Archive for the ‘Hillary’ Category

“So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations,” he concluded.

Of course their bitter, I am.

Perhaps the only thing wrong with that sentiment is it’s being of maybe too broad a generalization. It is however, true in at least some contexts. Shrillary endeavors to use the remarks as an adhesive to affix a label of elitist to our man Obama.

Forgive me here, but that’s fucking absurd. Abandonded by his father at two years old, a mother who died young and eventually being raised by grandparents; in so many ways, Barack Obama is the epitome of the American ideal of a self made man. Whereas Shrillary and her husband sit atop a pile of filthy lucre so vast it would feed and clothe a third world country. Nothing wrong with that pile save for the component of hypocrisy Shrillary insists on injecting.

This is non-news on a slow news day as far as I’m concerned. I’m an agnostic and therefore not of a mind to give a shit about any of it. It’s transparently disingenuous. Silly season.

We can do better than this. The Little Bootlicker should be drawing this kind of fire for sponsoring the idea that those very people die for one more day, much less a hundred more years, in a pointless war based on lies and for aspiring to keep tax cuts to the rich permanent. If Shrillary is looking for an elitist, she need look no further than John McCain. Silly season indeed.

In light of that, this kind of rhetoric is destructive, irresponsible and smacks of desperation. It is more than likely that Obama will secure the nomination and Shrillary has just handed Doubtfire a box of bullets with our man’s name on them as well as emptying his piss bag for him. Way to go Hills. You continue to disgust.

Meanwhile, back at the conflagration, gas is four bucks a gallon, eighty thousand jobs lost last month, people are losing their homes right and left, a seven hundred thirty six million dollar “embassy” the size of the fucking Vatican opens in Iraq next month while our troops suffer more casualties and deaths last week than any other so far this year. How’s that “surge” working you pricks?

You’ve got be fucking kidding me.

Drinks for my friends.

Hey kids. Hope you’re all in the mood for a puppet show because I am. If you look close, you’ll see that many of the puppets have freckles and some even wear glasses. Be good to yourself!

A net loss of eighty thousand jobs last month. Three airlines go under in one week. Record foreclosures and an outrageously exorbitant bailout of Bear Stearns by the Federal Reserve, i.e. your money.

Celent, a financial research firm, is forecasting a loss of two hundred thousand banking jobs over the next twelve to eighteen months. That’s one tenth kids. Expect to see similiar fallout from virtually every other private sector.

We are fighting a pointless war, the cost of which is said to be in excess of one hundred thousand dollars a minute. It is not being paid for. Yet. America is waging this war on credit. Future generations will get this tab. The cost, the burden, in lives, money, respect and trust from the world community, to be borne by Americans for decades to come.

We renewed the Blackwater contract 🙂

Decades, at least.

Lest ye think this surge in Iraq is going well, they’ve twice attacked the goddamn green zone. Three dead yesterday. Two dead and seventeen wounded in the safest place in Iraq. Yesterday. They are killing people in the Green Zone.

Baghdad is burning again.

Five shootings in the San Fernando valley this weekend. Crime in the greater Los Angeles area is way up. Local news loves this shit.

Meanwhile, the asshats in Washington stand around wringing hands over the definition of “recession”. They’re gonna send us three to six hundred bucks apiece and they encourage us to spend it. That should do it. I would’ve said three fifty to six fifty, but whatever. Six of one, one half dozen of the other.

In the spirit of ad nauseam, we spend about seven thousand per public school student, around thirty thousand per prisoner. We incarcerate more people per capita than any nation on earth. On the face of the planet. More than half of our entire budget is for killing people and blowing shit up. We do not have universal health care.

The American middle class atrophies faster than the polar icecaps.

This is the legacy of Dumbya. His legacy is our perfect storm. It will be a long one.

This is fucked up. It is ridiculous.

I’m seriously starting to wonder if agriculture might not be the next hot job ticket. I’m nervous because I live in the city and there’s no place to plant carrots.

We, as Americans, mill around bleating like sheep over a black man or woman or maybe the guy who wants to pursue a pointless war indefinitely and an absolute clusterfuck of economic policies.

We are pathetic.

Everyone holds their breath over whether Pennsylvania will end up more misogynist than racist, and if so, to what degree. I’m over it. We’ll never get exactly what we want or what we need but can someone tell me why the fuck McCain is in this race?

Are there that many of us that are that stupid? He’s insane. How much you wanna bet we either catch him asleep or drooling on camera before the General in November? He’s seventy two years old. My mother is the same age, I wouldn’t vote for her and she’s not insane.

Sheezus!

As much as I hate to say it, we need you people. What do we have to do? You already know we won’t take your guns away. Chuck Heston took the dirt nap today and I’m wondering if they’ve pried it from his cold dead hands yet.

I couldn’t wait to make that joke.

We all want the same things. Safety and security. A decent living wage and a fair amount of personal freedom. Those things have all eroded over the past seven years, more rapidly than at any other time in American history.

Our founding fathers spin in their sarcophagi begging for a tachometer.

Aren’t there at least some of you that understand we need something new? C’mon. The sky is about to fall. No matter what we do it’s gonna get worse. How bad do you want it to be?

Don’t be stupid.

Drinks for my friends.

Looks like I’m all but forced to weigh in on this ugliness yet again. I’m doing so because well, Hillary did so today with all the panic, recklessness and shameless irresponsibility of a desperate woman who again demonstrates a glaring sense of entitlement for our nation’s Presidency.

I’m sure you’re all aware That Senator Obama delivered a compassionate, sincere and very personal disquisition on race in America last week in response to his Reverend’s sermons from the lectern. A speech that was as refreshing in it’s honesty and eloquence as was the absence of a cowardly mea culpa or spineless abandonment of a life long friend.

He took the onus off himself and placed it squarely on us. He did so by talking to us like adults.

I’m compelled to point out; a fair amount of what Reverend Wright said was true.

As she read from a prepared statement in response to a question today, she essentially said she indeed would have walked away from that church and it’s Reverend and followed up with the callow observation that we are free to choose our friends but not our relatives.

I don’t buy this shit for a minute. This, a transparent attempt to draw attention away from a blatant and chronic lie about ducking and hiding from sniper fire in Bosnia, by exploiting racial divisivness in the same breath. The only chance Shrillary has is to keep as many white people from voting for Obama as possible. The most efficient means of course, play the race card.

Hillary, you ingnorant slut.

You continue to disappoint. My own mother mentioned she glimpsed a cut-throat passive aggressiveness in you that she’d only observed in the very worst of her female bosses.

Nevermind that your efforts may ultimately be the Democratic party’s demise in a season that was once filled with possibility, potential and hope. Nevermind how proud and delighted I was to have our very first woman and our very first black man as genuine and viable candidates for the leader of the free world and for the longest time, race and gender were not at issue. Nevermind what you and your husband have done to soil what was shaping up to be a glistening Clinton legacy. Nevermind all of that and more.

Have you no shame? No integrity? Is there a line that you won’t cross in order to clutch that brass ring?

If for no other reason than your own posterity, I implore you to let it fucking go. You are embarrassing us. You are staining this process. You ARE an embarrassment to America.

Take a lesson from your own daughter, who when asked about Monica Lewinsky today, you know the intern that sucked your husbands dick, told the questioner it was none of their business. I would suggest that to be far more appropriate an answer as opposed to your obviously prepared remarks today.

