. A child, a woman or an old man may be pregnant with fifty pounds of exposives under traditional garb.

Congruent to Abu Ghraib, where guards were persecuted and prosecuted for an ethic of permissable torture and degradation that originated and was fomented in the highest corridors of power of the United States military authority.

It’s a goddamn joke. And it makes me want to puke. Engineer the clusterfuck and then hold the actors you cast in the ridiculous play responsible for the words you put in their mouths and the deeds you script in black and white.

Man, I hate these guys.

Where do they hope this sort of precedent will lead? Irresponsible. Unconscionable. Stupid and entirely without accountability or compassion.

They have destroyed everything. The trust and will of the world and the will and trust of the people of this country, undermined and sick.

Thus far, accountability has gone as far as soldiers and guards. That, boys and girls, is really bad news.

Allow me to recommend “The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder” by Vincent Bugliosi.

Forgive me, but how many morons are holding out for McCain? Seriously. You people are killing me.

Drinks for my friends.

What kind? I don’t know. Find me someone who can demonstrate that this shuffling knucklehead is impaired. These are in no particular order.

1. At a campaign event today, Doubtfire made it a point to agree with “everything” a woman who said she saw no way to continue all that we’re engaged in militarily and still follow Bin Laden to the gates of Hell without a draft. The last words out of her mouth were about the draft. Doesn’t matter if it was some version of a verbal typo, what a loser. Not a statement or even an explanation from his campaign.

2. The cross story. The same goddamn story he’s been telling since the cassette tape was king. At first it was about someone else. Now he’s combined it with the rope story and tells it in the first person. He must be one desperate bastard to cheapen and exploit his devastating sacrifice for a little bump in the polls. I’m anxious to put what may be too fine a point on the issue of Senator McCain’s service to his country. Wes Clark pointed out that his internment during the Vietnam war did not qualify him for commander in cheif. I agree. I’m of the opinion that it’s an event in any man’s life that would give me pause as to his stability. What I’m trying to say here is I think the guy is more than a little nuts.

3. He was a shitty pilot but his Old Man was a four star Admiral. He was fifth from bottom at Annapolis out of eight hundred and ninety nine cadets. Grandpa was a four star Admiral too. He crashed three or four planes. Without legacy, he never would have gotten in to Annapolis.

4. He’s a sellout. He brags about standing up to big oil while contributions to his campaign from that lobby went from half a million to two million as soon has he flopped on the useless idea of more offshore drilling. He consistently votes against veteran’s interests or he doesn’t bother to show up.

5. He’s an adulterer. I don’t really care about this one but everybody else seems to, so I thought I’d throw it in.

6. After Bush, Rove and Cheney bent him over to enter him with an ICBM sans lube in the 2000 Presidential primary, his withered, birdy lips have been around the evil triumvirate’s blackened and pre-tumescent phallus ever since. It’s disgusting. The man has no shame.

7. I loathe this campaign strategy of coloring Our Man as some kind of elitist. McCain has eight residences, far from ordinary residences. He wears five hundred dollar shoes. I bet it’s been less than a handful of years that Our Man might afford such shoes. How many houses you think he owns? It’s a fucking lie. A huge one. The worst kind because it’s such blatant hypocrisy. Our Man, no father, entirely self made, no legacy, an elitist. Fuck you Doubtfire.

8. His membership in the “Keating Five” and the Lincoln Savings & Loan conflagration. Our first Enron.

9. He’s completely wrong on Iraq. The other night on television when pressed to define what rich is he burped five million in annual income. Earlier this year when asked about the possibility of occupation in Iraq for fifty years, he vomited the idea of a hundred. He doesn’t know how to use a computer. He only recently learned of the difference between Sunni and Shia. He cannot comb his own hair. How’s that for number nine bitches?

10. He’s a dick. He craps in a bag. He pisses himself and his bed chronically. Nobody likes him. He smells funny. He picks his nose and his ass and smells his fingers. He’s addicted to lip gloss. There’s a precancerous discoloration on his back about the size of an omelette that looks like 666. He loves to call attention to his farts. He enjoys to eat dog. His wife is an android from Stepford. He’s never gone downtown on a woman and uses faith as his excuse. He’ll throw a rock at a little kid whenever he can get away with it. He has shat in more than one closet at more than one dinner party.*

*I don’t know any of number ten to be true but none of it would suprise me. I thought it was only fair to toss some lies out there. The “liberal” media seem to have no problem with it. After all, it’s a lot of fun. The other nine however, are the absolute truth with my hand up.

Drinks for my friends.

I was troubled after the CNN presentation of interviews with both candidates by the leader of the Saddleback Church, Rick Warren.

Question number one is who is this friendly bastard and why is he here? National Television. An influential religious figure gets this kind of airtime on a cable news network?

All I care to know is he heads a megachurch. The fourth largest in the country. The biggest in the biggest state of California.

So you know, fuck him. Ha! That much power in the venue of God and fear and the fear of God, discredits the man entirely in my book.

Ever seen “There Will Be Blood”?

He seemed nice enough. Some of the questions were compelling.

John “conception” McCain did very well. The bar was low but he succeeded in raising it. You know, they said the same about Dumbya. So yeah, Doubtfire did quite well and that pains me of course. He was direct and resolute. Simple. I imagine he’d just had his cocktail of vitamins and stimulants via the nightly needle.

Our Man was far more conversational and relaxed. Yes, he was nuanced. Profoundly. When he spoke of the humility we must maintain when confronting evil because too much harm has been done in the name of good for example. Eloquent and salient. This guy is good.

The thing is this, that honest and thoughtful shit doesn’t always play in Peoria or Clearwater. That’s a shame.

I’m angry. I’m over having to make room for the stupid, lazy and underinformed. It doesn’t take a genius to see we’re fucked and the group that’s fucking us are all dressed the same with similar haircuts. The codgers all sport the “Doubtfire”. The Dorothy Hamill for the pasty set. Often they look like their pink heads are about to combust under their pale gossamer combovers.

Except the insurgents, they look like us. They talk liberal but vote neocon.

What that is, is talking complex to obfuscate ignorance. Willfull ignorance.

I have empathy for the authentically stupid.

I have disdain for the willfully ignorant. They disgust me. Intellectually dishonest, most likely greedy and dispassionate.

Sometimes it all seems so hopeless.

I talked to two good old friends today. Older and younger by about the same amount. Both very good men. I have a much stronger bond with one of them but it doesn’t matter here. The older was far more pessimistic than my younger friend. I was curious to find myself in the middle. It struck me that chronologically, my veiws were predictable. Typical.

Then I considered the company I was in. That thought became a bit of a revelation. I flirted with epiphany.

It never quite came.

The older said truthfully that we can and always will do worse.

The younger said honestly that he believes we will do better and there is a way.

I have Deja Vu.

Drinks for my friends.