And by the way, for you to allow James Carville’s cheap shot comparison of Governor Richardson to Judas without immediate repudiation is just more of the same. Shame on you. Rovian tactics indeed.

It is largely up to you whether or not this contest becomes a protracted battle in Denver this summer. If you allow that, it most certainly will be at the expense of us all. The time for you to walk away is fast approaching. Do the math.

Drinks for my friends.

Our man Obama’s been getting the shit kicked out of him this week. It’s been anything but pretty. Anything but fair.

Finally, CNN takes it upon itself to provide a more thorough context to the sermons by Reverend Wright they’ve bludgeoned us with all week ’til we’re torsos with tubes sticking out the tops of our necks. Turns out, he makes a little more sense than we’ve been allowed to glimpse thus far. Big suprise.

If you think injustice doesn’t exist in this country you’re an idiot and probably a racist. Just reminding you to think about a walk in his shoes.

But you already knew that.

You’re aware, if you read me regularly, that I’ve no patience for this kind of crap. I vehemntly object to events of this nature being injected into my politics. Not by a long shot do the least of my reasons include the conviction that religion has no place in a any political contest under any circumstances ever. I’m more than confident that any of the candidates are vulnerable and easily impugned based on something as inconsequential as who their goddamn pastor is and what he or she has to say.

In the instance of McCain, our little bootlicker, can you say John Hagee? If Hagee isn’t an evangelical whack job, I’ve never even smelled one. I know I have, because they stink like rotting flesh. This guy Hagee is a human shitsmear.

Hot on the heels of that, is race. The eight hundred pound gorilla that our obsequious and recalcitrant mainstream media refuses to stop reaching for the backs of our necks in order to get us to stare at. Once again, an issue that deserves no purchase whatsoever in this contest.

Doubtfire even considered an invitation to speak at Bob Jones University and endorsed a white supremacist running for Lt. Governor of Alabama, George Wallace Jr. in ’05.

See what I’m saying?

Today, Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico, former Presidential candidate and Clinton machine consort as well as Democratic super delegate, endorsed our man Obama.

He said:
“Senator Barack Obama addressed the issue of race with the eloquence and sincerity and decency and optimism we have come to expect of him,” he said. “He did not seek to evade tough issues or to soothe us with comforting half-truths. Rather, he inspired us by reminding us of the awesome potential residing in our own responsibility.” -NYT

“The reaction of some of Bill Clinton’s allies suggests that might have been a wise decision. “An act of betrayal,” said James Carville, an adviser to Hillary Clinton.” -Austin Statesman

Whatever the eventual fallout, Mr. Richardson has effectively locked the door behind him on the idea of running with Hills. I’m gonna go ahead and look at that as brave and wise. He knew he was on the short list for assistant manager.

There is a chance that the fever has broken.

Forgive me, but I’m here to urge you once again to move on from this collision of toddlers on tricycles. There’s really nothing to see. Don’t mistake the ruptured ketchup pillows for blood. It’s the twenty first century, they all wear helmets.

Move along.

Drinks for my friends.

Fuck me. The sheer indignance for her to suggest she’s being persecuted for her remarks because she’s white is astounding.

“Racism works in two different directions. I really think they’re attacking me because I’m white. How’s that?” -Geraldine Ferraro

You have got be fucking kidding me.

They’re attacking you because you’re a stupid bitch.

Geraldine Ferraro has without reservation or mitigation stepped into a flaming pile of shit. World Class Stupid. To not apologize or even attempt to show remorse for the way her words have even been percieved, is really fucking dumb. Barack Obama is “lucky” to be black, and that he would not be where he is today “if he were a white man” or “a woman.” These words coming from the first ever female candidate for Vice President of the United States.

Irresponsibly incincendiary and egregiously thoughtless. It wasn’t but a few weeks ago that Shrillary attempted to make meat and potatos of Louis Farrakhan’s endorsement of our man Obama. An event that he handled gracefully and with aplomb on live television.

Shame on you Hillary, for allowing this brand of aspersion to glimpse another news cycle without anything but resounding denouncement. After you, without hesitation, condemn tactics by your opponent as being out of the dirty politics of Karl Rove’s playbook not long ago, over criticism of your health care plan.

Baby, you’re starting to really suck. As much as your husband embarrassed you, you have become a desperate humiliation to his legacy. Keep reaching down instead of up and you will find both hands empty as a result of your tragic willingness to squander.

I used to like you. You have become as transparent as a cellophane wrapper over the head of an asphyxiated toddler. That’s pretty rough, I know. What I’m trying to say here is that the blue toddler is a metaphor for hope. Yeah, that smacks of pollyanna. Fucking sue me.

We as a nation are actually responding to hope. It’s gorgeous.

On the other hand, I can’t stand what’s going on here.

We all, regardless of race or gender, have our own issues with race and gender. I’m no fool. I believe the idea is to recognize them and endeavor to change them. Being accountable for your own sets of bias or prejudice should be the beginning of humility.

I guess that doesn’t happen to everybody.

Geraldine Ferraro should go blow Elliot Spitzer.

Drinks for my friends.

Yesterday Shrillary accused Obama of getting all Karl Rove on her ass. Oh really?

Did he set up a campaign funded phone bank to ask the people of Texas and Ohio if they’d still vote for her, despite giving birth to an illegitimate black child?

No.

Rove did that to McCain in two thousand

Did he sit back and allow the swiftboating of spurious lies about her public service?

No.

Rove did that to Kerry in two thousand four.

What he did, was say a few things in a mailer that he’s said to her face. I know, I saw it. In the very last debate. She just seems unable to avoid rising to the occasion as nothing but offensive and shrill. She couldn’t help attempting to land a glove on him by reaching too far beneath herself for a handul of shit on the idea he’s a blatant plagiarist. She was booed for her efforts.

Methinks she doth protest too much.

The Obama campaign answered back:

“But Obama’s campaign isn’t backing down. “Everything in those mailers is completely accurate,” says spokesman Bill Burton. “The facts are that Senator Clinton was a supporter of NAFTA and the China permanent trade treaties until this campaign began. And she herself has said that under the Clinton health care plan, she would consider “going after the wages” of Americans who don’t purchase heath insurance, whether they can afford it or not.” -Fox News

The truth is they are congruent on policy at least ninety percent of the time. Obama comes out on top in the remaining ten percent. He’s more charismatic and a far better orator.

She’s about to lose and she knows it. It is time focus on the dignity and grace you brought at end of the last debate my dear. The high road is your only choice, because you’ll still have a career.

Drinks for my friends.

Once the shouting ended, it was ultimately about a word I loathe somewhat. “Presidential”. If it can be defined as who one can most realistically picture as President of The United States, so be it. Still, it’s meaning is nebulous and very subjective and I think likely to be an intellectually dishonest concept.

He is certainly more selfless in his answers than she is. He simply has more charisma and composure.

Hillary closed very strong with a very poignant sentiment. She did however, stumble into a flaming pile of shit on her flogging of the plagiarism thing. She cancelled out the magnanimity she finished with.

Let me say this. There were certain instances where she did shine. When she said with gravity that we all knew she’d seen some shit. She didn’t suck. I was reminded how smart she is.

If there was an actual victor, it was brainspank endorsee Barack Obama. Despite that, it was remarkably civil and I was generally pleased at the conviviality of it all. Again, the truth is, despite my personal preference, we will be better off by far with either of these two. Things are looking up.

I see no reason for any additional debates at this point.

I want this man as my President. He is smarter than I am. I like that. I deserve that and so do you.

I also have to say, Obama stands a far better chance at handing McCain his ass come November. It’s obvious to me he’s far more formidable in that context than would be Hills, if for no other reason than his voting record on this dumb fucking war. I honestly believe that is something we forget at our peril.

We have no evidence whether Doubtfire is wearing a diaper or not.

Drinks for my friends.

So we learn today that the New York Times will publish a story tomorrow detailing alleged improprieties between Doubtfire and a lobbyist named Vicki Iseman.

I really don’t give a mad fuck whether McCain got his stinger wet or not. I didn’t care whether or not Big Bad Bill did either. It’s just not my business. It’s a serious matter, but a matter between the men in question and their families. It is just not our business. Peroid.

Get the fuck over it. If you care, you’re a loser. This message brought to you by my Council For Common sense and my Life Is Too Short……….See what I’m Saying? Coalition.

If, on the other hand favors were granted, special consideration extended, Minden/Gardenerville, we have a problem. As much as I make fun of the Little Bootlicker and doubt that his stinger has even approached tumescence in at least a decade, I have always believed him to possess a modicum of integrity. I would be happy to know these allegations are false.

Is he friends with Bob Dole?

I’m of the opinion that Doubtfire is essentially a good but profoundly misguided man. Somewhat of a dipshit. Yet still, a man with the courage of his convictions, as ridiculously stupid as they may be. I would be loathe to see this as a defining moment. To have it somehow be the pivot in the most important election in American history. It would inevitably soil the process and somewhat spoil it for me.

Although it says very little, he is the best they’ve got and I’d like to see a fair fight.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Hills has lost her mojo. She is looking more and more like a real estate agent, one I’d be happy to have, as she is an ass kicker. Less and less Presidential. Hard to watch.

They debate tomorrow night. I’ll be there. She’ll be stumbling out to a ninth round and it will be interesting to see what she brings.

She’s short, Obama likes to punch down.

By the way, we’ve proven we can blow a satellite out of orbit. It was doing seventeen thousand miles an hour while the Navy rocket was doing like five thousand. Ten second window.

I could do it. If I could practice on less important satellites for a few years.

Then I learn China has already pulled this off.

Drinks for my friends.

“calls into question the premise of his candidacy”
That motherfucking pisses me off.

I’m a writer, so is Mr. Obama. I lift from my consciousness and my unconciousness. The filter is off. I’m happy to quote someone and give them credit. I cite sources. But the filter is off.

He shared an appreciation with his friend, Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, of inspirational quotes by other historic Americans. There were but two commonalities between the speeches. The aforementioned sharing of enthusiasm for phrases that should be of public domain (if they are not already), and the concept that they are not “just words”.

Well, no shit they’re not just words: I have a dream. We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men are created equal.

They don’t even need quotes.

Plagiarism? Please. He was giving his buddy a wink and a nod at most.

It smacks of desperation and it’s beginning to spoil the taste of Clinton accomplishments past. It’s shrill. Sorry Hills, but yer playin like a bitch.

The latest Bill Clinton “meltdown” was not that at all. It was passion. As simple as a goddamn eye booger is, even after a shower. Sheezus.

He was being heckled by pro lifers at an event and he said, I’m just going to paraphrase here………..I gave you your answer and we disagree, you want to criminalize women and their doctors and we disagree. Then he goes on to defend his record and Hillary’s position with clarity and specifics while simultaneously ripping the dipshit who would heckle Bill Clinton into little of slices bologna on an issue as retard proof as abortion.

Passion.

By the way, the first place I found a link to the Vid was on a very conservative website. Seriously, the site is called Hillbilly white trash. It would be against my religious beliefs to post a link.

The rest of this crap, I gleaned from CNN. I don’t think of them as the end all, but for fucks sake. Slow news day?

I’m sorry children, but if there’s nothing else to do. I mean, if you’re bored, play outside, because your whining and moaning annoy me. It is the last thing we need. It’s bad enough that the Clintons are pissing on Obama’s shoes and and you give oxygen to that at all. Then, you try to sensationalize a passionate and truthful counterpunch at a fucktard heckler by spinning it as a meltdown.

Shame the fuck on you. You dirty bastards are half the goddamn problem. No sack, but a sneaky underhanded temerity for villifying and exaggerating. Days like today, I loathe your shit.

Goddamn media: -1
Goddamn Billary: -1
Obama: 0

Drinks for my friends.

The GOP members of the house had a dilemma today; whether to hold their breath until blue or take their ball and go home. They opted for the latter. The former struck them as bad form. Unseemly. Immature.

See, the Democrats of the same body were pushing to hold the most dubiously qualified Supreme Court nominee in history and replacement for the alarmingly obsequious and chronically full of shit Alberto Gonzales, Harriet Miers, as well as notorious White House crony Josh Bolten, in contempt.

Minority Leader John Boehner said, “We will not stand here and watch this floor be abused for pure political grandstanding at the expense of our national security,”. What a dick. I don’t care how he claims his sir name should be pronounced, looks like BONER to me. BONER became House Minority Leader, replacing DeLay, after that fucktard was indicted.

It didn’t have dick to do with national security.

Miers and Bolten refused to testify before the House Judiciary Committee about the nefarious firing of nine federal prosecutors for not pursuing bullshit voter fuckery against various Democrats. The White House claims executive privilege on their behalf. It is the furthest this brand of smoke & mirror subterfuge has ever been stretched.

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino called the move “a partisan, futile act” that would not be enforced by the Justice Department. -CNN

Full of shit.

The Republicans were whining for the Dems to renew the surveillance bill that allows for immunity from prosecution for the the big telecom plutocrats that illegally cooperated with Dick-in-Bush in the wiretapping of innocent Americans. Yep, Dick-in-Bush don’t want to see them testify because it will conclude with both their corrupt asses being held accountable.

On the spit, maybe.

And therein lies the irony of the rub. The DOJ would be counted on to execute the contempt charges, yet it is the very same bureaucracy at the center of the scandal for the prosecutor firings

This whole thing is unfuckingbelievable.

Man I hate these guys.

Meanwhile, despite the fact that they’ve hated on each other publicly, Guy Smiley endorses Doubtfire while one of the Little Bootlicker’s top advisors, Mark McKinnon, vows to resign if Obama wins the Democratic nomination.

Obama beat Hillary the other day by a vote total of more than McCain actually recieved all night.

She did however, prevail in New Mexico today by a margin so slim her nails still look ok.

Larry Craig stopped dangling today. Yeah, check this. He got a letter today from whatever collection of dipshits appointed to investigate him. Um, The Senate Ethics Committee.

Oh man.

It seems he paid over two hundred thousand dollars in legal fees for soliciting an undercover cop for sex in an airport bathroom with campaign donations. With money that people donated for his re-election. The letter from the committee went on to say they believed he “committed the offense to which you pled guilty” and that “you entered your plea knowingly, voluntarily and intelligently.” -AP

No censure, no call for resignation. Giant spineless vaginas. Check my categories for more on this prick Larry Craig.

What exactly is going on in the Senate? They can’t even publicly decry this piece of shit? Issue a statement saying he’s a jackass and should walk? Under Mr. Harry Reid, the Democrats are goddamn ridiculous.

The republicans are swimming in shit and the wind is blowing it into their pie holes. Right into their faces.

Senate Democrats walk around with mouths wide open in stupidity at the same time.

Drinks for my friends.

Hills has been bracing for heavy weather all day. Well, much longer than that.

Barack Obama.

The Clinton machine fully expected to be holding it’s ass in front of itself by sunset here in the West today.

I know, huh?

What?

The boat of Billary is taking on water.

It’s a big ass boat, she’s begun to toss a few over the rail. Patti Solis Doyle, campaign manager, will be replaced by Mary Tyler Moore. I mean Maggie Williams.

No apologies; no shit, she’s black.

Is it a good idea to have a middle name in the Hillary Rodham Clinton campaign? Oh, and today we hear of the resignation of Deputy Campaign Manager Mike Henry. What of William Jefferson Clinton?

Make no mistake. This is a contemporary dynasty on the ropes. This really is history. Goddamn this is interesting. And compelling and portentous. I hope you people are watching. I hope you’re singing along.

It is nuts. I’m really worried reality TV fucktards will smell how cool this is and start tuning in and voting. Sheezus. With an abruptness so complete it will have it’s own violent sound, The Great Unwashed will stumble to the polls and chaos will be a way of life shortly thereafter and forever.

Sometimes I can’t believe the shit I talk.

Tonight, he’s simultaneously ice blue cool and incendiary. He’s commanding the votes of women, seniors, the youth, rural, suburban, metro and every income demographic. It is amazing. The audacity of hope indeed.

Momentum. Inertia.

Momentum: “force or speed of movement; impetus, as of a physical object or course of events”.

Inertia: “Physics The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in straight line motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.”

Outside force, apparently not factoring in.

He is a human hurricane. Category three and gaining strength.

His speech tonight is in Madison Wisconsin. I made the biggest record of my career in that charming town some twelve or thirteen years ago. I remember thinking how nice everyone was after spending a decade in LA. They were normal and helpful and friendly. I winced when my soon to be rockstar client was rude to almost everyone we came in contact with.

He speaks with grace, humility and power. He owns just exactly where he is.

“Cynicism is a sorry kind of wisdom”, he says. Excellent.

CNN cuts to Doubtfire and I am struck dumb by the contrast.

He says literally nothing, save for threatening that a Democrat will compromise your values, your wallet and your safety. Yawn. Never heard that one before.

The current Republican administration has with brutal and unflinching efficacy, with malice even, harpooned America’s pockets, her pride and the respect and strength she once enjoyed under the global proscenium.

War. War. War. I don’t dislike McCain. He’s had the shit kicked out of him in a way that we simply cannot begin to comprehend. It makes it all the more shameful on his part that he has actually suggested publicly our occupation in Iraq should last a century. For what fuckhead? Oil? If it’s not obsolete by then, the entire world, not to mention the human race, will be facing the end of days.

For a man who’s literally had the shit beaten from him, he is full to bursting with it.

He is right on one thing. It just happens to be a very important thing. Torture. Important, too bad that’s all he’s learned.

His positions and policies on every other vital issue are underthought, intellectually dishonest and bereft of the merest modicum of common sense. Permanent tax cuts for the rich, a war without end……………….

Yes, this man is a dipshit.

Doubtfire, the bootlicker stands not a chance.

The calculus is thus: A man who is in touch versus a man who is out of touch.

Do the math.

Peace.

Drinks for my friends.

Andy Williams looks like shit.

Am I loser because I’m sitting at home on a Sunday night for the second year in a row watching the Grammys? I never used to watch award shows. I was too busy. I was too punk rock! Well, maybe not, but I always found them boring. Have I changed? Am I even less punk rock than when I kinda pretended to be?

Maybe it’s nostalgia. That little ripple when you see someone on TV you’ve been face to face with.

It’s not as good as it was last year but I’m entertained.

That last sentence brought to you by Justin Bateman who I have on MUTE.

Fucking Foo Fighters. Best rock band on the planet today. Orchestra didn’t really work until the band kicked in, then it fucking slayed me. Engineering nightmare.

Nirvana? I was absolutely a fan. But I’m more grateful to that band for Dave Grohl than anything else. Fucking Foo Fighters.

Who the fuck is Brad Paisly? His tone sucks. Pretty good picker though. His tone gets better. It’s a dumb country song well played.

Did you see the thighs on Beyonce? Sheezus. Very unclean thoughts.

Take your fucking glasses off Kanye. Then he rambles self indulgently and more than a little pompously while invoking his mother. How old is this guy? He needs to back up and count to ten. Humility goes a long way on TV.

What’s this Aretha-God shit? Took the engineer a good eight bars to figure out the horns. After that it was pretty cool. Great drummer. Excellent band. Then Aretha comes back out in a tent and I’m wondering was this God shit her idea? Great choir.

Commercial. ‘Scuse me while I piss the sky.

Feist? Horns sounded a little loose.

Kid Rock. Nice try. Had to step out for a smoke.

Fucking Foo Fighters. Best rock record. Ha bitches!

I don’t understand the appeal of lizards dancing with a hot black chick to “Thriller”.

Stevie Wonder has won twenty five fucking grammys?

I want to possess Alicia Keys. John Mayer shows up to play and sing and they tear it the fuck up.

Country award. Time for a smoke.

Herbie Hancock with some asian cat playing Rhapsody in Blue. Two pianos, no matter how identical cannot be tuned perfectly simpatico. I live for the dissonance. The orchestra rocks. One of my favorite pieces of music.

Jay-Z is cool.

Amy Winehouse is excellent and the band doesn’t fuck around. No leaks. Air tight.

Natalie Cole is gorgeous but they’re here for Doris Day? Natalie Cole is a handsome woman with whom I’ve spent a little face time. Amy gets the trophy. It’s a very cool song. Natalie has a positively regal presence. You know, in person.

Had to slide out for some cat food. Did I miss anything?

Bocelli and Groban are awesome. Amazing. Who is this Groban guy again?

Jerry Lee Lewis is still alive? I know about this guy. He’s a whack job. I’ve read books. One creepy motherfucker. What the hell is Fogerty doing up there? I hate Creedence.

Little Richard can still sing and play like ringing a bell. Fogerty takes a solo and it doesn’t suck. They thought it would though because they didn’t turn him up. I believe Little Richard to be the gayest black man to ever appear on television. Whatever. He still belts.

will.i.am
Very nice job.

I don’t know. Herbie Hancock getting the big one resonates. And then he says “Yes we can”. They turn the fucking music on. You turned it off for Kanye but you can’t give this guy thirty more seconds? After he just acquitted himself like a rockstar on Rhapsody in Blue?

I recently saw Herbie on Bill Maher. He didn’t really belong there. He’s a class act and he belonged on that stage tonight, reading over the cheesy music because he wanted to thank everybody.

Hey Kanye, I’m just pointing it out.

Interesting. Official brainspank endorsee Barack Obama, beat out Jimmy Carter and Hillary Clinton today in some spoken word category. Um, he prevailed in Maine today as well.

Drinks for my friends.

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
We’re so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside
There behind a glass stands a real blade of grass
Be careful as you pass, move along, move along

-Emerson, Lake and Palmer “Karn Evil 9”

They focus on McCain, Romney and Huckabee. There’s an imperative to rescue it from being a foregone conclusion. The Great Unwashed can’t be allowed to lose interest.

I see it as an insipid gameshow mentality.

It will be McCain, because Guy Smiley, in his sacred underwear, is full of shit and although Huckabee seems like a nice guy, any sane motherfucker with a low triple digit IQ, residing on this side of common sense, is scared out of his or her mind that a Southern Baptist Minister could be President.

I mean, I know I am. The leader of the the free world believing that the earth is like, six thousand years old? You have got to be fucking kidding me. This guy is getting a shitload of votes in the The South. Somehow, that’s just not funny in this century.

McCain cannot beat either one of the two Democrats. Half his base loathes him and he has no charisma. That of course means, Romney and Huckabee would fare somewhat worse than hot, low note flatulence in a tornado.

Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh have both said they’ll vote for Hillary if McCain gets the nod. To them, he’s just not conservative enough.

Oh boy.

The pendulum, it doth swing with velocity. Not only are Ann and Rush obsolete, they will soon run out of air. Fucktards.

McCain stared and glared at Romney over who was more committed to Iraq when over seventy percent of Americans think that it’s just plain stupid.

Conservatives are dumb and now they’re confused.

People who are both mindless and bewildered tend to be dangerous. They scare me.

Outside it’s America.

Goddamn, the Republicans are in trouble.

Anyway.

A far more interesting contest between Barack and Hillary.

I’m so pleased by the very idea that America is choosing between a black man and a woman for the Democratic nomination.

It does speak volumes about the taste in our mouths. For nearly eight years, the only thing on the spoon has been shit. Stupid, mindless, neoconservative shit. Imagine shit with tar and rotting raisins. Oh, and pepper. Not the good kind, but the kind with no flavor and just heat. And to drink? Your choice of bleach or Woolite.

Democrats are not always better, yet this choice makes me smile.

America stands on the verge of electing a much needed Democratic President. The slow and stupid will just have to piss up a rope for at least four years.

Life is beautiful.

I’m pulling for the black guy who’s last name rhymes with Osama. The guy who’s middle name is Hussein.

He is smart. He is willfull. He is change.

I think.

I hope.

Among other glistening trophies, he took Kansas and North Dakota last night. Kansas. Can you say Brown v. The Board of Education? Um, wow. I ask myself, as one must, does this mean these people are more afraid of a white woman than a black man? Or is it evidence of an intellectual honesty in America that we have not seen before?

We’ll see, to behold the latter would be resplendent indeed.

For now, it’s a dead heat between two left minded champions of what is right. This is healthy. The dialog and discourse will be richer and we will all benefit.

The Democratic turnout will carry the general, particularly with a Republican party so divided. Right wing Christians have abandoned the filthy corporate lucre. Hypocrite despising hypocrite. Excellent.

Next time you see a neoconservative dipshit Republican, do him a favor and pluck one of the forks from his mottled ass and give him your change.

Then, hit him in the mouth as hard as you can to celebrate his fall from grace.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m impressed by perfection. Perfection is awesome. Perfection is never enduring, however. Never consistent. Michael Jordan was perfect for a time. So was Stevie Ray Vaughn. Then, there was NASA in the late sixties. They made it to the moon on slide rules.

Yet it never lasts. It’s impossible.

I adore an underdog. I’m enamored of the unlikely.

I’m not emotionally invested in any sporting contest or team. I really can’t muster the enthusiasm. But, I’d been thinking about this Superbowl and the underdog. I found myself with little to do this afternoon, so I tuned in about half way through the first quarter.

Needless to say, it was about as interesting as these things get. I was rewarded with a win by the underdog. Cool. Glad I watched.

The analogy may be a little weak, but I’ll make it anyway. A far more more important contest is playing out in America. With any luck, Barack Obama will face the Republican nominee (most likely McCain) in a contest for titular leader of the free world.

If this comes to pass, it’s possible that the underdog will have already prevailed in the most important battle he faces. He will have bested Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination.

I’ve been saying for nearly a year that what America needs is as much change as she can get. I own this. To me, it is a fact. Barack Obama represents the very most change for which we can realistically hope.

There were other contestants that I liked better. But honestly, not by much. I didn’t think this man had a chance, but I’m happy he’s here. I’m happy I was wrong. Very happy.

For what it’s worth, I’m not so full of myself as to estimate what I’m about to say will have anything but the most negligible concussion on The Great Unwashed.

I remain however, undaunted.

The first ever brainspank.org endorsement goes to Barack Obama for President of The United States of America.

I do this because I believe him to be a good man. He is smart and inspired. He talks sense.

I don’t know exactly how tough he is, yet he will need to be the world’s toughest man. I’m not sure how smart he is and he will have to be one of the smartest.

I hope at how principled he is. I can only guess at his strength.

Casting a vote is always hanging your ass in the wind. Because of that, you should always do the best you can. Pay attention. Be informed. Try not to be a jackass and if you are, abstain. If you don’t know shit about a proposition or a bond, for fuck’s sake leave it blank.

Obama is a different matter. You should let your mind go blank and trust me on this one. He is the best shot we’ve got. He is brave and razor sharp. If we can just get him there, he will rattle some cages. At the same time, the world will exhale in relief.

If we end up with McCain, the world will have a simultaneous sphincter pucker on a scale that could result in giant sand storms and possibly some heightened tidal activity.

On top of that, we’ll all be kinda bummed about having an old man in office that is incapable of combing his own hair. I hear he’s pretty grumpy. Imagine what four years will do to this poor bastard. He’ll be in the corner sniffing glue before it’s over.

Nope, we need fresh flesh and our man Obama is young. One thing even the most neoconservative diamond crapping old rich white man can’t deny is his PASSION.

It was a good field this time and for that I’m grateful. Any of them would have been better than any of The
Blackhats.

I want this man to be my President.

I’m serious. I believe what he has shown me so far is who and what he is and like what I see.

Drinks for my friends.

Those of you that have been reading me for awhile, may recall that my take on the last State of The Union was titled “No babies in garbage disposals”. A not so subtle nod towards the populist pablum. Tonight was more of the same.

He still insisted on mispronouncing ‘nuclear’ six or seven times and stubbornly whipped the deceased equine carcass of social security, or “entitlements” in the euphemistic vernacular of the neocons. Fuck that. Social Security is not an entitlement. We pay in when we are young, it pays out when we are old.

More pointless and baseless saber rattling at Iran. Way Too many Democrats hauling asses out of seats for this particular round of applause. Sheezus.

I feel like an eight year old. I was bored and really, I just don’t give a mad fuck what Dumbya has to say anymore. He may still be dangerous, but his irrelavance metastasizes by the hour.

I found more intrinsic entertainment in the shifts of smirk Cheney wore behind Dumbya’s right shoulder. I was amused by the Republican lockstep of standing ovations.

C’mon you pinheads, you’ve got be fucking kidding me.

Perhaps it’s irresponsible and lazy, but to counter the address point by point would be futile and didactic. If you don’t realize how full of shit he is by now, you never will. Like I said, I just don’t care.

On a far more interesting note, Obama collected the endorsement of Senator Ted Kennedy as well as a glowing op-ed in the New York Times yesterday titled “A President Like My Father” written by Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK, in case you didn’t know. Now this, is heavy.

The momentum that Obama is gathering is formidable. Although still very early, it is of a brand that could thwart the Clinton Machine. Wow. A certain degree of credit goes to Barack himself. He’s demonstrated a not so simple grace in allowing the Clintons to make themselves look bad. Zen judo. Awesome.

Time to take a walk John. Don’t go too far.

Goddamn Super Tuesday will roar at us I hope.

Drinks for my friends.

It’s all over but the shouting in South Carolina. Obama has beaten Hillary and Edwards like a pair of baby seals.

He did this by amassing over fifty percent of the vote. The demographic sweep he engineered is beyond impressive. South Carolina is over sixty seven percent white and the home state of John Edwards, who finished a distant third. It was a record turnout.

More than double Hillary’s pot and obviously, more than both Edwards and Hillary combined.

He speaks like a summer thunderstorm. A cloudburst on a sweltering afternoon. Substance and style. Grace and conviction. Thunder and lightning. His admonition of Hillary, subtlety and gravity.

It’s kind of ironic that while I was thinking that even if Obama succeeded at elevating only minorities and the poor, America would be a far better place. It’s ironic, because it was the same moment he segued into passionate discourse about unity and the fractures that exist between us, that either aren’t there or don’t need to be. All of us.

ALL OF US.

I am smiling. Were it not for the breathtaking ineptness, avarice and arrogance of the current administration and the Republican party, America would never grant audience to this first ever contest between a black man and a woman for President of The United States.

Forgive me, but hope doesn’t appear so audacious any more. It’s been a long time coming. We have endured too many years of cruelty and apathy at the hands of Republican rulers. Maybe now, instead of the lesser of two evils, America will choose the better of the best.

Oh boy.

Eighty percent of African Americans in SC voted for Obama. I still really like Edwards, but I fear it may be time for him to walk. Seventy three percent of Democrats who cast a vote tonight, did so against Hillary. This, in one of only three states with a greater than twenty percent population of black voters. Do the math, Obama desperately needs white Democrats on February Five.

Edwards says he’s still got lotsa fight left. We’ll see.

Obama and Edwards? I’d like that a lot.

Bill Bennett, asshat that he is, just compared Obama’s speech to Ronald Reagan. What a fucking retard. It occurs to me that Martin Luther King is a far more appropriate and accurate analog. Or, can you say JFK?

Amy Holmes, conservative whackjob that she is, is hotter than Georgia asphalt. I’d do her. She was on Bill Maher last night and I had an identical thought. Michelle O. has hips and a booty.

Meanwhile, on the darkside, Skeletor sports a giant mudhole in his ass that will be kicked dry by Guy Smiley and John McCain in Florida. Time to start looking for a rock with a vacancy underneath, Mr. Julie Rudyiani. Douchebag.

Up next, Super Tuesday. The road, still long indeed.

Drinks for my friends.

They focus on McCain and Romney and Huckabee. Somehow they need to save it from being a forgone conclusion. Probably just to hold interest.

Idiots.

It will be McCain, because Guy Smiley is full of shit and Huckabee seems like a nice guy but any sane motherfucker between here and common sense is scared out of his or her mind that a Southern Baptist Minister could be President.

I mean, I know I am. The leader of the the free world believing that the earth is like, six thousand years old? You have got to be fucking kidding me. This guy is getting a shitload of votes.

Outside it’s America.

Goddamn, the Republicans are in trouble.

Anyway.

A far more interesting contest between Barack and Hillary.

I’m so pleased by the very idea that America is choosing between a black man and a woman for the Democratic nomination.

It does speak volumes about the taste in our mouths. For nearly eight years, the only thing on the spoon has been shit. Stupid mindless Republican shit. Imagine shit with tar and rotting raisins.

The Democrats not always better but I’m happy to have this choice.

America is about to recieve a much needed Democratic President, so fuck off.

Drinks for my friends.

I just need to take a minute to praise Jon Stewart.

Were he sitting here with me on my red velvet, claw shredded and cat hair festooned couch, I’d take a hit and blow it straight up his tiny little Jew ass.

He rocks.

I’m not sure what the deal is over there but I understand he has no writers?

I assume the writers want money for their work appearing on the internet but the internet is a herd of leeches on the genitals of the big entertainment companies. That’s all I know.

The big guys are probably culpable.

Whatever.

Anyway. Tonight Stewart delivered the most brilliant and toxic dissection of mainstream media coverage of these last two political contests; an intellectually adroit comedian cracking balls over the fence as though practicing.

Subtlety and nuance not just amplified but cleverly exploited.

I understand why people would naively push such a man towards public service. They don’t understand that he is doing exactly what he should be doing.

Jon Stewart does the Lord’s work.

At least, he does the work of my Lord. Common Sense.

I hearken back to a few years hence, when our man Jon, fed Tucker Carlson a swift and salty load on his own goddamn show (“Crossfire”). Cost that smug prick Carlson his show and and his ridiculously schticky bowtie.

See, not unlike Hillary a few days ago in New Hampshire, Jon stewart has found his voice. Although much to our great fortune as Americans, Mr. Stewart discovered his voice nearly eight years ago.

Emmy and Peabody winning and goddamn funny.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the perfect man for his job. We can only hope to be the richer, the longer he chooses to do it.

Just had to share that, even though most of you know it already.

Drinks for my friends.

Hillary prevails because the women of New Hampshire saw her tear up. Obama carried women in Iowa. He didn’t in New Hampshire.

Who carried the Gays?

Stay with me.

I do wish Edwards had somehow been able to maintain the trifecta. Here, the difference of deep pockets glares at us. Shame on you New Hampshire. He is clearly the best of the three, at least in terms of message.

Ralph Reed is on CNN. What the hell is he doing there? I loathe this bastard. Christian Coalition fucktard. But wait, he just said what I said about Hillary. What should I do with that? Does’t matter, he’s a dickhead.

Ron Paul wrestling with Skeletor for fourth makes me grin like a poor kid with a new bike.

Looks like Richardson will take his ball home. No big loss but a good man.

Record Democratic turnout and Republican voters are actually down. The poor kid with the new bike just got a new bell and a sparkly gold banana seat.

Wolf Blitzer sucks.

Edwards is tired and so is his speech. It is true, righteous even, but tired. No original chords or melodies. Yet still, good populist stuff. Honest. The best message out there. He tells us he’s staying in the fight. That’s good news. He is the best of any of the horses running with the remotest chance of winning.

I’m afraid my favorite little paste eater is unable to hide the fork sticking out of him. Oh well. So much for massive balls and complete honesty. If the upcoming Democratic administration has an intellectual conscience, Kucinich will have a place in it. I’m not holding my breath.

The Associated Press has just forecast Hillary as the winner. There’s lots to be said for inertia. Momentum.

It may be premature, yet as I say this CNN is owning it. I’ve watched enough elections to agree.

Obama speaks. Very well. This guy is good. Really good. This time he actually references MLK. This man, is a goddamn rockstar. Confidence, charisma and composure. Half the reason I watch is to see this guy play.

Blue eyed murder in a sideswipe dress.

Hillary speaks. She has aged before me. She is metered. Measured. Following Obama is a bitch. No pun intended. She’s virtually Stepford after a master orator. She’s kinda plastic. She kinda sucks. Weak finish.

The Bill & Hillary machine is awesome, however. What we saw was that impressive apparatus in swift and purposeful motion at the bottom of the ninth in the second game of seven. Very impressive.

Here they come. I told ya.

The content was significantly more populist in both Democratic speeches.

You aren’t stupid. I know this because you’re here. I’m sure you can imagine me pulling the lever for whatever Democrat rises to the surface of this contest.

And that’s just what I’ll do.

It’s not that the Democrats are so great, although a few are, it’s that the Republicans suck so fucking much. McCain can’t even comb his own hair. Poor bastard. He’s the best they can do? He’s got a hard on for the war for painfully, and I do mean painfully, obvious reasons and I imagine he has some degree of PTS.

Dick-in-Bush snuck up behind and sucker punched him in 2000. When he woke up he was finished and bitter. Who wants this guy on the switch?

Hustler magazine has this regular feature where they render a photo of a female celebrity with a huge cock in her mouth. It’s hysterical. I know some folks over there and I’m going to call and request that they do the biggest blowhard on the planet, Mitt Romney.

Then there’s our man Skeletor. Fuck him.

Forgive me for not being able to take these assholes seriously.

Drinks for my friends.

The New Hampshire debates are nothing if not entertaining.

Really, it got a little ugly between the Democrats, still, they stayed germane to the most important issues. They all did well. It’s an excellent field.

Hillary is starting to swing and we like that. Nothing untoward, she just rolled up her sleeves and demonstrated she was ready.

I missed Kucinich and Biden.

The biggest gaff for me was Richardson’s pounding near the base of his mic to emphasize his sluggish and doddering message about his message about being a governor and a two time cabinet apointee.

This guy is cabinet worthy for sure but he’d suck as President. He’s smart and probably very capable but he’d bore me in a bar.

See what I’m saying?

I wonder if all the sudden Edwards is bucking for assistant manager or maybe just using some camaraderie with Obama to pinata Hillary a little. I like this guy. He was interesting and I’m a sucker for his populist rhetoric.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch the Republicans. Saw a clip of Guiliani saying that the difference between his party and the Democrats is Democrats want to raise your taxes and he wants to lower them.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

We are in an economic cluster fuck of shitstorm proportions and this absolute dickhead wants to talk about tax cuts. I fucking hate this guy. He and Fred Thompson both (who seems to have gone the way of the Do Do, thankfully), are almost invisible when they turn sideways because they’re constructed entirley of paper.

Never mind that what is being talked about is reversing the cuts given to the wealthy over the last seven years, who’ve gotten wealthier by the way, and finding ways to eliminate the government sponsored drain on the middle class, who are sinking by the way.

Then on Fox tonight I see Huckabee and Romney shoulder to shoulder attempting to out obfuscate each other about…………..

Wait for it.

That’s right.

Fucking taxes.

I really hate these guys.

I picture Napoleon Dynamite slapping his head.

The contrast is so acute, it is simultaneously comic and egregious.

I watched it tonight on CNN and again, somebody had travelled forward in time, observed my reactions and then travelled back to put my impressions in the mouths of CNN talking heads.

Frustrating. Anybody hiring?

Drinks for my friends.

Guiliani is an arrogant fool for taking a pass on Iowa. Bill Clinton didn’t wade in either, however. Bad Bill knew what he was doing and is at least twice as smart as Skeletor. Maybe four or five times. Really.

And yes, this is an entirely different ballgame.

Nothing from nothing means nothing.

A paradigm shift, nay, an upheaval, occurs while Skeletor cools his heels in Florida.

Change.

“The fierce urgency of now”.

Hillary loses by a tampon string to Edwards and both lose to Obama.

Huge.

Huckabee leaves Romney to regain consciousness with dirt in his mouth. Good. Romney is a douchebag.

All, nothing but good news.

I’ve alluded to to the Clintonian acumen for brawling. You’re about to see a full frontal and it will most likely get ugly. We’re about to witness how smart she really is. I can’t help but think that if she starts tossing turds, she’ll be courting the dirt nap.

Fascinating to watch Bill’s big brain churning behind his eyes as he stood to her left while she spoke. I found myself waiting for steam to to rocket from every orifice in his head.

She tossed not a single turd.

She was smooth.

Edwards, my beloved populist, was excellent. I’ve always been a sucker for his “Two Americas” theme.

Obama invoked a cadence not unlike MLK. He did shine. I was impressed. Is he a leader? I really don’t know. He is a fucking rockstar though.

Some guys like football. This shit mezmerises me.

We’re off to New Hampshire. I can only hope it will be as compelling.

Clearly this contest won’t end exactly as I wished. Yet, I must agree with the talking heads on CNN. The Americans in Iowa are telegraphing a profound desire for change.

See, this isn’t about a black man vs. a woman against an evangelical and/or a complete dipshit who believes in sacred underwear. This really is about a certain absolute thirst for as much change as we can get.

The best we can do is the most change we can realize. This gives me hope. I am optimistic and sanguine.

Encouraged, at the very least.

Oh boy.

Drinks for my friends.

Iowa less than twenty four hours away.

The Republicans are reeling.

They’re to the point where they’re taking an evangelical with bad teeth as seriously as an asshole who wears sacred underwear and
is completely full of shit.

Kinda funny. A man named Huckabee duking it out with
a man named Romney. President Huckabee?

Rudolph “Skeletor” Guiliani runs a cold third. For
this we should perhaps be grateful as this is a man
barely more intelligent than Dumbya and maybe more
arrogant. His own children campaign against him.

This guy has to be a dick.

So yeah, meanwhile, the Democratic field doesn’t suck
nearly as much. I have varying degrees of like for
most of them. I’m no Hillary fan, she worries me.
Her hands are in too many pockets that seek to empty
my own.

But is she playing? The Clintons know how to fight.
It’s a pretty serious braintrust between the two. She
understood that a woman of even her caliber, would
need vast resources to be taken seriously.

Is there a chance she’s hell bent for leather so she can then do at least some of what needs to be done?

All I know is that it’s close and that’s a good thing. I doubt you’ll see any of the top three, Obama, Clinton or Edwards, emerging as running mates or even VP hopefuls. They run too hard. It is a horserace and we benefit.

Poor fucking Republicans. HA!

What we need is, the most change we can get. Just think for a minute about the difference in potential for change between Edwards and Clinton. Then think about the difference between Kucinich and Clinton.

Huckabee’s suits are hiding a lot of loose skin.

Fucking Republicans.

See what I’m saying?

Drinks for my friends.

Caught up on all matters media today.

Sometimes I just need to run and hide for a few days.
After the fires, I had to go. La Sabbatical De
Brevity Con Media De Anger. Whatever it was, it was
good while it lasted.

It’s true I’m having a splendid time watching the
Republicans implode. It’s spectacular. Not unlike
skulls melting in some action adventure horror flick.
Comedy too. They just can’t seem to keep their
reptilian dicks from getting caught underneath their
reptilian shod feet. I really can’t help but bray
like a jackass, whistle and spray gin at the screen.

I mean, Fred Thompson is a complete dipshit. Haggard, stupid and inarticulate.

All the kings horses and all the kings men have either
forgotten to dance a certain linedance lockstep or
have lost faith. They are alone. As individuals,
they wither from the storm’s wrath as rapidly as the
lonely Dick-in-Bush.

Vampires at dawn.

Meanwhile, Hills continues to run like she’s already
got the Democratic nod, courting the hawks and
rednecks and religious zealots who pine for the
apocolypse, by carressing them with tough talk on Iran
and otherwise whispering to the middle.

I gleefully waltz through her intestines with impunity
for her audacious voting record on the war and the
vast amounts of money she draws from the evil elite
like a succubus with a vacuum powered coke straw.
Sorry. I’ve been drinking.

She’s not as bright as Bill, but she doesn’t fall
asleep to dream of clearing brush and nursing a bottle
of Beam either. Very smart, this woman and I like
that. But it’s uncomfortable watching a woman pursue
the art of horseshit so adroitly.

I understand what she’s doing and she does it with raw
expertise and more than a modicum of grace. Yet, what
comes out of her mouth of late gives me fits of
consternation, panicked doubletakes and frequent
pause. Yep, all three.

Sometimes, it’s like a seizure.

Best case scenario is that she can’t show her cards
because she needs to get elected first. Where does
that leave all of us that used to like her? Do we
need faith?

Blind faith?

Us that used to like her have our man Bill. That’s
all she’s got. It’s not going to be enough for
our vote. We’re still a year and half out from the
General, not enough legs there to hold all of us
until then.

It’s time to talk to us because you’re gonna
need us.

And we really like Kucinich.

What if he goes third party?

Take a page out of the Dick-in-Bush playbook. They
actually lost both elections but managed to look so
good, nobody cared. They never forgot their base.

They dumped them just the other day cause they’re done. No longer necessary. Obsolete.

Kinda comical to see the faithful looking for a political party.

See what I’m saying?

A benefit of the doubt because of your significant
other will not carry what is still a very long day.

We’re not stupid. We understand that you have to
dance with devil in the pale moonlight. But you are
gonna need to reach out to us. Better to do it before
sundown, that’s when we start drinking.

A little less chit chat. A little more chop chop.
Somewhere between 10 and 20 percent of us really pay
attention and you’re gonna need us if it’s close. My
guess is it will be close.

brainspank.org COMING SOON!!

Drinks for my friends.

Bill Clinton.
Good guy. Very smart guy.

Al Gore.
Good guy. Very smart guy.

Hillary Clinton.
Good Guy? Very smart guy.

George W. Bush.
Not a bad guy? I don’t know. Really fucking stupid though. Lethally dumb without a doubt.

Our Man Bill has become an efficacious tornado of altruistism
and an intellectual human holiday. He’s lifted the
mantle from Jimmy Carter. We like him. We have good
reason to. Beyond his gravitational charisma is
brains and empathy. Despite the games he’s been
forced to play, he’s always given a fuck.

Al Gore. A bit of a tragic figure but he’s found his
way. Should never have distanced himself from our man
Bill. The energy assholes were fond of calling him
“captain ozone” twenty years ago.

There’s a lot less fat Texas dickheads laughing these days. Won the
goddamn Nobel today! How cool is that? Fuck you in
the neck you captains of industry.

The tear between the clever and the moronic is rent ever further.

Two guys smart and driven enough to still delight in
trying to make it better.

Relax, I understand that you don’t get that far
without having both hands inside the corpse. Both
these guys have already spun in their graves. They
are dirty. Without a doubt.

Today, the political progeny of these men is our
man Hillary. Woe is us. She is as pungent as the
piss soaked Hollywood homeless. She’s raised more
money from Big Money than any of the rest of them.

Therefore, public suspect number one.

Before the ’06 midterm elections, I wouldn’t have
given her a Slurpee’s chance in an active volcano.

Now she’s the front runner and the conservatives don’t
have fuck all. The most conspicuous artifact of the
Republican fall from grace is that they can’t seem to
get their hands on the filthy lucre.

But Hillary can. It’s the very same blood soaked pile
that used to be the royal jelly heroin exclusive to
the GOP. Big energy, pharma, defense,
telecommunications, etc. have all walked away from the
bipolar pinheads across the aisle and have begun to
PAY our spineless, cowardly party and it’s front
running asshats.

Ha! They’re still our problem.

Big Money has no choice. Their previous party darling
has been stepping on it’s own dick for so long that
Christians, rednecks and even racists are genuinely
embarrassed.

Kinda fun to watch Dick-in-Bush struggling to give Big
Money retro active immunity in the clustefuck of the
illegal wiretapping fuckery. All the big administration players have left the building; the handful left behind will rush flagrantly towards any open wound.

Then there was the veto of the medical insurance bill for children because it smacked of “socialized medicine”.

They have nothing to lose. In possession of more than
a simple get out of jail free card, they have
annihilated their party, our country, our reputation,
our security, PLUNDERED our economy, our rights, our
CONSTITUTION, our dignity and our ability to pursue
life, liberty and happiness.

They don’t care. In a year, they ramble. No
accountability and no responsibility. Into the
sunset, resplendent from fossil fuel emission, they
shall ride.

“Crazy,but that’s how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate”

“I’ve listened to preachers
I’ve listened to fools
I’ve watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role” -OZZY OSBOURNE

All the mayhem and chaos and damage stays. Whole
countries and a world turned upside down in
considerably less than a decade. In place still, will
be the massive life eating engine behind a different
porcelain mask. Mostly blue instead of mostly red.

Not without complicity, complacency, apathy and
ignorance, will this be allowed to pass. But it will.
You bet your ass. It’s done.

“OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I’VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU’LL LISTEN ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS
EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS
WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT
I DON’T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU’RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
DOOMPADEE DOO” -oompa loompa song

VOTE KUCINICH!

Drinks for my friends.

I think it’s kinda funny that the one “moderate” Republican is a jackass like Guiliani. Then I laugh my junk off when the conservatives threaten to walk away from the Republican party if he gets the nomination.

You can’t write this shit. He really is their only chance.

So, they get their panties in such a twist that it restricts oxygen flow to their paleolithic oblongata, over Skeletor being pro choice, and they threaten to castrate themselves by going third party.

Man, I love to hate these slippery, disingenuous bastards. You think any of them give a mad fuck about the principle of life? A great many think they do, by virtue of indoctrination and religious propaganda, but they’d get vacuumed or pay for a hoovering, pun intended, immediately upon being confronted by inconvenience or convenience.

Then there’s the money. Dogmatic fundamentalists will give their morning gruel and bus faire as long as you’re in favor of capital punishment and against a woman’s right to choose. A very wealthy base built on the backs of the great unwashed.

They also know that Skeletor is no match for Billary on a level playing field. They are panicked because they know they lack the muscle to tilt that field a fourth time. They screwed the pooch on the third try.

This, kids, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is entertainment.

The Republican party, pictured under ‘ignorant lockstep’ in most childrens bibles and adult dictionaries, is literally gnawing on it’s own ass. It is perhaps, so preoccupied, that it’s about to ass barf all over its own face.

They have acute assfazia. The ass so closely resembles the face, that bowels pregnant with hypocrisy are unsure what direction to explode towards.

Yes mam, they’re about to shit themselves.

I’m having too much fun with this.

Now for the bad news. The Democrats suck too. Sorry. They do. Hillary and Obama box over trivial shit to distract you from Kucinich, who tells you the truth about stuff that’s important.

He’s whip smart. He has logical plans for efficacious policies as well as their implementation and he’s not here to fuck around. He’s serious.

The front runners are too far inside to even care about what you want and what you, we, really need.

An abject example: Last November there was a massive power shift in Congress dictated by the will of the people. A clear mandate was the catalyst; a reversal in the Iraq war was expected. That expectation fueled conviction at the polls more than any other issue.

Ask yourself, what do we have to show for it? Allow me to answer. Not a goddamn thing. Nothing. Same as it ever was. $700 million a day and over a million dead Iraqis. Four thousand of our own dead and over thirty thousand handicapped and damaged for life. That disgusts me.

Not one of them (Domocratic candidates), when asked if they would guarantee a complete troop withdrawal by the END of their term in 2013, could do anything but snort and stomp and make excuses.

Save one. Dennis Kucinich said three months. Done deal.

Health care and peace too.

Make sure your seatbacks and tray tables are in the upright position. Do the best you can to avoid the vulgar puppet show playing outside every window and on every screen. The same one on TV, radio and whatever dumbass magazine you’re reading.

It really is time to pay attention.

Drinks for my friends.